Episode 1

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0:00:02 > 0:00:04Coming up... Major nudity...

0:00:04 > 0:00:06Have we caught you at a bad time?

0:00:06 > 0:00:08..graphic language...

0:00:08 > 0:00:11Look at that van. Does that say "prick"?

0:00:11 > 0:00:14..and scenes of a bedroom nature.

0:00:14 > 0:00:15Can you scratch my pinky?

0:00:17 > 0:00:18No, no.

0:00:18 > 0:00:23Extreme situations that call for an extreme police response.

0:00:23 > 0:00:25Dream team, dream team!

0:00:25 > 0:00:27This is...Scot Squad.

0:00:39 > 0:00:43Scotland's cops are constantly adapting to combat crime.

0:00:43 > 0:00:47One man fully clued up on the evolution of the crime-fighter

0:00:47 > 0:00:50is the Charles Darwin of law enforcement,

0:00:50 > 0:00:53Chief Commissioner Cameron Miekelson.

0:00:53 > 0:00:57Oh, the force has changed considerably since I joined.

0:00:57 > 0:01:00A few years ago now, I can tell you! But for the better.

0:01:00 > 0:01:02You know, we're better equipped, it's fairer.

0:01:02 > 0:01:04The young recruits now, they're fitter,

0:01:04 > 0:01:06they're faster, they're leaner.

0:01:06 > 0:01:11They're not taller, I'll give you that, they are not taller.

0:01:11 > 0:01:13And maybe,

0:01:13 > 0:01:15if you were to push me, call me old-fashioned,

0:01:15 > 0:01:19but I think the only thing I regret about modern policing is getting rid

0:01:19 > 0:01:21of the height restriction. You know, I think, look,

0:01:21 > 0:01:22I think there's just something,

0:01:22 > 0:01:25there's a certain gravitas, isn't there?

0:01:25 > 0:01:28With a gentleman over six feet tall, you know?

0:01:28 > 0:01:32You're not any less of a man if you're under 5' 8" -

0:01:32 > 0:01:36although, TECHNICALLY, you are,

0:01:36 > 0:01:39there is just simply less of you.

0:01:40 > 0:01:43It's a question of authority.

0:01:43 > 0:01:44Look.

0:01:50 > 0:01:52Who's taking this guy seriously?

0:01:52 > 0:01:56But, other than that, the force has definitely improved.

0:01:56 > 0:01:58On the big city streets,

0:01:58 > 0:02:03the best are taking the concept of policing better to bigger heights.

0:02:03 > 0:02:05Street cops Sarah Fletcher

0:02:05 > 0:02:10and Jack McLaren are using the full force of fairness.

0:02:10 > 0:02:14It's important to be inclusive in the police force

0:02:14 > 0:02:21and be nonjudgemental about people's lifestyles, religion, backgrounds,

0:02:21 > 0:02:22all that sort of thing,

0:02:22 > 0:02:26even the most, kind of... confusing circumstances.

0:02:26 > 0:02:31We were responding to a burglary and we were firstly confronted

0:02:31 > 0:02:33with a moody teenager.

0:02:33 > 0:02:34Mum, it's the police.

0:02:34 > 0:02:38And then down the stairs came...

0:02:38 > 0:02:40the owner of the house.

0:02:40 > 0:02:42Good afternoon, police officers,

0:02:42 > 0:02:44thank you so much for coming, thank you.

0:02:44 > 0:02:48'And she was naked.'

0:02:49 > 0:02:52I've seen more naked women than most, I would imagine,

0:02:52 > 0:02:55but it was still, still a shock when you're not expecting it.

0:02:55 > 0:02:58Usually I expect or instigate it, but it was a shock.

0:02:58 > 0:03:00Do you want me to put some clothes on?

0:03:00 > 0:03:02- No, if that's how...- Are you sure? - Ah, yeah...

0:03:02 > 0:03:05I can easily put some clothes on if you're embarrassed.

0:03:05 > 0:03:06If you're comfortable...

0:03:06 > 0:03:08I'm very comfortable like this, this is me all the time.

0:03:08 > 0:03:11If you're uncomfortable, I'll put some clothes on.

0:03:11 > 0:03:12Are you a naturist, is that what you do?

0:03:12 > 0:03:14- Yes.- Yes.

0:03:14 > 0:03:17- Are you OK with that?- Cool, yes. - That's fine.- Good.

0:03:17 > 0:03:19- So, you've had a break-in. - Yes.- Yes.

0:03:19 > 0:03:23So, if you want to take us to where the break-in...

0:03:23 > 0:03:25- Yeah, if you just want to... - Where they entered.

0:03:25 > 0:03:27- ..want to come this way?- Uh-huh.

0:03:27 > 0:03:30When you're in someone's surroundings and you're invited in,

0:03:30 > 0:03:32you need to be as comfortable as they are

0:03:32 > 0:03:35and make them feel comfortable, so if she's in the buff,

0:03:35 > 0:03:37we've not necessarily got to get into the buff,

0:03:37 > 0:03:39but we've got to be comfortable with that.

0:03:39 > 0:03:43But we'd always take our hats off entering someone's house,

0:03:43 > 0:03:48- but that's as far as I'm certainly prepared to go.- Aye.

0:03:48 > 0:03:52So, in here you maybe think, did they come from up there or...?

0:03:52 > 0:03:55- No, I don't.- No, no, over here. - Let me just show you.- Right, OK.

0:03:55 > 0:03:57- Just over here.- Yeah.

0:03:57 > 0:04:01And that scratch, that wasn't there before?

0:04:02 > 0:04:04Do you see any fingerprints?

0:04:04 > 0:04:07No, no, at the minute.

0:04:07 > 0:04:11Do you need a hand or anything, Jack? No.

0:04:12 > 0:04:13And then down here.

0:04:14 > 0:04:17In here, if you look. Oh, sorry, I touched that.

0:04:17 > 0:04:18No, that, that's OK.

0:04:18 > 0:04:20If you look down in there, there's DVDs.

0:04:20 > 0:04:21DVDs, right.

0:04:25 > 0:04:28A naked ambition to serve his community

0:04:28 > 0:04:32is something Volunteer Officer Ken Beattie has in spades.

0:04:33 > 0:04:35From pounding the pavement...

0:04:36 > 0:04:38..to nailing noise nuisance.

0:04:38 > 0:04:40I'll just pump it up a bit, come on.

0:04:40 > 0:04:42Don't pump anything up.

0:04:42 > 0:04:44Always keen to assist,

0:04:44 > 0:04:47ever ready to wade in and lend a hand.

0:04:47 > 0:04:51In my job, you need to always be ready to help people at all times.

0:04:51 > 0:04:53Help!

0:04:53 > 0:04:56- Two secs, sir, I'm just coming for you.- Cheers.

0:04:59 > 0:05:01- Are you OK, sir? - No, mate, listen, I need your help,

0:05:01 > 0:05:04it's the first in the right, mate, the door's open.

0:05:04 > 0:05:06So, I rushed into action.

0:05:06 > 0:05:10It transpired that this man had broken both his legs, you know,

0:05:10 > 0:05:12he was bedbound, so I went into the house

0:05:12 > 0:05:15and I offered my assistance to him.

0:05:15 > 0:05:16Mate, gonnae dae us a favour?

0:05:16 > 0:05:20- Oh, of course, sir.- Gonnae... My telly remote, I cannae reach it.

0:05:20 > 0:05:23Oh, OK. Sorry, sorry, I'm Volunteer Officer Ken Beattie.

0:05:23 > 0:05:26- Volunteer? - Volunteer Officer Ken Beattie.

0:05:26 > 0:05:27Can you, are your arms OK?

0:05:27 > 0:05:28Good for you, mate.

0:05:28 > 0:05:32- Aargh!- Oh, God, don't move, don't move, are you OK?

0:05:32 > 0:05:33I cannae move, mate.

0:05:34 > 0:05:37- What happened to you? - Work, work-related, aye.

0:05:37 > 0:05:40I get very sore legs as well in my job.

0:05:40 > 0:05:41I'm walking around a lot.

0:05:42 > 0:05:43Aye.

0:05:45 > 0:05:46There you go.

0:05:46 > 0:05:49- Good man.- There you go.

0:05:49 > 0:05:51Just watch that, watch that apple juice down there, mate.

0:05:51 > 0:05:54- OK. Apple juice. - It's not apple juice, but...!

0:05:54 > 0:05:57That's, that's, that's no' apple juice, mate.

0:05:59 > 0:06:01TV TURNS ON

0:06:01 > 0:06:03Can you scratch my pinky? It's really, really itchy.

0:06:03 > 0:06:05- My pinky toe.- Scratch it?

0:06:05 > 0:06:08- Aye... No, no, no! No wi' your finger.- Oh, sorry, sorry.

0:06:08 > 0:06:11There's colour pencils or something, or a fork,

0:06:11 > 0:06:13- I don't know, whatever you can get.- A fork.

0:06:13 > 0:06:16- Just bang right in about it. - There's plenty of things, anyway.

0:06:16 > 0:06:18Plenty of stuff you could podger it wi', mate.

0:06:18 > 0:06:19Just find a wee podger.

0:06:19 > 0:06:22- Go for it, mate. - You wanting the rubber or the lead?

0:06:22 > 0:06:25- Lead, wee pointy bit. - Sure?- Gie it some of that.

0:06:25 > 0:06:28- It might be quite sore.- That's you, up and down, up and down.

0:06:28 > 0:06:30In about it.

0:06:30 > 0:06:32Oh, yes.

0:06:34 > 0:06:35Jimmy that action about it.

0:06:36 > 0:06:38Oh, 'ere your dinner.

0:06:38 > 0:06:40I mean, if you're no' too busy, could...?

0:06:40 > 0:06:43A wee cup of tea, mate, the kitchen's just through there.

0:06:44 > 0:06:46Honestly, honestly, I really appreciate this.

0:06:46 > 0:06:49- That's no worries at all. - Thank you.- No worries at all, sir.

0:06:49 > 0:06:50- Straight through, mate.- OK.

0:06:53 > 0:06:59No problem is too big or too small for Desk Sergeant Karen Ann Millar.

0:06:59 > 0:07:01And when it comes to problems,

0:07:01 > 0:07:03whether she finds that problem herself...

0:07:03 > 0:07:05All right, Officer Karen?

0:07:06 > 0:07:09..or the problem finds her...

0:07:09 > 0:07:10Where do you want these?

0:07:10 > 0:07:12Do you want them there or behind the desk?

0:07:12 > 0:07:13Or I'll put them in the toilet.

0:07:13 > 0:07:16..she always makes the right call.

0:07:16 > 0:07:18Thanks very much, sir, bye-bye.

0:07:20 > 0:07:23- All right, Officer Karen? - How are we doing, Bobby?

0:07:23 > 0:07:26Look, I was wondering, I'm in a rush today, I was wondering

0:07:26 > 0:07:29if you could help us put my flyers up for my new business model.

0:07:29 > 0:07:34- Oh, right.- I know how you're always saying, like, get motivated,

0:07:34 > 0:07:37positive thoughts lead to positive thinking, all that kind of stuff.

0:07:37 > 0:07:40- Yeah.- So, can you put that up in the station,

0:07:40 > 0:07:43maybe put that down there for the customers?

0:07:43 > 0:07:45"Bobby Muir's speaking clock."

0:07:45 > 0:07:46- Yeah.- OK.

0:07:46 > 0:07:49So, what kind of business is that going to be?

0:07:49 > 0:07:52- Well, basically, see when you pick up your phone, right?- Uh-huh.

0:07:52 > 0:07:55- See if you dial that number?- Yeah.

0:07:55 > 0:07:56I'll tell you the time.

0:07:56 > 0:07:59But I'll have a wee chat with you as well.

0:08:01 > 0:08:03OK, I mean, that's a nice...

0:08:03 > 0:08:06That's a nice, kind of, positive suggestion.

0:08:06 > 0:08:08I'm not sure exactly where the,

0:08:08 > 0:08:11where the moneymaking element is in that particular business model.

0:08:13 > 0:08:14It's baby steps, innit?

0:08:15 > 0:08:19I was also thinking as well, like, see if you wanted to stop smoking

0:08:19 > 0:08:21and you couldnae stop, then I hang about with you

0:08:21 > 0:08:24and every time you go to smoke I, like, slap it out your hand.

0:08:24 > 0:08:29But I wouldn't do it like bad, I'd be like, "What you smoking for?

0:08:29 > 0:08:30"Eh? I thought you wanted to stop."

0:08:32 > 0:08:34And then I was thinking about having, like,

0:08:34 > 0:08:38you know how all these kind of fancy places are starting to open up?

0:08:38 > 0:08:40So, like, punting gravy.

0:08:40 > 0:08:42Because I love gravy.

0:08:42 > 0:08:43A gravy restaurant?

0:08:43 > 0:08:47No, a gravy van, like, driving about in a van and just punt it.

0:08:48 > 0:08:53Or a cinema pal, like, you know how sometimes you go to the cinema

0:08:53 > 0:08:55and, you know, you've no' got a pal?

0:08:55 > 0:08:57Well, if you phone my number,

0:08:57 > 0:08:59I would be your pal, I'll go the cinema with you.

0:08:59 > 0:09:00I mean, yeah, that's a nice idea.

0:09:00 > 0:09:03I mean, you're probably going to find that you're only going

0:09:03 > 0:09:05to be able to have one customer at a time, so you'd probably have

0:09:05 > 0:09:07to charge them quite a lot. Because, you know,

0:09:07 > 0:09:10what you're looking for is strong income potential,

0:09:10 > 0:09:12a good, strong income stream, and that means that you're busy,

0:09:12 > 0:09:15you're out there, out THERE,

0:09:15 > 0:09:18doing business outside, you know, and that's great.

0:09:18 > 0:09:20Thank you very much, Officer Karen.

0:09:20 > 0:09:24I'm going to go away and honest to God, right, I swear,

0:09:24 > 0:09:26see the next time you see me?

0:09:26 > 0:09:27I'm going to be a millionaire.

0:09:29 > 0:09:32In that case, I'll probably not see you tomorrow.

0:09:32 > 0:09:35And I don't forget my pals, Officer Karen, so I'll see you later,

0:09:35 > 0:09:38- all right?- See you later, Bobby. - Bye. See you, Officer Karen.

0:09:38 > 0:09:40In today's Scotland,

0:09:40 > 0:09:44not only do the Scottish Police Force deal with today's criminal,

0:09:44 > 0:09:49they must recruit to stay ahead of the criminal of tomorrow's world,

0:09:49 > 0:09:53a world that is already here today.

0:09:53 > 0:09:55My name's Archie Pepper.

0:09:55 > 0:09:57I'm the head of the force's...

0:09:57 > 0:09:59Let me get this right -

0:09:59 > 0:10:06our Covert Inadvertent Alert Investigation unit.

0:10:06 > 0:10:09It's a unit. I'm the head of the unit.

0:10:09 > 0:10:11Basically, if some fanny commits a crime and then

0:10:11 > 0:10:14brags about on Facebook, I take screenshots.

0:10:15 > 0:10:17You do need certain qualifications,

0:10:17 > 0:10:20but it's a little different, what I do.

0:10:20 > 0:10:22Yeah, I didn't go to, like, police academy or anything like that.

0:10:22 > 0:10:24Or police university or...

0:10:24 > 0:10:26I went to the university of hard knocks.

0:10:26 > 0:10:28You know, Dundee.

0:10:28 > 0:10:30I did graphic design.

0:10:30 > 0:10:32But I didn't just walk out of uni into the job. I had a job before.

0:10:32 > 0:10:37You know, I was an ice cream correspondent for BuzzFeed.

0:10:37 > 0:10:38But, you know, there's parallels.

0:10:38 > 0:10:43Ten reasons mint chocolate chip is an underrated ice cream flavour,

0:10:43 > 0:10:45ten reasons your Uncle Barry's a roaster and he's getting the jail.

0:10:45 > 0:10:47You know?

0:10:47 > 0:10:49The good thing is, you don't need official qualifications

0:10:49 > 0:10:51when people are just going to write on Facebook,

0:10:51 > 0:10:53"Just robbed the bank, lol."

0:10:53 > 0:10:55You just take a screenshot and get on with your day.

0:10:58 > 0:11:00Back at the butt-naked break-in,

0:11:00 > 0:11:04Officers McLaren and Fletcher hope that the evidence

0:11:04 > 0:11:06reveals as much as the victims.

0:11:07 > 0:11:12There was some DVDs of whatever nature

0:11:12 > 0:11:15and the laptop, most importantly, which was...

0:11:15 > 0:11:19Contained a lot of holiday photos

0:11:19 > 0:11:21and personal family photos.

0:11:21 > 0:11:24Which are all going to look the same because of,

0:11:24 > 0:11:25obviously, in the scud.

0:11:25 > 0:11:27- We haven't touched anything. - Oh, there's another one.

0:11:27 > 0:11:30- Is this your...? This is your...? - This is, this is Jack.

0:11:30 > 0:11:32- Hello, officers, thanks for coming. - Hi.- Jack.

0:11:32 > 0:11:34- Nice to meet you.- Yeah. - Nice to meet you, Jack.

0:11:34 > 0:11:36I'm Jack too, yeah.

0:11:36 > 0:11:37That's where the similarities end.

0:11:37 > 0:11:39Do you want a wee bite to eat or anything?

0:11:39 > 0:11:42No, absolutely fine, we'll just get this investigated.

0:11:42 > 0:11:44And then, I don't know what's happened with this.

0:11:44 > 0:11:47'Then there was a broken vase on the table that had blood on it,'

0:11:47 > 0:11:49which we established pretty quickly wasn't their blood.

0:11:49 > 0:11:52- Definitely not your blood? - Definitely.- No.

0:11:52 > 0:11:54That's brilliant news because that's Soco.

0:11:54 > 0:11:57- Who's Soco?- Scenes of Crime, different department than us,

0:11:57 > 0:11:59- so that's not our jurisdiction. It's not us.- We're just bodies that,

0:11:59 > 0:12:03I mean, we're people that go on the...

0:12:03 > 0:12:06Scenes of Crime can go in there and do their stuff, find DNA,

0:12:06 > 0:12:08which was a proper result for us.

0:12:08 > 0:12:11I mean, we could, we could get to, cos it's another department.

0:12:11 > 0:12:13So... Oh, there's a wee hair there as well.

0:12:13 > 0:12:15- Is that..?- Oh, that's not one of ours either.

0:12:15 > 0:12:17- Oh, no.- Possibly it might be? - Not mine, definitely not.

0:12:17 > 0:12:20Maybe you should have had a wee shave this morning, then, Jack!

0:12:20 > 0:12:23We'll get that seen to as well so it'll rule out

0:12:23 > 0:12:26if it's anything to do with either of you.

0:12:26 > 0:12:29- Thanks very much for your help. - Thanks a lot, have a nice day.

0:12:29 > 0:12:31- Nice to meet you, bye. - Like me to help you there?

0:12:31 > 0:12:33- Yeah, you put them back. - OK, cheers.

0:12:33 > 0:12:37We like to think that in every circumstance we treat everyone

0:12:37 > 0:12:41equally and we will handle everyone in the same way.

0:12:43 > 0:12:46Meanwhile, the clean-up continues for Beattie.

0:12:46 > 0:12:50I ended up cleaning for him because he was incredibly messy, you know,

0:12:50 > 0:12:52there was stuff everywhere.

0:12:52 > 0:12:54You're doing a grand job, Kenny boy.

0:12:54 > 0:12:57- Cheers, man.- Thank you.

0:12:57 > 0:12:59I do the washing for the prostitutes once a month.

0:12:59 > 0:13:01They bring all their laundry to me.

0:13:01 > 0:13:03So that's why I'm so good at ironing.

0:13:03 > 0:13:06So, I was hoovering and ironing and washing, you know,

0:13:06 > 0:13:08just general police work, really.

0:13:09 > 0:13:12Nice smell off that, innit?

0:13:12 > 0:13:14Yeah, it is, actually.

0:13:14 > 0:13:18So, tell me, what exactly is it you do for work?

0:13:18 > 0:13:22Well, just kind of like, used to do deliveries and that.

0:13:22 > 0:13:25Deliveries for a Chinese or Indian?

0:13:25 > 0:13:27I'm quite partial to a Chinese.

0:13:27 > 0:13:30No, like deals and that.

0:13:30 > 0:13:31Deals?

0:13:33 > 0:13:35Like...

0:13:35 > 0:13:37watches or socks?

0:13:37 > 0:13:38Drugs.

0:13:41 > 0:13:42Excuse me?

0:13:42 > 0:13:43Aye, drugs.

0:13:46 > 0:13:47(Drugs?)

0:13:48 > 0:13:49Dru...?

0:13:49 > 0:13:50You're a...?

0:13:50 > 0:13:53It turned out that he was a drug dealer,

0:13:53 > 0:13:57which was quite a shock to me.

0:13:57 > 0:13:58You know, I'd been helping a drug dealer,

0:13:58 > 0:14:00something I never thought would have happened.

0:14:00 > 0:14:02Oh, my God, I can't believe

0:14:02 > 0:14:05I've been cleaning up after you, you scumbag!

0:14:05 > 0:14:06A drug dealer?!

0:14:06 > 0:14:09There you go, how do you like that?

0:14:09 > 0:14:10I've been running around after you.

0:14:10 > 0:14:12Then his mother came back.

0:14:12 > 0:14:14Give me that. Don't touch that.

0:14:14 > 0:14:17There you go. Try and watch the TV now, Mr Drug...

0:14:17 > 0:14:19- FRONT DOOR OPENS - That's me in, son!

0:14:19 > 0:14:21What's going on here?

0:14:21 > 0:14:23I'm Volunteer Officer Ken Beattie.

0:14:23 > 0:14:25- Right.- Pleasure to meet you.

0:14:25 > 0:14:26Do you think?

0:14:28 > 0:14:30What are you doing here?

0:14:30 > 0:14:34Well, I was helping your son tidy up your house, actually.

0:14:34 > 0:14:37- Trying to say I've got a dirty house?- I'll tell you something,

0:14:37 > 0:14:39your son...

0:14:39 > 0:14:41(is a drug dealer.)

0:14:41 > 0:14:42Aye.

0:14:43 > 0:14:45How do you think his legs got broken?

0:14:47 > 0:14:50Ma maw chucked me down the stair.

0:14:50 > 0:14:52Turns out she actually pushed him down the stairs.

0:14:52 > 0:14:56And she threatened to do something quite similar to me, so...

0:14:56 > 0:14:59Ended up staying for another five hours,

0:14:59 > 0:15:01cleaning up the house some more.

0:15:01 > 0:15:04Maybe I'll think twice about helping someone,

0:15:04 > 0:15:06because anyone could be a drug dealer.

0:15:06 > 0:15:08That's what I've learned from that.

0:15:08 > 0:15:10- I- could be a drug dealer.

0:15:11 > 0:15:13I'm definitely not a drug dealer.

0:15:13 > 0:15:15Well, of course,

0:15:15 > 0:15:18I can only enforce the laws that are currently in place, you know.

0:15:18 > 0:15:20The law is fluid.

0:15:20 > 0:15:23For instance, at the moment, alcohol is legal,

0:15:23 > 0:15:25cannabis is illegal.

0:15:25 > 0:15:29That could change. Currently, there's a prohibition on cannabis.

0:15:29 > 0:15:30America's the example.

0:15:30 > 0:15:32There used to be prohibition on alcohol.

0:15:32 > 0:15:35It's told in The Untouchables, you'll remember the film.

0:15:35 > 0:15:38Big Sean, the Irish-American cop.

0:15:38 > 0:15:41Remember the line, "He puts one of yours in the hospital,

0:15:41 > 0:15:43"you put one of his in the morgue."

0:15:43 > 0:15:46Classic, old-school policing, I like to say.

0:15:46 > 0:15:49And then, of course, at the end of that movie, the wee lad's saying,

0:15:49 > 0:15:53"Elliott, Elliott, we might be repealing prohibition."

0:15:53 > 0:15:56He goes, "Well, I'll have a drink, then."

0:15:56 > 0:15:57That could be us tomorrow.

0:15:57 > 0:16:00Cannabis could be legal.

0:16:00 > 0:16:03Now, do I immediately spark up a big doobie?

0:16:03 > 0:16:04Unlikely.

0:16:05 > 0:16:07But never say never.

0:16:07 > 0:16:11A breaking crime situation is escalating.

0:16:11 > 0:16:14It's time for Archie Pepper, covert cop...

0:16:14 > 0:16:17Screenshot, you're going down.

0:16:17 > 0:16:21..to infiltrate the web and penetrate the cyber wall.

0:16:21 > 0:16:24OK, so we just got word through that there's been a robbery

0:16:24 > 0:16:27at a jewellery shop, and a diamond necklace has gone missing.

0:16:27 > 0:16:30So down on the ground they'll be trying to, you know,

0:16:30 > 0:16:33run around, putting up wanted posters, whatever they do.

0:16:33 > 0:16:34Easiest way, just...

0:16:36 > 0:16:37Just start searching online, you know.

0:16:37 > 0:16:41Keywords - diamonds, necklace.

0:16:41 > 0:16:43Certain things just pop up now and again.

0:16:43 > 0:16:45You know, like...

0:16:45 > 0:16:47"Spoiled again, he knows me so well," that kind of thing.

0:16:47 > 0:16:51Just start peppering that search bar with words like that.

0:16:51 > 0:16:52Let's go...

0:16:52 > 0:16:54lucky girl...

0:16:54 > 0:16:56diamonds...

0:16:56 > 0:16:58OK, so, what have we got here?

0:16:59 > 0:17:02"Diamonds fae bae." Cheryl Duncan, there you go.

0:17:02 > 0:17:04Picture of the necklace. Let's find out who bae is.

0:17:04 > 0:17:07Give me five minutes, I reckon I'll crack this, honestly,

0:17:07 > 0:17:09it's an absolute piece of piss, you'd be amazed.

0:17:09 > 0:17:11Eh up, here we go, man in a suit,

0:17:11 > 0:17:13he's got his arm round her in a way that suggests

0:17:13 > 0:17:16they're not blood relations or casual acquaintances.

0:17:17 > 0:17:21I think it's your bog-standard bae, that's such a bae photo.

0:17:21 > 0:17:22Let's get them.

0:17:22 > 0:17:24OK, John, what's his name? John?

0:17:24 > 0:17:26He is bae, we've got bae.

0:17:26 > 0:17:28There we go, John Osborne.

0:17:28 > 0:17:29Let's add him.

0:17:29 > 0:17:31Here we go, John, straight away again.

0:17:31 > 0:17:33100% record, there we go.

0:17:33 > 0:17:36There he is, just checked in at Kreme Krunch.

0:17:36 > 0:17:37Two minutes ago.

0:17:37 > 0:17:40So I'll just get on the phone, get the boys to go and sort him out.

0:17:40 > 0:17:42Check yourself into the jail, John,

0:17:42 > 0:17:44you're going down for a very long time.

0:17:44 > 0:17:47Yeah, that's just one way of doing it.

0:17:47 > 0:17:49Most of my time is spent just sitting here

0:17:49 > 0:17:51waiting for people to hand themselves in.

0:17:51 > 0:17:54You know, don't call me a hero, these people are clowns.

0:17:56 > 0:18:00Scotland's ring roads can be a circus of shoddy driving.

0:18:00 > 0:18:03Road ringmasters Hugh McKirdy and Surjit Singh

0:18:03 > 0:18:07have the street skills to fix the fuss.

0:18:07 > 0:18:09- That's no' your motor. - I'm 18, I've had it for a year.

0:18:09 > 0:18:11- You're 18?- Aye!- You're about ten year old, wee man.

0:18:11 > 0:18:15Inspecting the unacceptable, spotting the signs.

0:18:15 > 0:18:19Honestly, you see some sights when you're patrolling about the streets.

0:18:19 > 0:18:21Look at that van. Does that say...?

0:18:21 > 0:18:23- That say "prick" at the back of that van?- Yep.

0:18:23 > 0:18:27'This van wasn't any normal type of van.'

0:18:27 > 0:18:29It had been absolutely abused.

0:18:29 > 0:18:32- Look, he's got more written on the side.- "Arsehole shagger".

0:18:32 > 0:18:35- Aye, pull over. - Cannae have that round about here.

0:18:35 > 0:18:36SIREN

0:18:37 > 0:18:40Excuse me, sir. You'll need to come to the side of the road.

0:18:40 > 0:18:41- Come out of your van.- OK.

0:18:41 > 0:18:44It's just about that offensive wordage on the side of you.

0:18:44 > 0:18:45Oh, right. Oh, aye, that.

0:18:45 > 0:18:47- "Arsehole shagger".- Aye.

0:18:47 > 0:18:50All right, want to come and explain this?

0:18:50 > 0:18:52It's fine, it's easy to explain, really.

0:18:52 > 0:18:55It's the wife that's done this.

0:18:55 > 0:18:57Right, the wife.

0:18:57 > 0:19:00- Your wife? - My wife? Yeah, THE wife. My wife.

0:19:00 > 0:19:03It's got her written all over it, to be honest.

0:19:03 > 0:19:06Shagger, prick, slimeball.

0:19:06 > 0:19:08- Prick.- She calling you a shagger?

0:19:08 > 0:19:10- She calling herself a...? - Aye, me, me. That's me.

0:19:10 > 0:19:12- You're the shagger? - I'm the shagger.

0:19:12 > 0:19:14Why's she calling you that?

0:19:14 > 0:19:15Well...

0:19:15 > 0:19:18I've been playing away from home a wee bit, you know.

0:19:18 > 0:19:20Well, it was with her sister.

0:19:20 > 0:19:23- What?- Yeah, aye, I know.

0:19:23 > 0:19:26Hold on, you've been having an affair with your...

0:19:26 > 0:19:28- wife's sister? - Yeah, yeah. I'm the shagger.

0:19:28 > 0:19:30- Your sister-in-law?- Yes.

0:19:30 > 0:19:34I love women, I love the female form, you know.

0:19:34 > 0:19:37- Your trousers are all ripped up. - Aye, she did that as well.

0:19:37 > 0:19:39She didn't stop at the van.

0:19:39 > 0:19:41Have you no' got a spare pair of trousers

0:19:41 > 0:19:42you could have wore the day?

0:19:42 > 0:19:45- She's kind of done it to all of them.- All your clothes are...?- Aye.

0:19:45 > 0:19:48How'd you manage to get all these..? How'd you get these...?

0:19:48 > 0:19:51I've got good people skills, I'm quite a charmer.

0:19:51 > 0:19:53- As easy as that?- Aye.

0:19:53 > 0:19:54Very charismatic.

0:19:56 > 0:19:59We did advise him to take his van back to his house.

0:19:59 > 0:20:01There's no way we could let him drive about the streets

0:20:01 > 0:20:03with that bad language on the side of his van.

0:20:03 > 0:20:06That isnae as offensive as prick.

0:20:06 > 0:20:09Superheroes named after rats.

0:20:09 > 0:20:11- Aye.- You don't get superheroes named after pricks.

0:20:11 > 0:20:13Is it Roland Rat?

0:20:13 > 0:20:15Right, you've no' got Roland Prick.

0:20:15 > 0:20:17No, no, that would just be inappropriate.

0:20:17 > 0:20:19To be honest, we can't have this on the road.

0:20:19 > 0:20:21Have you got another mode of transport, by any chance?

0:20:21 > 0:20:24I've got a car back at the house.

0:20:24 > 0:20:27OK, let's get you back to your house.

0:20:27 > 0:20:29- See youse there? - Yeah, we'll be right behind you.

0:20:32 > 0:20:34The Scottish Police Force command centre

0:20:34 > 0:20:38provides the essential info Scotland needs.

0:20:38 > 0:20:42Old people smell, it's just not a police matter.

0:20:42 > 0:20:45Maggie LeBeau gives crucial advice to the public

0:20:45 > 0:20:48so that they can sleep safe in the knowledge

0:20:48 > 0:20:52that that knowledge is keeping them safe.

0:20:52 > 0:20:55I feel really sorry for people who get caught out by scams,

0:20:55 > 0:20:58I really do. But the simple rule is,

0:20:58 > 0:21:01don't give your credit details out over the phone.

0:21:01 > 0:21:05Often you'll get a "celebrity" phoning you, you know,

0:21:05 > 0:21:07it's Will.I.am phoning to say he wants you on The Voice,

0:21:07 > 0:21:10and he's spinning in his chair as he speaks to you.

0:21:10 > 0:21:14Don't believe him. We find that celebrities rarely call the public.

0:21:14 > 0:21:17They're just not interested in the public,

0:21:17 > 0:21:19so just remember that.

0:21:19 > 0:21:22You're not interesting, you're a no-one,

0:21:22 > 0:21:25you're not lucky, you're not a winner.

0:21:25 > 0:21:28Remember that, and you'll do fine.

0:21:28 > 0:21:32Today, a very important entry in the diary, seeing the PM.

0:21:32 > 0:21:34Not the Prime Minister.

0:21:34 > 0:21:36The pipe major.

0:21:36 > 0:21:39Because, amongst my myriad of duties, I have to personally choose

0:21:39 > 0:21:42and approve of all of the tunes the police pipe band play

0:21:42 > 0:21:44when they enter a competition.

0:21:44 > 0:21:46And the boys have a big competition coming this weekend,

0:21:46 > 0:21:49so I'm going to listen. I'm going to do it right here,

0:21:49 > 0:21:50make the choices right in this room,

0:21:50 > 0:21:53so that I don't lose any valuable desk time.

0:21:53 > 0:21:56A JAUNTY REEL

0:22:01 > 0:22:03Some of them choose themselves, of course.

0:22:03 > 0:22:05I'm particularly partial to Highland Laddie.

0:22:05 > 0:22:11Mhairi's Wedding, it's a bit on the nose, but you can't do without it.

0:22:11 > 0:22:13The Hills Of Kintail, of course, spectacular.

0:22:13 > 0:22:17But I'm thinking of throwing a curveball this year,

0:22:17 > 0:22:19mixing things up and maybe seeing

0:22:19 > 0:22:21if the lad can do something contemporary.

0:22:21 > 0:22:24PIPER PLAYS SINGLE LADIES BY BEYONCE

0:22:33 > 0:22:35Cracking. Keeper, keeper.

0:22:49 > 0:22:52From Single Ladies to the ladies' man,

0:22:52 > 0:22:55the cops move to replace the defaced vehicle,

0:22:55 > 0:22:59so this cheat in the sheets can get back on the streets.

0:22:59 > 0:23:01Yeah, it's not good, is it?

0:23:01 > 0:23:03No, it's not.

0:23:03 > 0:23:06What I can do, I'll swap that for the car, I've got a car.

0:23:09 > 0:23:12- Oh, for- BLEEP's- sake.

0:23:12 > 0:23:13- No.- BLEEP.

0:23:14 > 0:23:17The tits, as well, that's new.

0:23:17 > 0:23:18I thought they were eyes.

0:23:18 > 0:23:21No, they're tits, I know her.

0:23:21 > 0:23:24I thought, because she'd seen you cheating.

0:23:24 > 0:23:26It's open to interpretation, it's like a bit of art, you know.

0:23:26 > 0:23:30I'm watching you. Or the woman that you're cheating with, it's her tits.

0:23:30 > 0:23:33- I'm watching her.- We'll come back to the car and we'll get the details.

0:23:33 > 0:23:36OK, all right. You might want to,

0:23:36 > 0:23:38I was going to say you might want to close that over,

0:23:38 > 0:23:41but not with what's on the door.

0:23:41 > 0:23:43Having affairs, that's not against the law,

0:23:43 > 0:23:46but abusing somebody's property, vandalism, that is.

0:23:46 > 0:23:48So we had to deal with that thoroughly.

0:23:48 > 0:23:50Hopefully they can patch things up

0:23:50 > 0:23:53because no-one wants to see a break-up.

0:23:53 > 0:23:55The wee man did not look like a shagger, I'll tell you that.

0:23:57 > 0:24:00Not all partnerships are made in heaven,

0:24:00 > 0:24:05but rural cops Charley McIntosh and Jane Mackay form a dream duo.

0:24:05 > 0:24:06Get down, get down!

0:24:06 > 0:24:10Whether it's tearing after hoods on the hillside...

0:24:10 > 0:24:12Come back! Stop!

0:24:12 > 0:24:17..or breaking for a breather by the roadside.

0:24:17 > 0:24:20I don't know if you are aware of this,

0:24:20 > 0:24:23but it's actually our three-year anniversary.

0:24:23 > 0:24:25Ah, yes.

0:24:25 > 0:24:28- As partners.- Yeah, I remembered.

0:24:28 > 0:24:31- I've actually bought you something. - No way, I've got you something too!

0:24:31 > 0:24:33- Just a wee thing.- I didn't know when to give it to you,

0:24:33 > 0:24:34I thought I'd wait to the end of the shift.

0:24:34 > 0:24:38Well, yeah, I've got a great thing here, just a little thing, but...

0:24:38 > 0:24:40Me too, me too. Right, I'll give you mine first, all right?

0:24:40 > 0:24:43- OK.- OK, close your eyes.

0:24:43 > 0:24:46OK, I think you're going to love it.

0:24:46 > 0:24:47Ta-da!

0:24:50 > 0:24:52Oh...!

0:24:52 > 0:24:55- A Trio...- Yeah!- ..biscuit.

0:24:55 > 0:24:57It's like, one, two, three - three years.

0:24:57 > 0:24:59# Trio, Trio. #

0:24:59 > 0:25:02Thank you!

0:25:02 > 0:25:05I had to go, like, two villages away to be able to get them

0:25:05 > 0:25:07because they don't sell them everywhere.

0:25:07 > 0:25:09I didn't think they even made them any more.

0:25:09 > 0:25:13Just makes it all the more special, thank you. I will treasure it.

0:25:13 > 0:25:16I was going to give you the whole packet but I ate the rest.

0:25:16 > 0:25:18Sorry! I couldn't help myself.

0:25:18 > 0:25:20- Do you like it?- I love it.

0:25:20 > 0:25:23- You can save it till later. - Thank you.

0:25:23 > 0:25:25- OK, what did you get me? - It's not really...

0:25:25 > 0:25:28I don't even know if it's worth it, really. You've trumped me, there.

0:25:28 > 0:25:31Please, please! That's not fair, I gave you a present.

0:25:31 > 0:25:33I know, I'm kind of embarrassed there.

0:25:33 > 0:25:36- OK, you don't need to give it to me. - OK, it's just...

0:25:36 > 0:25:39- Remember, it's just a wee thing, it's not...- OK.

0:25:39 > 0:25:42I'm just glad we were on the same wavelength.

0:25:43 > 0:25:45- Is this, like...?- Here you go.

0:25:48 > 0:25:49This is a handbag.

0:25:49 > 0:25:51Yeah, it's just a handbag.

0:25:51 > 0:25:54No, it's actually a Mulberry handbag.

0:25:54 > 0:25:56Is that a good one?

0:25:56 > 0:25:58- That's beautiful!- Well...

0:25:58 > 0:26:00Charlie, those are worth a fortune.

0:26:00 > 0:26:04Where did...? You didn't, you didn't buy this, did you?

0:26:04 > 0:26:06I mean...you bought it, but...

0:26:06 > 0:26:08You got it in a sale or something, right?

0:26:08 > 0:26:10Well, I wouldn't spend that money, obviously.

0:26:10 > 0:26:12I have always wanted a designer bag.

0:26:12 > 0:26:15That is so nice, thank you so much.

0:26:15 > 0:26:17Aw, that's...

0:26:17 > 0:26:18- But seriously...- What?

0:26:19 > 0:26:21It is too much, though.

0:26:21 > 0:26:26Yeah, no, don't worry, I didn't, I didn't buy it.

0:26:26 > 0:26:30- I got it from the evidence lock-up room.- What?

0:26:30 > 0:26:33I don't think you're allowed to just take things from the evidence.

0:26:33 > 0:26:36Oh, no, I know the guy on the desk there

0:26:36 > 0:26:38and they said no-one's claimed it

0:26:38 > 0:26:39and it's not going to be used on trial.

0:26:39 > 0:26:42Oh, so it's like, after a certain amount of time,

0:26:42 > 0:26:43you can get things back.

0:26:43 > 0:26:45Yeah, so, instead of going to auction he said, "Hey, Charlie..."

0:26:47 > 0:26:51Yeah. So, there you go, it's yours, regardless.

0:26:51 > 0:26:54Aw, Charlie, thank you so, so, much!

0:26:54 > 0:26:57- Yeah!- I'm going to pop it back there so it keeps nice and safe.

0:26:57 > 0:26:59- Mwah!- Thank you.

0:26:59 > 0:27:02Aw! I'm so sorry I only got you a biscuit.

0:27:02 > 0:27:04What? But a bag and a biscuit, I mean...

0:27:04 > 0:27:07Yeah, but I should have at least given you all the biscuits!

0:27:07 > 0:27:09I'm just glad you like the bag.

0:27:09 > 0:27:11Thank you, thank you, I love the bag.

0:27:17 > 0:27:19Ha-ha!

0:27:19 > 0:27:20Wahey!

0:27:22 > 0:27:25Well, yes, a little bit of controversy that I've used

0:27:25 > 0:27:28police funds to purchase this vintage Pac-Man machine.

0:27:28 > 0:27:31I think it's the very model I played at police college.

0:27:31 > 0:27:33Wonder if it still has my top score?

0:27:33 > 0:27:36No, but seriously,

0:27:36 > 0:27:40playing Pac-Man is absolutely vital training

0:27:40 > 0:27:43in police pursuit procedures.

0:27:43 > 0:27:47Some of the first criminals that your young bobby on the beat meets

0:27:47 > 0:27:50and confronts is the shoplifter in the supermarket.

0:27:50 > 0:27:52Your shoplifter's running up the cheese aisle,

0:27:52 > 0:27:54you're pursuing him and he takes a left, double backs down,

0:27:54 > 0:27:56mixed spices and home baking.

0:27:56 > 0:27:59Do you follow him or do you double back yourself,

0:27:59 > 0:28:01cutting down through fruit and vegetable,

0:28:01 > 0:28:04thinking, "I'll cut him off at toiletries"?

0:28:04 > 0:28:05So, that's the kind of decision,

0:28:05 > 0:28:07the life-and-death decision,

0:28:07 > 0:28:12that a young bobby has to take on front-line policing every day.

0:28:12 > 0:28:16And playing Pac-Man is vital in training.

0:28:16 > 0:28:19The training never stops, nor do the Scot Squad.