0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains some strong language and adult humour.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Thank you very much indeed!
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Oh!
0:00:29 > 0:00:33Welcome to Good News. So, what's been happening?
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Here's a tip - if you're going to stand behind a live interview,
0:00:36 > 0:00:37careful where you put your hands.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40And that was the key word - "hopeful"...
0:00:40 > 0:00:42LAUGHTER
0:00:42 > 0:00:47Over at Channel 4, Matt Frei wins my award for quickest face change ever.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Andy Davies reporting from Rhyl.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52After the break, from the prince to the former president's sex scandal,
0:00:52 > 0:00:54a convicted paedophile and the connections he had
0:00:54 > 0:00:57with some of the most powerful people in the world.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59LAUGHTER
0:01:00 > 0:01:02See if you can spot the exact moment
0:01:02 > 0:01:04someone popped a finger up this guy's arse.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Dealing with a difficult incident...
0:01:07 > 0:01:10when it's in the middle of the difficult incident.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13And finally, this young man gives the finest interview
0:01:13 > 0:01:16I've ever seen on BBC Breakfast.
0:01:16 > 0:01:20- Yes, very sadly, this liver needs to be replaced... - CHILD LAUGHS
0:01:20 > 0:01:21..and...
0:01:21 > 0:01:25So there will be more people on the register cos it will be automatic...
0:01:25 > 0:01:26CHILD BLOWS RASPBERRIES
0:01:26 > 0:01:29..obviously those people still need to make their wishes known
0:01:29 > 0:01:32to their next of kin cos the next of kin can still override...
0:01:32 > 0:01:35- Go and say hello.- Tracey's going to look after you.- There you go, Harry.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39- Say hello to Tracey. OK. - Tracey's going to catch him.- Sorry.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41- She's going to catch him! - Just tell us a little bit about...
0:01:41 > 0:01:43- Oh.- Oh, he's back.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46- OK.- Sorry.- Tell you what...
0:01:46 > 0:01:49I wanted to talk about what it was like waiting...
0:01:49 > 0:01:53I'm just going to wait until he's safely with Tracey.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:01:56 > 0:01:59Now, the big news of the week was definitely this.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02MPs have voted in favour of launching air strikes
0:02:02 > 0:02:04against the so-called Islamic State in Syria.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Within an hour of MPs approving operations,
0:02:07 > 0:02:10the RAF had dispatched jets from their base in Cyprus.
0:02:10 > 0:02:1367 Labour MPs defied their party leader, Jeremy Corbyn,
0:02:13 > 0:02:15and voted with the government.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19Corbyn lost his battle with Cameron to not bomb Syria
0:02:19 > 0:02:21after a heated debate with Labour MPs.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24How angry were they? Ridiculously so.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Look at this. Apparently some of his MPs were...
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Jesus!
0:02:34 > 0:02:36"I am livid!
0:02:36 > 0:02:39"Cover me in superglue and fetch my trampoline!"
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Our politicians shouldn't be angry.
0:02:43 > 0:02:44They should be calm.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47The world is so tense at the moment.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Did you see what Turkey did?
0:02:49 > 0:02:53A Russian fighter jet has been shot down by Turkish forces
0:02:53 > 0:02:55along its border with Syria.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57What are you doing, Turkey?
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Don't start on Russia!
0:03:00 > 0:03:04It's like Warwick Davis flicking an orc in the bollocks.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:06 > 0:03:10Just calm down. Do you know what I mean, though?
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Do you know what I mean?
0:03:12 > 0:03:16Did you see how long they waited before they shot the plane down?
0:03:20 > 0:03:2417 seconds?! I've done farts longer than that.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27What were they thinking?
0:03:27 > 0:03:28"Mr President,
0:03:28 > 0:03:31"there has been a Russian plane in our airspace for 12 seconds.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35"Shall we blow it out of the sky and potentially start World War III?"
0:03:35 > 0:03:39"Whoa! No, everybody calm down.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45"Give it five more seconds.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49"We don't want to come across as crazy."
0:03:50 > 0:03:54Of all the people to wind up, why would you pick on Vladimir Putin?
0:03:54 > 0:03:58He's not exactly balanced. Or as this guy puts it...
0:03:58 > 0:03:59Putin's a nutter.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Damn right he is.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06What other leader goes to the UN and gives himself a strangle wank?
0:04:07 > 0:04:08LAUGHTER
0:04:08 > 0:04:10APPLAUSE
0:04:14 > 0:04:17And Russian military experts aren't exactly sane.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21They should level the score and maybe teach Turkey a lesson
0:04:21 > 0:04:24and shoot down a Turkish plane in response.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26That's how wars start, though, isn't it?
0:04:26 > 0:04:29That could lead to an escalation.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31LAUGHTER
0:04:31 > 0:04:33You think?
0:04:34 > 0:04:36The world is so messed up at the moment.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Everywhere you turn there's horror.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Did you see what happened in America this week?
0:04:41 > 0:04:45President Obama has made another call for tighter gun control
0:04:45 > 0:04:48following the shooting at an abortion clinic in Colorado
0:04:48 > 0:04:50which left three people dead.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Police said the gunman was a 57-year-old man
0:04:52 > 0:04:55who gave himself up after a shoot-out with police.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58He's a 57-year-old fuckwit. He shot... He is!
0:04:58 > 0:05:03He shot three people at an abortion clinic cos he was pro-life.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05LAUGHTER
0:05:06 > 0:05:11How can you be pro-life and shoot someone?
0:05:11 > 0:05:14HE MIMICS GUNSHOT "Stop killing people!
0:05:15 > 0:05:17LAUGHTER
0:05:18 > 0:05:20"Or I'll kill you!"
0:05:22 > 0:05:23The lunacy gets worse.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27Some people actually went on Twitter and praised him.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30HE READS IN US ACCENT
0:05:36 > 0:05:38No, she didn't, you stupid gimp.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41Women don't have abortions for a laugh,
0:05:41 > 0:05:43they do it cos they're scared, they're young,
0:05:43 > 0:05:44they may have been raped,
0:05:44 > 0:05:47and maybe they don't want to bring a baby into a world
0:05:47 > 0:05:50where morons shoot pregnant women.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52"I'm pro-life!" If you're so pro-life,
0:05:52 > 0:05:55why don't you fuck off and get one?
0:05:55 > 0:05:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:05:57 > 0:05:59It's true, though, isn't it?
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Abortion is a personal choice
0:06:04 > 0:06:07and sometimes, refusing one can have grave consequences.
0:06:16 > 0:06:17LAUGHTER
0:06:17 > 0:06:19APPLAUSE
0:06:19 > 0:06:20See what I mean?
0:06:24 > 0:06:26# Baby, baby, baby... # No.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Tell you who else I feel sorry for - Obama.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Every time there's a shooting,
0:06:33 > 0:06:36you see him on the news like a broken man.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39As a country, we have been through this too many times.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41There's nothing normal about our children
0:06:41 > 0:06:43being gunned down in their classrooms.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47Part of what makes this so painful is that we've been here before.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50We've talked about this after Columbine and Blacksburg,
0:06:50 > 0:06:55after Tucson, after Newtown, after Aurora, after Charleston...
0:06:59 > 0:07:03Look at him. Look at him, he's on the verge of tears.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07But what can he do? America has such a gun-obsessed culture.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10I mean, where else would you see a product like this?
0:07:10 > 0:07:13Anna Henry is giving the meaning of "girl power"
0:07:13 > 0:07:14a whole new round of ammo.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16With the breakaway tab, you can quickly grab it
0:07:16 > 0:07:19- and pop it right out.- Armed and ready at any moment's notice,
0:07:19 > 0:07:24the Topeka native shows off her very own concealed carry corset.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27She's invented knickers that hold guns.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31Who needs a tooled-up fanny? Nobody!
0:07:34 > 0:07:38But then, what hope did she have when her grandad - her grandad! -
0:07:38 > 0:07:40taught her bullshit like this?
0:07:40 > 0:07:42The company, based in Kansas City, Missouri,
0:07:42 > 0:07:47is named for her grandfather, Dean Adams, a Topeka man who taught Henry
0:07:47 > 0:07:50"A gun is no different than a lawn mower."
0:07:50 > 0:07:52LAUGHTER
0:07:54 > 0:07:55What?!
0:07:55 > 0:07:59Guns are no different from lawn... Yes, they are!
0:07:59 > 0:08:02No-one's ever been the victim of a drive-by strimming!
0:08:04 > 0:08:06HE MAKES LAWNMOWER NOISES
0:08:06 > 0:08:09You don't see nutters going to schools with Flymos.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12"Just come here!" LAWNMOWER NOISES
0:08:12 > 0:08:13"Come here!" LAWNMOWER NOISES
0:08:13 > 0:08:16"I can't reach you with the cable, come here!"
0:08:20 > 0:08:22So what else? Well, Black Friday happened.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Last year, we saw this...
0:08:24 > 0:08:27The rush to find a Black Friday bargain descended into chaos
0:08:27 > 0:08:30and, in some places, violence today.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33- The loser...- BLEEP, BLEEP! - ..a little bit of British decorum.
0:08:33 > 0:08:34Go for it!
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Thousands of people punching each other for tellies.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42This year... Not quite so chaotic.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44They opened early for business in Norwich,
0:08:44 > 0:08:46but they needn't have bothered.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48There wasn't a shopper in sight.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50- You're the only one here, aren't you?- Yeah.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53LAUGHTER
0:08:53 > 0:08:54Nobody turned up - it was wonderful!
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Look at the plans they'd put in place at Debenhams.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Debenhams, we're standing outside -
0:08:59 > 0:09:03they laid on 1,000 staff from 4.30 in the morning.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07Each of them had a little survival bag ready for the onslaught.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Survival bag!
0:09:09 > 0:09:10"Get ready...
0:09:11 > 0:09:12"Any second..."
0:09:21 > 0:09:22"Hmm...
0:09:25 > 0:09:27"I don't think they're coming.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36"I brought a shield."
0:09:38 > 0:09:40We just didn't give a shit!
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Americans, were they excited about Black Friday?
0:09:43 > 0:09:44What do you think?
0:09:44 > 0:09:48Yeah! Yeah!
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Yeah! Number one, yeah!
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Yeah!
0:09:53 > 0:09:55OK, OK, double, double!
0:09:55 > 0:09:57YEAH!
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Whooooo!
0:09:59 > 0:10:01YEAH!
0:10:01 > 0:10:03That is Jarvis Johnson.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05He was so giddy about Black Friday,
0:10:05 > 0:10:08he camped outside that shop for a week!
0:10:08 > 0:10:10He became an internet sensation.
0:10:10 > 0:10:1330 million people watched him online.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17He may like a bargain, but his maths skills are appalling.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20They say we hit over 30 million views
0:10:20 > 0:10:23in less than a week. 30 million views in less than a week!
0:10:23 > 0:10:26And if you really do the math on that,
0:10:26 > 0:10:2830 million in a week?
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Oh, my God. 8, 16, 24, 32...
0:10:30 > 0:10:32That's almost 9 million views a day. Almost!
0:10:32 > 0:10:35LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
0:10:37 > 0:10:38Let me do the math on that.
0:10:38 > 0:10:437, 14, 21... 28. So let's do...
0:10:43 > 0:10:46OK. Retrack the math, retrack the math!
0:10:46 > 0:10:49What was it? Three times seven?
0:10:51 > 0:10:54I love him so much!
0:10:54 > 0:10:55But that's nothing.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58My favourite bit was when he was interviewed in his tent
0:10:58 > 0:10:59and then this happened.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01You are also a freestyle rapper.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Give me a little rap about Black Friday.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04# Yo, check it, check it, check it out
0:11:04 > 0:11:07# Hope you like the price, cos it's very, very nice
0:11:07 > 0:11:10# I'm doin' what I do, I'm tryin-a get a TV just for you
0:11:10 > 0:11:13# Ooh, one-49, for a 49 inch
0:11:13 > 0:11:15# I hope you like the TV cos I like it too
0:11:15 > 0:11:17# Ooh, there we go. #
0:11:17 > 0:11:18Yeah! I love it. You are great.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Who raps about shopping?
0:11:25 > 0:11:27# I like shopping, check the dollar that I spend
0:11:27 > 0:11:29# Makes me feel like dancing in my big-ass tent
0:11:29 > 0:11:31# People be hatin' like "You a stupid fool!"
0:11:31 > 0:11:32# Well, joke's on them
0:11:32 > 0:11:35I'm collecting vouchers for school. #
0:11:35 > 0:11:38APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER
0:11:38 > 0:11:41I got them. I got them vouchers.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45On Monday, I got four vouchers.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Tuesday, I got five.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49So what's that? Four plus five, what's that?
0:11:49 > 0:11:5517? Is that... No. No, no. It's 11 plus...12.
0:11:55 > 0:12:01Like, if you carry... Hang on, like, four plus four is 117.
0:12:01 > 0:12:02I don't know!
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Retrack the math! Retrack the math!
0:12:12 > 0:12:14In political news, the unthinkable happened.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16As U-turns go, it was a pretty big one.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19The Chancellor, George Osborne, has scrapped his controversial plans
0:12:19 > 0:12:23to cut tax credits for millions of low-paid workers.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25So weird, innit?
0:12:25 > 0:12:27George Osborne's done something nice...
0:12:27 > 0:12:29LAUGHTER
0:12:31 > 0:12:33The whole world's changed.
0:12:34 > 0:12:35What next? Joey Essex on QI?
0:12:41 > 0:12:44I bet you're all like me, I was so excited by this.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47I thought, "Maybe the Tory party have changed.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49"Maybe they're going to start listening to us."
0:12:49 > 0:12:51And then I read about this wanker.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53That's Philip Davies. Remember him?
0:12:53 > 0:12:55A few weeks ago, he spoke for 93 minutes
0:12:55 > 0:12:59so that a bill to give carers free hospital parking couldn't be debated.
0:12:59 > 0:13:00Well, guess what?
0:13:08 > 0:13:09What an arsehole!
0:13:09 > 0:13:12"I don't want kids learning about First Aid.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15"I want them to learn relevant things that will help them today,
0:13:15 > 0:13:17"like Latin and the recorder."
0:13:19 > 0:13:23It's such bullshit! I've put someone in the recovery position.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26I've never been at a party and gone, "I know what this needs!"
0:13:26 > 0:13:29HE HUMS Little Donkey
0:13:33 > 0:13:35You know?
0:13:37 > 0:13:41Some girl in the corner - "Dominus meus, Russell. Dominus meus!"
0:13:42 > 0:13:44It gets even more ludicrous.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Did you see the reason why he wanted this bill blocked?
0:13:51 > 0:13:54What kind of logic is that?!
0:13:54 > 0:13:56"Don't learn things that I forgot."
0:13:57 > 0:14:02Kids shouldn't be punished just cos you're a shit for brains.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04What I want... Yeah! CHEERING
0:14:04 > 0:14:05What I want to know...
0:14:09 > 0:14:11He does my head in, this bloke. What I want to know -
0:14:11 > 0:14:13how is he allowed to get away with filibustering?
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Basically, what he does - he speaks for long enough
0:14:16 > 0:14:19so that important things can't be discussed in parliament.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23That's what filibustering is. He just talks bollocks to stop democracy.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26Well, if he's allowed to make stuff up to pass the time, then so am I.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28LAUGHTER
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Philip Davies can only shit if a cat watches him.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35What? What? I'm just filibustering.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39Philip Davies... Philip Davies loves to sniff bike seats.
0:14:39 > 0:14:45What? I'm not saying you do, Phil, I'm just saying... I'm filibustering!
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Philip Davies' only hobbies - ONLY hobbies -
0:14:47 > 0:14:50are killing ladybirds and farting in lifts.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55It's filibustering.
0:14:56 > 0:14:5852 minutes of this I've got!
0:15:00 > 0:15:01Philip Davies...
0:15:01 > 0:15:04'The BBC would like to point out that Russell was true to his word,
0:15:04 > 0:15:06'and did talk bollocks for 52 minutes,
0:15:06 > 0:15:10'but as this is a 28-minute show, we've had to fast-forward.'
0:15:10 > 0:15:13..and most importantly, Philip Davies can only get hard
0:15:13 > 0:15:15thinking about Jeremy Kyle.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18APPLAUSE
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Yeah!
0:15:28 > 0:15:30What...
0:15:30 > 0:15:34What I'm trying to say is that filibustering shouldn't be allowed.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36We elect MPs to discuss things that matter to us
0:15:36 > 0:15:39and this archaic bullshit has to stop.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42You might think this is great for droning on and on,
0:15:42 > 0:15:45but the edited version is far more interesting.
0:15:45 > 0:15:46I mean, as far as I'm concerned,
0:15:46 > 0:15:47I'm...an idiotic...arse...hole.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:15:53 > 0:15:56My guest tonight is the leader of the Liberal Democrats.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59Tim Farron has been elected to lead the Liberal Democrats,
0:15:59 > 0:16:00succeeding Nick Clegg,
0:16:00 > 0:16:02who resigned after the party's worst every election result.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Tim Farron will be unknown to most voters,
0:16:05 > 0:16:08but he's been a Liberal activist for decades.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10This may be a small step for Liberals,
0:16:10 > 0:16:12but it's a giant leap for Leyland.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16He first stood for parliament in 1992 against Theresa May,
0:16:16 > 0:16:19then worked at a university before winning in the Lake District.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23I am proud to be British and I am proud of Britain's values,
0:16:23 > 0:16:26so when Mr Cameron turns his back on the needy
0:16:26 > 0:16:28and turns his back on our neighbours,
0:16:28 > 0:16:30I want the world to know he does not speak for me,
0:16:30 > 0:16:34he does not speak for us, he does not speak for Britain.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Tim Farron.
0:16:39 > 0:16:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:16:40 > 0:16:44- Thank you very much for coming on. - Thanks for having me.- Pleasure.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46We were just chatting earlier
0:16:46 > 0:16:48and the last interview - was it the last one you did? -
0:16:48 > 0:16:51was at a primary school, and it was a brilliant...
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Listen to the question he was asked by a kid, it was fantastic.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55The best audiences anywhere -
0:16:55 > 0:16:58so a seven-year-old lad at Sedbergh Primary School,
0:16:58 > 0:17:01he says, "Have you met the Queen?" I say, "Yeah."
0:17:01 > 0:17:02"Does she smell?"
0:17:04 > 0:17:07- And the good thing... - You can't prepare for those.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10- No.- "Fragrant" is the answer, obviously.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14I imagine she smells of just a bit of Joop!
0:17:14 > 0:17:15Fsst! Fsst!
0:17:15 > 0:17:18IMITATES THE QUEEN: Go on, Tim, give us a sniff.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Tell me that's not just right.
0:17:21 > 0:17:22You were there, too.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25I'd sniff her, yeah. Just Prince Philip...
0:17:25 > 0:17:28IMITATES PRINCE PHILIP: I smell of Lynx Africa...!
0:17:34 > 0:17:38First question I have to ask you, have you ever met Philip Davies?
0:17:38 > 0:17:39I have met Philip Davies.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Can you do me a favour next time you see him?
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Just before he goes for a chat,
0:17:43 > 0:17:45can you put some laxatives in his drink
0:17:45 > 0:17:47so that he can't talk for 93 minutes?
0:17:47 > 0:17:51He could talk for 93 minutes, he'd just be quite messy.
0:17:51 > 0:17:52How do we stop it?
0:17:52 > 0:17:54I think it's a thing that really annoys me,
0:17:54 > 0:17:57it really pisses off the audience, but how do we stop filibustering?
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Cos it seems so...undemocratic.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04What I don't understand is why you would bother doing that,
0:18:04 > 0:18:07particularly when it's coming down to free car parking for carers
0:18:07 > 0:18:11or, you know, first aid in schools - surely you get involved in politics
0:18:11 > 0:18:13to try and make a difference and to change things,
0:18:13 > 0:18:17not to waste your Friday standing up to spoil somebody else's motion.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Exactly, man - I will applaud that.
0:18:20 > 0:18:21APPLAUSE
0:18:23 > 0:18:26As the leader of the Lib Dems, I have to ask you...
0:18:26 > 0:18:27How is Nick Clegg?
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Because I have an image of him and Ed Miliband
0:18:30 > 0:18:34just meeting up and just weeping into their tea.
0:18:34 > 0:18:35Is he all right?
0:18:35 > 0:18:39He's fine - I actually bumped into him and Ed Miliband
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- talking to each other the other week.- Really?
0:18:42 > 0:18:46- They both looked very relieved. - Do you think? Swapping mix tapes?
0:18:46 > 0:18:47I think it must be...
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Yeah, I think that's what they do.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51He's all right, I saw him earlier, he was fine.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Good - and do you think it was a mistake
0:18:53 > 0:18:54to go into coalition or not?
0:18:54 > 0:18:56I think we made some mistakes in coalition
0:18:56 > 0:18:59but I didn't join to cop out - if you're involved in politics,
0:18:59 > 0:19:02even if you choose a difficult route, which frankly, ours is,
0:19:02 > 0:19:03you should want to be in power.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05That's what I love about you,
0:19:05 > 0:19:07because - I don't mean this with any offence -
0:19:07 > 0:19:10it's very unlikely that you're going to be Prime Minister,
0:19:10 > 0:19:12but you're trying...
0:19:12 > 0:19:15No, but you're trying so hard and that's what I admire.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17I was trying to think about what it's like,
0:19:17 > 0:19:18and it's a bit like my brother
0:19:18 > 0:19:20planning a date with Scarlett Johansson.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- Yeah?- It's... It could happen... - We're ready if it comes up.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Correct, and that's exactly what my brother's planning,
0:19:26 > 0:19:29but it's never going to happen, and yet he's thinking,
0:19:29 > 0:19:32"Maybe, just maybe,
0:19:32 > 0:19:35"I could bang Scarlett Johansson."
0:19:35 > 0:19:38And he would need to be ready should the opportunity arise.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41That's what I think of you, now - just readying yourself for Scarlett.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43I just...
0:19:43 > 0:19:45An enduring image, will take some shaking off.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47- But...- There's a better way of putting it than that.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50- Probably a better way of putting it. - Don't shake it off.
0:19:50 > 0:19:51Shake it off before the date.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Yeah, there you go. Right, we'll move on.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59Why do you think people are so disillusioned with politicians?
0:19:59 > 0:20:01- It's a tricky one, innit? - Somebody once said
0:20:01 > 0:20:04that nothing so disillusions the voter
0:20:04 > 0:20:06than backing the winning candidate -
0:20:06 > 0:20:08in other words, your hopes, generally speaking,
0:20:08 > 0:20:10aren't fulfilled.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13Now I try as a constituency MP to try and prove that wrong
0:20:13 > 0:20:16by over-delivering, but...
0:20:16 > 0:20:20So, for example, Justin Trudeau, leader of the Liberal Party in Canada,
0:20:20 > 0:20:22just become Prime Minister of Canada, came from third place -
0:20:22 > 0:20:24they had a shocking election the previous time,
0:20:24 > 0:20:27so my hopes are very much on trying to emulate him in some way.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29He's got better hair and a tattoo.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32I can fix one of those things, but not the hair.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36- If you want to get a tattoo tonight, I'll take you for a tat.- Any advice?
0:20:36 > 0:20:38- I'd get a big one on the back. - Yeah? Saying What?
0:20:38 > 0:20:40"Don't fuck with me."
0:20:40 > 0:20:41Yeah, OK... OK.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43And every time Philip Davies gets up,
0:20:43 > 0:20:45- I'll just drop my top. - Yeah.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48That would be absolute... Oh, please.
0:20:49 > 0:20:50Wouldn't that be great?
0:20:52 > 0:20:55I think one of the reasons why people are disillusioned with politicians
0:20:55 > 0:20:58is that noise a lot of them make in the House of Commons,
0:20:58 > 0:21:00that..."Yah, yah...!"
0:21:00 > 0:21:02- Because...- Yeah. - "Bah...!"
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Like...it sounds like someone is doing something terrible
0:21:05 > 0:21:07to Brian Blessed, and yet...
0:21:08 > 0:21:11You never hear that noise in any other workplace.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Why do they do it?
0:21:13 > 0:21:15We're all watching them going, "Stop making that noise!"
0:21:15 > 0:21:17I've never felt so common
0:21:17 > 0:21:19- as the day I first entered the House of Commons.- Yeah.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23There is a sense the House of Commons feels like a public school
0:21:23 > 0:21:26and for lots of people, it probably reminds them of their school
0:21:26 > 0:21:29and they behave a little bit like they did
0:21:29 > 0:21:31- when they were at that kind of school.- Yeah.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33I didn't go to that kind of school.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36So you should be just, sort of, egging them...
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- We made different noises. - What noises did you make at school?
0:21:39 > 0:21:42Probably gobbing noises? I don't know.
0:21:43 > 0:21:48There's no easy way of twisting this, but what do we do about Syria?
0:21:48 > 0:21:51- So, there's no easy answer... - Cos we're all terrified.- Yeah.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54I spent some time over the last few months
0:21:54 > 0:21:58going to some of the refugee camps in the Greek islands and Calais,
0:21:58 > 0:22:01near here, and you meet people, families,
0:22:01 > 0:22:03including really small kids,
0:22:03 > 0:22:07who have basically fled ISIS and have fled Assad
0:22:07 > 0:22:09and the one thing I'm certain we can't do
0:22:09 > 0:22:12- is turn our back on them cos it's too difficult.- Yeah.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14It is a really important thing that we tackle.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18I am, by instinct, somebody who doesn't like the idea of war,
0:22:18 > 0:22:19but sometimes you have to intervene
0:22:19 > 0:22:22and we've just got to look at the evidence in front of us -
0:22:22 > 0:22:25so Iran, Russia and the Western powers
0:22:25 > 0:22:26are all talking to each other,
0:22:26 > 0:22:29so that's the first time in ages that's happened.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32It probably wouldn't have happened without the Paris outrage.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33So the answer is talking together,
0:22:33 > 0:22:37but you can't rule out the prospect of having to use military force
0:22:37 > 0:22:40- to take on, frankly, the most evil people since the Nazis.- Yeah.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42APPLAUSE
0:22:46 > 0:22:47Now, I've got...
0:22:47 > 0:22:51- Here, I've got some audience questions.- Great.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54So this isn't on me - this is on our audience here.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56- Looking forward to it.- Yup. These are going to be quickfire.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Have you ever had a sexual encounter with a pig?
0:22:59 > 0:23:00No.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02No, I haven't.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07That is a...
0:23:07 > 0:23:13The morning that news arrived on our TV screens was the morning
0:23:13 > 0:23:16I've never felt more happy to be a vegetarian.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19RUSSELL LAUGHS
0:23:19 > 0:23:20Nice.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23What's the first thing you'd do if you became Prime Minister?
0:23:23 > 0:23:27Pinch myself. Twirl around in the chair a bit, probably,
0:23:27 > 0:23:30then I'd tackle the housing crisis.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Let's hope to God they record that.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35"Argh! Spinny! Let's get serious."
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Housing, housing...
0:23:38 > 0:23:401.6 million people on a council house waiting list
0:23:40 > 0:23:43- and it's not fair. We need to build more homes.- Good man.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46At Christmas - this is an absolutely wonderful question,
0:23:46 > 0:23:47this is from Joseph -
0:23:47 > 0:23:50at Christmas, have you ever put drawing pins on the benches
0:23:50 > 0:23:53in the House of Lords just to see ten lords a-leaping?
0:23:53 > 0:23:56LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:56 > 0:23:57Haven't done that yet.
0:23:59 > 0:24:00Do you actually like Russell Howard
0:24:00 > 0:24:02or are you just here for the publicity?
0:24:02 > 0:24:04LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:24:09 > 0:24:13- A bit of both, really. - A bit of both...nice.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Final question here, final question here -
0:24:16 > 0:24:18- what do you want to do with politics? - Make a difference.
0:24:18 > 0:24:19We'll all be forgotten.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22If you try and set up a legacy and try to be remembered,
0:24:22 > 0:24:24it's completely vain, it'll be in vain,
0:24:24 > 0:24:26you'll never be remembered but you can do some good.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Providing affordable homes for people,
0:24:28 > 0:24:30trying to tackle climate change for our grandchildren,
0:24:30 > 0:24:32those sort of things, they're worth doing.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Absolutely. That was an absolute treat -
0:24:35 > 0:24:38ladies and gentlemen, the wonderful Tim Farron!
0:24:38 > 0:24:40- Thank you.- Pleasure.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Some truly mad health stories in the news.
0:24:48 > 0:24:49First up, you're going to love this.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Have a look at the way Norway
0:24:51 > 0:24:54are trying to educate young people about STDs.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57A 19-year-old glitter-spraying penis mascot
0:24:57 > 0:25:01was sent out by sexual health charity RFSU
0:25:01 > 0:25:04to spread awareness of STI prevention.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07With the tag line, "The penis can surprise you",
0:25:07 > 0:25:09the campaign features a giant penis
0:25:09 > 0:25:12creeping up on people in parks and cafes
0:25:12 > 0:25:15and spraying them with a golden shower of confetti.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18THEY YELL
0:25:26 > 0:25:30How does that promote safe sex?
0:25:30 > 0:25:32"Shall we hand out condoms?"
0:25:32 > 0:25:37"No...get Gunther to wear a dick costume and jizz glitter."
0:25:39 > 0:25:42It's madness. That advert doesn't make you think about STDs.
0:25:42 > 0:25:43All it makes you think -
0:25:43 > 0:25:45how cool would it be
0:25:45 > 0:25:48to jizz glitter?
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Parties would be amazing.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53"Surprise!"
0:25:53 > 0:25:55"Hooray!"
0:25:55 > 0:25:58Greeting cards - "Love you, Nan."
0:25:58 > 0:26:00"Yeah!" GROANING AND LAUGHTER
0:26:00 > 0:26:03"He loves me! He loves me!"
0:26:03 > 0:26:07Think about it - spunk in hair - urgh!
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Glitter in the hair - wahey!
0:26:10 > 0:26:11# Boogie nights... #
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Mind you, it'd be quite hard to convince your mum
0:26:15 > 0:26:17you hadn't been masturbating.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19"What the bloody hell is this?
0:26:19 > 0:26:23"Like a bomb's gone off in Hobbycraft, you dirty bastard!"
0:26:24 > 0:26:26"Wasn't me, Mum, wasn't me."
0:26:26 > 0:26:28"Oh, really? Has someone stamped on Tinkerbell?"
0:26:33 > 0:26:36Do you know what I love the most? I love how unbothered they are.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Imagine that in England.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40THEY CHAT
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Wahey!
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Finally tonight, here's a lovely story
0:26:49 > 0:26:53that shows you're never too old to follow your dreams.
0:26:53 > 0:26:58At Lee Valley Athletics Centre on Sunday, a new world record -
0:26:58 > 0:27:03the fastest 200m runner on earth...in the over-95s category.
0:27:03 > 0:27:04STARTERS' GUN
0:27:04 > 0:27:07Eugster rises from his blocks in lane number two -
0:27:07 > 0:27:09it was virtually a standing start,
0:27:09 > 0:27:11he's quickly upright and into his running.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13It's an economical style -
0:27:13 > 0:27:15not too much in terms of high knee lift,
0:27:15 > 0:27:17the arms aren't pumping.
0:27:17 > 0:27:21Charles Eugster's time of 55.48 seconds
0:27:21 > 0:27:25shaved 2.4 seconds off the previous record.
0:27:25 > 0:27:31I felt as if I was running like a young buck,
0:27:31 > 0:27:37but when I saw the video, it looked to me as if
0:27:37 > 0:27:43I was one of those 100-year-old tortoises trying to catch a female.
0:27:43 > 0:27:47His success suggests Charles was born to be a sprinter.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50It just took him 95 years to realise.
0:27:50 > 0:27:54I was always a very poor runner. I couldn't run.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57I'm not a runner at all.
0:27:57 > 0:28:04The point was that I decided that it was time to start something new.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07You can rebuild your body at old age.
0:28:07 > 0:28:10You can start something new at old age.
0:28:10 > 0:28:16You can even win a medal and break a record, regardless of age.
0:28:16 > 0:28:19Later this year, Charles hopes for another record
0:28:19 > 0:28:21at the World Masters Championships.
0:28:21 > 0:28:25At 95 years of age, the best could be yet to come.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27APPLAUSE
0:28:27 > 0:28:29Thanks very much for watching Good News.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32Goodnight, my friends. Goodnight, farewell!