Episode 6

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0:00:02 > 0:00:03# People keep saying that I'm doing it wrong

0:00:03 > 0:00:05# When I say it feels all right

0:00:05 > 0:00:09# I really do try, really do try, really do try. #

0:00:16 > 0:00:19# I really do try to stay out of trouble. #

0:00:23 > 0:00:25We can't sit there.

0:00:25 > 0:00:27Rocky's there with Gemma.

0:00:27 > 0:00:30# Hurt just seems to come my way. #

0:00:30 > 0:00:33This programme contains strong language.

0:00:33 > 0:00:36- I can't sit near Rocky. I still love Rocky.- Don't look, Viva.

0:00:36 > 0:00:39Rocky and Gemma are being totally innappropriate.

0:00:39 > 0:00:42Viva would never let Rocky eat a burrito out of her cleavage.

0:00:44 > 0:00:47He's the only boy I'll ever love.

0:00:47 > 0:00:50And now I've ruined it with my stupid obsession with getting

0:00:50 > 0:00:54an education and making something of myself and going to uni.

0:00:54 > 0:00:57Why did I ever care about any of that stuff?

0:00:57 > 0:00:59There's four seats there, but that kid's there.

0:00:59 > 0:01:02- Josh Moodie.- Let's sit with him, then.- But Josh Moodie is Death Boy.

0:01:02 > 0:01:06He's the one who was driving in that big car accident at half-term

0:01:06 > 0:01:09- where all his grandparents died. - He looks so sad.

0:01:09 > 0:01:12Yeah, you'd look sad if you'd just killed all your grandparents.

0:01:12 > 0:01:14Except my Granny Linda, cos she's a bitch.

0:01:14 > 0:01:18We don't know what happened. Maybe it wasn't even his fault. Come on.

0:01:18 > 0:01:22Just don't mention the accident. Just nice, normal chat.

0:01:34 > 0:01:36How was your pizza, Josh?

0:01:36 > 0:01:39Disgusting.

0:01:39 > 0:01:43- Well, like Buddha said, all life is suffering.- I know what you mean.

0:01:43 > 0:01:46Life does feel like a punishment sometimes.

0:01:46 > 0:01:51- A punishment for being born. - Tornadoes, tsunamis, typhoons...

0:01:51 > 0:01:52Heartbreak.

0:01:52 > 0:01:56- Earthquakes, explosions, epidemics... - And heartbreak.

0:01:56 > 0:01:58Fire, flood, famine...

0:01:58 > 0:01:59- Car accidents.- Holli!

0:01:59 > 0:02:02It's fine. I know everyone calls me Death Boy

0:02:02 > 0:02:03and I know everyone hates me.

0:02:03 > 0:02:05Was it your fault, though?

0:02:05 > 0:02:07Josh probably doesn't want to talk about it.

0:02:07 > 0:02:09I couldn't talk about it, even if I wanted to.

0:02:09 > 0:02:11I have no memory of the accident.

0:02:11 > 0:02:15All I know is I crawled away, the car exploded, my grandparents died.

0:02:15 > 0:02:18Aw, at least they was all quite old, though.

0:02:18 > 0:02:20So was there nothing left of them?

0:02:20 > 0:02:24Only this titanium bolt from Granddad Bill's hip. Or Granny Beryl's hip.

0:02:24 > 0:02:28Grandma Ellen's hip, or...Granddad Alf's knee.

0:02:28 > 0:02:31- Or hip.- It's really dirty. - It's black and tarnished

0:02:31 > 0:02:34from the searing furnace of their death chamber.

0:02:34 > 0:02:37- I'll wear it always.- Aw, that's nice.

0:02:37 > 0:02:38Like a lucky charm.

0:02:43 > 0:02:47We know how you feel. Everyone gets their heart broken.

0:02:47 > 0:02:50My first boyfriend dumped me for my best friend.

0:02:50 > 0:02:53I was heartbroken, but I dealt with it.

0:02:53 > 0:02:56I shot my best friend's favourite sheep and I moved on.

0:02:56 > 0:02:59She set fire to my bed and she moved on.

0:02:59 > 0:03:02- It's life.- Life is love, love is life.

0:03:02 > 0:03:04Live your life.

0:03:05 > 0:03:08Why didn't you just hang on to Rocky?

0:03:08 > 0:03:10Everyone told you to hang on to Rocky. Rocky loved you.

0:03:10 > 0:03:14And now he loves Gemma. She's hotter than you, with better boobs.

0:03:14 > 0:03:15ALL: Shut up, Jamie!

0:03:15 > 0:03:19In two weeks' time, you're going to have a new baby sister, Viva.

0:03:19 > 0:03:22- An amazing blessing's coming into our life.- A baby.

0:03:22 > 0:03:25So what? Babies are being born all the time.

0:03:25 > 0:03:28Every single one of those babies is just going to get old

0:03:28 > 0:03:31and get wrinkly and get diseases and die.

0:03:31 > 0:03:34Even yours.

0:03:34 > 0:03:37OK, so you're depressed. Boo-hoo-hoo! It sucks!

0:03:37 > 0:03:40- But what are you going to do about it?- Nothing.

0:03:40 > 0:03:42There's nothing I can do about it.

0:03:42 > 0:03:45Off the top of my head, you could find a bug and squash it,

0:03:45 > 0:03:48or sculpt some cheese into a face.

0:03:48 > 0:03:49Anna... Anna, leave it.

0:03:49 > 0:03:52As long as Viva knows we're here for her and that we love her...

0:03:52 > 0:03:53I'm going to bed.

0:03:53 > 0:03:57Viva, if you're going to cry yourself to sleep again tonight,

0:03:57 > 0:04:00can you just turn the volume down a bit?

0:04:05 > 0:04:07Let's sit with Josh.

0:04:10 > 0:04:12Well, come on. He's all alone.

0:04:12 > 0:04:14Of course he's alone, because he's depressing!

0:04:14 > 0:04:17- God, is he actually crying? - You're horrible.

0:04:17 > 0:04:20Can you imagine the guilt he's living with?

0:04:20 > 0:04:24- Well, he did slaughter four people. - It probably wasn't even his fault.

0:04:24 > 0:04:27You three just don't understand what it's like to live with darkness.

0:04:27 > 0:04:29I do! I still remember the day

0:04:29 > 0:04:33I rode my scooter over my sister's guinea pig and squished it.

0:04:33 > 0:04:37I only ate black jelly babies for the rest of the day.

0:04:37 > 0:04:39You just don't get that it's all meaningless.

0:04:39 > 0:04:43All there is is nothing. Nothing...

0:04:43 > 0:04:45Nothing...

0:04:45 > 0:04:50- Aw, do you need huggle-wuggle time? - No, Amber, I don't.

0:04:50 > 0:04:52I am SO beyond huggle-wuggle time.

0:04:52 > 0:04:54Just cos Rocky's doing Gemma now

0:04:54 > 0:04:56and you totally fucked up the arse big time,

0:04:56 > 0:04:59no need to take it out on us, you miserable bitch!

0:04:59 > 0:05:01I'll be with Josh.

0:05:01 > 0:05:05If you want to be my friend, you'll have to be Josh's friend.

0:05:05 > 0:05:07Viva, wait...

0:05:07 > 0:05:09The forces of darkness are claiming her.

0:05:09 > 0:05:13She's being sucked into Josh's whirlpool of misery and death.

0:05:13 > 0:05:15I want normal, happy Viva back.

0:05:19 > 0:05:21We should cheer her up.

0:05:21 > 0:05:23- We need to get her away from Josh. - Oh, my God.

0:05:23 > 0:05:26I've just thought of an amazingly awesome plan all on my own.

0:05:26 > 0:05:28I was watching this programme last night

0:05:28 > 0:05:29called The Boy Whose Face Melted Off.

0:05:29 > 0:05:31I saw that. His face melted off.

0:05:31 > 0:05:34Basically, he's got this disease and it's, like, really rare.

0:05:34 > 0:05:38- Hardly anyone has it.- Yeah. That's why it's rare.

0:05:38 > 0:05:41So my plan is, we pretend Viva's got the face-melting thing

0:05:41 > 0:05:44and she's dying and it's her last dying wish to meet One Direction.

0:05:44 > 0:05:47Then, One Direction will come and she'll forget all about Rocky.

0:05:47 > 0:05:50This is good, Amber. Good. But not One Direction.

0:05:50 > 0:05:52She doesn't even like One Direction.

0:05:52 > 0:05:56- Lil Wayne? Big Sean? - Medium Size Mike?

0:05:56 > 0:05:57Tinie Tempah.

0:05:57 > 0:05:58BOTH: Yeah, Tinie Tempah.

0:05:58 > 0:06:00Right, so we contact Tinie Tempah

0:06:00 > 0:06:02and tell him that our friend's got a disease

0:06:02 > 0:06:04and can he come and visit us before it's too late?

0:06:04 > 0:06:07Tinie Tempah probably gets 1,000 calls from girls with diseases.

0:06:07 > 0:06:08He's probably got a team set up

0:06:08 > 0:06:11whose job it is to check whose face really is melting.

0:06:11 > 0:06:13It'll never work, it's pathetic.

0:06:13 > 0:06:15What about we try and split up Gemma and Rocky?

0:06:15 > 0:06:16I could have a chat with Gemma.

0:06:16 > 0:06:19Not to do anything to her, maybe just show her my dad's baseball bat.

0:06:19 > 0:06:20That's even more pathetic.

0:06:20 > 0:06:23OK, so what's your plan? You have an idea?

0:06:23 > 0:06:24She's got to deal with it.

0:06:24 > 0:06:27Like I had to deal with it when Joe's family emigrated to Australia

0:06:27 > 0:06:30and no-one made a massive fuss over me when I was heartbroken.

0:06:30 > 0:06:32Just man up, Saz.

0:06:32 > 0:06:33I've got it!

0:06:33 > 0:06:36- You love life! - I love Rocky.

0:06:36 > 0:06:38- You love life! - I love Rocky!

0:06:38 > 0:06:41- You love Rocky! - I know I do!

0:06:41 > 0:06:43- What?- You just said I love Rocky.

0:06:43 > 0:06:46No, I didn't. You love Rocky. I mean, you love life.

0:06:46 > 0:06:48It's not going to work, Hols.

0:06:48 > 0:06:51You can't just slap me into not loving Rocky.

0:06:51 > 0:06:53Worth a try.

0:06:53 > 0:06:56It scares me how much I like hitting people.

0:07:02 > 0:07:06No, Amber, you've had your 12. Remember, there were 61.

0:07:06 > 0:07:0812 and one fifth each.

0:07:08 > 0:07:10- Oh, my God! It's Booky Joe! - Where? Where'd he go?

0:07:12 > 0:07:15That's not funny! It's cruel and it's greedy.

0:07:15 > 0:07:19- Sorry, Saz. - Do you still think about Joe?

0:07:20 > 0:07:23Yeah. Especially at night, in bed.

0:07:24 > 0:07:26I make up stories about him to cheer myself up.

0:07:26 > 0:07:27Aw, that's sweet.

0:07:27 > 0:07:31My favourite one is that his cousin gets leukaemia and it turns out

0:07:31 > 0:07:33that Joe's the only one with a perfect bone marrow match.

0:07:33 > 0:07:37So he has to come back to the UK to have his bone marrow harvested.

0:07:37 > 0:07:39And when he's in hospital having the procedure,

0:07:39 > 0:07:42he realises that he can't live without me any longer.

0:07:42 > 0:07:44Then it gets a little bit sexy.

0:07:44 > 0:07:48What? While he's in hospital hooked up to that bone marrow machine?

0:07:48 > 0:07:51- That's dirty.- Gemma's having a party this Friday. It's on Facebook.

0:07:51 > 0:07:53- Party? Is Rocky going? - Of course he will.

0:07:53 > 0:07:56Him and Gemma are going out now, aren't they?

0:07:56 > 0:07:58He's her boyfriend. Why wouldn't he go?

0:07:58 > 0:08:00Why do people get so excited about parties?

0:08:00 > 0:08:03I mean, at the end of the night, what are parties really about?

0:08:03 > 0:08:08Vomit, urine, self-harm, drug-induced psychosis, STDs,

0:08:08 > 0:08:11unwanted pregnancies, microwaved cats.

0:08:11 > 0:08:13Then there's all the washing up.

0:08:15 > 0:08:18I want to go. I want to go to Gemma's party.

0:08:18 > 0:08:21I'm not being funny, Viva, but I don't think you're invited.

0:08:21 > 0:08:22I want to see them together.

0:08:22 > 0:08:24See what they're like not at school.

0:08:24 > 0:08:27I want to see if he's like he was when he was with me.

0:08:27 > 0:08:30Yeah, let's gatecrash and smash up her house and poo in all her vases.

0:08:30 > 0:08:32I'm not gatecrashing Gemma's party, end of.

0:08:32 > 0:08:34We could go and spy.

0:08:34 > 0:08:36Just watch it all from the outside.

0:08:36 > 0:08:39But aren't you just going to make yourself feel worse?

0:08:39 > 0:08:41I need to go!

0:08:41 > 0:08:42I'll go with you.

0:08:42 > 0:08:45I completely get the need to make pain better by making it much worse.

0:08:45 > 0:08:49Thanks, Josh. You're a good friend.

0:08:49 > 0:08:51OK, we'll go too. We'll all watch from outside.

0:08:51 > 0:08:53I can drive us.

0:08:53 > 0:08:55- ALL: No, that's OK. No. It's all right.- Don't worry.

0:08:55 > 0:08:58MUSIC: "Big Sunglasses" by Dragonette

0:09:00 > 0:09:03There are some crazy outfits at this party.

0:09:03 > 0:09:06Wellies, hoe, six beers.

0:09:06 > 0:09:07I want a beer.

0:09:07 > 0:09:09And that one - fishing rod, funny hat, six beers.

0:09:09 > 0:09:11We should have brought beers.

0:09:11 > 0:09:13I can't stand and watch people with drinks

0:09:13 > 0:09:15and then watch them get pissed. I can't do it.

0:09:15 > 0:09:18And that one - fur coat - that's a bit weird.

0:09:18 > 0:09:21I know what I'm like, I'll literally be forced to mug someone.

0:09:21 > 0:09:23- It's not fair on me. - I'm getting a funny tingle.

0:09:23 > 0:09:26- Did you see Rocky? - Not that sort of tingle.

0:09:26 > 0:09:27What other sort of tingle is there?

0:09:27 > 0:09:29When it's all coming together in your brain

0:09:29 > 0:09:32and things start to whizz and snap and make patterns up here,

0:09:32 > 0:09:35and you realise you're about to put something smart together, you know?

0:09:35 > 0:09:36BOTH: No.

0:09:36 > 0:09:38Farmer, fisherman, coal miner, fur coat.

0:09:38 > 0:09:40I think I know where you're going with this.

0:09:40 > 0:09:42Agriculture, District 11. Fishing, District 4.

0:09:42 > 0:09:46Luxury goods, District 1. Mining, District 12.

0:09:46 > 0:09:47It's a Hunger Games fancy dress party!

0:09:47 > 0:09:49I'm so fucking CSI sometimes!

0:09:49 > 0:09:51A Hunger Games party, it said that on Facebook.

0:09:51 > 0:09:54Oh, my God! This is the most brilliant party ever.

0:09:54 > 0:09:55Why am I not friends with people

0:09:55 > 0:09:57who have Hunger Games fancy dress parties?

0:09:57 > 0:10:00Why am I friends with people who crouch behind bushes?

0:10:00 > 0:10:02I would have come as a giant mushroom cloud -

0:10:02 > 0:10:04District 13, nuclear technology.

0:10:04 > 0:10:07It's so dumb. Rocky doesn't even like reading.

0:10:07 > 0:10:09He's hardly read a book in his whole life.

0:10:09 > 0:10:12Why would he want a girlfriend whose party has got a book theme?

0:10:12 > 0:10:13Basically, he likes banging her, innit?

0:10:13 > 0:10:16The looks of hope and excitement on their faces.

0:10:16 > 0:10:17So sad.

0:10:17 > 0:10:19So, so, so, so, so, so sad.

0:10:19 > 0:10:21Where's Rocky?

0:10:21 > 0:10:24He must have got there early for some quick sexy time.

0:10:24 > 0:10:26Early? No, Rocky doesn't go anywhere early.

0:10:26 > 0:10:28Maybe he's broken up with her.

0:10:28 > 0:10:31One of us needs to go in, just blend in, have a drink

0:10:31 > 0:10:33and see what the score is, have a drink, find Rocky, etc.

0:10:33 > 0:10:35- Have a drink. - Not you, Holli.

0:10:35 > 0:10:38No offence, but I'm worried you'll just go in and get pissed.

0:10:38 > 0:10:41- Yeah, that's what I want to do. - You go, Saz.

0:10:41 > 0:10:45The cool people hate me. Plus, how can I go in there without a costume?

0:10:45 > 0:10:48- That'd be so shaming.- I'll go but I don't want to go alone.

0:10:48 > 0:10:49I could go with you.

0:10:49 > 0:10:52Yes, yes. You'd be less noticeable as a couple.

0:10:52 > 0:10:54Oh, exciting! My first undercover mission.

0:10:54 > 0:10:57OK, find Rocky and see what he's doing and if he looks like

0:10:57 > 0:11:00he's having fun and if he looks like he's missing me.

0:11:00 > 0:11:02See if you can eavesdrop on what they're saying and memorise it

0:11:02 > 0:11:05word-for-word, especially if he's got a nickname for her

0:11:05 > 0:11:07and if he's naked, see if he's still got the tattoo of my name.

0:11:07 > 0:11:09Right.

0:11:09 > 0:11:11And bring me back a bottle of drink. WKD, cherry flavour.

0:11:11 > 0:11:15- If they haven't got it, anything at all.- Right.

0:11:15 > 0:11:16Amber, take this.

0:11:16 > 0:11:18District 7, lumber.

0:11:18 > 0:11:20District 7, lumber!

0:11:20 > 0:11:23MUSIC: "Mid Century Modern Nightmare" by Neon Neon

0:11:27 > 0:11:29District 7, lumber.

0:11:35 > 0:11:37District 7, lumber.

0:11:39 > 0:11:41District 7, lumber.

0:11:49 > 0:11:51- You've got so many. - Yeah.

0:11:51 > 0:11:54It's surprising how many dead creatures there are

0:11:54 > 0:11:55around the place. That's a pigeon.

0:11:55 > 0:11:59- Where's its head?- A fox ate it. I've got a video of that.

0:11:59 > 0:12:00Oh, great!

0:12:00 > 0:12:03That little guy is a rat I just found lying in the gutter.

0:12:03 > 0:12:05I'm guessing he died of natural causes.

0:12:05 > 0:12:08I liked the quiet dignity of his tail.

0:12:08 > 0:12:11- Hmm, dignified. - That one's a crow.

0:12:11 > 0:12:13Almost hidden under the snow,

0:12:13 > 0:12:16you can see its beak poking through, and the poignant angle of its feet?

0:12:16 > 0:12:19Fuck, it says everything that anyone would ever want

0:12:19 > 0:12:21to say about life and death.

0:12:21 > 0:12:23Yeah, definitely.

0:12:24 > 0:12:27Don't you ever take any pictures of animals that are alive?

0:12:27 > 0:12:30Oh, that's a nice one of a rabbit having a lovely sleep.

0:12:30 > 0:12:32No, he's dead.

0:12:32 > 0:12:34Can I ask you something, Josh?

0:12:34 > 0:12:36Is it cos of the car crash why you're so mental?

0:12:36 > 0:12:38- How do you mean, mental? - Obsessed with dead things.

0:12:38 > 0:12:41- How do you mean, obsessed with dead things?- Well, mental.

0:12:41 > 0:12:43District 7, lumber.

0:12:45 > 0:12:48I guess most people would be mental if they killed all four of their grandparents.

0:12:48 > 0:12:50Look, it might not have been my fault.

0:12:50 > 0:12:52I blacked out, I don't know what happened.

0:12:52 > 0:12:54You must think about it all the time.

0:12:54 > 0:12:57They must haunt you. Do they haunt you?

0:12:58 > 0:13:02- Not really. - Is it like they're watching you?

0:13:02 > 0:13:05- No. - District 7, lumber.

0:13:07 > 0:13:10I feel nothing, nothing at all. I'm dead inside.

0:13:10 > 0:13:12I get like that sometimes.

0:13:12 > 0:13:15When I get like that, I just turn on loud music and dance.

0:13:17 > 0:13:21- What the fuck? - Have they even looked for Rocky?

0:13:22 > 0:13:27Amber is failing this mission at every level. 100% fail.

0:13:27 > 0:13:32MUSIC: "We Are Young" by Fun ft. Janelle Monae

0:13:32 > 0:13:34# Tonight we are young

0:13:34 > 0:13:39# So let's set the world on fire

0:13:39 > 0:13:41# We can burn brighter... #

0:13:41 > 0:13:43- That was good.- Hmm.

0:13:43 > 0:13:45It kind of felt...

0:13:45 > 0:13:47I don't know, it was...

0:13:49 > 0:13:51Oh, Josh!

0:13:51 > 0:13:54No, Josh!

0:13:54 > 0:13:57- Just go away, Josh!- If she puts down the plank, she can hit him.

0:13:57 > 0:13:58She's supposed to be looking for Rocky.

0:13:58 > 0:14:01I'm very disappointed. And where's Gemma?

0:14:01 > 0:14:04We haven't even seen Gemma yet and it's her party.

0:14:04 > 0:14:07Josh, no! Don't! No! No!

0:14:07 > 0:14:08Now that's taking advantage.

0:14:08 > 0:14:10No way I'm letting Death Boy shag Amber.

0:14:10 > 0:14:12- Where are you going? - I'm going in.

0:14:12 > 0:14:16- See if you can find Rocky. - What district are you from?

0:14:16 > 0:14:18It's going to be so shaming

0:14:18 > 0:14:20if Gemma's friends ask her what district she's from.

0:14:20 > 0:14:23Don't! Josh, no! Stop it!

0:14:23 > 0:14:25LOUD SMACK

0:14:32 > 0:14:35Oh, my God! Look there.

0:14:35 > 0:14:37The guy with the blackened face, mining, District 12.

0:14:37 > 0:14:40- Did you see him? - No. Where? Is it Rocky?

0:14:41 > 0:14:43Did you see Rocky?

0:14:43 > 0:14:45Well, was it Rocky?

0:14:45 > 0:14:47It's Joe. I saw Joe!

0:14:47 > 0:14:50Oh, hun. No, you didn't see Joe, he's still in Australia.

0:14:50 > 0:14:54It was definitely him. I know him, Viva, even with black over his face.

0:14:54 > 0:14:57When you lose them, you imagine them everywhere.

0:14:57 > 0:14:59It's like that with Rocky.

0:14:59 > 0:15:02Once he was a dinner lady and he gave me an extra large sausage.

0:15:02 > 0:15:05It wasn't some stupid hallucination, it was him!

0:15:05 > 0:15:07- What's he doing here? - Saz, it wasn't him.

0:15:07 > 0:15:11Maybe my dream's come true and his cousin's got leukaemia!

0:15:12 > 0:15:14Not very badly.

0:15:14 > 0:15:16Once they get Joe's bone marrow, they'll be fine.

0:15:16 > 0:15:18I think you're losing your grip on reality, Saz.

0:15:18 > 0:15:20I'm going to find Joe.

0:15:20 > 0:15:24And look for Rocky. Well? Did you hear me?

0:15:27 > 0:15:29I'm looking for a coal miner.

0:15:29 > 0:15:31Has anyone seen a coal miner?

0:15:42 > 0:15:44What district are you from?

0:15:44 > 0:15:46Fuck off!

0:15:47 > 0:15:51# So if by the time the bar closes

0:15:51 > 0:15:54# And you feel like falling down

0:15:54 > 0:16:00# I'll carry you home tonight. #

0:16:00 > 0:16:03- Errh!- Surprise!

0:16:03 > 0:16:05- Hey! Hey.- You're back!

0:16:05 > 0:16:08How's it going? I didn't realise you'd be here.

0:16:08 > 0:16:10How come you didn't tell me you were back?

0:16:10 > 0:16:12I can't believe you didn't tell me.

0:16:12 > 0:16:14It's been so long since you've emailed.

0:16:14 > 0:16:16Did you lose my email address and my phone and...

0:16:16 > 0:16:18No, that doesn't happen in real life.

0:16:18 > 0:16:21You can't have lost everything. Were you going to surprise me?

0:16:21 > 0:16:22Why didn't you tell me, Joe?

0:16:22 > 0:16:24Well, we're only here for a couple of weeks.

0:16:24 > 0:16:28Two weeks? We've got a whole two weeks together, that's amazing!

0:16:28 > 0:16:31Well, actually, we've been here two weeks already.

0:16:31 > 0:16:34Going home tomorrow.

0:16:34 > 0:16:36Why, Joe? Why?

0:16:36 > 0:16:38WHY? WHY?

0:16:38 > 0:16:40Come on, Saz. We couldn't do the long distance thing,

0:16:40 > 0:16:42you know that, really.

0:16:42 > 0:16:44Why?

0:16:44 > 0:16:48- It's good to see you, Saz, honestly. - Why did you do this to me, Joe?

0:16:48 > 0:16:51You are looking so pretty.

0:16:51 > 0:16:53What district are you supposed to be from, eh?

0:16:53 > 0:16:55Just tell me why?

0:16:57 > 0:16:59OK, I'll tell you why.

0:16:59 > 0:17:05Your emails, four or five every day, nine on one day.

0:17:05 > 0:17:08Long, long emails asking lots of questions.

0:17:08 > 0:17:09Many of them with attachments

0:17:09 > 0:17:11that were spreadsheets charting your emotions.

0:17:11 > 0:17:14That's just what a person does when they like someone.

0:17:14 > 0:17:17The letter poem you wrote to my mum and dad.

0:17:17 > 0:17:21"Dear Bryan and Sue, let me introduce myself to you.

0:17:21 > 0:17:25"I'm that very special someone who's been making love to your son."

0:17:25 > 0:17:28"And I'm heartbroken cos you took my Joe to Oz."

0:17:28 > 0:17:30I thought it was cute.

0:17:30 > 0:17:33The big jumper you knitted me with our initials on.

0:17:33 > 0:17:35I thought that was cute.

0:17:35 > 0:17:37The collage you made me out of your own hair,

0:17:37 > 0:17:39that I only got recently

0:17:39 > 0:17:42because it was held up in customs for months being analysed.

0:17:42 > 0:17:44Your DNA is probably

0:17:44 > 0:17:48on some Australian database of psycholoonies now.

0:17:48 > 0:17:50But I thought you loved my hair.

0:17:50 > 0:17:52On your head! I love it on your head,

0:17:52 > 0:17:56not hacked off in clumps and glued to a mood board.

0:17:56 > 0:18:00I was fucking scared out of my mind, Saz.

0:18:01 > 0:18:04I thought you'd be popping up at any minute.

0:18:04 > 0:18:06I had to stop emailing you.

0:18:06 > 0:18:08Sorry.

0:18:09 > 0:18:11No hard feelings?

0:18:14 > 0:18:17- Viva!- Rocky.

0:18:17 > 0:18:21- What are you doing here? - Oh, you know.

0:18:21 > 0:18:23You gone all Bear Grylls on my ass, living in a bush,

0:18:23 > 0:18:26- feeding on beetles? - No. I just, you know...

0:18:27 > 0:18:30Interesting hat.

0:18:30 > 0:18:34Yeah. What district are you supposed to be from?

0:18:34 > 0:18:36Come on, vampire district, innit!

0:18:36 > 0:18:39Vampire district? There isn't a vampire district.

0:18:39 > 0:18:41Did you get it mixed up with Twilight?

0:18:41 > 0:18:45Oh, did I? Yeah, maybe.

0:18:46 > 0:18:48Why do you keep changing the subject? What are you doing here?

0:18:48 > 0:18:52- What are you doing here? - It's my girlfriend's party.

0:18:52 > 0:18:55So she's definitely your girlfriend, then?

0:18:55 > 0:18:59Oh, shit. Is that why you're here?

0:18:59 > 0:19:00Cos you realise you still like me?

0:19:00 > 0:19:02That's tragic timing on your part, Badges.

0:19:02 > 0:19:05- I didn't say I still liked you. - Your face told me.

0:19:05 > 0:19:08If you'd come to me any time before 2.15pm yesterday,

0:19:08 > 0:19:10- which was when Gemma and I first... - Oh, my God.

0:19:10 > 0:19:12I don't cheat on girls, ever.

0:19:12 > 0:19:14That is a mantra that I live by,

0:19:14 > 0:19:16unless it's special circumstances

0:19:16 > 0:19:18of being so trashed, I don't know what I'm doing.

0:19:18 > 0:19:20- Then I give myself a bit of leeway. - Rocky?

0:19:20 > 0:19:23- Hey, hun, you all right?- Is that Viva Bennett down there with you?

0:19:23 > 0:19:26All her mates have crashed my party.

0:19:26 > 0:19:29(I'm really sorry. You can pretend it's not me.)

0:19:29 > 0:19:32Yeah, I know it's you, Viva. I can actually see you and hear you.

0:19:32 > 0:19:35Leave Rocky alone, yeah? He's with me now.

0:19:35 > 0:19:39Fine, have him. I don't even want him any more.

0:19:42 > 0:19:47And anyway, he's still got my name tattooed on his chest.

0:19:47 > 0:19:50My name! "Viva Forever!" So there!

0:19:53 > 0:19:56I wish everyone would just fucking cheer up.

0:20:05 > 0:20:08So he's been here for two weeks undercover, avoiding me,

0:20:08 > 0:20:12not contacting me, telling people in our school not to tell me he's here.

0:20:12 > 0:20:14Wearing dark glasses and a hat.

0:20:16 > 0:20:18Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

0:20:18 > 0:20:21No, you're not being paranoid, that's exactly what he's done.

0:20:23 > 0:20:27Who'd have thought that Joe would turn out to be a big, lying bastard

0:20:27 > 0:20:29and that Rocky would just go off with another girl,

0:20:29 > 0:20:33and that Brandon would turn out to be the best boyfriend of them all?

0:20:33 > 0:20:35Brandon who slept with your sister?

0:20:35 > 0:20:37Yeah, talking of Brandon,

0:20:37 > 0:20:40if he ever finds out you touched Amber's boob,

0:20:40 > 0:20:42he will proper shank you in the neck.

0:20:42 > 0:20:44- It's what I deserve. - Aw, don't worry.

0:20:44 > 0:20:47If he ever does find out, I'll just tell him about your mental problems.

0:20:47 > 0:20:50- Hi, how was the party? - It was fun.

0:20:50 > 0:20:53- Where's my dad?- He's working, which is why I'm a bit worried, Viva,

0:20:53 > 0:20:56because I need to get to the hospital now. Straight away.

0:20:56 > 0:20:58Why? What's the matter? Is there a problem?

0:20:58 > 0:21:02Oh, no, no. There's no problem, I'm just...ow!

0:21:02 > 0:21:04OW! OW!

0:21:04 > 0:21:05OW!

0:21:05 > 0:21:09- But it's not due yet! - OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!

0:21:09 > 0:21:11She's having a contraction.

0:21:11 > 0:21:13I know all about it from Call the Midwife.

0:21:13 > 0:21:15We need to ring someone up,

0:21:15 > 0:21:17they cycle over here in a cape and pull out the baby.

0:21:17 > 0:21:20- I'll ring my dad.- No, I've already done that, he's gone out to a fire.

0:21:20 > 0:21:23- You have to get me to a hospital! - I can drive you.

0:21:24 > 0:21:26Death Boy? Oh, fuck!

0:21:27 > 0:21:29HORN SOUNDS

0:21:29 > 0:21:32You'd better not kill me, Death Boy, that's all I'm saying.

0:21:32 > 0:21:36- He won't.- Oh, I can't get the seatbelt round my bump.

0:21:36 > 0:21:38Right, don't worry.

0:21:38 > 0:21:40Josh is going to get us there really fast.

0:21:40 > 0:21:42Not too fast, we don't want an accident.

0:21:42 > 0:21:45Yeah, you don't want any more blood on your hands, Death Boy!

0:21:45 > 0:21:48He blacked out, it wasn't even his fault!

0:21:48 > 0:21:51Probably. And stop calling him Death Boy!

0:21:51 > 0:21:53Sometimes a nickname just sticks.

0:21:53 > 0:21:55Yeah, like you was called Tarantula Face for the whole of Year 8.

0:21:55 > 0:21:57SHE SCREAMS

0:21:57 > 0:21:59It's a red light, Amber. He has to stop.

0:21:59 > 0:22:02Sorry, just nervous.

0:22:02 > 0:22:04Oh, oh, I can feel another one coming.

0:22:04 > 0:22:06OW! OW!

0:22:06 > 0:22:08OW!

0:22:09 > 0:22:11OW, OW, OW, OW, OW!

0:22:11 > 0:22:14Oh, I think my waters are breaking!

0:22:14 > 0:22:18Oh, sorry, Death Boy. I think your upholstery's permanently fucked!

0:22:18 > 0:22:20At least it's not the bodies of his grandparents

0:22:20 > 0:22:21splattered all over the car.

0:22:21 > 0:22:24That must have really messed up the seats.

0:22:24 > 0:22:26It's OK, Josh. You're OK. Just don't listen.

0:22:26 > 0:22:29Don't mind him, I'm the one about to give birth!

0:22:32 > 0:22:34It was my fault.

0:22:34 > 0:22:37I remembered everything when Holli hit me with the plank.

0:22:37 > 0:22:40I was annoyed because they said I was a bad driver

0:22:40 > 0:22:44so I decided to do a handbrake turn in the rain, to scare them.

0:22:45 > 0:22:48- I'm a murderer. - Oh, look, Josh.

0:22:48 > 0:22:51We've all had fatal accidents that may or may not be our fault.

0:22:51 > 0:22:54It's no biggie! Can't you have this little mental episode

0:22:54 > 0:22:56after you've got me to the hospital?

0:22:56 > 0:22:59Josh, listen, babe, we need to go.

0:22:59 > 0:23:02You can do it, just keep it together for a few more minutes.

0:23:02 > 0:23:05Right, time's up. Get out.

0:23:08 > 0:23:12- Holli, we need him to drive us! - I'll drive us. Someone hold my vodka.

0:23:12 > 0:23:14But she's been drinking! It's so illegal!

0:23:14 > 0:23:17I don't care about legal! Fuck legal!

0:23:17 > 0:23:19Just get me to the hospital!

0:23:19 > 0:23:22Bye, Josh. Thanks for letting us borrow your car.

0:23:29 > 0:23:30It's OK, I'll be careful.

0:23:30 > 0:23:32I'll drive really, really slow and gentle,

0:23:32 > 0:23:35like I've got Gran and Granddad in the car and I don't want to scare them.

0:23:35 > 0:23:38Not the most comforting comparison, Holli.

0:23:38 > 0:23:40- How are you doing, Anna? - I'm not sure.

0:23:40 > 0:23:44Can one of you girls grab a torch and just have a quick check on what's happening with my vagina?

0:23:44 > 0:23:45No problem.

0:23:45 > 0:23:47Oh, my God, no! Amber!

0:23:47 > 0:23:50OW! OW! OW!

0:23:56 > 0:23:59- Where the fuck is your dad, Viva? - He must still be at the fire.

0:23:59 > 0:24:02- Oh, so you're going to have to be my birth partner.- Me?

0:24:02 > 0:24:05I can be it if you like, Miss Bitchcock.

0:24:05 > 0:24:07I love babies, I've watched three of our dogs, two of our cats

0:24:07 > 0:24:10and one of my cousins have babies and I like goo.

0:24:10 > 0:24:13There you go. She'd be a much better birth partner than me.

0:24:13 > 0:24:16- Don't be a fucktard, Viva, you're family!- I can call Jamie.

0:24:16 > 0:24:19Let Jamie up close and personal with my vagina?

0:24:19 > 0:24:20You are joking!

0:24:20 > 0:24:25- OK, if you're sure.- I'm sure. Just take that horrible hat off.

0:24:25 > 0:24:27Ow!

0:24:27 > 0:24:29Ow! OW!

0:24:32 > 0:24:35There are some funny-looking outfits at this hospital.

0:24:35 > 0:24:37Isn't he the guy from... Look! Look who it is!

0:24:37 > 0:24:40Gemma's mates. It must have all kicked off after we left.

0:24:40 > 0:24:43Maybe there was a great big fight. I knew we should have stayed.

0:24:53 > 0:24:55Ow.

0:24:56 > 0:24:59You did good, Viva.

0:25:01 > 0:25:03She's so awesome.

0:25:03 > 0:25:06Just amazingly beautiful.

0:25:06 > 0:25:08Hmm, just like her mother.

0:25:11 > 0:25:14I think she's the most beautiful baby ever born.

0:25:14 > 0:25:17Oh, my God! I've just met her and I totally love her.

0:25:17 > 0:25:21Oh, that's good, because you'll be doing shitloads of baby-sitting.

0:25:21 > 0:25:23Don't you want to hold her, Jamie?

0:25:23 > 0:25:26One minute, I just need to clear this level.

0:25:26 > 0:25:28Dad! Look.

0:25:28 > 0:25:30Oh, wow.

0:25:33 > 0:25:36Perfection. She's pure perfection.

0:25:36 > 0:25:38Yes, yes! I'm through to kill zone!

0:25:38 > 0:25:40Get over here, Jamie.

0:25:45 > 0:25:48Anna was amazing, Dad.

0:25:51 > 0:25:54Can you take a picture of us, please?

0:25:58 > 0:26:00Little Jellybean.

0:26:00 > 0:26:02MUSIC: "Hold Me" by Tom Odell

0:26:02 > 0:26:05# Hold me

0:26:05 > 0:26:08# Hold me in your arms

0:26:08 > 0:26:13# When you hold me I can feel your heart

0:26:13 > 0:26:16# When you hold me

0:26:16 > 0:26:19# When you hold me in your arms

0:26:19 > 0:26:24# When you hold me I can feel your heart beating... #

0:26:31 > 0:26:33What happened? Are you all right?

0:26:33 > 0:26:36Yeah, I'm all right. There was a fire.

0:26:36 > 0:26:39Gemma's outfit got out of control.

0:26:39 > 0:26:41Gemma's outfit?

0:26:41 > 0:26:43Oh, my God! Did she go as Katniss, "The girl on fire"?

0:26:43 > 0:26:45Fuck knows!

0:26:45 > 0:26:48All I know is, there was some stupid dangerous shit with lighter fuel.

0:26:48 > 0:26:50Oh, no. Was anyone hurt?

0:26:50 > 0:26:53Loads of people. But nothing major, your dad was there.

0:26:53 > 0:26:54That guy is my hero.

0:26:57 > 0:26:59What about Gemma? Is she all right?

0:26:59 > 0:27:02She's in shock and her hair's pretty badly injured.

0:27:02 > 0:27:05She's going to be in a wig for months.

0:27:07 > 0:27:09- That's awful. - So why are you here?

0:27:09 > 0:27:11Because of Anna. Look.

0:27:13 > 0:27:16Oh, my God! She's even cuter than you!

0:27:16 > 0:27:20Even cuter than me? That suggests you still think I'm cute.

0:27:20 > 0:27:23What? Are you coming on to me again, Badges?

0:27:23 > 0:27:26Sometimes it's like you is a sex-mad stalker where I'm concerned.

0:27:26 > 0:27:27No. No.

0:27:28 > 0:27:30Well, yeah.

0:27:32 > 0:27:35Do you want to come and meet my baby sister?

0:27:37 > 0:27:40# I really do try to stay out of trouble

0:27:42 > 0:27:45# But it just seems to come my way... #

0:27:45 > 0:27:48I think I've finished all her gas and air.

0:27:51 > 0:27:54You is sick at the tango, Rob.

0:27:54 > 0:27:58# Maybe it's in my DNA

0:28:00 > 0:28:04# They always said that we would screw up

0:28:04 > 0:28:07# Screw up... #

0:28:07 > 0:28:09Hi, Brandon.

0:28:11 > 0:28:14# People keep saying we're doing it wrong

0:28:14 > 0:28:17# I say it's just all right

0:28:17 > 0:28:19# I really do try really do try

0:28:19 > 0:28:21# Really do try

0:28:23 > 0:28:25# There are things I can't change

0:28:25 > 0:28:27# But maybe that's all right

0:28:27 > 0:28:31# This is my life this is my life this is my life

0:28:31 > 0:28:35# People keep saying we're doing it wrong

0:28:35 > 0:28:38# People keep saying we're doing it wrong

0:28:38 > 0:28:40# It's going to be fine. #

0:28:40 > 0:28:42Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd