0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07So the three of them go in the bank. They just look like normal guys,
0:00:07 > 0:00:09you know, glasses, trench coats.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11Then the girl drops her bag and suddenly it is like...
0:00:11 > 0:00:14IMPERSONATES A MACHINE GUN
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Wait, wait, hold on - when did this happen?
0:00:16 > 0:00:20Uh...1999, I think? Then they did Reloaded.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21And then Revolutions.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24Have you just been describing The Matrix to me for 20 minutes?
0:00:24 > 0:00:26You said it was a real story!
0:00:26 > 0:00:30I said it could be, that's sort of the point of the film.
0:00:30 > 0:00:34Whatever. Ooh, I'd better get to work, it's 10.30, can't be too late.
0:00:34 > 0:00:38Come on, sis, stay. You said your boss doesn't care when you turn up.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41I said he doesn't remember when I turn up.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43One of the perks of having a department run by an alcoholic.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46That and the time he had the water dispenser filled with Ouzo.
0:00:46 > 0:00:47Oh, my God.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Seriously though, it's taken ages
0:00:49 > 0:00:52but I've finally figured out how to do zero work but still keep my job.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54The trick is to get in six minutes after Andy's
0:00:54 > 0:00:57had his mid-morning bourbon - that way his head's still a bit fuzzy.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00OK, fine but while you're at work,
0:01:00 > 0:01:05what am I supposed to do? I have been so bored this week.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Yesterday, I took apart all the plug sockets.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Day before that I had a yogurt in the bath. What now?
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Dan, it's not my fault you don't have anyone to hang out with.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Fine, but if I choke to death trying to see how many forks
0:01:16 > 0:01:18I can fit in my mouth, I'm going to blame you.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Sorry I'm late, boss. I brought you a coffee.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48It's got a shot of Bailey's in it, just the way you like it.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52Aw, thank you, Hannah. I'm actually on my way out...for good!
0:01:52 > 0:01:53You're leaving?
0:01:53 > 0:01:57The powers that be have spoken, Hannah, and they have said,
0:01:57 > 0:02:01"You've got a problem and you're running this place into the ground."
0:02:01 > 0:02:02Well, what happens now?
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Well, they said something about rehab but...
0:02:05 > 0:02:08No, for me. I mean, are you coming back?
0:02:08 > 0:02:11- No, but I'm sure they've got a replacement lined up.- A replacement?
0:02:11 > 0:02:17Someone a bit more "switched on" and less "frighteningly incompetent".
0:02:17 > 0:02:19No! Come on, Andy, we've got to fight this.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22You are the best boss I've ever had.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23- Really?- Yes!
0:02:23 > 0:02:25I mean, OK, so you got drunk
0:02:25 > 0:02:29and pissed yourself in a couple of meetings. So what, who hasn't?!
0:02:29 > 0:02:31What other boss would let me take a week off just
0:02:31 > 0:02:33to finally nail down my "summer look".
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Ah, that means a lot, Hannah. You've always stuck by me.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Even after you caught me spanking it in the conference room.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41What? No, that... That wasn't me.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43See, I am just not switched on.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Oh, that feels good.
0:02:58 > 0:02:59Is it all right if I sit here?
0:03:06 > 0:03:08What are you working on?
0:03:08 > 0:03:13Er... It's er...a screenplay.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16That is so cool. I've been meaning to get on that stuff.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20I had an idea for a film set entirely in space.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26How long you been working on that?
0:03:26 > 0:03:28About 18 months.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Sorry, I really need to focus.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Oh, sure. Pretend I'm not here.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44Dude, you're a film buff - what's your take on the theory going around
0:03:44 > 0:03:48that every Keanu Reeves film is actually set within the Matrix.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51That's why he plays all the characters the same way.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58Hey, mate...
0:03:58 > 0:03:59Woooaah!
0:04:03 > 0:04:04Please, don't...
0:04:04 > 0:04:06I'm joking, I'm joking.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12You backed up, right? You should always back up.
0:04:32 > 0:04:33Oh, hey, careful!
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Sorry.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37I am exhausted.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40I've spent the whole day looking for people to hang out with.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43I've been everywhere - the cinema, bowling alley, hospital.
0:04:43 > 0:04:44Hospital?
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Yeah, but it was a total flop.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Although, I did manage to swipe a bunch of the stuff
0:04:50 > 0:04:53they use to make leg casts.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55What's all this?
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Oh, I'm just stalking my new head of department.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00Wait, what happened to boozy Andy? Did his liver explode?
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Even worse, he got fired!
0:05:03 > 0:05:07It's so unfair, he was a functioning alcoholic. They're the best kind!
0:05:07 > 0:05:09They're fun and they get shit done.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Now I've got to start again with this new woman, Annette Walker.
0:05:12 > 0:05:13So what are you looking for?
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Just anything I can use to schmooze.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Get on her good side early like I did with Andy.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19The problem is there are loads of
0:05:19 > 0:05:21different Annette Walkers on LinkedIn.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23This one went to the University of Hull.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26This one's from Costa Rica. I'm going to have to learn all of this.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28When I need to remember something, I just squeeze my fists real tight.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Oh, my God?!
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Oh, yeah, this is Biscuits.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35I met him in the park, we hung out a bit.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37He sort of...followed me home.
0:05:38 > 0:05:39Dan, please get rid of him now.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Nah, come on, Biscuits is fine.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Yesterday I saw a mouse kill his whole family.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Do you guys like sesame?
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Yeah, all right, I'll get rid of him after dinner.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Hi, Annette, I just wanted to introduce myself.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02I'm Hannah, the Executive Team Assistant.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04I brought you a nice cup of Joe.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Oh, well that's great, thank you, Hannah.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Yeah, the beans come all the way from Costa Rica.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Beautiful part of the world, don't you think?
0:06:11 > 0:06:13I've never been.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Cool, cool.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22Still, not many Costa Ricans at the University Of Hull. A fantastic...
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Ugh, another bloody LinkedIn invite.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28My cousin, just cos she's started making miniature figurines
0:06:28 > 0:06:30out of candle wax, thinks she's a businesswoman.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32So you're not on LinkedIn, then?
0:06:32 > 0:06:35Sorry, Hannah, is there something I can help you with, or...?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37No, I just wanted to come to introduce myself and see how
0:06:37 > 0:06:38you were settling in.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Oh, slowly but surely.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43I've got to say, Andy's left this department in a real mess.
0:06:43 > 0:06:44Literally.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Most of those cabinets were just full of banana peel
0:06:46 > 0:06:48and Turkish delight.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Yeah, that was his hangover cure.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53To be honest, I'm worried the whole system's going to need an overhaul.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Overhaul?! That sounds serious.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57I mean, looking at these appraisals,
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Kevin's position basically encompasses your job.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02If that's true, we're just throwing money away.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06Then again, they were all covered in rum, so who knows what to believe.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09I think there's room for both me and Kevin.
0:07:09 > 0:07:14I mean, yes, Kevin can be incompetent and very...homophobic.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16So I guess if one of us had to go...
0:07:16 > 0:07:19I'm sure I'll figure it out.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Oh, while you're here, Angela is away,
0:07:22 > 0:07:25so if you could outline all her 2014 policies by the end of the day
0:07:25 > 0:07:26that would be great.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29You want me to do all of these by two?!
0:07:29 > 0:07:31No, I want them done by six.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Oh, yeah, six, obviously.
0:07:34 > 0:07:376pm, when I normally leave the office.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49MOBILE RINGS
0:07:49 > 0:07:50What is it, Dan?
0:07:50 > 0:07:53I've written a rap from the perspective of a slaughtered cow.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55- What?- I figured I'd try writing a rap.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58- It's from the perspective... - Dan, I'm way too busy.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00It turns out just I spent the whole weekend
0:08:00 > 0:08:02looking up facts about Costa Rica for nothing.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06- Let me just give you the first verse then.- This is serious, Dan, I've got to figure this out.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Otherwise she's going to realise I don't do anything around here
0:08:09 > 0:08:11and she's going to get rid of me.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Oh, shit, she's talking to Kevin. I've got to go.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Hey, gang! What's the goss?
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Er, Kevin's taking me through the old liability data.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Like I say, I don't know if this is too much,
0:08:22 > 0:08:25but I got the last five years together.
0:08:25 > 0:08:26No, this is really useful, Kevin.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Kevin, what was that thing you were saying the other week
0:08:29 > 0:08:32about how gay people shouldn't be allowed to live by the seaside?
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Well, I don't think that was me.
0:08:38 > 0:08:39Anyway, Annette, if you want
0:08:39 > 0:08:42I can always stay behind for an hour or so. We could go over them.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46Aw, no, not tonight. I'm meeting my son, Charlie, for dinner.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49I'm picking up my company car at lunch. It's being refitted.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50Refitted?
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Yeah, he's in a wheelchair.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Oh, God, I had to do the same thing for my mother-in-law moved down.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56- It's such a pain, isn't it?- Oh, yes.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00- Yeah, yeah. I also know how that feels.- Really?
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Uh-huh. Big time. My brother...is in a wheelchair, also.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05You've never said anything your brother.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07You've never asked, Kevin.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09I actually live with him. We're pretty close.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12MOBILE RINGS
0:09:12 > 0:09:13Oh, that's actually him now.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Sorry to take this at work. He's probably just a bit bored.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17He finds it quite hard meeting people.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20# You wanted a beef Well ya got one now
0:09:20 > 0:09:22# Spit it from my udders, I'm a murdered... #
0:09:22 > 0:09:24He's a real inspiration.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26How old is your brother, Hannah?
0:09:26 > 0:09:27Uh, he's 23.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Same age as my Charlie.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Piss off! You look way too young to have a son who's 23.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34You are a stone-cold MILF.
0:09:34 > 0:09:35No offence.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37None taken. Ha.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- What are you and your brother doing tonight?- Uh, nothing.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Well, you should come for dinner with me and Charlie.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44He's always got something or other going on.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47I'm sure he'd be happy to introduce your brother to a few people.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48Well...
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Hey, I'm not taking no for an answer.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Then I guess that is what is happening then. Great.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57You know, I mean, I could always come along too?
0:09:57 > 0:10:00I'm sure my mother-in-law's free.
0:10:00 > 0:10:01What?
0:10:01 > 0:10:04No, another time.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18What are you doing?
0:10:18 > 0:10:20I gave the television a cast.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23OK, fine, whatever. Look, what are you up to tonight?
0:10:23 > 0:10:28Do you fancy coming to dinner with me and my boss and her son, Charlie?
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Yeah, definitely!
0:10:30 > 0:10:34Cool. There is one other thing.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38I kind of need you to pretend to be in a wheelchair.
0:10:38 > 0:10:39No problem.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Really? Just like that? You're not even going to ask me why?
0:10:43 > 0:10:44Whatever it is, I'm on board.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46- OK, but my boss thinks that you're... - Say no more.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49- I kind of do need to say more because...- 'Nuff said. I've got this.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51- You get the chair, I'll handle the rest.- Dan!
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Hannah, I'm way ahead of you.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56How can that be true? You've literally just found out about this.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01You could have got me a nicer chair. I mean, this thing is falling apart.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04It's only because you keep trying to do wheelies.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07Look, let's just get our story straight before they turn up.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09I was jet skiing in Puerto Rico...
0:11:09 > 0:11:11You were 16. It was a part-time job.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Somebody backed into you with a forklift.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15And we didn't get any compensation.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Right, which is why I've got such a shitty chair.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20I like it.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Maybe my co-workers throw an annual banquet in my honour?
0:11:23 > 0:11:24Focus, I swear, if I lose my job,
0:11:24 > 0:11:26I will put your organs up for sale on eBay.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30Hannah, hi. I am so sorry we're late, hi.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Hi, I'm Dan. Nice to meet you.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34- Charlie, hi.- Nice to meet you.
0:11:34 > 0:11:35Hi.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38Those are sweetass headphones.
0:11:38 > 0:11:39Oh, thanks.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41I got them last summer at this gadget expo out in Japan.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Literally every word in that sentence
0:11:43 > 0:11:44was cooler than the one before.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Hannah, let's swap. I want to sit opposite Charlie.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53So what were you doing out in Japan?
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Did you bump into any sumo wrestlers?
0:11:55 > 0:11:57No, I was out there for work. I develop video games.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Shut the fuck up!
0:11:59 > 0:12:03That has literally been my dream job since I was five.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Except for two weeks when I wanted to be a circus strongman.
0:12:06 > 0:12:07Pretty sweet job.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09I just put on my headphones and bash out code all day.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13The thing about Kevin is, he's very, very unreliable
0:12:13 > 0:12:16and he's constantly taking time off work because he's got ringworm.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18- Really?- If you ever get the chance,
0:12:18 > 0:12:21look inside his desk because it is packed full of ointments.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25Honestly, I don't think there is ever a time when he's not applying some kind of cream to himself.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28Well, it's really good to get a bit of inside knowledge.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Sometimes as the new boss you can feel like a bit like the outsider.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Hey, I'll be your eyes and ears on the ground.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Say the word, and I'll be any body part you want.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Speaking of code, have you ever heard the theory that every
0:12:40 > 0:12:44Keanu Reeves movie is in fact actually set within the Matrix?
0:12:44 > 0:12:48Right, it's probably why he acts the same in every film.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Do you want to come over and watch them all tomorrow?
0:12:50 > 0:12:53Oh, I'm sorry, I can't tomorrow. I've got a basketball match.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57You play basketball as well? Is there anything you can't do?
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Well, except for obviously, you know... ...
0:12:59 > 0:13:02If you want, you know, could come and watch us play.
0:13:02 > 0:13:03We made it to the semis.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Well, I've got a semi right now,
0:13:05 > 0:13:08because that is the best idea I've ever heard.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11Annette, your son is a whiz kid!
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Thank you so much for inviting me.
0:13:13 > 0:13:19I've actually been having a bit of a rough time recently.
0:13:19 > 0:13:20I'm really sorry to hear that.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24Hannah, if you ever need any extra help, or some time off,
0:13:24 > 0:13:26you just ask, yeah?
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Oh, thank you.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31Ever since the accident it has been quite hard juggling things.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33- How long ago was it? - Seven years ago.- Last year.
0:13:33 > 0:13:39Six... Last year was six years, so seven overall.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41- Do you want to know how it happened? - No, I don't they need...
0:13:41 > 0:13:43I was jet skiing in Puerto Rico.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46And I picked up this girl who was basically a model,
0:13:46 > 0:13:47and we were getting hot and heavy.
0:13:47 > 0:13:48Not relevant, really.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Just a dynamite body, I'm telling you.
0:13:50 > 0:13:55When suddenly this huge wave comes and just tips the whole thing over.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59Anyway, there's a child in the water so I dive in to try and save him,
0:13:59 > 0:14:02but the jetski crushes my leg.
0:14:02 > 0:14:07And the boy dies right there in my arms.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Oh!
0:14:10 > 0:14:14You know what? I still don't regret trying.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Now, as for my left leg...
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Same thing. Exactly the same thing.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Thank God he survived to tell that...incredible story.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Shall we get the bill? Can we?
0:14:26 > 0:14:28..and if we take a look at the
0:14:28 > 0:14:29customer satisfaction figures dating
0:14:29 > 0:14:33back to '06, you can see that pattern developing, there.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35I think there's a lot we can learn from this
0:14:35 > 0:14:37as we move into the next year.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40I just think it's a case of checking in with the consumer at every step.
0:14:40 > 0:14:41Thank you, Kevin.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43OK, I think that's everything.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44Thank you, team.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Hannah, could you stay behind for a second?
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Hey, is this about last night?
0:14:50 > 0:14:53If I'd known you were going to pay the bill I never would have ordered two mains.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Oh, no, don't be silly. I had a great time.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Charlie, too. I think he and Dan really hit it off.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Are you kidding, I haven't seen Dan that happy
0:15:00 > 0:15:03since he realised the platypus was a real animal.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04Oh, that's great. No, listen,
0:15:04 > 0:15:08I've got to attend this miserable industry conference in Woking, but
0:15:08 > 0:15:11they said I could invite a member of staff, so I thought maybe you.
0:15:11 > 0:15:12Really?
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Full disclosure, it's going to be as dull as sin.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18But we do get to spend the night in a hotel,
0:15:18 > 0:15:21so I thought the cheap slippers and mini jams might make up for it.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Well, in that case, I am definitely in.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Oh, by the way, did you manage to get Angela's policy figures for me?
0:15:27 > 0:15:31Ah, no, I did not, sorry.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34I was working on them but then something came up with Dan, so...
0:15:34 > 0:15:38Don't worry. I'll get somebody else to do it, maybe Kevin.
0:15:38 > 0:15:39That would be ideal.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Let's just hope he doesn't get his cream all over them, right?
0:15:46 > 0:15:48HE LAUGHS
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Hey, sis, Charlie just sent me this hilarious
0:15:56 > 0:15:58link to a Japanese game show.
0:15:58 > 0:16:03It's just four guys in kaftans, punching an octopus.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Sounds fun. But I've got to go pack.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08- Me and Annette are going on a road trip tomorrow!- Really?
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Yeah. Well, technically, it's a work conference.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13But my plan to get close to her totally worked.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Today she took me for lunch and we spoke for like two hours
0:16:16 > 0:16:18- and she told me, like, really personal stuff.- Like what?
0:16:18 > 0:16:20I don't know, I wasn't really listening.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23- But she was crying, so it must have been important.- That's great.
0:16:23 > 0:16:28You and Annette are hitting it off, while me and Charlie are broing out.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30- Actually, I've got to get going. - Where are you off to?
0:16:30 > 0:16:35I'm going to watch Charlie in his semifinal and then I'm having a drink with his team afterwards.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38- You're meeting up with him again?! - Yeah, of course. He's my best mate.
0:16:38 > 0:16:39Dan, you only met him yesterday!
0:16:39 > 0:16:42What if he finds out you don't really need a wheelchair?
0:16:42 > 0:16:43I'll be careful, I promise.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Dan, I've got a sweet thing going here and I don't need you screwing it up.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49I'm not going to screw anything up.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51Dan, aren't you forgetting something?
0:16:52 > 0:16:53Oh, yeah, can I borrow some money?
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Oh, fuck, the chair! Nice save.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Well played, guys!
0:17:07 > 0:17:10We're into tomorrow's final. You should all be proud of yourselves!
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Honestly, watching you guys zip around out there was amazing!
0:17:13 > 0:17:17- All of you could hit the next Olympics.- Well, Paralympics.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19God, Darrell, you are so negative.
0:17:20 > 0:17:24I reckon you should be captain, not depressing Darrell over there.
0:17:24 > 0:17:25Oh, no.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Oh, before I forget, I've got something for you.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29What is it?
0:17:29 > 0:17:32My company are making a new video game and Keanu Reeves is playing
0:17:32 > 0:17:36one of the characters - he plays a ninja surfer.
0:17:36 > 0:17:37That's the beta version.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42I have a question, Charlie.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45What are you doing from now until one of us dies?
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Because, as of this moment you are literally my best friend.
0:17:48 > 0:17:49Ha, thanks buddy.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52Maybe we should make it official? Have a sleepover, or something?
0:17:52 > 0:17:56Not a sleepover, just you, me and a couple of sleeping bags.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Although, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't get much sleeping done.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04Because we're watching films and stuff, not sex.
0:18:06 > 0:18:07- Cheers, though.- Cheers.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16Look at all these name tags. Check it out, Annette, I'm Ranji Vyas.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Do I make you Ranji, baby?
0:18:18 > 0:18:19That's my name tag.
0:18:21 > 0:18:22Oh, sorry, Ranji. Great name.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27So what have we got to look to forward today, then?
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Er, let's see.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33Oh. Two hours of Advances In Admin followed by Manageable Metrics.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37And then...oh, a complimentary lunch of either salad or egg salad.
0:18:37 > 0:18:38Wait, that can't be right?
0:18:38 > 0:18:40No, I told you, these things are dire.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43We could sneak off to the hotel bar and grab a quick drink.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45It might make these lectures a bit more bearable.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48I used to do it all the time at uni.
0:18:48 > 0:18:49OK, just one.
0:18:49 > 0:18:53But what happens at the conference, stays at the conferences.
0:18:53 > 0:18:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Charlie! Charlie!
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Hey, man. Glad you could make it.
0:19:06 > 0:19:07Wouldn't miss it for anything.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Hey, I've got you a little something,
0:19:09 > 0:19:11as a thank you for that video game.
0:19:11 > 0:19:16Which, by the way, is awesome. Keanu smashes it, like he always does.
0:19:16 > 0:19:17Oh.
0:19:18 > 0:19:19It's a necklace.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22It's a locket. Inside there's a picture of me and you.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24I used Photoshop so we're both dressed as pharaohs.
0:19:25 > 0:19:26Sorry I'm late.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28That's all right, babe.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Dan, this is my girlfriend, Tess.
0:19:30 > 0:19:31Hi.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Listen, I'd better go and warm up. Wish me luck, babe.
0:19:35 > 0:19:36- Good luck.- Good luck.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41WHISTLE
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Whoo-hoo! Charlie!
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Whoo! Come on, Charlie!
0:19:45 > 0:19:46Let's go, Charlie!
0:19:48 > 0:19:51You got this, Charlie. Looking good. Over here! Whoo-hoo!
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Come on, Tess, pick it up. Let's go, Charlie!
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Charlie! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
0:19:59 > 0:20:04Two more signature cocktails for Yurki's favourite customers.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08I tell you what, ladies, these two are on the house.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12But sh, I only do that for the beautiful people.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18Holy shit, I think Yurki's got a thing for you.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20And by thing, I mean raging boner.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Come off it, Hannah.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24I'm pretty sure he's just fishing for a bigger tip.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Besides, I'm off that sort of thing anyway.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30- What sort of thing? - Oh, men.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32I mean, the most exciting thing in my life is
0:20:32 > 0:20:35conferences like this, who am I going to meet? Bloody Ranji Vyas?
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Oh, sorry, Ranji!
0:20:41 > 0:20:45Listen, Annette, you are an amazing woman, OK?
0:20:45 > 0:20:48You're super successful, you've raised a great kid
0:20:48 > 0:20:50and your boobs are kicking gravity in the arse.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53And I'm not just saying that because you're my boss, I mean it.
0:20:53 > 0:20:54Well, thanks, Hannah.
0:20:54 > 0:20:59It's OK. Unrelated, but could I have a day off next week?
0:20:59 > 0:21:01I need to buy a new television.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Sure, we'll talk about it on Monday.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Now, what would you say to another drink?
0:21:05 > 0:21:08I would say, "get in my mouth, you delicious drink!"
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Yurki! Two more, my good man!
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Why did they stop the game?
0:21:23 > 0:21:26Pike's bust his wrist, and we've got no subs.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29The ref says we're going to have to forfeit. We were so close.
0:21:31 > 0:21:32Put me in.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Really? Have you ever played?
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Only, like, every night in my dreams.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40But no, never in real life.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Listen, Charlie, we can't just give up now,
0:21:43 > 0:21:45not after we've come this far.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- You're sure?- Trust me, I can do this.
0:21:50 > 0:21:51OK, come on.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08Hey, Charlie, don't worry! I'm getting the hang of this.
0:22:17 > 0:22:18Charlie!
0:22:21 > 0:22:25- Yurki! Yurki! Yurki! - Yurki! Yurki! Yurki!
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Two more free cocktails, please.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30It's not possible, I'm afraid. My shift is over.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Aw! Boo, no!
0:22:33 > 0:22:36But, perhaps we can carry on the party elsewhere?
0:22:38 > 0:22:41Sweet! Our rooms are just upstairs.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44I don't know, Hannah, maybe we should just call it a night.
0:22:44 > 0:22:48Come on, you're always saying how you want more excitement in your life.
0:22:48 > 0:22:49Well. "Knock, knock", "Who's there?",
0:22:49 > 0:22:51"It's excitement! Let me in, Annette!"
0:22:51 > 0:22:53It'll be like an afterparty!
0:22:53 > 0:22:57I mean, it's only 8:45 but we have been drinking for six solid hours,
0:22:57 > 0:22:58so it still counts.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01Oh...all right!
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Guys, we've got 15 seconds to go, and we're one point down.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12It's now or never. Charlie, I want you pressing...
0:23:12 > 0:23:13Sorry, can I say something?
0:23:14 > 0:23:18Not long ago I was out on the Atlantic, clinging to a jet ski
0:23:18 > 0:23:21with a beautiful model in one arm and a dying child
0:23:21 > 0:23:24in the other, so I know a little something about adversity.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28You want to know why we're losing out there?
0:23:28 > 0:23:30You keep giving away the ball. And missing passes.
0:23:30 > 0:23:35It's heart. They've got it, we don't.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Now, I've only been on this team for eight minutes,
0:23:38 > 0:23:42but I've honestly never felt more a part of anything in my entire life.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45I believe in all of you, especially my best friend, Charlie.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50So I'm asking you. I'm begging you. Let's do this for friendship.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Let's do this for Charlie.
0:23:57 > 0:23:58Don't touch the ball.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01You don't touch the ball, Darrell.
0:24:08 > 0:24:09Shoot it!
0:24:09 > 0:24:10Come on!
0:24:13 > 0:24:14SHOUTING AND CHEERING
0:24:18 > 0:24:19Come to poppa.
0:24:25 > 0:24:26CHEERING
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Yes! We won!
0:24:36 > 0:24:37Whoo!
0:25:03 > 0:25:04Played, mate.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13I don't know what was in those cocktails, Yurki,
0:25:13 > 0:25:16but my pee is fluorescent now.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18What did I miss?
0:25:18 > 0:25:22Yurki was just telling me about his life back in Madeira. It's tragic.
0:25:22 > 0:25:26Yes, my little brother, he is sick. He has lupus,
0:25:26 > 0:25:28the wolf disease.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Every week I send money back to him for the treatment.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36Our parents are gone, and I am all he has left.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Bummer.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Do you know, when I got pregnant,
0:25:40 > 0:25:44my boyfriend did a runner the minute he found out.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46It's been just me and Charlie on our own ever since then.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Your boyfriend is a fool.
0:25:55 > 0:25:59Your eyes are like beautiful paintings...
0:25:59 > 0:26:01of eyes.
0:26:08 > 0:26:13OK, guys, I'm just going to slip away. Slip...oh.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34BUZZER RINGS
0:26:41 > 0:26:42Annette.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Hannah, just thought I'd pop by to give you this.
0:26:47 > 0:26:48You left before I woke up.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Yeah, well, I just, erm, just wanted to get back home early and,
0:26:51 > 0:26:53you know, make a start on some work.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55And have several showers.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57I just thought that maybe we need to talk about
0:26:57 > 0:27:01what happened at the conference, between you and I and Yurki.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04No, no, I don't think we need to talk about that.
0:27:04 > 0:27:09It's just that I am your boss and if anyone were to find out about...
0:27:09 > 0:27:13you know...I just think it may reflect poorly on me.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16As the senior figure, in the office, who...
0:27:16 > 0:27:17Wha... Dan?!
0:27:18 > 0:27:22Annette! How's it going?
0:27:22 > 0:27:26Oh, Charlie hasn't been replying to any of my IM's,
0:27:26 > 0:27:28so if you see him could you tell him, Dan says,
0:27:28 > 0:27:31"really sorry about the whole wheelchair thing."
0:27:31 > 0:27:32He'll know what it means.
0:27:37 > 0:27:42I would totally understand if you fired me, like, right now.
0:27:42 > 0:27:47But it would be a shame for what happened at the conference
0:27:47 > 0:27:49not stay at the conference.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56You are so lucky we had that threesome.