0:00:02 > 0:00:04# People keep saying That I'm doing it wrong
0:00:04 > 0:00:05# But I say it feels all right
0:00:05 > 0:00:09# I really do try Really do try, really do try
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# There's a million things That I could change
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# But maybe it's all right
0:00:15 > 0:00:19# Cos this is my life This if my life, this is my life... #
0:00:19 > 0:00:21OK, so we're playing Grove End today.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23It might be a friendly, but I still want you to go out there
0:00:23 > 0:00:25and break those little bitches' hearts.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28And ankles. Holli, why are you wearing three bras?
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Christ, you've got more coverage than Vodafone.
0:00:30 > 0:00:34- I always wear three bras on match day, Miss.- It's her little thing. - It's lucky.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37- Breasts that size, it's basic health and safety. - I'm wearing my special boots.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40They're two sizes too small and they make my toes proper bleed.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43- But they're lucky.- And Saz has just been for her lucky wee.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45She's got to do three wees, one in each cubicle.
0:00:45 > 0:00:46TOILET FLUSHES
0:00:46 > 0:00:48'Yeah, well, everyone's got a match-day thing.'
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Ria has to eat a Kit Kat just before we kick off,
0:00:50 > 0:00:52and so does Shannabelle. And so does Jade.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54- It's lucky.- I didn't know you girls were so superstitious.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57What about you, Viva, what's your little nutbag thing?
0:00:57 > 0:00:59- I don't have one. - Yeah, she doesn't have one.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02- She's too sensible.- Well, Viva, I think you'd better get one.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05The rest of the team are putting in 110%!
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Come on, girls, let's get warmed up.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11This programme contains strong language and adult humour.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25- That was amazing.- 9-0. Job done.
0:01:25 > 0:01:26That's the best I've ever played!
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Two hat tricks, Amber! What can I say?
0:01:28 > 0:01:31- No, Miss, I scored six. - Good girl, Amber.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Nice move when you smashed that number seven in the face with your cast.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36No, that was an accident, Miss.
0:01:36 > 0:01:37Course it was!
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Ha-ha! Oh, jeez, I need to sit down.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Are you all right? Is it the baby?
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Yes, she's kind of punching my cervix.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Which is what I wanted to talk about.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48- What, your cervix? - Maternity leave.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51This little muffin is nearly cooked and I need to go home
0:01:51 > 0:01:53and get some rest before she comes out of the oven,
0:01:53 > 0:01:56aka my vagina.
0:01:56 > 0:01:57But, before I do that,
0:01:57 > 0:02:01- I need to appoint a temporary coach for the West Mount game. - What about Mr Phillips?
0:02:01 > 0:02:03I've asked him, but he's meeting his birth mother
0:02:03 > 0:02:05for the first time that day and he doesn't want to postpone.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- I don't know what the big rush is, they've waited 30 years.- Miss Dennis?
0:02:08 > 0:02:12Miss Dennis?! She's gay and she fancies me.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15I don't want to owe her. Christ knows what that would involve.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18- One of us could do it. - Exactly. Who wants it?
0:02:19 > 0:02:21No, but who really wants it?
0:02:21 > 0:02:24Who wants it 110%?
0:02:24 > 0:02:25Who votes for Saz?
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Five out of seven. OK, Saz, you've won.
0:02:31 > 0:02:32You're the new coach, woo.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36I won? People voted for me? People really voted for me?!
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Looks like it. I don't know why, I'd have voted for Holli.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43This is wonderful, thanks so much for the opportunity,
0:02:43 > 0:02:44I won't let you down.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46She thinks she's on fucking X Factor.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48I'm so proud to be voted coach.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51And next week, I will lead us out to beat West Mount.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Oh, get real, Saz, that is not going to happen.
0:02:53 > 0:02:54West Mount are good.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57With respect, Miss Hitchcock, I'm the coach now
0:02:57 > 0:02:59and I believe Greenshoots Girls can win.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01This is work. We've got a job to do.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Let's do it!
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Thank you, thanks for voting, thank you very much.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07What the fuck did you vote Saz for?
0:03:07 > 0:03:09I didn't think anyone else would vote for Saz.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Why did them others vote for Saz?
0:03:11 > 0:03:14I think some of the girls think you're a bit too violent.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Too violent? Too violent?! On a football pitch?
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Is there such a thing as too violent?
0:03:25 > 0:03:29Yes, Holli, there is. You clearly head-butted their number three.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30So?
0:03:30 > 0:03:32As part of your goal celebration?
0:03:32 > 0:03:33That is my goal celebration.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Oh, Brandon's here.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Not that I care.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Oh, my God, he's coming over.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Not that I care.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50- SHE WHISPERS:- Do I look pretty?
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Not that we care.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Have you seen Junior? He's gone wandering again.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58Brandon's granddad is a bit... What's that word, Brandon?
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Annoying, incontinent... Annoying!
0:04:01 > 0:04:03I can't remember the word, but he's a bit...
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Are you trying to say he's senile?
0:04:06 > 0:04:07No, I think he's Jamaican.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11There's no fucking sugar, innit!
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Brandon's granddad likes eating sugar.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16Last night, he drank an entire tin of golden syrup when I went toilet.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18I bet your mum went mad.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21No, cos she wasn't there. She's on a cruise.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24- Where?- The fucking sea, where else? Says she needed a break.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Got it all booked up without even telling me.
0:04:26 > 0:04:27And that's not right.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31You don't just go off and leave your little child to fend for himself.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32Has anyone got any sugar?
0:04:32 > 0:04:34So, who's looking after you?
0:04:34 > 0:04:38I am! I'm looking after me and I'm looking after Junior.
0:04:38 > 0:04:42- All by yourself? - Yeah, all by myself. Alone.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Is this a proper fucking cafe or not?
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Why don't you let me help you look after the house
0:04:47 > 0:04:49- while your mum's away? - Can you?
0:04:49 > 0:04:50Fuck off!
0:04:52 > 0:04:54That's weird, there's sugar on the floor.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55It's kind of a trail.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Oh, my God, this is so Sherlock.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07- It's Junior! - Found him, case closed.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Elementary and I ain't even joking.
0:05:09 > 0:05:10I've got to go.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Amber, I need you.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20- He needs me! - Don't do all their cleaning!
0:05:20 > 0:05:21Don't do all their cooking!
0:05:21 > 0:05:23And don't do Brandon!
0:05:29 > 0:05:32I've been looking for you. What's that?
0:05:32 > 0:05:34- What? - I thought I saw my name.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Oh, that. It's my geography project.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39"The Physical Geography Of The Rocky Mountains."
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Yeah. Everyone has to do a project.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Is it cos you still love me? A little bit?
0:05:43 > 0:05:45No.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48I wanted to talk to you about that, actually.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- Cos now you've split up with Tyler, I thought...- No, Rocky, we're over.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53- So you're what, 90% sure of that? - No.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56- I'll settle for 95% sure. - No, Rocky.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Shake for 99, final offer.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01I'm a thousand per cent sure we're a thousand per cent over.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06OK. That's a lot of per cent.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08I'll leave you alone then, yeah?
0:06:08 > 0:06:10I'm sorry if I made it hard for you and Tyler,
0:06:10 > 0:06:14but it was difficult for me to see you with that chicken penis.
0:06:16 > 0:06:17Bye.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22That might be the last thing he ever says to me.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24God! Do chickens even have penises?
0:06:24 > 0:06:26WHISTLE BLOWS
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Thanks for coming, everyone. I know it's lunch, but...
0:06:29 > 0:06:32- Yes, Holli?- Shouldn't we be outside kicking a ball
0:06:32 > 0:06:33and not wasting our time in here?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Thank you, Holli, but I'll let you know when we're going outside,
0:06:36 > 0:06:38because I'm the coach.
0:06:38 > 0:06:39Sit down, Holli.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Holli, do we have a discipline problem?!
0:06:45 > 0:06:47- No.- No, Coach.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51- Yeah, like I'm going to call you "Coach".- OK.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54So Friday is supposed to be windy, so we'll start
0:06:54 > 0:06:58with my analysis of why wind is important and how it can help us.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01Then we'll move onto my windy weather game plan.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06So there we are. Any questions?
0:07:06 > 0:07:09I've got one. Who wishes they'd voted for me now?
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Jade, Shannabelle, Ria, Viva?
0:07:12 > 0:07:13I'm talking to you, bitches.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Do we really have to have all these strategies, Saz?
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Can't we just try to win? I'm really hungry.
0:07:18 > 0:07:23Amber, shit attitude. All of you, shit attitude!
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Except for Viva.
0:07:25 > 0:07:29Viva, I saw you taking notes, well done. Non-shit attitude!
0:07:29 > 0:07:33She's not even taking notes, Miss... I mean, Saz... I mean, Coach...
0:07:33 > 0:07:34Look!
0:07:36 > 0:07:37I knew you still liked Rocky.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40What? I don't still like Rocky.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43- Then why are you doodling his name then?- I don't know.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Maybe there's a time lag between my hand and my brain and my brain
0:07:46 > 0:07:49hasn't got round to telling my hand that I don't like him.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Your hand really needs to sit down with your brain for a chat then.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55And my face needs to sit down with some chips. Come on.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58OK, girls, see you after school for training.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Did it go well? Because I can't always tell.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09No, Saz, it didn't go well.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12Are you just joking that it didn't go well, cos I can't always tell?
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Yeah, yeah, yeah,
0:08:16 > 0:08:19I am just joking, but maybe you are taking it all a bit too seriously.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45I'm cold. What is this fuckery, Saz?
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Shut up, Holli!
0:08:47 > 0:08:51We're trying something different today, it's called visualisation.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Now, like I was saying, you've got the ball,
0:08:53 > 0:08:55you're running towards the goal.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57'It's an awesome run.
0:08:57 > 0:09:01'You see a chance, you choose your spot,
0:09:01 > 0:09:04'and, oh! You just scored the epicest goal ever.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10'A massive wave of joy surges through your body.'
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Greenshoots have won!
0:09:12 > 0:09:17'Your heart is bursting with pride and it's time to get your trophy.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20'It's gold and it feels amazing.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22'You're a winner!'
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Rocky?
0:09:27 > 0:09:28Rocky!
0:09:30 > 0:09:32This stuff is bullshit.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34How is this supposed to help us beat West Mount?
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Saz has lost it. Who's with me?
0:09:37 > 0:09:39- Holli, what are you whispering about?- Nothing.
0:09:39 > 0:09:40Come on, Holli.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43No time for chatting, unless you want a detention.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Maybe you all want a detention?
0:09:46 > 0:09:48WHO WANTS A DETENTION?!
0:09:48 > 0:09:49Fuck sake, calm your hype.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51You mean, "Calm your hype, Coach."
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Saz, I think you're getting a bit carried away.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Carried away? She's lost it.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Who votes for another vote for who's the coach?
0:09:57 > 0:09:58No, we're not doing that.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Why? Are you scared? Come on.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08I'm not sure I turned it round.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10I'm still feeling that hostile vibe, Viva.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12When I did the visualisation,
0:10:12 > 0:10:15I suddenly saw everyone holding a knife.
0:10:15 > 0:10:16Did you see anything weird?
0:10:16 > 0:10:19No! Not weird at all.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Wakey-wakey, Amber.
0:10:23 > 0:10:24Ten more minutes, Mum.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31OK, I'm going to cook us all a lovely dinner.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34Why don't we go upstairs? Junior won't even know.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37You know I'm just here to help you look after things while your mum's away?
0:10:37 > 0:10:40- Yeah, you can help me look after my penis.- No, that's not what I meant.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42- I know, but we can still... - Enjoy being together?
0:10:42 > 0:10:44- Yeah, and...- Watch telly together?
0:10:44 > 0:10:47- Yes, and...- Play that game? Pregnant ladies wrestling match?
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Oh!
0:10:56 > 0:11:00My baby's coming! My baby's coming!
0:11:00 > 0:11:04Yeah, that was a good game, but I was thinking more of that
0:11:04 > 0:11:07game where we, you know, fuck each other's brains out.
0:11:07 > 0:11:08Oh, Brandon.
0:11:11 > 0:11:12Thanks.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15OK, erm, now is not a good time, Junior.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Amber'll make you a nice cup of tea in a minute.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Typical. He never offers me a lolly.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22I've got to steal them when he's asleep.
0:11:22 > 0:11:23Maybe if you were nicer to him.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26I am nice. Just not as nice as you.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28I mean, you're the complete package, Amber.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32Your hair, your legs, the cute way you stick your tongue out
0:11:32 > 0:11:33when you're thinking.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36- You're just saying that, you don't really like that face.- No, I do.
0:11:36 > 0:11:41Stop complimenting me! I'm only here to make Spicy Sizzlin' Chicken.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44You can't just go around saying Spicy Sizzlin' Chicken
0:11:44 > 0:11:45and expect me not to get aroused.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47It makes you look real sexy.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Seriously, Brandon. Shut up or I'm leaving!
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Why do you keep saying this stuff? Why don't you listen to me?
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Cos I know you like me. And I know you want me.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57And you know I'm your boy.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Except you did it with my sister!
0:11:59 > 0:12:01What, you still remember that?
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Yes, I still remember, it was the worst moment of my life.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07And that's including when I realised my dog, Toggle, preferred my dad!
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Do you know what, this is quite frustrating.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11I've got a massive boner
0:12:11 > 0:12:13and now I'm going to have to run this thing off or something.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16I can't stay here with you feeling like this.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19OK, I'll make a start on dinner.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23I love to cook.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Spicy Sizzlin' Chicken.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36I made you a cup of tea.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Thank you, Amber. Has Brandon gone out?
0:12:39 > 0:12:43Yeah. He had to, er...go out.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46Tell me where he's hidden the golden syrup.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Oh, you're not supposed to.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52If you tell me, I can tell you stuff about Brandon,
0:12:52 > 0:12:57all kinds of stuff about who he gets up to.
0:12:57 > 0:12:58"Who"?
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Did you mean what he gets up to or did you mean who?
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Golden syrup.
0:13:18 > 0:13:19Junior.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Junior! JUNIOR!
0:13:28 > 0:13:31PHONE BUZZES
0:13:33 > 0:13:37Aw... Spicy Sizzlin' Chicken.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47- TELEVISION:- 'What 1976 film starring Sylvester Stallone
0:13:47 > 0:13:49'spawned five sequels?'
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Rocky! Rocky!
0:13:51 > 0:13:55It's Amber, she's baby sitting Junior. She thinks he's dead.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Tell her to put him in the recovery position and call an ambulance.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05It won't work, he's like spaghetti!
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Try slapping him in the face.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09No. He's really frail, she might hurt him.
0:14:11 > 0:14:12It's not working.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15It's not working. She's going to whack him with a cushion.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Tell her to call an ambulance before she kills him.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19It's not working!
0:14:19 > 0:14:21I'm going to try something else!
0:14:21 > 0:14:23She's waterboarding him with her Coke.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26It's not working.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28SHE SOBS
0:14:28 > 0:14:29It's not working.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31I really hope he's not dead.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38He's dead, Holli. He's dead.
0:14:38 > 0:14:39Dead, dead, dead.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Completely dead.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44I tried to save him, but I just couldn't!
0:14:44 > 0:14:45He's dead!
0:14:45 > 0:14:48I'm standing in a room with a dead man!
0:14:49 > 0:14:51SHE SCREAMS
0:15:05 > 0:15:06Rocky!
0:15:06 > 0:15:08He didn't see you.
0:15:08 > 0:15:09Rocky!
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Oh, my God, how humiliating. Sit down, Viva.
0:15:12 > 0:15:16He didn't see me. Doesn't matter. I don't even care.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Should I text him and tell him that he didn't see me?
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Why don't you just admit you still like him?
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Because I don't still like him.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25I don't know what you're laughing at, Amber.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28Brandon is completely using you and making you look a fool.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30No, he's not, I'm just being kind.
0:15:30 > 0:15:31Gullible, more like.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34Yeah, kind, gullible, caring, they're all the same, aren't they?
0:15:34 > 0:15:36No, they're different.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40Are they? Well, I don't care. If I can help Brandon till his mum comes back, that's just being nice.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43So long as you're helping and not just doing everything.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Well, I have to do quite a bit, cos the funny thing is,
0:15:45 > 0:15:49- Brandon doesn't know how to work a lot of the stuff in his house. - I bet he doesn't.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53He thought his vacuum cleaner was some sort of ornament, so I had to show him how to work it.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Girls, I hope you all enjoyed the chips I bought you,
0:15:57 > 0:15:59but it's time to get down to some team talk.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02- Can I tell everyone about my idea? - Thank you, Holli, but not right now.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Come on, Coach.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08OK. Yeah, Holls, you go for it.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10I welcome your input.
0:16:10 > 0:16:11We've just got to sort out the table.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19So, if Ria positions herself between the defence and the mid-field,
0:16:19 > 0:16:22then she can pick up through balls to Viva and me.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26- I want Ria forward.- Fuck's sake. Ria is forward. Ria is the mustard.
0:16:26 > 0:16:27Are you even listening?
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Ria's the mustard? You said she was the pepper.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33No. Amber's the pepper, Viva's the salt and you're the old tea bag.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38I'm not being funny, Holls, but it's best you leave the brainwork to me.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40This is how it's going to work.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Me, Jade, Holli,
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Viva, Amber, Ria,
0:16:45 > 0:16:49Shannabelle, Dominique.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51I've got it all very carefully planned out.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53- Saz, that's eight. We're playing seven a side.- Hah!
0:16:53 > 0:16:57I'm Saz, I took my maths GCSE early and I still can't count to seven!
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Yeah, right, sorry. My bad.
0:17:00 > 0:17:05So, what I would do...is...that.
0:17:07 > 0:17:08You're taking off the mayo?
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Yeah, I'm benching the mayo.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12You're benching the mayo?
0:17:12 > 0:17:13Yep.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15I'm the fucking mayo, aren't I?!
0:17:15 > 0:17:16Yep, you're the fucking mayo.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Right, Holli, you're off the team.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26You're not part of the squad, you're not a sub, you're gone.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Get out of here!
0:17:28 > 0:17:29OK, right.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31I'm going to hold that vote again now and you can't stop me.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Who wants me to take over as new manager?
0:17:36 > 0:17:37Sorry, babe.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54OK, we haven't got much time, so we're going to work hard for the next couple of days,
0:17:54 > 0:17:56and we're going to keep it to the three basics.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59- Tackling, diving and trash-talking. - What's trash-talking?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02It's like when someone from West Mount is about to take
0:18:02 > 0:18:03a free kick, you go up to them and say,
0:18:03 > 0:18:06"Your mum gives blow jobs behind Lidls!" to put them off.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08But what if it's not true?
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Come on, it's West Mount, it's a 50/50 chance.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13It doesn't matter if it's true, just abuse them.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15"Your mum does it with hamsters."
0:18:15 > 0:18:17- Nastier.- "Your mum does it with ugly hamsters."
0:18:17 > 0:18:20- Ruder.- "Your mum gives blow jobs to fat hamsters!"
0:18:23 > 0:18:26Your homework is to work on better cusses.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29Now, I'm going to give you a diving masterclass.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32When you dive, it's got to look like you've really tripped.
0:18:32 > 0:18:33Viva's going to give you a demo of this,
0:18:33 > 0:18:36and this is what it needs to look like.
0:18:36 > 0:18:37Ow!
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Did everyone see that?
0:18:39 > 0:18:40I need a plaster!
0:18:40 > 0:18:43That's it, girls, but when you fall, you've got to commit to it.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Really commit.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Aargh!
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Good work, Jade, that's what I'm talking about.
0:18:50 > 0:18:51I think I've broke my ankle.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54That's great. Really lay it on. Maybe you've broken both ankles.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56I think she's really hurt.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59No, this is what you all need to do, go massively over the top.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01- I'm really fucking hurt! - Of course you are, Jade.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Have a penalty, you're my star pupil.
0:19:04 > 0:19:05Ooh, you've got a bit of blood there.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Blood?
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Very tricky without Saz and Jade.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Oooww!
0:19:27 > 0:19:31Why did she have to die without ever knowing her long-lost love
0:19:31 > 0:19:33actually lived next door?
0:19:33 > 0:19:36I don't know, hon. Sometimes life's just sad.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38I'm going.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39Good night, Junior.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40Night, Junior.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45Now that your mum's coming back, we won't see much of each other.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48I want to ask you something.
0:19:48 > 0:19:49Yes, Brandon?
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Can you do me a couple of bags of washing?
0:19:53 > 0:19:56It turns out Junior's been leaving his dirty clothes under the bed.
0:19:56 > 0:19:57- What?- It proper stinks.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00But if you get in there quick, you can get it before he drops off.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02I showed you how to work the washing machine.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06Yeah, but I'm not good at remembering that kind of stuff.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09My friends are right about you. You're a user.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13- You're only nice to me when you want something. You're worst than Toggle. - Who?- Toggle.
0:20:13 > 0:20:17My dog from when I was little, only nice to me when he wanted a biscuit.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Hurt you very badly, hasn't he?
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Yeah. Toggle wasn't really a kind dog.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Amber, I'm talking about Brandon.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Oh, Brandon.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Yeah, he hurt me, but the thing is, Viva,
0:20:34 > 0:20:36when you love a boy like I love Brandon,
0:20:36 > 0:20:38you can't just turn it off like a tap.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42No, sure, but someone can decide not to be in a bad relationship.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44But that's what I'm trying to tell you, Viva.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47You can't control being in love - no-one can.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Even Katy Perry or Taylor Swift or you.
0:20:50 > 0:20:51Meaning what?
0:20:51 > 0:20:55You're the one who doesn't realise you're still mad on Rocky.
0:20:56 > 0:20:57Rocky!
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Rocky Mountains?
0:20:59 > 0:21:01- Look!- Rocky!
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Oh, God.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08- Oh, no!- What?
0:21:08 > 0:21:09I'm an idiot.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11The world's been trying to send me a message
0:21:11 > 0:21:13and I haven't been listening.
0:21:13 > 0:21:14I've got to find Rocky.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Where are you going? We've got the match.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18I need to find Rocky.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20No need, he's coming. Rocky's coming.
0:21:20 > 0:21:21I've been looking for you.
0:21:21 > 0:21:25You wanted Rocky and he appeared. OMG, it's destiny.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Can you give us some privacy, girls?
0:21:31 > 0:21:32It's our big game today.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34And us.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36- I was going to... - I wanted to say...
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- We need to talk.- Yeah, we do.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43You know, a lot of the football dudes have these little superstitions and shit.
0:21:43 > 0:21:44Yeah, the girls are the same.
0:21:44 > 0:21:49OK, so, before we split up, my little superstition was always
0:21:49 > 0:21:53to like, kiss you, last thing before I went and got changed for a match.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Oh, Rocky...
0:21:55 > 0:21:57But, since I stopped doing the little kissing thing,
0:21:57 > 0:21:59I haven't scored a single goal.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01It's even got me doubting my own talent,
0:22:01 > 0:22:04like I'm bad at football or something.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06So you need to kiss me?
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Is that what this is about?
0:22:08 > 0:22:09You don't mind?
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Cos I thought with us being like four million percent finished,
0:22:11 > 0:22:13you wouldn't...
0:22:13 > 0:22:15It would be a no-tongues deal, obviously.
0:22:15 > 0:22:16I just need to...
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Rocky, kiss me.
0:22:19 > 0:22:20I mean, it's...it's fine.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31OK.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34That's that done. Hope it works.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Gemma's waiting for me.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38She's a bit jealous of you.
0:22:38 > 0:22:39You're seeing someone else?
0:22:39 > 0:22:43Yep. Moving on like you wanted. Good luck today, yeah.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45And thanks for the, you know.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00TOILET FLUSHES
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Holli, why are you only wearing two bras?
0:23:04 > 0:23:06One of my bras is missing.
0:23:06 > 0:23:07Don't know what happened to it.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15Don't tell anyone, I want everyone believing everything's fine.
0:23:15 > 0:23:16Shit, where are your lucky boots?
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Ah, that's a weird story.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21I put them outside the back door, cos they smelt nasty,
0:23:21 > 0:23:22and a fox went toilet in them.
0:23:22 > 0:23:23It's absolutely true.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25But you've still got them, right?
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Yes, yes. And no.
0:23:28 > 0:23:29- Which?- No.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31- Amber!- My mum threw them away.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Oh, my God, Ria's eating a Crunchie.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35So is Shannabelle and Jade.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37The vending machine was out of Kit Kats.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40- This is bad.- Maybe I could try and do the three-wee thing.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42- Don't be dumb, that's Saz's thing. - OK.
0:23:42 > 0:23:43Maybe worth a try.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Well, actually I just went wee, I don't think I can go again.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50There's a complete lack of urine in my bladder at the moment.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52OK, good luck, everyone.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55And one last piece of advice - don't forget girls have boobs.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Elbow them in the boobs if you get the chance.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00It really hurts, unless you're wearing three bras.
0:24:00 > 0:24:01OK, sisters, it's time.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22I don't want to play, I don't feel good.
0:24:22 > 0:24:23You're playing.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26We're already minus Saz and Jade is, like, so crippled.
0:24:26 > 0:24:31Sazzy! Yeh, yeh, yeh!
0:24:31 > 0:24:32You're back, then.
0:24:32 > 0:24:33Yes, Coach.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35When you're in a team, you have to fucking play.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Even though everyone in the team hates you, Coach.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Well, if you're making the effort, I suppose I have to.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42What's the matter? Is it Rocky?
0:24:42 > 0:24:45I've lost him for ever. He's seeing Gemma.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Gemma?! She's really pretty.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Really beautiful, and clever.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51She can drive and her car is well flash.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54And apparently she gives fantastic head.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57I don't know how I know that.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Yeah, well, you still have to play football.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01We'll all get pissed and cry later.
0:25:18 > 0:25:19They look angry.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21It's all part of their act.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23They look angry, we look angry.
0:25:23 > 0:25:24We're all going to get murdered.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Hopefully, they'll target Holli first.
0:25:51 > 0:25:52WHISTLE BLOWS
0:25:52 > 0:25:555-0, it's not that bad, we can come back from that.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Look what happened last week, we scored nine goals.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Why don't we just forfeit the game and go for ice creams?
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Because we're not quitters. What aren't we?
0:26:02 > 0:26:04- ALL: Quitters. - I said, what aren't we?!
0:26:04 > 0:26:05- ALL: Quitters! - Who are we?
0:26:05 > 0:26:07- Winners.- Winners.- Amber.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10And don't forget to trashtalk them.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14Making them give away penalties is most probably our best chance.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08Your mama's so fat, when she eats a Mars, she eats Mars.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10You know, like the planet.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15Your mama's so fat, one of her boobs speaks fluent Welsh,
0:27:15 > 0:27:18because she's so wide, one of her boobs is in Wales!
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Wales is next to England, right?
0:27:22 > 0:27:25Hey, bitch, your mama's so fat, her chair committed suicide.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28WHISTLE BLOWS
0:27:28 > 0:27:29Penalty!
0:27:30 > 0:27:34Sazzy! Sazzy! Sazzy! Sazzy!
0:27:34 > 0:27:375-5 with only two bras, two wees, three Crunchies
0:27:37 > 0:27:40and no lucky boots. Think what we could have done on a good day!
0:27:41 > 0:27:43What do you want, Brandon?
0:27:43 > 0:27:45I'm not talking to you no more. You're an idiot.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47I'm sorry, you're right.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50My mum's back and I want to say thank you for all your help.
0:27:50 > 0:27:54We could go to a film or go for a meal or do whatever you want to do.
0:27:58 > 0:28:00PANTING
0:28:06 > 0:28:07SHE LAUGHS
0:28:07 > 0:28:09Oh! My baby's coming!
0:28:09 > 0:28:11My baby's coming!
0:28:11 > 0:28:12SHE LAUGHS
0:28:12 > 0:28:15# People keep saying That I'm doing it wrong
0:28:15 > 0:28:18# But I say it feels all right
0:28:18 > 0:28:23# I really do try Really do try, really do try
0:28:23 > 0:28:26# There's a million things That I could change
0:28:26 > 0:28:29# But maybe it's all right
0:28:29 > 0:28:32# Cos this is my life This if my life, this is my life
0:28:32 > 0:28:34# People keep saying That I'm doing it wrong
0:28:34 > 0:28:36# It's gonna be fine
0:28:36 > 0:28:38# People keep saying That I'm doing it wrong
0:28:38 > 0:28:40# People keep saying That I'm doing it wrong
0:28:40 > 0:28:42# It's gonna be fine... #
0:28:42 > 0:28:45Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd