0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains strong language
0:00:07 > 0:00:09# I really do try # Really do try, really do try
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# There's a million things that I could change
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# But maybe it's all right
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# This is my life # This is my life
0:00:17 > 0:00:19# This is my life... #
0:00:21 > 0:00:23It's a proper let down!
0:00:23 > 0:00:25What is the point of Viva doing Tyler if she's not going to
0:00:25 > 0:00:27- tell us all the dirty details? - I know.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29We have no idea what his man-bits look like.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Not even a basic idea of length.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32Or a very detailed description.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Like you used to get off me when I was with Brandon.
0:00:35 > 0:00:36Yeah, you had pictures.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39Yeah. And a movie. And a PowerPoint presentation.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42I've got to ask myself, where's her loyalty at?
0:00:42 > 0:00:44Hey. I've having the lasagne.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46I wouldn't look so fucking happy about it.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49- Have you seen anyone hanging around my locker, Holli?- No.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Cos it's next to your locker, so I just thought you might have
0:00:52 > 0:00:54noticed something, like for example a guy, putting a folded-up
0:00:54 > 0:00:57piece of paper in the crack between the door and the frame?
0:00:57 > 0:00:58No.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03- Don't you want to know why I'm asking you?- No.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05I do. I'm excited.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08- A mystery guy sent me a note. - Saying?
0:01:08 > 0:01:10It's kind of private. He was too shy to sign it.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13- I don't think he'd want me reading it out to everyone.- OK.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19But basically it's just about how he thinks I'm really pretty,
0:01:19 > 0:01:21really, really pretty and lovely, and that's a quote,
0:01:21 > 0:01:24"Really, really pretty and lovely."
0:01:24 > 0:01:27"Really, really pretty and lovely."
0:01:27 > 0:01:28Aw, so romantic.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Yeah. And he says he wants to hold my hand.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Can I see the writing? Just to make sure it's not from Brandon.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36I don't think Brandon would say, "I want to hold your hand."
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Tits, maybe.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Probably true. Especially this one. This was Ant.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43He liked Dec as well, but Ant was his favourite.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46You OK?
0:01:46 > 0:01:49I wish I could forget him. But I can't.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53He sits opposite me every morning in tutor group oozing sexy.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54Urgh.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58I can feel him oozing it right now across the canteen.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01It sort of oozes across the floor and tickles my toes
0:02:01 > 0:02:03and makes me look up.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Then when I see his eyes, it oozes out of his eyes
0:02:06 > 0:02:09and into my eyes and down to my heart.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12And then when it gets there, it just kind of...
0:02:12 > 0:02:14..squeezes.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18Shit, bastard, fuck! I'm supposed to see Mr Jefferies!
0:02:21 > 0:02:25Got you a hotdog. Come on, you know you want to.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26Holli, sit down.
0:02:28 > 0:02:33I've been reviewing your performance this term, Holli, and I'm
0:02:33 > 0:02:37pleased to say I've been getting some good feedback about you.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Are you sure that's my file? Holli Vavasour?
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Not Holli Wiggins or Holly Mason or Holly Killick?
0:02:42 > 0:02:43I know your name, Holli.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46It's been tattooed on my brain since your first day at this school.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Not many eleven year-olds that run a head-butting
0:02:48 > 0:02:50workshop on their first day.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53- I'm smarter than that now.- I always said to you, Holli, you're a bright spark.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55What did I say to you at the beginning of this term?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57- I don't know. Stop throwing potatoes? - No.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00- Bring back the school laptop that you nicked?- No.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Put down Tariq Iqbal, he's scared of heights?
0:03:02 > 0:03:05I don't know, Mr Jefferies, we've had so many little chats.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08If you focus, you can excel.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12And there's lots of evidence that you have done just that.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16Holli, with these levels, you've got a shot at college.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19College? Me? No fucking way!
0:03:19 > 0:03:23I'm serious. You are so close to a viable college application.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Can you say that again?
0:03:25 > 0:03:28You are so close to making a viable college application.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33- Nah, I'm going to work in a shop. - Holli, give yourself some options.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36I've got options. Pizza Hut, Poundland, Paddy Power.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39What we need are some extra-curricular activities to
0:03:39 > 0:03:42put on your college application form, other than your football.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Now, I've had a word with Miss Hitchcock
0:03:44 > 0:03:47and she's had an excellent idea.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49That didn't come out too good. Just say it again, sir.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55When I look at your face, I wish I was a poet,
0:03:55 > 0:03:57so I could put your beauty into words.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59I'm not that special.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Not thinking you're special is part of your specialness.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04- Shall we get chips? - You know, you're modest.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07You strive for excellence in your work, your face is perfection.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09You know, apart from your hair,
0:04:09 > 0:04:12I wouldn't change a single atom of your being.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Aw, Tyler... Hang on, what's wrong with my hair?
0:04:15 > 0:04:20Oh, no, it's fine, it's just, compared to the rest of you, it's...
0:04:21 > 0:04:23- ..it's not... - Not...?
0:04:23 > 0:04:29It's no big deal, but with long hair there's literally nothing you...
0:04:29 > 0:04:31we couldn't achieve.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34I like my hair, Tyler, I'm not getting a weave.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36That's cool.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Oh, great(!) It's Alli, Soz and the other one.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42- They're my friends. - I think I'll take off.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44I'll see you at my rugby game Wednesday.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Not really a fan of rugby. Weird ball.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50If we win, there's going to be a massive party Friday night.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03That boy is spicier than a Nando's Peri-Peri Platter with extra
0:05:03 > 0:05:05chilli and I ain't even joking.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08So, have you done it with him yet?
0:05:08 > 0:05:10I'm not going to go into all the intimate details
0:05:10 > 0:05:14about everything with everyone, but just so you quit bugging me, no.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Why not?! He's Tyler Blaine!
0:05:19 > 0:05:20Well, I just don't want to rush.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22So, what's the news? I feel like I've hardly...
0:05:22 > 0:05:25I've got news. I've got another note from my secret admirer.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27This one's an origami heart.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29And inside he's written out the entire lyrics of
0:05:29 > 0:05:31"Love Is A Losing Game" by Amy Winehouse.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34And he's drawn some kind of weird flowers and birds all over it.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37It's great, isn't it? A boy who knows origami
0:05:37 > 0:05:40and is an Amy Winehouse fan and draws birds and flowers and stuff!
0:05:42 > 0:05:44- Hmm, great. - Yeah.
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Why are you all being weird?
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- We're so not being weird, are we? - No.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55- You all think it's a girl, don't you?- Yes.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57I think it's a girl, cos now it all makes sense.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59What didn't make sense before about a boy liking me?
0:05:59 > 0:06:01A boy liking you.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03We could be wrong. Maybe it is a boy.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04Quite a girly boy, though.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Don't forget there's always been rumours going around that
0:06:07 > 0:06:09- you're gay.- That you started.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11- Before you started waxing your 'tache.- You're lucky.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14No-one fancies me - no boys, no girls. Even our goldfish
0:06:14 > 0:06:17swims to the other side of the tank when he sees me coming.
0:06:17 > 0:06:18I think Brandon still likes you.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22Yeah, but after what he did with my sister, I hate him.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Your mouth says one thing, but your eyes say something else.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Hey, Amber.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Fuck off, you two-timing pig!
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Come in.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03I'm not going to lie to you, Holli, this is not going to be
0:07:03 > 0:07:06an easy way to get extra-curriculum stuff on your college application.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07- It's not?- No.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09And basically, you're the only one who turned up,
0:07:09 > 0:07:12- so it's just you and me. - Writing a whole school magazine?
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Don't worry, we'll be right, we'll bulk it out with
0:07:14 > 0:07:17some poems and some pictures and some inspirational crap.
0:07:17 > 0:07:18So it doesn't matter if it's crap?
0:07:18 > 0:07:20As long as it's crap that the kids want to read.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23If I get this right, when I come back from maternity leave,
0:07:23 > 0:07:27I've got a shot at being not just the head of JK Rowling House,
0:07:27 > 0:07:30but the Deputy Head of the entire f-word school.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33First up, the name. Ideas, Holli?
0:07:33 > 0:07:35The Greenshoots Academy Magazine?
0:07:35 > 0:07:37No, that's shit, Holli.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39We want a cool name that appeals to the kids who read it.
0:07:39 > 0:07:40I've made a list.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43- Shout out when you hear one with a cool vibe.- OK.
0:07:43 > 0:07:44Sickage!
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Wham Bam Famalam!
0:07:50 > 0:07:52What's the Buzz, Cuz?
0:07:55 > 0:07:59Coolnerd Times. Wassup Weekly. Bros 'n' Hoes.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Randomzzz, but you know, zz, with a couple of z's at the end,
0:08:02 > 0:08:04maybe three.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Those names are all really shit.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08No, those are cool names, Holli!
0:08:10 > 0:08:14OK, OK, I'll pick a name. Moving on, contents.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Can I do a gossip column? Who's banging who?
0:08:16 > 0:08:19No, that is not in keeping with the school ethos.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23"Per ardua ad astra", whatever the fuck that means.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27This magazine needs to embody the school motto and the school mantra.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Come on, Holli, the school mantra, what is it?
0:08:30 > 0:08:32"Be 110 percent awesome."
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Always! "Be 110 percent awesome always!"
0:08:35 > 0:08:37It's a really shit mantra, Miss.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40I'm only like 70 percent awesome, even on a good day.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43That's given me an amazing idea for a personality quiz, Holli.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45"How many percent awesome are you?"
0:08:45 > 0:08:48This is great, Holli, brainstorming together like this.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50- Can I be an agony aunt, then? - Another great idea.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51I'm going to be "Dear Katie".
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Why "Dear Katie"? Why not like, "Hey Rihanna" or something?
0:08:54 > 0:08:57No, I want to be "Dear Katie". It's a classic, innit?
0:08:57 > 0:08:58Yeah, whatever.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00No-one's going to be dumb enough to write in with their own
0:09:00 > 0:09:02problems - you'll have to just make up the letters.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04But I've got no imagination.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Where am I going to get my ideas from?
0:09:08 > 0:09:10It's Morgan. You know, Morgan?
0:09:10 > 0:09:12The girl with all the weird make-up?
0:09:12 > 0:09:15She's the one sending me the notes.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17- Anyone got a pen? - I said it was a girl.
0:09:17 > 0:09:18"I said it was a girl!"
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Well, at least she's a really nice girl.
0:09:20 > 0:09:21"At least she's a really nice girl!"
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Maybe you should send her a note back.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25"Maybe you should send her a note back!"
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Why would I send her a note back? I'm not even gay.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Saz, why are you so angry with me?
0:09:30 > 0:09:31Well, it's fine for you.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33"I'm going out with Tyler Blaine, king of the school,
0:09:33 > 0:09:35"cos I'm perfect and he's perfect!"
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Actually, it's not all perfect with Tyler, not at all.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41All right, everyone just calm down and speak more slowly.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Saz is just upset because a lezzer fancies her.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46No, it's more than that, she's attacking me.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Sorry, Viva. I just don't know how to handle this.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51I shouldn't take it out on you.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Yes, when people get upset about stuff,
0:09:53 > 0:09:57they shouldn't take it out on other people.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Good tip.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01What are you writing on your arm, Holli?
0:10:01 > 0:10:02Nothing.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08What a great estate.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11You know, I'm loving the brutalist angularity of this place.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Yeah, well, bits of it are a bit shit, to be honest,
0:10:14 > 0:10:16but it's my home.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26- HE WHISPERS:- What's he doing here?
0:10:26 > 0:10:28- He's friends with my dad. - I don't like it.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31Well, he lives on Pot Noodles. Dad's just trying to educate him
0:10:31 > 0:10:32on proper nutrition.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Not cool with this at all.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Come on, Tyler, it's completely over between me and Rocky.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Hi, Dad, this is Tyler.
0:10:42 > 0:10:43Oh, my days.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46Hello, Tyler. Call me Rob.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Roberto, put it there, dude.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51You two know each other, of course.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55That's true. I'll never forget you getting lost on that trip to Calais
0:10:55 > 0:10:57and when we found you, you was crying your eyes out.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59You was all like, "Wah, wah, wah!"
0:10:59 > 0:11:02like a giant baby holding a baguette.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Really? I don't even remember.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08But I'll never forget you totally humiliating the school
0:11:08 > 0:11:12when that TV reporter was interviewing the Principal
0:11:12 > 0:11:17and you were writing the... the C word on the wall behind him.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Yeah, I remember that. I think that's still there.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24And I remember how you used to show everyone your penis.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27Yeah, I used to do that a lot. Why?
0:11:27 > 0:11:30I don't know. I guess it was just a weird little hobby.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32So, how you doing?
0:11:32 > 0:11:33Blud, I'm doing epic.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35My man Rob here is teaching me how to make a curry,
0:11:35 > 0:11:37so I'm just going to get back to chopping up this thing.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Rob, what do you call this bad boy?
0:11:39 > 0:11:40That's an onion, Rocky.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44The crazy world of vegetables. Who knew?
0:11:44 > 0:11:47I'm not much of a chef, but I'd be happy to help.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50- You could chop up this chilli if you like, Tyler.- Sure.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Check his ninja knife skills.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Anything else I can do?
0:12:01 > 0:12:04No, we're good.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Tyler, Viva tells me that you've been involved in raising funds
0:12:07 > 0:12:08for a school in Gambia.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Yes, I've spearheaded the whole fundraising initiative by myself.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15- Solo. Alone-o.- Wow!
0:12:15 > 0:12:18- I know. It's pretty amazing. - You should be proud of yourself.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Yeah, I think he's got that covered, Dad.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23And Tyler volunteers at the hospice.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25I'm all about giving back.
0:12:25 > 0:12:26Amen to that.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30What do you do for your community, Rocky?
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Apart from showing them my epic penis?
0:12:33 > 0:12:34I guess I don't do nothing.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38Rocky helps all the little kids with extra football coaching, don't you?
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Come on, you got them to...
0:12:40 > 0:12:42HE YAWNS
0:12:42 > 0:12:44I'm so tired.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46It was a late one at the hospice last night.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50Violet had me reading her Fifty Shades Of Grey deep into the night.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52She didn't want me to go.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54HE SCREAMS
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Argh, my eyeballs! Arrgh, my eyes, they're burning!
0:12:57 > 0:12:59They're burning! Arrrgh!
0:12:59 > 0:13:01My eyes are melting, my eyeballs!
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Tyler, what's happening? Jamie, stop filming him, he's hurt!
0:13:04 > 0:13:07He didn't wash his hands after cutting the chillies.
0:13:07 > 0:13:08It'll wear off in a minute.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10HE MOANS
0:13:10 > 0:13:11My eyes are dying.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Someone get him a baguette.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15It's like Calais all over again.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29So now Tyler has forbidden me from seeing Rocky
0:13:29 > 0:13:32and he's saying he wants Rocky banned from the house.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35He's proper laying down the law.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37- Sexy. I like a hard man. - So he can dominate you?
0:13:37 > 0:13:38No, so I can break him.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40It's just not fair on Rocky.
0:13:40 > 0:13:41He and Dad are mates now.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Dad's teaching him how to cook.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45They haven't even started potatoes yet.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47So your problem is your new boyfriend
0:13:47 > 0:13:49is jealous of your old boyfriend.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Well, I don't want to hurt Rocky, obviously,
0:13:51 > 0:13:54but I should be loyal to Tyler because he's my boy.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56But Tyler keeps saying stuff about wanting me to get a weave,
0:13:56 > 0:14:00- and I don't like boys getting involved with how I do my hair. - How do you spell "involved"?
0:14:00 > 0:14:04Rocky looked so cute at my place last night in his little apron.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07I'm getting an interesting vibe. You still horny for Rocky?
0:14:07 > 0:14:09She's right. You ain't over Rocky.
0:14:09 > 0:14:10Oh, yes, I am.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12ALL: Oh, no, you're not.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Shut up! Stop doing that. I'm over Rocky.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16And how are you feeling about Morgan today, Saz?
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Still very confused and looking for answers?
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Yeah. Morgan's wearing a really cool jacket today.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Right. So you think you might feel a little bit attracted to her?
0:14:25 > 0:14:28- No.- That's not necessarily what I'm hearing, Saz.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30You're turning into a really good listener, Holli. It's nice.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33I'm here for any friends who want to share their problems with me.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37There's Brandon. I really hate him, but tell me if he looks over.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41No, he's very busy trying to stuff a whole Wagon Wheel in his mouth.
0:14:41 > 0:14:42SHE CHUCKLES
0:14:42 > 0:14:44He's so funny and clever.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Did I ever tell you about cone kiss?
0:14:46 > 0:14:49It's a kiss me and Brandon invented when we was 13.
0:14:49 > 0:14:50You can't invent kissing.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Well, I used to have this thing where I wouldn't say goodbye to Brandon
0:14:53 > 0:14:56without kissing him all over every centimetre of his face.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Cone kiss was a way of doing that, but with one kiss.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01So I'd put my hands like this...
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Then, I'd kiss like this.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05And then do this.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07And that would spread one kiss everywhere.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Then later, we just starting properly doing it
0:15:09 > 0:15:11and forgot about cone kiss.
0:15:11 > 0:15:12That is so cute.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Viva, there's a germ orgy happening right now on your face.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Do you want one of my anti-bacterial wipes?
0:15:17 > 0:15:20I've got to do some thinking and writing.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22I mean, go toilet. I need to go toilet.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25See you later, after I've gone toilet.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30'What's the big surprise then?'
0:15:30 > 0:15:32So remember we've been having some thoughts about your hair?
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Well, you have.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37You're cute, but different hair could take you to another level.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Take a look.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45I'm confused. I don't want long hair.
0:15:45 > 0:15:46There's more.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51BOTH: Hey, Tyler.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Hi, Tyler Blaine. Great result yesterday.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Thanks, Hitchy. Big celebration planned.
0:15:56 > 0:15:57We won our match yesterday too.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Yeah, and Miss Bitchcock was really pleased with us, weren't you?
0:16:00 > 0:16:03- You were shit, they were shitter. Good result.- Thanks(!)
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Anna wrote up a little match report and put it on the new school webzine.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08First edition online now. Chick it.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Chick it?
0:16:10 > 0:16:11She's saying "Check it".
0:16:11 > 0:16:15- We will, Miss. What's it called? - Chick It! That's what it's called.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18It's a great name that appeals to young people.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21I'd just like to say that you are rocking that baby bump.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23THEY CHUCKLE
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Ah, thanks, Tyler Blaine.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Suck up much, Tyler?
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Er, I'm Head Boy, Taz, I don't need to suck up to Hitchy.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Come on, Amber. Let's work on your textiles project.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Bye, Tyler.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44Anyway, huge massive party happening at Sam's this Friday,
0:16:44 > 0:16:45celebrate the rugby team.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Well, can my friends come?
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Are they friends, Viva?
0:16:49 > 0:16:50Or just hangers-on?
0:16:50 > 0:16:53And he really wants you three to come too.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54Woo!
0:16:54 > 0:16:57I heard it's just a big open-house party.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Maybe Brandon will be there.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02I'm thinking maybe it's time I do the mature thing and forgive him.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04I mean, it's not his fault he's a two-timing pig
0:17:04 > 0:17:06who slept with my sister.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Amber! It is his fault.
0:17:08 > 0:17:09Maybe I should forgive him.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12I know for a fact that Morgan is going to that party.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14What? How do you know?
0:17:14 > 0:17:15- Got another note.- Woohoo!
0:17:15 > 0:17:18This time, she's signed it and she says if I'm interested in her,
0:17:18 > 0:17:20I should talk to her at the party.
0:17:20 > 0:17:21THEY ALL SHOUT
0:17:24 > 0:17:25There's a poem called Autumn.
0:17:25 > 0:17:30"Dead leaves flutter down Like wishes that don't come true
0:17:30 > 0:17:32"Like my wish to own A Nike Blazer shoe
0:17:32 > 0:17:34"Or preferably two."
0:17:35 > 0:17:36Not bad.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Oh, a problem page. "Dear Katie..."
0:17:38 > 0:17:40I love problem pages.
0:17:40 > 0:17:41"A gay girl is in love with me.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44"I'm not a lezzer and I don't know what to do.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47"Love from Worried Straight Girl."
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Did you write in, Saz?
0:17:49 > 0:17:51No! I don't use words like lezzer.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53But apart from that, it sounds exactly like you.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Yeah, well, it's not me.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57What does Auntie Katie advise Saz, I mean...you...
0:17:57 > 0:17:59I mean, Worried Straight Girl to do?
0:17:59 > 0:18:04"Dear WSG, I think we should all grab any opportunities that come our way,
0:18:04 > 0:18:09"YOLO, LOL, so if I was you, I would give it a whirl,
0:18:09 > 0:18:12"being gay, I mean, cos it don't sound like you get a lot of straight action.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15"LOL. Let me know how you get on.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16"Katie, XO."
0:18:16 > 0:18:21Well, I mean, I can't just decide to be gay, can I?
0:18:21 > 0:18:24I mean, people who aren't gay don't just, do they?
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Oh, she's really pretty! Oh, my God!
0:18:28 > 0:18:29I'm more confused than ever.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Pretty good advice from Auntie Katie.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34- You weren't expecting that, were you?- Who is Auntie Katie?
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Dunno. It's probably some old counsellor bitch, innit.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39There's more.
0:18:39 > 0:18:44"Dear Katie, I am a girl who went out with a boy called Randy,
0:18:44 > 0:18:46"but he banged my cousin and I can't forgive him.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48"Lots of love, Bambi."
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Ooh!
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Bambi's problem is just like my problem!
0:18:53 > 0:18:55What's Auntie Katie's advice?
0:18:55 > 0:18:58"Dear Bambi, my heart goes out to you, Bambi,
0:18:58 > 0:19:00"cos it sounds like you've got yourself mixed up
0:19:00 > 0:19:03"with a proper testicle. LOL.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05"I would strongly advise you give this kid a wide berth.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08"He is a testicle and you are worth more than that.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11"LOL. Let me know how you get on, Katie.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- "XO."- Aw.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17I'd only just made my mind up to forgive Brandon,
0:19:17 > 0:19:19then Katie tells Bambi to ignore Randy.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Make up your own mind, Amber.
0:19:21 > 0:19:25Imagine Morgan's boobs squishing against my boobs.
0:19:25 > 0:19:26Do we have to?
0:19:32 > 0:19:33Hey, what's up?
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Are you going to that party tonight?
0:19:41 > 0:19:42Do you want to go with me?
0:19:43 > 0:19:46So I watched Black Swan last night to get me in the mood.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Have you seen it? I did feel slightly turned on.
0:19:49 > 0:19:50What do you think that means?
0:19:50 > 0:19:52You're a dirty ho.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Do I take the gay plunge? I don't know.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57One minute I'm no, one minute I'm yes.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Then no, then I'm yes, then I'm no, then yes.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01You don't have to decide now.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03- Then I'm no.- Hi!- Then I'm yes.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05And then, ten minutes later, I'm no.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Ten minutes later, I'm yes, and then I...
0:20:07 > 0:20:08Argh!
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Are you OK?
0:20:10 > 0:20:13I really banged my head! It really hurts!
0:20:13 > 0:20:16It's just my luck when I want to look all hot at the party later.
0:20:16 > 0:20:17Does it show?
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Aw!
0:20:22 > 0:20:24I've got to do something about this lump.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26It's killing my look.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Where the fuck is Amber? I want a drink now.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Just had a text from her.
0:20:31 > 0:20:32She's not coming.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35That's weird, she normally loves parties.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37MUSIC PLAYS
0:20:37 > 0:20:39GIRL CRIES
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Look, your mum said I could come up...
0:20:49 > 0:20:52..cos I thought maybe we could go to the party.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56But it seems you're kind of busy crying and shit.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00I, I, I, I, I...
0:21:00 > 0:21:01What's...what's wrong?
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Is this about what happened with your sister,
0:21:03 > 0:21:06cos it was a one-off, well, two-off max,
0:21:06 > 0:21:08but they were in the space of half an hour,
0:21:08 > 0:21:09so it was kind of one, one and a half?
0:21:09 > 0:21:11It's not that.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14I forgot to do my main piece of textiles coursework
0:21:14 > 0:21:16and I found out it's due in tomorrow,
0:21:16 > 0:21:20and if I don't present it tomorrow, I'm going to fail everything!
0:21:20 > 0:21:21- But can't you just...?- No!
0:21:21 > 0:21:25It's my big project and I've only done the mood board.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29And I'm going to fail textiles and it will be the end of everything!
0:21:29 > 0:21:33Look, come on, you're being a bit dramatic.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36I am not being dramatic! I'm going to fail!
0:21:37 > 0:21:40I should have known this would happen,
0:21:40 > 0:21:44cos when I took the How Awesome Are You? quiz in Chick It magazine,
0:21:44 > 0:21:48I only scored 22 percent.
0:21:48 > 0:21:53Oh, OK. Well, I'm going to go to that party now.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55SHE SOBS
0:21:55 > 0:21:57You want me to help you do the work?
0:22:00 > 0:22:01Can you sew?
0:22:01 > 0:22:03No.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06But you could do cutting out and you could do glueing.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10OK, we can do this. Get undressed!
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Get undressed?
0:22:13 > 0:22:16MUSIC PLAYS
0:22:27 > 0:22:29I'm going to dance.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31No, Saz, don't dance. I'm not being horrible,
0:22:31 > 0:22:34but when you dance, you look like a chicken having an asthma attack.
0:22:34 > 0:22:35Oh, I'm so nervous.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Oh, she looks good tonight.
0:22:38 > 0:22:43Just get it over with and go and talk to her while she's on her own.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Look, just, just watch the nips.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51I never thought Saz would do it,
0:22:51 > 0:22:53I was only joking when I said give it a whirl.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55What do you mean "you" were only joking?
0:22:55 > 0:22:58I mean, Auntie Katie was probably only joking.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00- But why?- Oh, I love this one. Let's dance.
0:23:02 > 0:23:03Hey, Morgan.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Hey.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07This is really awkward.
0:23:07 > 0:23:08Is it?
0:23:08 > 0:23:11I've never done anything like this before.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14I've kissed one boy and done some quite advanced groping,
0:23:14 > 0:23:16but apart from that, I'm pretty inexperienced
0:23:16 > 0:23:18when it comes to love and sex, etc.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21- Though me and my mates talk about it all the time.- Yeah, Saz...
0:23:21 > 0:23:24So anyway, you said in your notes to come and talk to you
0:23:24 > 0:23:26if I might be interested, and to be honest, I don't know.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29There's something really mysterious and beautiful about you.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32And I just thought maybe we could go to a movie or something,
0:23:32 > 0:23:34you know, take it slow?
0:23:34 > 0:23:37I don't think we should try to have full-on sex straight away,
0:23:37 > 0:23:39- unless you think that's the best way to...- Saz, stop.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41I didn't send those notes to you.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43They were supposed to be for Holli.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45- Isn't that Holli's locker?- Holli?
0:23:48 > 0:23:49You like Holli?!
0:23:49 > 0:23:53Yeah. I've been in love with Holli since the first day of school.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55I think it was her hip-hop workshop.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58- Is she still running them?- No.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00So do you think I've got a chance?
0:24:14 > 0:24:17Nearly finished. Just one last ribbon to sew on.
0:24:17 > 0:24:18MUSIC PLAYS
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Babe, our song.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Brandon, do you remember cone kiss?
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Yeah, course I do.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34To be honest, I prefer normal kissing.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41No! You sexed my sister.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43I can't forgive you.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46When I close my eyes, I see you doing it with her.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49It's really upsetting, especially when I try and go to sleep,
0:24:49 > 0:24:52because that's when I have to close my eyes.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57What's the matter? Have you lost your geometry set?
0:24:58 > 0:24:59Do you want a drink?
0:25:02 > 0:25:03Have a drink.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07What did she say?
0:25:07 > 0:25:09- SHE SOBS:- She, she doesn't...
0:25:09 > 0:25:13Was it your lump? Cos if she knocked you back because your face is deformed, that is just shallow.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16- It wasn't.- Do you want me to smack her for you?
0:25:16 > 0:25:17No.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20But I'd like a drink.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Jesus, those two are embarrassing.
0:25:34 > 0:25:35I know.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38No, Viva, it's not funny, it's serious.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40I'm ambitious and I'm not being arrogant,
0:25:40 > 0:25:44but I'm fucking amazing and I can't be associated with losers.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Well, you are being arrogant, actually.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48I know you do all this fundraising and everything,
0:25:48 > 0:25:50but you're really big-headed.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Do you think that's an appropriate way to speak to me?
0:25:52 > 0:25:55If my head's big, then there's a reason for that.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58You're Head Boy of a slightly shit school.
0:25:58 > 0:25:59I know it's going to be weird,
0:25:59 > 0:26:03but I'm going to have to put my foot down about Sash and Taz and Olly.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05You can't see them any more.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Don't be silly! Are you pissed?
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Come on, let's go upstairs and talk.
0:26:11 > 0:26:12We can get some alone time.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14No, I'm fine where I am.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16I've got the equipment.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20- THEY WHISPER:- I'm talking condoms. - I know.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23And I don't want to. I'm not ready.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25- I rushed into it a bit too quick with Rocky and...- What?
0:26:25 > 0:26:28You made love with Rocky?
0:26:28 > 0:26:31But you won't make love with me?
0:26:31 > 0:26:35I don't get this. No, can't process this!
0:26:35 > 0:26:38- You all right, babe? - She's fine. Back off, lumphead!
0:26:38 > 0:26:40He's had a lot to drink.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Do you want us to take you outside and help you be sick?
0:26:42 > 0:26:45No, I do not! Viva and I are leaving.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49- We're not.- And she won't be hanging with you guys any more.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51- I will.- And she's decided to get a weave.
0:26:51 > 0:26:52I'm not getting a weave!
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Look, Tyler, you're hot and you can fundraise and everything,
0:26:55 > 0:26:58but apart from that, you're a massive arsehole!
0:26:58 > 0:27:02You're a hot, fundraising arsehole!
0:27:02 > 0:27:03What?!
0:27:03 > 0:27:04So that means you're single.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10I'm here. Did I miss anything?
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Yeah, I won a competition to fit the most Pringles in my mouth.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15I fucking rule at that.
0:27:15 > 0:27:16And you missed Morgan telling me
0:27:16 > 0:27:20that she's been in love with Holli for the last six years.
0:27:20 > 0:27:21Me?!
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Yep, she definitely said Holli.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26And not Holli Wiggins, Holly Mason or Holly Killick?
0:27:26 > 0:27:27You.
0:27:27 > 0:27:31Six years? So it's me who's really, really pretty and lovely?
0:27:31 > 0:27:34- Yep.- Really, really pretty and lovely.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36- Shut up!- Six years?
0:27:36 > 0:27:40Just think, Justin Bieber was only 12 years old.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Harry Styles was only 12.
0:27:42 > 0:27:46Simon Bird, from the Inbetweeners, was only 23.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48I'm sorry, Saz. Why didn't you say anything?
0:27:48 > 0:27:51It's just massively humiliating.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54I really like Morgan and I was ready to proper give being gay a go.
0:27:54 > 0:27:58Aw, don't worry, Saz, I'll give it a go with you.
0:27:58 > 0:28:00# People keep saying That I'm doing it wrong
0:28:00 > 0:28:03# But I say it feels all right
0:28:03 > 0:28:09# I really do try Really do try, really do try
0:28:09 > 0:28:12# There's a million things That I could change
0:28:12 > 0:28:14# But maybe it's all right
0:28:14 > 0:28:18# Cos this is my life This is my life, this is my life
0:28:18 > 0:28:20# People keep saying That I'm doing it wrong
0:28:20 > 0:28:21# It's gonna be fine
0:28:21 > 0:28:23# People keep saying That I'm doing it wrong
0:28:23 > 0:28:25# People keep saying That I'm doing it wrong
0:28:25 > 0:28:27# It's gonna be fine
0:28:27 > 0:28:29# People keep saying That I'm doing it wrong. #