0:00:15 > 0:00:21This programme contains some strong language and adult humour.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Thank you very much.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Hello and welcome to Good News.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Hope you've had a good week. So what's been happening? Is it me,
0:00:35 > 0:00:39or is the sexual tension on BBC Breakfast getting too much?
0:00:39 > 0:00:40Are you packing heat?
0:00:40 > 0:00:43- I am carrying.- Are you?
0:00:43 > 0:00:45LAUGHTER
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Get a room!
0:00:47 > 0:00:50Mark Longhurst revealed what he shouts at the point of orgasm.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52In the back of the net!
0:00:53 > 0:00:57Last week I broke my hand. Some people were shocked.
0:00:57 > 0:00:58Not this lady.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01I just watched it and watched it and watched it.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04It was absolutely brilliant.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08And finally, over on Sky News, it's happened again.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Love is in the air.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13We're just about to open up a new shop in the city...
0:01:13 > 0:01:16MUSIC: "She" by Elvis Costello
0:01:16 > 0:01:20LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:01:24 > 0:01:29So, what's been going on? Young people are struggling to get jobs.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32'Unemployment hits a 17-year high,
0:01:32 > 0:01:35'with more young people out of work, than ever.'
0:01:35 > 0:01:36And who did Sky News get
0:01:36 > 0:01:39to talk about solving the youth unemployment crisis?
0:01:39 > 0:01:41We do have a problem...
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Alan Sugar!
0:01:43 > 0:01:47I'm not sure he's the best person to get young people jobs.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48You're fired!
0:01:48 > 0:01:50You're fired!
0:01:50 > 0:01:51You're fired!
0:01:51 > 0:01:53You're fired, fired, fired, fired...
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Mind you, this next girl
0:01:55 > 0:01:57is definitely going to struggle in the workplace.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Check out this wonderful headline.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09And did her friends help get her out?
0:02:09 > 0:02:13No, they videoed her and pissed themselves laughing.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Get the fire brigade! Get my iPhone!
0:02:27 > 0:02:31Imagine the moment the fire brigade arrived. What have you done?
0:02:31 > 0:02:34I wanted to know what it felt like to be a towel!
0:02:38 > 0:02:41How did that girl even get into university?
0:02:41 > 0:02:44What does her UCAS form look like? A potato print.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47If she's struggling with a clothes horse,
0:02:47 > 0:02:49imagine her in an English exam.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53What is Rudyard Kipling's finest work?
0:02:53 > 0:02:55LAUGHTER
0:02:55 > 0:02:56His cakes.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58LAUGHTER
0:02:58 > 0:03:00They're exceedingly good.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04I've honestly watched that clip of her stuck, about 100 times.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07I can't get enough! And I'm not the only one.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10I just watched it and watched it and watched it.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12It was absolutely brilliant.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Elsewhere this week,
0:03:14 > 0:03:18a survey was held to find Britain's most influential man. Who won?
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Boris Johnson!
0:03:22 > 0:03:23CHEERING
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Do you reckon kids'll start copying his look?
0:03:28 > 0:03:30It's ridiculous, isn't it?
0:03:30 > 0:03:33How can he be the most influential man in Britain?
0:03:33 > 0:03:36He's impossible to understand. It always sounds like he's on acid.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39I rubbed my eyes and my eyes were not deceiving me.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42I saw the sprouting, hubble bubble,
0:03:42 > 0:03:44gherkin, not gherkin, pretzel-type object.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Arrrr!
0:03:46 > 0:03:50It's like he's playing charades with an invisible man, all the time!
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Gherkins... pretzel...
0:03:51 > 0:03:53two words... film...
0:03:53 > 0:03:57I don't know, you invisible bastard. Give me the title!
0:03:57 > 0:04:00He's lovable though, isn't he? Boris is lovable.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Asked what was different about him and David Cameron,
0:04:03 > 0:04:04he gave this answer...
0:04:04 > 0:04:07What is the difference between you and David Cameron?
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Well, I'm Mayor of London, and he's Prime Minister.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15I'm older than him, I'm considerably heavier.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18What else? I beat him at tennis.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20LAUGHTER
0:04:20 > 0:04:22I stuffed him at wiff-waff!
0:04:22 > 0:04:26People are even saying Boris could be the next Prime Minister!
0:04:26 > 0:04:28It might happen sooner than we think.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32Between you and me, I think Cameron's running out of policies.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Let's get those diabetics off the road.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38If I see one more asthmatic on a space hopper,
0:04:38 > 0:04:42there will be hell to pay!
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Let's be honest, Ed Miliband's never going to win.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46He just looks too weird.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49This guy sums up what he looks like best.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52A frightened panda who's been caught with another panda's wife.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56He's got a point!
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Some mad crime stories knocking around.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Over in Pakistan, the government is trying to stop
0:05:10 > 0:05:13that most evil of crimes - swearing.
0:05:13 > 0:05:14'In Pakistan, it's the war
0:05:14 > 0:05:18'on violent extremists that usually makes headlines.'
0:05:18 > 0:05:22But now the government is waging a new fight.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24'A war on what the government has deemed
0:05:24 > 0:05:28'obscene and offensive language in text messages.'
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Imagine the jails. "I'm in for murder. You...?"
0:05:31 > 0:05:33"I called my brother a spunk monkey."
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Some of the words banned are weird. Look at these...
0:05:50 > 0:05:52That's not even rude, that's a fruit!
0:05:52 > 0:05:55I bet he's there going, "Why am I being banned?
0:05:55 > 0:05:59"What about banana? He looks like a dick!"
0:06:00 > 0:06:02They even banned this word.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06That could lead to confusion.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Grandad's having a stroke!
0:06:08 > 0:06:11Well, tell him to pack it in, then.
0:06:11 > 0:06:12I think he's going to die...
0:06:12 > 0:06:16Well, he's clearly doing it too hard.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19From naughty words to a bizarre punishment in New Zealand...
0:06:26 > 0:06:28It's mad, isn't it? Here they are in action.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31'Shane and Carl weren't dancing for fun
0:06:31 > 0:06:33'when this YouTube clip was filmed last week.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36'They were dancing because they were scared.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38They made them dance for an hour,
0:06:38 > 0:06:42because they sprayed graffiti on their neighbour's wall.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44What a weird punishment!
0:06:44 > 0:06:45"You're not going to hit me, are you?"
0:06:45 > 0:06:48"No, I want you to moonwalk."
0:06:48 > 0:06:51"Ah, that's the stuff! Shake it, baby!"
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Luckily the police were called. Did they help? Not really!
0:06:54 > 0:06:58'When two police officers arrived, the ordeal wasn't over.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00'One officer laughed so hard he had to leave the room
0:07:00 > 0:07:03'and call two colleagues to come and watch.'
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Dave, you've got to see this, mate.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10It's better than that girl in the clothes horse!
0:07:10 > 0:07:13It isn't the only dancing story of the week.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Look what kids in America are doing with their cars.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19'It's called ghost riding the whip.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21'A whip is slang for a car
0:07:21 > 0:07:23'and ghost riding refers to the fact
0:07:23 > 0:07:26'that whoever was driving, ends up disappearing.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29It's the shittest thing ever.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30"I'm ghost riding the whip!"
0:07:30 > 0:07:34No, you're not! You're giving a BMW a lapdance!
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Look at these tits!
0:07:36 > 0:07:39'Ghostriders perform all sorts of automotive acrobatics,
0:07:39 > 0:07:41'otherwise known as going dumb.
0:07:41 > 0:07:45'Standing atop a driver's door...
0:07:45 > 0:07:47'hanging out the back door...'
0:07:47 > 0:07:50They're like claustrophobics on their way to a meeting.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52"I can't be in the car, Steve!
0:07:52 > 0:07:56"Let me get on the door. I don't like it, I don't like the inside!"
0:07:56 > 0:08:01Surprisingly, this crappy craze has taken America by storm.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03And it's not just kids who are into it.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Well, Grandma, what's on our schedule today?
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Well, there's one thing we could do...
0:08:10 > 0:08:12we could ghost ride the whip!
0:08:12 > 0:08:14TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS
0:08:14 > 0:08:16LAUGHTER
0:08:21 > 0:08:23They're pretty good, aren't they?
0:08:23 > 0:08:26But they've been doing it for years. This guy's a beginner.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Some odd stories in Britain this week.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41First, look what this man's done to stop speeding.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44'They don't mess about in Bow
0:08:44 > 0:08:46'or at least Tim Backhouse doesn't.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48'Fed up with traffic going too fast
0:08:48 > 0:08:52'he and a friend picked up their paintbrushes and went big
0:08:52 > 0:08:54'on the side of Tim's house.'
0:08:54 > 0:08:55Only in the West Country.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59"Why get a speed camera, when I got a paintbrush?"
0:08:59 > 0:09:00What I love about this,
0:09:00 > 0:09:03it highlights just how brilliantly shit
0:09:03 > 0:09:05British local news is.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08They clearly got a woman to say, "Wow! Look at that!"
0:09:10 > 0:09:11"Wow! Look at that!"
0:09:11 > 0:09:13LAUGHTER
0:09:13 > 0:09:15And then from nowhere,
0:09:15 > 0:09:18an unintelligible man rocks up in his tractor.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20- Very stupid.- Why?
0:09:20 > 0:09:24Everybody's going to look at it and have more accidents...
0:09:24 > 0:09:29BABBLES IN WEST COUNTRY ACCENT
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Got to go, I'm ghost riding the tractor!
0:09:36 > 0:09:38It's good he didn't paint this on his house.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Because you KNOW somebody would have done this....
0:09:46 > 0:09:48From road signs to the paranormal.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56Pretty interesting, more so when you find out who's been plaguing her...
0:09:56 > 0:10:00a groping octopus ghost!
0:10:00 > 0:10:03I know we're all thinking...
0:10:03 > 0:10:06poor octopus!
0:10:06 > 0:10:09I bet she loved it.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12"Oh no, eight hands all over me. Oh no!
0:10:12 > 0:10:15"Lower... Oh...
0:10:15 > 0:10:17"Will this never end?
0:10:17 > 0:10:18"Lower.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21"Oh, that's the stuff..."
0:10:21 > 0:10:25# If there's something strange in the neighbourhood
0:10:25 > 0:10:27# Who you gonna call? # Fucking no-one!
0:10:27 > 0:10:28LAUGHTER
0:10:28 > 0:10:31"Aaarh!"
0:10:31 > 0:10:34LAUGHTER
0:10:34 > 0:10:35I imagine!
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Now, mind you, it wasn't the only spooky story of the week.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42A ghost in Gloucester is haunting a pint of lager.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44'It was just another quiz night,
0:10:44 > 0:10:48'and another pint from the bar for the quizmaster.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51'But this pint took on a life of its own.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54'Watch it carefully as it starts to move.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00'When it fell the quiz goers were shocked,
0:11:00 > 0:11:02'the manager, spooked.'
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Ahhh!
0:11:04 > 0:11:06A pint of beer fell over!
0:11:07 > 0:11:10This has to be the over reaction of the week.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12When you see something like this on tape
0:11:12 > 0:11:14it really sort of scares you.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16It's a zombie pint!
0:11:17 > 0:11:19We're going to die!
0:11:19 > 0:11:23Mind you, this evil pint isn't the only thing causing the pub bother.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27'The haunted pint is just one ghostly happening in the last few weeks.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30'Recently manageress, Sam, woke up early one morning
0:11:30 > 0:11:32'to hear wailings from her daughter's bedroom.'
0:11:32 > 0:11:37LAUGHTER
0:11:41 > 0:11:43I'm not sure that was a ghost!
0:11:43 > 0:11:44LAUGHTER
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Next up, a truly terrible waxwork museum.
0:11:47 > 0:11:52A waxwork attraction in Kent is making visitors work hard to do that.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56Shall we say, it's not entirely obvious who some are meant to be.
0:11:56 > 0:12:01Damn right! You will never see worse celebrity waxworks than this!
0:12:01 > 0:12:02'Tom Cruise,
0:12:02 > 0:12:04'Kylie Minogue,
0:12:04 > 0:12:06'the Queen
0:12:06 > 0:12:08'and Sylvester Stallone.'
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Stallone looks like the saddest sex doll ever.
0:12:12 > 0:12:13Look at his eyes!
0:12:13 > 0:12:19MUSIC: "Mad World" by Gary Jules
0:12:19 > 0:12:24LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Check out the service that this church is offering.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37'Alex Averill defended himself and his church,
0:12:37 > 0:12:40'after police say members of Phoenix Goddess Temple
0:12:40 > 0:12:43'ran an organised prostitution ring out of the church.'
0:12:43 > 0:12:46That's right, it's a brothel and a church.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48They don't just talk about a burning bush,
0:12:48 > 0:12:51they'll give you one!
0:12:51 > 0:12:54So what kind of stuff can parishioners look forward to?
0:12:54 > 0:12:58'Calling themselves whole body healers they offer nude life coaching
0:12:58 > 0:13:00'and prostate massages.'
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Prostate massage?
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Can you feel Jesus? No, but you need to clip your nails!
0:13:06 > 0:13:08AUDIENCE: Ohhh!
0:13:08 > 0:13:12I feel like Sylvester Stallone.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15It's such nonsense. Whole body healers.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Have a look at what the leader of this church calls himself.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21At my church, I'm labelled a shaman.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23A shaman. Wow!
0:13:23 > 0:13:25What magic powers does he have?
0:13:25 > 0:13:28'He's devoted himself to healing people
0:13:28 > 0:13:31'including overweight women who need to feel loved.'
0:13:33 > 0:13:35He bangs fat women.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39If that makes you a shaman, I'll start calling my brother Gandalf.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43LAUGHTER
0:13:43 > 0:13:46If you think a church that provides sex is creepy,
0:13:46 > 0:13:48look what this preacher's offering.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Pastor Bates laid hands on him,
0:13:50 > 0:13:54almost two hours ago.
0:13:54 > 0:13:55He hasn't moved since.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Wouldn't you like the holy ghost to come on you like that?
0:14:01 > 0:14:02No, no, no, no, no...
0:14:02 > 0:14:05LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:14:07 > 0:14:10The final religious story this week is a bit more bizarre.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16How lovely, whereabouts?
0:14:17 > 0:14:19GROANING
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Holy shit!
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Literally! Poor Jesus.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32"Dad, you have sent me to the wrong place!"
0:14:32 > 0:14:33LAUGHTER
0:14:33 > 0:14:35A lot of people were appalled, one lady loved it.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Wow, look at that!
0:14:39 > 0:14:40It's nonsense!
0:14:40 > 0:14:43If Jesus was going to land on any dog, surely it would be this fellow.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45QUACK!
0:14:50 > 0:14:52A new book has been published this week about X-rays,
0:14:52 > 0:14:55showing the many varied things that people have inserted
0:14:55 > 0:14:57into their arseholes.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59The X-rays are all in a new book called:
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Everything from a computer mouse to a cassette tape,
0:15:08 > 0:15:10this set of Christmas lights
0:15:10 > 0:15:14and this is Barbie, but it isn't her dream house she's in!
0:15:15 > 0:15:17She was not happy!
0:15:17 > 0:15:18SHE SCREAMS
0:15:18 > 0:15:20GROANING
0:15:20 > 0:15:22The worst thing...
0:15:22 > 0:15:24this book...
0:15:24 > 0:15:25LAUGHTER
0:15:29 > 0:15:31This book was written by doctors.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35It's co-authored by this emergency room physician and two other doctors.
0:15:35 > 0:15:36Bastards!
0:15:36 > 0:15:42"Hey, doc, you're not going to tell the world about me putting a doll up my arse, are you?"
0:15:42 > 0:15:43"Oh, NO...
0:15:43 > 0:15:45"I'd never do that!"
0:15:45 > 0:15:50"Have a look at that, Dave, it's like a yawning hippo."
0:15:50 > 0:15:54So, what's the number one excuse people come up with in this situation?
0:15:54 > 0:15:56"I accidentally fell on an object."
0:15:56 > 0:15:59That's probably the most common accidental story you hear.
0:15:59 > 0:16:05And who hasn't sat on their glasses really, really hard, while nude(?)
0:16:05 > 0:16:07Exactly!
0:16:07 > 0:16:09So, what was the doctor's favourite?
0:16:09 > 0:16:13But the Doctor's favourite found objects are action figures -
0:16:13 > 0:16:15poor Buzz Lightyear!
0:16:15 > 0:16:16LOUD GROANING
0:16:16 > 0:16:20"To infinity and... what the fuck is that!"
0:16:20 > 0:16:22LAUGHTER
0:16:22 > 0:16:23"Ahhhh!"
0:16:23 > 0:16:25APPLAUSE
0:16:29 > 0:16:30All right, Barbie?
0:16:30 > 0:16:32LAUGHTER
0:16:32 > 0:16:35That was their favourite, this was my favourite.
0:16:35 > 0:16:39A more recent X-ray displays an iPod Nano.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42That's what happens when you play this out loud on the Tube.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45SONG: "Baby" by Justin Beiber ft. Ludacris
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Come here you little sod!
0:16:48 > 0:16:50APPLAUSE
0:16:50 > 0:16:53We'd all do it. We'd ALL do it.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01This is the part I genuinely know nothing about.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03There's a mystery guest who has been in the news
0:17:03 > 0:17:05and I have to figure out who that person is.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Please welcome my mystery guest!
0:17:07 > 0:17:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:13 > 0:17:16- Hello.- Hey.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21- Hello, you all right? - Nice to meet you.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23- What is your name?- Jan. - Nice to meet you.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Jan, it looks like we're in a folk pub. Is that close?
0:17:26 > 0:17:29- Yeah, something to do with that. - It's something to do with folk.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33Folk, Guinness, playing a violin and drinking Guinness.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36- You look a bit like a magician, as well.- A magician? Thanks.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40- It's not something I wear everything day.- Why are you wearing it here?
0:17:40 > 0:17:43- Special event, just to help you guess what I am.- To wear that?
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Did you think I was a magpie?
0:17:45 > 0:17:47LAUGHTER
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Why's it all shiny? I can't take my eyes off it.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53To stand out on stage.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56- Oh, right, so you're a performer? - Yeah.- OK.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59- Presumably it involves the violin?- No.- It doesn't.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03Do you hunt down men who play the violin?
0:18:03 > 0:18:05No, no, not really.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08- You've never killed a man? - No, not yet.- Not yet?!
0:18:08 > 0:18:10LAUGHTER
0:18:10 > 0:18:14Any other clues? So you're a performer, anything else?
0:18:14 > 0:18:16- Irish.- You're Irish? - That's a big clue.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Er...I don't know, just tell me.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23I'm the under 21 Male World Irish Dancing Champion.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Nice to meet you.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33So what this is, is racism, essentially!
0:18:33 > 0:18:37- Stereotypes.- He's Irish and there's a pint of Guinness there.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40I'm surprised we didn't have a tiny man going, "Ah, hello!"
0:18:40 > 0:18:42"Please let me come on!"
0:18:42 > 0:18:46So, have you ever pulled a lady doing your Irish...jiggery?
0:18:46 > 0:18:48I've been at a dance-off at a club before.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51- How did that go?- Surprisingly well.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53I thought people would laugh, but they clapped
0:18:53 > 0:18:55- and I got free drinks and a phone number.- A phone number?!
0:18:55 > 0:18:57There you go!
0:18:57 > 0:18:58LADIES: Wooo!
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Show the moves that made the ladies swoon.
0:19:01 > 0:19:05- It was...- Pretend I'm a lady in a club watching you.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07- IRISH ACCENT:- "I like that one over there,
0:19:07 > 0:19:10"the shiny fucker over there, look at him."
0:19:10 > 0:19:12LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:19:16 > 0:19:19- IRISH ACCENT:- "Johnny Dazzle-pants, I like that one. Dance for me."
0:19:19 > 0:19:22- Er, well, I started slowly... - Oh, yeah.
0:19:22 > 0:19:23..and then I'll get faster...
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Oh, God.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Oh, don't ever stop moving your feet.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Oh, I...yes!
0:19:30 > 0:19:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:32 > 0:19:35- Well done, man!- Thank you very much.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38- Shall we do some dancing? - We're going to in a minute.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40- I'm going to show you a few steps if...- I'd love to!
0:19:40 > 0:19:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:44 > 0:19:47- IRISH ACCENT:- So, I'm in the mood for dancing, Jan!
0:19:47 > 0:19:49- LAUGHTER - Teach me how to dance!
0:19:49 > 0:19:53I'll start you off with basic beginning steps.
0:19:53 > 0:19:54- OK.- So that's...
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Oh, nice!
0:20:00 > 0:20:02- Stuff like that.- Lovely.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:04 > 0:20:07So, first, what I'll teach you is a shuffle.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09- Erm, tap it forward.- This one, yeah.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Right foot, right foot.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13So, tap it forward...back...
0:20:13 > 0:20:17and then hop...down. Very good.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20So, you've got to be like a really flamboyant penguin.
0:20:20 > 0:20:21LAUGHTER
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- I guess.- I'm sorry. - That's all right.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30- Erm, next one.- Yep.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Be careful, I don't want you to hurt yourself.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35- Nice. - LAUGHTER
0:20:35 > 0:20:36- It's called a click.- Yep.
0:20:36 > 0:20:40Pick up the right leg and then click the heels together.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- Ow! - LAUGHTER
0:20:44 > 0:20:47- So, are you meant to do, are you meant to go like that?- Very good.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:51 > 0:20:55If you imagine there's a football there, it's a lot easier, you go...
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Drag, it's called.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01- Just drag your foot. - Oh, I like that, that's pretty...
0:21:02 > 0:21:05That's the equivalent of what the dog does when it's wiping its arse.
0:21:08 > 0:21:09Nobody's looking.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16That's good. So, we're going to try and put them all together to music.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18- To music?!- To music, yeah.
0:21:18 > 0:21:22- If that's cool?- Lovely, yeah. - Yeah, OK, let's go.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24MUSIC: "The Lord of The Dance"
0:21:30 > 0:21:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Two, three, end!
0:21:59 > 0:22:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Lovely, well done.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for my mystery guest!
0:22:12 > 0:22:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Check out the McDonald's burger that's than been causing a stir.
0:22:21 > 0:22:26A national fast food chain has a secret menu you don't know about
0:22:26 > 0:22:28and one of the items on that menu
0:22:28 > 0:22:31is proving to be offensive to some people.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33One creation you will not find on any of their menus,
0:22:33 > 0:22:35but one that we were able to order
0:22:35 > 0:22:38at three different Loreto area McDonald's is called a McGangBang.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40LAUGHTER
0:22:40 > 0:22:43# Doo-doo do doo I'm smashing it! #
0:22:44 > 0:22:48The McGangBang?! I hope it doesn't come with a happy meal toy!
0:22:49 > 0:22:51GROANING
0:22:51 > 0:22:55So, are customers upset by the McGangBang burger? No!
0:22:55 > 0:22:58In honour of the rude meal, they have been going to McDonald's,
0:22:58 > 0:23:01finding a statue of Ronald and making him look like a pervert.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05This lady takes it a stage further.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08LAUGHTER AND GROANING
0:23:08 > 0:23:10But this guy has to be the winner!
0:23:12 > 0:23:14APPLAUSE
0:23:16 > 0:23:20This is a story about a company who invented a filthy motorbike.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Ever been on a toilet and thought,
0:23:22 > 0:23:24"If only I can do this while riding a bike."
0:23:24 > 0:23:26No.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Now your dreams may just become a reality.
0:23:29 > 0:23:34Japanese toilet manufacturer Toto has invented the Toiletbike Neo,
0:23:34 > 0:23:37a motorcycle powered entirely by human waste.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40What?! Imagine what you'd look like riding that?
0:23:40 > 0:23:43You can be the best looking person in the world,
0:23:43 > 0:23:46when you're having a dump we all look a little bit Gollum.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50This looks all right...this isn't.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54In case some of you are interested, it has other features.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02"Kill me!"
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Full of shit and can't stop talking,
0:24:04 > 0:24:06sounds like a description of this show!
0:24:13 > 0:24:17Over in Northern Ireland they've discovered a cunning escape artist.
0:24:17 > 0:24:22It began when farmer Tom Grant, having securely locked his valuable animals up for the night,
0:24:22 > 0:24:25found them roaming wild outside the next day.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28So, how did the animals escape? Did local kids set them free?
0:24:28 > 0:24:32Nope, it was down to a clever cow called Daisy. Look what she did.
0:24:47 > 0:24:53And with one bound, Daisy and her fellow C.O.W's were free.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55I love that, "C.O.W's!"
0:24:55 > 0:24:56Like they're in prison,
0:24:56 > 0:25:00"Look alive, girls, tomorrow we're going over the top.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02"Last one back to Blighty is a McGangBang."
0:25:04 > 0:25:07Mind you, not everyone is as gifted as Daisy.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10LAUGHTER AND GROANING
0:25:11 > 0:25:13What does that remind me of?
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Tonight's story is an inspiring and emotional tale
0:25:25 > 0:25:27of Yoshi and Emma De Silva
0:25:27 > 0:25:29and the healing power of their baby's touch.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31After five years of trying
0:25:31 > 0:25:35Yoshi and Emma were blessed with a daughter they named Eloise,
0:25:35 > 0:25:36but just 19 days later
0:25:36 > 0:25:40a dreadful accident put mother and daughter in hospital.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46I really thought to myself at that moment in time,
0:25:46 > 0:25:49"I'm going to lose my daughter and my wife."
0:25:49 > 0:25:55They basically said your wife is seriously brain damaged,
0:25:55 > 0:25:57we'd like to switch the machines off.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00But gradually his little girl emerged from danger.
0:26:00 > 0:26:04I honestly believe that if one person could get her through this,
0:26:04 > 0:26:06it was that little girl.
0:26:06 > 0:26:11Every day Yoshi would bring Eloise to the hospital
0:26:11 > 0:26:15so she could hold her mother, touch her, skin on skin.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21Then on one visit Emma's eyelids began to move.
0:26:24 > 0:26:29She really dug in there and found her mother from somewhere...
0:26:29 > 0:26:33cos I think Emma was very lost for a long time.
0:26:35 > 0:26:40And then 12 weeks, 84 days after falling into a coma,
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Emma woke up...
0:26:42 > 0:26:44holding Eloise in her arms.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Push with your legs and stand up.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Emma, that's amazing.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54That little girl saved two people, absolutely.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58She saved her mother and absolutely she has saved me.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04There you go, a bit of wonder before you go to bed.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Thanks very much for watching Good News, goodnight.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:26 > 0:27:29Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd