0:00:02 > 0:00:10This programme contains some strong language and adult humour.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:24 > 0:00:27Thank you very much! Thank you very much!
0:00:28 > 0:00:29Thank you!
0:00:29 > 0:00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:30 > 0:00:33Thanks very much. Thank you very much.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Hello and welcome to Good News. So, what's been happening?
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Did anyone else see that giant reporter on Newsnight?
0:00:40 > 0:00:42..and these are the first elections...
0:00:42 > 0:00:44LAUGHTER
0:00:44 > 0:00:48The BBC interviewed the man with the scariest eyes ever!
0:00:48 > 0:00:53Well, Chris Yates is an aviation pilot and joins us now...
0:00:53 > 0:00:57Did anyone else see Downing Street being robbed on the news?
0:00:57 > 0:00:58People had expected...
0:00:58 > 0:01:00LAUGHTER
0:01:00 > 0:01:05Over at Newsnight they had the least threatening rap group EVER!
0:01:05 > 0:01:08RAPS: Mess around with me and I'm gonna scratch your cat. Uh!
0:01:08 > 0:01:11LAUGHTER
0:01:12 > 0:01:15- RAPS:- Underestimate my power I'm gonna kill your Chihuahua!
0:01:15 > 0:01:17LAUGHTER
0:01:17 > 0:01:18Staying in the world of music,
0:01:18 > 0:01:20check out the Australian version of The Voice.
0:01:20 > 0:01:24Is it me or does Seal appear to be masturbating?
0:01:24 > 0:01:27LAUGHTER
0:01:29 > 0:01:31# Don't you remember...? #
0:01:31 > 0:01:32LAUGHTER
0:01:34 > 0:01:36APPLAUSE
0:01:37 > 0:01:40So, what's been going on? Well, this guy has been everywhere.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42- Simon Cowell.- Simon Cowell.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- Simon Cowell.- Simon Cowell. - Simon Cowell.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46- Simon Cowell.- High trousers.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49- LAUGHTER - There was a book about him, he had an affair with Dannii Minogue,
0:01:49 > 0:01:52but the thing that caught my eye was his beauty regime.
0:01:52 > 0:01:53Have you seen what he does?
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Every week he is reportedly attached to a drip,
0:01:56 > 0:01:58which pumps vitamins through his body.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01He is said to travel with two suitcases
0:02:01 > 0:02:03full of eye drops and face creams.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06He also demands Botox injections twice a year.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09He needs all the help he can get!
0:02:09 > 0:02:12We've actually got a photo of him without Botox!
0:02:13 > 0:02:15LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Not only that, apparently he spends thousands on his hair.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23How?!
0:02:23 > 0:02:27- LAUGHTER - It looks like a pube crash helmet!
0:02:27 > 0:02:30It gets stranger. Look what else he does!
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Simon's a fan of colonic irrigation.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35He thinks it gives his eyes a certain sparkle.
0:02:35 > 0:02:40Sparkle?! If you want to make your eyes sparkle, splash them with water -
0:02:40 > 0:02:42- don't ram a hose up your arse! - LAUGHTER
0:02:42 > 0:02:46Besides, it doesn't make him sparkle, it makes him do this.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49SLOSHING WATER
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Now, for me, this is his strangest habit.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59How weird is that?
0:02:59 > 0:03:00You won't be able to check what you've done!
0:03:00 > 0:03:03- LAUGHTER - Shut up - everyone checks!
0:03:03 > 0:03:04LAUGHTER
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Nobody knows why but everyone checks!
0:03:07 > 0:03:09It's one of life's mysteries, innit?
0:03:09 > 0:03:13- It is not like you're ever going to go, "Oh, glitter!" you know? - LAUGHTER
0:03:16 > 0:03:19- "Tinker Bell's dead!" - LAUGHTER
0:03:19 > 0:03:22I doubt Cowell even wipes his own arse!
0:03:22 > 0:03:25I heard he gets someone to do it for him and he is NOT happy.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Elsewhere, the race to become London mayor was back in the news.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33Did you see this INCREDIBLE headline?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44- Jesus! - LAUGHTER
0:03:44 > 0:03:48Remind me to never go to his doctor's!
0:03:48 > 0:03:49"Erm...
0:03:49 > 0:03:51"how does this test my fitness?!"
0:03:51 > 0:03:54- LAUGHTER - "Shut up, Howard, I'm nearly there."
0:03:54 > 0:03:58- LAUGHTER - "Oh, God, I feel like Seal."
0:03:58 > 0:04:00LAUGHTER
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Now, did you watch the Sky News debates?
0:04:03 > 0:04:07Lib Dem candidate Brian Paddick had a bit of an identity crisis.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09I'm a professional politician.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11I'm NOT a professional politician. LAUGHTER
0:04:11 > 0:04:13I am passionate.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15I am NOT passionate.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17LAUGHTER
0:04:17 > 0:04:20Boris Johnson wins my award for biggest lie of the night.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22You can do extraordinary things in Croydon.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:29 > 0:04:32That is simply not true.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Boris was clearly bored - at one point he started doodling.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40LAUGHTER
0:04:40 > 0:04:43We've got hold of his drawing -
0:04:43 > 0:04:46the Boris-Saurus-Rex!
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Oh, yeah, cos I'm on the BBC,
0:04:51 > 0:04:54I have to give fair coverage to all the major players.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57So, here's Green Party candidate Jenny Jones.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58My name's Jenny Jones.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00- Sorted! - LAUGHTER
0:05:03 > 0:05:06There's some insane health stories knocking about.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10Check out the latest craze sweeping across Taiwan.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14Tu Chin-Sheng is the grand master of Yin Diao Gong,
0:05:14 > 0:05:18an extraordinary and controversial form of medicine
0:05:18 > 0:05:20for men who want to be all they can be.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23MEDICINE? Well, that is stretching it!
0:05:23 > 0:05:26You'll get that joke in about five seconds.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Look what this "medicine" entails.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30After deep breathing,
0:05:30 > 0:05:34each man ties a soft sash around his penis and scrotum... LOUD GROANING
0:05:34 > 0:05:37..and straps on a five kilogram weight.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39- SHOUTS:- That is not medicine!
0:05:39 > 0:05:41LAUGHTER
0:05:41 > 0:05:43That is pervert croquet, that's what that is!
0:05:43 > 0:05:45LAUGHTER
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- "The Green's are good, aren't they, Barry?" - LAUGHTER
0:05:51 > 0:05:52It's insane!
0:05:52 > 0:05:55This has to be understatement of the year.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Some doctors have suggested it may cause serious injury.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01- LAUGHTER - Fucking right!
0:06:02 > 0:06:04You'll have a dick like this guy's arm.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16So, why the hell are Taiwanese men doing this?
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Master Tu believes conventional medicine
0:06:19 > 0:06:23will one day recognise the benefits of this exercise
0:06:23 > 0:06:28and see it as a safe alternative to potency-enhancing drugs like Viagra.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32"An alternative to Viagra!" It's hardly going to be romantic.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34"Love, I'm going to make love to you all night,
0:06:34 > 0:06:38"just as soon as I finish stretching my penis with this lead weight.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42"You stay there, love. You're in for the time of your life.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45- "Oh, I wouldn't want to be you! Oh-ho-ho!" - LAUGHTER
0:06:45 > 0:06:46"Lynda..."
0:06:46 > 0:06:48LAUGHTER
0:06:48 > 0:06:50"Lynda, can you phone an ambulance, please?
0:06:50 > 0:06:53"Make sure, it's a long one, I'm in real trouble here."
0:06:53 > 0:06:54LAUGHTER
0:06:54 > 0:06:58These guys don't just use it for sex. Check out this mad bastard.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01The more experienced practitioners
0:07:01 > 0:07:03are still to discover the limits of Yin Diao Gong,
0:07:03 > 0:07:08one man even offering to pull our van.
0:07:08 > 0:07:13- He's pulling a van with his wang! - LAUGHTER
0:07:13 > 0:07:17Let's hope to God the AA don't start doing that!
0:07:17 > 0:07:20"Hello, love, I'm the fourth emergency service.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22"Let's just warm the bad boy up! Here we go!"
0:07:22 > 0:07:24LAUGHTER
0:07:24 > 0:07:25"Come on!"
0:07:25 > 0:07:27"My car's not even broken."
0:07:27 > 0:07:29"I'll be the judge of that, love!"
0:07:29 > 0:07:32From one weird health story to another.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34A cemetery in southern Italy is now so full
0:07:34 > 0:07:37the local mayor has come up with a bizarre new law.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40TRANSLATOR: I issued a challenge in ordinance in which I said,
0:07:40 > 0:07:44"Citizens, while we await the construction of the new cemetery,
0:07:44 > 0:07:46"I order you not to die."
0:07:46 > 0:07:49LAUGHTER
0:07:49 > 0:07:51The trouble is this "nobody is allowed to die" law
0:07:51 > 0:07:53isn't really working out.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56The law has indeed proved challenging to enforce.
0:07:56 > 0:08:01Within ten days of it being passed, two elderly residents disobeyed.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03LAUGHTER
0:08:03 > 0:08:05I love that, "Disobeyed"!
0:08:05 > 0:08:08They make it sound like they found them in bed like that.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12What are they going to do with people who break the law,
0:08:12 > 0:08:13put them in jail?
0:08:13 > 0:08:15What are you in for?
0:08:15 > 0:08:19- FLIES BUZZ - Strong, silent type, eh?
0:08:19 > 0:08:21The screws won't get to you.
0:08:24 > 0:08:25Oh?
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Sleep on your belly, do you?
0:08:27 > 0:08:30You're going to fit in just fine.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32LAUGHTER
0:08:34 > 0:08:35What?
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Now, I've saved my favourite for last.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42Over in Holland, a bloke has had an unusual reaction to an operation.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49You have to check this out, it is so beautiful!
0:08:49 > 0:08:51HE GIGGLES
0:09:00 > 0:09:02HE LAUGHS
0:09:06 > 0:09:08LAUGHTER
0:09:08 > 0:09:10APPLAUSE
0:09:12 > 0:09:14It's... It's SO great!
0:09:16 > 0:09:20He's so happy and she looks like the grumpiest bulldog ever!
0:09:22 > 0:09:25I'll tell you what, I could watch this man for hours.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Over in Australia, there's been an unusual theft.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Three British tourists have been accused
0:09:47 > 0:09:50of breaking into a theme park in Australia,
0:09:50 > 0:09:54swimming in the dolphin enclosure and escaping with a penguin.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57LAUGHTER
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Well, that is what I call a night out!
0:10:00 > 0:10:03How pissed do you have to be?
0:10:03 > 0:10:05"Shall we go to a nightclub?"
0:10:05 > 0:10:06"No!"
0:10:07 > 0:10:10"No, we need to steal Pingu!"
0:10:12 > 0:10:14I'm surprised they managed to steal him.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Some penguins are pretty tasty.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Not the oddest animal story of the week.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28Have you heard about One Direction?
0:10:28 > 0:10:32Liam and Harry have reportedly had a bit of a health scare in Australia
0:10:32 > 0:10:34after handling a koala named Kat.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37You're probably thinking they got a bit of a scratch.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Oh, no.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42They're apparently worried that they could have caught chlamydia off the bear.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44LAUGHTER
0:10:47 > 0:10:49APPLAUSE
0:10:53 > 0:10:58- I know they're cute but who bums a koala?! - LAUGHTER
0:10:58 > 0:10:59This poor guy saw everything.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02LAUGHTER
0:11:02 > 0:11:05MUSIC: "Mad World" by Gary Jules
0:11:08 > 0:11:10APPLAUSE
0:11:14 > 0:11:16"That's my fucking wife!"
0:11:16 > 0:11:18LAUGHTER
0:11:18 > 0:11:22Although not everyone was appalled.
0:11:25 > 0:11:31Next up, have you seen how a group of men are promoting tourism in Scandinavia?
0:11:31 > 0:11:34When tourism is down, there is nothing better to get it back up
0:11:34 > 0:11:37than a video of naked men humping things.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39- LAUGHTER - Amen to that!
0:11:39 > 0:11:42Now, look at the video these guys created
0:11:42 > 0:11:45to get people to visit their country!
0:11:45 > 0:11:48SOFT PIANO AND FLUTE MUSIC
0:11:48 > 0:11:50POUNDING DANCE MUSIC
0:11:51 > 0:11:53SOFT PIANO AND FLUTE MUSIC
0:11:53 > 0:11:57POUNDING DANCE MUSIC AND LAUGHTER
0:11:57 > 0:12:00SOFT PIANO AND FLUTE MUSIC
0:12:00 > 0:12:03POUNDING DANCE MUSIC AND LAUGHTER
0:12:03 > 0:12:07- It looks like Louie Spence's mind! - LAUGHTER
0:12:07 > 0:12:09How does that promote your country?!
0:12:09 > 0:12:13If you like a place, write something nice on TripAdvisor, don't fuck it!
0:12:13 > 0:12:16It is a funny video though, innit?
0:12:16 > 0:12:19This guy's my favourite. Check this bloke out. Why?
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Cos he's wearing a hat!
0:12:22 > 0:12:24I also love this bloke.
0:12:24 > 0:12:25WHAT is that?
0:12:28 > 0:12:30That's not shagging, it's rapey yoga!
0:12:32 > 0:12:34I'll tell you what, if that's how they sell their country,
0:12:34 > 0:12:38can you imagine what their shopping channels are like?
0:12:38 > 0:12:39- SCANDINAVIAN ACCENT:- Hello!
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Welcome to the shopping channel.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45Gunter will now sell the toaster. Gunter!
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Ahh! I love toasters! Oh!
0:12:47 > 0:12:51He loves toasters.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55'Warning, some of our toasters may contain pubes. Whoops!'
0:12:56 > 0:12:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Over in America, a WONDERFUL reaction to a fire.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09An apartment kept fire crews busy this morning.
0:13:09 > 0:13:10Five units were damaged
0:13:10 > 0:13:15and the entire complex may be without electricity for some time.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18You're probably thinking, "Russ, why are you showing me this?"
0:13:18 > 0:13:23Because I'd argue this is the greatest eyewitness account to a fire you will ever see.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27Well, I woke up to go get me a cold pop
0:13:27 > 0:13:30and then I thought somebody was barbecuing.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33I said, "Oh, Lord Jesus, it's a fire."
0:13:33 > 0:13:37Then I ran out, I didn't grab no shoes or nothing, Jesus.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40I was running for my life and then the smoke got me.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44I got bronchitis! Ain't nobody got time for that!
0:13:44 > 0:13:46LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:49 > 0:13:54- "I got bronchitis. Ain't nobody got time for that!" - LAUGHTER
0:13:54 > 0:13:58This woman is fantastic, right, but the bizarre thing about this story,
0:13:58 > 0:14:01since she appeared on TV, she's become a celebrity.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03She's been on talk shows, she's been in magazines -
0:14:03 > 0:14:07some genius even turned her rant into a song.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11# Ain't nobody got time for that Ain't nobody got time for that
0:14:11 > 0:14:13# Ain't nobody got time Ain't nobody got time
0:14:13 > 0:14:14# Ain't nobody got time for that
0:14:14 > 0:14:16# I said, oh, Lord Jesus, it's a fire!
0:14:16 > 0:14:19# I said, oh, Lord Jesus, it's a fire!
0:14:19 > 0:14:21# Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, it's a fire!
0:14:21 > 0:14:25# I said, Lord Jesus, it's a fire I said, Lord Jesus, it's a fire
0:14:25 > 0:14:27# I said, Lord Jesus, it's a fire
0:14:27 > 0:14:31# Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
0:14:31 > 0:14:35# Ain't nobody got time for that Ain't nobody got time for that
0:14:35 > 0:14:36# Ain't nobody got time Ain't nobody got time
0:14:36 > 0:14:38# Ain't nobody got time for that. #
0:14:38 > 0:14:41- Well, I think... - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:14:41 > 0:14:46..we all have time for that.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50It's not my favourite fire-related story of the week though.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Check out this incredible headline.
0:14:57 > 0:14:58LAUGHTER
0:14:58 > 0:15:00"Bastards!
0:15:00 > 0:15:03"Not one copy of Felching Nemo."
0:15:03 > 0:15:05LAUGHTER
0:15:09 > 0:15:12The big sporting story of the week was, of course, this.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Blue skies, perfect conditions
0:15:15 > 0:15:19and for more than 35,000 runners, the ultimate challenge.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21The London Marathon is that rare sporting event
0:15:21 > 0:15:25where the world's fastest compete with the world's fanciest.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26I love the marathon so much!
0:15:26 > 0:15:30Not for the elite athletes but for wonderful nutters like this.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33I've broken the world record for the fastest female insect.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35The fastest marathon dressed as a dairy product.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38I've ran the fastest marathon in a gas mask.
0:15:38 > 0:15:39LAUGHTER
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Just SO brilliant! "Are you going to run it normally?"
0:15:42 > 0:15:44"No, I'm going to do it as a yoghurt."
0:15:44 > 0:15:46LAUGHTER
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Mind you, not everyone was pleased with their costume choice.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51So, Les, how was it this afternoon?
0:15:51 > 0:15:53It was awful. Absolutely awful.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56"I'm dressed as a rhino. Me nipples are ruined!"
0:15:56 > 0:15:58LAUGHTER
0:15:58 > 0:16:01I'll tell you what I love - the spirit the race creates.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03People running, the crowds cheering
0:16:03 > 0:16:06and who doesn't like to see a lovely bit of crowd work?
0:16:07 > 0:16:09CROWD CHEERS
0:16:10 > 0:16:12CROWD CHEERS
0:16:13 > 0:16:16- WOMAN:- Yay! Smile!
0:16:16 > 0:16:18CROWD CHEERS
0:16:18 > 0:16:20So sweet, isn't it?
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Now, one of the biggest talking points from the race
0:16:22 > 0:16:23came from Prince Harry.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31It's hardly news. These two have been doing it for years.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33- "Hello!" - LAUGHTER
0:16:33 > 0:16:36I've got footage of them from last year.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39"No-one knows we're here, Liz."
0:16:40 > 0:16:41FARTING
0:16:41 > 0:16:45- LAUGHTER - "Oh, Philip, have you dropped one?"
0:16:45 > 0:16:49- "Sorry, baby. Papa had a bulgy." - LAUGHTER
0:16:50 > 0:16:52My personal highlight of the marathon -
0:16:52 > 0:16:54the signs held up by the crowd.
0:16:54 > 0:16:55Some were a little bit cheeky...
0:16:55 > 0:16:57"Run bitches."
0:16:57 > 0:16:58LAUGHTER
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Some were a little bit racist...
0:17:02 > 0:17:04LAUGHTER
0:17:04 > 0:17:06APPLAUSE
0:17:11 > 0:17:14..and some simply offered practical advice.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17LAUGHTER
0:17:17 > 0:17:21Next up, there's been a study analysing the intelligence of footballers.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24If you thought footballers were a bit dippy, think again.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26A new study by researchers in Sweden
0:17:26 > 0:17:29has found they are often more intelligent than the rest of us.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32That's right, apparently footballers are more intelligent than us.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36I'm not so sure. Some of them can get a bit tongue tied.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38With Joey Barton, you know that,
0:17:38 > 0:17:39you know what to expect.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42You know he's going to come strong in the tackle
0:17:42 > 0:17:43and he's going to come in your face
0:17:43 > 0:17:45and you have to be ready before the match...
0:17:45 > 0:17:48GUEST LAUGHS
0:17:48 > 0:17:49All right.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52I'm not sure he'd go that far though!
0:17:52 > 0:17:55Mind you, there is one person in football who is a genius.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58I'm not talking Wayne Rooney or Stephen Gerrard,
0:17:58 > 0:18:02I'm talking this man - Bristolian legend Ian Holloway.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Oh, I could listen to him talk for hours.
0:18:04 > 0:18:09Most football managers are like, "At the end of the day, it's a game of two halves, blah-blah-blah..."
0:18:09 > 0:18:10Not Holloway.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14Look what he said when Blackpool got promoted to the Premier League.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21LAUGHTER
0:18:21 > 0:18:22I love him so much.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24He's like a football manager spliced with my mum.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27I mean, who else describes a victory like this?
0:18:35 > 0:18:38What's he even doing in that curtain? It's the best photo ever!
0:18:38 > 0:18:41My all-time Holloway quote has to be this belter.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Here he is describing Cristiano Ronaldo.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52LAUGHTER
0:18:52 > 0:18:54There's more! There is more.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Boom.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04APPLAUSE
0:19:06 > 0:19:09This is the part of the show I genuinely don't know anything about.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11There's a mystery guest who's been in the news,
0:19:11 > 0:19:13and I have to figure out who that person is.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15So, please welcome our mystery guest.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:26 > 0:19:28- Hello.- Hello.- Nice to meet you. I'm Russell, what's your name?
0:19:28 > 0:19:30- Natasha.- Natasha. Thanks for coming on the show.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33I imagine, Natasha, it has something to do with dogs.
0:19:33 > 0:19:38Quite big dogs by the look of it because those are pretty big bones.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40LAUGHTER
0:19:40 > 0:19:41Don't!
0:19:41 > 0:19:43They are big bones.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45- Do you look after big dogs? - Erm...
0:19:45 > 0:19:48- No.- Are you one of Snoop Dogg's bitches?
0:19:48 > 0:19:50LAUGHTER
0:19:50 > 0:19:53- No, you're not in the right area, no. - Not in the right area, erm...
0:19:53 > 0:19:57There's a trophy there. Have you got an award-winning dog?
0:19:57 > 0:19:59- Yes, I have. Yes. - You have an award-winning dog?
0:19:59 > 0:20:02- Is that why you've been in the news?- That's right, yes.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05- What's the name of this dog?- Dizzy. - Dizzy the dog. What a lovely name!
0:20:05 > 0:20:09- Have we got your dog?- We might have.
0:20:09 > 0:20:10What, really?!
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Sweet. Would you like to meet Dizzy?
0:20:12 > 0:20:13- ALL:- Yes.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16Diz! Diz-diz!
0:20:16 > 0:20:17Steady.
0:20:17 > 0:20:18ALL: Aw!
0:20:18 > 0:20:21Good girl. Hello!
0:20:21 > 0:20:22All right, Dizzy?
0:20:22 > 0:20:26- So, why have you been in the news? - It was about two months ago.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Erm, basically, Dizzy and I competed at Crufts
0:20:29 > 0:20:31and we are the agility champions.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34- She won at Crufts?- That's right, the agility class.- Fantastic.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37- That's worth a round of applause. - APPLAUSE
0:20:37 > 0:20:40- Well done.- Thank you.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42So, erm...
0:20:42 > 0:20:46- what we were planning is for you to do some agility with Dizzy.- Sweet.
0:20:46 > 0:20:51So, to give you an idea of what to expect, we'll run a short VT.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53Let's look at you in action. Are you up for that, babydoll?
0:20:53 > 0:20:55LAUGHTER
0:21:14 > 0:21:16APPLAUSE
0:21:16 > 0:21:18DIZZY BARKS
0:21:18 > 0:21:20What are you doing? Come on.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Dizzy, please.
0:21:22 > 0:21:23- OK, so are you ready to have a go? - I am.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27- So, we're going to start over here... - Sorry, I just kicked your dog. - ..with the seesaw.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29- LAUGHTER - I didn't, it was an accident.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33OK, so I'm going to talk you through what you're going to do with Dizzy.
0:21:33 > 0:21:34- Right.- So, this is the seesaw.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36- Sweet.- We're going to start her off.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38I need to give you a treat - she needs a reward for it.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41So, you're going to start her off in a moment... LAUGHTER
0:21:41 > 0:21:45- Is that a cocktail sausage?- Yes. - Oh, interesting. - LAUGHTER
0:21:46 > 0:21:47GROANING
0:21:47 > 0:21:50- So, you're going to say "seesaw"... Ooh!- Sorry, go on.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53- ..and then she'll stop at the end and then give her a treat.- OK, right.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56- Along this side?- Yeah, whichever side.- Cool.- So, get ready.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58- Dizzy.- OK, show her you've got the treat.- Dizzy!
0:21:58 > 0:21:59Ready? Seesaw. Come on.
0:21:59 > 0:22:00Wheyyy!
0:22:00 > 0:22:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:05 > 0:22:08- DIZZY BARKS - She likes sausages!- Yes.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Now we're going to do the tyre. So, we're going to set her up,
0:22:11 > 0:22:14you're going to go the other side and recall her through the tyre by calling her name.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16- Dizzy, sausage. - LAUGHTER
0:22:16 > 0:22:18APPLAUSE
0:22:18 > 0:22:20OK, finally, it's the weave.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22OK? So, just say "weave".
0:22:23 > 0:22:25- Sausage, weave! - LAUGHTER
0:22:27 > 0:22:28APPLAUSE
0:22:31 > 0:22:34Well done.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Good girl.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40I've got a surprise for you. I've been hearing that you've got a dog.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42- I got a smasher, yeah. - Have you?- Yeah.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45- What's his name?- His name's Archie. - Hm, OK. I think he might be here.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48- Have you got my dog here? - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:48 > 0:22:51- How have you got my dog here? - Can we bring in Archie?
0:22:51 > 0:22:53My... he'll attack!
0:22:53 > 0:22:57Smasher! Top man!
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Top man, come here.
0:22:59 > 0:23:00Archie!
0:23:03 > 0:23:05- Archie, top mutt.- There you go. - Cheers, man.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Hey!
0:23:07 > 0:23:11- Look at all these arseholes! Look. - LAUGHTER
0:23:11 > 0:23:14ALL: Ahhh!
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- Are you the number one smasher in the world? - LAUGHTER
0:23:17 > 0:23:20He's got attitude. What an absolute cracker!
0:23:20 > 0:23:21So, you want to do some agility with him?
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Yeah, he wants to attack.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Archie, do you want to see... Oh, I don't want him to do it.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29- I just like him being naughty! - LAUGHTER
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Top mutt, let's do some agility. Do you fancy that?
0:23:32 > 0:23:33I tell you what, he's not going to.
0:23:33 > 0:23:37- He's going to piss on something! - LAUGHTER
0:23:37 > 0:23:42Archie, this is your moment to be on telly and you're going to nail it.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46- "Damn right, I am, sir!" - LAUGHTER
0:23:46 > 0:23:48"These pricks better recognise."
0:23:49 > 0:23:54Right, let's do this bit through here and again with...
0:23:54 > 0:23:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:03 > 0:24:06I know he'd like to say a few words
0:24:06 > 0:24:09because there's a particular dog that Archie hates
0:24:09 > 0:24:11and he'd like to say this to the camera. Wouldn't you?
0:24:11 > 0:24:13"Monty...
0:24:13 > 0:24:16"Monty, if you're watching...
0:24:16 > 0:24:18- "I hate you..." - LAUGHTER
0:24:18 > 0:24:21"..and I'm going to kill you."
0:24:21 > 0:24:23- Ladies and gentlemen... - LAUGHTER
0:24:23 > 0:24:25that's the end of the mystery guest.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28I'm going to take this smasher for a drink.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- Please give it for the wonderful Natasha!- Thank you.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35- APPLAUSE - And for Archie, top mutt!
0:24:35 > 0:24:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:41 > 0:24:44Take a look at this story from Iran.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47This Iranian guy, a 21-year-old,
0:24:47 > 0:24:51thought it'd be a really great idea to have a tattoo on his penis.
0:24:51 > 0:24:52LAUGHTER
0:24:52 > 0:24:56We haven't got a picture but we do have what he wrote on it.
0:25:00 > 0:25:01LAUGHTER
0:25:01 > 0:25:04The trouble is when it's cold, girls will be going,
0:25:04 > 0:25:05"Why does it say 'boat' on your dick?"
0:25:05 > 0:25:07- LAUGHTER - It's madness.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11If you're going to get anything tattooed on your penis, get this.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Ain't nobody got time for that! LAUGHTER
0:25:14 > 0:25:16The best thing about this story -
0:25:16 > 0:25:18the penis tattoo didn't exactly work out.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Since that happened he now has a permanent erection.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22GROANING AND LAUGHTER
0:25:22 > 0:25:24I think this guy sums it up best.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30APPLAUSE
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Tonight's story is about Claire Squires,
0:25:36 > 0:25:39who tragically died running the London Marathon last weekend.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Claire's aim was to raise just 500 quid for the Samaritans,
0:25:41 > 0:25:45but with the incredible outpouring of support from around the world,
0:25:45 > 0:25:49donations have been continuing to come in at, like, £14,000 an hour.
0:25:49 > 0:25:50Look at this, it's wonderful.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53The 30-year-old hairdresser, from Leicestershire,
0:25:53 > 0:25:57collapsed near St James' Park, on the final stretch of the course.
0:25:57 > 0:26:01The tributes have been pouring in but so too have donations.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03In 24 hours Claire's story has gone global,
0:26:03 > 0:26:05with hundreds of pounds' worth of donations
0:26:05 > 0:26:07made by strangers every minute.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11At the beginning of the day, the total stood at around 3,000.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Now it is nearing 99,000...
0:26:14 > 0:26:16- ..£180,000...- ..£218,000...
0:26:16 > 0:26:18..£264,000...
0:26:18 > 0:26:21..£597,000...
0:26:21 > 0:26:24And this is not people giving large sums of money.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26In many cases, it is five or £10,
0:26:26 > 0:26:30showing this cause is having an increasingly widespread appeal.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34Others have got in touch from Australia, New Zealand and Tokyo,
0:26:34 > 0:26:37as different nations have woken up to the story.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40She was the most beautiful person, inside and out,
0:26:40 > 0:26:41but she had no idea of it.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44She had no arrogance about her at all.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46She was a giver all the time.
0:26:46 > 0:26:51Claire was already well-known in her home town as a tireless fundraiser,
0:26:51 > 0:26:56now her story is inspiring thousands of strangers all over the world.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59- There you go. - APPLAUSE
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Thanks very much for watching Good News.
0:27:02 > 0:27:03Good night, my friends.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06CHEERING
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd