0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains adult humour and some strong language.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26Hello!
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Hello, and welcome to Good News.
0:00:36 > 0:00:42So - what's been happening? Over on BBC Breakfast, Susanna Reid revealed her ultimate turn-on.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44Slow...cooking.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Bill Turnbull was so excited, he had an orgasm.
0:00:49 > 0:00:50Ah...
0:00:52 > 0:00:57Here's a tip. Don't do a report on fish if you're scared of fish!
0:00:57 > 0:01:00And look - they're big. This one is about 12lbs,
0:01:00 > 0:01:02but they can grow... SHE SHRIEKS IN TERROR
0:01:06 > 0:01:10And finally, there's been loads of Halloween costumes in the news
0:01:10 > 0:01:13but this was definitely my favourite.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26It's like Bill Gates with a really itchy nose!
0:01:31 > 0:01:35The big news in the US was all about Hurricane Sandy.
0:01:35 > 0:01:41Superstorm Sandy leaves a trail of devastation across the eastern coast of the United States.
0:01:41 > 0:01:42Obama said this...
0:01:42 > 0:01:44You need to take this very seriously.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47And minutes later, some kids did this...
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Just had a brief lull...
0:01:49 > 0:01:51WORDS DROWNED OUT BY AUDIENCE LAUGHTER
0:01:56 > 0:01:58They weren't the only ones pissing about.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02Did you know some people were actually SURFING in the middle of the storm?
0:02:02 > 0:02:06Judging by this interview, some of them were pretty stoned when they did it.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10SLURRED: You get the best barrels ever, dude... You fall in,
0:02:10 > 0:02:13and you get spit right out of 'em!
0:02:13 > 0:02:16You just drop in and just... smack it... Whoopeh!
0:02:16 > 0:02:18HE BECOMES INCREASINGLY INDISTINCT
0:02:18 > 0:02:22..and then after that, you just drop in, ride the barrel and get pitted!
0:02:22 > 0:02:27Back in Britain, and we're in the money!
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Britain is officially out of recession.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32The latest figures show the economy grew by 1%
0:02:32 > 0:02:34in the three months to September.
0:02:34 > 0:02:38This guy was so delighted, he did an impression of a nodding dog.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41The economic growth in 2012 as a whole is positive.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44STEPH McGOVERN: We heard Wayne though saying that
0:02:44 > 0:02:47it doesn't feel much different to him, he doesn't feel like
0:02:47 > 0:02:50we're suddenly out of recession, even though the news today...
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Mind you, it's little wonder we're making so much dollar
0:02:53 > 0:02:56when the country's got salesmen like this.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59# Come on, ladies, come on, ladies
0:02:59 > 0:03:01# One pound fish!
0:03:01 > 0:03:04# Come on, ladies, come on, ladies
0:03:04 > 0:03:06# One pound fish!
0:03:06 > 0:03:08# One pound fish!
0:03:08 > 0:03:12# Come and have a look! One pound fish!
0:03:12 > 0:03:14# Very, very good! One pound fish!
0:03:14 > 0:03:17# Very, very cheap! One pound fish!
0:03:17 > 0:03:19# Six for five pound, one pound each... #
0:03:20 > 0:03:22If only he'd say how much it cost(!)
0:03:24 > 0:03:26The most incredible part of this story -
0:03:26 > 0:03:30have you seen one of the reasons why we're out of recession?
0:03:30 > 0:03:3250 Shades Of Grey!
0:03:34 > 0:03:37People have spent millions on sex toys. It's true!
0:03:45 > 0:03:47And...there's been a 200% increase
0:03:47 > 0:03:50in the sales of jiggle balls!
0:03:52 > 0:03:56Which means the economy turning around isn't due to Cameron or Osborne -
0:03:56 > 0:03:59it's down to wanking mums!
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Very nice!
0:04:04 > 0:04:07You dirty little heroes!
0:04:07 > 0:04:11Britain's back in the green cos you're flicking your bean!
0:04:13 > 0:04:21Imagine kids in the future - "Mummy...how did Britain get out of the 2012 double-dip recession?"
0:04:21 > 0:04:22"Love beads!"
0:04:24 > 0:04:30Mind you, sex toys are all well and good, but one word of advice - never fart in a gimp suit.
0:04:34 > 0:04:3750 Shades wasn't the only book making headlines this week.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Did you see Pippa Middleton has got a book out?
0:04:40 > 0:04:44The Duchess of Cambridge's sister has been promoting her first book.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48Pippa Middleton's first attempt in print
0:04:48 > 0:04:51is described as a one-stop guide to entertaining throughout the year.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Wow! A book on entertaining!
0:04:54 > 0:04:57So what incredibly original ideas does she have
0:04:57 > 0:04:59that nobody could ever think of?
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Pippa offers practical party tips like...
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Wow!
0:05:09 > 0:05:12What other tips has she got?
0:05:12 > 0:05:17"If you go to the cinema... why not try a thing called popcorn!
0:05:17 > 0:05:20"Look at my bum!
0:05:20 > 0:05:23"It's all roundy-roundy magic happy!"
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Did you see her press launch?
0:05:25 > 0:05:29There was a great moment when a little girl slammed her sister.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31- How old are you...? Six? - Nearly seven.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35I bet when you're ten, you'll love pink and princesses.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38I hate princesses.
0:05:38 > 0:05:42"I also hate people who are just famous for their arse.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47"Jog on, pumpkin butt!"
0:05:50 > 0:05:51This book is such bollocks.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54She had an entire section on fancy dress.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Not one mention of this guy...
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Now - I know it's wrong...
0:06:07 > 0:06:09LAUGHTER
0:06:09 > 0:06:12..but this story really made me laugh.
0:06:12 > 0:06:1331-year-old William Martinez
0:06:13 > 0:06:16suffered a heart attack and died during a threesome.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25He had a heart attack and died during a threesome!
0:06:25 > 0:06:28GOAT SCREECHES
0:06:31 > 0:06:35I'd love to see that funeral. "He died doing what he loved...
0:06:36 > 0:06:37"..and her friend"!
0:06:39 > 0:06:41What a weird way to die.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43"I'm coming...!" "I'm going."
0:06:44 > 0:06:48It gets weirder. Look what happened to his wife.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Martinez's wife has been awarded 3 million after filing
0:06:51 > 0:06:54a lawsuit against her husband's doctor for lack of proper care.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57How is it the doctor's fault?!
0:06:57 > 0:07:02What's he supposed to do? "Take these tablets twice a day, and easy on the gangbangs!"
0:07:02 > 0:07:07Not that it's the weirdest story about death in the news.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Check this out, from Serbia.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Grieving 72-year-old Milan Marinkovic
0:07:12 > 0:07:16wanted to fulfil his wife Milena's last request not to be forgotten...
0:07:16 > 0:07:18by having her likeness carved on her grave.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Aaah! Isn't that sweet?
0:07:20 > 0:07:24It's the sweetest thing I've ever heard.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27So what did he put on her grave? A lovely picture of her face?
0:07:27 > 0:07:31It wasn't her face that the dying woman wanted her husband to remember the most...
0:07:31 > 0:07:33it was her vagina.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42She's got a cast of her vagina...on her grave?!
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Very nice!
0:07:44 > 0:07:46LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:07:51 > 0:07:54I love the fact that it was her idea!
0:07:54 > 0:07:58On her deathbed - "Will you do one thing for me when I die?
0:07:58 > 0:08:01"You couldn't put my growler on a grave, could you?"
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Wouldn't it be awful if she didn't actually want this?
0:08:04 > 0:08:07If it turned out her husband was deaf...
0:08:07 > 0:08:10and she was just a massive fan of a bloke called Mike Hunt?!
0:08:12 > 0:08:15"I want Mike Hunt on me grave.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17"Me and Mike Hunt together for ever -
0:08:17 > 0:08:21"d'you know, I want people to stare all day at me and Mike Hunt."
0:08:22 > 0:08:26She's got a vagina on her grave!
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Do you know who I feel sorry for? Her grandchildren.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32"Do you want to visit your nan's grave?" "NO-O-O-O-O!"
0:08:33 > 0:08:36They'll be SO freaked out.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38"Mum? What's that?"
0:08:38 > 0:08:42"Well, erm... that's a butterfly with an Afro."
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Christ, what's HIS gravestone going to look like? This?!
0:08:51 > 0:08:55So, you're probably thinking threesome death, fanny tombstone,
0:08:55 > 0:08:56it can't get weirder than that.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00Well, have a look what this bloke did to his cat.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03What do you do when your cat dies? Have a cry?
0:09:03 > 0:09:06No - you turn him into a helicopter.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21He turned his cat into a helicopter!
0:09:22 > 0:09:24He's the worst parent ever!
0:09:24 > 0:09:27"Dad, have you seen Tiddles?"
0:09:27 > 0:09:29R-r-r-r-r-r-r-r...!
0:09:29 > 0:09:32The poor birds! Imagine that.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34"Lovely day up here..."
0:09:34 > 0:09:36"Fuckin' hell!
0:09:36 > 0:09:38"They've learned to fly!"
0:09:40 > 0:09:44It's ridiculous. Cats aren't meant to fly.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46You just ask this little fella.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Some crazy education stories in the news.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Have a look at what this student did.
0:10:02 > 0:10:0361-year-old Ellen Vick
0:10:03 > 0:10:07says her students put an extra boost in her morning coffee.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10And investigators believe it was much more than caffeine.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Damn right. Look what he slipped in her drink...
0:10:13 > 0:10:15They found something called GluteBoost.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17According to the company's website,
0:10:17 > 0:10:20it is designed to add a little more junk in your trunk.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27He spiked his teacher's coffee with arse-enhancing pills!
0:10:27 > 0:10:28Ain't nobody got time for that!
0:10:30 > 0:10:34It's the weirdest prank ever. "I hate my teacher so much...
0:10:34 > 0:10:37"I'm going to give her a really sexy arse!
0:10:37 > 0:10:39"Bitch!"
0:10:39 > 0:10:44It's ridiculous - surely if you're going to do anything to an arse, you do this...
0:10:47 > 0:10:52Mind you, if you think bubble-butting your teacher's arse is a prank gone wrong,
0:10:52 > 0:10:56check out what happened to this woman on BBC Radio Ulster...
0:11:02 > 0:11:05And what was the horrendous message she read out...?
0:11:17 > 0:11:19LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:11:21 > 0:11:22What?!
0:11:30 > 0:11:32How can you read that out?!
0:11:34 > 0:11:37It's the biggest story - use your brain!
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Now, talking of idiocy,
0:11:40 > 0:11:44take a look at this bizarre story from the Ukraine.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55What absolute bollocks!
0:11:55 > 0:11:59Are there kids going... "Oh, look. A talking sponge who plays his nose like a flute...
0:12:03 > 0:12:06"..I wonder what it's like to suck a dick?"
0:12:08 > 0:12:13I must have missed the episode where SpongeBob did poppers and tromboned Patrick.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Imagine coming out in the Ukraine. How scary would that be?
0:12:19 > 0:12:22"Mum, Dad...I think I'm Squarepants."
0:12:24 > 0:12:29SpongeBob doesn't turn kids gay. He just makes them lose their shit.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31SPONGEBOB TOY TALKS
0:12:31 > 0:12:32KIDS SHRIEK
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Either that or there's cocaine in that orange juice.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Mind you, if you think the Ukrainian government is bad,
0:12:45 > 0:12:48have you heard what they're doing in schools in England?
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Concerns have been raised over children's privacy
0:12:51 > 0:12:53after it was revealed that schools across the country,
0:12:53 > 0:12:55including eight in this region,
0:12:55 > 0:12:58are using CCTV cameras in toilets and changing rooms.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00What?!
0:13:00 > 0:13:01How creepy's that?!
0:13:01 > 0:13:04"Shall we spend money on books?" "Nah...
0:13:06 > 0:13:08"..let's watch them have a shit!"
0:13:09 > 0:13:10How scary would that be?!
0:13:10 > 0:13:12You're having a dump, and then suddenly,
0:13:12 > 0:13:15"Make sure you wipe properly.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20"I'm watching you."
0:13:22 > 0:13:23It's a terrible idea!
0:13:23 > 0:13:27It's like some weird toilet version of Big Brother.
0:13:27 > 0:13:33MARCUS BENTLEY: 'Day 14, and the girls are discussing their upcoming GCSEs.
0:13:33 > 0:13:34'Meanwhile, in the boys',
0:13:34 > 0:13:37'Darren and Russell are seeing how far they can piss up the wall.'
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Eeeey...
0:13:40 > 0:13:42AUDIENCE GROANS
0:13:49 > 0:13:53You think that's mad, you should see what happens in toilets in the Ukraine.
0:13:54 > 0:13:59Oh, ja! Oooh, SpongeBob!
0:13:59 > 0:14:00LAUGHTER
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Oh, ja!
0:14:08 > 0:14:12In political news, it's been a bad week for Silvio Berlusconi.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15The former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi...
0:14:15 > 0:14:18..has been sentenced to four years in jail after being convicted of tax evasion...
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Bye-bye to bunga bunga man.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Did you see the moment the Italian people heard about the news?
0:14:25 > 0:14:30'Silvio Berlusconi has been sentenced to four years in jail for tax fraud.'
0:14:30 > 0:14:33RAUCOUS CHEERING
0:14:33 > 0:14:34I doubt he cares.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37That orange pervert probably thinks prison will be like this...
0:14:37 > 0:14:40"Eeeh!"
0:14:40 > 0:14:42It won't. It will be like this...
0:14:42 > 0:14:45LAUGHTER
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Incredibly, despite the fact he's been found guilty,
0:14:47 > 0:14:52he's never going to go to jail. Have you seen the reason why?
0:14:52 > 0:14:55'Few people over 70 in Italy go to jail any more.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57'Instead, they're put under house arrest,
0:14:57 > 0:15:03'thanks to a law brought by - yes - 76-year-old Mr Berlusconi himself.'
0:15:03 > 0:15:07- BAD BERLUSCONI IMPRESSION:- I also pass the law that means every man
0:15:07 > 0:15:09over 70 must be woken up by a blow job...
0:15:11 > 0:15:13I don't know where I'm from, either.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18I know it's wrong, but I'll miss Berlusconi if he's under house arrest.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21I mean, we'll never see him do stuff like this.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26LAUGHTER
0:15:27 > 0:15:31Despite the hurricane, the US election rumbles on.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34Barack Obama has become the first US president to vote early in an election.
0:15:34 > 0:15:38His campaign want Democrats to cast their ballots as soon as possible.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41He wasn't voting, he was doing this...
0:15:53 > 0:15:56LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:16:01 > 0:16:03He's had a tough old week, Obama.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06He's been under attack from Donald Trump.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Now, Trump refuses to believe that Obama was born in America.
0:16:09 > 0:16:10Look what he's done.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13President Obama is the least transparent president
0:16:13 > 0:16:16in the history of this country.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Trump says he will give 5 million
0:16:18 > 0:16:21to the charity of President Obama's choice,
0:16:21 > 0:16:24if Mr Obama will release his college records
0:16:24 > 0:16:25and passport applications.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29So, how did Obama respond? He slammed him.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31What's this thing with Trump and you? I don't...
0:16:31 > 0:16:34It's like me and Letterman. What has he got against you?
0:16:36 > 0:16:39This all dates back to when we were growing up together in Kenya.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43LAUGHTER
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Boom!
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Mind you, if you think that's a slam,
0:16:48 > 0:16:50check out what this guy said about Mitt Romney.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52TV PLAYS
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Mom, Dad, the election's coming up soon.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56We're tired right now, honey, go back to your room.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Sorry, my friend, but there's no time to snore.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03An out-of-touch millionaire has just declared war.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06On schools, the environment, unions, fair pay.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09We're all on our own if Romney has his way.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13And he's against safety nets - if you fall, tough luck.
0:17:13 > 0:17:18So I strongly suggest that you wake the fuck up.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20LAUGHTER
0:17:20 > 0:17:23You'd never get an advert like that over here.
0:17:23 > 0:17:27Just Ray Winstone, "Vote Lib Dem, you slag!"
0:17:32 > 0:17:35This is the part of the show I don't know anything about.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37There's a mystery guest who's been in the news.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39I have to figure out who that person is.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41So, please welcome my mystery guest!
0:17:41 > 0:17:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:51 > 0:17:54- Hello.- Hi. Nice to meet you.- Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
0:17:54 > 0:17:57- Nileeka.- Nileeka. What a lovely name. - Thank you.- So, this is...
0:17:59 > 0:18:03- I'm getting sort of an Arabian Nights theme.- No, not at all, no.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06I just came off as a bit racist, then.
0:18:08 > 0:18:13- So, has it got anything to do with cushions?- No, not really.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14OK...
0:18:16 > 0:18:20That's not an outline of a really big turd you did?
0:18:20 > 0:18:23- Please tell me that's not why you're here. - That's not why I'm here!
0:18:23 > 0:18:26The last thing we need is a poo sculptor.
0:18:26 > 0:18:27So...
0:18:29 > 0:18:31So, has it got anything to do with these plants?
0:18:31 > 0:18:36- There's something near those plants that's kind of a clue.- OK, excellent.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39- The thing there, yes. Shall we have a look?- Right, so it's underneath here?
0:18:39 > 0:18:44- Yeah.- OK. There you go, there's David Cameron.- Yeah.- Excellent.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47So it's got something to do with David Cameron.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49- Are you a big fan of his? - Not particularly.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51LAUGHTER
0:18:51 > 0:18:53What would you like to do to David Cameron?
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Pretend I'm David Cameron, right in front of you now.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57What would you like to do?
0:18:57 > 0:18:59LAUGHTER
0:19:02 > 0:19:04LAUGHTER
0:19:08 > 0:19:11LAUGHTER
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Am I helping you at all, here?
0:19:21 > 0:19:24I quite like the fact that we're having this awkward moment.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27So something to do with David Cameron. Any other clues?
0:19:27 > 0:19:30- I can show you something. OK. - Excellent.
0:19:30 > 0:19:36- OK, that looks like the beginning of a dance.- Aah, yes, you're warm.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40I'm warm, OK. You...you dance for David Cameron.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44- No. No, I haven't, no.- OK, but you do a dance in honour of David Cameron?
0:19:44 > 0:19:48Kind of. He said something about this.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53He said, "You haven't got the moves, Mama"?
0:19:53 > 0:19:56LAUGHTER No, no, no.
0:19:56 > 0:19:57What did he say about your dancing?
0:19:57 > 0:20:02Well, David Cameron said that Indian dancing wasn't really exercise.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Really? What an arsehole.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Look at that fat, smug prick, up there.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10He's not in shape.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12I know, well, this is why we challenged him
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- to come to one of our Indian dance classes.- And did he come?- No.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16He didn't come?
0:20:16 > 0:20:20Come on, Dave, if you're watching this show, come on.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22LAUGHTER
0:20:22 > 0:20:26- So, we're going to have a dance. - We are going to do a bit of dancing.
0:20:26 > 0:20:31- This could be awkward.- It could be awkward.- I'm not known for my moves.
0:20:32 > 0:20:37- Can you help me?- I can try, shall we give it a go?- I'd love to.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40- But before that, let's check this out.- Oh, lovely.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:55 > 0:20:56R-r-r-ight.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01- You look lovely. I feel a bit silly.- You look great.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05- Thank you. So can you teach me how to dance?- Yes. We're going to teach you some moves.- OK.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08So, the first move you're going to do, your hands will be up here.
0:21:08 > 0:21:13You're going to go, one, two, three, four, flat hands, flat hands.
0:21:13 > 0:21:18- There we go. Shall we go again?- Yeah. - BOTH: One, two, three, four.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21- You don't need to go down... - I can't help it!
0:21:21 > 0:21:25- Right.- Again.- One, two, three, four.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28- Just the hands, perfect. - Just the hands.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31It's just the rest of my body wants to join in.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33- Just stick to the hands.- Christ!
0:21:33 > 0:21:36So, the next move, you're going to use your right leg
0:21:36 > 0:21:39and you're going to come in, out, in, out.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43And then you're going to go round, two, three, four.
0:21:43 > 0:21:48- So it's like you're trying to get rid of dog shit off your shoe. - LAUGHTER
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Flat hands.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57APPLAUSE
0:21:59 > 0:22:03- It's going pretty well.- Last move. It's called the windscreen wipers.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07- OK.- Your hands are here, and you're going to go down...and up...
0:22:07 > 0:22:11- Are you going a different way from me?- I don't know, I have no idea.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13- I'm going this way. - I was doing the low-down.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17LAUGHTER
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Whoosh, whoosh, then up.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25That's it. Then double speed, so we go...
0:22:25 > 0:22:28- Double speed, whoa, whoa... - Three, four,
0:22:28 > 0:22:31and then we're going to go one, two, three, four.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34Let's just take it to a car wash!
0:22:34 > 0:22:36- Shall we do it?- Yes, let's do it.
0:22:36 > 0:22:37OK.
0:22:37 > 0:22:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE So, five, six, seven, eight, and cue music!
0:22:42 > 0:22:45BOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYS
0:22:45 > 0:22:48- ..two, three, four... Ready?- Yeah.
0:22:48 > 0:22:53We're going to go into our moves. So, we go in, out, in, out, round...
0:22:53 > 0:22:54And again!
0:22:56 > 0:23:00Round! Let's go for the wipers! Go!
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Wipers again!
0:23:05 > 0:23:10- Now, I'm going to pose. You're going to pose.- Yes!- Turn!
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Freestyle - wash the fucking thing.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15LAUGHTER
0:23:15 > 0:23:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:23:26 > 0:23:29OK, we're going to freestyle now. Stand there. Freestyle!
0:23:39 > 0:23:43You're going to pose now. You're going to pose here.
0:23:45 > 0:23:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:23:46 > 0:23:49Well done, thank you very much.
0:23:49 > 0:23:53Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for my mystery guest!
0:23:53 > 0:23:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Did you hear about the talking whale?
0:24:02 > 0:24:05A stunning revelation from a San Diego research facility -
0:24:05 > 0:24:09a male beluga whale apparently mimicking human speech.
0:24:09 > 0:24:10Take a listen to this.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13MUFFLED WAILING
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Whale music is meant to be relaxing.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24How is that going to send you to sleep?
0:24:24 > 0:24:26HE SCREECHES
0:24:26 > 0:24:29Sounds like SpongeBob trying to shit a kazoo.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Mind you, if you listen carefully, he's actually singing this...
0:24:36 > 0:24:40# Come on, ladies, come on, ladies, one pound fish! #
0:24:41 > 0:24:45Whales want to talk, dolphins - they've got other ideas.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Mind you, it isn't just whales that are talking.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Check out this story about bins.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01'This is actually Britain's brainiest bin.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03'These bins will send a text message to individual street cleaners,
0:25:03 > 0:25:06'telling them they need emptying.'
0:25:08 > 0:25:10So you can get text messages off a bin.
0:25:10 > 0:25:15How confusing would that be for binmen? "'I'm filthy.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18"'Come here and clean me'"?
0:25:18 > 0:25:22"Is this the girl I met in the pub the other day?
0:25:22 > 0:25:24"Send.
0:25:24 > 0:25:25"No, it's a fucking bin."
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Finally, this story is about a very determined young art student
0:25:36 > 0:25:37called Heather Purdham.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40'Heather Purdham can paint with her hand, but it's painful.
0:25:40 > 0:25:45'Hypermobility syndrome means her joints are loose.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47'She finds it difficult to grip the brush.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51- 'She feared she'd have to give up.' - I was sitting in my art lesson.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53I started crying, it was really embarrassing.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56My art teacher took me to one side and was like, if you want,
0:25:56 > 0:25:58you don't have to do the subject.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01But you're talented, I'm sure you can find a way around it.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04'She loves the work of the artist Alison Lapper,
0:26:04 > 0:26:09'who was born without arms and holds the brush in her mouth. So Heather tried the same technique
0:26:09 > 0:26:13'and discovered by dabbing the brush on the canvas, she could create art.'
0:26:13 > 0:26:15I thought, this actually looks really good
0:26:15 > 0:26:17and I don't have to drop art, ever.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20It was... I was overjoyed.
0:26:20 > 0:26:25'In her A-level art sketchbooks, a photo she took from a train window.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28'A photo that inspired this painting,
0:26:28 > 0:26:31'done entirely with the brush in her mouth.'
0:26:31 > 0:26:34It's such a wonderful painting. It's not just
0:26:34 > 0:26:37that she painted it with her mouth. If she had done it with her hands,
0:26:37 > 0:26:39it would be an amazing piece in its own right.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Just because you have a disability,
0:26:41 > 0:26:44it doesn't mean that you have to stop doing something.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47I think there are always ways that you can adapt,
0:26:47 > 0:26:49even if it's not the conventional thing to do.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Excellent, isn't it? There you go.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Thank you very much for watching Good News.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Good night, my friends.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:22 > 0:27:25Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd