0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Thank you very much!
0:00:26 > 0:00:32Thank you very much. Thank you. Hello and welcome to Good News.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34So, what have we learnt this week?
0:00:34 > 0:00:37Well, it doesn't take much to make them laugh at Sky News.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Bottoms!
0:00:41 > 0:00:46Blimey, have you seen what Jacqui Smith looks for in a film?
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Anal sex, double penetration, group sex...
0:00:50 > 0:00:53This is one of my favourite clips of all time.
0:00:53 > 0:00:59Check out the advice an old lady gave Ed Miliband on how to deal with the Tories.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04I know, we've got to do something about them, don't we?
0:01:06 > 0:01:09I don't think that's a good idea, but we need to get them out.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12We definitely need to get them out. Take care.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16I've watched this next clip 20 times.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19I still don't know what this man is saying.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23MUMBLING
0:01:32 > 0:01:37The award for the most emotional interview of the week has to go to this guy.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40I grew up here. I live here.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44And...I used to play football here.
0:01:44 > 0:01:49I can't believe anybody's going to close the damn thing down!
0:01:49 > 0:01:53How am I... I couldn't... Oh, shit.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58So, what got him so upset?
0:01:58 > 0:02:00War? Poverty?
0:02:00 > 0:02:01It's got you that upset?
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Oh, yeah. Are you kidding?
0:02:04 > 0:02:06It's, like, stupid.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10Why the hell...why would they shut down this library?
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Well, there's only one story dominating the news.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20Final preparations are taking place ahead of the Royal Wedding tomorrow.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23The Daily Express are trying their hardest to hype the event.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30I'm not so sure about that.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32- What do you think about the Royal Wedding?- I'm not interested.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- Do you have any plans for the day? - Not interested.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36Ask me about the Royal Wedding.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40- What do you think about...? - I don't care. I really don't care.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44- What do you think about the Royal Wedding? - I'm bored out of my mind with it.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Are you? There's too much coverage?
0:02:46 > 0:02:50It's ridiculous. Two young people getting married. So what?
0:02:51 > 0:02:57Isn't she great? She's literally seconds away - "Why don't you just fuck off?"
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Of all the interviews, this is probably my favourite.
0:03:01 > 0:03:06- Am I getting invited?- I don't know, you tell me. Are you waiting for an invitation?- No.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12I love it! "Why aren't I going?" "Do you want to go?" "No.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14"I hate the royals."
0:03:15 > 0:03:18It's a bit over the top, isn't it? When the wedding was announced,
0:03:18 > 0:03:20nobody cared. We don't care about the Royal Family.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22I don't feel connected to them.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26I could not give a shit. What, we get a day off?
0:03:26 > 0:03:31# God save our gracious Queen... #
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Let's have a street party!
0:03:33 > 0:03:37The trouble is, the parties won't be like this.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39# If you got a 50 bill Put your hands up
0:03:39 > 0:03:41# If you got a 20 bill Put your hands up... #
0:03:41 > 0:03:43They'll be like this.
0:03:43 > 0:03:47SILENCE
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Let's be honest, the last thing you want is to get drunk with your neighbours.
0:03:50 > 0:03:55All the grudges come out. It'll start off quite nice. "Hello! A jam and scone, how marvellous!"
0:03:55 > 0:04:02Nine hours later - "Why do you mow the lawn every Saturday at seven in the fucking morning?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06"And I hate your cat.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11"That's why I killed him."
0:04:11 > 0:04:13I didn't really kill a cat.
0:04:14 > 0:04:20If...if you think there's been a lot of media coverage in this country, you should see America.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22- The Royal Wedding... - Hype is reaching fever pitch.
0:04:22 > 0:04:27- The energy is just palpable. - The entire world will be watching... - ..Kate and Will's big day.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30They're obsessed. My favourite has to be ABC News.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34They've employed an Irish guy who just makes stuff up.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36William is a very bad surfer.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39William has one foot that's two sizes bigger than the other.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42The Queen Mother was a big fan of Jamaican ska music.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47He's just making up bollocks!
0:04:47 > 0:04:50"Camilla keeps her otter in her handbag.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53"The Queen only ever eats Monster Munch."
0:04:54 > 0:04:57One of the things that's amazed me about the wedding
0:04:57 > 0:05:01is the sheer quantity of crap memorabilia. These are all real.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05- Royal Wedding Oyster card. - A William and Kate teapot. - White bone china.- A £5 coin.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07- 16-inch doll.- Sick bags.
0:05:07 > 0:05:08Party popper.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11- Garden gnomes. - Pez dispenser.- Place settings.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13- Nail polish.- Pizza.- Teabags.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- Condoms.- Graphic novel.- Snacks.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18And a Royal Wedding cock ring.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27A Royal Wedding cock ring?
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Let's hope they don't use that for the service.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31"Harry!
0:05:31 > 0:05:34"What the hell is this?"
0:05:34 > 0:05:36"Lost it."
0:05:37 > 0:05:41That's not even the weirdest product. Check this out.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51I bet Harry gives some to the corgis. Wouldn't that be great? They're in the garden,
0:05:51 > 0:05:57dragging their wangs in the dirt like a furry Scalextric.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Bit much.
0:06:02 > 0:06:07Now, I think a Viagra beer is madness. You'll have a boner, but you'll also be bursting for a piss.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10The reception toilets will look like this.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18So what else has been going on?
0:06:18 > 0:06:19Well, big political news.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Ed Miliband is having a nose job.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Ed Miliband is to have an operation on his nose
0:06:25 > 0:06:27to rid him of his nasal drawl.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Sky News reporter Peter Spencer slammed him.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32There is much speculation
0:06:32 > 0:06:35about whether it is to make him sound less like a mutant.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41It's like Spencer's had a meltdown.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45"He's a mutant, you're all arseholes and Sky TV can lick my balls.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48"Back to you, Adrian, you fat wanker."
0:06:48 > 0:06:52Apparently, the reason for Miliband having the operation is because
0:06:52 > 0:06:55he wants to sound smoother and more prime-ministerial.
0:06:55 > 0:07:00Wouldn't it be funny if the surgeon was a massive Tory and he ended up sounding like this?
0:07:04 > 0:07:06To be honest, I'm not sure his voice is the problem.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10I think it's that every time you look at him, you can't help but see this.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16In religious news, the Pope's had a big weekend.
0:07:16 > 0:07:22The Pope has taken part in a televised question and answer session this afternoon. It was the first time
0:07:22 > 0:07:25a pontiff has taken questions from the members of the public,
0:07:25 > 0:07:29although they were submitted in advance on a website and then chosen by producers.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Did you watch it? It was so boring.
0:07:32 > 0:07:38They should have got a load of kids, filled them full of Red Bull and let them ask him questions.
0:07:38 > 0:07:44"Mr Pope? If God is everywhere, does that mean He watches me when I do a poo?
0:07:45 > 0:07:47"What a weirdo!"
0:07:47 > 0:07:53"Oh, I've got one. You know Jesus, right? You know Jesus was born on Christmas Day?
0:07:53 > 0:07:57"Does he only get one set of presents?
0:07:57 > 0:08:03"One more! If God loves us, why did he make Justin Bieber?"
0:08:04 > 0:08:07"Look at me, Pope."
0:08:11 > 0:08:16If I could ask the Pope a question, it would simply be "What is going on with these dancers?"
0:08:16 > 0:08:21I've done nothing to this clip. The music and camera shots are exactly what happened.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44In Sporting News, Real Madrid won the Spanish Cup.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Look what happened during the celebrations.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50'During the victory parade through the Spanish capital,
0:08:50 > 0:08:53'Sergio Ramos was showing off the trophy,
0:08:53 > 0:08:55'when suddenly he lost his grip.
0:08:57 > 0:09:02'The unsuspecting driver continued on, leaving the Cup stuck under the bus.'
0:09:02 > 0:09:04What an idiot!
0:09:04 > 0:09:06I mean, you can see how he dropped it.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10It's not as if it's got two massive handles.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13"What can I hold on to?"
0:09:13 > 0:09:17You've got to love Sergio Ramos. Did you see what he said on Twitter?
0:09:21 > 0:09:25He's like a five-year-old stood next to a broken window.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29"It wasn't me! It was the window monster!"
0:09:29 > 0:09:32To be honest, it's not a surprise this happened.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Ramos is pretty clumsy.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Look what he did to a girl at the celebration party.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Sergio Ramos!
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Tell you what, some cracking animal stories knocking around.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57First up, a report about love.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00In a corner of Harrogate, there's an air of sadness.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Do you know why? Isn't he beautiful?
0:10:03 > 0:10:06But Peter the peacock is all alone.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08For the last year, the homeless bird has been wandering
0:10:08 > 0:10:11from street to street, searching for a female companion.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15- AUDIENCE: Aww! - Don't "Aw!" It's brilliant.
0:10:15 > 0:10:19A randy peacock is strutting around Yorkshire.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21"How do, ladies."
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Do you want to see how he tries to pull?
0:10:24 > 0:10:27WOMAN: He just needs somebody with him.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30He just looks for somebody and cries.
0:10:30 > 0:10:35Sometimes it's a hoot, but more than enough, it's a cry like a cat.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39God knows what her cat looks like!
0:10:39 > 0:10:43SQUAWKING
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Imagine going round her house.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47"Do you want to meet me cat?" "That's an elephant."
0:10:49 > 0:10:57"It's a cat. He's got a trunk and tusks... You're right, it is an elephant. Bloody pet shop!
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Tony, you were right.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03"Empty the bath. It's not a goldfish, it's a rhino.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05"We've been diddled."
0:11:05 > 0:11:10Despite the bird's strange squawk, he's made the local grannies swoon.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12He's displaying.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15It's spring, and he's showing his beauty.
0:11:15 > 0:11:16And it is clearly working.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Look what he's been up to with this lady.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22All the girls say to me at work, "You look dreadful this morning."
0:11:22 > 0:11:25"Yes, I've been up with that peacock again!"
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Son of a bitch!
0:11:30 > 0:11:33She's like, "You call him peacock, I call him Thundercock. Oh!"
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Incredibly, she's not alone.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38He's really been putting it about.
0:11:38 > 0:11:43- We all love him, don't we, girls? - Yes!
0:11:43 > 0:11:47Look at that lot! He's like the peacock Wayne Rooney.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Have you heard the latest airline hitting the skies?
0:11:52 > 0:11:55'With competition among airlines as tough as ever,
0:11:55 > 0:11:59it seems some will go to any lengths to attract new customers,
0:11:59 > 0:12:01'even the four-legged variety.
0:12:01 > 0:12:05'Pet Airways is being launched in the US to provide
0:12:05 > 0:12:08'dedicated travel for cats and dogs.'
0:12:08 > 0:12:11That's right, there's an airline for dogs.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Well, some of them were born to fly.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Imagine dogs checking in.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21"Hello, sir, has anyone interfered with your bags?"
0:12:21 > 0:12:24"Yeah, a vet snipped them off when I was a puppy.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31"I thought it was just a day out, and then - fzz - they were gone."
0:12:32 > 0:12:35I'd love to see dogs in the cabin on a reclining seat.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37"This is brilliant!
0:12:37 > 0:12:39"I'm not normally allowed on here!
0:12:39 > 0:12:43"And they're showing Marley And Me."
0:12:43 > 0:12:45A pet airline is pretty ridiculous.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Everywhere you look, animals are getting more and more pampered.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51How long before we see adverts on telly like this?
0:12:51 > 0:12:56'Here at Animal Spa, we offer a range of services.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58'A doggy pedicure,
0:12:58 > 0:13:01'marsupial massage,
0:13:01 > 0:13:06'a pig hot tub and, for those very special occasions,
0:13:06 > 0:13:09'a lemur back, sack and crack wax.'
0:13:16 > 0:13:21Have you heard about the postman in America and his rather unusual delivery?
0:13:21 > 0:13:25We're taking this very seriously, and I want to apologise to our customers.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29Don Derfler certainly got more than a 20 when he was babysitting his son
0:13:29 > 0:13:31and waiting for the mailman.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34I thought he had a bunch of packages for us.
0:13:34 > 0:13:35Oh, it wasn't packages.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Listen to what the postman did.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41He started pulling his pants down and started...defecating.
0:13:41 > 0:13:45That's right, he did a shit on his lawn.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49That's what I call a special delivery.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52So, how did the bloke react? Did he call the police?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54I grabbed my camera and started taking pictures.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59What a filthy pervert!
0:13:59 > 0:14:01"There's a man having a poo!
0:14:01 > 0:14:03"Where's my camera?
0:14:03 > 0:14:06"Oh, that is the stuff!
0:14:06 > 0:14:11"This is going straight on scatmuncher.com."
0:14:11 > 0:14:14This guy's hilarious. Listen to his final complaint.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18This is how... they respect our property?
0:14:18 > 0:14:20That's not right.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22And it's also a biohazard.
0:14:24 > 0:14:29"That's a biohazard. He had a dirty bomb. He was trying to blow my family up with his ass."
0:14:29 > 0:14:34Back in Blighty, have you heard the latest news about William Shakespeare?
0:14:34 > 0:14:36He's getting an R'n'B overhaul.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40A hip-hop production of Shakespeare is opening in east London.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42It's written by two brothers from Chicago.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45What are they going to call it, A Midsummer Night's Drive-by?
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Much A Dizzle About Nizzle?
0:14:47 > 0:14:52Who knows? Here's the writers of the musical. What about this for a quote?
0:14:52 > 0:14:56- If Shakespeare were alive today, he'd be rapping.- Yeah, for sure.
0:14:56 > 0:14:57Of course he would!
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Shakespeare as a rapper - I'd love to see that.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24# Hey, JLS, you can suck my dick
0:15:37 > 0:15:42In the UK, we've had loads of sun. In America, the weather was a tad more aggressive.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Let's bring you some dramatic pictures
0:15:44 > 0:15:47we've just had in from the United States. Look at this.
0:15:47 > 0:15:52Dramatic stuff. It was in the Bowling Green, Missouri area,
0:15:52 > 0:15:54touching down at a farm, destroying a house,
0:15:54 > 0:16:00two barns, flipping over plenty of heavy equipment...
0:16:00 > 0:16:03It wasn't just houses and barns that were destroyed.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06This man suffered a tragic, tragic loss.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08'Eric Hubbard was sitting in a car eating lunch
0:16:08 > 0:16:11'when Friday's tornado came barrelling towards them.'
0:16:11 > 0:16:14It was spinning and it got big going up.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17It hit the ground, and kept coming up. I got out the car.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19I was scared.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21I was eating a hamburger, it took it...
0:16:21 > 0:16:25- It took your hamburger? - I was enjoying it!
0:16:25 > 0:16:29"The damn tornado took my burger!"
0:16:29 > 0:16:33What I love about this guy - he's in the middle of a storm, and he's eating a burger.
0:16:33 > 0:16:37"Oh, my God, a tornado! I'm going to die!
0:16:37 > 0:16:38Oh..."
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Do you reckon he's like that in every life-threatening situation?
0:16:43 > 0:16:46"What's that, Doctor? I've got six months to live?
0:16:51 > 0:16:54"I don't mean to cry, Doctor,
0:16:54 > 0:16:56"but there's no ketchup on this burger."
0:17:00 > 0:17:04It's not been all bad news for him. Since this clip appeared on the news, he's become a celebrity.
0:17:04 > 0:17:09He lost his burger in last Friday's tornado, but found internet fame along the way.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12Eric Hubbard, aka Burger Man.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14He's now called Burger Man.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17A news crew even took him back and bought him a burger.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21Then, out of nowhere, he just started singing.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23# I was just sitting here wondering
0:17:23 > 0:17:28# All I want to do is thank God
0:17:28 > 0:17:29# For my things
0:17:29 > 0:17:34# And having me here today
0:17:34 > 0:17:39# Because that was a shame how that tornado took my burger away...
0:17:39 > 0:17:43APPLAUSE DROWNS LYRICS # ..It took it all away from me
0:17:43 > 0:17:49# Oh, oh, oh, oh, whoah, whoah!
0:17:49 > 0:17:53# And I also want to thank my friends
0:17:53 > 0:17:56# For bringing me here today
0:17:56 > 0:17:59# Cos you didn't have to do it
0:17:59 > 0:18:05# All I want to say is thank you Thank you, thank you, thank you
0:18:05 > 0:18:06# Hm, ohh
0:18:06 > 0:18:09# Hm, hm, hm. #
0:18:14 > 0:18:19This is the part of the show I genuinely don't know anything about.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22There'll be a mystery guest who's been in the news, and I have to
0:18:22 > 0:18:24figure out who that person is. Please welcome my mystery guest!
0:18:24 > 0:18:30# School's out for summer...
0:18:30 > 0:18:31Hello.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35# School's out for ever... #
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Hello.
0:18:37 > 0:18:38Hello.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40How do you do? William Hanson.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42- William Henderson? - Hanson.- Hanson, I apologise.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45- Don't worry.- You weren't the fourth member of the boy band?
0:18:45 > 0:18:48- No, that's the bane of my life. - OK, sorry.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52So I imagine it has something to do with education.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Yes, you could say that.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58It would appear to be. It seems to be quite an old-fashioned place you work?
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- Yes, it's perceived to be.- Right.
0:19:01 > 0:19:07Do you want to give me any other clues, other than it feels like I'll get caned at any second?
0:19:07 > 0:19:10Well...
0:19:10 > 0:19:15- Think topically. We have a very big event coming up.- Oh, right.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Were you William's teacher?
0:19:17 > 0:19:21- No...- Kate's teacher? - No, I'm far too young for that.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Although...
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Did you once creep into their playground?
0:19:26 > 0:19:31- No, but...- Thank God for that. - Think about what governs their life. You're on the right lines.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34- Money.- No.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36What governs their life? Tradition.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Yes, we're on the right lines, think about their behaviour.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42- Do you belong to a finishing school? - Yes.- Ah, sweet.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45- I am Britain's youngest etiquette expert.- Ah!
0:19:45 > 0:19:49Of course, we have the Royal Wedding tomorrow,
0:19:49 > 0:19:51and I've been in the news telling people what to do
0:19:51 > 0:19:54at the wedding and how to behave around the Royal Family.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56There you go, ladies and gentlemen.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02So how should we correctly... Shall we fist bump?
0:20:02 > 0:20:05- Well, no...- Is that good etiquette?
0:20:05 > 0:20:08- You've just put your hat down. - Gentlemen don't wear hats indoors.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11- I've heard that.- I'm going to talk to you first
0:20:11 > 0:20:14about princely behaviour, how to behave like a prince.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16- Am I getting a horse?- No,
0:20:16 > 0:20:21health and safety wouldn't allow it. We're now going to stand correctly,
0:20:21 > 0:20:23because posture is very important.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Face the audience, please.
0:20:25 > 0:20:30Now, you have quite good posture, but your shoulders should be back a bit.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34Lift your head up. No, no. You want to be looking above people's heads.
0:20:34 > 0:20:38- When you talk to somebody, look them in the eye.- I can't do that.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Well, try.
0:20:44 > 0:20:48I can't. I've tried all my life. It just wonders off, mate.
0:20:48 > 0:20:52OK, so we've got posture. I want you to maintain good posture throughout this lesson.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55- Stand on your mark and turn towards me.- Where's my mark?
0:20:55 > 0:20:58- Just here. We're going to do how to shake a hand.- OK.
0:20:58 > 0:21:02As a member of the Royal Family, you've got to shake people's hands.
0:21:02 > 0:21:07We should stress, if we were a "commoner", not a member of the Royal Family, then...
0:21:07 > 0:21:10- BOOING That's the official term. - Is that right?
0:21:10 > 0:21:14House of Commons and all that, no-one with a title, then you don't shake their...
0:21:14 > 0:21:18- You don't shake their hand! - No, unless...- Ugh!
0:21:18 > 0:21:21"Get the wet wipes, it's a chav!"
0:21:24 > 0:21:30- What do you do? - Well, they put their hand out to you, and then you shake their hand.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33So I, as the lower guy, would just go, "Hello!"
0:21:33 > 0:21:38Only if the Queen or Prince William or whoever it should be puts their hand out first.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42- So you be the Queen, I'll be me, in Tesco or something.- OK.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46Hey! I know you. Slam it. Cheers, babes.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48What's in your basket?
0:21:49 > 0:21:51- How can you eat that many crisps? - No, Russell...
0:21:53 > 0:21:59- It's just crisps. This woman's got...- Russell...- I've never seen so much Monster Munch in my life!
0:21:59 > 0:22:02You said, "Slam it!"
0:22:03 > 0:22:06That's not etiquette at all.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10That's horrendous. Let's step back a bit.
0:22:10 > 0:22:15Another royal duty we're going to do is waving, as there's a lot of waving. Now, wave to the audience.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Show me how you'd do it.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22That's fine, the audience are waving back.
0:22:22 > 0:22:26That was a little bit too ferocious. As a member...
0:22:26 > 0:22:31Has anyone ever complained of that? "I've been waved at ferociously!"
0:22:31 > 0:22:34That's wanking.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37That's a ferocious wave!
0:22:37 > 0:22:40- What's the etiquette for that? - Remember...
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Palm, eyes...
0:22:47 > 0:22:50- Sorry.- Are you left or right-handed?- Right-handed.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Right, so dominant hand, and it's just back and forth, a gentle motion.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Dignified, nothing too wild and manic.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Audience, wave back, please, properly.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Very good.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06- That's nice. - We've got a very good audience.
0:23:06 > 0:23:10OK, so, with a little bit of polish...
0:23:10 > 0:23:12# We can make it through the night. #
0:23:12 > 0:23:17You never know. You might. They are princesses available, Princess Beatrice and Eugenie.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20We might have the wedding of Princess Beatrice and Russell Howard.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23I've met her. My brother genuinely offered her Vaseline,
0:23:23 > 0:23:25for, um... No, no, no!
0:23:25 > 0:23:30He did it the correct way. Open, twist, move.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33It was before the London Marathon and you chafe terribly.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36He went, "Would you like some?" And actually, she was very...
0:23:36 > 0:23:39Da, da da da.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Da da da da da da.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Lovely, well, that's one for dinner parties.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46APPLAUSE
0:23:50 > 0:23:53It's been lovely meeting you. I really enjoyed that.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57- My pleasure.- Let's do the handshake properly.- Yes, very good. Posture. Don't lean.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59- Let me give you one.- OK.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01- Hold it like that, and just go... - CLICK!
0:24:01 > 0:24:03- Oh!- That's nice, isn't it?
0:24:04 > 0:24:08Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for my mystery guest!
0:24:12 > 0:24:15Next up, a story about a Good Samaritan gone wrong.
0:24:15 > 0:24:20'Paying it forward for Danielle Michoud got her stuck learning a tough lesson.
0:24:20 > 0:24:25'She and her husband tried to help a woman locked out of her car in this Walgreens parking lot'.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28The sunroof was open about three-quarters of the way.
0:24:28 > 0:24:32I was the smallest of the three of us. I offered to climb in.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35I almost had it, and then I hit my ribs and I couldn't go any further.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37I could not go up or down.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41Basically, the poor woman got stuck in the sunroof.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45A few of you are laughing. You're probably thinking
0:24:45 > 0:24:47"I guess someone stopped to help her."
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Oh, no. A crowd gathered...
0:24:49 > 0:24:52and look what they did.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55They were taking pictures. They were filming, they were laughing.
0:24:55 > 0:25:01Taking pictures? Who would take a picture of someone straining through a small hole?
0:25:01 > 0:25:04At that point, I grabbed my camera...
0:25:04 > 0:25:08It's pretty harsh, innit, taking a photo of a trapped woman?
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Mind you, sometimes when people get stuck, you have to take a photo.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17"Help, I'm stuck in me cat!"
0:25:25 > 0:25:26Tonight's story is beautiful.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29It's about a six-year-old kid called Jack Henderson
0:25:29 > 0:25:33who uses his love of art to raise money for sick children.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Today, I'm going to draw
0:25:35 > 0:25:37a rainbow with two dogs.
0:25:38 > 0:25:43'Jack Henderson is gifted at drawing, and he likes nothing better
0:25:43 > 0:25:46'than to break out the felt tip pens and get creative.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49'But he also wanted more.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51'To give more, that is.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56'Jack's younger brother Noah, seen here on the right, has had respiratory problems,
0:25:56 > 0:25:59'and been in and out of Edinburgh's Sick Kids Hospital.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03'Jack decided to raise money for the hospital, selling his drawings.
0:26:03 > 0:26:08'His dad built him an online page, jackdrawsanything.com.
0:26:08 > 0:26:14His parents expected a few commissions from friends and family for a few pounds. They were wrong.
0:26:14 > 0:26:18We set a target of £100, and we thought it'd take a few weeks
0:26:18 > 0:26:21and family and friends would all donate, and Jack would do a picture.
0:26:21 > 0:26:26By about two o'clock in the afternoon, we'd already achieved over the £100 target.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29We set the target again to £500 on Tuesday,
0:26:29 > 0:26:31and he got through that by midnight,
0:26:31 > 0:26:34and the target keeps rising and rising.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36'Despite orders from around the world,
0:26:36 > 0:26:40'Jack's parents say they'll soon have to stop taking commissions,
0:26:40 > 0:26:44'not least because Jack remains determined to become a fireman, not a painter.'
0:26:44 > 0:26:49Thanks for raising all the money for the Sick Kids. See you soon.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53Ladies and gentlemen, thanks very much for watching Good News. Good night.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd