0:00:04 > 0:00:11This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24APPLAUSE
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33Hello and welcome to Good News. I'll tell you what...
0:00:33 > 0:00:36It doesn't take much to impress reporters these days.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39Plates, they are pretty awesome.
0:00:39 > 0:00:40LAUGHTER
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Over at BBC Breakfast, an important sex tip...
0:00:43 > 0:00:47Never put anything larger than an elbow in an orifice.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49I've always said that!
0:00:49 > 0:00:53With all the news focusing on Japan and Libya,
0:00:53 > 0:00:55things have been a bit quiet in Scotland.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59A dozen ambulances were sent to an accident in Fife earlier today
0:00:59 > 0:01:03that resulted in a 12-year-old boy having a plaster put on his finger.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Did anyone else see that old bloke talking about vajazzling?
0:01:09 > 0:01:15If it is groomed and quite smart, it can be quite enhancing,
0:01:15 > 0:01:18but if it's a mess, you think yuck!
0:01:18 > 0:01:20What has it got inside there?
0:01:24 > 0:01:28In political news this week, the English Defence League held a march in Blackburn.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Here's what happened.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32They arrived in Blackburn by the bus load.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35THEY CHANT
0:01:35 > 0:01:39Members of the English Defence League from across the country,
0:01:39 > 0:01:42voicing their opposition to Islamic extremism.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46Can some of you please behave yourselves?
0:01:46 > 0:01:49In case you don't know who the English Defence League are...
0:01:49 > 0:01:52Hello, Sir, why are you here today?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54I'm here to protest, right,
0:01:54 > 0:01:59so I'm going on a march, because I want Britain to be back British.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02I want Britain to be back British.
0:02:02 > 0:02:08We've got interracial law and the muslamic infidel,
0:02:08 > 0:02:11that's how they get their law over our country.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Some of these burqa people, right,
0:02:14 > 0:02:18they can't even speak proper England.
0:02:18 > 0:02:23They are trying to put the Iraqi law down on London and trying to...
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Just trying to put their law down on us.
0:02:26 > 0:02:31- We can't stand for that. - Which Iraqi law is this?
0:02:31 > 0:02:34It's the Muslim, the muslamic law.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38The Muslim muslamic law, right.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Shut up, right, they want to do a 9/11 every Wednesday.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45They want to stop me eating bacon...
0:02:45 > 0:02:49Their leader, Al Qaeda, you know, the bloke who lives in a cave, right,
0:02:49 > 0:02:52he wants Sharon law.
0:02:52 > 0:02:57Well, I don't want a woman forcing me to speak Mosque.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59LAUGHTER
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Check out their leader, Stephen Lennon.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04We will not say what you want. We will not do what you want.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08I have not been groomed in public speaking. I have not been educated.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10I've never read a book.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14I don't even know how to use a spoon!
0:03:14 > 0:03:17What a role model. The thing that caught my eye about this -
0:03:17 > 0:03:21they went to Blackburn because they wanted to fight an anti-fascist group.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23It didn't really work out that way.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35Brilliant. The racists started fighting themselves.
0:03:35 > 0:03:41Oi, Terry, you've given me a black eye. Now I hate my own eye!
0:03:44 > 0:03:49I wouldn't be surprised if one of them started a fight with his own shadow. Stop following me.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53Stop it, you black bastard!
0:03:53 > 0:03:59They are the kind of people who hold up signs that say, "Ban the burqa" while dressed like this.
0:04:02 > 0:04:08Over in Italy, the Prime Minister, Silvio "sex-pest" Berlusconi, is going to court.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12The Italian Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi, has been ordered to
0:04:12 > 0:04:16stand trial on charges of paying for sex with an underaged girl.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Prosecutors allege Berlusconi paid for sex
0:04:19 > 0:04:23with the 17-year-old Moroccan girl nicknamed Ruby.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24So is Berlusconi worried?
0:04:24 > 0:04:28Well, clearly not. He laughed off the scandal by saying this...
0:04:42 > 0:04:46I'm a sleazy bastard.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Probably the most ridiculous development of the trial is this.
0:04:49 > 0:04:54Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has called up George Clooney
0:04:54 > 0:04:57as one of his defence witnesses for when he goes on trial next month.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Makes sense. The two are inseparable.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01You barely see them apart.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05George Clooney says he only recalls meeting the Italian Prime Minister once.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Berlusconi is clearly bullshitting.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11Yeah, Clooney was there, Ian Holloway.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14De blue one from Avatar,
0:05:16 > 0:05:18and de President of Russia.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Vladimir Putin? No! Dis guy.
0:05:25 > 0:05:26Elsewhere in the world of politics...
0:05:26 > 0:05:29have you heard the latest news about the Liberals?
0:05:29 > 0:05:34A company in Suffolk have planned a musical about Nick Clegg.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Apparently they're going to call it Clegg The Musical.
0:05:37 > 0:05:42Surely they should have gone for Nick And His Amazing Technicolour Bullshit.
0:05:42 > 0:05:47I was so excited by this, I couldn't wait, so I've decided to write my own version.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:22 > 0:06:25There's been ghoulish goings-on in the West Midlands.
0:06:25 > 0:06:31A cupboard door mysteriously opens of its on accord.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Is someone behind it playing tricks?
0:06:33 > 0:06:39Not so, according to a family in Coventry, who claim something is haunting their home.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42There's a ghost in Coventry?
0:06:42 > 0:06:43What has he been doing?
0:06:43 > 0:06:47The room is quiet and motionless.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51But then, suddenly disturbed by a moving pink chair.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Is this family being visited by a poltergeist?
0:06:56 > 0:06:59No.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Someone is moving a chair with string.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Either that or you've got a ghost that's into feng shui.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07He's hardly scary.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10A moving pink chair coming out of the closet.
0:07:10 > 0:07:16I bet that ghost doesn't go "Wooo", he goes "Oooooh".
0:07:16 > 0:07:21It isn't just the chair. Look what else this evil spirit has done.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25The light came on, or switched off - one or the other,
0:07:25 > 0:07:30and I went to the kitchen to try to turn the light back off.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33I think it must have turned it back on.
0:07:33 > 0:07:37As I touched the kitchen light all you heard was a bang
0:07:37 > 0:07:40and the whole house electrics have gone off.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42That's a power cut!
0:07:44 > 0:07:48Unbelievably this isn't the only ghost story from Coventry.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50There was another one in the news this week.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53But he doesn't move furniture. He's got a bit of a temper.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03Casper's gone bad.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06I know we shouldn't laugh but look where she claims the ghost is stalking her.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15The ghosts follow her to Asda.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17It's like something out of Chat magazine.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21I reached over the freezer, suddenly I were cold all over,
0:08:21 > 0:08:27then a voice from nowhere went, "Supervisor to checkout three, please."
0:08:27 > 0:08:29I looked around, no-one there.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Ghosts.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34Why is a ghost attacking a woman from Coventry?
0:08:34 > 0:08:38Surely if you could punch anyone you would choose this guy.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:08:46 > 0:08:51Why be so violent? If I was an invisible ghost I wouldn't hit people, I would have fun.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52I would go to a zoo.
0:08:52 > 0:08:57I would pick up a penguin and make it look like he was flying,
0:08:57 > 0:09:00just to see all the other penguins going, "What the fu...
0:09:00 > 0:09:03"How are you doing that?"
0:09:06 > 0:09:09"It's a miracle."
0:09:09 > 0:09:15Let's be honest, a violent ghost would be terrifying, but it would definitely have improved this film.
0:09:15 > 0:09:19MUSIC: "Unchained Melody" by The Righteous Brothers
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Elsewhere...
0:09:40 > 0:09:42- LAUGHTER - Thanks very much.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44APPLAUSE
0:09:46 > 0:09:49There is nothing quite like a lady getting hit.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Elsewhere in the news scientists have finally discovered the secret of love.
0:09:55 > 0:09:59A 21st century matchmaker promises singles they can
0:09:59 > 0:10:03find someone compatible simply by matching their faces to others.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07This is the news that apparently you're attracted to people that look like you.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Shit!
0:10:10 > 0:10:13That doesn't bode well for me....
0:10:16 > 0:10:18APPLAUSE
0:10:22 > 0:10:25My girlfriend actually calls me Shirley,
0:10:25 > 0:10:28but that's another story.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31If scientists are right, it explains why these two are so close.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37It's bollocks. I don't want to go out with someone that looks like me.
0:10:37 > 0:10:42I've got a lazy eye. We'd spend eternity unable to make eye contact.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45Our children would look like this.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53If I banged an animal.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00The big sports story of the week had to be this.
0:11:00 > 0:11:05The Football Association has upheld Wayne Rooney's two-match ban for swearing into a TV camera.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Nobody cares.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12A footballer swore? Next you'll be telling me Jordan isn't a virgin.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14What do they expect, it's Rooney.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17He's hardly going to turn into Stephen Fry after scoring.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21Got the ball here, come on, lads, you can do it. It's a goal!
0:11:21 > 0:11:25My goodness, that ball flew into the net like a glorious falcon.
0:11:25 > 0:11:30Look to me, chaps, for my foot is more powerful than Thor's hammer.
0:11:30 > 0:11:36Let's finish these rapscallions off and head back to mine for jam sandwiches and ginger beer.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37Are you all right, Wayne?
0:11:37 > 0:11:42I don't know. I came over weird when I scored that fucking goal.
0:11:42 > 0:11:48You get these hysterical parents, "He swore, now the children will swear." Calm down.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50They haven't copied him in the past.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53"Where are you going?" "Mother, I'm off granny-banging.
0:11:53 > 0:11:58"If it's good enough for Rooney, it's good enough for me.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01"Now fetch my Shrek mask."
0:12:02 > 0:12:07That isn't the only football story this week. Look what Mohammed Al Fayed has done.
0:12:07 > 0:12:13As Fulham football fans arrived at the fronts of Craven Cottage stadium on Sunday for a league match,
0:12:13 > 0:12:16a controversial statue of the pop legend Michael Jackson was being unveiled at the back.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Have you seen it?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24It looks like something you'd get with a Happy Meal.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Obviously the fans hate it.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Cue excellent reaction from Al Fayed.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34If some stupid fans don't understand and appreciate
0:12:34 > 0:12:37such a gift this guy give to the world,
0:12:37 > 0:12:39they can just go to hell.
0:12:39 > 0:12:44That's a bit harsh. Imagine being in hell stood next to some bloke, "What are you here for?"
0:12:44 > 0:12:47"I ate a baby, you?"
0:12:47 > 0:12:50"I didn't like a statue.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53"I thought it looked like goats cheese over a sex doll."
0:12:53 > 0:12:58Fulham must be the least family friendly club in the league.
0:12:58 > 0:13:03They are called the Cottagers and now they've got a statue of a suspected paedo.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06What does their mascot look like, this?
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Peculiar news from around the globe.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Let's start with a strange new law in Malawi.
0:13:19 > 0:13:24Farting in public is apparently such a big problem in Malawi,
0:13:24 > 0:13:28officials want it to be made a criminal offence.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31TRANSLATION: We can't allow that. We all fart.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Where do you think we Could go and fart? It is no issue to debate upon.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38Exactly! You can't ban farting. Sometimes you can't help it.
0:13:38 > 0:13:43If my dad lifts something heavy, he will gulf like a fat horse.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45This is going to change the Comic Relief videos.
0:13:45 > 0:13:51Just £5 a month can help Bwembe go to Europe so he can drop his guts.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Loads of blokes hanging their arse over the border.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57Argh! Thanks, Lenny Henry.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01As you can imagine the people of Malawi are not taking this sitting down.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05We all fart in public, it will be difficult to tell who's done it.
0:14:05 > 0:14:10Some do it silently. In some cases it's like tear gas that goes sssh.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Sssshhhh!
0:14:13 > 0:14:18If my ass made that noise, I would be down the library freaking people out.
0:14:18 > 0:14:23That librarian keeps telling me to be quiet and he fucking stinks!
0:14:23 > 0:14:29From Malawi to Australia and a novel way to boost the population.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33Two of Australia's biggest IVF clinic have launched an online advertising
0:14:33 > 0:14:36campaign to encourage more men to become sperm donors.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39They've done so in typically Aussie fashion.
0:14:43 > 0:14:47I love the fact you can only see one of his hands.
0:14:48 > 0:14:52Have you been to Australia? All their ads are like that, ridiculously blunt.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56Socks, your ankles fucking love them!
0:14:56 > 0:14:58McDonalds, eat it, you dick.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02I bet you money the blood bank hit back.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Hey, that's right. That's right.
0:15:12 > 0:15:16Staying down under. Here's a headline I never thought I'd see.
0:15:20 > 0:15:27A bloke from Melbourne has been attaching a parrot to his windscreen wipers and taking him for a drive.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30- Want to see the parrot in action? - Yes!
0:15:30 > 0:15:34One of the videos was shot in a Melbourne back street.
0:15:34 > 0:15:39Go, Angus! Good boy, mate!
0:15:39 > 0:15:42I love it out here.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45The wind blowing through my feathers.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48You know, I don't think I've ever been happier.
0:15:48 > 0:15:54Another, this one at around 100 kilometres an hour in the breakdown lane of a busy freeway.
0:15:54 > 0:16:00Fuck! Stop the car, stop the fucking car!
0:16:02 > 0:16:03Poor parrot.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Who's a pretty boy then?
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Not me, I have flies in my teeth.
0:16:09 > 0:16:15Beak, not teeth. I haven't actually got any teeth.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18I'm a parrot.
0:16:18 > 0:16:23I'd do the next joke if I were you, Russ, you look like a dick on national telly.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25The bloke is a absolute moron.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Look what he gets angry about.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30I am sick of people looking at me and laughing as I'm driving down the street.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34Well, don't Sellotape a parrot to your car then.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37As you can imagine, the authorities want this to stop.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39And you're telling people it will stop?
0:16:39 > 0:16:42I'm not going to say it'll stop, I'm going to think about it.
0:16:42 > 0:16:47Yeah, I am going to think about it, but in fairness I said I would think about going to the dentist.
0:16:49 > 0:16:54To be honest, the parrot should count himself lucky, there are worse cars to be attached to.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56# It's Friday, Friday... #
0:16:56 > 0:16:59APPLAUSE
0:17:02 > 0:17:05MOUTHS
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Time for the mystery guest and, yes, you are right,
0:17:17 > 0:17:21I did get beaten up by an old lady last week. Ha-ha(!)
0:17:21 > 0:17:24This is the part of the show I genuinely don't know anything about.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28There'll be a mystery guest from the news. I have to figure out who that person is.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Please welcome my mystery guest.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- Hello. Nice to meet you. I am Russ.- Jammie.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Jammie? Nice to meet you.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Please tell me your surname is Dodger and we will go.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57- I am guessing scientist. - You're wrong.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00- I'm wrong? Why have you got all this stuff then?- I was given it.
0:18:00 > 0:18:01- You were given it.- By them.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04- This isn't your stuff? - No, none of it is my stuff.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07This isn't fair, so they dressed you up to look like a scientist.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11What do you do, a matador or something?
0:18:11 > 0:18:14It's something to do with potions, do you make potions?
0:18:14 > 0:18:15Not potions.
0:18:15 > 0:18:20- But I'm close?- Close. - Do you make...perfume?
0:18:20 > 0:18:22I make perfume, yeah.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26- What's your scent? Are you Calvin Klein?- No.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28- That would have been great.- Yeah.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32You make perfume. Is that why you have been in the news this week?
0:18:32 > 0:18:34- Yes.- For making perfume?
0:18:34 > 0:18:38Yeah, a perfume called Surplus or "Sur-ploo" if you are French.
0:18:38 > 0:18:42- Surplus, OK...- It's made from the excesses of the body.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44From the excesses of the body?
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Doesn't sound like a massive seller.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51You are telling me you make poo perfume?
0:18:51 > 0:18:55- Yeah.- You do? - Well, it's not just from...
0:18:55 > 0:18:57- It's not just from poo? - It's also from urine and hair.
0:18:57 > 0:19:02I apologise. It's poo perfume and wee and hair?
0:19:02 > 0:19:06- Mm-hm. Do you want to try it?- No.
0:19:06 > 0:19:11You know, I have a selection of people here. I will sniff it, yeah.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23Smells all right actually. I need someone to verify it doesn't smell like...
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Are you up for it?
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Fancy a bit of poo?
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Give us a whiff and shout out what that smells like, madam.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35I think it smells like my nan.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Smells like your nan?
0:19:38 > 0:19:40- APPLAUSE - Wouldn't that be...
0:19:43 > 0:19:47That would be the best advert for perfume.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50Generally it's sexy French models going like that,
0:19:50 > 0:19:54it's just your nan going, "I stink."
0:19:54 > 0:19:58How much poo does it take to make one pot of this?
0:19:58 > 0:20:04I made about seven litres of liquid. That's including...
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Do you live alone?
0:20:06 > 0:20:09At the time I was. My girlfriend was in New York.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12She was in New York. Did she have any idea you were doing this?
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- No.- Excellent.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17"What you doing?" "Nothing, this and that."
0:20:17 > 0:20:18HE STRAINS
0:20:18 > 0:20:25Explain to me the process from poo to perfume, how does that happen?
0:20:25 > 0:20:29That doesn't look or smell like poo.
0:20:29 > 0:20:34The simplest way of kind of putting it together would be
0:20:34 > 0:20:39that in faeces there is a molecule called skatole which is the smell.
0:20:39 > 0:20:45It's the same molecule that makes white flowers smell - like orange blossoms, junipers, jasmines -
0:20:45 > 0:20:50it's just in different percentages so in faeces it's like 30%, in white flowers it's about 5%.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54So I extracted that through steam distillation process,
0:20:54 > 0:20:59which is the traditional method of extracting oils and essential oils from any material
0:20:59 > 0:21:04and diluted it down into a more pleasant smell, rather than...
0:21:04 > 0:21:06How did you learn all this?
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Research and speaking to perfumers and scientists
0:21:09 > 0:21:12and experimenting with nose pegs.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Flipping heck, man!
0:21:14 > 0:21:18I think you may need a bit of help. I like you,
0:21:18 > 0:21:24but that is, you know... Isn't it interesting? Because you are wearing a white coat
0:21:24 > 0:21:27and glasses and you have an air of intelligence about you,
0:21:27 > 0:21:30we go, "Very interesting." If you said that to me on a park bench,
0:21:32 > 0:21:35I'd run away. Now I am going, "How very clever."
0:21:35 > 0:21:37- Isn't that weird?- Thank you. - Lovely to meet you,
0:21:37 > 0:21:42what a bizarre thing. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for my mystery guest.
0:21:42 > 0:21:43APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:21:46 > 0:21:50Now remember last week we found the house that looked like Hitler.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Get ready for this.
0:21:56 > 0:22:01They found an insect that looks like Elvis and when you see it it's going to blow your mind.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Truly remarkable. It's like he is in the room!
0:22:07 > 0:22:11In fairness, most insects look like people. Some look like sportsmen.
0:22:14 > 0:22:15Some look like rappers.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21And some look like evil dictators.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29This next story is great. Here's a sentence you don't hear very often.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32A fireman from Hull has been described as a hero
0:22:32 > 0:22:35after giving the kiss of life to a pet dog.
0:22:35 > 0:22:40Hero? Imagine him with the other firemen.
0:22:40 > 0:22:41"Just put out a fire, you?"
0:22:41 > 0:22:43"I tongued a Labrador."
0:22:43 > 0:22:47Did you see how long he worked on the dog?
0:22:47 > 0:22:51It was such a rewarding thing to see, the way the fireman was...
0:22:51 > 0:22:54He must have been 30 minutes working on the dog.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57"30 minutes, it were beautiful.
0:22:57 > 0:23:01"The dog came around after two but he wanted to be sure.
0:23:01 > 0:23:06"He was so dedicated, it were 20 minutes before they told him he'd got the wrong end."
0:23:09 > 0:23:14My favourite part of the report has to be the reaction of the dog's owner.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17I don't think I could have done what he did myself, to my own dog.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19We knew what her breath was like.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24"I'd have let her die, she fucking stinks!"
0:23:24 > 0:23:30Moving away from doggy snogging, meet Bob, he has an unusual hobby.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33My name is Bob Gibbons,
0:23:33 > 0:23:39I am 60 years of age and I have the world's biggest collection of love dolls.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41200-plus.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44200 love dolls!
0:23:44 > 0:23:46How creepy is that?
0:23:46 > 0:23:49Do you reckon he put them on his census form?
0:23:49 > 0:23:50"Who lives here?
0:23:50 > 0:23:58"Well, I got Dirty Sue, Busty Brenda, Filthy Maureen.
0:23:58 > 0:23:59"And my wife...
0:24:04 > 0:24:08"..with her talking and her breathing."
0:24:10 > 0:24:14You probably think he keeps them locked away in a shed. Oh, no.
0:24:14 > 0:24:19We have them around the house, in the house, in the bedroom.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21We have them in the front rooms.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24It's like some kind of budget Playboy mansion.
0:24:24 > 0:24:28I bet that's the only house where Jehovah's Witnesses go,
0:24:28 > 0:24:31"Nah, we'll come back later."
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Christ, I've only just seen them bastards.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39Bizarrely, his relationship isn't sexual.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43OK.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47Let's take you on a shopping trip, maybe we will buy something.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50That's right, he is taking a sex doll to Tesco.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55I have got you something really nice.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59"Is it a drawing pin so I can end my misery?"
0:25:00 > 0:25:04The strangest part of this story, look how much he spent on his hobby.
0:25:04 > 0:25:10Probably within £60,000 - £80,000 on actual dolls.
0:25:10 > 0:25:1580 grand?! If you like plastic women with dead eyes, you should just go on this.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Time for the Good News Story.
0:25:26 > 0:25:31This is a moving report about Harvey Phillips who lost three limbs to meningitis as a baby
0:25:31 > 0:25:33and he's finally taken his first steps.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43Diagnosed with meningitis as a baby, Harvey Phillips had both legs
0:25:43 > 0:25:46and part of his arms amputated to save his life.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Ever since, six-year-old Harvey has spent his life
0:25:49 > 0:25:52trying to be just like his friends.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56Fitted for the first time with fully moving mechanical legs he is setting out on a long road
0:25:56 > 0:26:01to learn how to walk with the help of specialists at the Northern General Hospital in Sheffield
0:26:01 > 0:26:06and with his usual determination he says he can do it in a week.
0:26:06 > 0:26:12It's Harvey, if he wants it, he will do it, basically.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14He's impressing us all.
0:26:14 > 0:26:19With Harvey wanting bendy legs as he called it, we have just gone along
0:26:19 > 0:26:25and he has seen other kids with bendy legs, he wants them.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28It's just Harvey who has pushed and pushed.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36Did you ever envisage you would see him walk like this?
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Not at all.
0:26:45 > 0:26:51Next on his list, perfecting his moves so he can play his favourite sport - football.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54That's what he wants to do in the long run.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59With his new legs, it brings him up to the same height as other kids at school,
0:26:59 > 0:27:03which is a big bonus for Harvey, as well.
0:27:03 > 0:27:04It's looking good.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:12 > 0:27:13What a lovely little fella.
0:27:13 > 0:27:17Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for watching the show, hope you enjoyed it.
0:27:17 > 0:27:18Good night.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:36 > 0:27:39E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk