0:00:02 > 0:00:08This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22APPLAUSE
0:00:24 > 0:00:26Thank you very much indeed.
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Thank you. Thank you.
0:00:29 > 0:00:34Thank you very much indeed. Hello. Welcome to Good News.
0:00:34 > 0:00:38Every week, I'll be riding here, there and everywhere to find stories that will make you laugh.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Did you see the footage of the Red Arrows' retirement home?
0:00:45 > 0:00:49Wonderful, isn't it? Did you see John Craig talking about his ultimate fantasy?
0:00:49 > 0:00:51A gay couple in a B&B.
0:00:53 > 0:00:57This week, we learn what Natasha Kaplinsky does to relax.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Marijuana is lovely.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07So, the election campaign has finally kicked off.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10People will do anything to get out of talking about it.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Who do you trust to get a bit more out of the public sector
0:01:13 > 0:01:16when there's not so much money around?
0:01:16 > 0:01:18- Labour or the Tories?- Oh, Labour...
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Oh, here's our bus. We've been waiting half an hour.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26So, what have the leaders been up to?
0:01:26 > 0:01:31Cameron started by giving advice to DJs. Just bang out the old tunes.
0:01:31 > 0:01:37Brown got slammed by former Labour leader, Neil Kinnock.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Of course, Gordon has got a radio face.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45That's pretty rich coming from a bald, ginger Welshman!
0:01:45 > 0:01:49Because I work for the BBC, I need to mention all three political parties.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51With that in mind, here's Nick Clegg.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Hello, I'm Nick Clegg.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54So...
0:01:54 > 0:01:55LAUGHTER
0:01:55 > 0:01:58Actually, he got caught this week for graffiti.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02Would you encourage young people to write on walls like that, Mr Clegg?
0:02:03 > 0:02:05You don't have an answer to that, do you?
0:02:05 > 0:02:07So busted!
0:02:10 > 0:02:15It could have been worse. Did you see what happened to the Scottish Labour candidate, Stuart MacLennan?
0:02:15 > 0:02:19The campaign claimed its first victim today, a Labour candidate,
0:02:19 > 0:02:21sacked over offensive comments he made on Twitter.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25Stuart MacLennan referred to the elderly as "coffin-dodgers"
0:02:25 > 0:02:28and wrote he hadn't been sober for days.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31My favourite was his comment about David Cameron.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35It was his "patriotic duty to kick Cameron in the nuts."
0:02:35 > 0:02:39Can you imagine him in the House of Commons?
0:02:39 > 0:02:43"Could you tell the right honourable gentleman that he can suck my fucking balls...
0:02:44 > 0:02:48"..and claim it on expenses."
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Last week, I told you about Election Chris.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53This week, it gets even weirder.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56..with a piglet race.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Competitors Gordon, David and Nick are doing daily races
0:02:59 > 0:03:00up until polling day on May 6th.
0:03:00 > 0:03:07This piglet is David because he's a much better example of a British saddleback than the other two.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10Definitely, the guy that's going to go to Eton.
0:03:10 > 0:03:15We call him Gordon because he actually started biting us on the leg.
0:03:15 > 0:03:21Do think there's going to be people at home, "I couldn't understand the election, but now they've used pigs
0:03:21 > 0:03:25"and I like bacon."
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Talking of banality.
0:03:27 > 0:03:31Have you seen who Radio 1 are using to get young people voting?
0:03:31 > 0:03:35Hiya, I'm Peta Todd. I'm 23 and I'm also a first-time voter.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Seems normal.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39I wonder what her day-job is.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43That's right, she's a page three girl.
0:03:43 > 0:03:49I love the fact some Radio 1 bigwig went, "Right, we need to get kids interested in politics...
0:03:49 > 0:03:51"Jugs!"
0:03:51 > 0:03:55Have you seen the report? How thick do they think kids are?
0:03:55 > 0:03:58Get online and type in "how to vote".
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Thank you!
0:04:02 > 0:04:03Online, how to vote.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Before it was such a mystery!
0:04:06 > 0:04:09But how will I find a polling station?
0:04:09 > 0:04:13Keep your eyes peeled for big signs like this that say "polling station."
0:04:13 > 0:04:16So that's what Radio 1 went for.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20Check out who the Tories used to get the kid-vote.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22I'm here to represent young people.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Michael Caine is 77 years old.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29Who are they going to get to represent old people, Igglepiggle?
0:04:29 > 0:04:33Caine was brilliant. At one point, he described how he likes his porn.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Very, very hardcore.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Then he went on to say why him and 50 Cent don't get on.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44I didn't have drugs and I didn't have guns.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48"I don't want to go to the bloody candy shop."
0:04:48 > 0:04:51So, what was he actually there to promote?
0:04:51 > 0:04:56All 16-year-olds would be able to do two months' community work in the summer.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59The Tories want 16-year-olds to work for free this summer.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Madness. It's a World Cup year.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Do you want to watch Lionel Messi, or clean out a canal?
0:05:04 > 0:05:09The only kids who will volunteer will be dicks. Let's call it.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12The kind of kid who, aged 12, says things like, "Well, it's good for the CV."
0:05:12 > 0:05:18"I can play the recorder to grade eight." You're going to die alone.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26The quest for the youth vote is relentless.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Look who Tunbridge Wells have turned to.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30With an election just round the corner,
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Tunbridge Wells Borough Council
0:05:32 > 0:05:34has turned to two internet rappers for help.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38They've asked rappers to write a song that will make kids vote.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40How patronising is that? What were they expecting?
0:05:40 > 0:05:45"Well, I wasn't going to vote, but then they made the words rhyme and now I is a Tory!"
0:05:45 > 0:05:49Rhyming words doesn't make you do things.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Otherwise I'd regularly creep up to people, going,
0:05:52 > 0:05:56"If you want more sex and you want to stay thin, then slam your dick in a wheelie bin."
0:05:56 > 0:06:03"Make him stop! Make him stop! The words rhyme! The words rhyme!"
0:06:03 > 0:06:08Let's hope their tongue-in-cheek style will catch the attention of potential young voters.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12Golly Gosh say friends are already registering to vote
0:06:12 > 0:06:15after listening to their unique Tunbridge Wells groove.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18They're called Golly Gosh.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22You can't be a rapper and call yourself Golly Gosh!
0:06:22 > 0:06:26That sounds like something Boris Johnson shouts when he comes.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32If you want to get kids interested in the election, use technology.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Make it possible to vote on Facebook.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Actually, scrap that. That's a bad idea.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Before you know it, this guy would be Prime Minister.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Simples.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51So, what else has been going down?
0:06:51 > 0:06:54The Duchess of Cornwall is recovering
0:06:54 > 0:06:57after breaking her left leg while out hill-walking in Scotland.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Don't laugh.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Poor Camilla's broken her leg.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05We've actually got footage of her being airlifted to safety.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11APPLAUSE
0:07:15 > 0:07:17You should have seen my mum's reaction.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19"She was injured hill-walking?
0:07:19 > 0:07:22"Well, if you walk like Benny Hill you will hurt yourself!"
0:07:22 > 0:07:29That's right - my mum genuinely thought that hill-walking meant Camilla was doing this.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Apparently, she caught her foot in a rabbit hole.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43I bet Diana was sat on a cloud, cackling. "Well done, my pretties!
0:07:43 > 0:07:46"Well done!"
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Now she's in a plaster cast and she's going to be in that cast for six weeks
0:07:49 > 0:07:54and doctors have advised her not to put any weight on her left leg.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58Leg up for six weeks. She's going to be watching a lot of this.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02She could watch it with the Queen.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05The Queen, a massive fan of Countdown. Makes sense.
0:08:05 > 0:08:10Of course the Queen loves Countdown - she hasn't got a job.
0:08:10 > 0:08:11I bet they all play it.
0:08:11 > 0:08:17I bet Charles is there going, "Look, Mummy, I've got a good nine-letter word - abdicate."
0:08:18 > 0:08:22"Oh, really? I've got a good 14-letter word - eatshitjugears."
0:08:22 > 0:08:26APPLAUSE
0:08:29 > 0:08:34I bet they're all at it. I bet Philip's in the background, going, "I've got fuzzy-wuzzy. Look!
0:08:34 > 0:08:35"I've fuzzy-wuzzy!"
0:08:35 > 0:08:40"What have you got, Harry?" "I've got ganja." "The letters aren't there!"
0:08:40 > 0:08:42"No, I'm just saying, I've got ganja."
0:08:42 > 0:08:46- "Oh, ease off, ginge, the Grand National's on."
0:08:46 > 0:08:49The champion jockey, Tony McCoy has finally won
0:08:49 > 0:08:52the Grand National at his 15th attempt.
0:08:52 > 0:08:57The joint favourite, Don't Push It carried him to victory over the famous Aintree course this afternoon.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59I love the Grand National.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02It's one of the few days of the year when you get to feel like a real man, isn't it?
0:09:02 > 0:09:05"I'm going down the bookies to put some money on an 'orse.
0:09:05 > 0:09:11"Then I'm going to come back and make you pregnant! That's right - you're dealing with a real man!"
0:09:11 > 0:09:14You get into the bookies and it's absolutely terrifying, isn't it?
0:09:14 > 0:09:18Huge men!
0:09:18 > 0:09:22Made to look even bigger because they're holding tiny pens.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29The pens are like that, "I should be working in Argos!"
0:09:29 > 0:09:32It's terrifying. You're surrounded by these goliaths.
0:09:32 > 0:09:38You try and put on a manly voice, but all that topples out of your mouth, "Good day, sir. No!
0:09:38 > 0:09:42"I'm here to put some money on a horsey-worsey."
0:09:42 > 0:09:46"Do you want it each way?" "Ooh, do the horseys come back?"
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Now, did you see Ladies' Day?
0:09:49 > 0:09:53You've never seen so much fake tan in your life.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Look at that.
0:09:55 > 0:09:59No wonder the horses wear blinkers!
0:09:59 > 0:10:01I bet the jockeys are like that, "Don't look, lad.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05"It's like Morph in a boob tube!"
0:10:07 > 0:10:11Talking of the jockeys, could anybody understand a word they said?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14So it's just, took a bit of a chance, they're going...
0:10:14 > 0:10:16They say it's better going with the devil you know.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Eh?
0:10:19 > 0:10:22You know, a lot of the novices, they've been to Cheltenham and...
0:10:22 > 0:10:26Some in Europe wasn't coming and some were running in the two-and-a-half...
0:10:26 > 0:10:28No idea.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30I think this next one's on heat.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33How does it make you feel, thinking you've got a chance to win it?
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Hopefully, I'll be able to say it's better than sex, but...
0:10:36 > 0:10:42You heard him. He said "Blah, blah, blah."
0:10:42 > 0:10:47For me, let's be honest, the best thing about the National is when you see a horse riding on its own.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49LAUGHTER
0:10:49 > 0:10:52..still there as well.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55I love that bit because you just imagine them at the end.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57"I've won! I've won!
0:10:57 > 0:11:02Tony! Tony?
0:11:03 > 0:11:04Tony!
0:11:05 > 0:11:08I knew we should have used Sellotape!
0:11:11 > 0:11:14Has anybody seen Tony?
0:11:14 > 0:11:16It must be great for the winning horse, though.
0:11:16 > 0:11:21They spend the rest of their days on a stud farm, eating and banging.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Talking of studs, this guy is back in the news.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27People are so excited here that someone's been sick.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32# Ah, Bodyform
0:11:32 > 0:11:34# Shaped for confidence
0:11:36 > 0:11:38# Shaped for comfort
0:11:38 > 0:11:41# Shaped for you... #
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Have you heard the latest about Beckham?
0:11:43 > 0:11:49Apparently, one in ten men would let Beckham sleep with their wife.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Of course you would. He's Becks.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56You'd watch him shagging your wife, you'd start crying. "Sorry about this." "It's not that.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00"Just remembering that free-kick against Greece.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02"Fucking brilliant, Dave!"
0:12:02 > 0:12:06That would be Beckham's biggest problem, trying to get rid of the husband, wouldn't it?
0:12:06 > 0:12:09He's there having sex, you're like, "David?
0:12:09 > 0:12:12"Can we have a kick around later?"
0:12:12 > 0:12:13"Yeah, I don't see why not."
0:12:16 > 0:12:19"David?" "Yes?" "What's better,
0:12:19 > 0:12:21"being captain of England or winning the European Cup?"
0:12:21 > 0:12:24"Well, that's a tricky question.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27"Both, of course, you know,
0:12:27 > 0:12:29"complete highlights in anyone's career.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33"Listen, you better go and make yourself a cup of tea.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37"I'm about to do something really freaky.
0:12:37 > 0:12:42"I'm going to bring a whole new meaning to the phrase bend it like Beckham."
0:12:45 > 0:12:49It's interesting. Who would you let your partner have sex with? Anyone?
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- Mr Blobby.- Mr Blobby? You don't...
0:12:52 > 0:12:53Why Mr Blobby?
0:12:53 > 0:12:56It'd be fun to watch.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Who said you were watching, you creepy...?
0:13:00 > 0:13:05It's just them having a lovely moment - blobby, blobby, blobby, blobby.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07And just you in the corner, dressed as Noel Edmonds?
0:13:07 > 0:13:11I tell you who nobody would pick. Let's be honest.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14No one's picking Rooney. Without a doubt. Do you know why?
0:13:14 > 0:13:16You'd be too worried about the injury.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Mind the Achilles, Wayne!
0:13:18 > 0:13:21Easy, Wayne. Just get on top, get on top!
0:13:21 > 0:13:24It's a World Cup year, let's not risk it. Wayne, over there.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Nan, you've let yourself down.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36Now, over in Thailand, the police a bit more light-hearted in their approach to crime.
0:13:36 > 0:13:40That's right, they're using monkey police!
0:13:40 > 0:13:45To help improve their relationship with the locals, police have employed a monkey.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Apparently, the pay is peanuts.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51GROANING
0:13:51 > 0:13:54I had to. It's one of those moments in life.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Anyone arrested would have a smile on their face.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01In fact, monkeys would be the perfect ones to break bad news.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04"I'm afraid your husband's missing." "No!
0:14:04 > 0:14:08"This is the worst news I've ev... Ooh, is that a monkey?
0:14:08 > 0:14:11"Look, he's peeling the 'nana with his feet!"
0:14:11 > 0:14:15It's a wonderful idea. Monkeys, very tough on crime.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44Talking of car crime, this week Southwark Council in London
0:14:44 > 0:14:48has revealed some of the genuine excuses they've received from drivers
0:14:48 > 0:14:50trying to escape motoring offences.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Here are my highlights. These are all real.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Number one...
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Number two...
0:15:10 > 0:15:13This, without doubt, is my favourite.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28Quite how a bee distracts someone...
0:15:34 > 0:15:39Well, you're aww-ing at the rabbits. Now...
0:15:39 > 0:15:42You'll love this, then. This is the latest Cornish celebrity.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44We have all heard of a horse-whisperers
0:15:44 > 0:15:48and dog-whisperers, but now Cornwall has its very own rabbit-whisperer.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51They have a rabbit-whisperer in Cornwall.
0:15:51 > 0:15:56"Never mind the bloody election, there is a bloke in Truro what can make rabbits go to sleep!"
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Good girl.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02That's it, OK. OK.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08I'm blowing on the nose,
0:16:08 > 0:16:10just to calm her down.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17Stop blowing on my nose!
0:16:17 > 0:16:19You creepy bastard!
0:16:19 > 0:16:23Now I bow, so she doesn't realise.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26And then quietly leave her...
0:16:28 > 0:16:30..down onto the table.
0:16:30 > 0:16:35The rabbit goes into a complete state of relaxation which Cliff says allows
0:16:35 > 0:16:38him to do things like cutting their claws and grooming them.
0:16:39 > 0:16:44I love the fact that he hypnotises rabbits so he can clip their claws.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46He's like the shittest superhero ever.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50"You can travel through time? That's nothing. I am Rabbit Boy!"
0:16:50 > 0:16:54"Watch his toenails disappear."
0:16:54 > 0:16:59He can send rabbits to sleep, I bet he's got perverts ringing him 24/7.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03"Hello, do you do sheep? Mine really kicks when I put a bra on it."
0:17:05 > 0:17:08Is there anything weirder than hypnotising a rabbit? Well, yes.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10There's a new craze in America for dogs.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13We have all heard of yoga, but what about "doga"?
0:17:13 > 0:17:15The pooch-friendly craze is the latest fad
0:17:15 > 0:17:18sweeping the zen-seeking dog-lover's world.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20That's right, dog yoga. Ridiculous!
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Nobody wants to see their dog like this.
0:17:26 > 0:17:31How much would that weird you out? Instead of barking, he's just going, "Omm..."
0:17:31 > 0:17:34"Fetch the ball!" "me and the ball are already one."
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Dogs don't need yoga to relax.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Here's my dog. That is me and Arch.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41AUDIENCE: Awww!
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Don't "aww" that beast.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46To you know what that beast, that beast does to relax?
0:17:46 > 0:17:48He shags my shoes, right?
0:17:48 > 0:17:53The creepiest thing is, he watches me while he does it.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56He doesn't concentrate on the shoes, he looks up.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02I'm trying to watch the telly. He's like that.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04"Go in the hall."
0:18:04 > 0:18:08"No. You like an audience, I like an audience."
0:18:08 > 0:18:12Honestly, he can't get enough of shoes.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16If I took him to a Foot Locker, he'd probably rip his cock off.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20The other day, I had to hurry him past a mosque.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Imagine explaining that. "All right, guys?
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Having a good day?" And he's balls-deep in their sandals.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Dog yoga's ridiculous. Give them shoes.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34If you're interested, look at the rest of the clip.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37The dogs like it, they get stretched and massaged.
0:18:37 > 0:18:42- The people like it because they are spending quality time with their animal.- Stretch the dog?
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Imagine the conversation - "What are you doing tonight?"
0:18:45 > 0:18:47"Stretching the dog. What about you?"
0:18:47 > 0:18:52"Well, since we're being honest, I think I might have a wank as well."
0:18:54 > 0:18:56You think dog yoga's weird, look at this.
0:18:56 > 0:19:01They're now making canine anti-depressants.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Exactly, why? Are dogs ringing the Samaritans?
0:19:04 > 0:19:05"Hello."
0:19:05 > 0:19:08HE WHINES
0:19:08 > 0:19:12The other day, I barely had the energy to lick my own balls.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Dogs don't need Prozac.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17They are naturally optimistic.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20"They hang out with the homeless and they fucking love it.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22You see them going, "This is brilliant!
0:19:22 > 0:19:25"This is living! Boys on tour!
0:19:26 > 0:19:31"Boys on tour! Look, a shoe! A shoe!"
0:19:31 > 0:19:35You would never, ever see a tramp with a cat. Can you imagine that?
0:19:35 > 0:19:39"Well, I think I can safely say you've fucked up both our lives."
0:19:43 > 0:19:46"Mr Tiddles..." "Don't you Mr Tiddles me!"
0:19:46 > 0:19:48"My mother warned me about you!"
0:19:48 > 0:19:51"If you want me, I'll be burying my turds."
0:19:53 > 0:19:58Some people say it's fine to give dogs drugs. I'm not so sure.
0:20:06 > 0:20:12It could be worse. His owner took it and look what happened to him.
0:20:26 > 0:20:31Now, this is the part of the show I genuinely don't know anything about.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35There's a mystery guest who has been in the news and I have to figure out who that person is.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37So, please welcome my mystery guest.
0:20:37 > 0:20:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:53 > 0:20:56- Hello, mate.- Hello.
0:20:56 > 0:20:57How you doing?
0:20:57 > 0:20:59- I've never met anyone like this. - Well...
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Can I come up and meet you?
0:21:01 > 0:21:05- That'd be fun, wouldn't it? - I am cleaning the windows.- OK.
0:21:05 > 0:21:10- Hey, Russell. How are you? - I'm very well.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12- All the better for meeting you. - Yeah, take a seat.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15I've never seen anyone as cool as you in my life.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17You sure?
0:21:17 > 0:21:22You're wearing red leather trousers and you've just climbed down a building.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25And you're modest about it - "Yeah, that's the way I roll."
0:21:25 > 0:21:27How old are you, if you don't mind me saying?
0:21:27 > 0:21:32Ask to that girl and I'm sure she's going to tell you that I'm about 30.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36And now you're hitting on women!
0:21:36 > 0:21:41- No, I'm nearly 48.- For 48, the way you leapt down there was incredible.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43So why've you been in the news? Can you stop sitting like that?
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Because I can't stop looking at your nuts.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Let's just cover them bad boys up.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Look at this, it looks a bit like Bill and Ben gone sexy.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00So you don't even know why I am here tonight?
0:22:00 > 0:22:02I've no idea.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05- I am wearing red pants. - You're wearing red pants.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08- Yeah, I could be Iggy Pop or... - You could be Iggy Pop.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11I could. I'm not saying I am.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14I love the fact that you're trying to deduce yourself.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17OK, I am from the country of cheese.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20- Of.. Of what?- Cheese.- Oh, cheese!
0:22:24 > 0:22:25Come on!
0:22:25 > 0:22:29Cheese!
0:22:29 > 0:22:33- No, cheese.- Yeah, I see.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Cheese, so it's France? You're from France?
0:22:35 > 0:22:37- Yeah, I am from France.- Excellent.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39So what brings you to England?
0:22:39 > 0:22:43- It's got something to do with buildings.- You didn't see something on the news?
0:22:43 > 0:22:46- Well, you see... - Oh, you're not watching the news.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48- You hate TV, right?- I love TV.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50- No, you hate TV.- I hate TV!
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Come on. You would know why I was in the news last week.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55I didn't see. You know, I didn't.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Fuck.
0:23:01 > 0:23:06I love the idea that whatever you were doing, there was part of you doing it for me.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08I did climb something in Paris.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Oh, you climbed something? Is that why you're famous?
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Well, I won't say that I am famous.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16But I am a kind of superstar.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25It's simply because you're not knowing my name! Shame on you!
0:23:27 > 0:23:32- I invite you to show some videos. - You've got videos of your work?
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Yeah. It's kind of a funny work, you know.
0:23:40 > 0:23:44# Spiderman, Spiderman Friendly neighbourhood Spiderman
0:23:44 > 0:23:46# Wealth and fame, he's ignored
0:23:46 > 0:23:48# Action is his reward
0:23:48 > 0:23:53# To him, life is a great big bang-up
0:23:53 > 0:23:54# Whenever there is a hang-up
0:23:54 > 0:23:58# You'll find the Spiderman! #
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- So, you're Spiderman?- King Kong!
0:24:07 > 0:24:09You're King Kong?
0:24:09 > 0:24:11So did you climb all those buildings?
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Yeah, of course. I have been climbing my whole life, you know?
0:24:14 > 0:24:17- Since the age of 12 until now. - I'm stunned for words.
0:24:17 > 0:24:21Do use anything to help you when you're climbing, or is it just on your own?
0:24:21 > 0:24:26- I am just using my fingers, my feet and my brain.- Have you ever fallen?
0:24:26 > 0:24:29Only from 15 metres.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32"Only 15 metres."
0:24:32 > 0:24:36- Any injuries?- Yeah, a lot. So much.
0:24:36 > 0:24:43From skull, from my wrist, my knees, my ankle, my nose many times.
0:24:43 > 0:24:48Have you ever been climbing up and you've seen something in a window that maybe you shouldn't?
0:24:48 > 0:24:50You know what I mean, kind of...
0:24:50 > 0:24:53I can't tell you because the public is too young.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58# Spiderman, Spiderman... #
0:24:58 > 0:25:01It was naked girl and stuff like that...
0:25:01 > 0:25:03I've got a mic, well done.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09Have you ever had a normal job? Or was that too boring for you?
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Were you working at Tesco and you think...
0:25:11 > 0:25:15- I think my job is more normal than yours.- I'd argue against that.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17I saw you on TV and I saw the stuff that you're doing.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21- It's kind of weird.- Yeah...
0:25:21 > 0:25:24Yeah, well, you're having your job and I'm having mine.
0:25:24 > 0:25:28Do you know, it feels a bit like we're meeting in heaven.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31We're on a cloud now. "So, what did you do with your life?"
0:25:31 > 0:25:34"Climbed buildings. You?" "I talked bollocks on telly."
0:25:34 > 0:25:38You're an inspiration, man. So why were you in the news this week in particular?
0:25:38 > 0:25:41What did you do? There was obviously something I missed.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44I did climb GDF in Paris just six days ago.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47It's the third tallest building in Paris.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50- So you're known as Spiderman?- Yes.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52What's your real name?
0:25:52 > 0:25:56Oh. So, most of the people are knowing me as the French Spiderman.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59In fact, my name is Alain Robert.
0:25:59 > 0:26:00Alan Robert,
0:26:00 > 0:26:03in English.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06- You're probably my favourite mystery guest yet.- OK, thank you very much.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10Alain, aka the French Spiderman, it's been an absolute pleasure to meet you.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14LOUD CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Now, bad news for Danish alcoholics.
0:26:24 > 0:26:28A strike has ended in the Carlsberg brewery in Denmark.
0:26:28 > 0:26:32The workers are trying to protect a time-honoured tradition - get this -
0:26:32 > 0:26:36to be able to drink beers while working.
0:26:36 > 0:26:41This is right. Carlsberg workers are striking because they're no longer allowed to get pissed at work.
0:26:41 > 0:26:46Wouldn't you love to see that strike? "What do we want?" "Uhh..."
0:26:46 > 0:26:51"When do we want it?" "I love you!"
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Apparently, everyone in the factory was drinking.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Line workers, shift workers, the cleaners.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Even the Hoovers were at it.
0:27:00 > 0:27:04# I was gonna clean my room, but then I got high
0:27:06 > 0:27:10# My room is still messed up, and I know why
0:27:10 > 0:27:11# Why, man?
0:27:11 > 0:27:15# Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high. #
0:27:15 > 0:27:18You should have seen him the morning after.
0:27:27 > 0:27:28Henry!
0:27:32 > 0:27:38Now, here is an amazing story about Vikki George and the wonderful website she's set up.
0:27:40 > 0:27:45We feature kids on our website and they each have their own page with their story.
0:27:45 > 0:27:49A lot of kids are fighting cancer or going through transplants.
0:27:49 > 0:27:55We invite members to the public to log on and simply send a card, letter, gift or even a cheery e-mail.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57Everyone likes getting something in the post,
0:27:57 > 0:28:00but when you're sick and lonely it means even more.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06I wasn't able to talk or communicate much.
0:28:06 > 0:28:10And then the idea of the postcards came to me.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Megan was diagnosed with neuroblastoma,
0:28:12 > 0:28:14which is a cancer, when she was six months old.
0:28:14 > 0:28:19She had six months of chemotherapy and she had surgery to remove the tumour.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21Unfortunately, the damage had already been done
0:28:21 > 0:28:25and as a result she's now paralysed from the waist down.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27Every day she has something come through.
0:28:27 > 0:28:32I like getting cards when I'm in hospital cos they cheer me up.
0:28:32 > 0:28:37Viks has made a huge difference when we've been through a really, really tough time.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39And we're just one family out of many families.
0:28:39 > 0:28:43There's just nothing better than knowing you've helped a sick child smile.
0:28:45 > 0:28:47There you go. If you've got a spare five minutes,
0:28:47 > 0:28:50send one of those kids a letter. Wasn't that great?
0:28:50 > 0:28:52Make the world a little bit lighter.
0:28:52 > 0:28:54The website is:
0:28:55 > 0:28:58Go on, do it, it'll be ace. Thanks very much for watching,
0:28:58 > 0:29:01it's been an absolute pleasure. Good night.
0:29:01 > 0:29:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:29:19 > 0:29:22Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:29:22 > 0:29:25E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk