0:00:15 > 0:00:22This programme contains some strong language and adult humour.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24APPLAUSE
0:00:31 > 0:00:35Hello. Welcome to Good News. I tell you what,
0:00:35 > 0:00:37it doesn't take much to distract Dan Lobb.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40The Culture Secretary is now on borrowed time, and...
0:00:40 > 0:00:45Oh, Morrissey tickets available for Manchester in July!
0:00:45 > 0:00:52He's great. It can be absolutely anything...
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Step outside and go... (TAKES DEEP BREATH) What do you think?
0:00:55 > 0:00:57My script's the same colour as your top.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00LAUGHTER
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Here's a question...
0:01:04 > 0:01:07what's Peter Levy doing under his desk?
0:01:07 > 0:01:10350th birthday of...
0:01:13 > 0:01:17Either my telly's broken, or there's been some big changes at Sky News.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23This is Sky News, with Eamonn Holmes.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Good morning.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30You look different, Eamonn!
0:01:30 > 0:01:34Finally, Charlie Stayt revealed what he's like in the bedroom.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Filthier than a toilet seat.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41The best bit, check out Louise's reaction.
0:01:43 > 0:01:44What a thought!
0:01:48 > 0:01:49So, what's been going on?
0:01:49 > 0:01:53Everyone's favourite royal was back in the news.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Prince Philip left royal well-wishers aghast
0:01:56 > 0:01:59after a comment about a woman's chest during the Queen's Jubilee tour.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Damn right. Did you hear what he said?
0:02:02 > 0:02:07The Duke was on a royal walkabout when he came to council worker Hannah Jackson,
0:02:07 > 0:02:11whose red dress had a zip running down the front.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13He told the police officer standing next to him,
0:02:13 > 0:02:17"I would get arrested if I unzipped that dress."
0:02:17 > 0:02:23- PRINCE PHILIP VOICE:- Hello! Can I unzip your dress?
0:02:23 > 0:02:27Hey, copper, how many years if I do the motorboat?
0:02:31 > 0:02:34That wasn't his only gaffe of the day.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37He also met a lady in a wheelchair, wearing a foil blanket.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41So, what did he say to her?
0:02:44 > 0:02:46HE MOUTHS
0:02:52 > 0:02:56You look like a baked potato! Look, Liz, she's in a wheelchair!
0:02:56 > 0:02:58It's meals on wheels!
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Can I unzip YOUR dress?
0:03:07 > 0:03:10That wasn't the only royal news. Did you see this?
0:03:17 > 0:03:19I think we all know who bought them.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22350th birthday...
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Elsewhere in Britain,
0:03:24 > 0:03:27have you seen how the Government are trying to help parents?
0:03:27 > 0:03:31'David Cameron told parents he wants to make life easier for them.'
0:03:31 > 0:03:36From today, new parents will be able to sign up to a service
0:03:36 > 0:03:41so that they get regular e-mails and texts about looking after their baby.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Yeah, that's exactly what you need -
0:03:43 > 0:03:48text messages from David Cameron telling you how to raise your kids.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Imagine the useful advice a Tory millionaire will give you.
0:03:57 > 0:04:02Thanks, Dave! It isn't just messages. Look what else they're offering.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Support via text and e-mail is offered
0:04:05 > 0:04:07alongside vouchers for parenting classes.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11Parenting classes! To be honest, some people need them.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13This is not how you put your kid to sleep.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Daddy!
0:04:25 > 0:04:31Can you imagine how patronising the classes would be? Morning, everyone!
0:04:31 > 0:04:35This is a nice cake for a baby.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40This is a bad cake.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Let's face it, you can teach parents all you want,
0:04:48 > 0:04:51ultimately, kids make their own decisions.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Repeat after me.
0:04:53 > 0:04:54Dad.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56- Dad.- Ga.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57- Dad.- Ga.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00- Dad.- Dad.- Dad.
0:05:00 > 0:05:01Dad.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04- Who's your favourite?- Mum.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13The big sporting news was all about the Flame.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17- The Olympic Flame.- The Olympic Flame.- The Olympic Flame. - The Olympic Flame.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20You run that Flame, baby!
0:05:20 > 0:05:23The Flame had to be flown from Greece.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25So, who looked after it on the plane?
0:05:25 > 0:05:29It's Very Posh and Becks.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33I love that photo! It looks like Beckham's going, "Who is this dick?!"
0:05:33 > 0:05:38And Boris is going, "I like the sun and the sun likes me!"
0:05:39 > 0:05:42I bet Boris was a nightmare on the plane.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45AS BORIS: "Becks, let's use the Flame to light our farts!"
0:05:45 > 0:05:50AS BECKHAM: "Not now, Boris, I'm trying to watch a film.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53"I hope they find him.
0:05:54 > 0:05:55"Poor little fish."
0:05:59 > 0:06:01It's a Finding Nemo joke.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Now, I love how people welcome the Flame.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06In Cornwall, they went big.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13In Devon, they just got a local nutter.
0:06:17 > 0:06:22Finally in this section, celebrities have been trying to stop obesity.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Chef Jamie Oliver and footballer Steven Gerrard
0:06:25 > 0:06:29say the pride of hosting the Olympic Games has been tainted by the fact
0:06:29 > 0:06:32that Britain is officially the fattest nation in Europe.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36Damn straight. It's already affected our gymnasts.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Our swimmers aren't much better.
0:06:59 > 0:07:04Still, on the bright side, at least we're not as bad as the Americans.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20Have you seen what the Indonesian government are doing to stop people
0:07:20 > 0:07:22riding on top of trains?
0:07:22 > 0:07:26In most countries, fare-dodging will get you a fine.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28In Indonesia, it gets you this.
0:07:30 > 0:07:35If they go on the roof, they get a metal ball to the face.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36Ain't nobody got time for that!
0:07:36 > 0:07:39CHEERING
0:07:41 > 0:07:45We think we've got it bad. "My train was delayed!"
0:07:45 > 0:07:48They get happy-slapped by robot bollocks!
0:07:48 > 0:07:51It gets even weirder. Look at the reason why they're doing it.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53According to statistics,
0:07:53 > 0:07:58riding on the roofs of trains killed 11 people in Indonesia last year.
0:07:58 > 0:08:04They're trying to stop the risk of death by increasing the risk of death.
0:08:05 > 0:08:10"How can we stop them dying?" "Let's kill them."
0:08:10 > 0:08:14That said, maybe metal balls would be good over here.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18TINNY DANCE MUSIC PLAYS FROM HEADPHONES
0:08:23 > 0:08:26CHEERING
0:08:30 > 0:08:34From scary trains to the freakiest wedding ever.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36A unique wedding in Seattle this afternoon,
0:08:36 > 0:08:40as people came together to witness the union of a woman and a building.
0:08:41 > 0:08:47A woman married a building! She must love watching Grand Designs.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Oh, God!
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Oh, my ass!
0:08:53 > 0:08:57Oh, look at the brickwork! Oh!
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02I don't even know what that is!
0:09:02 > 0:09:07She's obsessed. Did you see her wedding vows?
0:09:07 > 0:09:09She even did a little song.
0:09:09 > 0:09:14# I cleaned your rooms Washed your floors
0:09:14 > 0:09:19# Built community and opened some doors... #
0:09:19 > 0:09:24# I dusted your bedrooms Cleaned window panes
0:09:24 > 0:09:27# I married a building I'm fucking insane. #
0:09:27 > 0:09:30APPLAUSE
0:09:32 > 0:09:36I'd love it if the building sang back...
0:09:36 > 0:09:39# Leave me alone, bitch I need my space
0:09:39 > 0:09:44# What's that red shit all over your face?! #
0:09:45 > 0:09:47I'm not sure the marriage will last.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50Her ex-boyfriend found out, and he was not happy.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51Son of a bitch!
0:09:51 > 0:09:55EXPLOSION
0:09:55 > 0:09:58It's not the funniest relationship story of the week, though.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01If you think your girlfriend is upset with you,
0:10:01 > 0:10:03it's got nothing on this one.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06A Tampa area man has some explaining to do after he says
0:10:06 > 0:10:10he mistook his girlfriend for a wild hog and shot her.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17In case you're struggling to comprehend that...
0:10:17 > 0:10:21He thought his wife was a pig and he shot her in the arse!
0:10:22 > 0:10:24I told my mum about this. What did she say?
0:10:24 > 0:10:27"Should have gone to Specsavers!"
0:10:31 > 0:10:34I've saved the weirdest for last. Have a look at this insane story.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43If they get the weather wrong, they go to prison.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47"What are you in for?" "Scattered showers."
0:10:47 > 0:10:49"You will be scattered in the showers."
0:10:49 > 0:10:51"Stop saying that."
0:10:53 > 0:10:57If they're this harsh, imagine what they'd have done to this guy.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00By and large, it is a lovely winter's day tomorrow.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Bucket loads of BLEEP... Er...
0:11:02 > 0:11:04LAUGHTER
0:11:04 > 0:11:06He's going to jail!
0:11:09 > 0:11:12The big news in sport was definitely this.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Chelsea have been crowned European champions in Munich.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Chelsea won the Champions League for the first time ever.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21So, how did the fans celebrate? Some sang.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23# Championes, championes
0:11:23 > 0:11:26# Ole, ole, ole! #
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Others got a bit carried away.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37- You don't want to see the rest of that clip! - LAUGHTER
0:11:37 > 0:11:41You think that's weird? This was definitely the strangest reaction.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43CHEERING
0:11:51 > 0:11:54LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:11:57 > 0:12:00We won! Yeah! Let's shag the dog!
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Ah!
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Why are we sh...? I don't know!
0:12:04 > 0:12:08It gets weirder. Did you see what the fans were throwing
0:12:08 > 0:12:10at the players during the victory parade?
0:12:10 > 0:12:14You'll see on the ground
0:12:14 > 0:12:17and in the air as well, lots of celery flying.
0:12:17 > 0:12:18LAUGHTER
0:12:18 > 0:12:22Celery?! Who celebrates by throwing vegetables? I can't believe we won!
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Pass me that broccoli.
0:12:25 > 0:12:30It's the best day of my life. Is that a radish? Go on!
0:12:30 > 0:12:32So, why were they throwing celery?
0:12:32 > 0:12:36It's all to do with this beautiful ballad that the Chelsea fans sing.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38SINGING:
0:12:44 > 0:12:46LAUGHTER
0:12:46 > 0:12:50Well, that is not how to get your five a day!
0:12:50 > 0:12:53Also, there's people watching the show who have never had sex.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Don't ever do that!
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Wouldn't it be great if there's somebody watching at home going...
0:13:00 > 0:13:01HE GASPS
0:13:04 > 0:13:06"How did he know?"
0:13:06 > 0:13:08After they got rid of the celery,
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Frank Lampard paid tribute to the fans.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12It was the most amazing night of our careers,
0:13:12 > 0:13:15and we're so pleased to come back and celebrate with our fans.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19Drogba? He did an impression of a car stuck in traffic.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22- Beep, beep! - ALL: Yay!
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- Beep, beep!- Yay! - Beep, beep!- Yay!
0:13:25 > 0:13:27No idea!
0:13:27 > 0:13:30My favourite player was definitely David Luiz.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Fair to say, when he did this interview on Italian TV,
0:13:33 > 0:13:35he'd had a few drinks.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37IN PORTUGUESE
0:13:54 > 0:13:57He was still hammered the next day.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04CHEERING
0:14:04 > 0:14:06CHEERING
0:14:09 > 0:14:11SINGS:
0:14:15 > 0:14:17# I'm so wankered
0:14:17 > 0:14:21# I don't know my own name! #
0:14:21 > 0:14:25LAUGHTER AND CHEERING
0:14:25 > 0:14:28From Chelsea's victory to something really weird.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30This must be the strangest sport ever.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Before you get excited, that is rabbits as in "Ah!"
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Not as in "Br-r-r!"
0:14:39 > 0:14:41LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:14:41 > 0:14:44That's a very different kind of event.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46LAUGHTER
0:14:46 > 0:14:48I'm winning! I'm winning!
0:14:48 > 0:14:50LAUGHTER
0:14:50 > 0:14:53This is genuinely a story about the Rabbit Grand National.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Do you want to meet the woman
0:14:55 > 0:14:57that trains the fastest rabbits in England?
0:14:57 > 0:15:00REPORTER: Maureen Boyle keeps international athletes
0:15:00 > 0:15:03in her garden shed.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05She's the UK's leading rabbit trainer.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09Novice Roger the Belgian hare is having his first training session
0:15:09 > 0:15:10in Maureen's indoor arena.
0:15:10 > 0:15:15Wow! She's got an indoor arena.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17AKA, the hall.
0:15:17 > 0:15:18LAUGHTER
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Mind you, I bet Roger's amazing.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24It's looking good till the post arrives.
0:15:24 > 0:15:25LAUGHTER
0:15:25 > 0:15:29Forget about Roger, he's a fucking joker!
0:15:29 > 0:15:31This next guy is the real deal.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Smudge is her prize champion.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Oh, look at that hopping action!
0:15:36 > 0:15:41Wait for it. Wait for it. Go on!
0:15:41 > 0:15:42It's thrilling.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Damn right, it's thrilling.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48It's the most incredible thing I've ever seen!
0:15:48 > 0:15:51Nobody is going to out-jump Smudge. He's a legend.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Let's have a look at the pitiful dickheads
0:15:54 > 0:15:56who are going to take the mighty Smudge on.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Fuck it, he'll make a lovely pair of slippers.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Now here's a cracking story about a woman under siege.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14REPORTER: It was the most bizarre request for help
0:16:14 > 0:16:16these 911 dispatchers had ever heard.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24So what was it? An alligator? A snake?
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Oh, no. It was much more terrifying.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31The home owner discovered a squirrel swimming in the toilet.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33LAUGHTER
0:16:33 > 0:16:35I love it they say that he was swimming,
0:16:35 > 0:16:39like she opened the toilet seat and he's wearing armbands.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41LAUGHTER
0:16:41 > 0:16:42"Hey, baby.
0:16:42 > 0:16:47"Don't pull that flush. Toilet hot tub!"
0:16:47 > 0:16:48LAUGHTER
0:16:48 > 0:16:50I love the overreaction of the police.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Officer Derek Kennedy was first to respond.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55As soon as I saw the squirrel, I knew I'd need back-up.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57LAUGHTER
0:16:57 > 0:17:01I had to open fire, he had a goddamn hazelnut!
0:17:01 > 0:17:05Luckily, the squirrel got away. In fact, he gave me an interview.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08BRISTOLIAN ACCENT: What a bloody day!
0:17:08 > 0:17:09I'm having a swim, I look up,
0:17:09 > 0:17:13all of a sudden I got a face full of granny fanny!
0:17:13 > 0:17:14LAUGHTER
0:17:14 > 0:17:18I run away, suddenly some police arsehole tries to shoot me.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Did he hit me? Did he fuck!
0:17:21 > 0:17:23LAUGHTER
0:17:23 > 0:17:24Hmph! Dickheads!
0:17:24 > 0:17:25LAUGHTER
0:17:25 > 0:17:29Now, a story about watching a film way too loudly.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33REPORTER: 'Bret Stieghorst was mistaken for a rapist
0:17:33 > 0:17:35'after his neighbour heard some unusual noises
0:17:35 > 0:17:37'coming from his apartment.'
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Apparently way too loudly.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43He was watching porn so loud,
0:17:43 > 0:17:45his neighbour thought he was raping someone.
0:17:45 > 0:17:46LAUGHTER
0:17:46 > 0:17:49So, did the neighbour call the police? Knock the door?
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Oh, no, he went loco!
0:17:51 > 0:17:54He ran up the stairs with his sword,
0:17:54 > 0:17:57kicked in the door and broke the door's lock.
0:17:57 > 0:18:02He comes in with his three-foot-long sword and shouts, "Where is she?"
0:18:02 > 0:18:05A three-foot-long sword!
0:18:05 > 0:18:08He must have been terrified! One minute he's watching porn,
0:18:08 > 0:18:10the next minute, he's confronted by the ninja wank fairy!
0:18:10 > 0:18:14LAUGHTER
0:18:14 > 0:18:18What I want to know, how loud must the porn have been?
0:18:18 > 0:18:22Who listens to porn with the volume up?!
0:18:22 > 0:18:25"I know, I fancy a tug. I'll hook this up to the speakers.
0:18:25 > 0:18:30"Open the windows. Hello, I'm just going to have a wank!
0:18:30 > 0:18:33"Just thought I'd let you know! Love you, Nan!"
0:18:33 > 0:18:35LAUGHTER
0:18:35 > 0:18:37The best bit about this story?
0:18:37 > 0:18:41Check out the bloke's reaction to this knife-wielding lunatic.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44Bret now thinks twice when he hears a knock at the door,
0:18:44 > 0:18:49but will he think twice about watching adult films from now on?
0:18:49 > 0:18:50No way!
0:18:50 > 0:18:52LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:18:52 > 0:18:53No way, man!
0:18:53 > 0:18:58It's like my grandad said, if it ain't got titties, that movie's shitty!
0:19:02 > 0:19:05This is the part of the show I genuinely don't know anything about.
0:19:05 > 0:19:06It's a mystery guest.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09I have to figure out who they are. Please welcome my mystery guest.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11APPLAUSE
0:19:18 > 0:19:20- Are you OK?- Yes, thank you.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22It was slapping down on you.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26- I know, but I don't worry about those things.- OK.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28- My name's Russell, what's your name?- Jocelyn.
0:19:28 > 0:19:29Nice to meet you.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33I imagine, Jocelyn, either you own a shoe shop
0:19:33 > 0:19:35or you're an excellent but specific thief?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37LAUGHTER
0:19:37 > 0:19:41- Do you steal shoes? - I don't remember stealing any shoes.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Anything to do with shoes?
0:19:43 > 0:19:46I hope it does, or this is a bit weird.
0:19:46 > 0:19:47LAUGHTER
0:19:47 > 0:19:50A little bit to do with shoes.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Can you give me a clue? Everything rhymes with shoes!
0:19:53 > 0:19:55But this doesn't!
0:19:55 > 0:19:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:03 > 0:20:05OK.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07I have no idea.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Is it anything to do with these weird buttons?
0:20:09 > 0:20:13- That gives you a good clue.- Erm...
0:20:13 > 0:20:15LAUGHTER
0:20:15 > 0:20:19Am I being an idiot? I have no idea. It looks like a chess set.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22- You'll never be an idiot, will you? - AUDIENCE: Ah!
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Ah, what a lovely thing to say!
0:20:24 > 0:20:27But, historically, I have proven to be an idiot.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29LAUGHTER
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Does anyone have an idea?
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Lady in the back, waving her hand.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35- Roller disco? - Is it a roller disco?
0:20:35 > 0:20:39- Very close.- Really?
0:20:39 > 0:20:41APPLAUSE
0:20:41 > 0:20:43APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:20:43 > 0:20:45It's close.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49- You run roller discos?- No.- No!
0:20:49 > 0:20:51That's not what I was in the news for.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53Why were you in the news?
0:20:53 > 0:20:57I was in the news as I'm Britain's oldest roller skating teacher.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00There you go, that's worth a round of applause.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02APPLAUSE
0:21:02 > 0:21:04I told you I could be an idiot. I said that.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07So, are we having a go at roller skating? Are you up for that?
0:21:07 > 0:21:09We are going to have a go.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12OK. Excellent, let's have a clip of you in action.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16This is me skating with an injured heel.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19- I would have liked to have done more, but there it is. - Let's have a look.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38APPLAUSE
0:21:38 > 0:21:42- Right!- My goodness.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44My goodness me.
0:21:44 > 0:21:50I cannot skate. I'm going to break my legs. Stop laughing.
0:21:50 > 0:21:51It's like...
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Not if I can help it.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57Yeah. It's just that my legs just want to dance.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59LAUGHTER
0:21:59 > 0:22:03- Just hold this barrier. This is what it's here for.- OK.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07We want to introduce you to the artistic kind of roller skating.
0:22:07 > 0:22:08OK.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Do you think you'd like to try it?
0:22:11 > 0:22:12If my legs...
0:22:12 > 0:22:14LAUGHTER
0:22:14 > 0:22:18I fancy it, my legs don't, but what the hell. Here we go.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Right. So...
0:22:20 > 0:22:23You know when you watch a nature programme
0:22:23 > 0:22:27and there's a penguin, you think he ain't going to live?
0:22:27 > 0:22:29It's just like that! "Mum, wait for me!"
0:22:29 > 0:22:33"He ain't making it through the winter."
0:22:33 > 0:22:34Oh...
0:22:34 > 0:22:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:38 > 0:22:40WOLF WHISTLES
0:22:45 > 0:22:46Oh...
0:22:49 > 0:22:50- Oh...- Hold onto there.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Hey, I've got an idea. I have a way we can make this artistic.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55This is the way to do it.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57You are trying to woo me. OK?
0:22:57 > 0:22:58LAUGHTER
0:22:58 > 0:23:00I've...
0:23:00 > 0:23:03LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:08 > 0:23:11I've got it, right, you'll try and woo me.
0:23:11 > 0:23:17I'll play the role of poor village boy, tied to this rail,
0:23:17 > 0:23:21he cannot leave the rail until his true love comes along
0:23:21 > 0:23:24- and releases him from the rail. - I'm here, darling.
0:23:24 > 0:23:28LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Now, give me your hands. There's a good chap.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38WHOOPING
0:23:38 > 0:23:41That's it. Now, then. Feet out.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45APPLAUSE
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Out and in.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00And out and in.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02LAUGHTER
0:24:05 > 0:24:08Oh, God.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Go on. Bend...straighten.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13LAUGHTER
0:24:15 > 0:24:17You try that.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19W...
0:24:19 > 0:24:24- My grandchildren might be watching, behave yourself.- Sorry!
0:24:24 > 0:24:28If your grandchildren are watching, what's happening?!
0:24:28 > 0:24:30LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:24:30 > 0:24:33It's been fun.
0:24:33 > 0:24:37- I just can't do it. I feel like I've let you down.- You can be my toy boy.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:24:42 > 0:24:46Ladies and gentlemen, please, give it up for my Mystery Guest!
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Elsewhere in Britain, it was the Sony Awards.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Basically, they're the Oscars of the radio world.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Did you see who won Best Entertainment Show?
0:24:59 > 0:25:0486-year-old Beryl and 90-year-old Betty are Sony Awards winners.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08And the winners - if I was 80 years younger - Beryl and Betty!
0:25:10 > 0:25:15The biggest radio award was won by a couple of pensioner DJs.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18Did you see them on the red carpet? They were brilliant.
0:25:18 > 0:25:23- How does it feel to be here? - It feels absolutely fantastic.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27- What are you most looking forward to tonight?- Chicken dinner!
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Chicken dinner!
0:25:29 > 0:25:34This woman is obsessed, and I mean obsessed, with chicken.
0:25:34 > 0:25:39A chicken dinner! That shocked them, didn't it? A chicken dinner.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43- Best of luck to you.- Thank you. Am I getting a chicken dinner?
0:25:43 > 0:25:45LAUGHTER
0:25:45 > 0:25:47I love her so much.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51"Are you excited about seeing celebrities?" "No, Nando's."
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Imagine her at the Oscars? "You're sat next to Tom Cruise!"
0:25:54 > 0:25:56"That's lovely, has he got a Zinger meal?"
0:25:56 > 0:25:58LAUGHTER
0:25:58 > 0:26:01She may love chicken but she's got no time for this bloke.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04What's the secret of making a good radio show?
0:26:04 > 0:26:06Just get on with your life, love.
0:26:09 > 0:26:10Fuck off, pal.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Unbelievably, some people are criticising them for winning -
0:26:14 > 0:26:17apparently they're too old to be stars in the music world.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21Bollocks, you're never too old to enjoy music, right, love?
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Yeah!
0:26:28 > 0:26:31Now, this is an amazing story about two brothers
0:26:31 > 0:26:34and the unbreakable bond between them. Enjoy.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38Jenny and Jeff Lawn found out in 2005
0:26:38 > 0:26:42that two-year-old Connor would have a younger brother.
0:26:42 > 0:26:47Shortly after Caden was born, they realised that something was wrong.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51At four months old, they received the diagnosis.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Cerebral palsy.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58Connor wished that Caden could come out and play with him more.
0:26:58 > 0:27:03I think that had been on his mind more than what we know as a parent.
0:27:03 > 0:27:08Eight-year-old Connor and six-year-old Caden compete as a team.
0:27:09 > 0:27:15An idea born from one brother's desire to connect with the other.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18They wanted to be a part of the biggest race they could find.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20The Iron Kids' Triathlon.
0:27:20 > 0:27:24With so many children, organisers told the family they were uncertain
0:27:24 > 0:27:29if there was room for Caden's raft and trailer on the course.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32When they told us that, I told Connor,
0:27:32 > 0:27:34Caden might not be able to do the race with you.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37Would you consider doing it by yourself?
0:27:37 > 0:27:41He said no, he would stay at home before he left his brother out.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44Organisers eventually cleared the boys to race.
0:27:44 > 0:27:49When you start a race, what are you thinking about?
0:27:57 > 0:28:00From the pool to the pavement,
0:28:00 > 0:28:05the team of Connor and Caden Lawn finished last,
0:28:05 > 0:28:09but as brothers, they finished.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14Pretty cool, eh - pretty cool indeed.
0:28:14 > 0:28:19Thank you very much for watching Good News. Good night, my friends.
0:28:29 > 0:28:34Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd