0:00:00 > 0:00:03This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25CHEERING
0:00:27 > 0:00:32Thank you. Stop. Stop! Steady on.
0:00:33 > 0:00:37Welcome to Good News. So what's been happening?
0:00:37 > 0:00:38Peter Crouch has got a new nickname.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Bollocks on stilts.
0:00:41 > 0:00:46Here's a bit of advice. If you're gonna give your cameraman a blow job, don't get caught on air.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Ask the question of David Craig.
0:00:53 > 0:00:57And over in Norway a guy ignored his mum's advice to wrap up warm.
0:01:06 > 0:01:10It doesn't end there. He's the most desperate flasher in the world.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22So the big news of the week continues to be the weather.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26If the snow hasn't affected you, then the freezing temperatures surely have.
0:01:26 > 0:01:31Nowhere has escaped the Arctic conditions and in some places records continue to be broken.
0:01:31 > 0:01:37There's been so much snow. Luckily, ITV had a really technical way of showing you just how deep it is.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40I just want to show you how deep the snow is.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45As you can see, they're totally snowed in!
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Thanks, ITV!
0:01:47 > 0:01:52Until you put a milk carton in the ground I just had no concept.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Mind you, madness is spreading.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58This bloke was so cold he repeated whatever was said to him.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00It's too cold here for the woodcock.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Too cold here for the woodcock.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05- Is it too cold for you? - Too cold for me.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09If only we had a milk bottle. "If only we had a milk bottle."
0:02:09 > 0:02:13Millions of kids had the day off school and didn't the reporters know about it!
0:02:13 > 0:02:16They should be at home doing their homework.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Anyone would think this was Christmas!
0:02:32 > 0:02:35That went on for ten minutes!
0:02:35 > 0:02:38What I love about the snow, we all go a bit mad.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41For some reason, you have to announce how cold it is when you enter a room.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44"It's freezing out there." "Cheers, Sherlock!"
0:02:44 > 0:02:48Either that or you do a noise to show everyone how cold you are.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51"Brrrr!" No other weather makes you do that.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53When it's sunny you don't go into a shop and go, "Mmm!"
0:02:55 > 0:02:57It's windy.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00"Wooo!" "It's pissing down out there."
0:03:00 > 0:03:02"Don't!"
0:03:02 > 0:03:07Do you know what else I love? Whenever it snows, we always see this headline.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12We become obsessed with the lack of food.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14This bloke was sent shopping by his wife.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Have a look at how many times he says the word "bread".
0:03:17 > 0:03:20We have no bread in the house. There's no bread anywhere.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24But we got told there was bread here today. So I've came up to get bread for her.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Is he married to a duck?
0:03:27 > 0:03:30It wasn't just food.
0:03:30 > 0:03:36Millions face a bitter, freezing night after another day of travel delays and disruption.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Transport ground to a halt. And didn't people overreact.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42This bloke was stuck on a train from London to Brighton.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Look what he compared the journey to.
0:03:44 > 0:03:48If Southern treated war criminals the way they've treated us tonight,
0:03:48 > 0:03:49they would have broken the Geneva Convention.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Imagine him with actual prisoners of war.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57"It was terrible. They kept me in a cage and beat me with an iron bar."
0:03:57 > 0:03:59"I know exactly how you feel.
0:03:59 > 0:04:06I was on a train and we ran out of Kit-Kats! The horror!"
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Stop whinging about the weather.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11It's only gonna snow for a bit, so just enjoy it.
0:04:11 > 0:04:16This guy's got the right idea. Why not build a lovely ice sculpture in your mum's garden?
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Come and look at it at the front.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Come and look at the front of it.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Does it look really good?
0:04:25 > 0:04:29I tell you what, if she's angry now, wait till she sees her car.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41So what's the latest health fad to hit the news?
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Let me ask you something. How far would you go to lose weight?
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Pretty far. I'll do most things.
0:04:46 > 0:04:52Believe it or not, some dieters are injecting urine into their bodies in an attempt to shed some pounds.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01How much of a conversation stopper would that be? "You've lost weight.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03What's your secret?" "Wee."
0:05:03 > 0:05:09"The Nintendo?" "No, I inject myself with piss." "OK!"
0:05:10 > 0:05:15Do you know the strangest thing? You can only lose weight if you inject this kind of urine.
0:05:15 > 0:05:19This is the urine of pregnant women.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Pregnant women!
0:05:21 > 0:05:23As if they haven't got enough on their plate.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Imagine that, she's on the bus. "Can I have that seat?" "Yeah.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29"If you give me your piss!"
0:05:29 > 0:05:35If people are injecting wee, how long before someone takes it a stage further? Hi, fat people.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37I'm Chad Chadson.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41I used to be like you, and then I started drinking urine.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Don't just take my word for it.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53I lost five pounds in a week. Thanks, Chad.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56That's the power of the golden shower.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59It's great for all the family.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Oh, I don't even want to lose weight!
0:06:05 > 0:06:07I'm Chad Chadson.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09I'm in shape, urine shape.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12The P-Plan.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15We're taking the piss!
0:06:20 > 0:06:25What I want to know is what kind of creepy weirdo would drink his own urine?
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Have you seen the latest drug craze sweeping the globe?
0:06:38 > 0:06:42This 15-year-old teen didn't want to share her identity
0:06:42 > 0:06:47but she revealed to KTLA how teenagers are now turning to nutmeg to get high.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51Getting high on nutmeg? Who's their dealer, Mr Kipling?
0:06:51 > 0:06:54"How was your trip?" "Exceedingly good!"
0:06:54 > 0:06:58- "Who gave it to you?" "Some drug- Delia!"
0:07:00 > 0:07:03It's so middle-class, isn't it? "I was off my box last night on nutmeg.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06"Come round, we're gonna do some basil!"
0:07:06 > 0:07:09Have you seen how they take the nutmeg?
0:07:09 > 0:07:13We found teens on YouTube experimenting and discussing the buzz.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Imagine them after a line.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17"I want to bake a cake!"
0:07:17 > 0:07:22I once snorted stuff off a spice rack. Mel B was livid!
0:07:26 > 0:07:28APPLAUSE
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Look how seriously they are taking this story.
0:07:33 > 0:07:38So far, there are no reports of deaths from nutmeg overdose.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Because it's nutmeg!
0:07:40 > 0:07:46You can't die from snorting nutmeg, in the same way you can't die from putting chips in your ear!
0:07:46 > 0:07:48I bet there's a suicidal bloke at home going...
0:07:55 > 0:07:59The big sports story was the battle to host the 2018 World Cup.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01The media really made it look like we'd get it.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05Our top story, is football coming home?
0:08:05 > 0:08:09England have gone to 2-1 on to nail it.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11They say the bookies don't often get it wrong. Let's hope that is the case.
0:08:11 > 0:08:17FIFA World Cup, ladies and gentlemen, will be organised in Russia.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22I can't believe they went for Russia!
0:08:22 > 0:08:27What's their slogan gonna be? "Let's kick racism back into football!"
0:08:27 > 0:08:30I still can't believe we lost the bid. We took all the heavyweights.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Beckham, Cameron, Prince William.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37Mind you, Wills really let us down in the "I love football" contest.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39I love football.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41That's not how you do it.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Right, crazy Russian lady!
0:08:43 > 0:08:45I love football!
0:08:45 > 0:08:49Not as much as you love Red Bull!
0:08:49 > 0:08:53In fairness, Wills never recovered after his wedding joke died.
0:08:53 > 0:08:58I know that we can deliver extraordinary public occasions and celebrations.
0:08:58 > 0:09:03I certainly hope so, as I'm planning quite a big one myself next year.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07That is cold, isn't it?
0:09:07 > 0:09:09"Er...No."
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Russia wasn't the only surprise.
0:09:14 > 0:09:19FIFA also announced who won the 2022 bid and nobody saw this coming.
0:09:19 > 0:09:24It is quite simply the biggest shock in the history of World Cup voting.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27..is Qatar!
0:09:27 > 0:09:31If only ITV could tell me about Qatar like I've got shit for brains!
0:09:31 > 0:09:34What or where is it?
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Remember, not guitar,
0:09:36 > 0:09:42certainly not gutter any more, it's Qatar and it's here, next to Saudi Arabia.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Thanks, ITV.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49They actually showed a guitar.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53Imagine the graphics they would have shown if the World Cup was held here.
0:09:55 > 0:09:59It's football, it's coming home!
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Did you see how hot it gets in Qatar?
0:10:02 > 0:10:06In July, the temperature is 46 degrees Centigrade.
0:10:06 > 0:10:0846 degrees.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12It's a good job Rooney will have retired, or he'd look like this.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16I'll tell you what, it's also bad news for boozers.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20Fans will be instructed not to drink alcohol or be drunk in public.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23- It's illegal. - You can't stop people drinking.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27If footy fans are sober, they'll never do wonderful things like this.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Again, that goes on for ten minutes.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Not only is booze not allowed, it's also illegal to be gay.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51I tell you what, let's hope FIFA don't send this referee.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09First up, a quick headline.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16You're probably thinking, "Hey, Russ, that's just not funny." Oh, really?
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Check out his mugshot.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26He is higher than a giraffe on a trampoline!
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Over in America, some belting stories.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32You'll never believe the latest way for women to protect themselves.
0:11:32 > 0:11:38Today, self-defence devices for women have become a lot more effective and way more feminine.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41Welcome the tampon Taser!
0:11:43 > 0:11:49The tampon Taser! Genius. You can buy a Taser that's disguised as a tampon.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Let's hope you don't mix it up with your normal ones.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Argh!
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Look at the name they gave it.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00It's called the Pink Stinger.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04The Pink Stinger! Sounds like a gay wasp.
0:12:04 > 0:12:09In case any ladies fancy it, have a look at how it works when you're under attack.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12She grabs the Pink Stinger, she hits a button
0:12:12 > 0:12:16and two cotton tampons with both probes that come shooting out,
0:12:16 > 0:12:21extending 14 feet with a wire, hopefully hits the assailant.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25And then deploys a shock that renders him incapacitated,
0:12:25 > 0:12:30definitely demoralised and probably standing in a puddle of his own pee.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Standing in your own piss.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37It would be quite funny though if some dickhead tries to mug you,
0:12:37 > 0:12:40you pull out a tampon and he's like, "Oh, poor little girl.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44"She's so scared she's gonna have her period."
0:12:45 > 0:12:49Next minute, he's on the floor, smelling like a pensioner's sofa.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54"What's my name?"
0:12:54 > 0:12:58I really hope tampon Tasers take off.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Can you imagine the adverts?
0:13:01 > 0:13:06# Oh, Bodyform...
0:13:20 > 0:13:25Also, did anyone hear about this bizarre 999 call from Kent?
0:13:25 > 0:13:29As the cold weather puts extra pressure on emergency services,
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Kent Police had an extraordinary call from a woman in Chatham.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34- Damn right it was extraordinary.- Woo!
0:13:34 > 0:13:38A few fans of Chatham or a few fans of the phone.
0:13:38 > 0:13:39"Yeah, I love him.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42"I call it the ringy-ringy, talkie-talkie."
0:13:44 > 0:13:48This is the exact conversation that took place.
0:14:27 > 0:14:28How....
0:14:29 > 0:14:32how can you be that thick?
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Not only did he nick my snowman, yeah?
0:14:35 > 0:14:37I left some ice cubes in my drink.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39I came back...stolen!
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Gone!
0:14:42 > 0:14:44It was taken by the Coke, was it?
0:14:44 > 0:14:45I don't think so!
0:14:45 > 0:14:49Why would Fizzy steal? Fizzy don't steal.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52I'm not an idiot, mate.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Apparently, police already have a suspect.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00To be honest, the snowman wasn't nicked. He was busy in the car park.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Over in New York, have a look at this story about a battle between
0:15:10 > 0:15:14atheists and the Catholic Church over the true meaning of Christmas.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16There's not just light at the end of this tunnel.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20There's a battle of the billboards on the Jersey side.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22The atheist holiday billboard.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24"You know it's a myth.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26"This season, celebrate reason."
0:15:26 > 0:15:28And the Catholics hit back with...
0:15:28 > 0:15:32"You know it's real. This season, celebrate Jesus."
0:15:32 > 0:15:36So why did the atheists start this fight?
0:15:36 > 0:15:37We do know it's a myth.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41We know the invisible magic man in the sky is a myth.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44If God is the Invisible Magic Man, what does he call Jesus?
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Mr Fishy Beardy Man?
0:15:46 > 0:15:50"Hey, look, it's Mr Fatty in a Nappy Man." "My name is Buddha!"
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Either way, the Catholics were furious.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58They believe we came from the Big Bang theory, or is it the King Kong theory?
0:15:58 > 0:16:00I'm pretty sure it's the Big Bang theory!
0:16:00 > 0:16:05I'd have remembered Stephen Hawking going, "The universe began when a gorilla climbed a building!"
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Listen to his description of the Big Bang.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13We're a bunch of apes and we fell down Kerplunk one day.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16If he wants to believe in that fairytale he has every right to do so.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Monkeys playing Kerplunk?
0:16:19 > 0:16:22What kind of fucked up fairytale is that?
0:16:22 > 0:16:24It sounds like a Boris Johnson dream.
0:16:24 > 0:16:29"I was on a bouncy castle and then suddenly I was playing Kerplunk with a gibbon!"
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Or maybe he's got board game Tourette's.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36"Buckaroo, I love Jesus."
0:16:36 > 0:16:41It'd be a nightmare, wouldn't it? "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Hungry Hippos."
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Curse my illness... Waddington's.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49My favourite part of the report was this claim.
0:16:49 > 0:16:54God and Santa Claus are the same. He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59I hope they're not the same thing!
0:16:59 > 0:17:05Nobody wants to be shagging a girl and hear her go, "Oh, my Father Christmas!
0:17:05 > 0:17:08"Santa, Santa, Santa!"
0:17:11 > 0:17:15It's going to be a white Christmas!
0:17:20 > 0:17:22God and Santa are not the same thing.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25I've never seen people kneeling before Santa.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Except for that time I really wanted that bike.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Aw!
0:17:31 > 0:17:35I didn't get it. Well, I did, but I didn't get that bike.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39HE SOBS
0:17:42 > 0:17:44AUDIENCE: Awww!
0:17:47 > 0:17:50There's been an imaginary case of child abuse.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55Mind you, the strangest religious story of the week has to be this.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59We all know Simon Cowell likes to play God on The X Factor
0:17:59 > 0:18:02and a group of Christians are supportive
0:18:02 > 0:18:04of the Cowell power.
0:18:04 > 0:18:08The religious magazine believes his straight talking is similar to the Messiah's.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Simon Cowell is like Jesus?
0:18:12 > 0:18:17I tell you what, it's really going to change the song. # Simon Cowell, superstar
0:18:17 > 0:18:20# Moobs so big, he needs a Wonderbra! #
0:18:24 > 0:18:27It makes you think - did Jesus go about his business like Cowell does?
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Maybe Biblical times would have been like this.
0:18:34 > 0:18:35What's your name?
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Pustulus.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42OK, Pustulus. In your own time.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54You didn't see that coming, did you?
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Amazing!
0:19:02 > 0:19:05This is the part I genuinely don't know about.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08There's going to be a mystery guest who's been in the news and I have to figure out who that person is.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10So, please welcome my mystery guest.
0:19:20 > 0:19:25- Hello, nice to meet you.- Nice to meet you.- What's your name?- Natalie. - Andy.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29And Andy. It might have something to do with Kate Middleton and Prince William?
0:19:29 > 0:19:34You look like them except you've got brown hair.
0:19:34 > 0:19:39- A bit thicker.- Are you lookalikes for Kate Middleton and Prince William?- Yes.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42- Is that why you are in the news? - That's it.- Get in there!
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Nice work, Wills!
0:19:56 > 0:20:01- How long have you been doing this? - I've only been doing it two weeks.
0:20:01 > 0:20:06- It is new for me.- How long have you been doing the Wills thing? - Six months in total.
0:20:06 > 0:20:12- What is the weirdest thing you've had to do?- Take down my trousers for a photo-shoot.
0:20:12 > 0:20:18- I was really nervous. - What was that for?- We were doing a shoot for Allison Jackson.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21She does stuff with lookalikes
0:20:21 > 0:20:26- in awkward situations.- It was you and your pants down, the future King of England!
0:20:26 > 0:20:30If you had done that 200 years ago, you'd be dead now.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Were your nuts out? Or just s little bit of...?
0:20:34 > 0:20:36A bit of skin. We'll see.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Look forward to that.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40What photo did you have to do?
0:20:40 > 0:20:44Bridal. I got to wear wedding dresses.
0:20:44 > 0:20:48You get to wear a wedding dress and he has his nuts swinging in the breeze!
0:20:51 > 0:20:54When did you realise you looked like them? Was it people in the street...?
0:20:54 > 0:21:01A lot of people I knew started telling me I looked like her and people would say,
0:21:01 > 0:21:03"You really look like Kate Middleton."
0:21:03 > 0:21:09What's lovely about it, you look like good-looking people that people would like.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11If you looked like Gary Glitter, what a nightmare!
0:21:13 > 0:21:18Or Pol Pot. If you looked like a dead ringer for Hitler, there isn't a lot of work.
0:21:18 > 0:21:22"Adolf, can I have photo of you in your pants?" It's not working.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24You look great together.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27You look genuinely, genetically wonderful.
0:21:28 > 0:21:33I feel like I'm a director for a royal porn film! Let's do it!
0:21:34 > 0:21:39- Crown Jewels Two! Electric Boogaloo! - King Willy.- King Willy works, yes. Yeah, I like that.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42That's nice.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Sorry.
0:21:46 > 0:21:52Here's a question. Mainly to you - have you ever used the fact that you look a bit like Prince William
0:21:52 > 0:21:55to gain the affection of ladies?
0:21:55 > 0:21:58I haven't abused it as much as I probably should have but...
0:22:01 > 0:22:05Never has the word "abused" sounded as creepy.
0:22:05 > 0:22:10- How about you?- No, I'm in a relationship, so I'm not looking for...
0:22:10 > 0:22:13You could do it like you wouldn't have to pay for a parking meter.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16In a few years' - "I can't pay for that, I'm the Queen."
0:22:16 > 0:22:18I might do! I might do that.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22What are you going to do on the big day, the marriage?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24I don't have plans yet.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26- But... - There's a few bookings coming in.
0:22:26 > 0:22:31- It will be so cool.- Should be good.- I look forward to that. Ladies and gentlemen, you have been a pleasure.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34Nice to meet you both. Thanks for coming on my show.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36My mystery guests! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:22:42 > 0:22:46This week, Leona Lewis visited a bear sanctuary. Here's the photo.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Isn't that lovely?
0:22:52 > 0:22:58Leona, a bear, have a look at the headline The Sun put with that photo.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Leona's growler!
0:23:03 > 0:23:06Talking of furry beasts, check this out.
0:23:06 > 0:23:10Time to enjoy a cold one, not you, your dog!
0:23:10 > 0:23:12This all-natural beer foams up like the real thing
0:23:12 > 0:23:15but it's designed for your four-legged friends.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18They've invented beer for dogs.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Let's hope it is not like tequila, that can really turn a hound!
0:23:31 > 0:23:36It's madness. There will be high streets full of drunken, horny dogs.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Oi, love! Fancy a shag?
0:23:38 > 0:23:41We can do it people-style!
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Awkwardly!
0:23:45 > 0:23:49I don't know why I'm dancing! I would hate to see my dog with a hangover.
0:23:49 > 0:23:53"Archie, fetch the ball." "You fetch it, dickhead.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55"And get me some Berocca
0:23:55 > 0:23:57"and one of her shoes!"
0:24:00 > 0:24:04Mind you, if dog beer does take off, I've made them an advert.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Hello?
0:24:12 > 0:24:14What's u-u-u-u-u-up?!
0:24:14 > 0:24:16What's u-u-u-u-up?!
0:24:16 > 0:24:21- U-u-u-u-u-p?- U-u-u-u-u-p? - U-u-u-u-u-p?- U-u-u-u-u-p?
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Pugweiser, it's the mutt's nuts!
0:24:26 > 0:24:28INDISTINCT
0:24:30 > 0:24:34Now, believe it or not, dog beer isn't the weirdest canine story of the week.
0:24:34 > 0:24:39We all know the phrase "a dog is a man's best friend"
0:24:39 > 0:24:43but in India one bloke has taken it too far.
0:24:43 > 0:24:48This 33-year-old man has married a female dog.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53A bloke's married a female dog?
0:24:53 > 0:24:56I love the fact that it's a female.
0:24:56 > 0:25:00"You've married a dog." "Yeah, she's a girl, I'm not a pervert."
0:25:00 > 0:25:06Can you imagine the wedding? Half the church would be dogs. "What a lovely service.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08"That wedding was my bollocks!"
0:25:10 > 0:25:12"What, in a jar at the vet's?"
0:25:12 > 0:25:13"Not now, Sandra."
0:25:20 > 0:25:22"You always do this, don't you? We are having a nice..."
0:25:26 > 0:25:28"I hate you!"
0:25:29 > 0:25:31"My mum said you were a bitch and she was right."
0:25:36 > 0:25:42Do you know the weirdest thing? The guy married a dog because he thought it would cure his bad leg.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Look who told him to do it.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46On the advice of an astrologer,
0:25:46 > 0:25:49he decided to marry a bitch to get cured.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52What kind of a fucked up astrologer is that?
0:25:52 > 0:25:57"What do you see in your crystal ball?" "You on honeymoon with a labrador."
0:25:57 > 0:26:01Do you reckon he does this all the time? "I think I'm going blind!" "You need to cuddle a pig!"
0:26:01 > 0:26:05"I've got asthma." "Tea-bag a giraffe."
0:26:05 > 0:26:07"I've got a headache." "Try Nurofen."
0:26:08 > 0:26:10"Then rim a pigeon."
0:26:11 > 0:26:18"I love my job." The most disturbing part is we've got a photo of the wedding night.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23That was weirdly sexy.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27A little bit? No? Ha-ha!
0:26:31 > 0:26:35I started tonight by showing the worst of the weather.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Sometimes it can bring out the best in people.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Placid and peaceful,
0:26:39 > 0:26:44this baby has no idea the fuss his arrival caused yesterday.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47When his mum Donna went into labour
0:26:47 > 0:26:50at her home in a snow-bound North Coates,
0:26:50 > 0:26:53she knew there was no way she could make it to hospital
0:26:53 > 0:26:56and she feared medical help would never get through.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58There was no way of getting anybody here
0:26:58 > 0:27:01or us getting out and the roads were so bad
0:27:01 > 0:27:05I didn't want anybody to get hurt through what we were going through.
0:27:05 > 0:27:10She and her partner had not counted on the local community spirit.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Neighbours helped clear their close
0:27:13 > 0:27:17and farmers ferried medical staff on their tractors.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19But the drama wasn't over yet.
0:27:19 > 0:27:23The baby had got stuck and it took the skill of a local GP
0:27:23 > 0:27:29who'd stocked out one of the paramedics to rescue the situation.
0:27:29 > 0:27:33It's just as well we made it through to get these pictures,
0:27:33 > 0:27:38because so far, none of his relatives have been able to visit the little snow baby.
0:27:40 > 0:27:41AUDIENCE: Awww.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44The kid goes, "Thanks, everyone!"
0:27:44 > 0:27:48Now, if you've got a good news story that you think we should know about,
0:27:48 > 0:27:49log on to our blog and tell us.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52I hope you enjoyed the show. Good night.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:06 > 0:28:09E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk