0:00:06 > 0:00:10This programme contains some strong language and
0:00:10 > 0:00:14adult humour form the start.
0:00:21 > 0:00:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:25 > 0:00:26Thank you so much!
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Thank you, thank you, thank you.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Hello!
0:00:31 > 0:00:32And welcome to Good News.
0:00:32 > 0:00:37So, what's been happening? Is it me or are UKIP running out of ideas?
0:00:37 > 0:00:39If you vote UKIP, you might get Ebola.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46Did anyone else see that guy making up sayings on the news?
0:00:46 > 0:00:48No ifs, no buts, no coconuts.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52I tell you what, I think Katie Price
0:00:52 > 0:00:55has taken the plastic surgery too far.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59Think of a robot, and Lucy comes pretty close...
0:00:59 > 0:01:02And finally, did you hear how Andrew Marr felt after watching
0:01:02 > 0:01:05the new series of Orange Is The New Black?
0:01:05 > 0:01:06Very wet.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:01:12 > 0:01:16So, what's been going on? Well, the big space news was this...
0:01:16 > 0:01:20European scientists are celebrating one of the greatest achievements
0:01:20 > 0:01:22in the history of space exploration.
0:01:22 > 0:01:27A four-billion mile journey through space to land a robotic spacecraft
0:01:27 > 0:01:32the size of a fridge on a comet just two miles wide.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36It's amazing! They landed a probe on a comet four billion miles away
0:01:36 > 0:01:41moving at 84,000 miles an hour. Or as this scientist put it...
0:01:41 > 0:01:43It's like shooting a bullet at a bullet
0:01:43 > 0:01:45whilst riding a horse blindfolded.
0:01:46 > 0:01:51And that is tricky. Some people struggle to even ride a horse.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Now, I love this scientist.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59Most people would have worn a lab coat to do an interview.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03Not him. He rocked up dressed like a horny darts player.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06I'm incredibly confident...
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Did you see the moment the probe landed?
0:02:08 > 0:02:12Were the scientists all calm and composed? Not really.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15I'm so excited!
0:02:15 > 0:02:19It's worked! It's landed! It's landed!
0:02:19 > 0:02:21You've waited years for this.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23I've waited years!
0:02:23 > 0:02:25I'm just so excited!
0:02:25 > 0:02:27I'm going to cry!
0:02:28 > 0:02:32- MIMICKING:- It's the greatest day of my life!
0:02:32 > 0:02:35She got even more excited later on.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38- It's just like... - SHE SIGHS CONTENTEDLY
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Jesus.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46I think we all know how SHE felt.
0:02:46 > 0:02:47Very wet.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:54 > 0:02:57However, once all the giddiness faded away,
0:02:57 > 0:03:00it turned out the landing hadn't quite gone to plan.
0:03:00 > 0:03:04It did manage to land on the surface of a comet, but bounced twice,
0:03:04 > 0:03:07landing on its side in the shadow of a crater wall.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09This is not the situation that we were hoping for.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Shit.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17Basically, the bullet missed the bullet and killed the horse.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22So why did the landing go wrong?
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Well, some people blamed the harpoon,
0:03:24 > 0:03:27some people blamed the thrusters. But I know what happened.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30The scientists got distracted at the last minute.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33CHEERING
0:03:36 > 0:03:39It's incredible, isn't it? We landed a probe on a comet
0:03:39 > 0:03:42and all anyone was talking about this week was this.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51In case, by some miracle, you didn't see her space-hopper arse,
0:03:51 > 0:03:53here it is.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57She broke the internet, presumably by sitting on it.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01That's not just junk in the trunk.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05She's got the whole Antiques Roadshow in her arse.
0:04:05 > 0:04:06Kim Kardashian is so self-obsessed,
0:04:06 > 0:04:09she's taken so many selfies you could put them together,
0:04:09 > 0:04:11flick through them and see what she's done that year.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Nothing.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:18 > 0:04:21You get these idiots going, "She's so brave."
0:04:21 > 0:04:24She's not brave. This lady is brave.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Malala got shot in the face for going to school
0:04:27 > 0:04:29and still speaks out against the Taliban.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33Kim Kardashian just got her arse out like a fucking baboon.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36HE HOWLS LIKE A BABOON
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Exactly!
0:04:41 > 0:04:44So, did her naked photos break the internet?
0:04:44 > 0:04:46No. People just took the piss.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Doesn't matter how many times you see that,
0:04:54 > 0:04:55it still makes you laugh.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59Now, in more upbeat news, the Band Aid single was re-released
0:04:59 > 0:05:02this week, and raised millions in the fight against Ebola.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Bob Geldof wins my award for Interview of the Week.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Check out the answer he gives this woman.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Clearly, as you say, it has gone bonkers in sales
0:05:10 > 0:05:14but a lot of detractors saying "Look at the wealthy people in that room.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16"If they all paid their taxes in the right way
0:05:16 > 0:05:19"we wouldn't need these kind of fundraising singles."
0:05:19 > 0:05:22- What would you say to them? - I think they're talking bollocks.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Did he stop there? Oh, no.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29"This trite song will raise a comparative pittance,
0:05:29 > 0:05:32"ignores Africans, and has a logo implying the virus
0:05:32 > 0:05:34"struck the entire continent.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36"Patronising and perpetuating myths again,
0:05:36 > 0:05:40"Band Aid should have learned its lessons and stayed silent."
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Perhaps less colourfully, what would be your response to that?
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Complete load of bollocks.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Sir Bob, I salute you.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56In political news, the world leaders got together for the G20 summit.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58But clearly someone wasn't keen.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02Vladimir Putin is planning to leave the G20 summit in Australia
0:06:02 > 0:06:05earlier than planned after facing a barrage of criticism
0:06:05 > 0:06:08from world leaders over the conflict in Ukraine.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Who'd have thought world leaders
0:06:10 > 0:06:14wouldn't like a homophobic warmonger who shoots down planes(?)
0:06:14 > 0:06:18It's a really important summit, and Vladimir Putin went home early.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22Did you see the bullshit excuse he came up with for leaving?
0:06:22 > 0:06:28President Putin left early, saying he needed "to catch up on sleep".
0:06:28 > 0:06:31"Putin need nap-nap!"
0:06:31 > 0:06:35What is he, three? He's meant to be a world leader.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38- RUSSIAN ACCENT:- "I cannot do this. I need beddy-byes.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41"I also sound a lot like Alexander Meerkat."
0:06:47 > 0:06:48It's pathetic, though.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Christ, what do they do, sing him lullabies?
0:06:51 > 0:06:56# Rock-a-bye Putin on the tree top
0:06:56 > 0:07:00# Invading and killing You'll never stop
0:07:00 > 0:07:06# You told massive lies about invading Ukraine
0:07:06 > 0:07:11- # Vladimir Putin's fucking insane.- #
0:07:11 > 0:07:13APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Vladimir wasn't just facing criticism from world leaders.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Did you hear what this artist did as a protest
0:07:23 > 0:07:25against his homophobic policies?
0:07:32 > 0:07:35And what is that piece of art, I hear you cry? It's...
0:07:38 > 0:07:40LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:07:45 > 0:07:48A Vladimir Putin butt plug.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Surely you call it Vlad the Impaler.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Some insane stores about parenting in the news.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01Listen to what a man in Sweden did
0:08:01 > 0:08:04to try and put his kids off Call Of Duty.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Parents often struggle to decide whether or not to let their children
0:08:07 > 0:08:10play violent video games. But when ten-year-old Leo
0:08:10 > 0:08:13and 11-year-old Frank asked their dad for a popular war game,
0:08:13 > 0:08:15he came up with an unusual bargain.
0:08:15 > 0:08:16Yes, he did.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20Carl-Magnus Helgegren said that they could have it if they still
0:08:20 > 0:08:23wanted it after witnessing the real consequences of war.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26He took the boys to Israel, where they visited the Golan Heights
0:08:26 > 0:08:28by the Syrian border, and a refugee clinic.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Holy shit!
0:08:30 > 0:08:32His kids wanted to play Call of Duty,
0:08:32 > 0:08:37so in an attempt to put them off, he took them to a warzone!
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Thank God they didn't want Grand Theft Auto.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43"Come on, son! Run over the prostitute!"
0:08:45 > 0:08:47"Run her over!"
0:08:50 > 0:08:52"I don't like it, Dad. I don't want to!"
0:08:52 > 0:08:56"Do you want to play Sonic? Look at the roadkill!"
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Wouldn't it be awful if it massively backfired
0:08:59 > 0:09:02and they loved the warzone? "Best holiday ever!"
0:09:02 > 0:09:04HE IMITATES A MACHINE GUN
0:09:04 > 0:09:08"Do you want to play Call of Duty?" "No, we're going to join Al-Qaeda."
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Still, this is dads for you. This is dads.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15They sometimes just love to scare their children.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18CHILD SINGS IN SHOWER
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Dad, are you kidding me?!
0:09:28 > 0:09:30HE SCREAMS
0:09:34 > 0:09:40Mind you, if you think that taking your kids to a warzone is insane,
0:09:40 > 0:09:42have a look what this Polish priest
0:09:42 > 0:09:44reckons is the biggest threat to children.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Lego isn't dangerous for kids. Do you know what are?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Catholic priests.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04I've never heard of a piece of Lego touching up a kid.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08How does Lego turn kids to Satan? Are there kids,
0:10:08 > 0:10:10"Hey, Sarah - why did you put the dog in the microwave?"
0:10:10 > 0:10:14"Because everything is awesome!
0:10:14 > 0:10:18"Everything is cool when you're killing your dog!"
0:10:18 > 0:10:19This is the best bit.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23Have you seen the specific reason why he reckons Lego is so evil?
0:10:28 > 0:10:30It's the zombie figures. Brilliant.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33A priest is going, "I don't want children
0:10:33 > 0:10:36"learning about a creature that can come back from the dead.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38"Anyway...
0:10:40 > 0:10:42"..the story of Easter..."
0:10:46 > 0:10:49It's unbelievable, isn't it? "Lego turns kids to Satan."
0:10:49 > 0:10:51I think this guy puts it best.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53I think they're talking bollocks.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Elsewhere this week, did you hear what happened in Paris?
0:11:01 > 0:11:06French police and firefighters are on the trail of a tiger which has
0:11:06 > 0:11:10apparently been spotted in a car park near Disneyland Paris.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Yeah, there's a tiger on the loose near Disneyland.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Police are on the lookout for this guy...
0:11:19 > 0:11:22I love the advice the police gave. Did you see this? This is amazing.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Yeah, cos that's your first thought, innit?
0:11:28 > 0:11:30"Oh, there's a tiger. I'll give him a cuddle.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33"Oh, he's a bitey tiger."
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Mind you, that wasn't even the strangest advice knocking around.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Why did they say that, if you saw it,
0:11:38 > 0:11:41you should wrap your arms around yourself and shout at it in German?
0:11:41 > 0:11:44- I've no idea.- Apparently the guttural noise of German
0:11:44 > 0:11:47is quite terrifying for tigers.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53To save yourself from a tiger, you've got to speak to it in German.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59"Mein name ist Russell Howard.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03"Ich bin 34 jahre alt.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08"Hast du ein geschwester?
0:12:08 > 0:12:13"Ich really wishen I'd paid more attention..."
0:12:15 > 0:12:18"..in mein German GCSE."
0:12:22 > 0:12:28"Ich tasten nicht so good.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31"Oh, shit, it's a lion! Buongiorno!"
0:12:33 > 0:12:36How funny would my funeral be? "Did you hear what happened to Russell?
0:12:36 > 0:12:38"He said guten morgen to a tiger."
0:12:40 > 0:12:43Tigers hate German. It's such bollocks, innit?
0:12:43 > 0:12:47Like tigers are there going, "I would eat him, but he's bilingual."
0:12:51 > 0:12:54"Oh, and he's wearing lederhosen. That gives me the fear."
0:12:57 > 0:13:00You know what I love most, there was a tiger on the loose in Paris
0:13:00 > 0:13:03and what was the big animal news in England?
0:13:07 > 0:13:10A swan sat down!
0:13:10 > 0:13:13"Someone call the police! There's a swan and he's resting!"
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Someone even took a picture.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22How British is that?
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Poor policemen! "Good day?"
0:13:24 > 0:13:27"Yeah, I put bollards around a posh goose."
0:13:33 > 0:13:39Have you seen the ridiculous way that the government
0:13:39 > 0:13:41is trying to solve obesity?
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Workers could be rewarded with cash or shopping vouchers
0:13:44 > 0:13:48if they lose weight, under new plans backed by the NHS to battle obesity.
0:13:48 > 0:13:52How patronising is that? "Hello, Mr Fatty.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56"If you lose weight, I'll give you a pound!
0:13:56 > 0:13:59"Don't eat it, you silly num-num!"
0:13:59 > 0:14:02It's not just money. Look what Stoke County Council are doing.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10How patronising is that?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13These are the actual texts that they've sent to people...
0:14:24 > 0:14:27And here are the replies they're going to get...
0:14:34 > 0:14:36It's horrific!
0:14:38 > 0:14:39Obesity is a medical condition.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43Christ, what messages do they send for schizophrenia?
0:14:43 > 0:14:44"Cheer up...
0:14:44 > 0:14:45"both of you!"
0:14:49 > 0:14:51"Ooh, this one's got OCD.
0:14:51 > 0:14:56"I bet you wish this sentence had a full stop...comma."
0:15:02 > 0:15:04It's so insensitive.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07You're not going to solve obesity by sending motivational texts.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Besides, you don't know who you could be texting.
0:15:10 > 0:15:11PHONE BEEPS
0:15:17 > 0:15:19LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:15:20 > 0:15:23It's true! You could be texting anyone.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31My guest tonight is a poet, writer, performer and general troublemaker.
0:15:31 > 0:15:36He's wonderful. Please welcome the fantastic Benjamin Zephaniah.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42- Thank you so much for coming on the show.- My pleasure, man.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44I got to tell you something,
0:15:44 > 0:15:47I should tell you this away from the audience, really,
0:15:47 > 0:15:49- but I really love you, man. - Oh, really?- Yeah.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53I really do, man. I watch your show - I don't watch much on television -
0:15:53 > 0:15:54but I watch your show and I think,
0:15:54 > 0:15:57"That's a guy I really want to wrestle with."
0:15:57 > 0:16:00LAUGHTER
0:16:00 > 0:16:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:16:08 > 0:16:09LAUGHTER
0:16:09 > 0:16:11What a lovely thing to say.
0:16:11 > 0:16:16- It's true.- That's really lovely. - I like your moves, man.- Do you?- Yeah.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20I feel fantastic.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22You'd like to wrestle with me?
0:16:22 > 0:16:25I thought we were going to chat about poetry but it turns out
0:16:25 > 0:16:27we could go down an entirely different avenue.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29And I don't mean that as a euphemism.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34But if you're up for that...
0:16:34 > 0:16:36- How... - LAUGHTER
0:16:36 > 0:16:39There's a lovely air of sexual tension.
0:16:39 > 0:16:40I've wanted to meet you for a while,
0:16:40 > 0:16:44cos you describe yourself as a writer, a poet and a troublemaker.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46What do you mean by that?
0:16:46 > 0:16:49What I mean is...
0:16:49 > 0:16:52that if we didn't have troublemakers...
0:16:53 > 0:16:55..most of, if not all of,
0:16:55 > 0:16:57the women in this audience wouldn't have the vote.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00A black person wouldn't be talking to a white person.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02I'd probably be back in slavery.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05We need troublemakers to make trouble,
0:17:05 > 0:17:07to challenge the establishment,
0:17:07 > 0:17:10and I want to be one of these people that challenge the establishment.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12What you've just said is amazing.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14APPLAUSE
0:17:14 > 0:17:17This is really strange,
0:17:17 > 0:17:19but do you know the poem which says,
0:17:19 > 0:17:21just reminded me of what you said...
0:17:21 > 0:17:25"Those who dream by night In the dusty recesses of their mind
0:17:25 > 0:17:28"Wake in the day to find that all is vanity
0:17:28 > 0:17:30"But the dreamers of the day are dangerous men
0:17:30 > 0:17:33"For they act upon their visions with open eyes
0:17:33 > 0:17:36- and make them happen."- That's deep shit, man.- Nice, isn't it?
0:17:36 > 0:17:38LAUGHTER
0:17:38 > 0:17:40The way you said it is much better.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Who's the poet here?!
0:17:43 > 0:17:48I read up about you and you've met so many amazing people - Bob Marley,
0:17:48 > 0:17:53Nelson Mandela. Who is the person that sticks out the most to you?
0:17:53 > 0:17:56Well, that's a really interesting question.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Cos I read a story that, when you met Nelson Mandela,
0:17:59 > 0:18:01he was a fan of yours.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03- Yeah, that was really bizarre. - Isn't that amazing?
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Cos when he was in prison -
0:18:05 > 0:18:07he had a kind of government in exile in prison, so he had
0:18:07 > 0:18:11a Minister of Education and a Minster of Transport and all that stuff.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15And I also met the prison guards that held him captive.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17And they said they would nick newspapers
0:18:17 > 0:18:19and look at the news of the day
0:18:19 > 0:18:22- and talk about what they would do as a government.- Wow.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25So one day he was given a parcel of my poetry and music -
0:18:25 > 0:18:27in those days it was cassettes.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30And they played it all and read it all and sat down and talked about
0:18:30 > 0:18:34the political situation in Britain, what they would do as a government.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Yeah.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39When I met Mandela, he was, like, thanking me for all the work
0:18:39 > 0:18:42I've done in supporting the struggle against apartheid and I'm saying,
0:18:42 > 0:18:43"Come on, man." You know?
0:18:43 > 0:18:46"I'm thanking you for being such an inspiration."
0:18:46 > 0:18:50- And Bob Marley, when I was a kid, I wrote a letter to him.- Did you?
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Yeah, I wrote a letter and sent him some poems and said, you know,
0:18:52 > 0:18:56"My name's Benjamin Zephaniah, I come from Birmingham.
0:18:56 > 0:19:01"And I write poetry." And he wrote me a handwritten letter back
0:19:01 > 0:19:04- and said something like, "Britain needs you. Keep going."- Aww!
0:19:04 > 0:19:07- How old were you? - It was very inspirational to me.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09I was about 15 at the time.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13- What an amazing thing. Do you still have that?- No.
0:19:13 > 0:19:17- How have you lost that?- I left it at a girlfriend's house, mate.
0:19:17 > 0:19:18LAUGHTER
0:19:18 > 0:19:21I had to get out quickly!
0:19:21 > 0:19:24Did you use that letter to go, "See who I know..."?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26I used it all the time!
0:19:26 > 0:19:29"Me and Bob Marley... Yeah."
0:19:32 > 0:19:34"My mate Bob."
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Favourite Bob Marley song, it's got to be Redemption Song, innit?
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Yeah, I love Redemption Song. But I love Bob Marley as a poet.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42I see him as a poet.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44"This morning I woke up in a curfew
0:19:44 > 0:19:46"Oh, God, I was a prisoner, too.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49"Could not recognise the faces standing over me
0:19:49 > 0:19:51"All dressed in uniforms of brutality
0:19:51 > 0:19:55"How many rivers do we have to cross before we can talk to the boss?"
0:19:55 > 0:19:57That's a song lyric but it's a poem, it's beautiful.
0:19:57 > 0:20:02Not one of his most popular lyrics but, to me, one of his most powerful.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Honestly, if I was a woman right now...
0:20:05 > 0:20:06LAUGHTER
0:20:06 > 0:20:10Here's a question. Have you ever used poetry to woo ladies?
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Oh, yeah, all the time.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I'm still single.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:21 > 0:20:24Do you ever get stage fright?
0:20:24 > 0:20:27- No, not really.- OK. Some poets do.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29I'm not sure if you've ever seen this,
0:20:29 > 0:20:35but this is both toe-curlingly awkward and very funny.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38- You're going to do a spoken word for us now, right?- Right.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40And tell us what we're about to hear.
0:20:40 > 0:20:44- It's just a freestyle.- OK.- I'm just going to think it up.- Freestyle.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47- Let me sit back. Go ahead, Marshall.- OK.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53Years ago they tried to...
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Years ago they tried to put me in a...
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Uh, this is lie.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11- Did you want to try to read something from your book?- Yeah.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Wow.
0:21:18 > 0:21:23Who is your favourite poet? Or your favourite poem.
0:21:23 > 0:21:28Well, my favourite poem is by Adrian Mitchell. Very short poem.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33- The version I like is only three lines.- OK.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36"Most people ignore most poetry
0:21:36 > 0:21:39"Because most poetry ignores most people."
0:21:40 > 0:21:44I think that's very true.
0:21:44 > 0:21:48A lot of people write poetry that's pretentious.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Trying to show off how educated they are.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52I want to take poetry off the bookshelf
0:21:52 > 0:21:54and give it back to the people.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57I want to make it musical, funny, serious.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01- But it's just so...- I want people to understand that poetry's for them.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04We can have a go, we can try and write a poem. Shall we write a poem?
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Just write a poem about the news, that would be fun.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08LAUGHTER
0:22:08 > 0:22:11- Depends on what day you write it, mate.- It does.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14Benjamin Zephaniah
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Vladimir Putin is a liar
0:22:16 > 0:22:19It seems to me the world's a farce
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Obsessed with Kim Kardashian's arse
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Switch on the telly
0:22:23 > 0:22:26There's news that will amuse
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Make you cry or sob
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Taking the piss, that's my job.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:38 > 0:22:42You know what? I reckon his brother wrote that.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44If my brother wrote that,
0:22:44 > 0:22:47there'd have been a different rhyme for "job."
0:22:47 > 0:22:50Thank you so much for coming on the show, it's been a genuine pleasure.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52My pleasure, man. Thank you.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Ladies and gentlemen, the wonderful Benjamin Zephaniah.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:23:00 > 0:23:04Now, elsewhere this week, did you hear the news about pensioners?
0:23:04 > 0:23:08It's the young who get the blame for Britain's boozy image, with scenes of
0:23:08 > 0:23:11drunken carnage on a Friday and Saturday night.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14But the official statistics tell a rather different story.
0:23:14 > 0:23:15Problem drinking is on the rise,
0:23:15 > 0:23:18not among teenagers, but among their grandparents.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Pensioners are getting wasted!
0:23:22 > 0:23:24"I'm off me Zimmer!"
0:23:26 > 0:23:30"Do you want to watch Countdown, Nan?" "No, I want to get bolloxed.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33"Lazy-eyed bastard. I want to get on it."
0:23:33 > 0:23:37It's not just drinking - check out this bloke.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39I've got every intention of growing old disgracefully.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Tony even spent his 60th birthday in Ibiza.
0:23:42 > 0:23:47We was dancing in Manumission at four o'clock in the morning.
0:23:47 > 0:23:51How great is that? It's amazing.
0:23:51 > 0:23:55I would love to see pensioners in Ibiza.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Do you reckon they're doing drugs?
0:23:57 > 0:23:59I would love to see a granny on speed.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03"I've knitted four jumpers!"
0:24:03 > 0:24:07"Who wants a scarf? Who wants a scarf?"
0:24:07 > 0:24:11"Tea cosy! I'll do you a tea cosy!"
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Wouldn't that be amazing? Little grannies just wandering around
0:24:14 > 0:24:17the club - "I've just had some magic mushroom tea!
0:24:17 > 0:24:20"Not as nice as PG, but on the plus side,
0:24:20 > 0:24:22"I've turned into a badger!"
0:24:24 > 0:24:26"I'm a knitting badger!"
0:24:27 > 0:24:29So booze, drugs, anything else?
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Yes! According to the latest research...
0:24:37 > 0:24:41Digger Dan! That is amazing. I tell you what,
0:24:41 > 0:24:43if they come up with a dating site for pensioners,
0:24:43 > 0:24:46they have to call it Wrinkle Pickers.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50"I'm on WrinklePickers.com.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53"Like. Like..."
0:24:53 > 0:24:56It's a lovely image, isn't it, grannies flirting online?
0:24:56 > 0:25:02"Oh-ho-ho! 'I'll put the "oh" into OAP.' "
0:25:04 > 0:25:07It's not just dating. Check out this silver fox.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11We've got the internet now so therefore one watches pornography.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13And I wanted some of that.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19"I wanted some of that." He's incredible.
0:25:19 > 0:25:23He's not just watching porn, he's getting his funk on 24/7.
0:25:23 > 0:25:29And who thought, at 69, I'd be a sex icon?
0:25:29 > 0:25:31And I am!
0:25:31 > 0:25:36It's just suddenly sex, sex, sex, and I'm good at it.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41That's the biggest surprise.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43LAUGHING: I'm actually quite good at it!
0:25:45 > 0:25:47"I'm a sexual legend!
0:25:47 > 0:25:52"Still, you know what they say, once you go grey, you can't stay away."
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Finally, here's a guy who risks his life every day
0:26:00 > 0:26:02simply to allow kids to read.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12NEWSREADERS SPEAK SPANISH
0:26:27 > 0:26:30The mobile library is like an ice cream truck.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34You know, Nelson comes in, goes down the main road of the neighbourhood
0:26:34 > 0:26:39and he starts honking and it's like a call to all these children.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42You hear them screaming, running around, jumping in joy,
0:26:42 > 0:26:45charging towards the car. And the second Nelson parks the car,
0:26:45 > 0:26:48these kids are rushing into the pick-up truck.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51You have these kids carrying tables twice their weight,
0:26:51 > 0:26:56trying to run to set things up cos they're so eager, they're so excited.
0:26:56 > 0:27:00IN SPANISH:
0:27:09 > 0:27:13He tells the children that they have 15 to 20 minutes
0:27:13 > 0:27:16to read whichever book they want.
0:27:16 > 0:27:20And the second he says go, these children rush the table.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23When I went to school, we would jump around and scream
0:27:23 > 0:27:26and run around in joy when class was cancelled.
0:27:26 > 0:27:31Here, you have these kids, who are as happy as humanly possible
0:27:31 > 0:27:33because they're going to have class.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40IN SPANISH:
0:28:05 > 0:28:07Pretty awesome.
0:28:07 > 0:28:10Thanks very much for watching Good News.
0:28:10 > 0:28:13Good night, my friends. Farewell.