0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains strong language and adult humour.
0:00:21 > 0:00:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:25 > 0:00:29Hello! Thank you. Thank you.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Hey! Welcome to Good News.
0:00:32 > 0:00:37Every week, I'll be going upstairs and downstairs to find stories that make you laugh. First things first.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Adam Boulton's turned into a rapper.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42This does rep-rep-represent...
0:00:42 > 0:00:44Check it!
0:00:44 > 0:00:45It's all going down at Sky.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Have you seen what they get paid?
0:00:47 > 0:00:48Sex and biscuits.
0:00:50 > 0:00:54That's quite nice. Blowjob and a Custard Cream.
0:00:54 > 0:00:55Yum yum.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57What do you make of that, Eamonn?
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Very sad, and rather grubby.
0:01:00 > 0:01:05I'll tell you what, it's easy to get lost in the White House.
0:01:05 > 0:01:09Tonight, after nearly 100 years...
0:01:13 > 0:01:15What a week he's had.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18Passes the healthcare bill, reduces nuclear weapons.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Well done, Obama. Sorry?
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Mr Long-Legged Mac Daddy.
0:01:23 > 0:01:27Did you see this shocking article from the Times?
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Did you see who wrote it?
0:01:35 > 0:01:37APPLAUSE
0:01:41 > 0:01:43So, the BA strike rumbles on.
0:01:43 > 0:01:47The four-day walkout by cabin crew continues into its third day.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51Despite political pressure from Gordon Brown and David Cameron this weekend,
0:01:51 > 0:01:54both BA and the union Unite have yet to schedule talks
0:01:54 > 0:01:57to try to end the dispute over pay and conditions.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00You should have heard my dad. "Pay and conditions?
0:02:00 > 0:02:02"Anyone can hand out peanuts".
0:02:02 > 0:02:07And my mum genuinely went, "I tell you who couldn't - Abu Hamza."
0:02:09 > 0:02:12"He'd be rubbish. 'Do you want a peanut? You've dropped it, Abu.' "
0:02:12 > 0:02:17The problem the strikers have got, firemen on strike - trouble.
0:02:17 > 0:02:18Nurses on strike - trouble.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21BA on strike - easyJet.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25The BA staff are angry with chief executive Willie Walsh.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28The trouble is, when I heard them chanting this:
0:02:28 > 0:02:32Willie, Willie, Willie, out, out, out!
0:02:34 > 0:02:36That's exactly what I did, right.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40Giggling, naked in front of the telly, and then it dawned on me.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43I miss my girlfriend.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45And I need some curtains.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48I'm not sure the strike will work.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52Let's be honest - we don't listen to the cabin crew when we're on the plane.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56"Excuse me, sir, you have to turn your phone off, it could bring down the plane." Bollocks.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59If that were true, why have I never heard a suicide bomber going,
0:02:59 > 0:03:03"Everybody get down, or I swear to God I'll text my mum!"
0:03:06 > 0:03:09So, who has been in trouble down under?
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Hamilton had apparently performed a burnout, followed by a fishtail,
0:03:13 > 0:03:15right in front of police.
0:03:15 > 0:03:20He was pulled over by Victoria Police, charged with improper use of a vehicle.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22As if Australians will care.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25They have a fairly relaxed attitude to health and safety.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37"Don't surf cars."
0:03:37 > 0:03:40You've just shown me exactly how to do it!
0:03:43 > 0:03:45So, what's been happening?
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Today, there's been one Budget measure that's getting people fired up.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51- It's the surprise 10% duty hike on cider.- Cider.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54- Cider.- Cider. - Singing cider.- Cider.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57- Cider.- Cider. - Cider.- Cider. - Cider.- Cider.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00- Cider.- Cider. - Cider.- Cider. Sleeping cider.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04If you drank that lot for £1.99, you'd be completely smashed.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08I haven't known anger like this in the West Country since - well, ever.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11To be honest, you can't be angry with an accent like that.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13- IN WEST COUNTRY ACCENT: - "I'm absolutely livid.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16"Don't laugh, you lot, I've just been burglarised."
0:04:18 > 0:04:21It's true, check out this guy.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25And now they've put the price of cider up as well.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28They're taking the... They're having a laugh, aren't they?
0:04:28 > 0:04:31They're having a laugh!
0:04:31 > 0:04:36It's like he's going to go, "You may take our lives, but you'll never take our pasties!
0:04:36 > 0:04:38"Ginsters!"
0:04:38 > 0:04:42Apparently, cider's gone up in price because it makes you fight.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Ridiculous. How does cider make you violent?
0:04:45 > 0:04:51My uncle drinks it, and he finishes every single sentence with "All right, my lover?"
0:04:51 > 0:04:53What's he going to do, cuddle me to death?
0:04:53 > 0:04:59If you tax cider, people will turn to home brew, and that stuff is vicious.
0:04:59 > 0:05:00You could forget how to walk.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10It can make you run into walls.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18You can even convince yourself you're an Olympic diver.
0:05:28 > 0:05:33When Joe Biden whispered something indiscreet in the President's ear,
0:05:33 > 0:05:36the president was deeply offended.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40The president, that is, of the No-Cussing Club.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42I was really, really disappointed
0:05:42 > 0:05:45that the Vice President of the whole United States said this.
0:05:45 > 0:05:5117-year-old McKay Hatch is on a mission to clean up America's language.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54The California teen has written songs.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57# Don't cuss, don't cuss. #
0:05:57 > 0:05:59He's printed posters, published a book.
0:05:59 > 0:06:05Now he's sending the Vice President a T-shirt and a cuss jar.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09I think I speak for everyone in this room when I say what a BLEEP-ing BLEEP.
0:06:15 > 0:06:16Ridiculous.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20What's the point of being a teenager and not swearing?
0:06:20 > 0:06:24It's like having a couple of hours in your house alone and not putting
0:06:24 > 0:06:27your willy between your legs and pretending to be a lady.
0:06:27 > 0:06:28We've all been there.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Don't act like you've not done it.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Brilliant, isn't it? You're like, "Ooh, look.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38"I would, I would, I would shag you.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40"Look at you, I'd shag you.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43"I'm a lady. I'm a bulldog. I'm a lady! A bulldog.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49"How long have you been there, Mum?"
0:06:49 > 0:06:51"Long enough.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54"Do you want to see my impression of a man?" "No!"
0:06:57 > 0:07:01A ban on swearing has left some people quite upset.
0:07:01 > 0:07:06I'm so pissed off right now, I had to put some fucking pants on.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15Swearing lets off steam. Have you heard the kid's alternative?
0:07:15 > 0:07:17If someone kicks you in the shin
0:07:17 > 0:07:21when you're wrestling around with your brothers, what do you yell out?
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Er, Farfegnugen.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27- What?- Farfegnugen.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31That sounds like something Hitler would shout during a tricky shit.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33"You all right, Adolf?" "Farfegnugen!"
0:07:33 > 0:07:37What's on this kid's iPod? "Farfegnugen, I won't do what you tell me!
0:07:37 > 0:07:41"Farfegnugen, I won't do what you tell me!"
0:07:41 > 0:07:45It's ridiculous. There's nothing wrong with swearing, right, Stephen?
0:07:45 > 0:07:49The sort of twee person who thinks swearing is in any way a sign
0:07:49 > 0:07:52of a lack of education or a lack of verbal interest
0:07:52 > 0:07:54is just fucking lunatic.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:08:01 > 0:08:04A school in Worcestershire has been criticised for staging
0:08:04 > 0:08:08the mock shooting of a teacher as part of a role-play session.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Children burst into tears when they thought a teacher
0:08:11 > 0:08:13had been shot on the school field,
0:08:13 > 0:08:16but the re-enactment was just part of a science lesson.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Holy shit.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24They pretended to shoot a teacher because they were doing a science lesson.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27What do they do for RE, nail a kid to a cross?
0:08:30 > 0:08:35"Next, kids, history. Now, Henry VIII was quite the womaniser.
0:08:35 > 0:08:40"And to demonstrate, I'm going to eat some chicken here while Mrs Martin...
0:08:40 > 0:08:43"'Hello!' ..gives me a blowjob.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47"Now suck my royal dick."
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Most of the pupils cottoned on pretty quickly to what was happening.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54And the ones that didn't shat themselves.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56They were taken into the school assembly hall.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00It was explained to them what had happened and the supposed victim,
0:09:00 > 0:09:04Mr Kent, was brought on to a great standing ovation.
0:09:04 > 0:09:09If those kids weren't hysterical when he was shot, they'll be cacking it when he reappears.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12"Hello!" "Aaagh!
0:09:12 > 0:09:14"Mr Kemp's a zombie!"
0:09:18 > 0:09:22Have you heard about the latest UN ambassador?
0:09:22 > 0:09:27Geri Halliwell famously became a UN ambassador back in the '90s.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Another star is following in her footsteps,
0:09:30 > 0:09:32becoming a goodwill ambassador too.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35R&B singer Craig David will be speaking on tuberculosis.
0:09:35 > 0:09:43Yes, this is the news that Craig David is the new UN ambassador for tuberculosis.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Poor bastards. As if they're not suffering enough.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52The worst thing is, they'll be too weak to tell him to fuck off.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57How's he going to raise awareness for TB, sing about it?
0:09:57 > 0:10:01# I met this girl with TB on Monday
0:10:01 > 0:10:03# Unfortunately she died on Tuesday
0:10:05 > 0:10:08# But we was making love by Wednesday
0:10:08 > 0:10:11# And on Thursday and Friday and Saturday! #
0:10:11 > 0:10:13LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:10:20 > 0:10:22# I was in jail on Sunday. #
0:10:24 > 0:10:28Wouldn't it be rough if he went over to South Africa and they went, "You're not Craig David.
0:10:28 > 0:10:32"Where's your kestrel, and what happened to your big wobbly jaw?"
0:10:34 > 0:10:37So, how is Craig David going to get the message across?
0:10:37 > 0:10:43The possibility of saving people's lives through my voice of music
0:10:43 > 0:10:45is why I'm here today.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Obviously in my concerts, I can show montages and footage.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51As if the gig isn't bad enough! "That was a crap song.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54"Before the next crap song, here's some people dying."
0:10:56 > 0:10:58It's all going down in the world of music.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02R&B legend Akon has been banned from Sri Lanka.
0:11:02 > 0:11:08People got so upset about an upcoming Akon show in Sri Lanka,
0:11:08 > 0:11:09they started throwing stones.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13They're upset because they say the singer has desecrated
0:11:13 > 0:11:16an image of Buddha in one of his music videos.
0:11:16 > 0:11:20You don't want to piss off Buddhists. I've seen their monks, and they are rock-hard.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Amazing. You don't get that on Songs of Praise.
0:11:33 > 0:11:38Akon has been banned from Sri Lanka for having a video of girls dancing in front of a giant Buddha.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41I was surprised. Buddha looks like the kind of guy who'd love that.
0:11:41 > 0:11:42Look at him!
0:11:44 > 0:11:48This is my theory. I don't think the Buddhists were angry about the video.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51I just think they think his music's shit.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55HIGH PITCH: # Lonely, I'm so lonely
0:11:55 > 0:12:00# I have nobody for my own, ooh! #
0:12:00 > 0:12:04That's not music, it sounds like Orville being fingered.
0:12:06 > 0:12:11I hate mainstream R&B. Every video's the same, some dead-eyed woman bogling in front of a car.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14And it's all so arrogant, it's all just bragging.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18- RAPS:- "I pull out my wang, I stick it in my honey, I bang her ass on a big bed of money.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21"She comes 50 times, I'm a hot romancer.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24"While she sucks my dick, I make a cure for cancer."
0:12:24 > 0:12:27Well, we can't connect with that.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32I hate it. I can't connect with that.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Why do we never see insecure rappers?
0:12:34 > 0:12:38- RAPS:- "I don't like guns or knives and shit, I can't talk to women, let alone commit.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41"I crap my pants when I start performing.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44"I worry every night about global warming."
0:12:51 > 0:12:55Now, I love doing this show, because I get to say things like this out loud.
0:12:55 > 0:13:01Did you hear the story about the vegan who went to a shop and started stabbing meat?
0:13:01 > 0:13:05An Indiana man goes on a bizarre rampage at a supermarket,
0:13:05 > 0:13:08apparently in the name of vegetarianism.
0:13:08 > 0:13:13This 911 call was placed as Anthony Kaufmann ran down the meat aisle with a hunting knife.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19I bet they thought that was a prank call.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22"A sausage stabber in the meat aisle?
0:13:22 > 0:13:24"Oh, he's got a huge weapon, has he?
0:13:24 > 0:13:26"Very funny, pervert, very funny."
0:13:26 > 0:13:30He reportedly told employees he was on a mission from God,
0:13:30 > 0:13:34and that he was trying to save little girls from eating beef,
0:13:34 > 0:13:36a meat he blames for making them fat.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Here's a story you don't see every day.
0:13:39 > 0:13:40In their twilight years,
0:13:40 > 0:13:43these pensioners look anything but dangerous.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47However, when their combined savings of 2.5 million euros
0:13:47 > 0:13:52were lost in risky investments, they took it out on their financial adviser.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Took it out? They kidnapped him and beat him up.
0:13:55 > 0:14:01Unexpectedly, this is the ringleader, 74-year-old Roland Manfred Key.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03We shouldn't laugh.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07But did you see the financial adviser's quote?
0:14:19 > 0:14:24The trouble is, when I heard about this story, I couldn't help but imagine this.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27MUSIC: "Little Green Bag" by George Baker Selection
0:14:42 > 0:14:47You have no idea how many looks you get when you film that during the day.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Luckily, the financial adviser escaped.
0:14:50 > 0:14:55Eventually, the banker managed to send a message to call the police, who stormed the address.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Again, another choice quote:
0:15:04 > 0:15:08Fear not, though, these evil biddies have been put away.
0:15:08 > 0:15:13Roland Manfred Key was given a six-year prison sentence. His friend got four years.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16But the group has achieved notoriety in Germany.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20They're now known in the media as the Pensioner Gangsters.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23They don't muck around with nicknames in Germany.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27- IN GERMAN ACCENT: - "What shall we call these pensioners who are gangsters?
0:15:27 > 0:15:29"The Pensioner Gangsters."
0:15:31 > 0:15:35So we've had meat mutilation in America and pensioner gangsters in Germany.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37What's been happening here in the UK?
0:15:43 > 0:15:46I can't wait to see this on Crimewatch, just a blacked-out Henry.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48"It was awful.
0:15:48 > 0:15:53"He made me have a threesome with a Dyson."
0:15:53 > 0:15:58My favourite bit of the story was the reason why the Sun suggested he took the hoover.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Maybe the copper was trying to rescue Henry from the squalor of a drugs den.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10Then again, maybe Henry loved it.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13# I was going to clean my room Until I got high
0:16:15 > 0:16:19# My room is still messed up And I know why
0:16:20 > 0:16:25# Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high... #
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Now, this is the part of the show I genuinely don't know anything about.
0:16:35 > 0:16:40There's going to be a mystery guest who's been in the news, and I have to figure out who that person is.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42So please welcome my mystery guest.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Nice to meet you. What's your name?
0:16:56 > 0:16:59- Buddy Ward. - Buddy Ward, nice to meet you.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03Don't take this the wrong way, but instantly, I'm thinking cider.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05- Cider?- Yeah, because cider's been in the news...
0:17:05 > 0:17:08- Are you trying to say I'm a pisshead? - No, I'm not.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:17:13 > 0:17:14So why have you been in the news this week?
0:17:14 > 0:17:16You want to know why?
0:17:16 > 0:17:19I would love to know why?
0:17:24 > 0:17:27LAUGHTER
0:17:29 > 0:17:32MUSIC: "Bad To The Bone" by George Thorogood
0:17:44 > 0:17:48Well, suddenly all the things I did earlier...
0:17:48 > 0:17:54- Why I've been in the news this week is because I'm 75 years old... - Are you?
0:17:54 > 0:17:57I'm going to be the oldest wrestler ever to wrestle,
0:17:57 > 0:18:00and it's going in the Guinness Book of Records.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03On Saturday night this week
0:18:03 > 0:18:06at Ellesmere Port Civic Hall, my own home town.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10- Do you want to be the referee? - I'd love to be the referee.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13- Who are you fighting?- Johnny Saint. Have you heard of Johnny Saint?
0:18:13 > 0:18:16I haven't, but I've seen him on the bus.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19What are you frightened of?
0:18:19 > 0:18:22Johnny Saint and you. Can I be in your corner?
0:18:22 > 0:18:25I'd like that. That'd be fun.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Bit of water, Werther's. Bit of water, Werther's.
0:18:31 > 0:18:32Don't, don't, don't!
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Don't beat me up.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Look, everyone wants to see you beat me up.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Do you want to see me beat him up?
0:18:42 > 0:18:44- AUDIENCE:- Yeah!
0:18:46 > 0:18:48- Come on.- Come on.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52- You've got to wait for the cameras to come on.- Oh. - There's one over there.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07- What do your family make of this? - They think I'm crackers.- Do they?
0:19:07 > 0:19:11- Does your wife come to watch you? - Which one?- OK.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20- Six wives.- You've got six wives?
0:19:20 > 0:19:24- Had six wives, yes.- And your current wife, does she come and watch you?
0:19:24 > 0:19:28- I've never wrestled in 31 years. - Wow, so this is your first time?
0:19:28 > 0:19:32- First time in 31 years.- What made you come out of retirement?
0:19:32 > 0:19:35I was shaving myself on New Year's Eve...
0:19:35 > 0:19:37A wonderful start to any story.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39- God, I love you.- And...
0:19:39 > 0:19:46- Of course, and?- I thought, "Why not wrestle at Ellesmere Port Civic Hall on this Easter Saturday?"
0:19:46 > 0:19:50So it's where, exactly? Say it again so we can get people to come and watch you.
0:19:50 > 0:19:57Ellesmere Port Civic Hall on Saturday 3rd April, which is this week.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00- This week. There will also be a raffle.- A raffle, yes.
0:20:00 > 0:20:05- How do you know that?- I just imagine.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08There'll be a raffle, yes, for the lifeboats.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11- And there'll be party games, won't there?- Yes.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13And you're going to be the referee?
0:20:13 > 0:20:15I'm going to be the referee.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18And I'm going to be dressed in a mankini.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20APPLAUSE AND WHOOPING
0:20:21 > 0:20:28Can I look at your cape? It's got to be a good job where you get to go to work wearing a cape.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30It has your full name here. It says Buddy Ward...
0:20:30 > 0:20:33- Show them.- All right.
0:20:33 > 0:20:34But then I can't read it.
0:20:34 > 0:20:39Why haven't you got a wrestler name? You can't call yourself Buddy Ward.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41It sounds a bit porn-starry to me.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43You know?
0:20:45 > 0:20:48BUDDY'S WORDS INAUDIBLE OVER APPLAUSE
0:20:48 > 0:20:50We need an updated name.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Can I give you a new name?
0:20:52 > 0:20:57- Yeah, if you want to.- With the help of the audience, let's give him a new wrestler name. We need a first.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59- The Pensioner Gangster. - The Pensioner Gangster.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06- Hoodie Killer.- I quite like that. - That's a good one.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09- Wrinkly Muscle?- The Wrinkly Muscle.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16That feels like it. That's it, man.
0:21:16 > 0:21:17That is your name.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21Look at that. Buddy Ward, the Wrinkly Muscle.
0:21:23 > 0:21:28Good luck. Everyone, please give it up for Buddy Ward,
0:21:28 > 0:21:33aka the Wrinkly Muscle!
0:21:37 > 0:21:38Check this out from Denmark.
0:21:38 > 0:21:39This is kind of sick.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42A Danish artist admits to being bored
0:21:42 > 0:21:45when she decided to take some photographs of her baby daughter.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Bloody hell, yet another baby photo.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50If you've seen one, you've seen 'em all.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00She dressed her baby up as Hitler.
0:22:05 > 0:22:06Imagine peeking in that pram!
0:22:06 > 0:22:09"What a lovely...fucking hell!"
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Wait, he's just learnt his first word!
0:22:12 > 0:22:14"Genocide."
0:22:14 > 0:22:17Come to think of it, her pram must have looked like this.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23I think it's risky dressing your baby like that.
0:22:23 > 0:22:29God forbid, what if your baby was kidnapped? "What was she wearing? Um...
0:22:29 > 0:22:32"Have you ever seen Dad's Army?"
0:22:32 > 0:22:36Or maybe she went "What was she wearing? Just a nappy.
0:22:36 > 0:22:42"But between you and me, they look like the kind of sick bastards that would dress a baby like Hitler!"
0:22:44 > 0:22:48It wasn't just the Fuhrer, the artist dressed her daughter up in other costumes.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51There was Saddam Hussein.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53There was Josef Stalin.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57And there was Idi Amin.
0:22:59 > 0:23:05Now, have you heard the unusual way Taiwan is trying to boost its population?
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Taiwan basically wants a slogan to get people making babies.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Here are my suggestions.
0:23:37 > 0:23:42Do you reckon there's someone in Taiwan going...
0:23:42 > 0:23:45- IN STRANGE ACCENT:- "Hmm, I'm not so sure about those, Russell.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47"Really not sure, and if I was considering
0:23:47 > 0:23:50"doing this voice in a comedy show, I probably wouldn't do it,
0:23:50 > 0:23:55"because people get weirded out, don't they?
0:23:55 > 0:24:00"I mean, I know it sounds like me, you know it sounds like me, but they don't."
0:24:00 > 0:24:07If you do a Welsh accent, no problem, but if you do mine, everybody's awkward,
0:24:07 > 0:24:10which makes them the racists.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Slogans are rubbish.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23What they want to do is have a sexy advert like Marks & Spencer.
0:24:23 > 0:24:28Christ, every time their food ad comes on the telly, so do I.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34It's unbeliev... "Oh, profiteroles!
0:24:34 > 0:24:36"Mum, turn the telly off!"
0:24:40 > 0:24:44The most impressive invention of this week is probably this.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51He's a plumber, but he clearly has a lot of time on his hands.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54So you think this is just a normal direct bike scooter?
0:24:54 > 0:24:55No, this one's had a bit of...
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Which gives it a bit of this!
0:25:02 > 0:25:07I bet when he sees a traffic warden, he's like, "All right, mate, pull my finger."
0:25:07 > 0:25:12It's pretty impressive, but you can hardly imagine 007 on a moped.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15"You must sneak in unheard, James."
0:25:15 > 0:25:18HE MIMICS MOPED ENGINE
0:25:18 > 0:25:20He'd be the scummiest Bond ever.
0:25:20 > 0:25:25"Your codename is Argos, and your contact in Berlin will be called Poundsaver.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28"When you meet her, you'll say, 'I hear N-Dubz' new album is da shit.'
0:25:28 > 0:25:31"She'll reply, 'Innit, though?'
0:25:33 > 0:25:35"But Bond, you'll need a witty one-liner.
0:25:35 > 0:25:40" 'I've already got one - you drive like I need a blowjob. Badly.' "
0:25:42 > 0:25:45What's great about this story is that the papers at the beginning
0:25:45 > 0:25:47were like, "Look at this, it's incredible!"
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Then on Wednesday, this article appeared.
0:26:02 > 0:26:07Here is a beautiful story about Mick O'Doherty, who heard about the children of Manila
0:26:07 > 0:26:10who earn their living picking through rubbish,
0:26:10 > 0:26:13and took it upon himself to build them a safe place to play.
0:26:13 > 0:26:17When the children arrive on the playground for the very first time,
0:26:17 > 0:26:19their smiles say it all.
0:26:21 > 0:26:28For Mick, what started out as a good idea has turned into an emotionally charged personal mission.
0:26:28 > 0:26:32In sweltering heat, surrounded by pain and suffering,
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Mick has created an oasis of happiness.
0:26:35 > 0:26:40On the first day I rolled up on the dumpsite, I couldn't believe my eyes.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43What was in front of me, it was another planet.
0:26:43 > 0:26:48But out of that sort of deprivation
0:26:48 > 0:26:50is these happy, happy people.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53I sort of lost my wife when I was 29, and of course,
0:26:53 > 0:26:58that had a big impact.
0:26:58 > 0:27:03And this is the sort of thing that something like this does to you.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06You know, it's life-changing.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09For Mick, coming here was a personal mission.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12He knew he could never change this world.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15Instead, this world has changed him.
0:27:15 > 0:27:19He leaves behind a legacy that will help and inspire generations.
0:27:19 > 0:27:20Thank you!
0:27:20 > 0:27:23There you go. A little bit of loveliness.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26I hope you enjoyed the show. See you later.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:39 > 0:27:42E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk