0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language and adult humour.
0:00:24 > 0:00:25APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Hello! Hello!
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Hello and welcome to Good News.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32So, what's been happening?
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Over on Look East, this lady got a little bit tongue-tied.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39Businesses which have delivered £43 million worth of investment
0:00:39 > 0:00:40across the count...
0:00:40 > 0:00:42The cunt... The county, beg your pardon.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Is it me or did someone drop acid in Cameron's tea?
0:00:49 > 0:00:51We've got...
0:00:51 > 0:00:52unicorns.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58He was talking so much shit even the Indian Prime Minister checked out.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01We both have big ambitions for the relationship
0:01:01 > 0:01:02between our countries...
0:01:02 > 0:01:04- HEADPHONES:- # The Vengabus is coming and everyone's jumping
0:01:04 > 0:01:08# New York to San Francisco and intercity disco
0:01:08 > 0:01:10# The wheels are still turning... #
0:01:10 > 0:01:12APPLAUSE
0:01:12 > 0:01:15Here's a tip - don't watch an episode of Bake Off
0:01:15 > 0:01:17before presenting the news.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Giving it the royal seal of approval at the Royal Albert Hall,
0:01:19 > 0:01:21William and Cake.
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Kate.
0:01:23 > 0:01:28And finally, don't you love it when a reporter remains calm?
0:01:28 > 0:01:30This, er... Ahh!
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Ah! Ah! What is that?
0:01:32 > 0:01:35That's because it's hot outside, stuff like that happens.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38Was that live? Are we live? Oh, brother.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46Now, the big news of the week was the senseless killings in Paris.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50France has started three days of national mourning for the victims
0:01:50 > 0:01:53of the terror attacks in the heart of the French capital.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Grief, shock and considerable anger tonight
0:01:56 > 0:02:00of the worst terror attack in Europe for a decade.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Islamic State in an official statement
0:02:02 > 0:02:04are claiming responsibility.
0:02:04 > 0:02:08Suspected mastermind was named as Belgian Abdelhamid Abaaoud.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11It was an attack on a way of life.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14But the Parisians say they will not be bowed.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16It was so heartbreaking, wasn't it? Do you know what...?
0:02:16 > 0:02:20But don't call the people that did this "masterminds",
0:02:20 > 0:02:24they're not masterminds. Isis are hypocritical cowards.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Think about it, they want to take us back to when the Koran was written,
0:02:27 > 0:02:30the 7th century. And how do they do that?
0:02:30 > 0:02:33By using rocket launchers, Facebook, Twitter,
0:02:33 > 0:02:35mobile phones and bombs.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37You didn't have those in the 7th century, did you,
0:02:37 > 0:02:38you warmongering pricks?
0:02:38 > 0:02:40CHEERING
0:02:40 > 0:02:42APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:02:42 > 0:02:44They're not masterminds.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47They're not... They're not masterminds.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50They're ignorant thugs who've hijacked a religion
0:02:50 > 0:02:53to create fear or, to quote Boris Johnson...
0:02:56 > 0:02:59APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Yes!
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Now, the other thing,
0:03:01 > 0:03:03the other thing that pisses me off is that Twitter was awash
0:03:03 > 0:03:08with offers of help and defiance and then right-wing morons tweet this.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11"The Paris attacks were committed by devout Muslims..."
0:03:11 > 0:03:12No, they weren't.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Isis aren't devout Muslims, they're terrorists.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19They don't speak for Muslims any more than Katie Hopkins speaks for me.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Muslims believe in peace,
0:03:21 > 0:03:23they don't believe in beheadings or slavery
0:03:23 > 0:03:27and they certainly don't agree with some of the insane things Isis
0:03:27 > 0:03:30want to ban like music,
0:03:30 > 0:03:31art,
0:03:31 > 0:03:33female education,
0:03:33 > 0:03:35skinny jeans,
0:03:35 > 0:03:37the word "vicar",
0:03:37 > 0:03:38table football,
0:03:38 > 0:03:40magicians
0:03:40 > 0:03:43and pigeon breeding.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45I'm not making this up!
0:03:45 > 0:03:46Isis has banned...
0:03:52 > 0:03:56Muslims don't care about pigeons' dicks!
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Cos no-one has ever seen one!
0:03:59 > 0:04:02It's not like pigeons are wandering around like that.
0:04:02 > 0:04:03"Excuse me, excuse me."
0:04:05 > 0:04:08If your nickname is pigeon dick, that is not a compliment.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12APPLAUSE
0:04:16 > 0:04:18We cannot be afraid of these morons.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20It's the people's job to live your life.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22It's the government's job to look after the people
0:04:22 > 0:04:25and it's the comedian's job to make people laugh.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27That's why when I read stuff like this...
0:04:27 > 0:04:29"According to intelligence gathered by police,
0:04:29 > 0:04:32"terrorists have started training in rural parts of Wales,"
0:04:32 > 0:04:34I'm not scared. Do you know why?
0:04:34 > 0:04:38Isis will never topple Welsh women, they are formidable.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42I mean, where else would you see a headline like this?
0:04:49 > 0:04:53The point I'm trying to make - terrorism can't destroy humanity.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57Look what the people of Paris did the day after the attacks.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Parisians were reclaiming their streets,
0:04:59 > 0:05:02lining up in their droves to donate blood.
0:05:02 > 0:05:03That is defiance.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07Shall we stay inside and cower in fear? Fuck no.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Now, talking of defiance, look at this response to tragedy,
0:05:10 > 0:05:12this is incredible.
0:05:12 > 0:05:17At the Bataclan theatre, Antoine Leiris lost his wife,
0:05:17 > 0:05:19the mother of his little boy.
0:05:19 > 0:05:24He wrote, "We are only two, my son and I.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28"But we are more powerful than all the world's armies.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32"In any case, I have no more time to waste on you.
0:05:32 > 0:05:37"I need to get back to Melvil who is waking up from his afternoon nap.
0:05:37 > 0:05:42"He's just 17 months old; he'll eat his snack, like every day,
0:05:42 > 0:05:45"and then we're going to play like we do every day;
0:05:45 > 0:05:47"and every day of his life
0:05:47 > 0:05:52"this little boy will insult you with his happiness and freedom."
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Now that is magnificent.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:06:02 > 0:06:03Next up, let's have a bit of joy.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Did you hear about George Clooney?
0:06:06 > 0:06:11George Clooney has travelled halfway round the world for a sandwich.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Yes, he did.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17He visited a cafe which supports homeless people.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20Did you see the effect he had on women?
0:06:20 > 0:06:22I got a selfie with George Clooney!
0:06:22 > 0:06:23He's so handsome.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25I love George.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28"I love George."
0:06:28 > 0:06:30He even made one lady melt.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32- Hey, how you doing?- Hi, George, hi.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- Are you guys cold?- Yeah! - Your hands are freezing.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37- Hi, how are you? Nice to meet you. - Hi.
0:06:37 > 0:06:38Hi... Hi...
0:06:41 > 0:06:44"Hi! Hi! Hi! Ohh..."
0:06:46 > 0:06:50Did you see her later? I've never seen a woman this giddy.
0:06:50 > 0:06:51Oh, it was amazing.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54I was trying to get a photo of him and he actually come up to me
0:06:54 > 0:06:56after I got the photo and he shook my hand. He says,
0:06:56 > 0:07:00"Hello, is it really cold here?" I said, "Yes, it's really cold."
0:07:01 > 0:07:06"I think I've got frostbite but I've never been happier in my life!"
0:07:08 > 0:07:11He even got a photo with the staff and if you look closely,
0:07:11 > 0:07:15I think one of the ladies might've slipped a finger up his arse.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Now...
0:07:19 > 0:07:20HE COUGHS
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Sorry.
0:07:22 > 0:07:23HE COUGHS
0:07:23 > 0:07:26That's what George was doing afterwards.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29It wasn't just Clooney who brought joy to the world,
0:07:29 > 0:07:31check out this wonder hound.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34A bulldog called Otto has cheered us all up this morning
0:07:34 > 0:07:36by hopping on a skateboard in Peru.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40Otto the bulldog coasted under the legs of 30 people in Lima in Peru
0:07:40 > 0:07:43and gained himself recognition with Guinness World Records.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45I love it, I love it so much.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47It's the way he puts his leg down...
0:07:52 > 0:07:56It's a miracle he went that fast, did you see the size of his bollocks?
0:07:58 > 0:08:01He's better than any human skateboarder in the world.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04You think I was impressed, his dad was delighted.
0:08:04 > 0:08:05Oh, yes!
0:08:07 > 0:08:08APPLAUSE
0:08:08 > 0:08:12This... This was my favourite bit of the report.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13Listen to what his owner said.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15His owner says,
0:08:15 > 0:08:19"Otto will now have some time off whilst he decides what next."
0:08:22 > 0:08:25He's going to decide what to do next. He's a dog!
0:08:25 > 0:08:28He's not going to have a gap year to find himself.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30"What did you learn?"
0:08:30 > 0:08:32"Erm...
0:08:32 > 0:08:33"My balls taste nice."
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Whatever he does, well done, Otto.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41It's not easy breaking records when the camera's rolling.
0:08:42 > 0:08:43Oh...
0:08:46 > 0:08:49APPLAUSE
0:08:51 > 0:08:52Now...
0:08:52 > 0:08:56Obviously something awful happened in France this week but, my friends,
0:08:56 > 0:09:00before the tragedy struck, something wonderful happened there.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Cyclist David Pedlow is setting the bar high
0:09:02 > 0:09:05when it comes to keeping his wife happy.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08While most of us might feel grateful for a cup of tea in bed
0:09:08 > 0:09:11in the morning, 70-year-old David, who is now back in Plymouth,
0:09:11 > 0:09:13cycled all the way to France
0:09:13 > 0:09:16just to buy his wife's favourite brand of coffee.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17- AUDIENCE:- Aw...
0:09:17 > 0:09:20You can't buy Grand Mere in England.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Jackie likes Grand Mere.
0:09:23 > 0:09:29Oh-ho-oh! What a legend. Did you hear the women in the room melting?
0:09:29 > 0:09:31He rode to France to get his wife a coffee.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35My grandad won't even go to the kitchen!
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Do you reckon he's like that with everything?
0:09:37 > 0:09:40"Fancy a Chinese, love?" "Yeah." "Okey dokey, I'm off to Beijing."
0:09:42 > 0:09:46I bet you after this titanic effort, I bet his wife was delighted.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49I bet she showered him with kisses and ran him a hot bath.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52He did only cycle 23 miles.
0:09:52 > 0:09:53STUNNED LAUGHTER
0:09:53 > 0:09:55What?!
0:09:55 > 0:09:59He's 70! What does he have to do?!
0:09:59 > 0:10:03He cycled to a different country in a different time zone,
0:10:03 > 0:10:05ordered in a different language,
0:10:05 > 0:10:09and she's, like, "Ooh, I'd rather have tea."
0:10:09 > 0:10:13He's a legend! When I saw this story, I had to do this.
0:10:18 > 0:10:19"Jackie and David.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23"Best wishes from the Good News team. Russell."
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Well, thanks, Russell.
0:10:33 > 0:10:34- AUDIENCE:- Aw.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36APPLAUSE
0:10:36 > 0:10:37Had to do it. Had to do it.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Health news now. Check this story out.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45Now, take a look at these.
0:10:45 > 0:10:46Can you guess what they are?
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Tea cosies?
0:10:51 > 0:10:53They are knitted breasts.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Are they?
0:10:56 > 0:10:58It might seem odd that I'm holding them...
0:10:58 > 0:11:00LAUGHTER
0:11:00 > 0:11:02It is a bit. It's the news.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06..but holding and handling props like these is proving an effective
0:11:06 > 0:11:08way of encouraging new mums to breast-feed.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Yup, this is the slightly bizarre news that knitted boobs
0:11:11 > 0:11:13help women breast-feed.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14Whatever turns them on!
0:11:14 > 0:11:16LAUGHTER
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Apparently, what they do, right, they, um... LAUGHTER
0:11:19 > 0:11:21..they play with the knitted breasts, right?
0:11:21 > 0:11:24And they're, um... LAUGHTER
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Do you want to grow up?
0:11:26 > 0:11:29LAUGHTER
0:11:29 > 0:11:31They...
0:11:31 > 0:11:33LAUGHTER AND WOLF WHISTLES
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Excuse ME.
0:11:35 > 0:11:36LAUGHTER
0:11:36 > 0:11:38They...they...
0:11:39 > 0:11:41They play with ...
0:11:41 > 0:11:45They play with the knitted breast, they're shown how to squeeze them,
0:11:45 > 0:11:47and it helps them breast-feed their kids.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Hm.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Now, what... LAUGHTER
0:11:51 > 0:11:55What I...what I love most about this story,
0:11:55 > 0:11:57aside from the fact that I got to play with these on telly,
0:11:57 > 0:12:00is the ladies that do the knitting.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Look at that!
0:12:02 > 0:12:03What an insane hobby!
0:12:03 > 0:12:05"What are you doing, Nan?" "Knitting tits."
0:12:05 > 0:12:07LAUGHTER
0:12:07 > 0:12:10They're amazing! I mean, how joyous is this lady?
0:12:10 > 0:12:13This lady walked in and said, "I'm looking for some knitters
0:12:13 > 0:12:17"to come and knit breasts at the hospital." And I said, "Yeah, I'm up for that."
0:12:18 > 0:12:21"I'll do you a woolly fanny if you want. I don't care."
0:12:21 > 0:12:22It's lovely, isn't it?
0:12:22 > 0:12:26What I would say, though, it's not just new mums that need help.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Some new dads struggle, too.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Going to change your bum.
0:12:31 > 0:12:32Oh, my God!
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Right.
0:12:37 > 0:12:38OK.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44HE RETCHES AND COUGHS
0:12:45 > 0:12:46Oh...
0:12:47 > 0:12:49HE RETCHES
0:12:51 > 0:12:53HE RETCHES
0:12:53 > 0:12:55- Oh... - HE RETCHES
0:12:57 > 0:12:59'king hell. Dirty girl.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01LAUGHTER
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Now, my guest this week is a professional adventurer.
0:13:06 > 0:13:11He swam, cycled and ran the entire length of Great Britain
0:13:11 > 0:13:14earning the nickname the British Forrest Gump.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19I am an endurance adventurer, who lives on a boat.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21I got the bug for adventure
0:13:21 > 0:13:24when I first cycled Land's End to John O'Groats.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27It took me a month to cycle it, and the record's 44 hours.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29So I really was bad at cycling.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Five years later, I was looking for something else to do,
0:13:32 > 0:13:34and I came across the idea of swimming
0:13:34 > 0:13:35Land's End to John O'Groats,
0:13:35 > 0:13:38thinking it had been done, and it turns out no-one
0:13:38 > 0:13:41had even attempted a length of Britain swim.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43What was meant to be two months ended up being 4.5 months.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46I remember getting to the end, thinking, "Right, that's it,
0:13:46 > 0:13:49"I'm done." But, then, a few months went by and I just thought,
0:13:49 > 0:13:52"I've got to do the run now, don't I?" The first person in history
0:13:52 > 0:13:55to have done a length of Britain triathlon.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Please welcome Sean Conway!
0:14:00 > 0:14:03- Thank you for having me. - Pleasure, pleasure. Pleasure!
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Um...
0:14:06 > 0:14:08- WOMAN:- Fit! - Fit?
0:14:08 > 0:14:10- Yes!- There you go.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12That's never happened on the show before.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:14:15 > 0:14:19People mistake me for George Clooney all the time. It's very annoying.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21That and Lion-O.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26I'm fascinated by you. I find you very interesting.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29- Thank you very much.- What I want to know is, I'm sort of envious,
0:14:29 > 0:14:31but why do you do what you do?
0:14:31 > 0:14:35Because it's...it's kind of amazing and crazy at the same time.
0:14:35 > 0:14:40Well, I started off doing it because I turned 30 in 2011,
0:14:40 > 0:14:44and I was miserable with the life I'd set up for myself,
0:14:44 > 0:14:45so I sold my business for £1.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49..and then spent £4 on the frame to frame the pound,
0:14:49 > 0:14:51- so I was minus £3...- Yes.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53- LAUGHTER - ..from day one.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56I just thought, there's more to life than just earning money.
0:14:56 > 0:15:00- Yes.- Whereas actually, if you focus your life on experiences
0:15:00 > 0:15:02and purpose and things like that,
0:15:02 > 0:15:05you lead a happier and more successful life, I think.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08So, I thought of swimming the length of Britain,
0:15:08 > 0:15:10thinking, surely it's been done.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12- It lands in John O'Groats, such an iconic route.- Yes.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15I went straight online, I thought, who's done it before me? I'll be the fastest person
0:15:15 > 0:15:18and soon found no-one had even attempted it. So...
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Presumably, there is a moment, you know,
0:15:21 > 0:15:24where you get stung by a jellyfish, when you find yourself thinking,
0:15:24 > 0:15:26ah, money's all right. LAUGHTER
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Yes, so when I did the swim,
0:15:28 > 0:15:31I was getting stung in the face by jellyfish a lot.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35I soon realised where I had a beard, um, I wasn't getting stung as much.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37- So, that's why you grew the beard? - That's why I grew the beard,
0:15:37 > 0:15:42- I grew the beard to shield my face from jellyfish.- Who knew that? So, jellyfish hate beards?- Yes...
0:15:42 > 0:15:43- Ironically...- They hate hipsters,
0:15:43 > 0:15:47they don't go anywhere near, they don't go to Shoreditch, they hate it.
0:15:47 > 0:15:48- And also...- Go on.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51..there's an urban myth on what fixes jellyfish stings.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53I've heard that, yes. It's getting weed on, isn't it?
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Yes, it does not work, and was very embarrassing.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57- Considering... - LAUGHTER
0:15:57 > 0:16:00- ..I got stung on the face.- Hang on, they were weeing on your face?
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Kind of used a cloth...
0:16:02 > 0:16:05- AUDIENCE:- Agh!- It was my own as well. Not the crew.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09That's what I'm getting at, surely at that moment, you think, money's better than this.
0:16:09 > 0:16:10LAUGHTER
0:16:10 > 0:16:11So, how long did it take?
0:16:11 > 0:16:14I thought it would take two months. It took four and a half.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Four and a half months of just swimming?
0:16:16 > 0:16:19- There were days where I couldn't swim cos of the bad weather...- Yes.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Big storms in Scotland, nearly sank the boat. Um...
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Your brain never just occasionally went mad?
0:16:24 > 0:16:26- You never found yourself thinking...- Every day.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29Especially in the night sessions, you get in, cos it's all tidal,
0:16:29 > 0:16:32you've got to swim with the tide, but I swear this happened
0:16:32 > 0:16:35- at Cape Wrath, as I was going round the, the top...- Yeah.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38I'm swimming along and there's this bird swimming below me
0:16:38 > 0:16:40and it looks at me and it winks.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43- This happened...- No, it didn't! - It definitely happened.
0:16:43 > 0:16:44- 100%, this happened. - LAUGHTER
0:16:44 > 0:16:47It winked at me and listen to me, and then it swam to the surface,
0:16:47 > 0:16:50got up, popped up and then flew away and I got out the water
0:16:50 > 0:16:52and I, the girl in the kayak, Em,
0:16:52 > 0:16:54"Did you see that?" She's like, "No, mate."
0:16:54 > 0:16:56- It definitely happened. - Oh, I love that.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Five minutes later this massive storm came in,
0:16:59 > 0:17:01the kayak capsized, the rib capsized...
0:17:01 > 0:17:04And the fish went, "Come with me, you'll be fine..."
0:17:04 > 0:17:06LAUGHTER "Protect you with the coral."
0:17:06 > 0:17:08- It definitely happened. - They didn't, mate.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11I love you, I find it really interesting, but that's a great yarn.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13LAUGHTER
0:17:13 > 0:17:15A seagull came along and went, "Hello!"
0:17:15 > 0:17:16LAUGHTER
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Although it is interesting when you form bonds. I mean,
0:17:19 > 0:17:20it's a similar kind of thing,
0:17:20 > 0:17:23I used to have a paper round, it was three miles long...
0:17:23 > 0:17:25LAUGHTER I feel and know your pain
0:17:25 > 0:17:27and I used to get so bored on that
0:17:27 > 0:17:30I used to chat to the, do you know the wood pigeons?
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Hah, hah, hah. I used to...
0:17:32 > 0:17:33PIGEON CALL
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Yeah, I used to do that too! LAUGHTER
0:17:35 > 0:17:39I've never met anyone that's tried to have a chat with wood pigeons.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42I normally trump it, but you know how actually to do it,
0:17:42 > 0:17:44I just used to go, hah, hah, hah. LAUGHTER
0:17:44 > 0:17:47And you pull up... Actually, what you do is this.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49RUSSELL TOOTLES
0:17:49 > 0:17:51LAUGHTER
0:17:52 > 0:17:54- Mm!- Wink, wink. - LAUGHTER
0:17:54 > 0:17:57What do you think he was trying to tell you? "Good on you, mate?"
0:17:57 > 0:17:58There was a storm coming, I think.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01- There's a storm coming?- Yeah, I know, very odd way of saying that.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04Surely, "Don't, f...stop!" LAUGHTER
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Not, "Hi!" LAUGHTER
0:18:06 > 0:18:09- "You're really fit."- Yeah. - LAUGHTER
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Oh, I love that.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14The other thing I find interesting about you, there's so much stuff,
0:18:14 > 0:18:16- you climbed Mount Kilimanjaro.- Yes.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18- Fantastic thing to have done. - Yeah.- But...
0:18:18 > 0:18:20- you didn't do it in an ordinary fashion.- No. So,
0:18:20 > 0:18:24Mount Kilimanjaro, highest freestanding mountain in the world,
0:18:24 > 0:18:27there were seven of us, all my mates all said, "Right, let's go up."
0:18:27 > 0:18:29In the pub, and I swear this happened...
0:18:29 > 0:18:31- Just that night, you left? - Yeah, literally like, let's go.
0:18:31 > 0:18:36And I'm pretty sure we all agreed to wear penguin suits
0:18:36 > 0:18:38and waddle up for charity.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41So the next morning I went and bought my penguin suit,
0:18:41 > 0:18:43and we all flew out and I got in my penguin suit
0:18:43 > 0:18:45- and they were like, "We're joking, mate." - LAUGHTER
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Oh, what? I've told everyone.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50- And once you've told three people, then you can't go back.- Yeah.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53So, I waddled up Kilimanjaro in a penguin suit.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55How extraordinary is that? The entire...
0:18:55 > 0:18:57APPLAUSE ..exactly, it's incredible.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00- I love it.- It had the yellow feet and everything. It was quite hard.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04- But...- I felt really bad for everyone with their altimeters and crampons.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08Do you know who I feel bad for? The other people climbing.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12Altitude sickness, they look over, "Oh, my God, there's a penguin...
0:19:12 > 0:19:13- "with a really big beard."- Yeah.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15I was worried about that,
0:19:15 > 0:19:17cos I didn't want to devalue other people's attempts.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20But actually it had the reverse effect, people were kind of like,
0:19:20 > 0:19:22"Bloody hell, if a bloody penguin can do it, I can do it,"
0:19:22 > 0:19:24and then they would get up and march up...
0:19:24 > 0:19:27- And you did it, you made it all the way.- Yeah, I summited twice.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Cos my one mate got altitude sickness and he was far behind
0:19:29 > 0:19:33so on my way back down, I turned round and carried him up again.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37How lovely is that? So, a penguin carried a man up...
0:19:37 > 0:19:39LAUGHTER
0:19:39 > 0:19:41That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42- APPLAUSE - Yeah...
0:19:42 > 0:19:47I've have this lovely image of you, just...
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Would you ever, actually I was going to ask you about this,
0:19:49 > 0:19:52when you were jogging, have you ever sort of run into weirdos?
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Cos I've done, I've run, I've ran, no, genuinely...
0:19:55 > 0:19:56LAUGHTER
0:19:56 > 0:19:59I did the Bath half marathon, right? Did that and a lady,
0:19:59 > 0:20:03she was about 60, was behind me, kind of looking at my arse,
0:20:03 > 0:20:05genuinely going, "That's what I call good news."
0:20:05 > 0:20:08LAUGHTER Like that, OK? And hit my arse.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10APPLAUSE
0:20:10 > 0:20:12So, I'm curious, do you...?
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Because...Britain is full of wild and interesting people,
0:20:15 > 0:20:17- have you run into any of those? - Oh, it's amazing.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19I love everyone in Britain.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21I love doing adventures here,
0:20:21 > 0:20:23because you get quite a few lock-ins.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25- Those are quite fun. - Yeah, of course.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27During my run, I have a Welsh mate,
0:20:27 > 0:20:30who tweeted me and said, "Mate, you know,
0:20:30 > 0:20:32"you can't run Britain and not come to Wales."
0:20:32 > 0:20:34I was like, dammit, you're right.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37And I'd already planned to be in Bristol the following day,
0:20:37 > 0:20:41so I had to run 40 miles to have a pint with a Welshman.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43So, I got to this pub...
0:20:43 > 0:20:45- Don't tell me it was closed.- No! - LAUGHTER
0:20:45 > 0:20:47It was five to 11,
0:20:47 > 0:20:51so I thought, "I'll get at least one pint in with Matt." And, um...
0:20:51 > 0:20:53the landlord's like, "Don't worry, lock-in, lock-in, it's fine."
0:20:53 > 0:20:56- Oh, nice.- Great, you know. One o'clock, two o'clock...
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Oh, and he just carried on? Yeah.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Eventually 5:30, the sun's coming up and right, let's go to sleep.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05Er, slept for a few hours, eight o'clock in the morning, got up,
0:21:05 > 0:21:06had a fry up and ran a marathon.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Ah, that is amazing.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11APPLAUSE
0:21:11 > 0:21:15Right, one last question, what is next for you? Desk job?
0:21:15 > 0:21:16- LAUGHTER - Yeah! No.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20I'm planning a really, really long ironman.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22So, I've done the swim, cycle and run,
0:21:22 > 0:21:24but all independently,
0:21:24 > 0:21:27so I've, in my mind, I've planned this really long ironman.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29- The normal ironman takes 15 hours. - Yeah.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33- My one is three months.- Shit. - Somewhere there?
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- I'll do the Forrest Gump thing, but now with all the disciplines.- Nice.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38How amazing was that?
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Ladies and gentlemen, the wonderful Sean Conway.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:42 > 0:21:43APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:21:46 > 0:21:47# See you later. #
0:21:48 > 0:21:52Elsewhere in the news, how mental is this?
0:21:52 > 0:21:53The campaign's been launched
0:21:53 > 0:21:58asking the public to come up with messages to send to aliens in space.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01That's right - they want us to write letters to aliens.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04I say we send them a prank message, so when they arrive - "Who are Isis,
0:22:04 > 0:22:08"and why do they think we haven't got the guts to anally probe them?"
0:22:10 > 0:22:12That's what we should do.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16So... APPLAUSE
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Why are we sending messages to aliens?
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Voyagers 1 and 2 were launched in the '70s
0:22:21 > 0:22:24carrying recordings and greetings for extraterrestrial life
0:22:24 > 0:22:26that might come across the aircraft -
0:22:26 > 0:22:29but researchers now want to update the messages
0:22:29 > 0:22:31to reflect the last 40 years.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34I'm not surprised we're sending an update - they're probably like,
0:22:34 > 0:22:38"Forget everything we said about Rolf Harris!"
0:22:38 > 0:22:40"Do not write to Jimmy Savile!
0:22:40 > 0:22:43"He won't fix anything!"
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Mind you, I'm not sure we should be chatting to aliens -
0:22:46 > 0:22:48did you hear what this woman reckons they did?
0:23:00 > 0:23:04Jesus! That would've changed the John Lewis ad, wouldn't it?!
0:23:04 > 0:23:05"Uhhh...
0:23:05 > 0:23:06"Uhhh...
0:23:06 > 0:23:09"Uhhh... Right, now tidy up.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13"No, in fact pass me that telescope.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15"I'll give you something to cry about."
0:23:20 > 0:23:21Elsewhere in the news,
0:23:21 > 0:23:23there's been some mental crime stories knocking around.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Have you heard how police in Cambridge
0:23:25 > 0:23:27want victims to contact them?
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Police in Cambridgeshire are telling crime victims to call them
0:23:30 > 0:23:34via Skype instead of expecting a visit by an officer.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36That's a great idea, innit?
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Unless you've had your laptop nicked.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Or you're a pensioner.
0:23:40 > 0:23:41They're not great with technology -
0:23:41 > 0:23:43I called my nan on FaceTime the other day -
0:23:43 > 0:23:46she thought I was stuck in the phone.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49So, I had to play along. I had to!
0:23:49 > 0:23:50"Help me!"
0:23:51 > 0:23:53"What's happened, Russ?!"
0:23:53 > 0:23:55"I'm dying!"
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Let's be honest - Skype's not a good idea.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00You never know what can happen.
0:24:00 > 0:24:01Ooh, shake that ass!
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Mm... Let me see your face.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10HE SCREAMS
0:24:10 > 0:24:13It could happen.
0:24:13 > 0:24:14APPLAUSE
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Mind you, if you think using Skype's weird,
0:24:19 > 0:24:21have a look what police in Leicester have been doing.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24First tonight, criticism of Leicestershire police
0:24:24 > 0:24:27after it was revealed the force has only been investigating
0:24:27 > 0:24:31attempted burglaries if they happen at homes with even numbers.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38They've only been dealing with break-ins at even-numbered houses?!
0:24:38 > 0:24:40How did they come up with that?!
0:24:40 > 0:24:42"We need to halve crime figures."
0:24:47 > 0:24:49You can't select the crimes you want to deal with -
0:24:49 > 0:24:50"Hello, officer, I've been shot!"
0:24:50 > 0:24:52"How many times?" "Three."
0:24:52 > 0:24:54"Sorry!"
0:24:54 > 0:24:56It's SO ridiculous, isn't it?
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Did you see why they're doing it?
0:24:58 > 0:25:00It's one of the latest ideas by Leicestershire police
0:25:00 > 0:25:03to try and save money.
0:25:03 > 0:25:04Save money?!
0:25:04 > 0:25:06What are they going to do next, get rid of sirens?
0:25:06 > 0:25:09Have them leaning out of the cars, just, "Whoo-oohh!
0:25:09 > 0:25:12"Whoo-oohh!"
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Christ, what do their Tasers look like?
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Taser, Taser, Taser!
0:25:16 > 0:25:17Oh, yes!
0:25:18 > 0:25:19STATIC CRACKLES
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Ooh!
0:25:22 > 0:25:24APPLAUSE Oh, thanks very much.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Not that all cutback stories are depressing -
0:25:29 > 0:25:31did you see this belter from Barnsley?
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Yes, he did. Look at this.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39HE READS IN YORKSHIRE ACCENT
0:25:42 > 0:25:45How great is THAT?!
0:25:45 > 0:25:46"Well, I COULD get it fixed.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48"No, let's have a bit of fun!
0:25:48 > 0:25:50"No bell, ding, ding.
0:25:50 > 0:25:55"Indicator's broken - you, get down there and blink like buggery.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57"Right, everyone, we're reversing - all together...
0:25:57 > 0:25:59"Beep, beep, beep, beep!
0:25:59 > 0:26:02"Oh, no, I've run someone over.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04"Don't worry, it's an even-numbered street.
0:26:04 > 0:26:08"Beep, beep, beep, beep!"
0:26:13 > 0:26:16Now, this week, the world may feel like a darker place,
0:26:16 > 0:26:19but hopefully this conversation between a father and son
0:26:19 > 0:26:21will put a little bit of light back into it.
0:26:21 > 0:26:22THEY SPEAK IN FRENCH
0:27:33 > 0:27:35- AUDIENCE:- Aww.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41APPLAUSE
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Thanks very much for watching Good News.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48Goodnight, my friends.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE