0:00:02 > 0:00:05# People keep saying that I'm doing it wrong But I say it feels all right
0:00:05 > 0:00:09# I really do try, really do try, really do try
0:00:10 > 0:00:13# There's a million things that I can't change
0:00:13 > 0:00:16# But maybe it's all right
0:00:16 > 0:00:21# Cos this is my life, this is my life, this is my life. #
0:00:23 > 0:00:26This programme contains some strong language
0:00:29 > 0:00:30I don't know what I love more -
0:00:30 > 0:00:33sweet and sour chicken or sticky barbecue ribs.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Judging by your top, I'd say you love sweet and sour chicken slightly more.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38I'm no good with chopsticks.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Just so you know, you've got a noodle on your shoulder.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43If no-one's eating the pork balls can I take them home for Prada?
0:00:43 > 0:00:45- Sure.- Prada loves pork balls.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Dangle a reheated pork ball in front of Prada,
0:00:47 > 0:00:48she'll be my slave for a week.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50It's so generous of your dad to buy us a takeaway.
0:00:50 > 0:00:51It's our fee for baby-sitting.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55We're baby-sitting? Right now? I didn't even realise.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Is the baby actually here?
0:00:57 > 0:00:59If I'd known we were baby-sitting, I would've preferred the cash.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01I've only got to save £47 more
0:01:01 > 0:01:03and I can buy back my mum's wedding jewellery.
0:01:03 > 0:01:04Is it too late to get cash?
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Sure, Holli. If you vomit up the beef in black bean sauce
0:01:07 > 0:01:10and sell it back to Mr Lu, you can keep the cash.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12What's this?
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Why've you got my picture in your bag?
0:01:14 > 0:01:16It's for a psychology experiment.
0:01:16 > 0:01:17With my picture?
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Just doing some research to establish if there's any correlation
0:01:20 > 0:01:22between ratings for attractiveness and hair colour.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27So we get people to rate attractiveness out of ten...
0:01:27 > 0:01:29You've been getting people to rate my picture?
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Not just your picture. Lots of people's pictures.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35- And my picture?- People have been rating me for hotness out of ten?
0:01:35 > 0:01:38- It's for science.- What score did I get?- Did people rate my picture?
0:01:38 > 0:01:40- What's my score? Did I get a rating? - Sorry, girls.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43- I cannot share my research data from my psychology projects.- Fuck that!
0:01:43 > 0:01:46I'll hold her down while you two go through her bag.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48That is highly confidential.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52- I can't understand all this. - Give it to me.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54I can't understand all this.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57- I'm not moving till you tell us our scores.- Please tell us, Viva.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59You've got to tell us. Imagine if it was you.
0:01:59 > 0:02:00You'd want to know your rating.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02It's got to be totally confidential
0:02:02 > 0:02:04and you've got to promise not to discuss it with anyone at all.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06- Not even each other.- Fine.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19I'm not discussing it, but I got a really high score!
0:02:19 > 0:02:22- It makes sense. I am blonde.- Amber! - 8.7. Almost 8.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25It's above 8, Amber, and you are discussing it.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28No, I'm not discussing it. I'm just telling them what it is.
0:02:28 > 0:02:298.7, by the way.
0:02:43 > 0:02:455.1! 5.1!
0:02:45 > 0:02:50That's really low. It's incredibly low. It's so low.
0:02:50 > 0:02:51It's an average.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Some of your scores are lower, some of them are higher.
0:02:54 > 0:02:55We add them all together and then we...
0:02:55 > 0:02:57I know how to calculate an average, Viva!
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Then don't read anything into it.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02I want to see all the data. Who gave me what rating?
0:03:02 > 0:03:05I want a list. In fact, I want to see the original notes.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07- Maybe you made a mistake. - We did not make a mistake.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09My project partner, Gabriel Hart, is very thorough.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Oh, no, not Gabriel Hart!
0:03:11 > 0:03:15He's nice and now he knows loads and loads of people think I'm ugly.
0:03:15 > 0:03:16Oh, Saz, it's not like that.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20We're looking at it as scientists. It's just data.
0:03:20 > 0:03:21For you, maybe.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24For me, it's another nail in the coffin of my lovely boyfriend dream.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26And that coffin's already pretty nail-y.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36- Got you a muffin.- I haven't got time to eat a muffin.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39- If it helps, I've got time to eat two muffins.- What you looking for?
0:03:39 > 0:03:42I'm looking for a note for my boyfriend system.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44I think you're nicer.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- No, you're nicer. - You've got a system?
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Yep, having more than one boy on the go gets really complicated.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53All texts are deleted immediately,
0:03:53 > 0:03:56so stuff I have to remember I write down on bits of paper.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59No names, just blue for Tonka and red for Connor.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02- Wow. Complex.- I suppose, if you're going to deceive two guys,
0:04:02 > 0:04:04it's nice to have a special system.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07- I'm not deceiving two guys. - Don't kid yourself, Holli,
0:04:07 > 0:04:09you're basically lying and cheating to two nice guys.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13Nah, I'm lying and cheating to three nice guys.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15- Three?- What?- Yeah, I'm up to three now.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17That's why my system's breaking down
0:04:17 > 0:04:19because I've only got two colour pens.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23Now I can't remember whose birthday it is tomorrow. It's one of them.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25- It's on a note somewhere. - Who's the third one?
0:04:25 > 0:04:27- When did this start? - It started last Thursday.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30During fifth period when Mr Hughes got us to demo CPR on each other.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32- Who is it, Holli? - Curtis from our PE course.
0:04:32 > 0:04:37- Curtis Broome?- Curtis Broome who's headed towards us right now?- Yep.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Holli? Was it Curtis who gave you that love bite on your neck.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Really? Shit.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45- And what about that one? - There's another one? Fuck.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46- CURTIS:- All right?- Yep. You?
0:04:46 > 0:04:49- CURTIS:- You left this at mine. Don't you want it?
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- That's handy. You were just saying you were cold.- Was I?
0:04:55 > 0:04:58So, you two!
0:04:58 > 0:05:01- CURTIS:- Yeah. Us two. She did chest compressions on me
0:05:01 > 0:05:05and nearly broke my ribs, and I was like, "Yes! I like her!"
0:05:05 > 0:05:07So that's the secret of attracting men.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10- CURTIS:- Are we still good for tomorrow? Can't miss my birthday.
0:05:10 > 0:05:11It's your birthday.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15I mean, it's your birthday! Yeah, we're good.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24That is bare saliva-y.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27It's putting me right off my muffins.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40Eighth out of eight teams! Last!
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Holli, you're the captain, how do you explain how shit that was?
0:05:43 > 0:05:44I'm tired, Miss.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Yeah, she's got her market job and she's studying for exams
0:05:47 > 0:05:49and she's got three boyfriends.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51- Three? Holli, how? - I don't know, Miss.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54I seem to be incredibly attractive to the opposite sex.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56There's one, Miss.
0:05:56 > 0:05:57That's Ting Three.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Ting One and Ting Two don't go to this school.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Oh, that's OK, then.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04It's fine to come last in a very important tournament,
0:06:04 > 0:06:07because Holli's vagina is out of control.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- She has got a point about Holli's vagina.- Amber.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13Please don't tell me off, Miss, I'm not wearing waterproof mascara.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15There was a scout today from Chelsea Ladies,
0:06:15 > 0:06:17and, for some reason, they picked you out.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19What? I'm much better than her.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Well, maybe it's because I'm blonde and pretty
0:06:22 > 0:06:24and look a bit more Chelsea than you.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26No, Amber, it's because they thought you played football well.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29They didn't realise that that rainbow flick you just did
0:06:29 > 0:06:32was a complete fluke and that, in reality, you're pretty shit.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34What rainbow flick I did?
0:06:34 > 0:06:37When you kicked it up your leg and flicked it over your head.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Oh, you mean when it bounced funny off that dead pigeon onto my leg
0:06:40 > 0:06:42and I got a fright and accidentally scored.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Yeah, that. He liked that.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47- VIVA:- Well done, Amber. That's amazing.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- VIVA:- Imagine if you actually played for Chelsea Ladies.
0:06:50 > 0:06:51The trials are on Thursday.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Has the pigeon been invited?
0:06:54 > 0:06:57- Hey, Curtis! I've been scouted for Chelsea Ladies.- CURTIS:- Nice.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Yet more proof of a universe where blonde people are unfairly rewarded.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02Just be happy for her!
0:07:02 > 0:07:04OK, I'll try.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Mrs Amber Fabregas. Senora Amber-a Mourinho.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09No, sorry. I can't.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12- CURTIS:- I'll wait for you outside the changing room, yeah?
0:07:17 > 0:07:19I swear my tongue's getting more muscle-y
0:07:19 > 0:07:21since I started dating Curtis.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25This is the original data from the experiment like you wanted.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28But this is no good. It's just numbers.
0:07:28 > 0:07:29It doesn't say who gave me what.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Names and numbers were kept separate for confidentiality.
0:07:32 > 0:07:364! Who gave me a 4! Does everyone think I'm clapped?
0:07:36 > 0:07:39No, course not. Clapped would be more of a 3.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Oh, like that person gave me. And that person.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44All I'm saying is, now I've been officially identified
0:07:44 > 0:07:46as gifted and talented Chelsea material,
0:07:46 > 0:07:48- I should be captain of our team. - I'm the captain.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Has your talent been officially recognised, Holli?
0:07:51 > 0:07:52Where's my captain's armband?
0:07:52 > 0:07:54If you can't look after the captain's armband,
0:07:54 > 0:07:56you don't deserve to be captain.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00- You're wearing it under your jacket, aren't you?- No.- Give it back.- No.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Oh, bollocks. I can't fight you. I'm too tired.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05It's not so much the sex, it's the cheating.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08It's too draining coming up with all these lies.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Hang on. Are you hoping for sympathy?
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Someone gave me a 10!
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Everyone! I got a 10!
0:08:15 > 0:08:16There you go.
0:08:16 > 0:08:22So maybe there were some 2s, 3s, 4s and 1s, but there was also a 10.
0:08:22 > 0:08:23You never told me someone gave me a 10!
0:08:23 > 0:08:26I haven't memorised everyone's individual score.
0:08:26 > 0:08:27This changes everything.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29There's someone out there who thinks I'm perfect.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Course there is. You're gorgeous.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34Yeah, for someone not blonde, you're quite pretty.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38But a 10? Out of 10? That's a perfect score.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40I've got to find Mr 10 and make him mine.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43- But he might be a tosser. - No, he's my soulmate. I know it.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46I need to find him. Viva, you've got to give me the list
0:08:46 > 0:08:48of all the names of every single person you and Gabriel asked.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50No. It's supposed to be confidential.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Just get me the list.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Ha! Look at Holli.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56PHONE BEEPS
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Tonka's waiting outside. He thought he'd surprise her.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03But Curtis is waiting outside for her as well.
0:09:03 > 0:09:04Holli! Wake up!
0:09:07 > 0:09:08What's happening?
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Curtis and Tonka are both waiting for you outside right now.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13- Huh?- What are you going to do? - We need to think fast.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Curtis and Tonka are both here. Together?
0:09:16 > 0:09:17Outside, waiting for you.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Amber, go and check the window at the back of the loos
0:09:19 > 0:09:22and see if we can slip Holli out that way.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Holli could fit through.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26But not Holli's boobs.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28PHONE BEEPS
0:09:28 > 0:09:32That's Connor. Shit, I'm getting really confused.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34- I don't know what I arranged with who.- Oh, Holli.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37I knew this slutty behaviour would get you into trouble.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43There's no point pretending to have a panic attack.
0:09:43 > 0:09:44What will that achieve?
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Oh, it's a real panic attack.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Carry on then.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53I've never seen you have a real panic attack before.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57It's only now I realise how genius your fake ones are.
0:09:57 > 0:09:58Try to slow your down your breathing.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01It's OK, it's OK, we'll think of something.
0:10:01 > 0:10:02Won't you, Viva?
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Listen, Holli, if we help you escape from here
0:10:07 > 0:10:10do you promise to dump two of them and just keep one boyfriend?
0:10:14 > 0:10:16How well do you know Sabina?
0:10:16 > 0:10:17A bit. Why?
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Right, so, we need to help Holli decide who to dump and who to keep.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41- I like them all.- We know. That's how you got in this mess.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44- Just go with your heart, Holli. - I like them all.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46- Go with your gut then. - I like them all.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Go with your, you know, erotic zones.
0:10:49 > 0:10:50I like them all.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Well, I anticipated this,
0:10:52 > 0:10:56so I've prepared a useful chart to help Holli make her decision.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58I didn't have a picture of Curtis as he's quite recent,
0:10:58 > 0:11:00so I've just drawn him.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02And in what way is this chart useful?
0:11:02 > 0:11:03Well, we suggest qualities
0:11:03 > 0:11:06like kindness, good sense of humour, loyalty.
0:11:06 > 0:11:07Holli gives them a mark,
0:11:07 > 0:11:10we add everything up and work out who's won.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Oh, it's like a secret boyfriend Olympics
0:11:12 > 0:11:13they don't even know they're in.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16So, what makes a good boyfriend?
0:11:16 > 0:11:19- Nice teeth.- Intelligence. - Treats you like a princess.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23Has the ability to identify birds from their call.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Good in bed, but not a pervert.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28- I want a bit of a pervert. - Perverted in a nice way.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32- Doesn't dance like a wanker. - Doesn't criticise your body, ever,
0:11:32 > 0:11:34even if you've eaten three tonnes of chocolate
0:11:34 > 0:11:37and your guts look like a big white balloon full of porridge.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39- Good fighting skills.- Nice kisser.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Slow down. I can't write that fast.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Ability to write fast.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46- That's a really useful attribute. - This is going to take bare long.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47I anticipated that,
0:11:47 > 0:11:50so I've prepared popcorn to help us through.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52This is salt. This is sweet.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54I don't know which I love more. Salt or sweet.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56I'm having both. Salt for main. Sweet for dessert.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Or both at the same time!
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Popcorn cocktail!
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Mm, is this already a thing
0:12:06 > 0:12:09or have I just invented an incredible new recipe?
0:12:10 > 0:12:15- Eats up their veg.- Nice eyes like a puppy.- Honesty.- Nice to my family.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18- Clean, well-shaped ears.- Photogenic.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21- Strong moral compass. - Not a one-minute man.- Organised.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24- Heart of gold.- Good sense of direction.- Can squat more than me.
0:12:26 > 0:12:27Shiny pubes.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34Holli, do you promise to do exactly what the chart tells you to do?
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Course I will. It's too stressful having three blokes on the go.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Plus, my fanny can't take the pace.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43Right, all I need to do is add all this up
0:12:43 > 0:12:45and work out exactly how many points each boy scored.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48- It's going to take ages.- It's interesting how you haven't scored
0:12:48 > 0:12:50any boy 10 out of 10 for anything.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52The highest is Tonka's 9 for his ability
0:12:52 > 0:12:53to hold his breath underwater.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56- Joint with Connor's 9 for pet care. - He loves that salamander.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59You'd have to think someone was pretty fucking amazing
0:12:59 > 0:13:00to give them a 10, right?
0:13:07 > 0:13:09God, Saz, you're not just going up to people
0:13:09 > 0:13:11- and asking them if they gave you a 10, are you?- No!
0:13:11 > 0:13:15I got Amber to just go up to people and ask them if they gave me a 10.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17- These are the only two left.- So, you really think it's Harry or Omar?
0:13:17 > 0:13:20If everyone else has been eliminated, it must be.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24So it's either Harry, nerdy boy with all the hair,
0:13:24 > 0:13:27or Omar, beautiful Omar who I've had a secret crush on
0:13:27 > 0:13:30since he brought a dead squirrel in to show and tell.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32You've had a crush on him since primary school?
0:13:32 > 0:13:33I never thought I'd have a chance with him.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36But what if it's not Omar? What if it's Harry?
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Well, there's something sexy about a boy who's team captain.
0:13:39 > 0:13:40Even if it is chess team.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43So, basically, you like them both. It's a win-win situation.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45It's a win-win situation.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48But I've lost a win-win situation before, so who knows?
0:13:48 > 0:13:50And I see you've changed your Facebook status
0:13:50 > 0:13:52to In A Relationship.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Yeah. For the first time ever.
0:13:54 > 0:13:55Maybe a bit premature?
0:13:55 > 0:13:58One of these boys is going to be a very happy boy.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01He thinks of me as a distant and unapproachable 10.
0:14:01 > 0:14:02Little does he know...
0:14:02 > 0:14:04You're a desperate 3.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21Right. So, I've added up all the scores from Holli's boyfriend board
0:14:21 > 0:14:23and I can now announce the results.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26All the votes have been counted and independently verified.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30You have to say that before you announce the winner of anything.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33- I used a calculator and...- Voting is now closed. Don't call now.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Your vote won't be counted, but you may still be charged.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38So, who won?
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Like I said, I used a calculator
0:14:40 > 0:14:43and I did it three times just to be on the safe side.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44Who fucking won?
0:14:44 > 0:14:49So, Connor got 402.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Tonka got 402.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55- And Curtis got 402.- What?
0:14:55 > 0:14:57There's no winner. They all scored the same.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01- No! What do I do now? - It's kind of spooky.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Yeah. Like God wants you to have three boyfriends.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05- No, he doesn't.- How do you know?
0:15:05 > 0:15:09- Because lying to three people is obviously wrong.- Or is it?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11- Yes.- I'm going to keep them all.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13No. That's stupid.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15It's not stupid. The chart has spoken.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Yeah, and she did promise she'd do what the chart said.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19I'll review the situation after next Thursday.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Next Thursday? Your birthday?
0:15:21 > 0:15:25Wait. Is this because you want three lots of birthday presents?
0:15:25 > 0:15:26No.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28PHONE BUZZES
0:15:31 > 0:15:32Oh, no.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35OK.
0:15:35 > 0:15:36OK.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Look, there's my picture!
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Why is your picture in the newsletter?
0:15:42 > 0:15:45"Sixth-Former Amber Dean tells us how she feels
0:15:45 > 0:15:48"about being asked to attend a trial for Chelsea Ladies.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52"'I feel amazing. It's a shame my mates didn't get picked out,
0:15:52 > 0:15:54"'but they just aren't talented enough.'"
0:15:54 > 0:15:55You said that about us?
0:15:55 > 0:15:59That's bollocks, Amber. You only did that rainbow flick by accident.
0:15:59 > 0:16:00Well, I was thinking about it
0:16:00 > 0:16:03and, actually, I don't think it was an accident.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07- "Amber says her skills are on a..." - Higher level.- "..higher level."
0:16:07 > 0:16:09I've got to go. Connor wants to meet. He's upset.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Amber, you know you probably won't even get through the trials?
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Oh, Sazzy, Sazzy, Sazzy,
0:16:15 > 0:16:17what do you know about high-level football?
0:16:24 > 0:16:26So, all this time she's been back with my dad,
0:16:26 > 0:16:28- she's been seeing other men behind his back.- Oh.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31And not just one, that would be bad enough.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34She's been seeing two other men behind my dad's back.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37- That's really...- Two!
0:16:37 > 0:16:39They've had their ups and downs,
0:16:39 > 0:16:41but I never thought she could do something so low.
0:16:41 > 0:16:46- So slutty.- I wouldn't call it "slutty".- Really?
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Well, how many men would it have to be before it was slutty?
0:16:48 > 0:16:52I'd say four. Anything under four I'd just call it fun-loving.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55- I know what you're doing, Holli. - Do you?
0:16:55 > 0:16:57You're trying to make me feel better about my slut mother.
0:16:57 > 0:17:02Yes. Exactly. Maybe she thought he wouldn't mind that much.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04Of course he'd mind. He's got feelings, Holli.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07He's not just some heartless moron who doesn't care.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Maybe she thought he wasn't serious about her.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12Holli, they've been married, divorced, married again, split up.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15I think she knows it's not just some casual fling.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17So, it would be OK if it was a casual fling?
0:17:17 > 0:17:21But it's not. He's always telling her he loves her.
0:17:22 > 0:17:27But thanks, though, for trying to make me feel better.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29That's OK.
0:17:29 > 0:17:35You know, you're the one good thing I've got in my life, Holli.
0:17:35 > 0:17:36I love you.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44You gave me a 4? A 4? Seriously? A 4?
0:17:44 > 0:17:46What do you know, chess nerd?
0:17:46 > 0:17:48The only mating you'll ever do is checkmate.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52FYI, you need a hair wash. Your hair smells of compost.
0:17:56 > 0:17:57He gave me a 4.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00I heard. Everyone heard.
0:18:00 > 0:18:01He said I wasn't his type.
0:18:01 > 0:18:06If it makes you feel any better, his average score was a 5.6.
0:18:06 > 0:18:105.6? That's 0.5 higher than my average score.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Oh, yeah. I forgot that.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15- I really thought it was going to be him.- Me, too.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Out of the nerdy boy and the good-looking popular boy,
0:18:18 > 0:18:20I thought there was no chance that my Mr 10
0:18:20 > 0:18:24- would turn out to be the good-looking popular boy.- Nor me.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26- So, it seems as if it's Omar. - So, what now?
0:18:26 > 0:18:29Well, I was thinking, wouldn't it be romantic if,
0:18:29 > 0:18:31instead of just asking him out,
0:18:31 > 0:18:34if I record myself singing a song for him, and put it on YouTube
0:18:34 > 0:18:37and then dedicate it to him and then send him a link to it on Facebook.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Oh, my God, Saz, no.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42But why not? Just imagine, one day we would look back on it
0:18:42 > 0:18:45and have this beautiful moment where I sang my love to the world.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Or the tragic moment where you end up with 20 million hits
0:18:48 > 0:18:50like that boy whose moobs can do the Macarena.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54God, Holli, you look terrible.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56- I can't sleep.- It's the guilt.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00No, it's usually because there's some bloke trying to shag me.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02OK, OK, it's the guilt.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05So, dump two boyfriends and you'll feel a lot better.
0:19:05 > 0:19:06I'm not dumping two. I'm dumping all three.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10- What? But what about the chart? - The chart's a fool. It was wrong.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13- I'm pretty certain it was accurate, I...- No, not wrong in that way.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16- It was wrong of me to do it. - What? Morally wrong?
0:19:16 > 0:19:18If morally wrong means your insides feel bad
0:19:18 > 0:19:21like you've eaten a really old pasty, then, yeah, morally wrong.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24- Don't you want to just keep one? - Nope.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Curtis is happy all the time and it gets on my tits.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30Tonka's into rugby and he's a bit of a dick, if I'm honest, And Connor...
0:19:30 > 0:19:32I can't keep seeing Connor...
0:19:35 > 0:19:36Connor said he loved me.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39- BOTH:- Aw!- No. Shut up. I don't want some bloke who loves me.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Oh, no. Why would you want a relationship
0:19:41 > 0:19:43with a genuinely nice person who loves you.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46- That would be really weird.- Maybe that's what you want, but not me.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Holli, maybe I've got this all wrong,
0:19:48 > 0:19:50but maybe, maybe,
0:19:50 > 0:19:53you're scared of love.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Don't be fucking stupid.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Give us a crisp.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02- Nice hair.- I know. It's for the trials.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05- The football trials?- Yeah. I want to look my best.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08- To play football?- It's tonight. - Oh, right, good luck.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11But you're going to come with me, aren't you? You can all come.
0:20:11 > 0:20:12You could pick up some tips
0:20:12 > 0:20:15from me and the other gifted and talented higher-level footballers.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Nah, soz, Amber. I've got three blokes to dump.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20- I've got a lot of revision to do. Exams and all that.- Me, too.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Though, let's face it, I pretty much know everything
0:20:22 > 0:20:26- I need to know already.- So you could come?- Yeah, but I don't want to.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30So no-one's coming to support me?
0:20:30 > 0:20:32You can make friends with some Chelsea Ladies
0:20:32 > 0:20:34who are more your level.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Oh, OK. I'll go on my own, then.
0:20:38 > 0:20:43- Who feels shitty?- We should've gone with her.- I feel terrible.
0:20:43 > 0:20:44It's not too late.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Yeah, we can surprise her, that's friendship.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Still being nice when someone's been a right twat.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52She might be so surprised she accidentally scores another goal.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Let's really surprise her. Put it on Facebook.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57- Get a load of people to show up. - Yeah, because, let's face it,
0:20:57 > 0:21:00she's shit at football and she's not going to get through.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02- She's going to need cheering up. - Shall I put, "Bring drink?"
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Yes, because a couple of cans of peach and vodka's
0:21:05 > 0:21:08really going to make everything better.
0:21:08 > 0:21:09Why are you saying that like it's not true?
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Watching Amber fuck up is more painful than I thought it would be.
0:21:35 > 0:21:39- And I thought it would be extremely painful.- I'm enjoying it.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Oh, shame!
0:21:41 > 0:21:44That's your ball, Amber! Get it back off her, Amber!
0:21:44 > 0:21:46OK, get back up, Amber!
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Oh, my God! What's she doing?
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Amber! That's a netball move!
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Maybe we shouldn't have invited all her friends.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56Too late. Look, it's Curtis.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58Shit. It's Curtis.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Saz, don't look now, but Omar's there
0:22:00 > 0:22:02and he's all snuggled up to Emma O'Brien.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05Why is Omar snuggled up with Emma O'Brien?
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Because he's dunking his Twix in her latte.
0:22:07 > 0:22:08Oh, God, do you have to be so dirty?
0:22:08 > 0:22:13She's not being dirty. He really is dunking his Twix in her latte.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Oh, I thought... Never mind.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19- What are you so bothered about Omar for?- Well, me and Omar...
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Don't tell anyone, but Omar likes me.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28- Omar likes you?- What?
0:22:29 > 0:22:33- Nothing.- You better go over, Holli. Curtis is waving.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Ha! She doesn't know it was Omar who gave me a 10.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Well, we think it was.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43It's the only logical conclusion. Shall I go ask him?
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Is it really a good idea to ask him in public?
0:22:45 > 0:22:49Yes, because I want everyone to see me, Saz the Weirdo,
0:22:49 > 0:22:51being chosen by a high-status alpha male for his partner.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Not now.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Hey, Holli, what's up?
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Thanks for coming. Thanks for bringing drink.
0:22:59 > 0:23:03I can't take the drink though, because I'm dumping you.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05- What?- I can't do this any more.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07The lying, the cheating, the paying for three phones.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09What? Three?
0:23:09 > 0:23:12I've got three boyfriends on the go. I'm three-timing you.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15I like you, but it's last in, first out. So you're out.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18Plus, the way you kiss makes my tongue hurt.
0:23:18 > 0:23:19You can't just dump me like that.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21I only hooked up with you because I had five ciders.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24I'm all right with four. Five and I start to make bad choices.
0:23:24 > 0:23:25Please don't do this.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27It was after five ciders that I bit our social worker.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30But, me and you, we had a connection.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32- God, I really do feel bad. - You feel bad.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Yeah. I feel sick. It's horrible.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37I will have to have that beer.
0:23:44 > 0:23:45I've dumped Curtis.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47He's having another beer.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50Yep. I think Holli is going to want another beer, too.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53- Yep, I'd say so.- Why?- Surprise.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57- Huh?- Hi, Tonka.- What you doing here? - You put an event on Facebook.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59- For people who know Amber. - I know Amber.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03- Jesus, how can anyone miss from there?- So what have you been up to?
0:24:03 > 0:24:04It's been hard getting hold of you.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Tonka, get off! It's over!
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Me and you, it's finished.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13- Finished? Why?- Let's not get into all that.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Well, you've got to tell me why.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18It was never really going to work, was it? You're posh, I'm not.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21I used to think your face was cute, and, now, I just think it's annoying
0:24:21 > 0:24:25and I don't think you wash your area all that often.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Curtis, I know you're angry, but maybe now isn't a good time.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Holli, I wash my... I wash everything every day.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34CURTIS: You know she's had three of us on the go, right?
0:24:34 > 0:24:36- I never knew you both were going to be here.- I'm one of three?
0:24:36 > 0:24:40CURTIS: Yeah. She's had three different phones sneaking around.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43- Three?- CURTIS: I was coming over here to smack you in the face. Pow!
0:24:43 > 0:24:46CURTIS: But, you know what? Now I'm here, I feel sorry for you,
0:24:46 > 0:24:50- because you're just another little mug, like me.- Seriously? Three?
0:24:50 > 0:24:52CURTIS: Has he got brain problems or something?
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Right, Holli. Walk away. Just walk away.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59- What about Omar? - I think he's busy, Saz.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01I'm not having that.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Oi! Did you give me a 10 rating or what?
0:25:05 > 0:25:07I guess that's a no, then.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Everyone on that list has said no.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Mr 10 is the invisible man.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14I'm going to call Connor now. I'm going to get this over with.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16- Are you going to dump him? - Yeah, I'm all warmed up.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18I might as well get all the dumping over with.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Holls, no need to call.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22What the fu...
0:25:22 > 0:25:25You did ask everyone to meet you here to support Amber.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28You're here. I was just going to call you.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Come on, Saz. Let's give them some privacy.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32No, not too far. I want to hear what they say.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Am I too late? Are you all right? You look upset.
0:25:35 > 0:25:39I'm fine. I... I...
0:25:39 > 0:25:40You smell of beer.
0:25:40 > 0:25:45- I... I...- Holli, what is it?
0:25:45 > 0:25:46I love you.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52Shit. That wasn't meant to happen.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02Hit me! I want you to hit me!
0:26:17 > 0:26:19I don't think I want to be the captain
0:26:19 > 0:26:20of the football team any more.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23- You had better have this back. - Thanks. Sorry about the trial.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26If it was done on hair, you definitely would have got in.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Oh, well.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31- Shall we get muffins?- Later, I'm meeting my project partner, Gabriel.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33We're finalising our results
0:26:33 > 0:26:36from our attractiveness slash hair colour correlation experiment.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39- Don't tell me. People rated blondes higher.- Obviously.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42You don't really need to do an experiment to work that out.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46Actually redheads came out on top in our sample group.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Though, we think the Dawson triplets may have caused an anomaly.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Oh, my God! I've just worked out how I got my 10.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01You felt sorry for me because my scores were so pathetic.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04- You put a 10 in there to make me feel better.- That's not true.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Yeah, it's classic Viva.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09Bossy, interfering, thinking you know it all.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11No, that is rubbish.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14Not your description of me, that actually sounds pretty accurate,
0:27:14 > 0:27:16but I would never put in a random 10.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18It would've skewed our results.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21Well, maybe it wasn't a 10. Maybe it was a 01 upside down.
0:27:21 > 0:27:22It was a 10.
0:27:22 > 0:27:26Or maybe someone said 10 for a joke and then denied it later.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29No, I think people gave very honest ratings.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31I know I gave honest scores.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32You gave ratings?
0:27:32 > 0:27:37- Yeah, course.- And your project partner?- Gabriel?- Gabriel Hart.
0:27:37 > 0:27:38Yeah, he gave ratings.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43Oh, my God, he gave ratings.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52- Hi, Gabriel. You ready to hit the library?- GABRIEL:- Yeah, sure.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Oh, I don't think you've met my friends.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56- Amber.- Hi. - GABRIEL:- Hi, Amber.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58- Holli.- All right? - GABRIEL:- Hello, Holli.
0:27:58 > 0:27:59And Saz.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04- NERVOUSLY:- Hello, Saz.
0:28:04 > 0:28:05Hello.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07# People keep saying that I'm doing it wrong
0:28:07 > 0:28:11# But I say it feels all right
0:28:11 > 0:28:15# I really do try, really do try, really do try
0:28:16 > 0:28:19# There's a million things that I can't change
0:28:19 > 0:28:22# But maybe it's all right
0:28:22 > 0:28:25# Cos this is my life, this is my life, this is my life
0:28:25 > 0:28:27# People keep saying that I'm doing it wrong
0:28:27 > 0:28:30- # It's going to be fine - People keep saying that I'm doing it wrong
0:28:30 > 0:28:33# People keep saying that I'm doing it wrong
0:28:33 > 0:28:36- # It's going to be fine - People keep saying that I'm doing it wrong. #