0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains adult humour and some strong language
0:00:12 > 0:00:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:27 > 0:00:28Thank you very much.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Hello and welcome to Good News.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37So, what's been happening?
0:00:37 > 0:00:40I tell you what, Simon McCoy really needs to work on his pulling technique.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42You are a hot mess.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45LAUGHTER
0:00:45 > 0:00:49Is it me or does this lady really like planes?
0:00:49 > 0:00:53I can hear all the aeroplanes from my house. Oh!
0:00:53 > 0:00:55LAUGHTER
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Mmmm.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04Now, I'm no expert, but I think this guy might have missed his train.
0:01:08 > 0:01:09HE YELLS
0:01:11 > 0:01:15Did anyone else see the lovechild of Gregg Wallace and Paul Weller?
0:01:15 > 0:01:18..Where people can't get a contract, a zero-hours contract...
0:01:18 > 0:01:24And finally, this bloke wins my award for interview of the year.
0:01:24 > 0:01:2720-year-old James Taylor successfully threw the largest party
0:01:27 > 0:01:29ever to hit West Michigan.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31I didn't force anything down anybody's throat.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35I didn't make anybody stay here until 7am or 11 or
0:01:35 > 0:01:36whenever it is everybody left.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39I didn't make this kid pass out on my floor.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42People wanted to be here.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48So, what's been going on?
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Well, did you hear about the scandal at Claridge's?
0:01:51 > 0:01:5440 mothers have staged a mass nurse-in protest outside
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Claridge's hotel in London.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59..To protest over an incident in which a woman was asked to
0:01:59 > 0:02:02cover herself up when she was breast-feeding in the restaurant.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06Mothers were breast-feeding on the pavement outside Claridge's hotel.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08They're nipples, they're not weapons.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10LAUGHTER
0:02:10 > 0:02:14It wasn't just the mums who were angry. Some of the kids were livid.
0:02:14 > 0:02:15LAUGHTER
0:02:16 > 0:02:20It's so pathetic! If you're offended by a woman breast-feeding,
0:02:20 > 0:02:23here's a tip. Don't fucking look!
0:02:23 > 0:02:27Oh, look, there's a woman with her breasts out, how awful!
0:02:31 > 0:02:33How absolutely awful!
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Oh, Mother!
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Do you know what I'd do if I was one of the mums?
0:02:41 > 0:02:45I'd go to Claridge's and breast-feed my kid wearing this hat.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47LAUGHTER
0:02:48 > 0:02:50That's what you do.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55How can you be offended by this?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57There's nothing wrong with breast-feeding.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00It's perfectly natural, unless of course you're the leader of UKIP.
0:03:00 > 0:03:04UKIP leader Nigel Farage provoked an outcry and some ridicule today
0:03:04 > 0:03:08after suggesting breast-feeding mothers should do it in the corner
0:03:08 > 0:03:11because it makes some other people feel embarrassed.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13I'll tell you what,
0:03:13 > 0:03:16if we're putting blankets over tits we don't like, I think
0:03:16 > 0:03:18we all know what's going to happen.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20It isn't too difficult to breast-feed a baby
0:03:20 > 0:03:23in a way that's not openly ostentatious.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Was Claridge's wrong...?
0:03:25 > 0:03:26LAUGHTER
0:03:26 > 0:03:32Not that... Not that it was the only ridiculous thing Nigel Farage
0:03:32 > 0:03:34said this week.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36He was travelling from London to Wales.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Look at the excuse he came up with for being late.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50It wasn't roadworks, it was Romanians!
0:03:51 > 0:03:53He's almost beyond parody.
0:03:53 > 0:03:58Bloody foreigners coming over here, dressing up as bollards.
0:04:01 > 0:04:02It's insane.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Like there's some bloke in Azerbaijan,
0:04:05 > 0:04:06"Why am going to England?
0:04:06 > 0:04:09"To be a success? No! To get a job? No!
0:04:09 > 0:04:13"To hog the middle lane!"
0:04:13 > 0:04:14LAUGHTER
0:04:18 > 0:04:24"I will drive so slowly... I will cause a tailback.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26"Yes, that's right."
0:04:28 > 0:04:30I don't know what that impression is.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35Mind you, UKIP aren't the only political party in trouble.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Did you see what this Tory MP was doing in Parliament?
0:04:38 > 0:04:41A Conservative MP has apologised after admitting playing
0:04:41 > 0:04:45an online game during a Parliamentary hearing on pension reforms.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48According to the Sun, Conservative Nigel Mills was playing
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Candy Crush for two-and-a-half hours.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57What a dick!
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Pensioners are freezing? He's like, "Sod that,
0:04:59 > 0:05:02"I've nearly won a Jelly Fish from the Booster Wheel."
0:05:04 > 0:05:07What's his job? Minister for Lazy Bastards?
0:05:07 > 0:05:08Mind you, it's not just him,
0:05:08 > 0:05:11they're all at it. Have you seen what David Cameron's into?
0:05:16 > 0:05:18LAUGHTER
0:05:22 > 0:05:26Staying in politics, Alex Salmond is back in the game.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29The former First Minister of Scotland Alex Salmond has launched
0:05:29 > 0:05:33his bid to win a seat at Westminster in next year's general election.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37I can now tell you that I am a candidate for the SNP
0:05:37 > 0:05:40nomination for the Gordon constituency.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42CHEERING
0:05:42 > 0:05:43Some people love him.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45He's a very nice man.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Others, not so sure.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50# Alex Salmond is a twat, is a twat
0:05:50 > 0:05:54# Alex Salmond is a twat, is a twat. #
0:05:54 > 0:05:58- Why is he a twat?- He wants to break up the Union and he shags grannies.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00LAUGHTER
0:06:03 > 0:06:05He shags grannies!
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Where's the evidence?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Mind you, not all grannies are keen on him.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Fair to say, this lady hasn't quite made her mind up
0:06:14 > 0:06:16whether she'd vote for him.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Which way are you leaning?
0:06:20 > 0:06:24- Which way is that way?- No, I think yes.- That's a no.- No, yes.- No, yes?
0:06:24 > 0:06:27- I think yes. - You're leaning towards yes?- Aye.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29LAUGHTER
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Now elsewhere this week -
0:06:33 > 0:06:35did you hear the news about the Queen?
0:06:35 > 0:06:38The skeleton dug up in a Leicester car park two years ago has now been
0:06:38 > 0:06:42proven to be Richard III after new DNA tests on two of his descendants.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46It's helped the geneticists work out what the last Plantagenet
0:06:46 > 0:06:47King of England really looked like.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50But it's not such good news for some of the current royals as tests
0:06:50 > 0:06:53also raise question marks over succession
0:06:53 > 0:06:56that could have implications for the Queen herself.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00That's right. There's doubts over the bloodline of the Royal Family.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Or as the Daily Express put it...
0:07:09 > 0:07:13It's nuts, though, isn't it? The Queen may not actually be the Queen.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17Do you reckon she'll have to get a real job? She'll be down Tesco.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21"Beep. All right, pal. Are you collecting vouchers for school?
0:07:24 > 0:07:26"Beep. I forgot the beep.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30"That's a fake fiver, mate. What do you mean, how do I know?
0:07:30 > 0:07:31"Check out my grill?"
0:07:31 > 0:07:33LAUGHTER
0:07:33 > 0:07:37Poor Liz, she'll be in some bedsit singing to herself.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41- TO THE TUNE OF THE NATIONAL ANTHEM: - # I used to eat swan for tea
0:07:41 > 0:07:44# Now it's just KFC
0:07:44 > 0:07:46# Or Pot Noodle
0:07:46 > 0:07:47# Do, do, do, do
0:07:47 > 0:07:50# I used to wear a crown
0:07:50 > 0:07:53# Now I just watch Countdown
0:07:53 > 0:07:58# Still one thing don't make me frown
0:07:58 > 0:08:01# Charles won't be King. #
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Let's be honest, though...
0:08:06 > 0:08:09I don't know what that was about in the middle.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12Let's be honest though, if the Queen's DNA's in question,
0:08:12 > 0:08:15there's only one show that can solve this riddle.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Hello, sweetheart.
0:08:20 > 0:08:21You all right?
0:08:21 > 0:08:25Thank you very much indeed. Good morning, as ever a big, big welcome to the show.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30On today's show it's our DNA special.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Is this lady the real Queen?
0:08:32 > 0:08:34The results are in.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Take a look at this, my friends.
0:08:39 > 0:08:44So here we go. You are NOT the real queen.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Son of a bitch.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51BLEEP! BLEEP!
0:08:51 > 0:08:53APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:08:57 > 0:08:59So, what else has been going on?
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Well, we've had the ice bucket challenge.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04HE SCREAMS
0:09:05 > 0:09:08We've had the cinnamon challenge.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15And now here's the latest challenge that kids in America have
0:09:15 > 0:09:17started doing for fun.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19It's called the fire challenge.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23In the spirit of fun, people will douse themselves in rubbing
0:09:23 > 0:09:27alcohol, fingernail polish remover or hand-sanitiser and then, yes,
0:09:27 > 0:09:29light it on fire.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33What?! What a bunch of dicks!
0:09:34 > 0:09:36"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A bonfire".
0:09:38 > 0:09:41If you want to have fun, form a band, play football,
0:09:41 > 0:09:43put Deep Heat in your brother's toothpaste.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46LAUGHTER AND GROANS
0:09:46 > 0:09:47I mean, for Christ's sake.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51If you want a bit of fun, you don't need to set yourself on fire.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54All you need is an easily scared friend and a vegetable.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56HE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE
0:09:57 > 0:10:00HE SCREAMS
0:10:02 > 0:10:05HE GUFFAWS
0:10:05 > 0:10:08See, how happy does he look?
0:10:08 > 0:10:12Mind you, if you think setting yourself on fire is stupid,
0:10:12 > 0:10:15look what theses teachers from Kent did.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28They thought a prosthetic leg was a sex offender.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31Christ, thank God they don't work for the police.
0:10:31 > 0:10:35"Sir, we found thousands of paedos." "Where?" "The Paralympics."
0:10:36 > 0:10:40It gets better. Did you see why the leg was there?
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Poor bloke. "Hi, guys.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49"Have you seen my leg?
0:10:57 > 0:11:00"It did what to the kids?"
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Maybe those teachers were right. Maybe I'm the one being an idiot.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Maybe some prosthetic legs are paedophiles.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14Maybe it's like in Harry Potter when you get an evil wand.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18You're walking past a school and all of a sudden, "Fuck, yeah.
0:11:19 > 0:11:24"Jesus! Sorry about that, kids.
0:11:24 > 0:11:25"Oh, Jesus Christ.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29"Expelliarmus Rolfus Harris.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33"It's fine."
0:11:36 > 0:11:40To be fair though, some prosthetics do have a mind of their own.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43HE SPEAKS FRENCH
0:11:45 > 0:11:47LAUGHTER
0:11:52 > 0:11:57From filthy prosthetics to a crazy way to discipline your kids.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Did you hear about Jamie Oliver?
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Jamie Oliver has caused outrage by admitting
0:12:03 > 0:12:07he laced his daughter's food with hot chillies to punish her.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09He fed his daughter hot chillies.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12People say it's cruel but, come on,
0:12:12 > 0:12:18sometimes it is pretty funny to feed kids certain foods.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Who doesn't love the face a child pulls
0:12:20 > 0:12:23when it tries a lemon for the first time?
0:12:23 > 0:12:29Do you want some lemon? Want to try some bites? Try a big bite.
0:12:29 > 0:12:30MAN SLURPS
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Big bite, big bite.
0:12:34 > 0:12:35What do you think?
0:12:35 > 0:12:37LAUGHTER
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Want to try some more?
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Did you hear about this guy
0:12:52 > 0:12:55running for mayor in the Australian city of Adelaide?
0:12:55 > 0:12:59Nkweto Nkamba is running for a seat on the Port Adelaide-Enfield council
0:12:59 > 0:13:02and wanted a slogan voters would remember.
0:13:02 > 0:13:03So, what slogan did he go for?
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Something about tax? Health? No.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09- 'His message is clear.' - Vote for the black guy.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11LAUGHTER
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Vote for the black guy!
0:13:14 > 0:13:18He is the happiest man in the world.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21I've had some really good response.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23This guy comes out of his house, I don't even know him,
0:13:23 > 0:13:25and he's like, "Hey, it's the black guy."
0:13:25 > 0:13:28"Hey, it's the black guy.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31"He didn't know who I was, he was just really racist!"
0:13:32 > 0:13:35I'd love it if our politics was as blunt as this.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Campaign posters would be great.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51From Australia to Japan. This is wonderful. I love this story.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Did you see his apology? Oh, my God!
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Normally, when an MP resigns, they don't really show emotion.
0:14:01 > 0:14:02Not this bloke!
0:14:02 > 0:14:04HE SPEAKS JAPANESE
0:14:08 > 0:14:11HE SOBS
0:14:23 > 0:14:24Now, if any of you
0:14:24 > 0:14:27are about to go into hospital you may want to look away now.
0:14:27 > 0:14:28I don't want to worry you
0:14:28 > 0:14:32but new research carried out by a scientist from Bath has suggested
0:14:32 > 0:14:37over 150 patients could wake up every year while undergoing surgery.
0:14:37 > 0:14:43Holy shit! How scary is that? Now we know how this poor sod feels.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45NOSE BUZZES
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Imagine what doctors are doing when people are out cold.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51We've actually got footage of someone describing their experience.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Now, this is brilliant.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18I've saved the maddest health story for last.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28Well, that is going to change first dates.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31- So nice to finally meet you.- Lovely to meet you. To a wonderful evening.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Oh, the food's arrived.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Thanks very much. I'm actually on a new diet.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47In my hair!
0:15:47 > 0:15:49In your face!
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Dinner over there!
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Drinky poo.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Have some more!
0:15:59 > 0:16:02- I want to complain. - I'm sorry about that man, sir.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Not him, there's a woman breast-feeding over there.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Now, tonight's guest is a former Premiership
0:16:14 > 0:16:17and international footballer who has battled against leukaemia
0:16:17 > 0:16:19and is now back playing again.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Here's Petrov. Shooting position.
0:16:22 > 0:16:28And he takes full advantage of it, Petrov with a brilliant finish.
0:16:28 > 0:16:33Ashley Young. It's a poor clearance from Carroll. Petrov, oh!
0:16:34 > 0:16:353-0.
0:16:47 > 0:16:52Been in dark places. It's been hell, back, hell, back again.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55I managed to go through it, it was difficult.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58I get up every morning, I smile, kiss my kids, see my wife.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01That's something I appreciate these days.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18It's the dream come true again. Because I'm like a little kid.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21I live for Sunday and I want to play football
0:17:21 > 0:17:23with a smile and enjoyment, as well.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Please welcome Stiliyan Petrov.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Thank you so much for coming on the show.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37- First thing, how are you? - I'm fine, thank you.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Everything is going well so far.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41It's been a long couple of years for me.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44It was really tough.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47I had very hard moments, but had good moments, as well.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51What are the good moments? I'm struggling to think...
0:17:51 > 0:17:54Good moments are...with my wife,
0:17:54 > 0:17:56she was with me every single day in the hospital.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58She slept on a little bed
0:17:58 > 0:18:02and when we remember now, after being through so much, we laugh about it.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05- Yeah, right. - I used to have chemotherapy
0:18:05 > 0:18:08and try to avoid thinking about the chemotherapy.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10I was dancing with the chemotherapy.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13We had video, when I look at it now, I laugh about it.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16But at the time it was very serious because
0:18:16 > 0:18:19when you go through something like that, you fight for your life.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23You know you are either going to make it or not make it, so...
0:18:23 > 0:18:26That's love, the fact that your wife has celebrated you scoring from
0:18:26 > 0:18:30the halfway line and now she's slept next to you in a tiny hospital bed.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33- That's love.- It is.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36And we always look about finding our perfect half, you know?
0:18:36 > 0:18:37I think I found her.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41She was crying when I was injured, celebrating when I scored goals
0:18:41 > 0:18:42and she stick with me
0:18:42 > 0:18:45when I went through the hardest time of my life, you know?
0:18:45 > 0:18:48If she doesn't love you now, she's definitely going to love you
0:18:48 > 0:18:50when she hears you say that on telly.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53You are in for it when you get home.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55APPLAUSE
0:18:55 > 0:18:56That's amazing.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59One of my favourite stories about you,
0:18:59 > 0:19:02and there will be people in the room that know
0:19:02 > 0:19:04and people that won't, is the gesture that the Villa fans did.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06What a lovely thing.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10Stiliyan wore the number 19 on his back.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13When I was diagnosed, the Villa fans wanted to do something
0:19:13 > 0:19:17so they decided to stand up in the 19th minute and applaud me.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20And, for me, it went deep into my heart.
0:19:20 > 0:19:25I'll never forget, I can never express what I felt every day
0:19:25 > 0:19:30when I watched any game when I was in hospital, watching it when they stand
0:19:30 > 0:19:35up on 19 minutes clapping, and that was happening for a year-and-a-half.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37- Wow!- It was amazing.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Now, this isn't the first battle that you've had.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44I read your book and you had a battle with something you
0:19:44 > 0:19:47were afraid of when you were a kid. Can you remember?
0:19:47 > 0:19:50- That was a bit weird. - It's a bit weird, pretty funny.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53This is so funny. I'm going to put you on the spot here.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Can you remember what you were afraid of
0:19:55 > 0:19:56when you were a little boy?
0:19:56 > 0:20:00- When I was a little boy, I was afraid from strong winds.- The wind.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04Strong wind and for some reason, every time there was strong wind
0:20:04 > 0:20:06I just ran home.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09And I close all the windows and I don't go out.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11People are laughing. That is funny, man.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14It's scary at the same time as much as it's funny.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Were your older brothers just getting fans?
0:20:18 > 0:20:22My mum was panicking at one point, saying, "This is wrong."
0:20:22 > 0:20:25It's so wrong, it's insane. Who's afraid of the wind?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27But being afraid is a big thing.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31And this need to stop so my grandma said to me,
0:20:31 > 0:20:36- "You know what, you've got this witch that you can go..."- A what?
0:20:36 > 0:20:39- A witch.- This story gets even better.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43She said to me, "You need to take him somewhere to a village.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47"And they're going to get him to a room, get him beside a river
0:20:47 > 0:20:49"and they're going to put three bullets..."
0:20:49 > 0:20:54Whoa! So far there's a witch, three bullets...
0:20:54 > 0:20:57And all of a sudden, she got these bullets in a little bowl,
0:20:57 > 0:21:01they just went, like somebody fired them.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05I was like, "What's happening here?" It was scary, it was weird.
0:21:05 > 0:21:10- I tell you what...- It worked. - If it's windy now, I'm fine with it.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Now, let's talk football.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16Who would you say is your favourite player ever?
0:21:16 > 0:21:19- I would say Henrik Larsson. - Henrik Larsson, yeah.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Because I love playing against him and he's a great man, as well.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25I would have thought it would have been Anton Ferdinand because
0:21:25 > 0:21:29we're got a picture of you and Anton here and you look pretty close.
0:21:29 > 0:21:30LAUGHTER
0:21:31 > 0:21:34At that time we were quite close friends.
0:21:34 > 0:21:38Mind you, Anton had it bad. Did you see what Tevez did to Rio?
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- That's much worse. - That's why I was gentle with Anton.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49Do you want to be a manager? Do you fancy doing that?
0:21:49 > 0:21:50You seem to have composure.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53I'd like to see you on Match Of The Day, you'd be good.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55- I'm...- You'd be good.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59Mixed at the moment. I'm doing my coaching badges at the moment.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02I'm not really sure I want to be a manager.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06Today's football is completely different.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10- It's completely different, stress, the intensity...- You'd be great.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Would you like to be my assistant? If we lose two games we'll be sacked.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17I've got a better idea. Let's get a witch with some bullets.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21She can be your assistant. If it's nice and windy, she pulls out the...
0:22:21 > 0:22:24Would that not work? That would shit up Ronaldo.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27- I don't think we would ever lose a game.- We would never lose a game.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Am I right in saying you're back playing football?
0:22:30 > 0:22:35- I am.- But you're playing non-league. - Over 35s. I'm getting older now.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37And it is fun.
0:22:37 > 0:22:41How does it differ, Premier League to Sunday League?
0:22:41 > 0:22:43You pay £3 there to play.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46It's a big difference there.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49So before, you were getting paid thousands and now you rock up...
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Have you ever had to ask your wife for the money?
0:22:52 > 0:22:54"£3 so I can play?"
0:22:54 > 0:22:57I didn't know from the start we needed to pay £3.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00So, I kept leaving after the game, having a few beers, leaving.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03So, one of the boys said, "You know we need to pay £3 to play?"
0:23:03 > 0:23:05I was like, "Sorry?"
0:23:05 > 0:23:10I didn't know, so they charged me for the first three games and I paid £9.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Nine quid, shit. So you were running up a debt?
0:23:12 > 0:23:16I thought I would get there and they would say, "It's fine."
0:23:16 > 0:23:17But no, they took it.
0:23:17 > 0:23:21It is funny. When I was young, no pressure.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25Go out there and enjoy, learn to play football. It's like the same again.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Presumably that's part of your identity,
0:23:28 > 0:23:31- so to have it back must feel wonderful?- It is.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34I love playing football and I've got the chance to do that again,
0:23:34 > 0:23:36without the pressure.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Being in the Premier League, being in professional football is
0:23:38 > 0:23:40so intensive now.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42It's so much pressure and over there is so relaxed.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44It's like going back to my youth.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48- I feel alive again.- So, what does the future hold for you?
0:23:48 > 0:23:52Future, I've got three more months of treatment.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55I'm on chemo tablets every day.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58One cycle end of January and that's it, I'm free.
0:23:58 > 0:24:04And after that, in a year's time, I will try to go back and do something.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- What will I do? I don't know. - The world's your oyster.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Ladies and gentlemen, the wonderful Stiliyan Petrov.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Yeah. Now, some ridiculous art stories in the news.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Did you see this?
0:24:22 > 0:24:23What do you make of this?
0:24:23 > 0:24:26It's the new star exhibit at the Serpentine Sackler Gallery in London.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30The German artist behind the work overturned furniture.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Says it represents the harmony of everyday objects.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37It represents the harmony of... No, it doesn't.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39It looks like a toddler has thrown a shit fit in IKEA.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44What is it with artists? Why does everything have to be crazy?
0:24:44 > 0:24:46I mean, did you hear about this lady?
0:24:46 > 0:24:51'My name is Casey Jenkins, I'm a performer craftivist
0:24:51 > 0:24:55'doing a performance piece called Casting Off My Womb.'
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Hmmm, sounds interesting.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59I wonder what she's doing.
0:24:59 > 0:25:03'I'm spending 28 days knitting from wool that I've
0:25:03 > 0:25:05'inserted in my vagina.'
0:25:05 > 0:25:08GASPS AND LAUGHTER
0:25:17 > 0:25:20She's put wool up her fanny!
0:25:20 > 0:25:22SCREAMS
0:25:22 > 0:25:24APPLAUSE
0:25:30 > 0:25:32That's not art.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35That's just a really cheap tampon.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39She's so pretentious.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Look at the reason she's doing it.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45How is that a feminist protest?
0:25:45 > 0:25:47She's hardly a suffragette, is she?
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Emmeline Pankhurst went on hunger strikes,
0:25:50 > 0:25:52she didn't knit a bobble hat with her growler.
0:25:54 > 0:25:55"Shall we get women the vote?"
0:25:55 > 0:25:58"Sod that, let's make some muff mittens."
0:25:58 > 0:26:02# Sisters are doing it for themselves! #
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Such bollocks, isn't it?
0:26:04 > 0:26:07If you're an artist, you can get away with anything.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10If that was my mum, she'd be in a van on her way to a home.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14"It's for the Turner Prize." "Get in the van."
0:26:14 > 0:26:16"Do you want a jumper?"
0:26:16 > 0:26:18"No, I don't want a jumper."
0:26:18 > 0:26:22She's mad. Look how she claims the public have reacted.
0:26:22 > 0:26:27'When I'm sitting in the gallery knitting, a lot of the reaction
0:26:27 > 0:26:30'is people say, "You're so brave. You're so brave." '
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Brave, really?
0:26:32 > 0:26:35I think you'll find the typical Aussie felt more like this.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37It is fucking madness.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41The next bloke who shags her is going to wind up with
0:26:41 > 0:26:43a balaclava on the end of his knob.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45LAUGHTER
0:26:51 > 0:26:53And finally, here's a great story to end the series on.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Nathan is six years old. He has cerebral palsy.
0:26:58 > 0:27:02We hit a spot where his confidence was really suffering.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05We think he worked out that he was disabled
0:27:05 > 0:27:06and not like other children.
0:27:06 > 0:27:10So he started to whisper and if you say, "What did you say?"
0:27:10 > 0:27:13and then he wouldn't repeat
0:27:13 > 0:27:16because I think he started to realise that what
0:27:16 > 0:27:19he said wasn't right or wasn't clear.
0:27:22 > 0:27:26- Good boy.- 'But now Nathan's finding his voice,
0:27:26 > 0:27:31'remarkably, with the help of ponies like Pisky, the miniature Shetland.'
0:27:31 > 0:27:34- Tell him he's a good boy. - Good boy.- That's it.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38A lot of children and young people that we work with live with
0:27:38 > 0:27:42- a lot of anxiety, sadness. - Good boy. Keep it going.
0:27:42 > 0:27:46Horses are very naturally calming. Horses don't lie.
0:27:46 > 0:27:51They express how they feel. They use a lot of body language.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53It's easier to talk to a horse
0:27:53 > 0:27:57because they don't expect things in the same way that human beings do.
0:27:57 > 0:28:02They don't expect you to be perfect. They just take you as you are.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Children are encouraged to write down their fears.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08The pieces of paper are made into a necklace
0:28:08 > 0:28:11and carried by a horse down to the brook in Rugby.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14The current is going to take them all away.
0:28:14 > 0:28:18It's going to be really quick... Look at me.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21It's going to be all your fears going, OK?
0:28:28 > 0:28:32- How does Nathan feel, happy or sad?- Happy.- Happy.
0:28:32 > 0:28:36'He's massively gained in confidence because if there's one thing
0:28:36 > 0:28:38'he had to do here it's make a big voice,
0:28:38 > 0:28:41'make himself tall. Just to see him bond with the horse'
0:28:41 > 0:28:45and gain that confidence and feeling brave enough to do that
0:28:45 > 0:28:48and not feeling judged by the horse, it was great.
0:28:51 > 0:28:53What a dude. Thanks very much for watching Good News.
0:28:53 > 0:28:56Good night, my friends. Good night.
0:28:56 > 0:28:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE