0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains strong language and adult humour.
0:00:05 > 0:00:10# ..I really do try Really do try, really do try
0:00:10 > 0:00:13# There's a million things That I could change
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# If this is my life
0:00:17 > 0:00:19(DISTORTED) # This is my life This is my life
0:00:19 > 0:00:21# My, my, my, my... #
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Why?!
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Why would he fancy her and not me?
0:00:27 > 0:00:31This programme contains strong language and adult humour
0:00:32 > 0:00:35- I just don't know, Amber. - I do.
0:00:36 > 0:00:37Come on! Stop acting so pathetic!
0:00:37 > 0:00:39You wanted to dump him, remember?
0:00:39 > 0:00:42That was in another lifetime!
0:00:42 > 0:00:43It was two weeks ago.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Haven't you heard of feminism?
0:00:45 > 0:00:46Yeah, course I have.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48So what is it, then?
0:00:48 > 0:00:49It's in the olden days.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Is it something to do with Ginger Spice?
0:00:52 > 0:00:54# This is my life This is my life
0:00:54 > 0:00:57# This is my life. #
0:00:58 > 0:01:00WHISTLE BLOWS
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Did you see that?! On her bag?
0:01:02 > 0:01:05She's got a teddy key ring just like the one Brandon gave me!
0:01:05 > 0:01:06Oh, my God.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08What the fuck have you kept that for anyways?
0:01:08 > 0:01:09It's got my keys on it.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11He must have a supply!
0:01:11 > 0:01:12Forget Brandon.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16Do you think he IS 100% definitely going out with Charlie?
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Erm...
0:01:19 > 0:01:26# I was only 17 when we were chasing sparks
0:01:29 > 0:01:33# Followed your every move
0:01:33 > 0:01:37# Unsure right from the start
0:01:37 > 0:01:42- # I stumbled and I fell - Straight into your arms... #
0:01:42 > 0:01:44He was dry-humping her in the school library.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46I think we can safely say they're going out with each other.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Why is she in there?
0:01:49 > 0:01:50It don't make sense!
0:01:50 > 0:01:52The worse he treats me, the more I love him!
0:01:52 > 0:01:53Why don't we call today
0:01:53 > 0:01:56End Of Brandon Day, and then you'll get closure?
0:01:56 > 0:01:58She's not going to know what closure is, is she?!
0:01:58 > 0:01:59I do!
0:01:59 > 0:02:01It's the opposite of open, y'know?
0:02:01 > 0:02:02OK.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04We need to have a party.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Like, hold a special ceremony to say goodbye to Brandon.
0:02:07 > 0:02:08With drink?
0:02:08 > 0:02:10I don't want to say goodbye to Brandon.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Imagine Brandon's a big box of biscuits
0:02:12 > 0:02:14that you've stuffed your face with,
0:02:14 > 0:02:15but now you're full up
0:02:15 > 0:02:17and you want to put the lid on before you eat any more.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21So this party will help you put the lid on Brandon.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22But will there be drink?
0:02:22 > 0:02:27I think...if Brandon was a biscuit, he'd be a milk chocolate HobNob.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Cos I'm not coming if there ain't no drink.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33You're coming to the End Of Brandon party, aren't you, Saz?
0:02:34 > 0:02:35What's up?
0:02:35 > 0:02:38The glitter from those stupid fucking pompoms getting in my eyes.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Wait for us to get changed! I've got money for chips!
0:02:40 > 0:02:41I'm not in the mood.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Not in the mood for chips?
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Can I have her share of chips?
0:02:45 > 0:02:46As I'm upset.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Why does he treat me like this?
0:02:53 > 0:02:57He's on a journey of discovery to find himself, Amber.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Plus Charlie's got giant boobs.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Hello, love.
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Want a chip?
0:03:18 > 0:03:19Bit cold, though.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Go on, pop one in my mouth.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25- BEEPING - Dad, your phone.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Ooh, number withheld.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Oh, my God, Dad, what is this?!
0:03:30 > 0:03:32- Yes! - You've got a weird text.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Who's that from?
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Ah, it's probably Anna mucking about.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38- It doesn't really sound like Anna. - You don't realise what Anna's like.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41You know, when we're alone, she's a very physical lady.
0:03:41 > 0:03:42Ew!
0:03:42 > 0:03:44- Very. - Yeah, believe me, I've heard.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47"Faster! Slower! Faster! Slower!"
0:03:47 > 0:03:48She's like a bloody driving instructor.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Come on, come on, come on...yes!
0:03:51 > 0:03:52He's heard it too.
0:03:53 > 0:03:54BEEPING
0:03:56 > 0:03:58She can't even spell "fire".
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Oh, be quiet, I'm trying to concentrate!
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Jamie, Dad's getting sent sex texts
0:04:02 > 0:04:03- by some mental. - What?
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Oh, now you made me lose concentration!
0:04:05 > 0:04:06Argh!
0:04:06 > 0:04:08BEEPING
0:04:09 > 0:04:12No! No! Get off that! Off, off!
0:04:14 > 0:04:16BEEPING
0:04:16 > 0:04:18What does that say?
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- BOTH:- Would love to see your hose!
0:04:21 > 0:04:23DOOR CLOSES Well, maybe it's not Anna.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25What?
0:04:28 > 0:04:30BEEPING
0:04:30 > 0:04:33- Aren't you going to look at your text?- Yeah. Yeah.
0:04:34 > 0:04:35Who's it from?
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Well, it seem I have got an admirer. SNIGGERING
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Let me see.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45I've been getting... inappropriate texts...
0:04:45 > 0:04:46OK, OK.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48I thought it could have been you, at first.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51"Would love to slide down your fireman's pole"?
0:04:51 > 0:04:53- You thought- I- wrote that? - Yeah!
0:04:53 > 0:04:55No, of course not.
0:04:55 > 0:04:56Do you think I'm retarded?
0:04:56 > 0:04:59I realise now it wasn't from you.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Is this some mad woman you've met at work?
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Oh, come on. The only women I meet at work are either on fire
0:05:04 > 0:05:06or wrapped up in a blanket with their eyebrows singed off.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09No-one's ever asked for my number at work, ever.
0:05:09 > 0:05:10No. It's not all fires, though, is it?
0:05:10 > 0:05:11What about that hot woman at the gym
0:05:11 > 0:05:13who got a her foot stuck in the cross-trainer?
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Didn't you spend three hours trying to hold her hand?
0:05:15 > 0:05:18- Yeah, that's true. - Shut up, Viva.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20I was not holding her hand - I was cutting her out.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23What about all them school visits? You know, all them sexy teachers?
0:05:23 > 0:05:24LAUGHTER
0:05:24 > 0:05:25I would never do that!
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Rob, that's how you met me!
0:05:27 > 0:05:29LAUGHTER
0:05:34 > 0:05:36I done it, I done it! I got the key off the key ring!
0:05:36 > 0:05:39That's it. Now chuck it away.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Chuck it away? How will I get in my house
0:05:41 > 0:05:43- if I chuck my key away? - The key ring.
0:05:43 > 0:05:44The stupid teddy-bear key ring.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Keep the key and chuck the key ring away.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49I knew you meant that, really.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51I'm not an idiot.
0:05:51 > 0:05:52I'll race you to the pool.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Stop changing the subject!
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Anyways, we've got to get ready for the End Of Brandon party!
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Will Brandon be at the End Of Brandon party?
0:05:59 > 0:06:00PHONE BEEPS
0:06:04 > 0:06:05PHONE BEEPS
0:06:08 > 0:06:12I just think you're being violated, Rob, and I want it taken seriously.
0:06:12 > 0:06:13OK. We'll involve the police.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15PHONE VIBRATES
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Oh, no! Marie's babysitter's cancelled!
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Can't go out.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Well, I'll take you out, babe, if you want to go out.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27I really wanted a night out with Marie.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29We've been planning this for ages.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32I really wanted to see her now she's got her life back on track.
0:06:32 > 0:06:33- Jamie?- Mmm?
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Make Anna one of those smoothies she likes.
0:06:35 > 0:06:36Me? Why should I?
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Ha-ha.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- Hah.- Shut up, man.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44And you're baby-sitting at Marie's tonight.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47No! Not tonight, I'm seeing my friends tonight, I can't tonight.
0:06:47 > 0:06:48I am not baby-sitting!
0:06:52 > 0:06:54I'm baby-sitting.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07She doesn't normally wake up,
0:07:07 > 0:07:10but you can always give me a call if there's a problem.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12OK. Well, is it all right if I have my friends over,
0:07:12 > 0:07:13just to keep me company?
0:07:15 > 0:07:18I suppose that's OK, as long as they're girls.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Cos Jaden's got a bit of a funny thing about strange men.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23It's more like a major obsession.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25She thinks they're all going to kidnap her, doesn't she, Marie?
0:07:25 > 0:07:27That's weird. Wonder why.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Probably because when she was three, she WAS kidnapped.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32- What?- And it was her dad, who she'd never met.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34The bastard tried to take her to Saudi Arabia, didn't he, Marie?
0:07:34 > 0:07:36They caught him at Gatwick,
0:07:36 > 0:07:39but poor Jaden couldn't stop screaming for a week.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Permanently damaged her vocal cords, didn't she, Marie?
0:07:42 > 0:07:44And now the poor kid's got these nodules.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Sounds like she smokes 40 a day.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47And she's completely terrified
0:07:47 > 0:07:50that another man's going to turn up and say he's her daddy -
0:07:50 > 0:07:54completely bloody terrified, isn't she, Marie?
0:07:54 > 0:07:58And then on top of all that, Marie went a bit looney tunes for a while!
0:07:58 > 0:07:59Didn't you, babe?
0:07:59 > 0:08:01You know, the little OCD phase.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05But she's better now, she's just a total neat freak, so don't mess up.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07I'm not sure I feel like going out.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Oh, come on, Maz, you look like you could do with cheering up!
0:08:10 > 0:08:12- (DEEP VOICE)- Bye-bye, Mummy.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18Jesus, she's going to get the piss ripped out of her at school!
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Bye-bye, Jaden!
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Be good!
0:08:25 > 0:08:26I'm scared.
0:08:26 > 0:08:27Yeah, and me.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Come on, Jaden.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30Back to bed.
0:08:30 > 0:08:31Read you a story.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33I like stories.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Yeah, they're gone now, Holli, you can come.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40No, I did not check the cupboard for drinks!
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Yeah, I know.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Thought you might not want to come cos you were so upset earlier.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Don't really want to talk about it.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03OK.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05It's that fucking bitch Charlie and her fucking horrible friends.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07They were talking about me in the changing rooms.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09I could hear them cos they were in the cubicle next to me.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10I fucking hate her.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13All right, all right. Calm down, there's a four-year-old next door.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15They were laughing about me.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Calling me hairy.
0:09:17 > 0:09:18Hairy?
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Really? Cos...I've never noticed.
0:09:21 > 0:09:22In my mum and dad's religion,
0:09:22 > 0:09:25we're not supposed to cut our hair or shave.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27What, ever? That's a bit harsh.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28That's what I said to my dad!
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Just goes in one ear and out the other. He just won't listen.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34Yeah, well, maybe he can't hear - that turban is fucking enormous!
0:09:36 > 0:09:37CLEARS THROAT
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Seriously, though, Saz, you're not that hairy.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45You really don't think so?
0:09:45 > 0:09:47No, it's just...
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Charlie's a bitch. It's just a bit of fluff.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51So it's not noticeable?
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Well, I wouldn't exactly say not noticeable...
0:09:54 > 0:09:56KNOCK AT DOOR
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Don't break anything. Bitchcock's friend is mental,
0:10:07 > 0:10:08and I don't want to mess anything up.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Look what we got!
0:10:11 > 0:10:12Amber got some as well.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14- Lemon and ginger cordial? - Pomegranate juice?
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Fuck's sake, man.
0:10:17 > 0:10:18You said grab two bottles!
0:10:18 > 0:10:20And I got this.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23It's a pricing gun.
0:10:23 > 0:10:24Freeze!
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Is this stuff stolen?
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Oh, no. She got it with her gold credit card, didn't you, Hols?
0:10:30 > 0:10:32So did you get all your stuff for the End Of Brandon party?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Which bottle are you going to open? I really want a drink.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35Ip-dip-doo, doggie did a poo...
0:10:35 > 0:10:37I'll get the glasses.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40..chicken did a number one, out goes you.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42Saz is proper upset
0:10:42 > 0:10:45cos she heard Charlie and her mates bitching about her,
0:10:45 > 0:10:47calling her hairy.
0:10:47 > 0:10:48That's horrible.
0:10:48 > 0:10:49Horrible.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51She is really fucking hairy, though.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55How can Brandon fancy someone as horrible as Charlie?
0:10:55 > 0:10:56- Boobs?- Boobs.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57Oh, yeah.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Her boobs were never that big before.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01She's had a boob job, and I'm not even joking.
0:11:01 > 0:11:02They are quite big.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04I'm going to have a boob job.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07Whatever size she is, I'm going to go two up.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09GLASSES CLINK
0:11:10 > 0:11:13# I got this feeling on the summer day
0:11:13 > 0:11:15# When you were gone
0:11:15 > 0:11:17# I crashed my car into the bridge I watched, I let it burn
0:11:17 > 0:11:19# I threw your... #
0:11:19 > 0:11:20MUSIC STOPS SUDDENLY
0:11:20 > 0:11:24I think I might mix a bit of juice in with this.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27- Make a cocktail. - Yeah. I'll have that as well.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Oh, it's jokes at mine tonight.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Someone's been sending my dad really rude texts.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35- Number withheld. - That's disgusting!
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Your dad's well old!
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Yeah, Bitchcock went completely mental,
0:11:39 > 0:11:42like, her nostrils puffed up like sea creatures about to give birth.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46We should send him a few more texts, see if we can tip her over the edge.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Get her to have a breakdown and leave our school a dribbling wreck.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Yeah, that's a good idea.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52No, no, it's not - I'd have to live with that dribbling wreck.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Oh, come on, it'd be funny. What's his number?
0:11:54 > 0:11:56No, Saz!
0:11:56 > 0:11:57Tonight's about Amber.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04# I threw your shit into a bag And pushed it down the stairs
0:12:04 > 0:12:08# I crashed my car into the bridge I don't care
0:12:08 > 0:12:10# I love it... #
0:12:10 > 0:12:11Right, I think I'm ready.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13# I don't care... #
0:12:13 > 0:12:15To say goodbye to Brandon.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17# I don't care I love it... #
0:12:20 > 0:12:22- She's going to cry. - How do you know?
0:12:22 > 0:12:25Cos that's her basic reaction to anything.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27She cries when her pen runs out.
0:12:27 > 0:12:28Why are you looking so sad?
0:12:28 > 0:12:30This is a happy thing - you're moving on, remember?
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Closure.
0:12:32 > 0:12:33I know, but I miss him.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37I miss our cosy evenings in, me holding his beer
0:12:37 > 0:12:40while he played Call Of Duty for three hours.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43But he treated you like some sort of doormat sex slave.
0:12:43 > 0:12:44- I know! - Forget him.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47Some day, you're going to find someone really lovely
0:12:47 > 0:12:49who realises just how special you are.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51SHE LAUGHS
0:12:51 > 0:12:53So, let's go.
0:12:53 > 0:12:54First up.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00A Haribo heart what Brandon gave me in Year 10.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03It's sort of symbolic.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06- Of what? - Of him giving me his heart.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Now I'm throwing it away. Again, symbolic.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11This is too complex for me.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13- Shut up, Saz. - And now we all drink.
0:13:19 > 0:13:20What's next?
0:13:20 > 0:13:24The lumps of chewing gum what Brandon took out of his mouth
0:13:24 > 0:13:27and stuck under the bed when we was snogging.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29- You kept his old chewing gum? - It's got his DNA on.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Oh, what's this, a love letter? I've got to see this.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35What the fuck?!
0:13:35 > 0:13:37They're pubes I collected off the bed.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Extra-big drink for the pubes.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44What the hell have you kept all this stuff for?! It's proper disgusting!
0:13:44 > 0:13:45Should be incinerated.
0:13:45 > 0:13:46Anything else? Amber.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49The gold hoops what Brandon got me from Primark
0:13:49 > 0:13:52that makes my ears go all green and pussy.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Are you OK?
0:13:56 > 0:13:57Yeah.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00SHE CRIES
0:14:07 > 0:14:09I'm fine.
0:14:11 > 0:14:12And finally...
0:14:16 > 0:14:20MUSIC SWELLS
0:14:29 > 0:14:30My pen's run out!
0:14:32 > 0:14:34SHE WAILS
0:14:43 > 0:14:46- To the end of Brandon! - ALL: The end of Brandon!
0:14:48 > 0:14:50I still really hate Charlie, though.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Yeah, me too. Someone should bang her in the face.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56It's not only what she's done to you, it's what she's done to Saz.
0:14:56 > 0:14:57What do you mean?
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Calling you hairy and that!
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Why did you tell them?!
0:15:02 > 0:15:04I don't want everyone knowing I'm hairy!
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Everybody knows.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07Come on, it's obvious. Look at your arms!
0:15:07 > 0:15:09I don't think many people have noticed.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11No, they have.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Cos behind your back, everyone calls you names.
0:15:14 > 0:15:15Not us, of course!
0:15:15 > 0:15:17What names? Amber?
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Oh, my God, there are so many.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Just give me an idea.
0:15:21 > 0:15:26Well...tarantula, monkey, yak, woolly mammoth, yeti.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28- Rasputin. - Yeah, Rasputin, Rasta-legs,
0:15:28 > 0:15:31cave-woman, werewolf, bison.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33- Buffalo? - Bison.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35- Rainforest! - Yeah, rainforest!
0:15:35 > 0:15:41Er, Ugg-legs, super furry animal creature, Moshi Monster, troll.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43- Shag pile! - Shag pile. And...
0:15:43 > 0:15:44muff-legs.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47But see me?
0:15:47 > 0:15:51I'm different. I like to shave every day.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53But that's just me.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57I can't go on with my life another day being this hairy.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59I've got to shave!
0:15:59 > 0:16:00Right now!
0:16:00 > 0:16:01- (DEEP VOICE)- Viva!
0:16:01 > 0:16:03What was that?
0:16:03 > 0:16:05It's the little girl I'm looking after. She's got nodules.
0:16:06 > 0:16:07It's a long story.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11- You want me to help you shave? - Trust you...with a blade?
0:16:13 > 0:16:14Where are you going?
0:16:14 > 0:16:17I'm going to look in her bathroom, see if she's got any razors.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Want me to check the shed for a lawnmower?
0:16:19 > 0:16:20LAUGHTER
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Don't worry, it was just a dream, that's all.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26..bloody hell...
0:16:26 > 0:16:28..bloody lawnmower...
0:16:28 > 0:16:31And that's just Saz going to the loo.
0:16:31 > 0:16:32Being a big mental.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Do you want me to read you a furry story?
0:16:35 > 0:16:36Hairy story?
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Fairy story?
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Aw, no, don't worry, there's no strangers.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43It's just us, OK?
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Oh, my God, can you smell smoke?!
0:16:46 > 0:16:48JADEN SCREAMS
0:16:50 > 0:16:53VIVA WAILS
0:16:55 > 0:16:57Aww.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59I forgot to chuck my little teddy key ring.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Thought I'd give him a proper send-off. His eyes are melting now!
0:17:02 > 0:17:04- Amber, this stinks! - I'm going to send this
0:17:04 > 0:17:06to Brandon. Should I send it to everyone in my contact list?
0:17:06 > 0:17:09OK, tidy up time now, Amber.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Holli, who are you texting?
0:17:11 > 0:17:12I'm not texting.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Just...cleaning my phone.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16You WERE texting. Let me see.
0:17:18 > 0:17:19I knew it was you!
0:17:19 > 0:17:21It's not...! What?
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Texting my dad!
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Oh. That. Yeah.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27I was just doing what Saz said.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Remember she said to send more texts to your dad for a joke.
0:17:30 > 0:17:31To wind up Bitchcock.
0:17:31 > 0:17:32- So this was just a joke? - Mm-hm.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34"Wish I was riding your big red engine."
0:17:34 > 0:17:36- Mm-hm. - Stop stalking my dad!
0:17:36 > 0:17:39All right, I'll stop. Promise.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42Look, I know you have weird issues cos your dad's not around.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46But he's an elderly man of 45, Holli. It's disgusting!
0:17:49 > 0:17:53- VIVA:- 'Often I think to myself that Bitchcock is about the worst stepmum
0:17:53 > 0:17:55'I could possibly have.'
0:17:55 > 0:17:57CLEARS THROAT
0:17:57 > 0:17:59'But then I realise she's not.'
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Viva, get on with your homework.
0:18:03 > 0:18:04'I could have Holli!'
0:18:06 > 0:18:10"For guaranteed smooth-as-silk legs every time."
0:18:10 > 0:18:11It's one of them epi-things!
0:18:11 > 0:18:13My sister's got one.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16It rips the hair out by the roots and it really hurts.
0:18:18 > 0:18:19Probably not that bad.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21It IS bad!
0:18:21 > 0:18:22It's agony!
0:18:22 > 0:18:24My sister was screaming, "Get Mum!
0:18:24 > 0:18:26"Get Mum! I'm going to die!"
0:18:26 > 0:18:29And afterwards, there was blood pouring from the leg,
0:18:29 > 0:18:30and it got all infected.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33Right. Saz, maybe this isn't such a good idea.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37And plus, I think you might need something a bit more...industrial.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41I don't care if it hurts. I'm tough.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44And if I don't do this now, I might never feel brave enough again.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47And I want you three with me.
0:18:47 > 0:18:48Oh, that's sweet.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51Come on, then. I'll plug it in.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55OK.
0:18:55 > 0:18:56Done it.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Fuck's sake!
0:19:01 > 0:19:02You're like a panther!
0:19:02 > 0:19:03OK!
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Here we go.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Aaaaargh!
0:19:11 > 0:19:14BANG THEN SCREAMING
0:19:14 > 0:19:15Shut up, Amber.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18- Jaden's next door. - It weren't me.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20It's probably just a fuse.
0:19:20 > 0:19:21What are we going to do?
0:19:21 > 0:19:23- Shall I ring Brandon? - No.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25I'll find the fuse box and I'll flip it back on.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27I've done it for my nan loads of times.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33Who's got the drink?
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Amber, pass it.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39'Why is it I always have to be the responsible one
0:19:39 > 0:19:41'while my mates sit around getting pissed?'
0:19:41 > 0:19:43CHEERING
0:19:48 > 0:19:49MUSIC PLAYS
0:19:56 > 0:19:58MUSIC AND CHATTER
0:19:58 > 0:20:01- You dropped a glass! - Oh, my God!
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Shut up! I'm in so much trouble cos of you lot!
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Ssh, Viva! Don't wake Jaden!
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Amber, bucket of water.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Two buckets if possible. Holli, get the cleaning rags.
0:20:11 > 0:20:12Saz, put the epilator away.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15MUSIC: "Hello" by Martin Solveig ft Dragonette
0:20:15 > 0:20:16Oh, I love this one!
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Come on, Hols, I'll teach you some moves.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24- What about the cleaning? - Are you lot not going to help me?
0:20:30 > 0:20:33SMASHING
0:20:33 > 0:20:34I cannot do this on my own!
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Don't worry!
0:20:37 > 0:20:38I'll help you!
0:20:38 > 0:20:40- Really? - Yeah!
0:20:43 > 0:20:47# Hello Oh-oh-oh oh
0:20:47 > 0:20:49# Oh, it's all right I'm getting busy
0:20:49 > 0:20:51# Just enjoy the party
0:20:51 > 0:20:53# It's OK with me
0:20:53 > 0:20:54# If you don't have that much to say, hey
0:20:54 > 0:20:56# Kinda like this game
0:20:56 > 0:21:00# But there's something you should know
0:21:00 > 0:21:03# I just came to say hello... #
0:21:06 > 0:21:08I feel a bit sick...I think.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10You're not going to be sick. It's just the panic, babe,
0:21:10 > 0:21:12I promise, you'll be fine. Do not be sick!
0:21:15 > 0:21:17RETCHING
0:21:17 > 0:21:21When other people are sick, it makes me be sick.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Made it.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27- Where's the toilet? - First door on...
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Hang on, where did you just puke, then?
0:21:30 > 0:21:31Where's Holli?
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Look what I found!
0:21:33 > 0:21:35SAZ SCREAMS
0:21:35 > 0:21:37AMBER LAUGHS
0:21:37 > 0:21:39No, this is not happening.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42Oh, yes. It's happening.
0:21:42 > 0:21:43Put it back!
0:21:43 > 0:21:45That thing has been up a stranger's vagina.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Or even...the other place.
0:21:48 > 0:21:49How can you even touch it?
0:21:49 > 0:21:51She's got a right treasure trove in there.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53She must be well dirty.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Boing! Boing!
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Boing!
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Put the dildo away, Holli, and this is the most important part...
0:21:59 > 0:22:01wash your hands!
0:22:03 > 0:22:04KNOCK AT DOOR
0:22:04 > 0:22:08Oh, that'll be Brandon! I rang him when the lights went out.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11We've just had an End Of Brandon party!
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Hey, baby.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16- Hi, Brandon. - Get rid of him.
0:22:16 > 0:22:17You can't come in.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19There's a pile of pink sick on the doorstep.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Oh, I know. Saz done it.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24You girls having a party? Should I bring the crew round?
0:22:24 > 0:22:26No! Your guys can't come here!
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Oh, my God, you're treading sick into the carpet.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Oh, man, these trainers are new!
0:22:31 > 0:22:33That stain better come out.
0:22:33 > 0:22:34And what's in that, anyway?
0:22:34 > 0:22:36This is why you girls shouldn't drink.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Can't handle your liquor.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40If girls didn't drink, you'd still be a virgin.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Ooh, cuss.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Did I just see...?
0:22:49 > 0:22:51What's going on here, man?
0:22:51 > 0:22:53This seems like a party I did not want to miss.
0:22:53 > 0:22:54Sorry, V.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56I need to get going. My dad rang up.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Don't worry about the cleaning. You're doing a great job.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Can we meet later in the week to finish shaving you?
0:23:02 > 0:23:04You've been shaving each other?
0:23:04 > 0:23:05Just get rid of him!
0:23:06 > 0:23:08What the fuck?
0:23:10 > 0:23:12I'm sorry!
0:23:12 > 0:23:13I got upset when I saw you gave Charlie
0:23:13 > 0:23:15the same teddy as you gave me!
0:23:15 > 0:23:16Wait, wait, what?
0:23:16 > 0:23:20That's not what happened - I didn't even give Charlie a teddy!
0:23:20 > 0:23:21That teddy was special for you.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23But Charlie's got the same one.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26You ever heard of something called a coincidence?
0:23:26 > 0:23:27Cos that's what we're dealing with here.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29A coincidence?
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Like how I like ribs and how you like ribs?
0:23:32 > 0:23:33Yeah.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Look...are we straight? Cos I don't really like
0:23:36 > 0:23:38the way you've been slandering my name around
0:23:38 > 0:23:42for double-dealing teddies, when that's not even what happened.
0:23:42 > 0:23:43I'm sorry, Brandon.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46I didn't realise Charlie's boobs were so enormous!
0:23:46 > 0:23:48I can't believe I never noticed before, and when I saw them,
0:23:48 > 0:23:51I felt this jealousy stabbing me in the guts!
0:23:51 > 0:23:53And in my boobs.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55True, she does have pretty hefty ones right now.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Right now?
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Has she had a boob job?
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Look, I'm going to be straight with you.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Charlie's going to be a mama,
0:24:03 > 0:24:05and that's what's occurring with her boobs.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07They're filling up with milk for the baby.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10I know it's complicated, but she's saying,
0:24:10 > 0:24:13and I'm not necessarily saying that I agree with this,
0:24:13 > 0:24:16but she's saying that I'm the daddy.
0:24:16 > 0:24:17What?
0:24:17 > 0:24:18I'm the daddy?
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Me?
0:24:20 > 0:24:22I'm the daddy.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25SCREECHING
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Get out! Just get out! Out! Out!
0:24:28 > 0:24:30And you too, out.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41CHATTING AND KEYS JANGLING
0:24:41 > 0:24:43LAUGHTER
0:24:44 > 0:24:45Hiya!
0:24:45 > 0:24:47How was everything?
0:24:47 > 0:24:49- Any problems? - No! No problems.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Jaden was OK, then?
0:24:51 > 0:24:52Yeah, well, she woke once or twice
0:24:52 > 0:24:55cos she had a nightmare about her dad.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Yeah, obviously she thought it was very real,
0:24:58 > 0:25:01but it wasn't real, obviously.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Cos it's a nightmare.
0:25:03 > 0:25:04Oh, no.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06But she's fine now?
0:25:06 > 0:25:07Yeah, think so.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11(WHIMPERS) Normally I put...like this.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14And cushions must be in groups of three.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19And you've been burning my candles different lengths - that's not good.
0:25:19 > 0:25:23And you have mixed up my fruit!
0:25:23 > 0:25:26And what has happened to my woodland creatures?!
0:25:26 > 0:25:29There should be three owls pointing to three squirrels
0:25:29 > 0:25:34with three deer playing behind the room-freshener device!
0:25:34 > 0:25:37I'm sure there's no real damage done, Mazza.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39We just did homework, really.
0:25:39 > 0:25:40Thanks, Viva.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Good job. We should go home.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59- DOOR OPENS - Oh, fuck, that was funny!
0:25:59 > 0:26:00What? What happened?
0:26:00 > 0:26:03Viva and her friends got out Marie's strap-on.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05It was lying under a cushion, and Marie sat on it. Her face!
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Marie's got a strap-on? Why?
0:26:07 > 0:26:09Oh, you're sweet.
0:26:09 > 0:26:10That was the funniest thing I've seen
0:26:10 > 0:26:13since my sister's fiance dumped her at their engagement party.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Anna doesn't get on with her sister.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Oh, poor Marie, she was so pissed.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20She kicked off the evening with three cocktails,
0:26:20 > 0:26:21followed by three wines,
0:26:21 > 0:26:23and then three whiskies...
0:26:23 > 0:26:25And three strap-ons and then three...
0:26:25 > 0:26:26Shut up, Dad!
0:26:26 > 0:26:27You're embarrassing yourself.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29Mm.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31So have you had any more of those pervy texts?
0:26:31 > 0:26:32No. Nothing.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34So you're not going to call the police about it, then?
0:26:34 > 0:26:35I think it's over.
0:26:36 > 0:26:40'Knowing Holli, I doubt very much that it's over.'
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Who are you texting?
0:26:46 > 0:26:48No-one.
0:26:48 > 0:26:49PHONE BEEPS
0:26:51 > 0:26:53I can't wait for this.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Just get on with it.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59ALL: Three...
0:26:59 > 0:27:00two...one...
0:27:00 > 0:27:03SAZ SCREAMS
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Does it hurt?
0:27:06 > 0:27:08No! I'm screaming for something to do(!)
0:27:09 > 0:27:11Want me to do your tache?
0:27:11 > 0:27:12You cheeky bitch.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16OK. Do my tache.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20# People keep sayin' I'm doin' it wrong... #
0:27:20 > 0:27:21SAZ SCREAMS
0:27:21 > 0:27:23# ..But I say it feels all right
0:27:23 > 0:27:29# I really do try Really do try, really do try
0:27:29 > 0:27:32# There's a million things That I could change
0:27:32 > 0:27:34# But maybe it's all right
0:27:34 > 0:27:36# If this is my life
0:27:36 > 0:27:38# This is my life This is my life
0:27:38 > 0:27:40# People keep sayin' That I'm doin' it wrong
0:27:40 > 0:27:41# It's gonna be fine
0:27:41 > 0:27:43# People keep sayin' That I'm doin' it wrong
0:27:43 > 0:27:45# People keep sayin' That I'm doin' it wrong
0:27:45 > 0:27:46# It's gonna be fine
0:27:46 > 0:27:47# People keep saying... #