0:00:25 > 0:00:28This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Thank you very much. Welcome to Good News.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33Every week I'll be strutting around the globe
0:00:33 > 0:00:35to find stories to make you laugh.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39I love it when people try to do a report outside a nightclub.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41There will be thousands more people.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42I like your shoes, pal.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49There's just not enough innuendo on Newsround these days.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Would you like to see my bulldog impression?
0:00:51 > 0:00:54- OK.- Like that.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58If I'd known earlier, I would have entered him!
0:01:03 > 0:01:08If Kenneth Williams were alive today, he'd go "mooooh"!
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Did you see Adam Boulton boasting on Sky News?
0:01:11 > 0:01:14Less excitably, ordinary voters...
0:01:14 > 0:01:17To be honest, he probably didn't even know it was there.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Producers are always doing that.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26Something in my teeth?
0:01:30 > 0:01:33So, the election draws closer.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Gordon Brown appears to be giving up.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Vote Conservative on May 6th.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42- HE MOCKS - Labour, I meant Labour.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46I think he was just annoyed because his rivals can speak
0:01:46 > 0:01:49foreign languages and he's still struggling with English.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52Bonjour!
0:01:52 > 0:01:53G-g-g-good to see you.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59So, what are Labour doing to reinvigorate their campaign?
0:01:59 > 0:02:04I'm going to be introducing Britain's Elvis Presley.
0:02:04 > 0:02:09So while Nick Clegg and David Cameron are busy playing tiddlywinks
0:02:09 > 0:02:13in the corner, our Prime Minister is busy solving the economic crisis
0:02:13 > 0:02:15on the road to recovery.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19What were they thinking?
0:02:19 > 0:02:23Listen to the lyrics - he was singing as Brown entered the room.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26# When no-one else can understand me
0:02:28 > 0:02:32# When everything I do is wrong... #
0:02:35 > 0:02:39I bet later on, Elvis was going, # I'm a loser, baby,
0:02:39 > 0:02:42# So why don't you kill me? # Wacka wacka-wah!
0:02:42 > 0:02:46Mind you, at least Gordon wasn't papped outside this shop.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53Not only that, Cameron got snubbed by a little old lady.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Hello, nice to see you, how are things?
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Lovely and warm on the seafront. How are you, madam?
0:02:58 > 0:03:02Maybe she was upset because she'd heard the Tories' advice for pensioners.
0:03:02 > 0:03:03Just stop breathing.
0:03:07 > 0:03:12It's not just biddies he's after, I think he's going to take a gun to Glastonbury.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Watch out Lady Gaga, watch out Florence and the Machine,
0:03:15 > 0:03:16we're coming to get you.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21And what of Nick Clegg? Sorry...
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Mr Long Legged Cleggy Weggy.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28He's faced a backlash after his debate performances.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31I must be the first politician who has gone from being Churchill
0:03:31 > 0:03:33to being a Nazi in under a week.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Even babies are starting to fear him.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42I don't like it!
0:03:42 > 0:03:44SHE WAILS
0:03:44 > 0:03:46AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:03:46 > 0:03:48- What's wrong? - AUDIENCE: Ah!
0:03:48 > 0:03:51That was interesting, big laugh, and then, "ah"!
0:03:53 > 0:03:54Did you watch the second debate?
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Now, I'm not proud but I kept falling asleep.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00It freaked me out, because I woke up at some odd moments.
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Size does matter.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05What the hell has been happening?
0:04:05 > 0:04:08Then Cameron started bragging about his disco.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10My party was much better than all the others.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15At one point, Brown turned into Ali G.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18I say to you, Nick, get real, get real.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22Me and my Sarah say vote Labour.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24The debates were all quite dry.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27They should replace the studio audience with children.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Imagine the leaders answering their questions -
0:04:29 > 0:04:36"Mr Cameroon...if an orange is called an orange, why aren't bananas called yellows?"
0:04:37 > 0:04:42"Cleggy Weggy, I can close my eyes, why can't I close my ears?"
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Or they could have a strip debate.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57Every time a lie is told, clothing comes off.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Whoever gets naked loses.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- Imagine Brown naked in HD telly. - AUDIENCE GROANS
0:05:02 > 0:05:06It would be like someone has thrown road kill into Oxfam.
0:05:06 > 0:05:12Do you know who I feel sorry for in the debate? The people who have to judge it.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16Each person was given an electronic voting pad
0:05:16 > 0:05:17with keys numbered one to five.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20They pressed five if they loved what they heard,
0:05:20 > 0:05:21one if they if they hated it.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24And the result is this onscreen worm.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27They lock people in a room and make them twist dials?
0:05:27 > 0:05:31You'd get so bored. If I had the dials, the worm would look like this.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33I ask people throughout society
0:05:33 > 0:05:38to take responsibility, but you can't run the health service...
0:05:38 > 0:05:40LAUGHTER
0:05:40 > 0:05:45..you've got to finance it properly. I just ask people, why do you...
0:05:45 > 0:05:46SPEECH DROWNED BY LAUGHTER
0:05:46 > 0:05:51We have a culture of jobs for life in politics, hundreds and hundreds
0:05:51 > 0:05:54of MPs from the Conservative and Labour parties, the old parties,
0:05:54 > 0:05:57who know that all they need to do every four years...
0:05:57 > 0:06:01LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:07 > 0:06:11Now, I don't know about you, but the biggest news for me this week was the marathon.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15The London Marathon celebrated its 30th birthday with more than
0:06:15 > 0:06:1935,000 runners pounding the streets from Blackheath to Buckingham Palace.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21I ran it in 4 hours 15 minutes, right?
0:06:21 > 0:06:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:25 > 0:06:31You really shouldn't applaud. At one stage I was overtaken by this bloke.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38Such a low moment - you're trying your best and the Gingerbread Man says, "See you later!"
0:06:38 > 0:06:42Mind you, it could have been worse, at least the commentator didn't slam me.
0:06:42 > 0:06:47'The youngster in the black putting on a sprint finish.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49'Oh, he's given up.'
0:06:50 > 0:06:54"Oh, he's given up." He may as well have gone, "What a lazy prick!"
0:06:54 > 0:06:57What I love about the marathon, it's so selfless,
0:06:57 > 0:07:02everyone is there doing it for a good cause. I SAY everyone.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05My brother has spent the last two months training and I beat him,
0:07:05 > 0:07:08so that's all that matters.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11"Could I act like more of a dick?"
0:07:11 > 0:07:13"Well, yes - yes, I could."
0:07:13 > 0:07:15My sister is there as well.
0:07:15 > 0:07:16A real family affair then?
0:07:16 > 0:07:21Yeah...we started off together, it was quite nice, but they were just too slow.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26My personal highlight - is it just me?
0:07:26 > 0:07:32My little brother went up to Princess Beatrice and offered her some Vaseline.
0:07:32 > 0:07:38And she accepted! He essentially offered royalty some lube,
0:07:38 > 0:07:40and she went,
0:07:40 > 0:07:43"Don't mind if I do, pauper."
0:07:43 > 0:07:48Now, talking of royals, did you know the finishing line is right near Buckingham Palace?
0:07:48 > 0:07:52I bet they have to gag Prince Philip, a load of Kenyans sprinting past...
0:07:52 > 0:07:54"So many jokes...
0:07:54 > 0:07:56"so little time."
0:07:56 > 0:08:02The crowd were incredible. If you had your name on your shirt, people would shout it out.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05My mate ran it with the word "me" on his shirt.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07I thought he was showing off.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Then the race started, I realised why he'd done it.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13Nothing funnier than hearing a crowd shout, "Come on me!"
0:08:13 > 0:08:17LAUGHTER
0:08:17 > 0:08:19"You son of a... "
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Over and over. "Come on me!
0:08:22 > 0:08:24"Come on me!" You think that's bad,
0:08:24 > 0:08:28his friend had the words, "my mum".
0:08:30 > 0:08:31Incredible moment.
0:08:31 > 0:08:37Now, not only did the crowd cheer you on, you also have kids along the route handing out sweets.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40It's a sort of reverse paedophilia. It's fantastic.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44I tell you, if I was a kid, I would have spiked the sweets with acid.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48Imagine tripping your tits off and running past THIS guy.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54"It's the melty tiger."
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Or instead of acid, dip the sweets in laxative.
0:08:57 > 0:08:58AUDIENCE GROANS
0:08:58 > 0:09:02No-one cares what time you get if THIS happens.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05GROANING
0:09:09 > 0:09:14Now, this next story is fantastic. It's about a guy who breaks into the wrong lady's house.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16'At around 5:30am,
0:09:16 > 0:09:18'the 89-year-old Des Moines woman
0:09:18 > 0:09:21'hears what she thinks is a loud knock at the door.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25'She soon realises someone is bashing his way in.'
0:09:25 > 0:09:29I always said, "As long as you're on the outside, I won't bother,
0:09:29 > 0:09:33£but if you ever come on the inside, it's going to be me or you."
0:09:33 > 0:09:37So, what did the little old lady do?
0:09:37 > 0:09:41'She grabs her loaded 22 calibre pistol.'
0:09:41 > 0:09:44I came out like this, and he was there, where you're at,
0:09:44 > 0:09:48and that's when I... bing-binged him.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Bing-bing.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57I've never heard that expression before. "Bing-bing".
0:09:57 > 0:09:59'Beatrice fires one shot.'
0:09:59 > 0:10:00But I missed him.
0:10:00 > 0:10:04I was hitting for his head. I missed him.
0:10:04 > 0:10:05What kind of shot are you?
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Well, then I must not have been dang good shot!
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Because I must have missed him!
0:10:10 > 0:10:15I love her, she nearly killed a man and now she's having a bit of a laugh.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Her grandchildren must be terrified.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20"Kiss your nan." "No."
0:10:20 > 0:10:21"I said, 'kiss your nan!'"
0:10:21 > 0:10:25The reaction of the police was wonderful.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27And the police reloaded it for me.
0:10:29 > 0:10:34It could have been worse for the burglar, at least he didn't break into this lady's house.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45SPLAYING BULLETS
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Now, this is the oddest reaction to a fire ever.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59'The windows are boarded up at this Hampton Beach home,
0:10:59 > 0:11:01'the inside destroyed by a fire. Flames broke out
0:11:01 > 0:11:04'Thursday morning, scaring the kids who live nearby.'
0:11:04 > 0:11:07We were afraid it would hit our house in the back of it,
0:11:07 > 0:11:08so I was kind of fearful.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10"I was kind of fearrrful."
0:11:11 > 0:11:15Don't worry, nobody was hurt. Mainly because of this.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18'Fire-fighters came to the rescue and so did this guy.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21'Egged on by a dare, this 6'4", 280lb Hampton man
0:11:21 > 0:11:25'decided to throw on his gorilla suit to cheer the neighbourhood kids up.'
0:11:27 > 0:11:32There was a fire and a local man turned up dressed as a gorilla.
0:11:32 > 0:11:33How great is that?
0:11:33 > 0:11:36"There's a house on fire! Fetch my costume."
0:11:36 > 0:11:41People were laughing hysterically, they couldn't stop laughing.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Laughing? Were the kids REALLY laughing?
0:11:44 > 0:11:45Kind of awkward.
0:11:47 > 0:11:52"It's kind of awkward." I love the idea he went, "Ta-da", and they went, "What have you done?
0:11:52 > 0:11:55"We said 'come quickly, there's a fire'."
0:11:55 > 0:11:57"Oooh...
0:11:57 > 0:12:00"I thought you said, 'dress up as a gorilla'."
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Everybody knows kids hate it when you dress up as a gorilla.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Mum?
0:12:11 > 0:12:12Mum?
0:12:12 > 0:12:14LOUD ROAR, BOY SCREAMS
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Have you seen the latest advice for teachers?
0:12:39 > 0:12:44Children, honestly, teachers are being taught that by copying gestures they could win their trust.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48Basically, if the kid does this, the teacher's got to do that.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51If the kid goes like that, the teacher's got to go like that.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55How long before the kids figure this out and they go "Oi, Miss..."
0:12:58 > 0:13:00"Hey, Miss!
0:13:00 > 0:13:04"Ohh! Win my trust, baby, win my trust!"
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Sorry about that, I really got into that.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12I'm glad I didn't go to this school.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14School children between 10 and 14 years
0:13:14 > 0:13:18were forced to walk on broken glass pieces and burning coal.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22All this was done with the school administration's permission.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25The school administration said it was
0:13:25 > 0:13:29a scientific experiment to boost self-confidence among the children.
0:13:29 > 0:13:34They're making kids walk on broken glass and hot coals to boost their confidence.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37That will work, won't it?
0:13:37 > 0:13:40"I'm a confident little man".
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Poor sods. Then again, maybe the kids loved it.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47Before they walked on the hot coals,
0:13:47 > 0:13:51they popped a couple of beef burgers under their feet...
0:13:51 > 0:13:54although it's India, so I doubt they were beef.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Imagine the cows in the field...
0:14:00 > 0:14:02"Smells like somebody's burning us.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04"I thought we were sacred."
0:14:04 > 0:14:06The other cow would be like,
0:14:06 > 0:14:09- INDIAN ACCENT:- Why are you speaking in that accent?
0:14:14 > 0:14:19"Just thought it was a little bit safer because I'm on telly and people normally get freaked out."
0:14:19 > 0:14:24- INDIAN ACCENT:- "Never sell your culture down the river, Sanjay."
0:14:25 > 0:14:28"There's nothing wrong with me, I'm doing the voice.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31"Nobody finds this awkward at all, do you?"
0:14:31 > 0:14:33"You sound a little bit Welsh."
0:14:33 > 0:14:34"No, I don't, I don't sound Welsh!"
0:14:37 > 0:14:41"I'm an Indian cow and there's no problem with that."
0:14:41 > 0:14:45"Why are your hands like that?" "I don't know why my hands...
0:14:45 > 0:14:48"Just finish the joke and get out of my face."
0:14:48 > 0:14:49I tell you what...
0:14:51 > 0:14:55..you wouldn't let kids walk on coals or glass in this country,
0:14:55 > 0:14:57although Emos would love it, wouldn't they?
0:14:57 > 0:15:00"Hooray, double self-harm!
0:15:00 > 0:15:05"This is better than the time I found out I was adopted!"
0:15:07 > 0:15:10In America, there has been uproar at this school.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17This school is forcing pupils to cross-dress, but why?
0:15:17 > 0:15:21In honour of women's history month, students would have to wear an outfit
0:15:21 > 0:15:24to show how women's clothing has changed.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Boys as well as girls were expected to participate
0:15:26 > 0:15:28to receive full credit.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Here is a reaction of one of the kids from the school,
0:15:31 > 0:15:33and he's so furious, he's out of focus.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37I was like, "No, absolutely not. I am not...
0:15:37 > 0:15:40"I got to tell Mom, I'm not doing a fashion show."
0:15:40 > 0:15:44- HE MOCKS - I'm not doing a fashion show.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Maybe he was upset because he'd have to wear his mum's clothes,
0:15:49 > 0:15:50and she dresses like this.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56He didn't want to do a fashion show. In fairness, it would be awkward
0:15:56 > 0:15:59if your dad caught you doing your homework.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05And one and two, and one and twist,
0:16:05 > 0:16:08and one and two, and one and twist...
0:16:08 > 0:16:12What the hell do you think you're doing, you little fairy?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Homework.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Homework? You're a disgrace.
0:16:17 > 0:16:24To come up here and find my son, my only son, prancing about like that!
0:16:24 > 0:16:28You've let me down, you've let yourself down.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30- You're doing it wrong.- Eh?
0:16:30 > 0:16:33This is how you do it!
0:16:35 > 0:16:40Work your body, use it, use your hips.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44Grind, grind. Sexy, son, sexy.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Walk about the room, make them love you.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Don't tell your mum about this.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50No.
0:16:50 > 0:16:51APPLAUSE
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Now, have you heard the latest health scare?
0:16:58 > 0:17:01British health officials are blaming Facebook
0:17:01 > 0:17:03for a rise in syphilis in the UK.
0:17:03 > 0:17:08They're saying Facebook has become a social networking site
0:17:08 > 0:17:11that allows people to meet each other for casual sex.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Cue hysteria.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16So make sure you use protection on Facebook.
0:17:16 > 0:17:20Wrap your fingers in condoms. Wrap your whole body in condoms.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25Facebook doesn't cause syphilis, it causes Tourette's.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28You can't read someone's status without swearing.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31"I've eaten a tomato." Oh, fuck off!
0:17:31 > 0:17:35It isn't Facebook that causes syphilis, it's people.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37That's like blaming this guy for dogging.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Oh, yes!
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Although he's very persuasive.
0:17:43 > 0:17:47Talking of wobbly jowls, good news for randy pensioners.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51Apparently, teenagers aren't the only ones getting into technology
0:17:51 > 0:17:55to send sexy pictures and text messages over their cell phones.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Sexting is catching on with 50-plus people.
0:17:58 > 0:17:59AUDIENCE GROANS
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Don't be like that, this is great.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06Biddies getting the funk on. I'd love it if they changed text speak.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09ROFL wouldn't be roll on floor laughing,
0:18:09 > 0:18:13it would be retired old filthy Linda.
0:18:14 > 0:18:19The world is becoming ageless, and there's no expiration date on sexy.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Oh, really?
0:18:21 > 0:18:24AUDIENCE GROANS
0:18:26 > 0:18:29He looks so happy.
0:18:29 > 0:18:30If they're sending sexy texts,
0:18:30 > 0:18:33how long before they're sending sexy photos?
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Imagine checking your grandad's phone,
0:18:35 > 0:18:39he's a text from one of the lovely ladies down the Post Office.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Oh, Ethel!
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Dirty little Ethel.
0:18:49 > 0:18:50AUDIENCE GROANS
0:18:55 > 0:18:57I don't know why I did that either.
0:18:57 > 0:19:01Now, people at home just eating their tea going,
0:19:01 > 0:19:02"I'll turn the telly off now."
0:19:02 > 0:19:06Except for one old lady called Ethel going, "Turn it up!"
0:19:11 > 0:19:14This is the part of the show I really look forward to.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16There's a mystery guest who's been in the news,
0:19:16 > 0:19:19and I have to figure out who that is. Please welcome my mystery guest.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29- Hello, you all right?- How you doing?
0:19:30 > 0:19:33- Hello.- How are you doing? - I'm very well indeed.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34- What's your name?- My name is John.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38- Shall I sit there or shall we sit apart?- Apart, yeah.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Who are your friends?
0:19:43 > 0:19:47- Brought them with me. - This is something to do with sport.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49It's quite to do with sport,
0:19:49 > 0:19:52it's an aspect of sport, but entertainment as well,
0:19:52 > 0:19:54so a mixture of the two.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57- Are you a mascot? - I'm not a mascot, no.
0:19:57 > 0:20:01Mixture of the two... Can you show me what you do?
0:20:01 > 0:20:02Quality. Let's show you.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:06 > 0:20:07You wear hats.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12Just for a little part of my show. I'll show you that first. Ready?
0:20:19 > 0:20:20Oh, nice, that was.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:26 > 0:20:27That's so nice.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Oh!
0:20:34 > 0:20:36You sexy little bastard!
0:20:39 > 0:20:40Oh!
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Oh, oh!
0:20:47 > 0:20:50If I was a woman, I'd bang you right now.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Literally, you'd have had me at kick.
0:20:54 > 0:20:58What are you doing now... Oh! Oh!
0:20:58 > 0:21:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:06 > 0:21:08I think you've just given that football an orgasm.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12This is amazing.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15- My heel's ready.- Your heel's ready?
0:21:15 > 0:21:17What's your heel going to do?
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Oh, my God, that's amazing.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23CHEERING
0:21:38 > 0:21:40- Wasn't that amazing?- Thank you.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44Do you do, like, street shows and stuff like that?
0:21:44 > 0:21:46I started doing street shows and now I'm...
0:21:46 > 0:21:50- You know, I've got four Guinness World Records now.- Have you?!
0:21:50 > 0:21:52For different aspects of freestyle.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54- What an existence.- It's amazing.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57I'm starting my own freestyle academy in America in August.
0:21:57 > 0:21:58What's it called?
0:21:58 > 0:22:02The John Farnworth Freestyle Academy, so kids can come and learn what I do.
0:22:02 > 0:22:07- You should come.- I'd love to do that. I wouldn't be any good at all!
0:22:07 > 0:22:09You'd do fine, I'm sure.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11It must kill your dad to watch you?
0:22:11 > 0:22:14I smashed so many windows, my mum goes crazy, honestly.
0:22:14 > 0:22:19But I'm just obsessed with learning new tricks.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21So did you have trials for teams and stuff?
0:22:21 > 0:22:24Yes, when I was younger, I played for Preston, when I was 13, 14,
0:22:24 > 0:22:26and I went to a freestyle competition.
0:22:26 > 0:22:31I thought, "I'll give this a go," and that was me, hooked on it.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33How many hours do you do a week?
0:22:33 > 0:22:35It depends on my schedule, if I'm performing,
0:22:35 > 0:22:38but I try to fit in 40 hours' training a week.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42- Wow!- I'm hitting sometimes seven hours a day, so constant practice.
0:22:42 > 0:22:43Just in your garden?
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Yes, garden, garage, any space I can find, basically.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49It's amazing and quite nerdy as well.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52- It is.- But it's so worth it when you perform like that.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55I know, I love performing and showing people stuff.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59People sometimes say, "You show-off," but that's what I love.
0:22:59 > 0:23:00- Totally.- Yes, so I do like that.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03- Have you performed for footballers? - I have.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06Actually Ruud van Nistelrooy booked me to perform at his party.
0:23:06 > 0:23:11- That's a bit scary!- I know, I was like, "I've got to do that."
0:23:11 > 0:23:14How awkward would it be if he went, "Put the football down?"
0:23:14 > 0:23:18"What do you mean, Ruud?" "Put the football down.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20"When I say perform..."
0:23:23 > 0:23:26"What, do you want me to do you mean tricks around a pole?" "Sort of."
0:23:26 > 0:23:30It went well though, it was good. I enjoyed it.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Why have you been in the news this week?
0:23:32 > 0:23:35I'm the world's top freestyle footballer.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38I was in the Metro. I had an article written on me, about what I've
0:23:38 > 0:23:42done, what I have achieved and what I'm planning to do in the future.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45Well, that is wonderful. It's a pleasure to meet you.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Thanks very much. Thank you.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for my mystery guest!
0:23:58 > 0:24:02This week, Stephen Hawking said something that no-one was expecting.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Stephen Hawking believes in aliens.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07The famous British astrophysicist is one of
0:24:07 > 0:24:09the smartest scientists in the world.
0:24:09 > 0:24:10He says aliens are out there,
0:24:10 > 0:24:13but it could be too dangerous for us to contact them.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16When someone of his intellectual capacity says this, you go,
0:24:16 > 0:24:18"Wow, it must be true."
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Because normally people who believe in aliens are thick as fuck.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25My name's Danny Dyer, and I believe in UFOs.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Stephen Hawking is so intelligent,
0:24:30 > 0:24:32he could say anything, and we'd believe him.
0:24:32 > 0:24:36- HE IMITATES HAWKING'S VOICE: - "The average man can live five years
0:24:36 > 0:24:38"longer if he licks a mouse." Oh, cheers, Steve.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41"Ha, ha, ha, ha.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44"L-O-L, L-O-L, L-O-L,
0:24:44 > 0:24:47"you stupid bastard.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51"Hawking freestyle. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55"Damn right, it's better than yours. Damn right, it's better than yours."
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Now, have you heard the latest research?
0:25:00 > 0:25:06According to a new study, your memory could be boosted almost tenfold when
0:25:06 > 0:25:09you dream, particularly if you dream about what you were just learning.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Dreams can improve memory.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14I've never woken up and gone, "Ah! That's where I left my keys."
0:25:14 > 0:25:17It's normally... "Badgers in lifebelts?
0:25:17 > 0:25:21"I must protect the badgers!
0:25:21 > 0:25:23"Margaret, wake up!"
0:25:23 > 0:25:26There's my dog going, "My name's Archie."
0:25:28 > 0:25:31"Who's Margaret?
0:25:31 > 0:25:32"Take your shoe off."
0:25:39 > 0:25:44"Why do you go to bed with your shoes on, anyway?"
0:25:45 > 0:25:47"Why aren't you using your real voice?"
0:25:47 > 0:25:50- IN FOREIGN ACCENT:- "I don't think that people would like it."
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Sleeping on your problems might be helpful,
0:25:56 > 0:26:00but just don't do it if you're in a car with your mates.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05THEY SCREAM
0:26:16 > 0:26:19APPLAUSE
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Time for the Good News story.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28This week it's about a paperboy from Gloucester.
0:26:28 > 0:26:32A paperboy from Gloucester is being honoured tonight
0:26:32 > 0:26:35after saving the life of not one, but two stroke victims.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38Last lesson on a Friday for Matt Pearce.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42It was learning first-aid that earned him tonight's award.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Out on his paper round earlier this year,
0:26:44 > 0:26:47he found one of his elderly customer's front door open.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50He had a look inside and found her collapsed on the floor
0:26:50 > 0:26:51and went to help.
0:26:51 > 0:26:56She said thank you, and the thankyou was, like, slurred.
0:26:56 > 0:27:02So I thought, "This isn't right. I think you're having a stroke."
0:27:02 > 0:27:05So I got out my mobile phone and rang 999,
0:27:05 > 0:27:08and asked the operator for an ambulance.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11Matt's actions saved her life, but it didn't stop there.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14Remarkably, just a few days later, he found a man
0:27:14 > 0:27:18collapsed in the street also suffering with a stroke.
0:27:18 > 0:27:24I was amazed the amount of cars which went past him and didn't think to pull over and ask if he was OK.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28If you want elderly people to respect you, you have to respect them.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31I wouldn't say I'm a hero, because at the end of the day,
0:27:31 > 0:27:34I was just doing my job as any other paperboy at 15, 16 would do.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38Tonight, Matt will swap the back of the classroom for centre stage
0:27:38 > 0:27:41in front of 800 people at Gloucester Cathedral.
0:27:41 > 0:27:46He's nervous, but happy to stand as an example of what young people really can achieve.
0:27:46 > 0:27:47Do you know why I love him?
0:27:47 > 0:27:50- IN WEST-COUNTRY ACCENT: - He's a proper Gloucester boy.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53"I'm not a hero, I'm just a paperboy doing his job."
0:27:53 > 0:27:56What a great kid. Thanks very much for watching Good News.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58Hope you enjoyed it, good night.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:21 > 0:28:24E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk