0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:05 > 0:00:06- It says they've refurbished the tech lab.- Dan!
0:00:06 > 0:00:09This is a really big day for me, OK?
0:00:09 > 0:00:11I don't want you messing it up by "playing" with heavy machinery.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14All right. I don't get why you're so stressed, sis.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17I mean, you're giving a careers talk to a bunch of sixth formers,
0:00:17 > 0:00:18not the King of Space.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21They're not just sixth formers, they're the future,
0:00:21 > 0:00:23and I have a chance to change their lives forever. To be honest,
0:00:23 > 0:00:26I can't believe it's taken them this long to invite me back,
0:00:26 > 0:00:27I was Vice-Deputy Head Girl.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30That's something you made up when you didn't get Head Girl.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33It was a really close election and there should have been a recount and
0:00:33 > 0:00:36I'm pretty sure it was rigged anyway and shut up! Why are you even here?
0:00:36 > 0:00:39It's my old school too. I miss it.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Life was so much simpler then, you know?
0:00:41 > 0:00:44- No stressing about your job...- You don't have a job.- ..paying rent...
0:00:44 > 0:00:46- You definitely don't pay rent. - ..when you got an erection
0:00:46 > 0:00:49- in public, you blamed it on your hormones.- You still do that.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52The point is, those were the best years of my life.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56Well, except when Jamie Flack beat me up in front of the entire school.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58- Just because I was different. - God, what a dick.
0:00:58 > 0:01:02Yeah, but look at me now, I'm about to spend the afternoon
0:01:02 > 0:01:04drilling holes in my shoes.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06- BELL RINGS - See you later.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22CAR HORN TOOTS, CHILDREN CHATTER
0:01:24 > 0:01:27BUZZ OF CONVERSATION
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Hi, Hannah, I'm Dr Barker, Head of Careers.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39- We spoke on the phone. - Yeah, hi, nice to see you again.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Thanks for coming in at such short notice.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44No, fine, thanks for having me. I can't wait to chat careers.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Besides, I'll take any excuse to get out of that fucking office.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51Honestly, once I took the day off because I saw one pigeon trying to make another one have sex
0:01:51 > 0:01:54- and it really bummed me out. - Well, as I say, we did have
0:01:54 > 0:01:57- a number of late drop-outs, so... - Hannah to the rescue. As usual.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59I did used to be Vice-Deputy Head Girl.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01I don't remember that being a thing?
0:02:01 > 0:02:04No, it was a thing. Definitely.
0:02:04 > 0:02:08OK, well, I just need you to fill out this form before the talk.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11- You work for an insurance company, yes?- That's right, yeah.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12I'm the Executive Team Assistant.
0:02:12 > 0:02:13I'll just put down P.A.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16What? No, I'm not a P.A?!
0:02:16 > 0:02:19- Can you just make sure you put down the word "executive".- OK.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22Thank you.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Also, quick question, maybe I'm misremembering,
0:02:25 > 0:02:27but didn't your name used to be Dr Barker-Roxborough?
0:02:28 > 0:02:33Mmm, yes, well, my husband and I recently separated.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36- Ah!- I'm just Dr Barker now.
0:02:36 > 0:02:41Shit, sorry. Still, at least your name's a bit less clunky, right?
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Yes, that's a real silver lining.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Oh, this is going to be fun.
0:02:51 > 0:02:56Oops, sorry, just looking for some graffiti I did a few years ago.
0:02:56 > 0:02:57I want to see if it survived.
0:03:03 > 0:03:04Shit!
0:03:04 > 0:03:07The graffiti's still here but they've changed it.
0:03:07 > 0:03:13See, "Dan is a legend" and then someone's added "for sucking cock".
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Don't worry, I've got it sorted.
0:03:15 > 0:03:21"Dan is a legend for not sucking cock."
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Checkmate.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33What are you guys up to?
0:03:33 > 0:03:35We're playing The Oracle's Journey
0:03:35 > 0:03:37It's a fantasy adventure quest.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39- Looks complicated. - No, it's very simple.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42Each player gets a character, they use it to collect relics
0:03:42 > 0:03:44and minerals until they're strong enough to challenge
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- the Emperor of Zathgar and his army of dragon spawn.- Makes sense.
0:03:47 > 0:03:48So, what are your characters?
0:03:48 > 0:03:50I'm a Dwarf Soldier, Jacob is a Wizard Troll,
0:03:50 > 0:03:52and Ashok is a Cyclops Prince.
0:03:52 > 0:03:53Sweet.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Do you want to play? You can be the Succubus.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03What's a Succubus?
0:04:03 > 0:04:05It's a female demon that has sex with men in their sleep
0:04:05 > 0:04:06and then kills them.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08I mean, how do you say no to that?!
0:04:12 > 0:04:17That's why, in logistics, we say the best way to get products from A to Z
0:04:17 > 0:04:21is through U. Thank you.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Thank you, Andrew.
0:04:25 > 0:04:30Up next, we have a former pupil, Miss Hannah French.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33Thank you, Dr Barker. Thank you, Andrew.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Now, we've all heard a lot today from stuffy old men in grey suits.
0:04:36 > 0:04:37SOME LAUGHTER
0:04:37 > 0:04:40So I think it's time to mix it up a bit.
0:04:40 > 0:04:41Look under your chairs.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49That's a picture of me, aged six.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Now, who'd have thought that that little girl would grow up to be
0:04:51 > 0:04:56an Executive Team Assistant at a multinational insurance firm?
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Not me. Back then, I wanted to be a firefighter.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Until I realised the pay's terrible and the physical stuff would
0:05:01 > 0:05:03probably make my body look quite mannish.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07Anyway, does everyone know what an Executive Team Assistant is?
0:05:07 > 0:05:09It's basically like being a P.A.?
0:05:09 > 0:05:11No, it's nothing like that. Why do people keep...?
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Why is your head's so small in this picture?
0:05:13 > 0:05:15LAUGHTER Well, I was six.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18Yeah, but even for a six-year-old, it's pretty tiny.
0:05:18 > 0:05:19It looks like a golf ball.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22- LAUGHTER - Excuse me...
0:05:22 > 0:05:24No, that's OK, Dr Barker, I can handle this.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29- Why don't you go fuck yourself, you jumped up little...?- Hannah!
0:05:29 > 0:05:30He started it.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33GASPS AND LAUGHTER Who threw that?
0:05:33 > 0:05:34Whoever throw that is going to get expelled.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Hannah, you don't have the authority to say that.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Wow, you have really checked out since that divorce.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42We would never have gotten away with that in my day... Stop!
0:05:46 > 0:05:47Oh, my God.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49LAUGHTER AND CHATTER
0:05:51 > 0:05:54Come on, Ashok, you need an eight or higher,
0:05:54 > 0:05:56otherwise you're going to have to trade me all of your timber.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04- Nine! Ashok, you lucky little shit! - It's a good game, right?
0:06:04 > 0:06:07- Much better than playing football or talking to people.- It's brilliant!
0:06:07 > 0:06:09You guys must play this every day?
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Pretty much. Except on Thursday's when Jacob has his flute lesson.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Why are you learning to play the flute?
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Isn't that just for girls and Native Americans?
0:06:17 > 0:06:18I wanted to learn the drums,
0:06:18 > 0:06:22but my mum said woodwind instruments look much better on a UCAS form.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24- They don't care about that stuff. - Well, my mum said...
0:06:24 > 0:06:26I was at uni for seven months
0:06:26 > 0:06:30and I didn't see a single person playing the flute.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33There was one guy who walked around crashing tiny cymbals together,
0:06:33 > 0:06:35but I think he took a bunch of MDMA in freshers' week
0:06:35 > 0:06:37and he sort of fried his brain.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Seriously, you guys should just do what you love while you're young.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45Cos, once you're an adult like me, there is no time for fun and games.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52Right, I think it's my turn to be the Sorcerer.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01Hi, Hannah? My name's Ellie. I just wanted to apologise
0:07:01 > 0:07:04for the others, they shouldn't have thrown all that stuff at you.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07They're seriously so immature. But it's so cool that you came back.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10I heard you were Vice-Deputy Head Girl, or something?
0:07:10 > 0:07:12That's right, I was!
0:07:12 > 0:07:15So you enjoyed the talk? What was the most inspiring bit?
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Well, I thought your job sounded really cool!
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- I'd love to do something like you one day.- Really?- Totally!
0:07:20 > 0:07:23But it sucks. I got stuck doing work experience at my uncle's
0:07:23 > 0:07:26carpet cleaning business, Chemical Floorfare.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27Well, I could probably get you
0:07:27 > 0:07:30- work experience at my place, if you want?- Do you think you could?
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Oh, yeah, yeah. I pull a lot of weight in the office.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36I managed to get my own parking space just by pretending to have gout.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40I'd really love that. Thank you so much! You're so awesome!
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Yeah, I guess I am pretty awesome.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- And there's plenty more iron ore where that came from.- Oh, no!
0:07:49 > 0:07:51What about my gem of sorcery?
0:07:51 > 0:07:52CHATTER
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Oh, what about timber?!
0:07:54 > 0:07:57- Oh, hey, Hannah. - There you are.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00This is Ken, Jacob, Ashok. Guys, this is my sister.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01We should get going, Dan.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Five more minutes, please?
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Ken's about to go through the Tunnel of Kyros.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08I have no idea what you're talking about,
0:08:08 > 0:08:11- but I'm starting the car in two minutes with or without you.- Fine!
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Sorry, guys, but my sister's being a real BEEP!
0:08:14 > 0:08:15LAUGHTER
0:08:15 > 0:08:18We could finish this tomorrow if you wanted? I've got a meeting with
0:08:18 > 0:08:21my parole officer in the morning, but we could meet up after that?
0:08:21 > 0:08:24- Yeah, OK.- Sweet.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27- Can we go to McDonalds on the way back?- No.- Please?- No.- Please?
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- No, you can do that all day.- Please, please, please?- OK, fine!- Yes!
0:08:30 > 0:08:33But you are not getting a Coke, you're way too hyper already.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Hi, Hannah, here are the timetables you asked for.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Oh, wow, that normally takes me all day.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48And thanks again for sorting this out.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51It's a million times better than my uncle's place.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Well, I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.
0:08:53 > 0:08:54If you're not busy, I was wondering
0:08:54 > 0:08:57if you could show me how the Policy Migration software works?
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Ah, I was literally
0:08:59 > 0:09:02just about to go and have a nap in the disabled toilet upstairs.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06- Maybe tomorrow?- Oh, OK.- Don't worry, you're not missing anything.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08That thing is a fucking snoozefest.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10- Unbelievable!- What's wrong?
0:09:10 > 0:09:11We're out of biscuits.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14Probably Chloe again. It's like, you know you have diabetes,
0:09:14 > 0:09:16why don't you just buy your own Jaffa Cakes,
0:09:16 > 0:09:20instead of stealing all of ours? Some people are so selfish!
0:09:20 > 0:09:23- I could go out and get you some? - Really? You'd do that?
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Mm-hm, I've finished all my work, so I'm free.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Yeah, that'd be great! Thanks! Oh, actually, if you are popping out,
0:09:29 > 0:09:31could you pick up some extra stuff for me?
0:09:31 > 0:09:35- Uh, yeah, sure. What would you like? - Not much, just a couple of things.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Bacon, toothpaste... The usual. You might have to go
0:09:39 > 0:09:42- to the bakery round the corner to pick up the bagels.- OK.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46Oh, don't worry, it won't take long. Like five, ten minutes. 15, maybe.
0:09:46 > 0:09:47An hour, tops.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Oh, thanks, protege.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58CAR TYRES SCREECH ON VIDEO GAME
0:09:58 > 0:09:59ALL: Oh!
0:10:00 > 0:10:02This is so much better than playing online,
0:10:02 > 0:10:06and not just because you guys don't keep calling me a bitch.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Today at school, Nathan challenged Max
0:10:08 > 0:10:09- to a Ham Contest. - What's a Ham Contest?
0:10:09 > 0:10:11When two people get a packet of ham each
0:10:11 > 0:10:13and whoever eats the most in one minute wins.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16Ah, I cannot believe I missed that.
0:10:16 > 0:10:21Dan, I talked to my mum and she said, as long as I take GCSE Latin,
0:10:21 > 0:10:23she'll let me stop taking flute lessons.
0:10:23 > 0:10:24So I'm going to learn to play the drums.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28Jacob, that's brilliant! We should start a band. We can practise here.
0:10:30 > 0:10:31All right, sis?
0:10:31 > 0:10:34Hey, how do you feel about going halfsies on a drum kit?
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Take those through into the kitchen. I'll be with you in a second.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Dan, can I have a word?
0:10:42 > 0:10:45Don't you go pressing unpause now, Ashok, you little rascal.
0:10:49 > 0:10:50What's up?
0:10:50 > 0:10:53What are those kids doing here? And why does this place stink?
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Oh, they had P.E. today and they're too shy to use the showers.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59It smells like someone's farted through a glass of hot milk.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Come on, Hannah, boys will be boys.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Yes, they're boys. Young boys.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06- Why are you always hanging out with them?- Because they're fun.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Plus, they're super mature for their age.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12- Ken's already got 11 chest hairs. - Why do you know that?!
0:11:12 > 0:11:15If it's weird, then how come you're hanging out with that girl?
0:11:15 > 0:11:18I'm not "hanging out" with her, she's doing work experience with me.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21I'm giving her invaluable exposure to office life.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Hannah, where do you want the triple fudge doughnuts?
0:11:24 > 0:11:26On the counter's fine, thank you.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30OK, fine, I'll be honest, it's a sweet deal.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32She basically does everything I ask her to.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35It's like having one of those helper monkeys that quadriplegics get.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37What's in it for her?
0:11:37 > 0:11:38Me!
0:11:38 > 0:11:41I've taken her under my wing. I'm mummy bird, you know.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Chewing up little bits of wisdom and sticking them back down her throat.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47When she's finished in there, do you reckon she could clean my room?
0:11:47 > 0:11:48If you want someone to clean your room,
0:11:48 > 0:11:50you should get a job, find a work experience kid
0:11:50 > 0:11:53and get them to do it for you, like a normal person.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Here you go, Hannah. One coffee, half black, half white.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08Perfect. Listen, do you mind working a little bit late tonight?
0:12:08 > 0:12:11- Do you need help uploading the liability reports?- Oh, no, no.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14I had a dresser delivered to my flat and I need help putting it together.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18My brother and those kids broke the last one trying to re-enact Jumanji.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20- Yeah, sure, I can help with that. - Great.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24And, for lunch today, could I have a pork burrito,
0:12:24 > 0:12:26instead of a chicken burrito, you know, mix it up a bit.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Um, actually, I don't think I can get your lunch today.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Kevin's got a meeting at one and he asked me to run the PowerPoint.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36No, sure, I guess that is more important than me having lunch.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38My mum made a tuna salad, you could have that?
0:12:38 > 0:12:41No, it's fine, I'll get my own lunch.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44But, you know, you don't have to do things just because Kevin says so.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46I know, but the meeting does sound really interesting.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50Sure. I just, I don't want people taking advantage of you.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54- Thanks, Hannah.- It's OK. I'll see you after the meeting.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Also, um... I dropped my pen down the loo,
0:12:56 > 0:12:58so if you could fish that out when you get the chance.
0:13:07 > 0:13:08DOORBELL RINGS
0:13:14 > 0:13:16The boys!
0:13:16 > 0:13:19I hope you are ready for a mega Playstation sesh.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22I've got three bottles of Fanta,
0:13:22 > 0:13:24dinosaur chicken nuggets in the oven.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29- Wait, what happened to you guys? - Tom Flack beat us up.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32We were just on our way home, talking about our favourite Blackadder jokes,
0:13:32 > 0:13:34when he came up to us and called us losers.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36He ripped our bags off us and stole all our stuff.
0:13:36 > 0:13:37Even the Oracle's Journey cards.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Did he take the Magpie Expansion Pack?
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Why did no-one stop him?
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Tom Flack is like the worst kid in Year 10. Last year,
0:13:46 > 0:13:49he got sent home for shaving the word "bollocks" in his own hair.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51- Wait, what's this kid's name? - Tom Flack.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53HE SCOFFS
0:13:53 > 0:13:57No wonder he's a dick, his older brother did exactly the same thing
0:13:57 > 0:13:59- to me when I was at school. - Really?- Yeah.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Beat me up in front of everyone just because I was different.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03I guess it's like my mum says,
0:14:03 > 0:14:05we should rise above it and be the better person.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08No, I'm sorry, Jacob, but your mum is full of crap, OK? We can't just
0:14:08 > 0:14:11let him get away with it, not like his brother did. Come on.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Ellie, there you are! I thought you'd been kidnapped, or something.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26I don't know where you found this girl,
0:14:26 > 0:14:29but she is a PowerPoint whizz kid. Those slide transitions...
0:14:29 > 0:14:32That's great, Kevin, but you've had your turn. Hand her over.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38We should get going, that dressing table won't un-flat-pack itself.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Well, I was just thinking maybe I could stay here instead.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44- Why, what's wrong?- Nothing's wrong, but the meeting went really well,
0:14:44 > 0:14:47- so Kevin's taking us out for Pad Thai to celebrate.- Er...
0:14:47 > 0:14:49- But you said you were going to help?- Yeah, but Kevin...
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Forget about Kevin, Kevin's an idiot. Kevin's got fucking ringworm.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54I bet he didn't have that in the presentation.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Come on, I was the one that got you work experience.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59But helping you build a dressing table isn't really work, is it?
0:14:59 > 0:15:03So you're just going to flake on me? I taught you everything you know.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05- But you haven't taught me anything! - What?
0:15:05 > 0:15:07I've been here a week and all I've done is get you lunch,
0:15:07 > 0:15:10and defrost the fridge, and fill out your tax return!
0:15:10 > 0:15:12And I don't want to do those things any more.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Well, then, I guess I'll just go home
0:15:14 > 0:15:17and build my furniture alone, like some pathetic carpenter
0:15:17 > 0:15:20whose apprentice has deserted her for a cheap bowl of noodles.
0:15:22 > 0:15:26Oh, and I had your mum's tuna salad and it was incredibly bland.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34- That's him.- Do as I do - stay cool and we'll be fine.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37Hey! Which one of you is Tom Flack?
0:15:41 > 0:15:43I'm Tom Flack.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46Oh, my God, I thought you were someone's dad. You're huge.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Yeah, well, I drink a lot of milk and I've got a thyroid problem.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51But it's none of your fucking business.
0:15:51 > 0:15:56Maybe not. But you took some stuff from my pals and I want it back.
0:15:56 > 0:16:01What, you mean those goblin cards? Nah, mate. I threw those things away.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Well, you're going to have to replace them. Otherwise...
0:16:04 > 0:16:06"Otherwise" what?
0:16:06 > 0:16:10Otherwise, I...will...kill you.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14I mean, obviously not. Please don't tell anyone I said that.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16But I will do something.
0:16:16 > 0:16:20I'm 15. If you touch me, that's child abuse.
0:16:20 > 0:16:25- Fine. Maybe- I- can't touch you, but I know three guys who can.
0:16:25 > 0:16:26Dan, what are you saying?
0:16:26 > 0:16:30It's all right, Jacob, I've got this. I've seen your type before.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Think you're a big man just because you've got facial hair and you can
0:16:32 > 0:16:36only buy shoes that fit over the internet, but you're just a coward.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Mate, what are you talking about?
0:16:38 > 0:16:42I'm talking about a rematch. You versus them.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45- But, Dan, why would we...? - I said I've got this.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47If they win, you have to replace the cards.
0:16:47 > 0:16:52If you win then I will... wear a dress.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55Why the fuck would I want you to wear a dress?
0:16:55 > 0:16:56I don't know, you pick something.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58If you want me to fight them, I'll fight them.
0:16:58 > 0:17:03I don't give a shit. It'll be like crushing three little nerdy ants.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Ha-ha-ha(!)
0:17:05 > 0:17:09Oh, I cannot wait for them to teach you a lesson.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Tomorrow. After school.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Oh, and, er...
0:17:15 > 0:17:18bring a coffin, yeah? You're going to need it.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30Guys, we all storm out together, otherwise it's just not the same.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42Oh, great, Dan. Can you help me with this?
0:17:42 > 0:17:46No can do, sis. Just came to pick-up some trainers and my Rocky II DVD.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Why, where are you going?
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Supposed to be meeting the guys in 20 mins. We're in training.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Are you still hanging out with those kids?
0:17:53 > 0:17:55This afternoon, they got jumped by Tom Flack.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58- You know, Jamie Flack's little brother.- Who's Jamie Flack?
0:17:58 > 0:18:01The guy who beat me up just because I was different, remember?!
0:18:01 > 0:18:03It turns out his little brother is just as bad.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05- What, so you're going to fight him?- No!
0:18:05 > 0:18:07I'm not, the kids are.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09What are you up to?
0:18:09 > 0:18:12I've just spent the last three hours assembling this dresser.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14I'm really sorry about the other one, I genuinely thought
0:18:14 > 0:18:17- it'd take the boys' weight. - Yeah, well, I would've been done
0:18:17 > 0:18:19a lot quicker if it wasn't for Ellie the Judas.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22She's so ungrateful! If it wasn't for me, she would have spent
0:18:22 > 0:18:26two weeks watching her uncle scrub dog poo out of carpets.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28But, if she doesn't need me, then I don't need her.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Mummy Bird is going to be just fine.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Oh! Ow!
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Ah! Oh, God!
0:18:37 > 0:18:38Who's Mummy Bird?
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Hannah, what happened to you?
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Well, Brutus, thanks to you bailing on me last night,
0:18:48 > 0:18:52I had to build the dresser by myself and it collapsed on me.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55- Oh, my God.- Yep, I had to spend five hours in A & E
0:18:55 > 0:18:58and I still don't have a dressing table and it's all your fault.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00It's not my fault you haven't got anyone to help you.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Or that you bought really shitty furniture.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Well, I'm cutting the cord, you are done being my protege.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Fine. I didn't want to be your protege anyway.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12- No offence but your life's kind of...depressing.- Depressing?
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Face it, you're eight years older than me and still basically a P.A.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18You've a terrible diet, most of the stuff on your shopping list was
0:19:18 > 0:19:22just alcohol, ready meals and four different types of cream cheese.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24- And I know your brother's got learning difficulties, but...- What?
0:19:24 > 0:19:27- Dan doesn't have learning difficulties...- Really?
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Then, why does he hang around with those kids so much?
0:19:30 > 0:19:35I honestly don't know. The point is you're on your own from now on.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37I hope you know how to swim, sister,
0:19:37 > 0:19:40because these waters are going to get seriously choppy.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45- Hannah, could I borrow Ellie for a second?- Er, Ellie who?
0:19:46 > 0:19:50Um...this Ellie. I wanted to talk to the boss
0:19:50 > 0:19:53- about bringing her back for a placement over the summer.- What?!
0:19:53 > 0:19:56It was a really good PowerPoint.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Oh, listen, Hannah, could you go put on some coffee for us?
0:20:00 > 0:20:01Can I get mine black? No sugar.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08I've created a monster. And, just like Dr Frankenstein,
0:20:08 > 0:20:12I must now destroy the very thing I brought into this world.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- It is not going to be... - Sorry, are you talking to me?
0:20:15 > 0:20:18Er, I'm trying to have a dramatic moment to myself! Can you piss off?
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Hannah, what are you doing here?
0:20:34 > 0:20:37It's about Ellie. I just think we should cut her placement short.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40- Get her out of there, ASAP. - Is there a problem?
0:20:40 > 0:20:43I've tried to make it work, but I just think the two of us
0:20:43 > 0:20:46need to go our separate ways, you know, like you and your husband.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Hannah, I'm in the middle of something here.
0:20:49 > 0:20:50Is there a specific reason you feel
0:20:50 > 0:20:53that Ellie should be pulled off the placement early?
0:20:53 > 0:20:57Well... I don't know how to say this...
0:20:57 > 0:21:00but Ellie...abused me.
0:21:01 > 0:21:06- Abused you? - Yep. Physically.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08This was all her handiwork.
0:21:11 > 0:21:17- What exactly happened, Hannah? - She pushed me...down some stairs.
0:21:17 > 0:21:22- What?- Yep, I really didn't want to bring this up but you pushed me.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25- No pun intended. Ha-ha! - Why would she do that?
0:21:25 > 0:21:27That doesn't sound like Ellie at all.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31That's what I thought, but that girl has got a dark side.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34I asked her to stay late, just to do some paperwork,
0:21:34 > 0:21:37and something just flipped.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39She threw coffee in my face and she shoved me down the stairs.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42- Oh, my God.- Yeah, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45This stuff's been going on all week. It's been hell.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49Hannah, um, these are some very serious allegations.
0:21:49 > 0:21:50Are you sure about this?
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Yes.
0:21:54 > 0:21:55Yes, I am.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59That's it, boys, pick it up.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06OK, let's move on to some sit-ups.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09Won't all this training just make us really tired for the actual fight?
0:22:09 > 0:22:11- Yeah, maybe.- Do you think we should even go through with it?
0:22:11 > 0:22:15I mean, Tom Flack's going to kill us. And we're missing English.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Maybe it's just like my mum says, you should ignore bullies, focus on
0:22:18 > 0:22:21our work and then enjoy being more successful than them as adults.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24Jacob, I'm not trying to be mean, but your mum's a fucking idiot.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27She's wrong about the flute and she's wrong about this.
0:22:27 > 0:22:28Guys, you can't let the bullies win,
0:22:28 > 0:22:32or they'll have power over you for the rest of your lives.
0:22:33 > 0:22:34Listen...
0:22:37 > 0:22:39When Tom Flack's brother beat me up,
0:22:39 > 0:22:43just because I was different, I did nothing
0:22:43 > 0:22:46and it is the biggest regret of my life,
0:22:46 > 0:22:50except for when I sold my passport to those Ukrainian guys
0:22:50 > 0:22:53- who said they were recruiting submarine drivers.- What?
0:22:56 > 0:22:59The point is, Tom Flack might be ten times the size of you,
0:22:59 > 0:23:04but all of you guys are a thousand times the person he will ever be.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07I got you all something.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Ken, the Dwarf Soldier.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Jacob...
0:23:19 > 0:23:20..the Wizard Troll.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24And sweet Ashok...
0:23:26 > 0:23:27..the Cyclops Prince.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33Now, let's get out there and teach Tom Flack
0:23:33 > 0:23:36and his freakily underactive thyroid a lesson.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39- What did you want to see me about? - Hello, Ellie.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Please, take a seat, Ellie.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49What's going on? Is this because I didn't get you that burrito?
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Ellie, it's about your placement with Hannah.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54She's claiming that, over the past week you have been -
0:23:54 > 0:23:58and there's no easy way of saying this - systematically abusing her.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00- Verbally and Physically.- What?!
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Oh! Careful, Dr Barker, I've seen that look in her eyes before.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06- She's getting ready to hulk out. - Hannah, I'll deal with this.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10Now, Ellie, I'm sure you're aware this is a very serious situation.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13I don't understand! What am I meant to have done?
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Well, according to Hannah's statement, you...
0:24:15 > 0:24:19put out a cigarette out on her leg, you threw pound coins at her face
0:24:19 > 0:24:22for an hour, you gave her the nickname Wide-Arse.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25- And that's just the first day. - Oh, my God, none of that's true!
0:24:25 > 0:24:28I told you she'd deny it. The lies hurt nearly as much as the blows.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31I'm not lying, she's lying! She's just making all of this up,
0:24:31 > 0:24:33because I said her life was depressing.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Can I say something, Dr Barker?
0:24:35 > 0:24:39It took a lot of bravery for me to report all of this.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41I tried telling one of my co-workers
0:24:41 > 0:24:43and she threatened to rip off my eyelids.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46- What?!- I just wanted to help a young woman reach her potential
0:24:46 > 0:24:49and this is how she repays me. I feel like a fool.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51OK, I think we need to bring in Mr Greenwood.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55He's the head of our Anti-Bullying Scheme. Just give me a moment.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Phew, I think she's buying it.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Why are you doing this, Hannah?
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Hey, I wish it hadn't come to this, either.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05You could've been my apprentice! I could have taught you
0:25:05 > 0:25:08how to fake cry - the trick is to think of something really sad.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11You can't do this, Hannah! I could get in so much trouble!
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Oh, come on. You'll just get a slap on the wrist.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17- Maybe a criminal record. - Please don't do this, Hannah.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Fine, I'll drop all of the charges
0:25:20 > 0:25:24if you promise to turn down the summer placement at my office.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26And get me a burrito once a week.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29OK, fine.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32OK, Mr Greenwood will be down in a second.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34You know what, Dr B, er...
0:25:34 > 0:25:37I reckon we should just let bygones be bygones. I think Ellie would agree
0:25:37 > 0:25:40that she's learnt her final lesson from Mummy Bird.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Who's Mummy Bird?
0:25:45 > 0:25:48I want a good, clean fight, yeah?
0:25:48 > 0:25:51No spitting, no scratching and no low blows.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56And just so we're clear what's at stake here.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59If my boys win, you replace their stuff.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03- If you win, I will wear a dress. - I don't want you to wear a dress!
0:26:03 > 0:26:06- Look, are we going to fight or what? - All right, let's get on with it.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Good luck. Remember what I taught you about making a strong fist.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12You didn't teach us anything about making a strong fist!
0:26:12 > 0:26:16Oh, shit, there's no time now. You'll be fine. ..Good luck, boys!
0:26:16 > 0:26:18PUPILS CHANT: Fight! Fight!
0:26:20 > 0:26:22HE GRUNTS
0:26:22 > 0:26:26What are you doing? It's still two against one! Come on!
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Stop it! I said stop!
0:26:29 > 0:26:32All of you, get out of here! Go! Go on.
0:26:35 > 0:26:39- Dan?- Jamie Flack? Oh, my God, what are you doing here?
0:26:39 > 0:26:42I work here, I'm a teacher. What are you doing here?
0:26:42 > 0:26:43I organised the fight.
0:26:44 > 0:26:48Look, Ken, Jacob, Ashok, I want you to go and wait in my classroom.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50This isn't like you, I'm very disappointed.
0:26:52 > 0:26:53Well done.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56And you, what the fuck did mum tell you about getting into fights?
0:26:56 > 0:26:58JAMIE PROTESTS When we get home, you are dead!
0:27:02 > 0:27:04Dan, what the hell is going on here?
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Your brother pushed those kids around
0:27:06 > 0:27:09- and I wasn't going to let him get away with it, like you did.- What?
0:27:09 > 0:27:13Your ugly little brother is a vicious thug, just like you were.
0:27:13 > 0:27:17- What are you talking about? - Oh, don't do the innocent act.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20You beat me up in Year 10, just because I was different.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22No, I beat you up in Year 10,
0:27:22 > 0:27:25because you cut the end of my finger off in DT!
0:27:25 > 0:27:29- And because I was different. - No, because of the finger.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31- And also just because I was...- No.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36Hannah!
0:27:36 > 0:27:38Oh, hey. How was the fight?
0:27:38 > 0:27:40Cancelled after the first punch.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42- Really?- Yeah, they called the kids' parents.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45I'm not allowed to hang out with them any more.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47Good. I don't know why that's taken so long.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50Yeah, it's a shame. But great news!
0:27:50 > 0:27:53Turns out Jamie Flack didn't beat me up, cos I was different.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55It was just because I cut off one of his fingers in DT.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57- High four.- That's not great news.
0:27:57 > 0:28:01You permanently damaged someone's life. That's terrible!
0:28:01 > 0:28:04- What are you doing here anyway? - Oh, I managed to get rid of Ellie
0:28:04 > 0:28:06by pretending she had massive rage issues.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10HE SIGHS
0:28:10 > 0:28:12God, I miss school.
0:28:42 > 0:28:43Bwark!