0:00:17 > 0:00:22This programme contains strong language and adult humour.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Thank you. Thank you. Oh, thanks very much!
0:00:31 > 0:00:33- Hello! - CHEERING
0:00:33 > 0:00:36And welcome to Good News. So, what's been happening?
0:00:36 > 0:00:39BBC Breakfast interviewed the expert who fixed Boris Johnson's laptop.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41I mean, it was teeming with filth.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45And what was his response?
0:00:45 > 0:00:48Yes, yes, yes! Yes. And that was a good thing.
0:00:51 > 0:00:52Here's a question for you,
0:00:52 > 0:00:55does anyone else find this reporter really scary?
0:00:55 > 0:00:57If you keep watching me for the next minute or so
0:00:57 > 0:00:59you will find out the results.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04I don't want to know the results!
0:01:04 > 0:01:05Hey, don't you just love it
0:01:05 > 0:01:08when the news catches a baby having a tantrum?
0:01:08 > 0:01:11But is this a blip or a breakthrough?
0:01:14 > 0:01:17And, finally, over on Newsnight Jeremy Paxman said "vagina".
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Vagina.
0:01:19 > 0:01:20Cheers, Jeremy!
0:01:20 > 0:01:22LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Now, the big prime news was definitely this.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30Three young women who went missing in the American state of Ohio
0:01:30 > 0:01:33around a decade ago have turned up safe.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34They were all found in a house in Cleveland
0:01:34 > 0:01:36after a neighbour heard screams.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Did you see the interview on the news with the neighbour?
0:01:41 > 0:01:43He is amazing.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Listen to his description of the moment he found the girls.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Well, I knew something was wrong
0:01:48 > 0:01:51when a little pretty white girl ran into a black man's arms.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55Something is wrong here. Dead giveaway. Dead giveaway!
0:01:55 > 0:01:57- I'll say thank you very much... - Dead giveaway!
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Thank you very much for your time.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Either she's homeless or she's got problems!
0:02:01 > 0:02:04That's the only reason why she running to a black man.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Thank you for being here, man.
0:02:06 > 0:02:07Now...
0:02:09 > 0:02:12..from "dead giveaways" to the end of an era.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Sir Alex Ferguson has announced his retirement.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Sir Alex Ferguson IS to retire.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19His retirement has sent shockwaves through the world of football.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22- For almost three decades... - 1,500 games...
0:02:22 > 0:02:23..trophy after trophy.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27..the most successful manager in English football history.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Thank fuck he's going.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32LAUGHTER, CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Not a fan. So...
0:02:39 > 0:02:41what was the secret to Fergie's success?
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Well, fair to say, he had a bit of a temper.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46David Beckham was once hit by a flying boot which his manager
0:02:46 > 0:02:49had furiously kicked across the dressing room.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50It was a graze.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55That's nothing, he shouted at Ryan Giggs for so long he gave him a...
0:02:55 > 0:02:56Liquid ass.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:04 > 0:03:05And look what he did to the youth team.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Mind you, he wasn't always harsh to his players,
0:03:11 > 0:03:14he was clearly a HUGE fan of Dion Dublin.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26"Christ, it was like a fucking Toblerone.
0:03:27 > 0:03:32"It was so big I once brought on as a substitute by mistake!
0:03:32 > 0:03:34"Had a good game although, ironically,
0:03:34 > 0:03:36"it lacked penetration in the box..."
0:03:40 > 0:03:43"..but, Christ, could it dribble! Oh!"
0:03:43 > 0:03:45GROANING
0:03:45 > 0:03:48APPLAUSE
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Now, aside from Fergie's obsession with Dion's wang,
0:03:52 > 0:03:56he was famous for the phrase, "The hairdryer treatment."
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Basically, he'd shout at players so much
0:03:58 > 0:04:00his breath felt like a hairdryer.
0:04:00 > 0:04:05My mum, God bless her, genuinely thought the hairdryer treatment
0:04:05 > 0:04:07meant Alex Ferguson did this.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09The fuck was that?
0:04:09 > 0:04:11You call that a fucking performance?!
0:04:11 > 0:04:12It's the worst I've seen in my life!
0:04:12 > 0:04:15DROWNED OUT BY HAIRDRYER
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Out on the fucking field. Cannae believe it!
0:04:17 > 0:04:19What do I pay you for?!
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Jesus, Dion, put it away!
0:04:24 > 0:04:26APPLAUSE
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Ha-ha-ha! Now...
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Whoa-ha!
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Once Fergie had left there was only one question,
0:04:35 > 0:04:36"Who would succeed him?"
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Rumour is already rife over who will replace him.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41- David Moyes.- Jose Mourinho.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44- Moyes.- Mourinho.- Moyes. - Mourinho.- Moyes.- Mourinho.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45Gandalf.
0:04:47 > 0:04:51Oddly, they didn't go with Gandalf, they went with Gollum.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56From football to HUGE film news.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Now, in a significant boost to the British film industry, the latest
0:04:59 > 0:05:03instalment of the Star Wars franchise will be made here in the UK.
0:05:03 > 0:05:08They're making Star Wars in the UK! Please, set it in Bristol. Please.
0:05:08 > 0:05:12- WEST COUNTRY ACCENT:- "Darth Vader, get I some Hubba Bubba.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15"Luke, I am your father. I'll prove it, let's go on Jeremy Kyle."
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Or in Essex. How great would that be?
0:05:19 > 0:05:20- ESSEX ACCIDENT:- "What's wrong, Yoda?"
0:05:20 > 0:05:24"Upset, I am. Vajazzle, they have given me."
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Christ, I hope they don't go around dressed in character.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35If C-3PO walks the streets some fucker will send him to Cash4Gold.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40There'll be gangs in London!
0:05:40 > 0:05:45"What happened to R2-D2? We traded him in at Cash Converters.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48"And now we got us a juicer!"
0:05:53 > 0:05:55"It's a really good way of getting your five a day."
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Oh, that's the silliest joke I've ever done.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Now, I may be excited but, fair to say,
0:06:02 > 0:06:05die-hard American fans, little bit annoyed.
0:06:05 > 0:06:06You sons of bitches,
0:06:06 > 0:06:10they're going to fucking SimCity the entire fucking franchise!
0:06:10 > 0:06:13I can't believe they're doing this shit to me!
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Jabba goes shitty!
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Mind you, that's not my favourite tantrum of the week.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Oh, yes!
0:06:25 > 0:06:28From Star Wars to period dramas, did you hear about this?
0:06:32 > 0:06:34I've actually got hold of a sneak preview.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Ladies, there's a new man arriving at Downton Abbey.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44BOTH: Ooh!
0:06:44 > 0:06:47It says here his name is Dion Dublin.
0:06:47 > 0:06:48Ah!
0:06:49 > 0:06:51APPLAUSE
0:06:55 > 0:06:58From Downton Abbey to an insane new gun.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02Anti-gun campaigners in America have criticised a project
0:07:02 > 0:07:06that's managed to produce a plastic weapon using a 3-D printer.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09The handgun has been successfully test fired
0:07:09 > 0:07:12and its creators say they plan to make the blueprints available online.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15There's now, exactly, there is now technology in America
0:07:15 > 0:07:17where you can print a gun.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20That's going to change the shooting range, innit? "AK-47, you?"
0:07:20 > 0:07:22"Hewlett-Packard."
0:07:26 > 0:07:28People are worried it's going to lead to a spate of killings.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31I don't know, most of us are shit with technology.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34"Right, I'm going to kill you. Control, P."
0:07:34 > 0:07:37"Control, P...Mum!
0:07:38 > 0:07:41"Mum, what's a syntax error?
0:07:41 > 0:07:44"I HAVE loaded the toner, Mum.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48"You're a dead man, just as soon as I call the helpline."
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Or, even worse, what if you're dyslexic?
0:07:50 > 0:07:51"I'm going to shoot you with my...
0:07:51 > 0:07:53"Oh, bollocks, I've printed a nun."
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Let's be honest though, we're not going to print guns, are we?
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Most of us still struggle with basic things like Skype!
0:08:05 > 0:08:09It's true, have a look at this lady sending a Christmas message to her family.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13Are you ready to dingle your bells?
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Let's do this.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21MUSIC: "Jingle Bell Rock" by Bobby Helms
0:08:26 > 0:08:28# Stroke-a my, lick-a my
0:08:28 > 0:08:29# Suck-a my cock. #
0:08:32 > 0:08:34It's incredible.
0:08:34 > 0:08:35It's... Isn't it?
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Because you start watching it and you're like,
0:08:37 > 0:08:40"Oh, God, something bad is going to happen!
0:08:40 > 0:08:46"Oh, no, she just played the filthiest song ever to her parents."
0:08:46 > 0:08:48I love it and it's even better the second time.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52# Stroke-a my, lick-a my
0:08:52 > 0:08:54# Suck-a my cock.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56APPLAUSE
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Elsewhere this week. Did you see this brilliant story?
0:09:01 > 0:09:06Have a look at why a shop up North has had to stop selling peanuts.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10A supermarket chain in the north of England has withdrawn bags of peanuts
0:09:10 > 0:09:12from sale because they contain nuts.
0:09:12 > 0:09:13Ha-ha!
0:09:13 > 0:09:15That's right, they've withdrawn nuts
0:09:15 > 0:09:20because they didn't have a sign on them saying, "May contain nuts."
0:09:21 > 0:09:24How thick do they think people are?!
0:09:24 > 0:09:27"Oh, peanuts! I wonder what's in there?"
0:09:33 > 0:09:35"Maybe it's a bicycle!"
0:09:39 > 0:09:43"Or maybe, maybe it's a hover pig?!"
0:09:43 > 0:09:45"I'd love a hover pig.
0:09:45 > 0:09:49"Hovering above me...like a pig."
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Also, aren't they missing the obvious?
0:09:54 > 0:09:58People with nut allergies, probably not going to eat fucking nuts!
0:09:58 > 0:10:01My brother's got epilepsy, he very rarely goes,
0:10:01 > 0:10:02"Oi, Russ, pass me that strobe light.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05"Way-y-y-y-y!"
0:10:07 > 0:10:09It's ridiculous!
0:10:09 > 0:10:10APPLAUSE
0:10:10 > 0:10:15"Way-y-y-y-y-y!"
0:10:15 > 0:10:19It's not peanuts you need to warn people about it's Christmas songs!
0:10:19 > 0:10:21# Stroke-a my, lick-a my
0:10:21 > 0:10:22# Suck-a my cock!
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Still, a story about nut allergies has got nothing on this.
0:10:25 > 0:10:30Have you heard about Victoria Beckham's beauty regime?
0:10:30 > 0:10:34Women have tried many things in the search for eternal beauty.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Victoria Beckham is said to be a fan of the bird-poop facial,
0:10:37 > 0:10:40which uses nightingale excrement as an exfoliant.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43GROANING
0:10:43 > 0:10:48She lets birds poo on her! Christ, no wonder she doesn't smile!
0:10:49 > 0:10:52How weird is that? Beckham's out playing footy,
0:10:52 > 0:10:54she's in the garden covered in bread. Just...
0:10:55 > 0:10:57"Shit on me, my pretties!"
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Mind you, this treatment isn't for everyone.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03Especially if you struggle around birds.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05At this show, er...
0:11:05 > 0:11:07HE SCREAMS
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Ah!
0:11:19 > 0:11:24Not that Posh's scat obsession was my favourite celebrity story.
0:11:24 > 0:11:25God bless The Sun newspaper.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28The Guardian, the Telegraph, they were asking things like,
0:11:28 > 0:11:31"Should we leave the EU? Should we intervene in Syria?"
0:11:31 > 0:11:35The Sun, they were asking the question on everyone's mind...
0:11:40 > 0:11:42We were all thinking it, you be the judge.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49I'm going to say no. That is not Jay-Z,
0:11:49 > 0:11:51that is clearly a man in the past
0:11:51 > 0:11:54that happens to look a bit like Jay-Z.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56You're probably thinking they left it at that.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00Oh, no. The next day they printed a load of other celebrities
0:12:00 > 0:12:03they reckon could travel through time.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Justin Timberlake...
0:12:08 > 0:12:09..Rupert Grint...
0:12:11 > 0:12:12..Keith Richards...
0:12:16 > 0:12:19..and my personal favourite - Borat. Look at that!
0:12:20 > 0:12:23They had Borat as fucking Stalin!
0:12:23 > 0:12:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:12:28 > 0:12:30I saw some mad relationship stories in the news.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34Over in Japan, have you heard about Love Your Wife Day?
0:12:34 > 0:12:36HE SHOUTS IN JAPANESE
0:12:37 > 0:12:41These men in Japan have been expressing their love very publicly.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43The shouting is all part of Love Your Wife Day,
0:12:43 > 0:12:47an annual event which sees 12 men taking to a stage in a public
0:12:47 > 0:12:51car park and declaring their love for their other half.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54HE SHOUTS IN JAPANESE
0:13:00 > 0:13:02That's not love,
0:13:02 > 0:13:05they look like they're trying to shit out a hedgehog.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Also, showing your love in a public car park,
0:13:08 > 0:13:12I'm pretty sure that's dogging, isn't that dogging?
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Apparently it's quite a big thing in Japan.
0:13:14 > 0:13:15People in the street cheer,
0:13:15 > 0:13:18"Oh, ain't that lovely? He loves his wife, yay!"
0:13:18 > 0:13:19Imagine that in England.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21It would be very, very different.
0:13:21 > 0:13:25- SHOUTS:- I love my wife!
0:13:25 > 0:13:26Bit gay.
0:13:29 > 0:13:30From loving your wife
0:13:30 > 0:13:34to accidentally shooting her in the face, did you...
0:13:34 > 0:13:38Did you... Stay with me! Did you hear this?
0:13:38 > 0:13:41A woman in Brazil has survived being shot in the mouth
0:13:41 > 0:13:44with a harpoon by her husband.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48Elisangela Rosa's partner, was cleaning his spear
0:13:48 > 0:13:50when it fired, apparently accidentally.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53The harpoon pierced through her mouth and the top of her spine.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57Doctors say it came within one centimetre of killing her.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Holy shit!
0:13:59 > 0:14:03He accidentally shot his wife in the mouth with a harpoon.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06She will never have to lift a finger again.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08"Oh, oh, oh, you don't want to clean the dishes?
0:14:08 > 0:14:11"You shot me in the face with a harpoon!"
0:14:12 > 0:14:16What I want to know, who the fuck cleans their harpoon like this?
0:14:16 > 0:14:17"Left a bit..."
0:14:19 > 0:14:20"..left a bit, Sandra..."
0:14:22 > 0:14:25"..open your mouth! Open your mouth!
0:14:25 > 0:14:27"Oh, what have I done?!
0:14:27 > 0:14:28"I've shot you in the face..."
0:14:30 > 0:14:33"..and it's all in your mouth!"
0:14:33 > 0:14:34Still, she got her own back.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37A spear in the mouth is nothing - look what she did to his dick.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Now, incredibly...
0:14:42 > 0:14:46..that isn't the most shocking relationship story from Brazil.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Prepare yourself, this is insane.
0:14:48 > 0:14:52Have a look at how a woman tried to kill her husband.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55The Brazilian man says his wife tried to kill her
0:14:55 > 0:14:57"by putting poison in her vagina."
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Whoa!
0:15:00 > 0:15:03She tried to poison her what?!
0:15:03 > 0:15:05- Vagina.- Cheers, Jeremy.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Did you see how she tried to kill him?
0:15:13 > 0:15:14Invited!
0:15:14 > 0:15:19"Dear Sir, we request the pleasure of your company at an evening
0:15:19 > 0:15:21"we're calling Death By Minge."
0:15:22 > 0:15:25In all... And she was like this. "Meh?"
0:15:25 > 0:15:28"Meh? Meh-he-he-he?"
0:15:28 > 0:15:30"A little bit of fanny?"
0:15:31 > 0:15:33"No." "Why not?"
0:15:33 > 0:15:35"Because it's fucking hissing."
0:15:39 > 0:15:41I love this bit. Look at this, right.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51That and the fact it was green!
0:15:51 > 0:15:54"Jesus, I'm not being funny, love...
0:15:54 > 0:15:56"it looks like Yoda's ear."
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Now, as you can imagine, people on the internet went crazy.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Check out this guy.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06You realise that this man, he never going to eat pussy
0:16:06 > 0:16:09again in his life, it's over for him, with the pussy.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11He's not going to eat it.
0:16:11 > 0:16:12He may turn gay.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Such an overreaction.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20"That one's green, I turn my back on your entire people."
0:16:20 > 0:16:23APPLAUSE
0:16:25 > 0:16:28This is the part of the show I don't know anything about.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31There's a mystery guest who's been in the news and I have to figure out who that person is.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Please, welcome our mystery guest!
0:16:33 > 0:16:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:16:39 > 0:16:40Hello.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45- Hello, man, how are you? - Hi, Russell.- How are you?
0:16:45 > 0:16:48- Nice to meet you. Well, this is... What was your name?- Antony.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Antony, excellent. Well, this is very complicated.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54There's ballet, there's jive records and you're dressed as a soldier.
0:16:54 > 0:16:55That's correct. WOLF WHISTLING
0:16:55 > 0:16:57And a wolf whistle!
0:16:57 > 0:16:59- Great, thank you.- Lovely!
0:16:59 > 0:17:00Nice to have you in, fellas.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05- So, has it got anything to do with ballet?- Not ballet.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08- You don't strike me as a ballerina. - Not ballet, no.
0:17:08 > 0:17:09So, why have you got ballet shoes?
0:17:09 > 0:17:12- Is that someone you beat up and you nicked their goods?- No.
0:17:12 > 0:17:13So, has it got something to do with dance?
0:17:13 > 0:17:16It has got something to do with dance, yes.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19- Are you a wonderful dancer? - I am a dancer, yes.- Oh, lovely stuff.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23- What kind of stuff?- Modern jive. - You're a modern jiver?- Mm-hm.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25But what's the connection with the Army?
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Is that a new way of bedazzling the enemy?
0:17:28 > 0:17:31- Shazam!- It would work, wouldn't it?
0:17:31 > 0:17:32# Da-da da-da Da-da-da da-da. #
0:17:32 > 0:17:34- Confuse them, most likely. - It would really work!
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Imagine that. Just imagine, we're going to the camera.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40So, that's the enemy, there, the camera. You do a little dance.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43- All right.- Just...dance at the enemy. - OK. So, I'll do a little shimmy.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Yeah.
0:17:45 > 0:17:46Go, get them! Bang.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49APPLAUSE
0:17:52 > 0:17:53Might work.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57- It could.- So, why have you been in the news exactly?
0:17:57 > 0:17:59OK, obviously, as you can tell, I am in the Army.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Basically, I've taken some time out of normal service
0:18:02 > 0:18:04to go and compete in the European modern jive champs,
0:18:04 > 0:18:07- where I managed to secure two silver medals for the country.- Get in!
0:18:07 > 0:18:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:11 > 0:18:14- Thank you. - So, can anyone learn to jive dance?
0:18:14 > 0:18:15Could I become a jive dancer?
0:18:15 > 0:18:17I'm going to teach you three to four moves of a modern jive
0:18:17 > 0:18:20and we're going to put them into a little routine,
0:18:20 > 0:18:24- and you're going to dance to a song in front of this lovely crowd.- Gah. - CHEERING
0:18:26 > 0:18:29- So, here we are. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:29 > 0:18:30Fancy.
0:18:31 > 0:18:32I'm not going to lie...
0:18:33 > 0:18:38..I've seen myself in the mirror and I look like an Amish Olly Murs.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44- So, what we going to do?- We're going to teach you some modern jive.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Then we're going to teach you something called a drop.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49The first thing, we need to loosen you off before we go.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52- So, with dancing it's all about the hips and showing off your body.- Yeah.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54First of all, stick your chest out a bit, head up high.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57What I want you to do then is wiggle your hips.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00CHEERING
0:19:04 > 0:19:06So, go on, so, we've got to wiggle our hips.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08If you push your heel down, put your foot slightly forward,
0:19:08 > 0:19:09that will push your arse out.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13- All right.- From here we are going to practise moving in a circular motion.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15- So, as we're going round...- Oh, yeah!
0:19:15 > 0:19:17CHEERING
0:19:19 > 0:19:21You try. Come on. So, wiggle...
0:19:21 > 0:19:23- go all the way round.- Ha-ha-ha! - CHEERING
0:19:28 > 0:19:32That was amazing. Your arse was supersonic.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Thanks?
0:19:34 > 0:19:36It was, it was just... Yeah.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38It was like, it was like, honestly, I felt like the sun
0:19:38 > 0:19:40and my favourite planet was just going around me.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49Shall we assume we've done a Uranus gag? Let's assume.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Next we're going to focus on your arms. I want to see arms up.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54If you pretend you're holding an egg, all right? It's instant styling.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56- Really?! - Yeah, hold an egg and put it up.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Move your fingers out.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03That's it. So, as you put your arm up it's an instant style.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Very different if you are holding a chicken, isn't it?
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Last but not least, obviously, facial expressions.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14I want you to give a bit of, "I'm better than you," a bit of arrogance.
0:20:14 > 0:20:15So, because...
0:20:19 > 0:20:24- Actually, that's... No, yeah, that's really good.- OK, so...
0:20:24 > 0:20:26"You seen the size of his egg?!"
0:20:29 > 0:20:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:32 > 0:20:33OK.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Because I've seen you dance before...
0:20:35 > 0:20:38- Yes.- ..I brought a couple of my dance partners with me this evening,
0:20:38 > 0:20:41to help you out. So I'd like you to give a big round of applause,
0:20:41 > 0:20:44from South Wales, we've got Lindsay and Amy!
0:20:44 > 0:20:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Hello! Hello!
0:20:48 > 0:20:52Hello, nice to meet you. Hello, nice to meet you. How are you?
0:20:52 > 0:20:55- Are you all right? Awesome.- So, the first move, OK, is the side to side.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57- Right, lovely.- So, you're going to push the lady away from you.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05- Nicely. Nicely, Russell. - Sorry, sorry.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08So, you're gently going to push the lady away from you, stepping out.
0:21:08 > 0:21:09OK, so, like that.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12I want you to bring your elbow to the lady's elbow and face the audience.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16- Remembering that egg for poise. - Oh...yeah.- Get your egg out!
0:21:19 > 0:21:23That is the first move but this is the end move, OK?
0:21:23 > 0:21:25It's called the snake and it looks like this.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Let's have a go at that.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38- The way we go into that, OK, is we're left to right.- Yeah.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40And all you're going to do is, with your left leg,
0:21:40 > 0:21:43- you're going to take her down and rest her on your knee.- Oh, God!
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Now, from here all you got to do is let go
0:21:46 > 0:21:50- and let the ladies do their thing. - Yeah, I'm going, I'm going.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52- She's going! There she goes! - There you go.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:00 > 0:22:03- There you go.- OK, so, are you ready, Russell?- Born ready.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05OK, so let's cue music.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07OK, so, start to get into the rhythm.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10DANCE MUSIC PLAYING
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Step and in, back and in.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16Once across...
0:22:16 > 0:22:17and in.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Away and in, away, back across.
0:22:21 > 0:22:22Spin.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Now the lady...
0:22:24 > 0:22:25- and spin.- Oh, sorry.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30- Do some arrogant walks around your partner.- What am I doing?
0:22:30 > 0:22:32- Back to the start position. - All right.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33Arrogance, come on! Arrogance!
0:22:33 > 0:22:37And in, away, in, away.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40Pass across. CHEERING
0:22:42 > 0:22:44- Get ready for the snake.- Snake!
0:22:44 > 0:22:48- Turnaround.- Uh-uh-uh. I know this bit.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50And through the legs - very good!
0:22:51 > 0:22:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:53 > 0:22:55- Let's leave the floor. Come on.- Well done.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Awesome. Come on, up you get, that was amazing. I'm so sorry.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06Ladies and gentlemen, please, give it up for my amazing mystery guest!
0:23:06 > 0:23:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:23:14 > 0:23:16What else has been going on?
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Over in Argentina one bloke had a bit of a mix-up.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23Pet buyer in Argentina thought he was getting a pair of pricey poodles.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27He thought he was getting a bargain, what he actually got were ferrets
0:23:27 > 0:23:32pumped up on steroids and then groomed to look like pricey pooches.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35That's right, he went to buy some poodles
0:23:35 > 0:23:38and got ferrets pumped up on steroids.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40What an idiot, have a look at it again.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42How?!
0:23:42 > 0:23:45HOW did he think that was a poodle?!
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Looks like an old dinner lady's bush.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50GROANING
0:23:50 > 0:23:51Staying in South America,
0:23:51 > 0:23:55have you seen the latest craze hitting the streets of Mexico?
0:23:55 > 0:23:59This is the furry movement and it's sweeping northern Mexico.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Converts design their own animal costumes,
0:24:02 > 0:24:05often based on cartoon characters, and then go out and about.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07What a bunch of dicks!
0:24:08 > 0:24:12"Look at me, I'm an otter!" Just be comfy in your own skin.
0:24:12 > 0:24:17You don't see gibbons, "Oh, I'd love to dress like an estate agent."
0:24:18 > 0:24:21I just don't get it. I mean, look at this bloke.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Adrian Diaz, who dresses as a fox,
0:24:23 > 0:24:28is just one of the 86 furries in the Mexican city of Monterrey.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30He explains that, although the movement is growing,
0:24:30 > 0:24:33some people still look at him strangely.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Because you're dressed as a fox!
0:24:38 > 0:24:41What I don't get, why would you want to be a fox?
0:24:41 > 0:24:43If you want to be a creature that eats from bins
0:24:43 > 0:24:45and shags in hedges just go on Jeremy Kyle.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Now, to be honest, I hate this story so much
0:24:50 > 0:24:52but that's because, for a while, yeah, yeah...
0:24:52 > 0:24:54I was a furry but...
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Oh, funny, real funny, yeah.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Big Daddy laugh-laugh.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06..I had an incident that made me stop for ever.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09No, I'm human!
0:25:09 > 0:25:14Ha-ha-ha! Oh, I've got myself a talker, ha-ha!
0:25:14 > 0:25:16I'm a human!
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Ah-h-h-h-h-h!
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Ah! Ah-h-h-h!
0:25:22 > 0:25:26Ah-ha-ha-ha-ah!
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Ah-h-h.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36Shouldn't laugh. Did you see what I got the next day?
0:25:36 > 0:25:37Liquid ass.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41APPLAUSE
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Now, the tragic events in Boston last month wrecked lives,
0:25:49 > 0:25:53but this is the story of one woman's inspirational approach to recovery.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55I have been dancing my entire life.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57It's hard to describe how much I love dancing -
0:25:57 > 0:25:59it's a feeling I get that is not like any other.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02I feel like flying when I dance.
0:26:02 > 0:26:03CHEERING
0:26:05 > 0:26:08On April 15 I was at the Boston Marathon,
0:26:08 > 0:26:10walking around with my husband.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12We had just come home from Afghanistan
0:26:12 > 0:26:15and we were just out enjoying the sunshine.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17It was a beautiful Boston day.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20EXPLOSION
0:26:20 > 0:26:21All of a sudden the bomb went off,
0:26:21 > 0:26:24probably about four feet away from where we were standing.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29We landed on the ground and I thought,
0:26:29 > 0:26:32"I think I'm going to be OK, I'm not in any pain,"
0:26:32 > 0:26:37and then I tried to move my leg and I couldn't.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40I remember the smell and I remember the smoke,
0:26:40 > 0:26:46and thinking that I was going to die. It was awful.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49I wanted my family so badly and that's what I just kept thinking of.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53We were there the minute she woke up.
0:26:53 > 0:26:54Adrian came out of surgery
0:26:54 > 0:26:57and I had to tell her that her foot was no longer there,
0:26:57 > 0:27:02knowing that would be very painful for her because of dance.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09I am incredibly nervous to do the prosthetic
0:27:09 > 0:27:12and I know I'm going to start out and have some very humbling
0:27:12 > 0:27:15moments getting used to it but I absolutely will dance again.
0:27:15 > 0:27:19I find my optimism because I feel like you have two choices,
0:27:19 > 0:27:23you can either be the one sitting eating potato chips
0:27:23 > 0:27:26and not having friends, and not talking to people, and...
0:27:26 > 0:27:28and being sorry for yourself.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Or you can say, "You know what? This is who I am now."
0:27:31 > 0:27:34I wouldn't let one of my students come to me and say,
0:27:34 > 0:27:38"This happened to me," I wouldn't let them say that their life was over.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42I'm hopeful for the future and hopeful to dance again.
0:27:42 > 0:27:43Lovely, eh?
0:27:43 > 0:27:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:45 > 0:27:49Thanks very much for watching Good News. Good night, my friends.
0:27:49 > 0:27:50Good night.
0:28:15 > 0:28:18Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd