0:00:39 > 0:00:45- Is that you, Timothy?- Yes, Mother! - Did you wipe your feet?- Yes, Mother.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48- Well, do them again.- Yes, Mother.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54- Cleaning them now, Mother!- Good boy.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59- Hello, darling.- Hello.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03- Good day at the library?- No. - That's nice.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06- I've been having a good old clear-out.- Clear-out?
0:01:06 > 0:01:07Don't worry, nothing of yours.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Just kitchen stuff and your father's rubbish.
0:01:10 > 0:01:11- Mother...- Look at your face!
0:01:11 > 0:01:14- What?- Lick. - Mother, that's a duster!
0:01:14 > 0:01:18Look at you. Anyone would think you hadn't got a mother.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20I think they know.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Who else would comb my hair and give me a lick wash in public?
0:01:23 > 0:01:26We don't listen to silly boys. Ooh, look...
0:01:26 > 0:01:31- Are my clean shirts in the...? - Pickled onions. 1945.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Only one left.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Waste not, want not. Oh, Timmy.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40I wish you wouldn't pull faces.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44The wind might change and then where would you be?
0:01:44 > 0:01:48- On the shelf. Say ah.- Ah!
0:01:48 > 0:01:51There. All gone. Good boy.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53What's that you've just given me to eat?
0:01:53 > 0:01:55I can't read the label.
0:01:56 > 0:02:01Cloves. You've just given me a clove to eat.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Well, there would be millions that would be happy to have a
0:02:04 > 0:02:06clove to eat. Where are you going?
0:02:06 > 0:02:09- I'm going towards the door.- Why?
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Because it's the only way through the wall.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17Oh, granted, I didn't ask permission. Please?
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Timmy, you always seek to hurt. It's not nice.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Mother, are my clean shirts in the...?
0:02:22 > 0:02:25- You're not going out tonight. - You know I go out Wednesday.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Wednesday night, amateur dramatics. You know...
0:02:27 > 0:02:31You don't appreciate how lonely it is here on Wednesdays.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33You always have Father to talk to.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37- He isn't blowing his nose all the time.- Yes, he is!
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Mother, you always say you want me to meet people of my own age.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44I don't want to meet people my own age when I'm 30 years older than they are.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- < FATHER CLEARS THROAT - You've woken your father up now.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Is he going to... Yes.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52HE BLOWS HIS NOSE LOUDLY
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Thank you, Dad. There we are.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Not quite as loud as the 12th green at Sunningdale
0:02:57 > 0:03:00and Jack Nicklaus tried to kill him with his putter. Goodbye, Mother.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03You're not going anywhere without a decent meal inside you.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- Mother, I shall be late.- You are a growing boy.
0:03:06 > 0:03:07I'm not a growing boy.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11I'm 40 years old, Mother. What you see is all you are going to get!
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Thank you, Timmy. You're 41, by the way.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20I mean, you could be a grandmother. I could be a father.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22So that's why you are looking so pale.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- You've got something to tell me. - No, I'm not pregnant.
0:03:27 > 0:03:31Timothy, you have to keep your strength up. Now then...
0:03:31 > 0:03:34There is the rest of this flan, yesterday.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Monday's bubble and squeak.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39This last cold potato you have apparently got
0:03:39 > 0:03:44something against or the fish pie from Sunday.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Cat turned her nose up at it again, did she?
0:03:46 > 0:03:50- I'll have the flan, Mother.- You're going to have all of it.- All of it?!
0:03:50 > 0:03:54Mother, I don't want to be late. I shall miss the auditions,
0:03:54 > 0:03:57end up getting the part of the fellow who was murdered in the first two minutes, like last year.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59You were very good as a dead body.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04- Until I snored, yes.- Hands?
0:04:06 > 0:04:10I don't want those brazen hussies at dramatics saying I don't feed you.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14No brazen hussies at the Ravenscross Thespians. More's the pity.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17Well, I didn't like what I saw in that American show you did.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21- You mean Guys And Dolls? - Those girls looked fast to me.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Well, they were acting, Mother.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27The same girls were all nuns in The Sound Of Music!
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Except Mrs Horsfield, of course. She was a storm trooper.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32She had her own jackboots.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37All joints on the table will be carved.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42- What, pardon, what?- Elbows!
0:04:44 > 0:04:47And you wonder you haven't been promoted at work.
0:04:47 > 0:04:51Quite right, at the library promotion goes entirely on elbows.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53It's the same all over the world.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57President Reagan swept to victory on the elbow vote.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01It's you that's making yourself late talking. Sidney! Sidney!
0:05:01 > 0:05:05Thanks to Timothy you've got to eat now.
0:05:05 > 0:05:06Where are you?
0:05:18 > 0:05:21- There's a good boy.- Yes... Oh...
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Well, Mother, I must be rushing otherwise I shall be late.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30- Not before pudding.- Pudding?
0:05:30 > 0:05:34- Surely you haven't forgotten last Tuesday's spotted dick.- Oh, Mother!
0:05:43 > 0:05:44Here we are.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Sorry. Ha-ha!
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Apologising to the furniture.
0:05:49 > 0:05:53There we are. That's it.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58- Cheers!- Cheers. - Cheers, Frank.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02I think I will go and ring Mother. I said I would.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06- Tim, why don't you just sit down? - Right. I'll do it later.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Frank, you didn't think I...
0:06:12 > 0:06:16You didn't think I was too masculine at the auditions, sort of too...
0:06:17 > 0:06:21- ..too butch?- No, no. Just right, Tim.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24I liked the macho way you spat at the piano.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28Ha-ha! That was Tuesday's spotted dick.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35It was a bit rich, you know. More spots than dick!
0:06:39 > 0:06:41If you get the part,
0:06:41 > 0:06:44are you sure you can maintain that level of virility?
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Well, put it this way, Frank,
0:06:46 > 0:06:50when I played the cat in Dick Whittington there were no complaints.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Nobody thought I had been doctored, that's for sure.
0:06:54 > 0:06:59- What do you think of the new girl, talking of- tomcats? Which new girl?
0:06:59 > 0:07:03- Annette.- Annette? Is that the nicely dressed one with the...
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Nice, you know, T-shirt on and the bib and braces
0:07:05 > 0:07:08and trainers and the Save The Whale badge and the wedding ring
0:07:08 > 0:07:10on the third finger of her left hand?
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- That's the one.- I didn't notice her.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Well, she noticed you.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19Ha-ha, well, they do. Sort of animal thing.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Basic thing. Did she really?
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Oh, yes. I was talking to her.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28She said she'd seen you in The King And I that night you forgot to take your glasses off.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Frank, I'm trying to forget I was one of the Siamese children,
0:07:31 > 0:07:35if you don't mind. Did you tell her I was a black belt at karate?
0:07:35 > 0:07:38- No. You aren't.- No, but it's worth a try, isn't it?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40You didn't tell her I'm a librarian, did you?
0:07:40 > 0:07:43- Tim, your secret is safe with me. - Pork scratching?
0:07:45 > 0:07:48So, she's married, I take it, is she?
0:07:48 > 0:07:50No, her old man has gone off, as a matter of fact.
0:07:50 > 0:07:55Oh, lead me to her. Ha-ha. Let the dog see the rabbit.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Run it up the flagpole and see if anyone bites, woof-woof!
0:07:58 > 0:08:02Hold on, Rover. There's your rabbit in the other bar.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05- Talking to Geoffrey.- Yes, that's the girl. She looks really lovely.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- Annette!- No, not now. Don't bring her over now.- What do you mean?
0:08:08 > 0:08:12- I'm not ready. I haven't got anything to say.- What's the matter with you?
0:08:12 > 0:08:16- Get rid of her.- Hello, Frank. - Oh!- Sorry.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Annette, this is Timothy.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22So it is, of course it is. Ha-ha! It always has been, hasn't it?
0:08:22 > 0:08:27Didn't I see you at the attractions? Sorry, at the...auditions.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Excuse me. Freudian gymslip... Slip, sorry!
0:08:30 > 0:08:33- Well, I think I will be getting along.- No, don't go! Don't go.
0:08:33 > 0:08:38I'm just going to have a word with Geoffrey. Woof-woof.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Ha-ha! Sorry.
0:08:55 > 0:08:56- However...- Yes?
0:09:08 > 0:09:12- Would you mind very much if I blew my nose?- No.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21It's cold potato.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23So it is.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29I wouldn't like you to think I'm the sort of person who
0:09:29 > 0:09:31goes around with a cold potato in his pocket.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33No, no.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Not all the time, anyway. Good heavens, no.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40- I feel we're really getting to know each other.- Absolutely.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Excuse me.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Sorry.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03- I, um...- Yes?- Well...
0:10:03 > 0:10:06I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your audition,
0:10:06 > 0:10:09how good you were. Because people ought to be complimented
0:10:09 > 0:10:11and I thought you were wonderful.
0:10:11 > 0:10:16Oh, did you? Thank you. I really don't know what to say.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Sorry. Didn't mean to embarrass you.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Oh, no, you didn't, you didn't, no.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22I liked it.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23I haven't been complimented
0:10:23 > 0:10:27since I was an outstanding cat in Dick Whittington.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29They awarded me the costume.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32- Oh, terrific. Do you...?- Yes.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35- Sorry, do I what, sorry? - Live hereabouts?- Um...
0:10:35 > 0:10:40Yes, I live with my mother. And my father to a lesser extent.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43- You live at home?- Well, they need me. They need me, you know.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45It's not just the money.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49It's a sense of a firm hand on the tiller, you know.
0:10:49 > 0:10:50So I am a bachelor.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54- Not a confirmed one, of course, none of that.- No, no, of course.
0:10:56 > 0:11:00No, I come and go as I please - on the motorbike.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03Leader of the pack, that kind of thing.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06I work out quite a lot.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10I'm in quite good shape for a man of my age.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Not that I am a man of my age but...
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Ha-ha. What about you, are you avail...?
0:11:15 > 0:11:18I mean...
0:11:18 > 0:11:22- Oh, yes. We... - We? We? Sorry.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24No, I'm an I.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Yes, I thought I'd found Mr Right
0:11:26 > 0:11:29but he turned into Mr Wrong and went off with Miss Fantastic.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Oh, dear.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36She'd have to be pretty fantastic to be more fantastic than, you know...
0:11:36 > 0:11:39you know, than you are.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41- Do you really think so?- Yes.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46I don't suppose you're going on this riverboat shuffle thing tomorrow
0:11:46 > 0:11:51- night, are you?- No. Mother said no. Well...
0:11:51 > 0:11:54What has she got to do with it? Who is she to say no?
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Yes, I am going on this riverboat shuffle thing tomorrow night.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59- Unless you are not going.- Oh, I am.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03Oh, good. Then we're both going together.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Lovely. Oh, dear. Who would have thought this morning, here
0:12:06 > 0:12:10I am sitting with both elbows on the table, going to the riverboat
0:12:10 > 0:12:13shuffle thing tomorrow night with a genuine brazen hussy!
0:12:13 > 0:12:16- Who's that?- You are.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20- I'm not a brazen hussy. - Well, Mother thinks you are.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22I don't think you are at all, of course. Forget I said that.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26- Best to forget that. Ha-ha. - Well, I think I will be going now.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29No, not just when we were getting to...
0:12:29 > 0:12:33I thought we were getting... Annette! Annette! Look, what I meant was...
0:12:33 > 0:12:34PHONE RINGS
0:12:34 > 0:12:38Hello? Yes, Mother.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Annette!
0:12:41 > 0:12:44What about the gumboots, Mother?
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Annette...
0:12:47 > 0:12:51All over his feet?
0:12:51 > 0:12:55Well, Mother. I'm going to be very late tonight, I'm afraid. Yes.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Yes, I have got a clean hankie.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Yes, and my comb... What?
0:13:00 > 0:13:03BLOWS KISS
0:13:03 > 0:13:04Sorry, no. Not...
0:13:06 > 0:13:11All right, then, Mother. I'll see you then. OK, bye.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Annette! Annette!
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Oh, where did she...?
0:13:17 > 0:13:21What possessed me to say "genuine brazen hussy"? I don't...
0:13:21 > 0:13:25Sorry, I'm talking to myself. All water under the bridge.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29You win some, you lose some, I suppose. Oh, dear.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33ARCADE MACHINE SOUND EFFECTS
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Bloody Dakrons!
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Oh, I didn't like the look of her anyway.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44I'm not a brazen hussy.
0:13:44 > 0:13:49Oh, ha-ha! Oh, I'm sorry about that terrible...
0:13:49 > 0:13:53- I came back because I liked talking to you.- Thank you very much.
0:13:53 > 0:13:58- You're not like the others.- Well, you're even less like the others.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Perhaps we can both be not like the others together.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Isn't that wonderful?
0:14:04 > 0:14:08- Well, I have to get back now. - Oh, no, let me take you, please.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11I will give you a lift. Would you like to come this way?
0:14:11 > 0:14:14I... Have you ever...?
0:14:14 > 0:14:17That's mine. You borrow that. I'll borrow Frank's.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20- Have you ever ridden pillion before? - Yes, I have.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22It's a pretty powerful bike, this.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27It's parked out the back. Will you follow me?
0:14:36 > 0:14:40Timothy has left his tea to get cold, as usual.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42It's quite a mild sort of day.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49I might as well talk to the sideboard.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54Timothy has just delivered another bombshell.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- Hm?- It's another girl.- Hm.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02- They're going out tonight. - Oh, good for him.- On a cruise.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Up the river, if you please.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Absolutely no consideration.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Tonight has always been his bath night.
0:15:13 > 0:15:18And off he goes. Down yours, Jack, I'm all right.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21- Up.- What?- Up.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27# ...would be just any night tonight
0:15:27 > 0:15:29# La-da-dee... #
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Yes, Timothy. We've got the point, thank you.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35- You know your father's furious. - Is he?!
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Are we to take it that you have made up your mind about this evening?
0:15:40 > 0:15:44- Yes, Mother. - And what about your piano practice?
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Mother, as it's taken me 32 years to reach grade two...
0:15:50 > 0:15:55I'm not going to be grade four until I'm 73.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58So, I'm not going to be Rubinstein.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02I'm not going to be Reg Varney until I'm 60.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05- Timothy, wash your mouth out. - Sorry, Father.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08- You realise we know nothing about this girl.- Why should you?
0:16:08 > 0:16:12She's my friend, Mother, isn't she? She is my friend.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14All right, her name is Annette.
0:16:14 > 0:16:19She has a full range of working parts and optional blue eyes.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Just as I thought. A jumped-up little thing from nowhere.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25What do you mean? I'm the only jumped-up little thing around here.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28- You know what I mean. What's her background?- Background?
0:16:28 > 0:16:31- What do you want me to do, take references?- Don't be impertinent.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35- Impertinence?- Language, Timothy. - Oh, shut up, Father!
0:16:35 > 0:16:36Fair enough.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Do you wish to get down from the table?
0:16:43 > 0:16:45No, I wish to get down from the cliff, Mother.
0:16:45 > 0:16:46You are driving me mad.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49And don't shout in front of the canary!
0:16:49 > 0:16:53- We haven't had a canary for years! - That's not the point!
0:16:53 > 0:16:58- Mind the marmalade. - I will mind the marmalade, Mother.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02I will mind the marmalade. By Jove. I shall mind the marmalade.
0:17:02 > 0:17:07Did you see that? He threw the marmalade out of the back door.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Didn't hit the cold frame, did he?
0:17:10 > 0:17:13- Oh, be quiet, Sidney.- I am sorry about the marmalade, Mother,
0:17:13 > 0:17:15but I really must put my foot down.
0:17:15 > 0:17:19Shock, horror, scandal, as middle- aged man goes out two nights running.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Don't you realise, Mother, I must be my own master? Goodbye!
0:17:22 > 0:17:25DOOR SLAMS
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Briefcase, sorry.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Gloves, sorry.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Sorry!
0:17:54 > 0:17:57- Yes, sir.- I thought I might buy some flowers.- You're just in time.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01I was going to switch over to flogging three-piece suites(!)
0:18:03 > 0:18:08- How much are the...- Chrysanthemums. 60p. Roses, two quid. Iris...
0:18:08 > 0:18:11I'll have roses, red roses. Two bunches, please.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13No, make it three.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17- Let's hope she's worth it.- Oh, I think she is. She's a very nice girl.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Just met her last night.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22Caused a little bit of an upset. Will it be all right to insert a card?
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Insert what you want, my son.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27How many Ns in Annette?
0:18:27 > 0:18:29You don't catch 'ens in a net!
0:18:31 > 0:18:33There we are. That all right?
0:18:33 > 0:18:36"From Timothy with love to Annette.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40"Your library books are overdue, please make arrangements..."
0:18:41 > 0:18:43That's it, there we are. That's it.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46I think it's perfectly obvious what they mean in the language of flowers.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Yeah, six quid!
0:19:01 > 0:19:05- Hello!- Ah, Timothy.- Shush!- Sorry.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10Must rush upstairs and get changed.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15He's brought me flowers.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22He isn't such a bad little stick, when all's said and done.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24I don't often lay down the law, Phyllis,
0:19:24 > 0:19:26but I think it's time I did some plain speaking.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29For a start... No, she's gone.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38- Dear, sweet boy.- Mother...
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Oh, Timmy. Timmykins.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42Who's been a naughty boy?
0:19:42 > 0:19:47Who has gone and bought his mother a big, big bunch of roses, her favourite flowers?
0:19:47 > 0:19:49- Oh, you shouldn't have.- I didn't, Mother.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51I didn't shouldn't have.
0:19:51 > 0:19:56- Well, I did. I thought you would like them.- Oh, dear little Timmy.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58- Ooh! There's a note as well. - Don't read, that is a joke.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Don't worry about that.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02"From Timothy with love to Annette."
0:20:04 > 0:20:08- Annette.- That's my pet name for you, Mother. It's a misprint.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10It's Mother spelt backwards.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14Annette! Annette. It's that woman?
0:20:14 > 0:20:16- Yes, it is that woman. - So you're going to her tonight.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18I am going to her tonight, Mother, as I said.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20If only I can find a decent pair of trousers to wear.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24- Where are all my trousers, Mother? - All at the cleaner's, Timothy.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27- What, all of them?- Naturally. I always have to do them all at once.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Don't blame me if it doesn't fit in with your plans.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32- What are you doing, Mother? - They need to be washed.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35They won't be ready for tonight, Mother!
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Then you won't be able to go, will you?
0:20:37 > 0:20:41I have nothing to wear, Mother. You did that on purpose. You did that...
0:20:41 > 0:20:46You did that... The only thing that's upstairs is that blessed cat costume from the amateur dramatics.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Well, go and seek your fortune in that!
0:20:53 > 0:20:56- Ha-ha!- If you do,
0:20:56 > 0:21:00I shall never speak to you again as long as I live.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04- Never?- Never!
0:21:05 > 0:21:09That settles it. Ha-ha, ha-ha!
0:21:34 > 0:21:36- Bye!- Bye, Timothy. Good time!
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- Thank you!- Shush. Don't say a word to him.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42- He's dressed as a cat. - Boys will be boys, Phyllis.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Shut up, Sidney.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Don't wait up all night for me. I'll be out on the tiles!
0:21:56 > 0:21:57DANCE MUSIC
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Tim? What are you doing on your own?
0:22:01 > 0:22:05Well, I'm just keeping a low profile.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09People are laughing and giggling.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Of course they are. Look at you.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15- Have you danced with Annette? - No, not in as many words, no.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18You've been on this boat an hour.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21There she is. Dancing with Geoffrey.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23He seems to be doing all right, too.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Mind you, he has come dressed as a human being.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29- What's the matter with you? Get in there.- To be honest, it's Mother.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32- What?- We had words.- So?
0:22:32 > 0:22:35I had to rather put her in her place and, you know,
0:22:35 > 0:22:37I've upset myself.
0:22:37 > 0:22:41- Shut up about your mother. - I can't help it!
0:22:41 > 0:22:45Over there is a girl who likes you very much. You like her very much.
0:22:45 > 0:22:49Now, get to it or you are going to find yourself neutered!
0:22:49 > 0:22:53- All right, Frank. If you say so. - Not because I say so.- I'm sorry.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55And don't say sorry.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58HE MOUTHS
0:22:58 > 0:23:01All right, I am on my way. Will you wish me luck? Paws crossed!
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Oh, ye gods.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09RAIN LASHES DOWN
0:23:12 > 0:23:15- Isn't it romantic?- Yes, lovely.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17I saw the moon just now.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21- Before it started raining. - Sleet, isn't it?
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Um... Yes, well, some of it.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28I am sorry. Are you in a draught?
0:23:28 > 0:23:31Would you like my tail around your neck?
0:23:31 > 0:23:33No, no, thank you.
0:23:33 > 0:23:37Are you sure you are warm enough in that thing?
0:23:37 > 0:23:39You sound just like my mother.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42No, I didn't mean that. I meant...
0:23:42 > 0:23:46Genuine concern. She is concerned, you know.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49I'm afraid I did rather upset her.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53We shouldn't be talking about my mother.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56We should be talking about,
0:23:56 > 0:23:59um...you and me.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06I did upset her, you know. I had better go and ring her.
0:24:06 > 0:24:07You can't. We're on a boat.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Good point. I didn't think of that.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15You could always put a message in a bottle.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17I'll have a word with the driver,
0:24:17 > 0:24:19he could pull in and I could nip off and phone her, then.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22- Would he do that?- Money talks.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29I don't suppose you could lend me a fiver?
0:24:31 > 0:24:34- Hurry up, pussycat! - Get your paw out!
0:24:34 > 0:24:38I wish I had a pound note for every time I've waited for you to ring your mother.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40What's new, pussycat?!
0:24:57 > 0:25:01Come on, they're going to close the bar while we're tied up!
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Come on, puss! Puss, puss!
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Come on, come on. Where are you?
0:25:12 > 0:25:15I must have misdialled.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24You've had plenty of time to answer now.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30- Something must have happened.- Come on, puss. You're ruining the party.
0:25:30 > 0:25:31Oh!
0:25:45 > 0:25:48There's no reply. Something terrible must have happened.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Mother could have fallen down the stairs.
0:25:50 > 0:25:55- But your father would have answered. - They could have fallen down together.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57It's my fault, you know.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00I ought to be looking after them.
0:26:00 > 0:26:04- There's only one thing for it. - Timothy! Tim!
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Cat overboard!
0:26:12 > 0:26:15Oh, bloody hell.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Oh, he's unstoppable.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22- I thought he liked me but he is so strange.- No, he's not.
0:26:22 > 0:26:23He's perfectly normal.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26He's jumped in the river in the middle of the night.
0:26:26 > 0:26:30- He's gone to visit his mother. - Dressed up as a cat?!- Well, why not?
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Life is short.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Yes, it is. Where's Geoffrey?
0:26:43 > 0:26:46Mother! Mother!
0:26:47 > 0:26:50Where are you, Mother?
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Anybody here? Mother!
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Where are you?
0:26:55 > 0:26:57God, what's happened? Mother!
0:26:59 > 0:27:02- You're here?- Hello, Timothy.
0:27:02 > 0:27:07- Shush.- Fair enough. - Mother, where were you? I rang.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09Yes, I know. Twice.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14- Then... Why didn't you reply? - Have you forgotten?- What?
0:27:14 > 0:27:18I am never going to speak to you again as long as I live.
0:27:19 > 0:27:23But you... You... You have ruined my entire evening.
0:27:23 > 0:27:27- You have ruined my entire life!- Good.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30Now you know what it feels like.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32What can I do? What can...? I know.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35I'm going out the front, I am going to go onto the garage roof
0:27:35 > 0:27:38and howl like a demented tomcat all night.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43Timothy! Timmy! The neighbours! You can't.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46Never mind the neighbours, Mother. Never mind the neighbours.
0:27:46 > 0:27:50- I have changed my mind. I am going to leave home forever.- You can't.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52I am going, do you hear?
0:27:52 > 0:27:56- Very well.- I am 41 years old, Mother. I am now going.
0:27:56 > 0:28:00Then good riddance to bad rubbish!
0:28:00 > 0:28:02I've done it. I've done it!
0:28:02 > 0:28:05I'm free at last. Free at last.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Mother! Mother!
0:28:12 > 0:28:15I am trapped, Mother.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17Mother! Mother!
0:28:18 > 0:28:20Mummy!