0:00:02 > 0:00:03This programme contains strong language.
0:00:03 > 0:00:07Can I get four chocolate muffins? Ooh, and cup of hazelnut syrup on the side? To take away.
0:00:07 > 0:00:08You're not staying?
0:00:08 > 0:00:11I thought we were having one of our famous Siblings Coffee Mornings?
0:00:11 > 0:00:14OK, first off, that's not a thing we've ever done.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16And secondly, I've gotta be at the airport in an hour.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19You're not buying duty-free cigarettes and selling them on eBay, again?
0:00:19 > 0:00:21- Dad said it's illegal. - No, it's a work thing.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24Some bullshit consultant is coming over from the New York office
0:00:24 > 0:00:25and they're making muggins here go pick him up.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Cool! I love Americans.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30No, it's not cool. They always give me the shittiest jobs
0:00:30 > 0:00:32just because I'm the youngest and the least qualified.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34I should be at the top of pile,
0:00:34 > 0:00:37not having to babysit some flag-crazy,
0:00:37 > 0:00:38hotdog-guzzling, Yankee fuckwit.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42- Holy shit! Is that Holly? - Who?
0:00:42 > 0:00:44That girl I used to be ridiculously in love with.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47You say that about basically any girl who talks to you.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48Holly was different.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50She was like my summer girlfriend at that circus camp
0:00:50 > 0:00:52I went to when I was 14.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Wait, circus camp was a real thing?
0:00:54 > 0:00:58I thought it was a euphemism Mum made up for some sort of institute.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Hi. Uh, Holly?
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Dan French?! No shit! What are you doing here?
0:01:03 > 0:01:06I live nearby, I just came for some coffee with my sister.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Hey, tell her about our fling at circus camp.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11- She won't believe it happened. - Oh, no, it totally happened.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14Do you know, the last time I saw you, you asked me to slow dance,
0:01:14 > 0:01:17then got a boner.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Good times! So, what have you been up to?
0:01:19 > 0:01:23Oh, only went and got myself bloody pregnant, didn't I?!
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Sorry, just checking, there's absolutely no chance
0:01:28 > 0:01:31that's because of the slow-dance boner is there?
0:01:31 > 0:01:32Er, no.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49So, fill me in, what've you been up to for the past ten years?
0:01:49 > 0:01:52- Did you see the second Hunger Games film?- Yeah!
0:01:52 > 0:01:56But apart from that, I spent the last decade dossing about, really.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58I had a bunch of lame temp jobs after uni,
0:01:58 > 0:02:00until one day, I was like,
0:02:00 > 0:02:02"If don't get out of here soon, I'm gonna morph
0:02:02 > 0:02:06"into some half-human-half-temp, bitch-monster."
0:02:06 > 0:02:08So, I maxed out my overdraft
0:02:08 > 0:02:10and booked a ticket to Australia that night.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12- Seriously? - Dude, it was awesome.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15I just bummed around the outback for six months,
0:02:15 > 0:02:18came back with a wicked suntan and this little guy.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21- The dad's still out in Australia. - Who was he? Can I guess?
0:02:21 > 0:02:25- Hugh Jackman.- No. It was my bungee jump safety instructor.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Kind of ironic, since he didn't use protection!
0:02:27 > 0:02:30I mean, he wore his harness, he just didn't wear a condom.
0:02:30 > 0:02:31He wore his harness?
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Anyway, I'm back now, just trying to get by on my own.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Working here to save a bit of cashola.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40Well, Holly, I think you're gonna make an awesome single mum.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Like JK Rowling, but even better.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Thanks, Dan!
0:02:44 > 0:02:47I've missed you, man.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Listen, my shift ends in a couple of hours,
0:02:49 > 0:02:50why don't you stick around?
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Help me clean the gunk out of the espresso machine!
0:02:52 > 0:02:56- Holly, I would help you clean gunk out of anything.- Cool!
0:03:01 > 0:03:03I'm gonna need today's newspapers, yesterday's newspapers
0:03:03 > 0:03:05and, if you can swing it, tomorrow's newspapers.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Also, I knocked myself out on the plane with some pretty heavy
0:03:08 > 0:03:11sleeping pills, so I'm gonna need just a paddling pool of coffee.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Oh, and get me some of that Yorkshire pudding you guys have,
0:03:14 > 0:03:16I can't get enough of that fucking stuff.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18- Read that back to me. - You didn't tell me to take notes.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22Well, I didn't tell you to keep breathing either, but you managed it, right?
0:03:22 > 0:03:24- What did you say your name was? - Hannah.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27- Are you Cher? Come on, Hannah what? - Hannah French.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Your last name's French, but you're English?
0:03:30 > 0:03:33God, that's wild. I can tell you got that kooky British sense of humour.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35I mean, that wasn't really a joke.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Come on, French, let's go grab a cab.
0:03:37 > 0:03:38Actually, my car's over here.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Well, I'm jonzin' for an old-school London cab,
0:03:41 > 0:03:45so it looks like you'll be picking up that car of yours in the morning.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Why am I eating this?
0:03:50 > 0:03:55MUSIC PLAYS ON LAPTOP THEY GIGGLE
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Hannah, come check this out!
0:03:57 > 0:03:58We're watching a video from circus camp.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01It's me and Holly in the big talent show.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03- Oh, hi, Holly.- Hi!
0:04:03 > 0:04:05We did this crazy double-act clown thing
0:04:05 > 0:04:07to that Black Eyed Peas song, "Where Is The Love?"
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Yeah, we came last, but we did get a prize for loudest performance.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Normally, I'd try and make up an excuse,
0:04:12 > 0:04:15but I've had the shittiest day today, so I'm just gonna say no.
0:04:15 > 0:04:16Why, what happened?
0:04:16 > 0:04:18It's this American guy that I'm looking after.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21He's like the most demanding douchebag in the world.
0:04:21 > 0:04:22I'm basically his PA,
0:04:22 > 0:04:26his chauffeur and his wet-nurse, all rolled into one.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28MOBILE RINGS
0:04:28 > 0:04:29Oh, God, it's him.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Yes, George?
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Oh, fine.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Yeah, I'll be there in a hour.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Now I have to go pick up his dry-cleaning.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41He's only been in the country since this morning,
0:04:41 > 0:04:44how the fuck does he have dry-cleaning?!
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Did he bring dirty clothes on the plane?!
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Dude, I should probably head too.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Sure. What about tomorrow, you wanna hang out?
0:04:51 > 0:04:53I could swing by the cafe again.
0:04:53 > 0:04:58Actually, I've got this antenatal yoga class.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01I mean, it's really cringe, but I've already paid for all the sessions.
0:05:01 > 0:05:02I could come with you to that.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Really? It'd be so cool to have someone else there!
0:05:05 > 0:05:08I'll be honest, I kind of underestimated how much prep stuff
0:05:08 > 0:05:09goes into having a baby.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11It's worse than cooking a roast.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13I haven't even picked a name yet!
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- I've always liked the name Vlad. - Vlad?
0:05:15 > 0:05:20Yeah, it'd be so good. "I vant to suck your milk."
0:05:21 > 0:05:24- Think about it.- All right.
0:05:26 > 0:05:27You're two minutes late, French.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30What happened, did you stop off and read Ulysses on the way?
0:05:30 > 0:05:32There was a queue at the dry-cleaners
0:05:32 > 0:05:35and I had to go get those Yorkshire puddings you wanted.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Oh!
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Mmm! These little fuckers make the jet-lag all worthwhile.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42What do I owe you, French?
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Will £100 cover it?
0:05:44 > 0:05:46You do realise they're just milk, eggs and flour?
0:05:46 > 0:05:48I can just put it on expenses.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52Now, French, what can you tell me about Josh Selby from marketing?
0:05:52 > 0:05:53Oh, he's a dick.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56He signed up for a marathon and made us all sponsor him.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Then, he fainted after 22 miles and got all pissy
0:05:58 > 0:06:00when I said he didn't deserve the money.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03Ha! There it is. That kooky British sense of humour.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06- I love it! - Why do you ask about Josh?
0:06:06 > 0:06:08I'm about to make him redundant.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Him and 17 other lucky individuals have won
0:06:10 > 0:06:12the world's shittiest lottery tickets.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Whoa. Are you really getting rid of all these people?
0:06:17 > 0:06:19That's what I do, French. I'm a corporate downsizer.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Companies bring me in when they're in trouble
0:06:21 > 0:06:23and they need to thin the herd.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25I'm the Caped Crusader of redundancies, swooping in,
0:06:25 > 0:06:27saving the day.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Shit. That is maybe the coolest thing I've ever heard.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31I know, right?
0:06:31 > 0:06:33I guess that kind of makes you my Boy Wonder.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35- What do you mean? - Well, I need you to sit in
0:06:35 > 0:06:37during the meetings today, take notes.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39I get to watch? Sweet!
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Could you send in Josh Selby?
0:06:43 > 0:06:44I should warn you, some people
0:06:44 > 0:06:48can find this stuff a bit upsetting, so...
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Is that popcorn?
0:06:51 > 0:06:55I missed breakfast. It's not just for the cinema any more, you know.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00OK, now we're going to try some guided breathing exercises,
0:07:00 > 0:07:05so we're going to breathe in... and then, breathe out.
0:07:05 > 0:07:06Thanks for coming with me, dude.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08I usually have to be paired up with the instructor.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10She's a nightmare.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13I would've just been sat at home watching bloopers on YouTube.
0:07:13 > 0:07:14This is loads more fun.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Hey, check it out.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25Hello, I'm a vagina!
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Well, hello, vagina, I'm a butthole.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33- I think that's a vagina too? - Is it?
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Excuse me, those aren't toys.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38- Sorry, Miss.- My bad.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Thank you. Now, can we please focus?
0:07:43 > 0:07:46THEY GIGGLE
0:07:46 > 0:07:50Hey, come on, better get into Frog's Pose.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52OK, sure, how does it work?
0:07:52 > 0:07:57Well, my support partner - that's you - sits on the ball
0:07:57 > 0:08:00and then, I just sit on top, lean back...
0:08:00 > 0:08:04- and practice my pelvic tilts. - Right.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14- Those are some pretty good tilts. - Thanks.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Oh, hey, Dan,
0:08:23 > 0:08:27I don't know if this is just the pregnancy hormones,
0:08:27 > 0:08:31but I'm like absolutely ridiculously turned on right now, are you?
0:08:31 > 0:08:34I mean, I'm only 50% sure what hormones are, but I guess I...
0:08:50 > 0:08:53This isn't just the start of an exciting new chapter
0:08:53 > 0:08:56in your life, it's the start of a whole new book.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Could you send in Terry Bell?
0:08:59 > 0:09:01That was incredible!
0:09:01 > 0:09:05For a second I almost forgot you were taking away his livelihood.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07- How do you do that? - There's nothing to it.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10You just give it to them straight, tell them there's something better
0:09:10 > 0:09:12out there, even if we all know that's garbage.
0:09:12 > 0:09:16Terry, Terry, Terry. Take a seat.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21- My name's George and... - I don't care what your name is.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23I've heard the rumours. Am I being fired?
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Nobody's being fired.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28The company's simply going through a phase of restructuring
0:09:28 > 0:09:31and, as of this moment, you are surplus to requirements.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Unbelievable, 12 bloody years I've worked here!
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Now they're gonna toss me out like an old microwave.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38- I'm gonna sue. - Oh, come off it, Terry.
0:09:40 > 0:09:41Excuse me?
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Well, I mean, how do you really see this playing out?
0:09:44 > 0:09:46They're not gonna change their minds.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Besides, it's not like your life's a fairytale now, anyway.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52You're 58, do you really wanna die at your desk,
0:09:52 > 0:09:54cleaning crumbs out of your keyboard?
0:09:54 > 0:09:58Take the redundancy package and go and live your life,
0:09:58 > 0:10:01do up your garden, learn to cook, go sailing with your wife.
0:10:01 > 0:10:02I haven't got a wife.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06Then, go get a wife! You can finally do anything you want!
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Except, you know, work here.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13Come on, Terry, you know she's right.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21You're doing the right thing.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25Wow, French, that was a tad harsh, but...I'm impressed.
0:10:25 > 0:10:26How do you feel?
0:10:26 > 0:10:30Like someone just replaced all of my blood with fucking jet fuel.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Can we get him back so we can do it again?!
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Dan, I had, literally, the best day at work ever.
0:10:36 > 0:10:37George is a genius.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42Really? Yesterday you called him a Big-Apple bellend.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45That was before he let me watch him fire a bunch of losers from the office.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48It was incredible, like having a front-row seat at an execution,
0:10:48 > 0:10:50just waiting for that rope to drop.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52- That doesn't really sound great. - Trust me, it was amazing.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55He's got to clear out like three more branches this week
0:10:55 > 0:10:58and since I'm his right-hand man, I get to go with him!
0:10:58 > 0:10:59What is all this stuff?
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Oh, Holly's coming over in a bit and I'm cooking her dinner.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06Rice noodles, grapefruit, charcoal? What the hell are you making her?
0:11:06 > 0:11:09She's got loads of pregnancy cravings.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Yesterday, she took a bite out of a candle, it was adorable.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Wow, you're really going to a lot of effort for an old flame.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18Actually, I think me and Holly might be going out again.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21Dan, she's eight months pregnant with someone else's baby.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23That's like buying a second-hand tongue ring.
0:11:23 > 0:11:24You're asking for trouble.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Relax, Hannah, I've got it under control.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Now, could you please keep stirring this?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31I've gotta go buy some more mango shower gel.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37Hi, I'm George Harper. This is my associate, Hannah French.
0:11:37 > 0:11:38There should be a conference room
0:11:38 > 0:11:40and a plate of Yorkshire puddings waiting for us.
0:11:40 > 0:11:41Right this way, Mr Harper.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Look at these suckers, they've no idea they're about to get
0:11:44 > 0:11:46swept up in a tsunami of unemployment.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Hey, French, how would you like to take the lead on a couple of these meetings?
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Really? I get to do some firing?
0:11:52 > 0:11:56I saw you handle yourself yesterday, you're a natural!
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Wow, thanks! I promise I won't let you down, George.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Shit, my heart's racing.
0:12:01 > 0:12:05Is this what it's like to actually care about your job?
0:12:05 > 0:12:09Ben, Ben, Ben. Take a seat.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13OK, finish this sentence. You are being made...
0:12:13 > 0:12:15- Breakfast? - Close. Redundant.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Also, you've gotta leave your company car,
0:12:18 > 0:12:24but here is £3.68 for the bus.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27Hey, come on, you'll find another job.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29It'll probably just be at a worse company, for less money.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Get out, get the hell out of here!
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Thanks for coming in.
0:12:33 > 0:12:34And, that's lunch.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38And...stop.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41Andrew. I like that.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Come on, that's so boring.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46Look, I'll be honest with you, I'm still a big fan of Vlad.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48You really like the name Vlad?
0:12:48 > 0:12:51All right, fine, I'll add it to the list,
0:12:51 > 0:12:53but only so you stop suggesting it.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56I'm gonna go steal another glass of your sister's fancy orange juice.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00I was thinking maybe tomorrow we could find a costume
0:13:00 > 0:13:03for the baby's first Halloween. It's never too early, right?
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Fuck. Dan, will you get in here?
0:13:08 > 0:13:15- Dude, I think my waters just broke! - Shit. What do we do?
0:13:15 > 0:13:19I don't know, this wasn't meant to happen for another month!
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Oh, my God. I am not ready to have a fucking baby, Dan.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26I don't have a hospital bag! I haven't baby-proofed my flat!
0:13:26 > 0:13:30I haven't even picked a name. He's gonna be the baby with no name!
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Holly, everything's gonna be fine, OK? I'm right here.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35I'm gonna get you to that hospital,
0:13:35 > 0:13:38even if I have to track down an ambulance driver,
0:13:38 > 0:13:41cut off his face, assume his identity
0:13:41 > 0:13:44and drive you there myself.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47OK. Or maybe we could just call for one instead?
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Yeah, we can start with that.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52After a day like that, I feel I could fuck a whale.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Seriously, George, thank you so much for the opportunity.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57I've never had that much fun in my whole life.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59How did you get such a sweet job?
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Let me show you something.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07See that fat kid in the glasses, the one crying on the left?
0:14:07 > 0:14:08Oh, my God, is that you?!
0:14:08 > 0:14:11No, that's the kid I used to bully in junior high.
0:14:11 > 0:14:15I keep a picture of him in my wallet as a reminder to always stay on top.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17There are two types of people in this life,
0:14:17 > 0:14:20winners and... I don't give a fuck about the other guys.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25- Ugh, what the hell? - What's up?
0:14:25 > 0:14:28I asked for no vegetables. I'll just eat around them, it's OK.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Here's a life lesson, French. Never accept anything that's just OK.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35If you don't like something, change it. By any means necessary.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Watch and learn. Excuse me?
0:14:38 > 0:14:40- Is everything all right, sir? - No, it is not.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43My friend here asked for no vegetables,
0:14:43 > 0:14:45but for some reason you chose to ignore that.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47- I'm sorry, I'll fix that for you. - You will.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50You'll also give us these meals free of charge
0:14:50 > 0:14:52and a round of drinks, by way of an apology.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Uh, I don't think I can do that.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Hey, let's play a little game. It's called "What If?"
0:14:56 > 0:14:59What if my friend here were deathly allergic to vegetables
0:14:59 > 0:15:03and thanks to your shoddy customer service her life was at risk?
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Wait, this game needs four people to play.
0:15:06 > 0:15:11I know, I'll call that big, fat, fucking scary lawyer I keep on retainer and he can join us!
0:15:11 > 0:15:16Or you could just go get us those free drinks.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21I don't know if this is possible,
0:15:21 > 0:15:24but I think I might have just had a non-sexual orgasm.
0:15:31 > 0:15:32Doc, what's going on?
0:15:32 > 0:15:35We've been waiting for ages. It's not conjoined twins, is it?
0:15:35 > 0:15:37No, the baby's fine.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39In fact, it looks like this was a false alarm.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42I don't think you know how alarms work because my waters broke.
0:15:42 > 0:15:43Actually, that was urine.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47- What?- Sometimes at this stage in a pregnancy the baby
0:15:47 > 0:15:51can shift positions and squeeze the bladder,
0:15:51 > 0:15:52causing you to have an accident.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Whoa-ho-ho, I like this baby more every day!
0:15:55 > 0:15:58He's not even been born yet and he's already playing pranks.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Don't worry, it's quite common.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02I'm going to write these up and then we'll discharge you.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08- Oh, God, I feel like such a twat. - What, why?
0:16:08 > 0:16:12Dude, it's like babies are serious shit, you know?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14They're like ten seconds away from dying all the time.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18How bad am I going to be at looking after one when I can't even tell when I've pissed myself?
0:16:20 > 0:16:22I don't know what I would've done if you weren't there.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25But I was there and I'm here now.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28And unless something huge happens, like a zombie uprising or
0:16:28 > 0:16:32I get a day job, then I promise I'll be there again.
0:16:32 > 0:16:33You hear that, Baby?
0:16:33 > 0:16:35I've got your back.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38Mawnin', pardner.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Ready for another day's firings?
0:16:40 > 0:16:42- Pew, pew, pew... - Hannah, please take a seat.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44We need to talk...
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Why so serious, Georgie?
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Wait, are going to fire me?!
0:16:49 > 0:16:51What the fuck?!
0:16:51 > 0:16:53You Americans have no sense of loyalty.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56You're turning your back on me just like you did with Piers Morgan.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58There's that kooky British humour.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Come on, French, I'm not firing you. You're my guy, right?
0:17:01 > 0:17:03I'm your guy?
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Listen, a junior position has opened at the New York office
0:17:06 > 0:17:08and I think you have what it takes to fill it.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Now, you'd have to start immediately but...
0:17:10 > 0:17:13you want it, it's all yours. I know it's a big decision,
0:17:13 > 0:17:17- travelling across the globe, so take some time...- I'm in!
0:17:17 > 0:17:18You don't have to decide now.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21I am definitely in. Screw this country.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24How about I buy us up a couple of York-shire puddings to celebrate?
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Fantastic! Oh, and, French...
0:17:26 > 0:17:28what with all the redundancies going on here,
0:17:28 > 0:17:31might be best to be discreet while we sort out the details.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34- WHISPERS:- Oh, yeah, of course.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Excuse me, everybody?
0:17:38 > 0:17:40Gather round. Everyone.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Hi, gather round.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44So, I've worked here for three years now,
0:17:44 > 0:17:46but guess what, arseholes.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48That ends today,
0:17:48 > 0:17:51because Mama just got herself a kick-ass job in NYC!
0:17:51 > 0:17:54That's right, I am done with this shithole.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58I'd just like to say a quick and final fuck you
0:17:58 > 0:17:59to each and every one of you.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Fuck you. Fuck you.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Fuck you. Fuck you.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05You're just a temp, but fuck you.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Fuck you. Fuck you.
0:18:07 > 0:18:08Fuck you.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Fuck all of you.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19Hannah, you're going to want to sit down for this. I've got huge news.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23I've got huge news too! Let's say it at the same time.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25- I'm going to propose to Holly! - I'm moving to New York!
0:18:25 > 0:18:26- What?- What?
0:18:26 > 0:18:28George offered me a job in New York and I said yes.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31- Did you say you're proposing to Holly?- Yeah.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33I'm going to do the honourable thing and ask her to marry me.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Dan, aren't you forgetting something?
0:18:35 > 0:18:37It's not your baby.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Yeah, Holly's like the coolest girl in the world, Hannah.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43I mean, I'd probably want to marry her even if she wasn't pregnant.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45The fact that she is pregnant is just a bonus.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47She's like a Kinder Egg - the chocolate on the outside is great
0:18:47 > 0:18:50and there's an awesome little toy inside.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Well, good luck, I guess?
0:18:52 > 0:18:54I hope I can make it back for the wedding.
0:18:54 > 0:18:55Are you really going to New York?
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Yeah, my flight's, literally, booked for the end of this week.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00I can't wait to get out there, it's going to be so cool.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03I'm just going to be eating bagels and fucking Jewish guys.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07Look at us. I'm getting married, you're leaving the country - we're all grown-up.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10Yeah...I guess we are.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Oh...
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Right, I'm going to go try and find my lucky X-Men pants,
0:19:15 > 0:19:17so I have them for the proposal.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Cool, I'm going to go practice my New York accent.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Hey, for-ged-about-it.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24Soon-Yi, what's for breakfast?
0:19:30 > 0:19:31This is incredible.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34I've never been in business class.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Wow! They do an in-flight colonic.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Get used to it, French, your new life starts now.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Champagne, Madam?
0:19:41 > 0:19:44Oh, I don't mind if I do. Keep these coming, cupcake.
0:19:44 > 0:19:45Here you go, George.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Oh, no, I'm set, thanks. I've got these little babies.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50- What are they? - Military-grade sleeping pills.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53They're banned by the US Government, but I know a guy that works there.
0:19:53 > 0:19:57I can't say who, but let's just say he was the first black president.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Wow...
0:19:59 > 0:20:02See you on the other side, French.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06You've made it, French.
0:20:18 > 0:20:22Hi, you don't know me, sir, but my name is Dan French
0:20:22 > 0:20:24and I am in love with your daughter.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28I don't have a job and I was briefly in prison,
0:20:28 > 0:20:30but I really care about Holly.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33And I promise to take awesome care of her
0:20:33 > 0:20:36and the baby, which is why I've come to ask you for her hand in marriage.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38What do you say...
0:20:38 > 0:20:39Dad?
0:20:39 > 0:20:41I don't have a daughter.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45What? Wait, aren't you Holly Freeman's dad?
0:20:45 > 0:20:47You want Malcolm Freeman, fifth floor.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Oh, fuck.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Erm, look I'm on a bit of a tight schedule with this proposal stuff.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54I don't have time to make that whole speech again.
0:20:54 > 0:20:58If you see him could you tell him I'm marrying his daughter? Cheers.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Thank you.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12That's it.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14What's going on?
0:21:14 > 0:21:18I'm just moving them in here. They had a small issue with his seat.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20- What was the issue? - He was sick on it.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24By all means, stick him in here and let him see what it's like to throw up in more expensive seats.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27These were the only seats together. I'm sure you can understand.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Ugh, whatever.
0:21:29 > 0:21:30Could I get a refill on my champagne?
0:21:30 > 0:21:32My hands are a little bit full just now,
0:21:32 > 0:21:34but I'll get to you as soon as I get a chance.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36- Here we go.- Thank you.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41- RESPONDS TO GAME:- Yes!
0:21:47 > 0:21:50I'm so hungry.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Do you know, I might just order one of everything.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55How about you? Dan?
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Oh, yeah, it is pretty hot.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Are you OK, Dan? You've been acting weird all night.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02What?! I haven't been acting weird.
0:22:02 > 0:22:07Excuse me, could we get two glasses of the secret, special wine, please?
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Yeah.
0:22:09 > 0:22:10What's the secret special wine?
0:22:10 > 0:22:12You do know I can't drink, right?
0:22:12 > 0:22:14- Don't worry, it's not really wine. - What is it, then?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Bum, bum, bum, bum.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Bum, bum, bum, bum.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Bum, bum, bum.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Bum, bum, bum, bum.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Bum, bum, bum.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Bum, bum, bum.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33SHE CHUCKLES
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38# People killing, people dying
0:22:38 > 0:22:41# Children hurt and you hear them crying... #
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Holly Freeman, I've been in love with you since the first time
0:22:44 > 0:22:47we did each other's clown make-up in circus camp, all those years ago.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51I let you slip away once, but I am not going to make that mistake again.
0:22:51 > 0:22:55You are sweet and funny and amazing
0:22:55 > 0:22:57and I want to spend the rest of my life with you
0:22:57 > 0:23:00and that tiny little fella growing inside of you.
0:23:00 > 0:23:01So...
0:23:01 > 0:23:05# ..Where is the love? The love... #
0:23:05 > 0:23:08Holly, will you marry me?
0:23:08 > 0:23:10# ..The love
0:23:10 > 0:23:11# Where is the love?
0:23:11 > 0:23:14# The love, the love... #
0:23:14 > 0:23:17Oh, Dan, I'm so sorry.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23SINGING STOPS
0:23:28 > 0:23:31This isn't going to affect our Yelp review, is it?
0:23:34 > 0:23:36GAME PLAYS LOUDLY
0:23:39 > 0:23:41BUZZER SOUNDS
0:23:41 > 0:23:45What is it, Ma'am? I can't give you any more free slippers.
0:23:45 > 0:23:46No, it's that kid.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49He's making a racket and his mum's clearly checked out,
0:23:49 > 0:23:51so could you, please, take care of him?
0:23:51 > 0:23:54There's not a lot I can do, they paid for their seats.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Technically, they didn't pay for them.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58They were in economy and they managed to fuck that up.
0:23:58 > 0:24:02Look, I don't want to be dick, but I have a fast-paced, high-pressure
0:24:02 > 0:24:06job and I kind of expect a certain level of service to go with it.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Ma'am, I've got a lot to be getting on with.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11If you have a problem with the noise, I suggest you use
0:24:11 > 0:24:13the complimentary earplugs provided.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18SHE SIGHS
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Hey, you, what've you got there?
0:24:32 > 0:24:33- A game.- Cool.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Do you want to maybe play a different game?
0:24:36 > 0:24:38It's called, "What If?"
0:24:38 > 0:24:42- What if you ate this sweetie? - I don't want to.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44I'll go first, ready?
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Mmm, so fun.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49OK, now it's your turn!
0:24:49 > 0:24:50Just eat, eat it.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52- No.- Just eat it.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54CHILD PROTESTS
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Eat, eat...
0:24:56 > 0:24:58- What are you doing, Ma'am?- Er...
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Hi.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07DOOR BUZZER
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Holly!
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Come in...
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Can we talk?
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Maybe in private...
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Guys, can you give us a sec?
0:25:21 > 0:25:23ALL GROAN
0:25:32 > 0:25:37Listen, dude, I'm sorry I ditched you back there, but what the fuck?
0:25:37 > 0:25:38Why did you ask me to marry you?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40I thought it was the right thing to do!
0:25:40 > 0:25:43We get on so great and I thought I could help you with the baby.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45I mean, you don't want him to be born a...
0:25:45 > 0:25:47WHISPERS: ..bastard.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49That means a lot, dude,
0:25:49 > 0:25:52but we don't need to be married for you to give me a hand with stuff.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Really?
0:25:54 > 0:25:57Besides, you're the one that gave him his name.
0:25:57 > 0:25:58Shit, you're going to call him Vlad?!
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Middle name. I was thinking...
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Andrew Vlad Freeman.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Andrew Vlad Freeman? That's a fucking sweet name.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Yeah, well, he's going to be a shit-hot baby.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12Hey, do you want the clowns to come back and sing something?
0:26:12 > 0:26:14- They're still on the clock for 30 minutes.- Yeah.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Do you think they know any Elbow?
0:26:18 > 0:26:21- George!- OK, French, they're accusing you of some pretty heavy shit.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24If this is one of your kooky British jokes, then I don't get it.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27This isn't a joke. None of the things I've said have been jokes.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Then, why in God's name did you have a Chernobyl-sized meltdown?
0:26:30 > 0:26:31I was being assertive.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34It's like you said, never settle for just OK.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36I didn't mean drug a toddler!
0:26:36 > 0:26:38See! There's still so much for me to learn from you.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42Yeah, about that. I think we're going to have to put this whole job offer on ice.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46- Indefinitely.- What? Come on, I'm your guy.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48There's plenty of guys out there.
0:26:48 > 0:26:49It's been nice knowing you, French.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52George! George!
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Can you at least get me another champagne?
0:27:00 > 0:27:03- Hey, sis. How was your trip?- Trip?
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Dan, I was moving to America for good.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07How did you miss that?
0:27:07 > 0:27:09SHE SIGHS
0:27:09 > 0:27:12- Anyway, it's not happening any more.- What, how come?
0:27:12 > 0:27:17There was a minor incident on the plane, involving a toddler and some prescription pills.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20Long story short, they're agreeing to drop the charges,
0:27:20 > 0:27:23but I'm not allowed on US soil any more.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Well, if it makes you feel better, my big plans fell through too.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29Me and Holly aren't getting married any more.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32- Well, that's probably for the best.- Yeah.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35We talked about it and we decided we should just be friends
0:27:35 > 0:27:37and I'd help out with baby stuff every now and again.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40We're actually going to test drive some prams tomorrow,
0:27:40 > 0:27:42race them around and stuff - fancy joining?
0:27:42 > 0:27:45No, I'm going to go into the office and try to get my job back.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48I've got to admit, I kind of wish I hadn't told them all to fuck off,
0:27:48 > 0:27:51or spray-painted it onto the building.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53Well, I hope they take you back,
0:27:53 > 0:27:55because I really need to borrow some money.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58I owe a bunch of clowns like two grand.