0:00:01 > 0:00:08This programme contains strong language.
0:00:23 > 0:00:24APPLAUSE
0:00:24 > 0:00:27Thank you very much!
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Hello and welcome to Good News.
0:00:31 > 0:00:36Tell you what, Jim White was impressed when he met Jordan...
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Wow! Seriously! They're that size! LAUGHTER
0:00:40 > 0:00:44BBC North-West's Diane Oxberry told us why she doesn't trust old people.
0:00:44 > 0:00:49One pooed on me when I was a kid and I've never forgiven them.
0:00:49 > 0:00:54And I'm not sure Bryan Appleyard is as smart as Jeremy Paxman thinks.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58Bryan Appleyard - you're a clever guy, wouldn't you rather be cleverer?
0:00:58 > 0:01:02I don't know what that means.
0:01:02 > 0:01:06On ITV, they had a man with a hand growing out of his back.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09I'm not a water specialist, I wouldn't go in myself.
0:01:09 > 0:01:13And finally, if you're interviewing the Dalai Lama,
0:01:13 > 0:01:15don't try to tell him a joke.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop...
0:01:18 > 0:01:20HE SPEAKS TIBETAN
0:01:20 > 0:01:22- Pizza?- Pizza shop, yes...
0:01:22 > 0:01:28Pizza shop. And says, can you make me one with everything...
0:01:29 > 0:01:32OK!
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Oh, yes. Ha!
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Do you know what I mean?
0:01:37 > 0:01:42Can you make me... one...with everything.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Theoretically possible.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Oh, I knew that wouldn't work!
0:01:54 > 0:01:58In political news, Silvio Berlusconi has resigned.
0:01:58 > 0:02:03After nearly a decade in power, served over three separate terms,
0:02:03 > 0:02:05time has finally run out for Silvio Berlusconi.
0:02:05 > 0:02:10That's right, he's resigned to spend more time with his loved ones -
0:02:10 > 0:02:14by which he means... his cock and balls.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18He's most famous for his bunga bunga parties. According to Silvio...
0:02:22 > 0:02:24That's not what I heard...
0:02:29 > 0:02:33If that's how he dances, I'd hate to see him on Strictly.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Nice to see you, to...
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Ah...!
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Somebody get him some armbands!
0:02:40 > 0:02:43It's amazing it took this long for him to go.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45He's said some outrageous things.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48TRANSLATION: If I look a beautiful girl in the face,
0:02:48 > 0:02:52it's better to like beautiful girls than to be gay.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56I mean, yeah, I've had parties with prostitutes,
0:02:56 > 0:03:00but at least I'm not a bum lord!
0:03:00 > 0:03:04Towards the end, his attempts to stay in power just got crazy.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Did you see what he tried to rename his party?
0:03:12 > 0:03:16It's like the Lib Dems turning round and going,
0:03:16 > 0:03:19"We are the Minge-Hunters!"
0:03:19 > 0:03:23On top of that, look who he compared himself to...
0:03:23 > 0:03:26In 2006, he was quoted as calling himself
0:03:26 > 0:03:29the Jesus of politics.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32What, because he hung out with prostitutes?
0:03:32 > 0:03:36That would have changed the Bible. "What are you doing?
0:03:36 > 0:03:40"You're meant to feed the five thousand, not shag 'em!"
0:03:40 > 0:03:42I'll tell you who won't miss Berlusconi -
0:03:42 > 0:03:46Germany's Angela Merkel - they didn't exactly get on.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Silvio Berlusconi failed to greet his host
0:03:49 > 0:03:51because he was on the phone.
0:03:51 > 0:03:56Berlusconi was still on his call as leaders crossed the bridge.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58But if that was bad,
0:03:58 > 0:04:02look what the silver-tongued charmer called her later...
0:04:07 > 0:04:12That's pretty rich, considering he looks like Mr Toad.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15This was the big show biz news of the week...
0:04:15 > 0:04:19After weeks of bad performances, bad feedback
0:04:19 > 0:04:23and bad hair, Frankie Cocozza's run on The X Factor has come to an end.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Did you see the moment the news broke?
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Frankie Cocozza has left ITV's The X Factor.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32CROWD ERUPTS
0:04:32 > 0:04:35So, why has he been booted off the show?
0:04:37 > 0:04:40The only white powder he needs is delouser.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43It wasn't drugs he boasted about...
0:04:46 > 0:04:50How? He looks like an alcoholic weasel!
0:04:50 > 0:04:54His jeans are so tight, when he gets his cock out,
0:04:54 > 0:04:57it must be like road kill.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03I don't care if he took drugs. If I was in charge of The X Factor,
0:05:03 > 0:05:07I'd have them all on drugs - at least it would be interesting.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Imagine Louis Walsh watching this on acid...
0:05:10 > 0:05:13# You fall in love, zing, boom
0:05:13 > 0:05:17# The sky up above, zing, boom...
0:05:17 > 0:05:21"I don't like the rabbit, Gary!"
0:05:21 > 0:05:24"Don't worry, Louis!"
0:05:24 > 0:05:26"Now the whole world has slowed down!"
0:05:26 > 0:05:28SLOWLY: "No, Louis.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32"This is just how I talk."
0:05:32 > 0:05:36The most frightening development of this story,
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Frankie is planning to bring out an album.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Yeah. This guy's seen a copy of the video.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Aaaaagh!
0:05:48 > 0:05:51In sport, it's sad news for Geordies...
0:05:51 > 0:05:55What's in a name? If you're a Newcastle United fan, quite a lot.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59After almost 120 years, St James' Park will now be called
0:05:59 > 0:06:02the Sports Direct Arena.
0:06:02 > 0:06:03The fans were livid.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07Who's going to refer to it as anything other than St James' Park?
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- What passion! - LAUGHTER
0:06:10 > 0:06:15The ground is called St James' and nothing will make him change his mind.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17What if it brings in some money for new players?
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Aye, well, that'd be all right, like.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Fuck it, man, if we buy Wayne Rooney,
0:06:22 > 0:06:25you can have a jump on me mum!
0:06:25 > 0:06:29Most of the supporters were furious, but here's a tip.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32If you want to get your point across, don't dress as a barcode.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35We fill his pockets to come to the matches every weekend
0:06:35 > 0:06:36and he's doing this.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40No-one's taking us seriously. Cos you look like a badger's nut-sack!
0:06:42 > 0:06:45From football to the Olympics and bad news for flashers.
0:06:45 > 0:06:49If you streak at the 2012 Olympics, there could be costly repercussions.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Damn right, have you seen this?
0:06:56 > 0:07:00Don't stop streaking! Streaking's wonderful!
0:07:00 > 0:07:04Whose life isn't brightened up by seeing this?
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Some brilliant crime stories this week.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18First, a story from Huddersfield about an idiot.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30How thick can you get?!
0:07:30 > 0:07:32"Mum, look, I've got an iPad."
0:07:33 > 0:07:36"Dave, that's a potato."
0:07:36 > 0:07:37"Right, I'm phoning the police."
0:07:37 > 0:07:40"They're not answering, Mum."
0:07:40 > 0:07:43"Dave, you're holding a carrot."
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Unbelievably, in case anyone else was fooled,
0:07:48 > 0:07:51look at the handy diagram the Yorkshire Post printed.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54LAUGHTER
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Like there's going to be people going, "Oh, right!
0:07:58 > 0:08:03"I thought this shepherd's pie tasted a bit iPad-y!"
0:08:03 > 0:08:05So, who was selling these iPotatoes?
0:08:11 > 0:08:13I think we all know who that was.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16LAUGHTER
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Mind you, if you think mistaking an iPad for a potato is thick,
0:08:19 > 0:08:22check out this criminal trying to evade the police.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25When he ran from police, the suspect climbed onto a roof.
0:08:25 > 0:08:30Instead of giving up, he started jumping from roof to roof, trying to get away from police.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Surely they'll never catch that unstoppable ninja...!
0:08:33 > 0:08:37Seconds later, he came down.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42LAUGHTER
0:08:43 > 0:08:46Trip...over...car.
0:08:48 > 0:08:52My favourite crime story of the week has to be this belter from Rotherham.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55An old lady has been the victim of a strange burglary.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57The moral of this story is do not mess
0:08:57 > 0:09:01with 79-year-old Barbara Gamston and keep your hands off her meerkats.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Back where they belong, in the arms of Barbara.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07This trio of meerkats mean a lot to her.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11Someone has stolen an old lady's plastic meerkats.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15Look at the blow the budget Hollywood-style way
0:09:15 > 0:09:17they show this terrible crime.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19And, unbeknownst to Barbara,
0:09:19 > 0:09:21spirited away to a house a couple of miles away.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24But a tip-off from a friend led her to them.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26They sellotaped it to a camera.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29If you think the way they showed it was good,
0:09:29 > 0:09:35check out what Barbara said when she found out someone had nicked her beloved meerkats.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39When my daughter came, she said, "Mother, your meerkats have gone."
0:09:39 > 0:09:43So, I politely said, "Blow me."
0:09:43 > 0:09:45LAUGHTER
0:09:52 > 0:09:54"Well, we can do that, Mum,
0:09:54 > 0:09:57"but we should probably just get the meerkats back."
0:09:57 > 0:10:02It's such an amazing reaction to a crisis. "The meerkats are gone!" "Blow me."
0:10:02 > 0:10:04So, where were the meerkats?
0:10:04 > 0:10:08It turns out they were spotted in a garden three miles away.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Check out what this wonderful woman did to get them back.
0:10:16 > 0:10:22An SAS raid?! "Margaret, cover me. Linda, fetch the zip wire!
0:10:22 > 0:10:26"If I die, tell Titchmarsh I loved him."
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Despite her plan, there was a tragic incident.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Sadly, not all of them made it. The trio was once a quartet.
0:10:33 > 0:10:38One meerkat was chewed to pieces by an unfriendly dog during the escapade.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42"Nooooo!
0:10:42 > 0:10:48"They've got Roger! I loved you so much, Roger."
0:10:48 > 0:10:53"I loved you too, but I fear death has come for me."
0:10:53 > 0:10:57"You can't die, Roger, you can't die!
0:10:57 > 0:11:03"Don't tell the others, but I think you were my favourite."
0:11:03 > 0:11:06"Barbara, have you learned nothing?
0:11:07 > 0:11:09"You must never compare the meerkats."
0:11:09 > 0:11:12LAUGHTER
0:11:12 > 0:11:15APPLAUSE
0:11:23 > 0:11:27"Have we taught you nothing, Barbara?"
0:11:27 > 0:11:32"Is there anything I can do for you, Roger, before you die?
0:11:32 > 0:11:35"Blow me."
0:11:35 > 0:11:38To be honest, we shouldn't feel sorry for Roger.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41I found some extra footage from the news
0:11:41 > 0:11:44and before the dog got him, he had quite the adventure.
0:11:49 > 0:11:50Not tonight, pal.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Argh!
0:11:54 > 0:11:57MUSIC POUNDS
0:12:12 > 0:12:15# Ass, titties, ass and titties
0:12:15 > 0:12:18# Ass, ass, titties, titties
0:12:18 > 0:12:19# Ass and titties. #
0:12:19 > 0:12:21APPLAUSE
0:12:24 > 0:12:27Over in Canada, love is in the air.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30The relationship that's formed between a pair of penguins
0:12:30 > 0:12:33at a zoo in Canada is drawing attention from around the world.
0:12:33 > 0:12:38Buddy and Pedro make mating calls to each other, groom each other and hang out together.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41Some are referring to the two male penguins as a gay couple.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Toronto Zoo has a couple of gay penguins.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47Look at the way it was covered by Taiwanese news.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Like many animals, Buddy and Pedro are gay.
0:12:50 > 0:12:51# Hello
0:12:53 > 0:12:57# Is it me you're looking for?
0:12:57 > 0:13:00# I can see it in your eyes
0:13:00 > 0:13:05# I can see it in your smile. #
0:13:05 > 0:13:07That... That was on the news!
0:13:07 > 0:13:11They're really going for it aren't they?
0:13:12 > 0:13:16- Maybe that explains the way penguins walk. - LAUGHTER
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Ohhhhh!
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Ohhhh.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26Luckily they're surrounded by ice. Tssss!
0:13:26 > 0:13:30Unfortunately, there's been some heartbreaking news for Buddy and Pedro.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36It's so sad, innit?
0:13:36 > 0:13:40Apparently, a Hollywood film is already planned.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC
0:13:46 > 0:13:49LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Finally in this section, let's pop over to Russia.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58It's hard to believe this road in Moscow, Russia
0:13:58 > 0:14:01was the scene of complete chaos on Sunday.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Chaos? Bloody roadworks, I suppose.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06A drunken, naked motorist sped through the city,
0:14:06 > 0:14:09crashing into 17 cars.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12That is how you lose your licence!
0:14:12 > 0:14:13"I was doing 34 in a 30."
0:14:13 > 0:14:18- "I drive car with dick!" - LAUGHTER
0:14:19 > 0:14:23"I make new game, Grand Theft Sex Pest."
0:14:23 > 0:14:24"Hurgh!"
0:14:27 > 0:14:30- Luckily... - LAUGHTER
0:14:30 > 0:14:32I don't know what that was, right?
0:14:32 > 0:14:37Luckily, nobody was hurt. So, what happened to this bloke when the police caught him?
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Did they put him in jail?
0:14:39 > 0:14:42No, they laid him on the floor like a shaved bear.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45LAUGHTER
0:14:47 > 0:14:51Look at him! He's like Mr Blobby's pissed brother.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55In fairness, you do get a little crazy after an accident.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Check out this bloke from Arizona.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01This has to be the most animated description of a prang ever.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04All of a sudden, I was just minding my own business. Bam!
0:15:04 > 0:15:07Hit me hard, right in the back. I was glued in my seat.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11I could see the car in front of me and I was about to hit him,
0:15:11 > 0:15:12so I veered off this way.
0:15:12 > 0:15:16Boom, boom, fire, smoke, everything. It made a big, loud noise like boom!
0:15:16 > 0:15:20The wires came down, then arc, fire was coming out.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Sparking, blowing up.
0:15:22 > 0:15:26It was like a big rainbow, boom, it was like boom, boom!
0:15:26 > 0:15:30APPLAUSE
0:15:33 > 0:15:36This has to be the strangest fight ever.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40Brandon Parham is the manager of The Wireless Center on Pearl Road.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44Last week, he witnessed their mascot, a gorilla, getting jumped.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48A mobile phone company gorilla mascot was attacked. Pretty funny.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Funnier when you find out who jumped him.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56A man dressed as a gorilla was attacked by a man
0:15:56 > 0:15:58dressed as a banana.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Listen to the way the shop manager describes the tussle.
0:16:01 > 0:16:06The kid in mid-air, flying like a Spartan from 300, kind of.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Except he was a banana.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10LAUGHTER
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Brilliant. This poor bloke just can't get his head around it.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15The gorilla will recover.
0:16:15 > 0:16:20As for The Wireless Center, they think the whole situation is...
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Bizarre. I guess.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26Not...normal of the food chain.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28LAUGHTER
0:16:30 > 0:16:31Tell me about it, mate.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34It's a nightmare when your food fights back.
0:16:39 > 0:16:44Next up, I challenge you to find a weirder relationship story than this.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51A bloke in Zimbabwe slept with a prostitute
0:16:51 > 0:16:53and she turned out to be a donkey.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Should've gone to Specsavers!
0:16:58 > 0:17:02Imagine the police reporting the crime!
0:17:02 > 0:17:08"Sarge, we've got a criminal here. What's he doing?
0:17:08 > 0:17:10"Have you ever played Buckaroo?"
0:17:10 > 0:17:12LAUGHTER
0:17:12 > 0:17:15"Yeah, well, he's not doing that, he's fucking it."
0:17:15 > 0:17:17LAUGHTER
0:17:17 > 0:17:19"No, you hang up."
0:17:19 > 0:17:21The best bit about this story...
0:17:21 > 0:17:24the excuse the bloke gave when he was caught.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30I think you're also a bullshitter!
0:17:30 > 0:17:34That's the worst excuse ever. Somebody caught stealing biscuits...
0:17:34 > 0:17:36"Why are you stealing the biscuits?"
0:17:36 > 0:17:39- "Cos I'm a biscuit?" - LAUGHTER
0:17:39 > 0:17:43It's shocking, innit? You should never play with an animal for pleasure.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Well, unless it's this...
0:17:53 > 0:17:56This is the part of the show I don't know anything about -
0:17:56 > 0:17:58a mystery guest who's been in the news.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00I have to figure out who that person is.
0:18:00 > 0:18:01Please welcome my mystery guest.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:11 > 0:18:13- Hello.- Hello, Russell. - Nice to meet you.- And you, sir.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16- What's your name? - My name's Rocky Taylor.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20- Rocky Taylor!- Yeah.- Does Rocky have anything to do with why you're here?
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Looks like it's got something to do with memorabilia.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Yes, sir.
0:18:25 > 0:18:29Do you have the world record for the most film memorabilia in the world?
0:18:29 > 0:18:33I have just won the Guinness Book Of Record, but not for this.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36- Are those Sugar Puffs?- Yeah. Oh, that's a little clue for you.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39- I was the original Honey Monster. - You were the original Honey Monster?!
0:18:39 > 0:18:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Tell them about the honey, Mummy!
0:18:46 > 0:18:48I thought that was Pat Butcher(!)
0:18:48 > 0:18:53- LAUGHTER There's been a lot more since, but I was the original.- What was the line?
0:18:53 > 0:18:57- People probably didn't hear that. - Tell them about the honey, Mummy.
0:18:57 > 0:19:01- Have you ever used that line in your personal life?- No, sir!
0:19:04 > 0:19:07- Is that why you've been in the news? - Sort of why,
0:19:07 > 0:19:11but that's not the reason for being in the news.
0:19:11 > 0:19:17- You've been an extra?- Not an extra. - Have you been in all these films? - I have been in all these films.
0:19:17 > 0:19:22- You're going to have to give me a clue.- I'm going to show you something later, a fight scene.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25You're going to be involved with me in a fight scene.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27- You're a stuntman?- Yes.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31Are you the world's... You're the most stunts ever.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33LAUGHTER No.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36You've not... Just fucking tell me, man!
0:19:36 > 0:19:40I'm the most experienced stuntman around at the moment.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43This is my 50th year as a stunt performer and stunt coordinator.
0:19:43 > 0:19:47- That's worth a round of applause. - APPLAUSE
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Can I have a look at you in action?
0:19:53 > 0:19:55What we're going to do, if you don't mind,
0:19:55 > 0:19:58is we're going to make you have a little fight scene with me.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02A fight scene? Well, it's about time we did that(!)
0:20:02 > 0:20:05- There's a clip we'll show you. - Sweet, let's have a look.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08THEME MUSIC FROM JAMES BOND
0:20:27 > 0:20:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:30 > 0:20:34We're going to show you a bit of fighting that goes on in the film business.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36They call it our bread and butter money.
0:20:36 > 0:20:41- That sounds fun. Where shall we start?- Start here. I'll throw a punch to you
0:20:41 > 0:20:45and your head has to go that way as the fist comes by.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48- OK.- Bang. Now, you watch this, ladies and gentlemen.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Now, watch that quick. Bang!
0:20:51 > 0:20:53- That looks like I've hit you, right?- Yeah.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56So, the first one is that. You're going to do that to me as well.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00That one, then we're going to come into there, that one.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02- You have to then fold up. - I have to go ohhh!
0:21:02 > 0:21:04And your feet come off the ground.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07That's it, as if you've been hurt.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10- OK.- So, we'll do that in two?- Yes.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12One, slowly, bang. And then bang.
0:21:12 > 0:21:13LAUGHTER
0:21:13 > 0:21:16You do it to me. Just come into here.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Ooof!
0:21:18 > 0:21:24Right? Do it again. Put it in, but just pull it when you hit me.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27That's it, that's good. Argh!
0:21:27 > 0:21:28That's good. Do it again.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32Argh, yes! Good.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36This one, you're going to go bang into there. No, this one first.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38- Like that.- And then across.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41- All right.- Right, do that. Oof, ooh, that's good!
0:21:41 > 0:21:43- There you go.- Right, good?
0:21:43 > 0:21:44I enjoyed that, yeah.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47- Grab that bottle. See that bottle?- Yeah!
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Grab that, not too tight, else it'll break.
0:21:50 > 0:21:55- Then you hit me here... - Oh, right, so I start it? - ..with that part of the bottle.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57- Yeah.- All right? So, put that back.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59- Fine. - So, this is how we're going to start.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01- I'm going to come into you.- Yeah.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03Bang. Then I pick up the bottle,
0:22:03 > 0:22:09- you turn away as if you're going to walk out the door.- Swagger.
0:22:09 > 0:22:15- And I crash you.- Yeah, fine. - Then, after you've had that, you run and pick that up.- Yeah.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17See? You hit me, on the back, with that.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19So, it's like there...
0:22:19 > 0:22:23- Like that, crack.- Yeah, yeah. - All right?- Yeah, great.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26I go down to here.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29It's like the biggest fight ever!
0:22:29 > 0:22:31I'm going to come up, grab you, and I go, "Yes!"
0:22:31 > 0:22:35And you're going to go backwards, like that, crash.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38- OK.- And land on your bum.- Right.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42- LAUGHTER - Let's do it, sod it.- Sure?- Yeah.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:48 > 0:22:49Get warmed up... Oh!
0:22:49 > 0:22:51THUD!
0:22:51 > 0:22:53LAUGHTER
0:22:59 > 0:23:01- Have you hurt yourself?- Yeah.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08Ah, man! Argh!
0:23:08 > 0:23:10I think I broken my finger, man, that really hurt!
0:23:12 > 0:23:15I was going to try and do a press-up on it.
0:23:15 > 0:23:19- Fucking hell, that really hurts! - You want to go and see the medic?
0:23:19 > 0:23:22I'll be all right, fine. It's going to have to be right-handed.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24LAUGHTER
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Ai-ai-ai, I think I've broken my finger.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30- Yeah. Sorry.- Sorry about that!
0:23:30 > 0:23:33I'll be back in a minute, I've just fucked myself up.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:23:46 > 0:23:50So... Hey, you, I've told you, stop looking at my old woman. I mean it.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54- I'm going to throw you through that window.- She's looking at me, though.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56LAUGHTER
0:23:56 > 0:24:00- I'm telling you, don't do it! - Tell her, tell her!
0:24:01 > 0:24:05- Don't tell me, you son of a bitch! - Argh!
0:24:05 > 0:24:06Oof!
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Ooh!
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Crazy son of a bitch!
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Ow!
0:24:27 > 0:24:28Argh!
0:24:30 > 0:24:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Victory!
0:24:42 > 0:24:46Ladies and gentlemen, my mystery guest, the wonderful Rocky!
0:24:46 > 0:24:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Have a look at this story about a group of eco warriors
0:24:55 > 0:24:57who make you proud to be British.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00The spotlight is still on the small village
0:25:00 > 0:25:04near Scarborough where the costly battle for one tree goes on.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07There's a group of protesters who are tying to save a tree.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09I think the tree's going to survive,
0:25:09 > 0:25:12because you rarely see commitment this inspiring.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Are you prepared to break the law?
0:25:15 > 0:25:18Well, we'll see, we'll see.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20So you're not saying no?
0:25:21 > 0:25:22And I'm not saying yes.
0:25:22 > 0:25:26Defiance!
0:25:26 > 0:25:29He's not the only brave soldier willing to risk his life.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32What are you going to do if someone says,
0:25:32 > 0:25:35"You've got to get out, we're here with the chainsaw."?
0:25:35 > 0:25:40Well, I'll obviously get out. I'm not going to get squashed or flattened.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42I'm not stupid.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44He's such a hero!
0:25:44 > 0:25:46With passionate warriors like him,
0:25:46 > 0:25:49there's no way that tree is going to be chopped down!
0:25:49 > 0:25:50In fact, one day,
0:25:50 > 0:25:54I'm going to take my grandchildren to see that very tree.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56And, just over an hour ago,
0:25:56 > 0:26:00the beech tree hit the ground with an almighty thud.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Fuck it, Disneyland it is.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06So, what's going to happen to this fallen tree?
0:26:06 > 0:26:10Some of the protesters here today has asked for part of the trunk to be saved for them.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14They want to turn it into a sculpture or perhaps a memorial plaque.
0:26:14 > 0:26:15I've seen the sculpture.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18LAUGHTER
0:26:18 > 0:26:21This is the most surprising statistic I've learnt this week.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Who took the cheese?
0:26:23 > 0:26:27That's the question a lot of retail stores are asking.
0:26:27 > 0:26:32A new study found that cheese is the most stolen food in the world.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Police are looking for suspects.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36I bet these two are shitting themselves.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39LAUGHTER
0:26:39 > 0:26:43Do you reckon there's criminal gangs? "Did you get the diamonds?"
0:26:43 > 0:26:45"No, I got a Dairylea Dunker."
0:26:45 > 0:26:48I'll tell you what, if gangs are stealing cheese,
0:26:48 > 0:26:51there's going to be some confusion.
0:26:51 > 0:26:58You idiot! I told you to get me a Mini Babybel!
0:26:59 > 0:27:01CLANG!
0:27:06 > 0:27:09Tonight's story is about a project called Playing For Change
0:27:09 > 0:27:13that uses music to connect and help people all around the world.
0:27:13 > 0:27:17Ten years ago, Grammy-Award-winning music producer Mark Johnson
0:27:17 > 0:27:21had an idea that began with one powerful voice.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23# Stand by me
0:27:23 > 0:27:26# No matter who you are. #
0:27:26 > 0:27:28He had so much soul in his voice.
0:27:28 > 0:27:32I said to him, "With a voice like yours, why are you singing on the street?"
0:27:32 > 0:27:38And he said, "Cos, man, I'm in the joy business. I come out here to bring joy to the people."
0:27:38 > 0:27:42And that was a great start for a project to try to connect the world.
0:27:42 > 0:27:46A voice like Roger, a song like Stand By Me and a man in the joy business.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49On a shoestring budget, Mark travelled the world,
0:27:49 > 0:27:52recording little-known musicians.
0:27:52 > 0:27:56Some he found in places where music was a refuge from hardship and war.
0:27:56 > 0:28:02He called his project Playing For Change.
0:28:02 > 0:28:08The project is also building and funding music schools in places
0:28:08 > 0:28:11where Mark found his street musicians.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14My theory of music is if you provide people with the opportunity
0:28:14 > 0:28:18to listen, they can use music as a tool to make their lives better,
0:28:18 > 0:28:21to connect to other people, and to enjoy their lives.
0:28:21 > 0:28:25Great, wasn't it? Thanks very much for watching Good News. Goodnight.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:46 > 0:28:50Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:50 > 0:28:54E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk