0:00:10 > 0:00:12APPLAUSE
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Hello, I'm Fred MacAulay, and welcome to
0:00:23 > 0:00:26the start of our Hogmanay celebrations on BBC Scotland.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28We're kicking off with Scots On The Box,
0:00:28 > 0:00:31a quiz that celebrates 60 years of television in Scotland.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32Let's meet my guests.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35She's a master of mimicry, only Lulu has got more accents,
0:00:35 > 0:00:37it's comedian and actress Ronni Ancona.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42And on her team is a Scottish actor who has appeared in Taggart
0:00:42 > 0:00:43and Braveheart,
0:00:43 > 0:00:46although I've yet to meet a Scottish actor who hasn't, he's Alex Norton.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51And with them a performer who won the Scottish comedian of the
0:00:51 > 0:00:54year, which came as a surprise as he was only trying to get a goldfish.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56It's Mark Nelson.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Our other team captain, you will recognise from Still Game,
0:01:03 > 0:01:07but he also presented two weeks of STV's The Hour, which,
0:01:07 > 0:01:10if you do the maths, and add it all up, comes to a life-time.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12It's comic actor, Sanjeev Kohli.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16With him an ex-lawyer, who was never called to the bar,
0:01:16 > 0:01:19which is lucky, as she'd definitely have been asked for ID.
0:01:19 > 0:01:20It's comedian, Susan Calman.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26With them, head and shoulders above all other TV historians,
0:01:26 > 0:01:28because he's worth it,
0:01:28 > 0:01:31and because I'm jealous of his beautiful hair, it's Neil Oliver.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Tonight, I will be testing my panellists'
0:01:38 > 0:01:40knowledge of classic Scottish telly from the comedy,
0:01:40 > 0:01:43entertainment, drama and news archives.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Let's get on with the show.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51This round is called Hit The Telly.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54If Poundland sold televisions, this is what you'd get.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56And change.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59It may only have two channels, but through the magic of TV,
0:01:59 > 0:02:02it's currently holding the entire Scottish telly archives,
0:02:02 > 0:02:04so, when my panellists tell me, I will hit it.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06It'll play a clip and I'll ask them a question,
0:02:06 > 0:02:08it's as simple as that.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11This is for Team Sanjeev. Tell me when to hit it.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Hit it.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17What were you two old fishwives gossiping about?
0:02:17 > 0:02:19- Hey, less of the old. - And less of the fish!
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Well, natter not, for I have something special to tell you.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23- You are a man.- No.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28- You're a woman?- No. Oh!
0:02:28 > 0:02:32Less of the gender jibes, you carroty little dwarf.
0:02:32 > 0:02:33Shona, please, it's Titian.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35No, it's African Sunset.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Sanjeev's team, that was The High Life, from 1995, shown
0:02:43 > 0:02:47on the BBC, featuring Alan Cumming, Forbes Masson and Siobhan Redmond.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50But what was the fictional Scottish airline they flew for?
0:02:50 > 0:02:53They should have called it High Road, but they didn't, did they?
0:02:53 > 0:02:55What did they call it?
0:02:55 > 0:02:56McLeod Nine.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00- Up High The Noo.- Stramash.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03There's nae food.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06What about instead of Chocks Away, Jocks Away?
0:03:06 > 0:03:09That's a good name for a Scottish airline.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Air Scotia, I'm sure it was called.
0:03:11 > 0:03:12Air Scotia, you reckon.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15The airline was called Air Scotia.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17The High Life, a great series,
0:03:17 > 0:03:20although I've never met flight attendants that rude in real life.
0:03:20 > 0:03:21They're usually ruder.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24They certainly will be now.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Ronni, tell me when to hit the telly.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29- Now.- Tease!
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Now, are you into obstacles?
0:03:33 > 0:03:36Because I wasn't until this show started, but now I would like
0:03:36 > 0:03:40you to meet the biggest obstacle in my life at the moment, here's Rhona.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43And here we are with the winner of the fancy dress competition,
0:03:43 > 0:03:44the last one of the series.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45What's your name, darling?
0:03:45 > 0:03:47- Russell.- And where do you come from, Russell?
0:03:47 > 0:03:49- Greave Road.- Greave Road?
0:03:49 > 0:03:51- And how old are you?- Five.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54- Who made your costume, Russell? - Grandpa.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56- Did he take a long time to it?- No.
0:03:58 > 0:03:59And you were telling me...
0:03:59 > 0:04:01- Do you like Oxo cubes?- No.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Oh dear, he doesn't even like Oxo cubes.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11That was the Untied Shoelaces Show from BBC Scotland in 1983.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14Unfortunately, we cut before Rhona McLeod could
0:04:14 > 0:04:18explain that there are other massive talking stock cubes available.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Can I just say how much of a shame it is for that kid to go back to
0:04:21 > 0:04:22school on Monday?
0:04:22 > 0:04:24The bullying he will have got.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26"I saw you on telly at the weekend," and then just throw water on him,
0:04:26 > 0:04:29"There you are, there you are, stock cube!"
0:04:29 > 0:04:32That costume, to be fair, looked like it had been fairly well made.
0:04:32 > 0:04:33It was fantastic!
0:04:33 > 0:04:35That was a good costume.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38That wasn't like, erm...
0:04:38 > 0:04:41My mum once made me carry a plant pot with a sign on it saying,
0:04:41 > 0:04:44"Calman's Gardening Centre,"
0:04:44 > 0:04:46and that was my Halloween costume.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48That costume took some work!
0:04:48 > 0:04:51You probably saw "Tiger" Tim Stevens at the beginning of the clip,
0:04:51 > 0:04:55but do you know how he got his Tiger nickname, Ronni?
0:04:55 > 0:04:58He only ate raw meat...
0:04:59 > 0:05:01..from the end of a stick.
0:05:02 > 0:05:07And also, if you turned your back on him, he'd kill you.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11Is it because he cheated on his wife and sometimes played golf?
0:05:11 > 0:05:12Oh, nice one!
0:05:14 > 0:05:16I think I might know the origin of the name.
0:05:16 > 0:05:17Well, let me give you the clues.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21It was either a) he was named after the cartoon character
0:05:21 > 0:05:25Tiger Tim by a man named Big John, who Tim had worked with at British
0:05:25 > 0:05:29Rail, or b) was after Tim bravely saved a man from a tiger attack
0:05:29 > 0:05:33in India, or c) because he turned up for a job interview
0:05:33 > 0:05:37at Radio Clyde wearing a skin-tight tiger outfit.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39I think it's the Radio Clyde thing.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41I think it's the Radio Clyde thing.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43We think it's the Radio Clyde thing.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Believe it or not, it is actually all three,
0:05:46 > 0:05:48and that was confirmed by Tiger Tim himself.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50You might have noticed the man sitting next to
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Tiger Tim, wearing a Wee Willie Winkie outfit,
0:05:52 > 0:05:55I don't know how he got his nickname, here he is.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56Anybody know who that is?
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Danny McGrain.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00It was indeed, Danny McGrain.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03Legendary footballer, 62 caps for Scotland, although here
0:06:03 > 0:06:07he looks like he's contemplating a transfer to Aberdeen.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10When the Untied Shoelaces Show was eventually taken off the air,
0:06:10 > 0:06:13it was replaced by a more modern sounding show called Velcro -
0:06:13 > 0:06:15The Sticky Years.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Sanjeev, tell me when to hit the telly.
0:06:18 > 0:06:19Oh, hit it now, Fred.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23# When you go for your breakfast be sure you always take
0:06:23 > 0:06:27# A good plate of Unitas breakfast oats
0:06:27 > 0:06:30# The value of them lies in the fact they're appetising
0:06:30 > 0:06:34# And eating them good health in you promotes
0:06:34 > 0:06:37# When once you taste their flavour, for ever more you'll favour
0:06:37 > 0:06:40# Unitas, Unitas breakfast oats. #
0:06:41 > 0:06:43APPLAUSE
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Takes me right back to this morning.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49These days, most Scottish families would only be that
0:06:49 > 0:06:52happy in the morning if they found out that they had run out of
0:06:52 > 0:06:56Unitas porridge oats, and that they could have a bacon roll instead.
0:06:56 > 0:07:01I don't have children, just because the cats would get
0:07:01 > 0:07:05annoyed at them, but when I was growing up, my dad never took us
0:07:05 > 0:07:10by the arm and had a wee jolly dance before we all sat down.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11I find that quite sinister.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15Can we have a wee look at that again, because although it is
0:07:15 > 0:07:19black-and-white, you can still tell the wee boy's hair is ginger.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25That Unitas porridge advert was first broadcast in 1957.
0:07:25 > 0:07:26Team Sanjeev, can you tell me
0:07:26 > 0:07:30what important event happened, TV-wise, in Scotland that year?
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Well, it's too early to go colour, isn't it?
0:07:32 > 0:07:36Was it, erm, the first edition of Super Scots?
0:07:36 > 0:07:38No.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40I think I know the answer, can I come in on this?
0:07:40 > 0:07:41I think it was when STV opened.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43- You do, Alex?- I do.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45I think you're absolutely right.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Five years after BBC Scotland started,
0:07:48 > 0:07:53the commercial channel, Scottish TV, began broadcasting at 5.30 pm,
0:07:53 > 0:07:56on Saturday, 31 August, 1957.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58It was with the Variety Special, This Is Scotland,
0:07:58 > 0:08:00live from Glasgow's Theatre Royal Studios.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Let's take a look.
0:08:07 > 0:08:12- NARRATOR:- This is Scotland. And your host, James Robertson Justice.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Good evening, this is Scotland.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27A land of sunshine and cloud.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31A land, proud and ancient, as history itself.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Yet young, strong
0:08:33 > 0:08:37and vital as the flowers that bejewel our Northern summer.
0:08:37 > 0:08:38- NEIL OLIVER:- So natural!
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Even though that was in black-and-white, I think it's
0:08:41 > 0:08:46pretty clear that James Robertson Justice's beard was ginger!
0:08:46 > 0:08:49In those early days, it was said STV only owned two pieces of equipment.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52One to show Westerns, and another to show the commercials.
0:08:52 > 0:08:53In the digital age,
0:08:53 > 0:08:57they now have a third that plays episodes of Columbo.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00- Ronnie's team, tell me when to hit the telly.- OK.
0:09:00 > 0:09:01Go on. Now.
0:09:08 > 0:09:13All right, lads, we're actually looking quite low on fuel,
0:09:13 > 0:09:15so I suggest we stop...
0:09:15 > 0:09:16you know,
0:09:16 > 0:09:20for C-H-I-P-S...
0:09:20 > 0:09:21I'm talking C-H-I-P-S.
0:09:23 > 0:09:28- They are C - they're crispy,- H - - they're hole-some,
0:09:28 > 0:09:30- I -- I-mazing,
0:09:30 > 0:09:31- P -- Perfection,
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- S -- S...ships!
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Come on, Joe, go sing it...
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- Nut.- I said, "Sing it!"
0:09:40 > 0:09:41- Nut!- Come on, sing it!
0:09:42 > 0:09:43He's no singing it!
0:09:43 > 0:09:45ALL: Ooooo!
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Oh, brilliant, brilliant.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53That was the brilliant Gary Tank Commander,
0:09:53 > 0:09:57performed and written by Greg McHugh, shown on the BBC in 2011.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01Can you tell me, what nickname did Gary give to his tank?
0:10:01 > 0:10:03- Widdecombe.- Widdecombe?
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Tank Sinatra?
0:10:10 > 0:10:13I can't believe I actually said that.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Actually, Ronni, you're not so far off the mark,
0:10:15 > 0:10:18because it was kind of musical. Different era.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20I think I know the answer.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Sanjeev thinks he knows the answer.
0:10:21 > 0:10:22Was it Meatloaf?
0:10:22 > 0:10:24You think it was Meatloaf?
0:10:24 > 0:10:25I think it was Meatloaf.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Oh, he's right, I can't bear it.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29It was indeed Meatloaf!
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Now, in the show,
0:10:31 > 0:10:34some of the Afghanistan scenes were actually filmed in Clydebank, which
0:10:34 > 0:10:37led to many letters of complaint...
0:10:37 > 0:10:39from the people of Afghanistan.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Sanjeev, tell me when to hit the telly, please.
0:10:44 > 0:10:45Hit the telly.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13This is 213.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14I think I'd like a change of room.
0:11:17 > 0:11:18That was, of course,
0:11:18 > 0:11:21the glowering Iain Cuthbertson in Charles Endell Esquire.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25Even though it's in colour, I think you can tell his hair is ginger.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29It was made on STV in 1979, and he was famous for a catchphrase
0:11:29 > 0:11:31during the show, let's hear it.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34'Oh, I'm definitely back,
0:11:34 > 0:11:36'def-i-nitely.'
0:11:36 > 0:11:41What I want to know, then, is where is he definitely back from?
0:11:41 > 0:11:44First, can I say, is there any chance we can run that clip again,
0:11:44 > 0:11:46because as hard as Iain Cuthbertson plays that part,
0:11:46 > 0:11:50watch how camp his reaction is to his bathroom exploding.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52I think we can, let's have another look.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55Enjoy this again, this is fantastic.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Here we go.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Oooh! Oooh!
0:11:59 > 0:12:02He looked like a little horse, he almost pranced.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04It's a very actory thing, isn't it,
0:12:04 > 0:12:06"Ooh, oh, not the face, not the face!"
0:12:06 > 0:12:09I'd love to see the Trip Advisor review for that room.
0:12:09 > 0:12:10"The view is beautiful,
0:12:10 > 0:12:15"but the bathroom keeps exploding for some reason. Four stars."
0:12:15 > 0:12:17But if you were a gangster, and you were away,
0:12:17 > 0:12:19where would you come back from?
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Isn't he back from London,
0:12:21 > 0:12:26hasn't he come back from being a successful gangster down south?
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Well, I'm going to give you a point for that, Neil Oliver.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32I would also have accepted "jail".
0:12:35 > 0:12:37But it was Soho.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39He is actually just back from prison.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41There's a great tradition of Scottish actors playing
0:12:41 > 0:12:46English hard men, can the panellists think of any that we can recall?
0:12:46 > 0:12:50Gerard Kelly in EastEnders was tremendous, he was glowering,
0:12:50 > 0:12:53he was brilliant in EastEnders, Gerard Kelly, he was great.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55I think the fact that Gerard Kelly,
0:12:55 > 0:12:57one of the campest men in Scotland went down
0:12:57 > 0:13:03and played a hard man, just shows how hard Scottish people actually are.
0:13:03 > 0:13:04On to Ronni's team, say when!
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Go on, give it a tap. Now.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11This ees your room.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Hallooooooo!
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Wah-eey!
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Grazies.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Oh, Rab!
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Is this not the last word in classy sophistication?!
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Yeah, you're not kidding, you're right there, Mary!
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Here, get aff that bed till I get a look at the mattress.
0:13:32 > 0:13:37Oh, never heed the mattress, we're in Spain, for God's sake!
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Shpain!
0:13:39 > 0:13:41I mean, who would have thought we'd live to see the day when
0:13:41 > 0:13:46trash like us was buying stuff like flip-flops and insect repellent, eh?
0:13:51 > 0:13:53From the first series broadcast by BBC Scotland in 1990,
0:13:53 > 0:13:57the great Rab C Nesbitt and Mary Doll in Benidorm,
0:13:57 > 0:14:00enjoying a well-deserved break from life-long unemployment.
0:14:00 > 0:14:04How did Rab and Mary Doll end up in Spain, Ronni's team?
0:14:04 > 0:14:06How did they end up in Spain?
0:14:06 > 0:14:10I don't know, but I hope to God it wasn't a house swap.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14Did they collect 94,000 gingie bottles?
0:14:14 > 0:14:19Did they rent the weans out for medical experiments?
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Did they win it on Wheel of Fortune?
0:14:21 > 0:14:25It was prize-related. Does that help any of you?
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Describe Spain in less than 10 words. 10 words or less?
0:14:30 > 0:14:32That kind of thing? No.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36- 12?- No, what actually happened was that Mary Doll won a competition
0:14:36 > 0:14:38on the back of a bag of oven chips.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Surely they should have gone to Greece, then!
0:14:41 > 0:14:42GROANS
0:14:45 > 0:14:46Very good.
0:14:46 > 0:14:50Any experiences yourself, Mark, of being a Scot abroad?
0:14:50 > 0:14:54I did a stand-up gig in New York last month, and the accent,
0:14:54 > 0:14:59you really have to slow it down, as you'll know, beyond belief, to where
0:14:59 > 0:15:03you are saying a word about every 10 hours for them to understand you.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05My sister had a lovely experience of
0:15:05 > 0:15:07one of the benefits of being Scottish.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10She was on a bus from Chile to Argentina at three in the morning,
0:15:10 > 0:15:13let's not wonder why, it was about penguins.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16She got to the Argentinean border, and it was full of these
0:15:16 > 0:15:17armed guards, lots of them.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21My sister, who's even shorter than me, was slightly trepidatious, and they said,
0:15:21 > 0:15:24"Give us your passport," and they looked at the passport,
0:15:24 > 0:15:28and they all looked at her and shouted, "Freedom!" and let her in.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31At that point she was like that, "Hmm, hmm, thank you very much,
0:15:31 > 0:15:35"yes, William Wallace, Mel Gibson, ya, totally."
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Looking at the scores, I can see that the game is
0:15:37 > 0:15:39rather like Janette Krankie up the beanstalk
0:15:39 > 0:15:42- delicately poised, it's neck and neck.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52It's time for Name That Theme Tune.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54In this round, we went out onto the streets of Scotland and asked
0:15:54 > 0:15:58the public to sing the theme tunes from our favourite Scottish shows.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00All you have to do is identify them.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03Ronni, let's hear our first singers.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05# Da-da-da-da-da
0:16:05 > 0:16:09# Dee-dee-deedle-dee... # No, erm, oh!
0:16:09 > 0:16:11# Dee-dee-deedle-dee-dee-dee-dee-
0:16:11 > 0:16:13# Deedle-dee-dee...
0:16:14 > 0:16:18# Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dee.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21# Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dee.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25#Da-ra-da-ra-da- ra-da-ra-da-ra-da-ra
0:16:25 > 0:16:29# La-la-la-da-da! #
0:16:31 > 0:16:33APPLAUSE
0:16:35 > 0:16:36That was brilliant.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41I have to say, the two girls in the fur were tremendous, well done.
0:16:41 > 0:16:46That's the latest incarnation of the Sugababes, apparently.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48- I know, we know what it is. - We know what it is.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50- Tell us what you think it is. - Do you want to do the honours?
0:16:50 > 0:16:53- No, I'll leave it to you, on you go.- It's Balamory.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Balamory, you reckon? Let's find out.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01It was indeed Balamory from the BBC, a show set on a fictional
0:17:01 > 0:17:05Scottish island, inhabited by a bizarre cast of characters, who sing
0:17:05 > 0:17:08and dance their way through life, like the Wicker Man for toddlers.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Sanjeev's team, here's a different theme tune,
0:17:14 > 0:17:17no doubt beautifully sung.
0:17:17 > 0:17:23# Dum-dum, dum-dum-diddle-dum-dum-dum, dum-dum-diddle-dum-dum dum.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26# Doo-doo, doo-doo,
0:17:26 > 0:17:31# Diddle-um-dum-dum-dum-da-da-doo, doo-do-do-do-do...
0:17:31 > 0:17:35# Da-da-da-da-da- da-di-di-da-di-dah. #
0:17:36 > 0:17:38I would say that's simple.
0:17:38 > 0:17:39It's clearly Newsnight Scotland.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42Yes, simplest thing I've ever...
0:17:42 > 0:17:44I don't think any of them were singing the same thing.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47More keys than a janny's bunch, I've no idea what was going on.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Was it recorded outside a home for the bewildered?
0:17:50 > 0:17:53It did sound a wee bit like Jimmy Shand being water-boarded,
0:17:53 > 0:17:56but here's more clues.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00# Diddle-uh, diddle-uh,duh-di-duh-di-duh-da-da-da,
0:18:00 > 0:18:06# Duh-diddle-uh-diddle-uh, da-ri-duh-ri, da-diddle-uh-duh-duh.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09# Da-di-da-di-da diddle-um-diddle-um-da-di-di
0:18:09 > 0:18:12# Di-dah-diddle-um-diddle-um-da-da-
0:18:12 > 0:18:14# Dum-diddle-um-da-da!
0:18:14 > 0:18:16# Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
0:18:16 > 0:18:18# Dum-diddle-um-diddle-da-da-da
0:18:18 > 0:18:20# Dum-diddle-um-diddle-da-da-da
0:18:20 > 0:18:21# Dum-diddle-um-da-da. #
0:18:28 > 0:18:29Over...
0:18:29 > 0:18:31thankfully.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Not laughing at, laughing with.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37He was doing that lovely thing that people sometimes do when someone is
0:18:37 > 0:18:42singing, so, if Sanjeev was singing, I'm just enjoying myself, like this.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Well, Susan, you think you've got it right, don't you?,
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Yes, we think, it's Casualty!
0:18:50 > 0:18:52- It's Dr Finlay's...- Dr Finlay's Casebook, yes.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Definitely was.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Dr Finlay's Casebook. Let's hear how it should have sounded.
0:18:57 > 0:18:58THEME MUSIC
0:18:59 > 0:19:03First broadcast by the BBC in 1962, however,
0:19:03 > 0:19:05when it came to the General Medical Council's attention that
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Dr Finlay was sharing his casebook with the nation, the show was
0:19:08 > 0:19:12cancelled under the Data Protection Act, and he was struck off.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Undeterred, lead actor Bill Simpson went on to present
0:19:14 > 0:19:17the ill-fated DIY show, Dr Finlay's Bookcase.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21I thank you.
0:19:21 > 0:19:22And thanks to all our singers,
0:19:22 > 0:19:25and those who joined in with the dancing at home.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Which, if you have just joined us, I am testing my guests'
0:19:31 > 0:19:35knowledge of television broadcasts in Scotland over the past 60 years.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37It's time for What Happens Next.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40I'll play a lesser-known clip from the archive that's seen less
0:19:40 > 0:19:42daylight than an Aberdonian goth.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45I'll be making liberal use of the pause button, and asking
0:19:45 > 0:19:48our panellists to make an educated guess as to what happens next.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Sanjeev's team, here is a rather stunning
0:19:51 > 0:19:55clip from Miss Scotland, broadcast by BBC Scotland in 1979.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Before it starts, I should point out that the first three people
0:19:58 > 0:20:01we see at the start of the clip are not contestants.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06# I never knew you looked so good
0:20:06 > 0:20:10# I never knew anyone could
0:20:10 > 0:20:12# I must have been crazy
0:20:12 > 0:20:15# To ever have gone away. #
0:20:15 > 0:20:17All right, then, the first of our seven finalists,
0:20:17 > 0:20:19it's Miss Montrose, Dorothy Walker.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24And I think you're going to do a PhD, aren't you?
0:20:24 > 0:20:25How far into that are you?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Well, as soon as I get my grant,
0:20:27 > 0:20:28I'd like to start on my PhD,
0:20:28 > 0:20:30which is all about...
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Well, we just saw Dorothy Walker, or, as she is better known,
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Miss Montrose, which, incidentally,
0:20:35 > 0:20:38is the perfect tourist slogan for that place.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42What do you think her PhD was in?
0:20:42 > 0:20:44And, can I also just say,
0:20:44 > 0:20:47at the start I said that the first three people were not contestants,
0:20:47 > 0:20:50but the bloke on the left was actually runner-up that year.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55We should explain to our younger viewers what a grant is!
0:20:59 > 0:21:00In a mythical time...
0:21:00 > 0:21:04In a mythical time of dragons and unicorns it was a cheque that
0:21:04 > 0:21:08you could just take straight to the off-licence, wasn't it?
0:21:08 > 0:21:11No, Grant actually was the third dancer,
0:21:11 > 0:21:14because the first two were clearly Paul Coia and Dougie Donnelly.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17I'd love if it was.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19If it is 1979, does she go on to become the leader
0:21:19 > 0:21:22of the Conservative party and then the first lady Prime Minister?
0:21:22 > 0:21:24She didn't, but her hair did.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29I'd like to point out, at this juncture,
0:21:29 > 0:21:32that my lady wife was Miss Falkirk 1986.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34OOHS FROM AUDIENCE
0:21:34 > 0:21:38And finished sixth in the Miss Scotland final of the same year.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41Tell me this, did you have a choice between Miss Falkirk
0:21:41 > 0:21:43and Miss Grangemouth?
0:21:44 > 0:21:46That's not the way it works.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50- I don't know, what was her PhD in? - What was her PhD in?
0:21:50 > 0:21:53I think she was a molecular biologist,
0:21:53 > 0:21:55or just a really small biologist.
0:21:55 > 0:21:56She sounds like a historian to me.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58- Historian?- Historian, you reckon?
0:21:58 > 0:22:00- Let's go for history. - We'll go for history.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03You're not that far off the mark. Let's find out.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05I'd like to start on my PhD,
0:22:05 > 0:22:07which is all about the domestication of the cat,
0:22:07 > 0:22:10and I've actually got a cat cemetery in Egypt which I'm going to
0:22:10 > 0:22:12start digging, hopefully quite soon.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16- Archaeologist!- That's quite rude.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Those cats have been laid to rest, you don't go as Miss Montrose
0:22:19 > 0:22:21and dig up someone's grave.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24So do you go, "I'm Miss Montrose, get me a spade,"
0:22:24 > 0:22:25is that how it works?
0:22:25 > 0:22:27I'm going to dig up these cats and find out if
0:22:27 > 0:22:29they were domesticated. End of.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Neil, I have to ask, once you'd dug up a cat, domesticated or
0:22:32 > 0:22:36otherwise, how could you determine if it was domesticated?
0:22:36 > 0:22:39If it was like that when you dug it up, "Rrrrrr"...
0:22:39 > 0:22:42Well, the dangerous cats tend to be like yay big,
0:22:42 > 0:22:46and your domesticated cat tends to be this big.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Surely a domesticated cat would be buried holding a can opener
0:22:49 > 0:22:51or something.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53What did you say?
0:22:53 > 0:22:55A domesticated cat would be buried...
0:22:55 > 0:22:58With a can opener so it could open tins of Whiskas on the other side.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01Oh, I see, I thought you were being, I've got three of them,
0:23:01 > 0:23:02and...
0:23:02 > 0:23:05- You've got three can openers?- Yes.
0:23:05 > 0:23:06You're doing well.
0:23:06 > 0:23:07My cats have slippers,
0:23:07 > 0:23:10that's how you know they're domesticated, little pairs...
0:23:10 > 0:23:12That they knitted themselves.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14- Little slippers.- You've got your cats slippers?
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- Yes. What's wrong with making my cats slippers?- Four each?!
0:23:17 > 0:23:21Yes, come on, you can't have their back paws cold, Ronni.
0:23:21 > 0:23:22Don't they walk on their hind legs?
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Do they always walk around in their slippers?
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Not always, if they're going out, they wear proper shoes!
0:23:34 > 0:23:37I think we'll find that Miss Montrose is coming back
0:23:37 > 0:23:40out of retirement to look into the over-domestication of the cat.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47Can we have another wee look at the dancers? Let's have a look at them.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55# I must have been crazy
0:23:56 > 0:23:57# To ever have gone away. #
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Actually, you might recognise some of them,
0:24:02 > 0:24:06two of them went down to appear as hard men down south.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Team Ronni, this next clip is from a BBC series
0:24:08 > 0:24:11called About Britain, from 1954.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Richard Dimbleby is interviewing the doughty
0:24:13 > 0:24:17Dame Flora, the 28th chief of clan MacLeod on the Isle of Skye.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23It doesn't matter a bit where we live,
0:24:23 > 0:24:28wherever a McLeod is, he feels he is kin to all the other McLeods.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- It must be a nice, cosy family feeling...- Wonderful.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35You say, no matter where you live, I assume, by your love
0:24:35 > 0:24:38and understanding of all this, that you were born and brought up here?
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Well, actually, I wasn't....
0:24:42 > 0:24:44So, if it wasn't Skye, where do you think Dame Flora,
0:24:44 > 0:24:46the chief of the clan MacLeod, was born?
0:24:46 > 0:24:48IN A POSH VOICE: "Actually, it wasn't here,
0:24:48 > 0:24:52"it was in a small croft in Kensington."
0:24:54 > 0:24:55I'm just trying to picture her,
0:24:55 > 0:24:59leading the clan into the battle against the English.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01"Come along, hurry up,
0:25:01 > 0:25:05"some of the English are my best friends. Hello, Doreen, how are you?"
0:25:07 > 0:25:10Well, we can actually now find out where she was born.
0:25:10 > 0:25:14You weren't so far off saying a wee croft in Kensington.
0:25:14 > 0:25:15I was born in 10 Downing Street.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20- Downing Street?- You look rather surprised, Mr Dimbleby!
0:25:20 > 0:25:23I love how she delivers that line like she is a Bond villain.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27"You look rather surprised, Mr Dimbleby. But now you must die."
0:25:30 > 0:25:33If you're born in 10 Downing Street now the midwife would probably
0:25:33 > 0:25:37slap the baby and quickly move on to George Osborne and Nick Clegg.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Finally, for this round, a clip of First Class, made in 1984 by
0:25:42 > 0:25:46BBC Scotland, and presented by Louise Batchelor and her earrings.
0:25:53 > 0:25:54So, with Banchory in the lead,
0:25:54 > 0:25:57it's time for our first visit to the sports arena.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Banchory have chosen Martin to play for them,
0:26:00 > 0:26:02and Ewan is running for North Berwick.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07Isn't it lovely how all those graphics haven't dated at all?
0:26:07 > 0:26:08This is for everyone,
0:26:08 > 0:26:12what do you think they are just about to do in the sports arena?
0:26:12 > 0:26:15I think they're going to use the earrings as beacons to attract UFOs.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18It would appear that they are large enough, I think, to do that.
0:26:18 > 0:26:19Belters, weren't they?
0:26:19 > 0:26:20Not fight to the death, is it?
0:26:20 > 0:26:22They didn't fight to the death,
0:26:22 > 0:26:24although, that would have been entertaining on television.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27Was it that fantastically sophisticated computer
0:26:27 > 0:26:30game of that era where you went like that to run the 100 metres?
0:26:30 > 0:26:32- Daley Thompson's Decathlon or something?- Was it one of those ones?
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Do you know what I like about your answer, Sanjeev,
0:26:34 > 0:26:36is that you are smiling there,
0:26:36 > 0:26:40- and your smile is going to be even more complete when you find out.- Oh!
0:26:40 > 0:26:43So, Martin and Ewan, fingers on the controls.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47APPLAUSE
0:26:49 > 0:26:50Ooooh!
0:26:50 > 0:26:51..were off to a better start,
0:26:51 > 0:26:55but Banchory are streaking away there.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Banchory have made it easily, North Berwick High, bad luck.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02So, Banchory are the winners with two points. Well done, Martin.
0:27:04 > 0:27:05Well done, indeed.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08Well, you might wonder who thought that was a good idea for a TV show?!
0:27:08 > 0:27:10We did!
0:27:10 > 0:27:11Ronni and Sanjeev,
0:27:11 > 0:27:14under your desk you will find a game controller right there.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16What?! You are kidding!
0:27:16 > 0:27:18This is so brilliant.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20- Oh God.- Happy days.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22What is it? I'm quite nervous, actually.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25You're nervous? I'm terrified!
0:27:25 > 0:27:29Sanjeev, you are the runner on the top, Ronni, you are on the bottom.
0:27:29 > 0:27:34Good luck! If you're all set to go, three, two, one - go!
0:27:34 > 0:27:36SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
0:27:36 > 0:27:37Hold it still for me.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39That's it, you're past the 20 metre mark.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42Ronni is in the lead. Mark's giving her a hand there.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Come on, Sanjeev, you are trailing behind.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46He is just holding it, that's them at the 70 metre mark.
0:27:46 > 0:27:50Come on, Sanjeev, you can still do it!
0:27:51 > 0:27:53GOOOO!
0:27:53 > 0:27:54Ronni Ancona has won.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58Looking back,
0:27:58 > 0:28:01well done, Ronni.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04So, at the end of Part One, let's see what the scoreboard says -
0:28:04 > 0:28:06it says there's everything to play for.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16We'll be back at 10.30 for more fantastic Scots On The Box,
0:28:16 > 0:28:19but before we go, here's a sketch to keep you guessing.
0:28:19 > 0:28:23It's from Chewing The Fat, broadcast by the BBC in 2004.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25Watch closely, and count how many "Mans" are in the clip.
0:28:27 > 0:28:28Do you dae Walkmans, man?
0:28:28 > 0:28:30- Walkmans, man, a tenner, man. - Do you play this, man?
0:28:30 > 0:28:33That's a Discman, man. You need a Discman, man.
0:28:33 > 0:28:36- A Discman, man?- For playing your discs in, man! What is the disc, man?
0:28:36 > 0:28:38Anchorman, man. Anchorman's a movie, man, you need a DVD, man.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41Oh, man, nae Walkman, nae Discman, man.
0:28:41 > 0:28:43- How much for the DVDman, man?- A ton, man.
0:28:43 > 0:28:45A ton, man! You're a highwayman, man.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50I'll tell you the answer when we return. See you soon.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd