0:00:08 > 0:00:16This programme contains strong language
0:00:16 > 0:00:24This programme contains scenes which some viewers may find disturbing
0:01:29 > 0:01:30DISTANT RAIN AND THUNDER
0:01:33 > 0:01:35LOUD THUNDERCLAP
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Yes!
0:02:26 > 0:02:28You shouldn't be here.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30LOUD THUNDERCLAP
0:02:50 > 0:02:51Cheers. I'll be two minutes.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Ah!
0:02:56 > 0:02:57Aah! Ah-ah. Oh!
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Evening.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25THUNDER CONTINUES
0:03:25 > 0:03:26Good evening. Um...
0:03:26 > 0:03:30I'm with the stag party from London. Are they here yet?
0:03:30 > 0:03:31DOOR OPENS THEN RAUCOUS SINGING
0:03:31 > 0:03:35# I'm still standing Better than I ever did
0:03:35 > 0:03:40# Looking like a true survivor Feeling like a little kid
0:03:40 > 0:03:45# I'm still standing After all this time... #
0:03:50 > 0:03:53# I'm still standing
0:03:53 > 0:03:55# Yeah, yeah, yeah!
0:03:55 > 0:03:57THEY LAUGH AND CHEER
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Angus! Johnners!
0:04:06 > 0:04:07Holy crap!
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Hello...
0:04:10 > 0:04:11..mate.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15It's Ian.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Your future...brother-in-law.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23I'm here for the stag.
0:04:25 > 0:04:26'This is bullshit.'
0:04:27 > 0:04:30He's taken Christophe's place.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33- Christophe's not coming? - Didn't reply to the e-mails.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35What about Runcie?
0:04:35 > 0:04:36Runcie's still in prison.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41This is the best we could come up with.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Listen, Ledge, I know it's tradition to have a stripper,
0:04:47 > 0:04:49and I know it's tradition to book a dwarf,
0:04:49 > 0:04:53but let's not combine the two, eh? It's freaking me out.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57You're Ledge?
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Your invite said black tie.
0:05:00 > 0:05:01Bring it - not arrive in it.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03And what happened to meeting at the crossroads?
0:05:03 > 0:05:06It's raining is what happened.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07I sent the man to fetch you.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Hey!
0:05:09 > 0:05:12I'm not joking. Put it in a cab.
0:05:14 > 0:05:15Thank you.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Next time we dine, it'll be on fresh venison. Right, guys?
0:05:20 > 0:05:22HOWLS LIKE A WOLF
0:05:22 > 0:05:25- Everyone, everybody, listen.- Chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps! Stag's talking!
0:05:25 > 0:05:28When the stag's talking, shut the hell up. That's a rule, OK?
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Mexico, write it down.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33OK. Everybody, this is Ian. Er, Fran's big brother.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35How small is Fran?
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Ian, this is Ledge.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Best man. Oldest buddy.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44Ludgrove. Harrow. Durham. Deutsche Bank.
0:05:44 > 0:05:50This is Mexican. He works on the floor below us. Aitken. Prep school.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Neils, he works for the Copenhagen office.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Yeah! Denmark!
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Cosmo, er, known him since halls.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Does...something in the media.
0:05:59 > 0:06:00Development producer.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04Then, of course, there's Wendy, who looks after our books.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Oh, what, like some sort of freelance librarian?
0:06:07 > 0:06:09No. He's just our accountant.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Ah, yeah. Sorry. Yeah.
0:06:15 > 0:06:16Ooh. Actually,...
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Sorry, I ordered a non-meat option.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22On a hunting holiday?
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Well, to be honest, I won't be taking part in any of the...
0:06:25 > 0:06:27death.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29I'm not a blood sportsman.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31A blood sports man.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35What the hell are you doing here, then?
0:06:37 > 0:06:39- Uh... - Er, Ian was just telling me
0:06:39 > 0:06:42how he was going to drink you all under the table.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45"Pussies" was the word I think he used.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47- Oooh!- Oh! Oh!
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Wendy...
0:06:49 > 0:06:51You better knock that back. You're on catch-up.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54- Perky pinkie, don't forget. - Sorry, what?
0:06:54 > 0:06:59- You have to have your little finger up when you drink.- Stag rules.
0:06:59 > 0:07:00All right.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05THEY START TO CHANT
0:07:07 > 0:07:10CHANTING GROWS LOUDER
0:07:13 > 0:07:16CHANTING PETERS OUT TO SILENCE
0:07:32 > 0:07:33Hurray!
0:07:33 > 0:07:35THEY CHAT
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Ah. I'm not a big drinker, to be honest. That was...
0:07:53 > 0:07:54Plus, the gamekeeper's outside.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Seemed like he wanted to get going.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Then, you'd better drink up.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09CHANTING STARTS AGAIN
0:08:34 > 0:08:36MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:08:38 > 0:08:42- Hey!- 'Hey! Just checking you found the guys all right?'
0:08:42 > 0:08:46- I did do.- 'Yeah. They take a bit of working out, don't they?'
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Not for me. I've only been with them five minutes
0:08:49 > 0:08:51and I already know exactly what kind of guys they are.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53There you go. For 2K, all-in,
0:08:53 > 0:08:57we're guaranteed a weekend's worth of pure man-shit, my friends.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Sleeping rough, hanging tough,
0:08:59 > 0:09:02stalking a prime red deer stag across the Highlands
0:09:02 > 0:09:05and shooting it in the tits.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Come on!
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- Of course, I know the REAL reason you're ringing.- 'You do?'
0:09:12 > 0:09:16- You're worried I'm going to lead Angus astray.- 'Ha-ha! Yeah, right.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20'Seriously, Ian, I need your help on this.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23'Can you just look after him for me?'
0:09:23 > 0:09:25You want ME to look after HIM?
0:09:26 > 0:09:28'We've not been together that long.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31'I don't know his mates that well.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34'Or what they've got in store for him.'
0:09:34 > 0:09:37- Fran...- 'I mean, is he even dressed appropriately?
0:09:38 > 0:09:41'Just promise me you'll make sure he comes back in one piece.'
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- Fran. He'll be fine.- 'Promise me.' - Promise.
0:09:46 > 0:09:47'Ian!'
0:09:48 > 0:09:50I promise.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51OK. Bye. Bye.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54They've left without paying.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Oh! I'll go and get them.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59No, you won't.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01What's to say you won't just leave with them?
0:10:01 > 0:10:04It's not really my bill, anyway. I've hardly drunk anything.
0:10:04 > 0:10:05You've drunk the most.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07£580?
0:10:09 > 0:10:10W-what...?
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Come on, then.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Play on, Centurion.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33- I'm just waiting on a connection. - Yeah.
0:10:36 > 0:10:37Argh!
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Wait!
0:10:40 > 0:10:43You forgot me! Hey, guys! Wait!
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Guys! You forgot me!
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Guys!
0:10:49 > 0:10:50JEERING
0:10:51 > 0:10:55- Aw. Shall we let him in? - Nah. Fuck him!
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Come on, then! Come on, then!
0:10:59 > 0:11:01JEERING AND MOCKING LAUGHTER
0:11:14 > 0:11:18RADIO: 'Cromarty, Forth. Southwest seven to severe gale nine.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21'Bearing west. Gale eight to storm ten.
0:11:21 > 0:11:22'Rain...'
0:11:22 > 0:11:24What about some music?
0:11:24 > 0:11:27RADIO PLAYS Message In A Bottle by The Police
0:11:27 > 0:11:29- Whoo!- Yeah!
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Right. La questionnaire. 40 questions about Tom Thumb's sister.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34What she's like in the sack and so on.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37- Oh!- Hit me, hit me!
0:11:37 > 0:11:42Right. Question numero uno. When's Fran's birthday?
0:11:42 > 0:11:43- Oh! Come on!- Too easy.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45He doesn't know.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47I do. But it's boring.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Where are the good questions?
0:11:49 > 0:11:50Come on!
0:11:50 > 0:11:53OK. Numero...two.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Gillette, Tussauds, or Sherwood?
0:11:56 > 0:11:58- Oh!- Whoo!
0:12:00 > 0:12:02I don't understand.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Your sister's front garden.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Is it Gillette, Tussauds or the Forest of Sherwood?
0:12:07 > 0:12:10Her private parts! Is she shaven, waxed, or unkempt?
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Urgh! I'm not gonna answer that!
0:12:12 > 0:12:14- He's not saying he doesn't know!- Oh!
0:12:16 > 0:12:18No!
0:12:24 > 0:12:27RADIO SIGNAL BECOMES INTERMITTENT
0:12:32 > 0:12:34River says no.
0:12:34 > 0:12:35Pardon me?
0:12:35 > 0:12:38She's flooded and we're too heavy.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41This is the only way in.
0:12:43 > 0:12:44There'll be no hunting this weekend.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47- Now, hang on, matey. - What are we paying you for?
0:12:47 > 0:12:50If we'd been here earlier, there wouldn't have been a problem.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52We would have been here earlier
0:12:52 > 0:12:54if we didn't have to wait for the Penguin.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56- Yeah, 003.5.- Croupier Gollum.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59I was late because you left me at the meeting point, right?
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Just like you let me in the pub when I was busy paying your bill.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04All £600 of it.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07So, let's be clear, you've never waited for me once.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11Oooh!
0:13:11 > 0:13:12- Guys!- Stag's talking, everyone.
0:13:12 > 0:13:16There's bound to be a lot of banter this weekend. OK, it's us,
0:13:16 > 0:13:19so it comes with the territory, but keep it light, OK?
0:13:19 > 0:13:23No-one need get injured. Have a little respect for your fellow man.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Driver!
0:13:27 > 0:13:32Is there any way, any way at all, we can get across
0:13:32 > 0:13:34this "wee burn" here?
0:13:42 > 0:13:43Right.
0:13:43 > 0:13:48When you're all across, I'll follow in the vehicle.
0:13:48 > 0:13:52If you do get washed away and you survive,
0:13:52 > 0:13:54make sure you get out this side.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57There's far fewer stags this side of the water.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Stags are good, though, aren't they?
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Not without a gun, they're not.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04And when will we be allowed to have one of those?
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Out of interest.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09If a stag sees you,
0:14:09 > 0:14:11he'll either attack you
0:14:11 > 0:14:13if he thinks you're a rival.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Or if he thinks you're a female...
0:14:20 > 0:14:22..he will rape you.
0:14:24 > 0:14:25Any questions?
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Is this definitely the only way?
0:14:29 > 0:14:31No.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35We can cross at the old dam but that's a seven-hour hike from there.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Um...
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Er, how do we get back again?
0:14:43 > 0:14:44When the river lets you.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57GASPING AND GROANING
0:15:04 > 0:15:07So, ITV2 are this close to commissioning
0:15:07 > 0:15:09How To Look Good Homeless,
0:15:09 > 0:15:14and I'm marooned in some Third-World grotto that can't even muster 2G!
0:15:15 > 0:15:17It's a travesty.
0:15:17 > 0:15:18A bloody travesty.
0:15:30 > 0:15:31My bag!
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Got to keep moving!
0:15:34 > 0:15:36My bag! It's all my stuff!
0:15:48 > 0:15:50- Come on!- Come on!
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Yeah, get a McMove on!
0:15:52 > 0:15:55LAUGHTER AND JEERING CHATTER
0:15:55 > 0:15:58You're supposed to take us hunting, not stand around looking Scottish!
0:15:58 > 0:16:00LAUGHTER
0:16:00 > 0:16:03Probably too full of Mars Bars and batter to move, isn't he?!
0:16:03 > 0:16:06LAUGHTER AND JEERING CHATTER
0:16:06 > 0:16:10- Come on!- In your own time!- Come on!
0:16:15 > 0:16:18- He's abandoning us! - He's taking a run-up, you moron!
0:16:27 > 0:16:28That's a considerable run-up.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33Don't suppose anybody's got any spare clothes?
0:16:38 > 0:16:41THUNDER RUMBLES
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- I need it back for the dinner on Sunday, OK?- Yes.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01It's never on the news, is it - stags on trial for rape and that?
0:17:01 > 0:17:04Just scare-mongering, that's all that was.
0:17:04 > 0:17:05ANIMALISTIC ROARING
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Whoa!
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Is it rape if they don't understand the word "no"?
0:17:19 > 0:17:21MECHANICAL GROWLING
0:17:22 > 0:17:25Probably just...a lumberjack chopping trees.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26At 11.30 at night?
0:17:26 > 0:17:28DISTANT GROWLING
0:17:30 > 0:17:34Wait! Stop! This is ridiculous! Where are we even going?
0:17:34 > 0:17:35Ledge?
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- I don't know.- But you're best man!
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Best men can't do everything.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46And don't give me that look. Not one of you bastards RSVP'd
0:17:46 > 0:17:49to the original e-vite and now you come at me with all this shit.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52- Where are you taking us, mate? - I'm not taking us anywhere!
0:17:52 > 0:17:55I took us to the pub, met the gamekeeper.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58That's what it said to do and then HE takes it from there.
0:17:58 > 0:17:59But now the gamekeeper has gone.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Nothing gets past Peter Schmeichel(!)
0:18:01 > 0:18:04- Don't take it out on him. - What was wrong with indoor golf
0:18:04 > 0:18:07and a boozy lunch in Battersea? That's what I want to know.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Come on, Ledge. What are we going to do?
0:18:11 > 0:18:12We could always...
0:18:14 > 0:18:19Well, we could always... pitch camp...in that clearing...
0:18:20 > 0:18:23..light a fire, have a few beers
0:18:23 > 0:18:26and get our bearings in the morning?
0:18:27 > 0:18:28In the a.m.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35All right.
0:18:35 > 0:18:36After you.
0:18:37 > 0:18:38Good.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Nice one, Ian.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57'Thermal what?'
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Fear Mor. It's all over the internet.
0:19:02 > 0:19:03How have you got data?
0:19:04 > 0:19:08I haven't got data. This is SO unfair.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13The Fear Mor. It's, like, this Scottish giant.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Hides in the mist. Comes out of nowhere.
0:19:17 > 0:19:21I read about this guy, who was just here on a rambling holiday,
0:19:21 > 0:19:22minding his own beeswax...
0:19:24 > 0:19:26..and he got ripped apart like a rag-doll.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31I'm telling you... this thing is evil.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34Like Sasquatch?
0:19:34 > 0:19:36No, not really.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37More like the BFG...
0:19:40 > 0:19:41..but without the F.
0:19:44 > 0:19:45A Bee Gee?
0:19:48 > 0:19:50LAUGHTER
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Neils, you idiot!
0:20:05 > 0:20:06What?
0:20:09 > 0:20:11What did you just say?
0:20:14 > 0:20:16What did Johnners say about respect?
0:20:16 > 0:20:20I think, Ian, you probably owe Neils an apology.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23Yeah!
0:20:24 > 0:20:28This is a... This is a bit, isn't it? We're doing a thing.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32"Goes with the territory."
0:20:44 > 0:20:46This isn't a thing.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Sorry, Neils.
0:21:06 > 0:21:07UNZIPS TENT
0:21:09 > 0:21:11GROUP LAUGHTER
0:21:15 > 0:21:17What a bag of dicks.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Maybe you should leave.
0:21:19 > 0:21:20I'm sorry, I...
0:21:20 > 0:21:23No. It's fine. I feel exactly the same way.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27These are the worst kind of people.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29I thought you'd been friends with them since school?
0:21:29 > 0:21:31That's how I know they're the worst kind of people.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37- Here.- What's that?- It's the kitty.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39What we owe you from the pub. There's £800 there,
0:21:39 > 0:21:43plus Ledge's Coutts card. When the gamekeeper comes back,
0:21:43 > 0:21:46get him to take you back to the pub. From there, you get a cab
0:21:46 > 0:21:48and you take that cab all the way back to London.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51- Eastbourne.- Wherever you want.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58In fact, do you know what? I'll come with you.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01- We'll go as a duo, the two of us. A pair. We'll run.- No.- Yes!
0:22:01 > 0:22:03- I can't.- Let's go! Come on.- I can't.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06Come on. We can nip out the back door... Flap.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09I can't, all right?
0:22:09 > 0:22:11I made a promise...to my sister.
0:22:12 > 0:22:13I'm staying.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17OK. Well, in that case, we stick together.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21We watch each other's backs, because that is the only way
0:22:21 > 0:22:23you're going to get through this.
0:22:23 > 0:22:24You got it?
0:22:25 > 0:22:28- Have you got it, Ian?- Yes.
0:22:29 > 0:22:30Yes, I have, thank you.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Right, let's get back out there.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39- Sorry, can I just...- Yep.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Sorry. Sorry, Ian.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44OK.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52LAUGHTER AND CHATTER
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Everybody...grab a tin.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Hold on.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03OK...rolling!
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Right...first order of business...
0:23:07 > 0:23:10..no calls, no cameras, no e-mails.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12It's time to lock this down.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18That jumped-up Jock thought he could leave us to perish.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23He didn't think we'd survive a second.
0:23:23 > 0:23:24Even me?
0:23:27 > 0:23:31But look at us... We didn't just survive. We thrived!
0:23:33 > 0:23:35We've built a camp! We've made fire!
0:23:35 > 0:23:37ALL: Yeah!
0:23:37 > 0:23:39We're seven Bear Grylls...
0:23:41 > 0:23:42..with a monkey butler.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44LAUGHTER
0:23:49 > 0:23:53What will happen over the next 72 hours will change us as men.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57We will be defined by our time in these hills,
0:23:57 > 0:23:58on these heaths.
0:23:58 > 0:24:03And when we get home, we will say - to people that we trust and without
0:24:03 > 0:24:08giving away too many details - that we saw off our friend in style!
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Wait, wait, wait...
0:24:10 > 0:24:14That this was the stag to end all stags!
0:24:14 > 0:24:15Yeah!
0:24:15 > 0:24:20The stag-hunting stag of Angus "Johnners" Johnson,
0:24:20 > 0:24:23the best friend a man could have!
0:24:23 > 0:24:24CHEERING AND CLAPPING
0:24:24 > 0:24:27Hold that, Aitken. Best man can't do everything.
0:24:30 > 0:24:31Now, ladies...
0:24:32 > 0:24:34..I'd like you to raise your drink...
0:24:34 > 0:24:37- And your pinkies.- Thank you, Mexico.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40Allow me to make the first of many toasts...
0:24:41 > 0:24:42..to the kill!
0:24:42 > 0:24:44ALL: To the kill!
0:24:44 > 0:24:45The kill.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48WHOOSH, THUMP
0:24:51 > 0:24:52Aitken?
0:24:56 > 0:24:57Oh, that IS a shame.
0:24:59 > 0:25:00Argh!
0:25:02 > 0:25:04THEY ALL SHOUT AND YELL
0:25:08 > 0:25:09Jesus Christ!
0:25:09 > 0:25:11WHISTLE BLOWS
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Aitken!
0:25:21 > 0:25:22What did I miss?
0:25:33 > 0:25:35What the hell even was that?
0:25:35 > 0:25:37It looked like some kind of claw.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40Maybe it's all part of it. Part of the stag package, right, Ledge?
0:25:40 > 0:25:43- Yeah, like some kind of practical joke.- It wasn't on the website.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Seriously, guys... He could have survived.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16We gave him dead legs and Chinese burns
0:26:16 > 0:26:19all the way through prep school and it never seemed to bother him.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24- We should get going. - Quite right. Let's get going.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26I'm colder than Walt Disney.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31Wait!
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Shouldn't we go back?
0:26:35 > 0:26:37He's your friend.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Besides, you said so yourself, the poor guy might not be dead.
0:26:52 > 0:26:53OK, you're right.
0:26:55 > 0:27:00But it doesn't really feel like a seven-man job, does it?
0:27:07 > 0:27:08Well, come on, then.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31So, erm, "Wendy". Is that...
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Is that like a nickname they gave you at school?
0:27:33 > 0:27:35I wasn't at school with them.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43This has to be the worst stag weekend ever.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45You weren't in Zagreb.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47What happened in Zagreb?
0:27:49 > 0:27:53I get it. What happens in Zagreb stays in Zagreb.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Or Prague or Amsterdam or Dusseldorf.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58They're all horrific.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01That lot have more money than sense.
0:28:24 > 0:28:28So, if these weekends are so bad, why did you come?
0:28:30 > 0:28:32Mate, have you got kids?
0:28:33 > 0:28:35I've got three. Triplets.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37IVF nightmare.
0:28:38 > 0:28:40Like buses.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42Really expensive buses.
0:28:43 > 0:28:46I only come on these stupid trips to escape.
0:28:48 > 0:28:51The problem is, as soon as I get away from the kids...
0:28:52 > 0:28:54..I miss 'em like hell.
0:28:57 > 0:28:58Left or right?
0:29:01 > 0:29:03Whoever finds him...
0:29:04 > 0:29:07..or whatever's left of him,
0:29:07 > 0:29:10shouts to the other one and we meet back here.
0:29:10 > 0:29:12What do we shout?
0:29:13 > 0:29:15"Argh."
0:29:18 > 0:29:20Want to practise it before we go?
0:29:20 > 0:29:22There's no need.
0:29:22 > 0:29:24You should practise it.
0:29:29 > 0:29:31Argh.
0:29:35 > 0:29:36Argh!
0:29:38 > 0:29:40No?
0:29:44 > 0:29:46ARGH!
0:29:46 > 0:29:47YELL ECHOES
0:29:56 > 0:29:57(Bloody hell.)
0:29:57 > 0:29:59'Ah, to hell with it.'
0:29:59 > 0:30:02I was going to save these for Sunday,
0:30:02 > 0:30:06but we may as well break these bad boys out of jail now, eh?
0:30:08 > 0:30:09Hmm?
0:30:10 > 0:30:12Hmm?
0:30:21 > 0:30:24Right, question number five...
0:30:24 > 0:30:27I don't want to answer any more questions about my sex life, OK?!
0:30:27 > 0:30:31- Because it's not what it was with that ex of yours.- Sophie!
0:30:31 > 0:30:34SNIGGERING
0:30:34 > 0:30:37Ah! Crazy in the head and crazy in bed.
0:30:37 > 0:30:38How would YOU know?
0:30:38 > 0:30:41Shagged her at Glasto, during Mumford & Sons, didn't he?
0:30:41 > 0:30:44It's all water under the Chelsea Bridge, mate.
0:30:44 > 0:30:46Anyway, you're wrong.
0:30:47 > 0:30:49It was Ed Sheeran.
0:30:50 > 0:30:52Dirty ginger bastard.
0:30:54 > 0:30:56LAUGHTER
0:31:11 > 0:31:13Hello?
0:31:14 > 0:31:15It's me.
0:31:17 > 0:31:19It's Wendy. Are you there?
0:31:19 > 0:31:21TWIGS SNAP
0:31:35 > 0:31:36- DISTANT:- Argh!
0:31:36 > 0:31:38Wendy!
0:31:45 > 0:31:46ARGH!
0:31:47 > 0:31:49ARGH!
0:31:50 > 0:31:51WENDY!
0:31:53 > 0:31:54I'VE FOUND THE LEGS!
0:31:57 > 0:31:58RETCHING
0:32:25 > 0:32:27He's been separated.
0:32:27 > 0:32:30Aitken. Separated.
0:32:30 > 0:32:32Oh, God!
0:32:33 > 0:32:35Where's Wendy?
0:32:35 > 0:32:37SOBBING: I don't know.
0:32:37 > 0:32:39- Did you find the bag of phones? - I don't know.
0:32:39 > 0:32:43- Either you did or you didn't.- Is he waiting down there?- I don't know!
0:32:43 > 0:32:44Forget Wendy.
0:32:45 > 0:32:46Look at Aitken.
0:32:48 > 0:32:49Oh, this is fucked-up.
0:32:57 > 0:32:59You know what's REALLY fucked-up?
0:33:10 > 0:33:12This is awful. This is just so awful.
0:33:12 > 0:33:14What in God's name is happening?!
0:33:15 > 0:33:17Who the hell is doing this to us?
0:33:17 > 0:33:18And why?!
0:33:23 > 0:33:26Guys, just grab the bare minimum. This isn't a jolly.
0:33:26 > 0:33:28All we're doing is leaving, OK?
0:33:28 > 0:33:33- Right, let's do this. Ledge. - Right, um... OK.
0:33:33 > 0:33:36Eh... Let me think...
0:33:37 > 0:33:40If only Christophe was here, he'd know what to do.
0:33:40 > 0:33:42- Well, he's NOT here, is he? - Right. Good. OK.
0:33:42 > 0:33:45So, we keep things simple. We pick a line,
0:33:45 > 0:33:47a straight line, and we stick to it.
0:33:47 > 0:33:50It never fails. The Romans did it.
0:33:50 > 0:33:53Crows do it. Eh, Forrest Gump did it.
0:33:53 > 0:33:55Bang goes my plan of zigzagging our way out of here.
0:33:55 > 0:34:01- A line in which direction?- Think about it. Where do most people live?
0:34:01 > 0:34:02China?
0:34:02 > 0:34:05- South.- England is south of here.
0:34:05 > 0:34:07- Exactly.- Africa is south of here.
0:34:07 > 0:34:11Yes, that's also true. Not quite as useful, but the point remains,
0:34:11 > 0:34:14we head south, we are BOUND to bump into someone.
0:34:16 > 0:34:18Which way is south?
0:34:18 > 0:34:21Why ask him? He can barely see over the bracken.
0:34:21 > 0:34:24- He's a geography teacher. - What, in real life?
0:34:26 > 0:34:29We can, erm, use the sun, to navigate.
0:34:29 > 0:34:33Old sailing trick. Rises in the west, sets in the east.
0:34:33 > 0:34:36- Other way round. - Other way round. Exactly.
0:34:36 > 0:34:39- Who needs Christophe, eh?- Right. Everyone, strap on, follow me,
0:34:39 > 0:34:41keeping the sun on your left.
0:34:43 > 0:34:46Good work, buddy. Took the words right out of my mouth.
0:34:46 > 0:34:50- Do crows fly south?- If they find themselves in Scotland, they do.
0:34:50 > 0:34:51Come on.
0:35:31 > 0:35:33Don't you think we should just...
0:35:33 > 0:35:35maybe, just bury the legs?
0:35:35 > 0:35:36And what?
0:35:38 > 0:35:40Give the man two graves?
0:35:41 > 0:35:42Not on my watch.
0:35:43 > 0:35:49In the fullness of time, we will find his chest, arms and head.
0:35:49 > 0:35:52- And when we find his chest, arms and head...- Torso.- What?
0:35:52 > 0:35:54Torso.
0:35:54 > 0:35:56- Please don't interrupt me, Ian.- OK.
0:35:59 > 0:36:01When we find his chest, arms and head...
0:36:02 > 0:36:04..we will bury him whole.
0:36:06 > 0:36:08- It's a question of dignity.- OK.
0:36:09 > 0:36:13- But, maybe, for now, we could... - What?- ..you know,
0:36:13 > 0:36:15just...pop them in a bag?
0:36:20 > 0:36:21'One, two, three...'
0:36:32 > 0:36:34- It's beautiful up here.- Yes.
0:36:34 > 0:36:35Yes.
0:36:35 > 0:36:37Argh!
0:36:49 > 0:36:50- Happy?- Cool.
0:37:19 > 0:37:20Off you go, then.
0:37:20 > 0:37:23- What?- It's your bag, isn't it?
0:37:23 > 0:37:26Yes, but I'm not touching it.
0:37:26 > 0:37:28I'm not going anywhere near it.
0:37:28 > 0:37:30Might be a bomb in it.
0:37:30 > 0:37:33Why have you brought a bomb with you, mate?
0:37:35 > 0:37:38No, I'm saying that, obviously, it's a trap.
0:37:39 > 0:37:40We should keep well clear.
0:37:40 > 0:37:42Come off it, a trap?
0:37:42 > 0:37:45Well, it didn't just wheel itself here, did it?
0:37:45 > 0:37:49- Somebody has put it there.- Who? - Whoever's doing all of this.
0:37:49 > 0:37:51The gamekeeper.
0:37:53 > 0:37:56I mean, that IS who's doing all this, right?
0:37:56 > 0:37:57But why, though?
0:37:59 > 0:38:01Somebody must have got up his nose.
0:38:03 > 0:38:05- Sorry, uh, was that for MY benefit? - I'm just thinking,
0:38:05 > 0:38:09it could have been you that he was aiming at when he shot Aitken.
0:38:11 > 0:38:14- You had been talking down to him all night.- "Talking down"?
0:38:14 > 0:38:16- As if he worked for you. - He did. And not hard enough.
0:38:16 > 0:38:18The man had an appalling work ethic.
0:38:18 > 0:38:21I'm sorry to be the one to give YOU the geography lesson,
0:38:21 > 0:38:23but he's on the wrong side of the river, so it can't be him.
0:38:23 > 0:38:26You think the hard-as-nuts gamekeeper couldn't have made it
0:38:26 > 0:38:30across the river in his Land Rover, when we made it across naked?
0:38:30 > 0:38:33Still doesn't explain Wendy, though, does it?
0:38:33 > 0:38:35What about those freaks back at that boozer?
0:38:35 > 0:38:38- The foxy waitress.- The chef. - The farmers playing snooker.
0:38:38 > 0:38:40What about the Fear Mor?
0:38:40 > 0:38:42Think about it - the way they were dragged away,
0:38:42 > 0:38:44chopped in half like watermelons.
0:38:44 > 0:38:48- Enough of the Gruffalo bullshit. - Stop it! This is EXACTLY what
0:38:48 > 0:38:50the gamekeeper wants - to mess with our heads.
0:38:50 > 0:38:54- Ian, what is in your cheap-looking bag?- Er...
0:38:54 > 0:38:57I dunno. Erm... Cripes... OK...
0:38:58 > 0:39:00An alarm clock, travel adaptor,
0:39:00 > 0:39:04pyjamas, change of socks, my Kindle, bottle of Shy-raz.
0:39:04 > 0:39:07- a tube of Pringles... - Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back up.
0:39:07 > 0:39:11- What was that?- Pringles. Spicy BBQ - not everyone's cup of tea...
0:39:11 > 0:39:12No, no, the other one.
0:39:12 > 0:39:15A bottle of Shy-raz?
0:39:15 > 0:39:16Shy-raz?
0:39:17 > 0:39:21- And this "Shy-raz", Ian...- Yeah.
0:39:21 > 0:39:23..is it screw-top or cork?
0:39:23 > 0:39:25Screw-top, I think.
0:39:25 > 0:39:27- Christ, is there no decency? - Au contraire, Ledge.
0:39:27 > 0:39:31Unless you're packing a corkscrew,
0:39:31 > 0:39:34the wee man's cheapskatery may a blessing from above!
0:39:34 > 0:39:38I've got a mouth like Gandhi's sandal and, given the fact that
0:39:38 > 0:39:41we're meant to have a fresh bevvies in our hand every half-hour...
0:39:41 > 0:39:43To be fair, that IS in here somewhere.
0:39:43 > 0:39:46..then, by my watch, the time is, er...
0:39:46 > 0:39:47Ooh!
0:39:47 > 0:39:48O-wine-hundred.
0:39:49 > 0:39:51Guys...
0:39:51 > 0:39:55if Cosmo wants the Shiraz... Cosmo gets the Shiraz.
0:39:57 > 0:39:59Uh-huh!
0:40:19 > 0:40:22(I think it's actually pronounced Shy-raz.
0:40:25 > 0:40:26(It's no big deal.)
0:41:01 > 0:41:02Easy...
0:41:30 > 0:41:31Whoa!
0:41:31 > 0:41:33- Whoo!- Bravo!
0:41:33 > 0:41:35Down the hatch!
0:41:39 > 0:41:40Oh, shitfuck!
0:41:45 > 0:41:48HE COUGHS
0:41:51 > 0:41:52HE GROANS
0:41:58 > 0:42:00METALLIC CREAK
0:42:00 > 0:42:01METALLIC THUNK
0:42:08 > 0:42:11And I never had that drink with Nick Knowles.
0:42:15 > 0:42:17Holy crap, he's dead.
0:42:17 > 0:42:19- ECHOING:- No, he's not. He's fine.
0:42:39 > 0:42:41Cosmo, mate, don't go anywhere!
0:42:47 > 0:42:49What's your body weight?
0:42:51 > 0:42:52Why?
0:42:55 > 0:42:56Why?
0:43:00 > 0:43:01Why?!
0:43:02 > 0:43:05GROANING
0:43:09 > 0:43:11You've got a phone!
0:43:11 > 0:43:12No.
0:43:12 > 0:43:14- You've had that all this time! - Please.
0:43:15 > 0:43:18- The others will kill me. - If they don't get killed first.
0:43:18 > 0:43:20Why didn't you call the police?
0:43:20 > 0:43:22I haven't had any bloody signal.
0:43:27 > 0:43:28Listen, pal...
0:43:28 > 0:43:30THEY GROAN
0:43:30 > 0:43:34I'm as broke as it comes, OK?
0:43:34 > 0:43:36The others, they...
0:43:36 > 0:43:39They talked me into sinking all my cash into some stupid
0:43:39 > 0:43:41offshore scheme in Guernsey.
0:43:41 > 0:43:46And that's why everything is pinned on How To Look Good Homeless.
0:43:47 > 0:43:48What?
0:43:50 > 0:43:52Caroline Flack gives botox
0:43:52 > 0:43:55and bling to six lucky tramps from across the UK.
0:43:58 > 0:44:00Now, if I don't get the call from ITV2...
0:44:00 > 0:44:02I lose the lot.
0:44:03 > 0:44:07HMRC has my cock on a block.
0:44:10 > 0:44:12And you have blood on your hands.
0:44:15 > 0:44:17THEY GROAN
0:44:17 > 0:44:20This isn't working. Maybe we should just leave them and save ourselves.
0:44:20 > 0:44:22We can hear you, you know!
0:44:22 > 0:44:24Oh, come on, Cosmo, don't pretend you wouldn't do the same.
0:44:26 > 0:44:28If you go without me...
0:44:28 > 0:44:31I'll tell everyone your Chatroulette story.
0:44:31 > 0:44:34OK, fellas. Put your back into it.
0:44:35 > 0:44:37THEY GROAN LOUDER
0:44:39 > 0:44:41COSMO GASPS
0:44:43 > 0:44:44Is that a splint?
0:44:44 > 0:44:46Wait, wait, the wine.
0:44:46 > 0:44:47Oh...
0:44:47 > 0:44:49We'll have to send someone back.
0:44:49 > 0:44:52No need.
0:44:52 > 0:44:54THEY CHEER
0:44:55 > 0:44:57Stop.
0:44:58 > 0:45:01The alcohol should go to Cosmo.
0:45:01 > 0:45:04The man is injured and right now, this supermarket Shiraz
0:45:04 > 0:45:08is the closest thing we've got to an anaesthetic.
0:45:08 > 0:45:10Well, it's day one of medical school, isn't it?
0:45:10 > 0:45:12COSMO LAUGHS
0:45:12 > 0:45:14Wait... Why do I need an anaes...?
0:45:15 > 0:45:17No.
0:45:17 > 0:45:19No, no, no, NO!
0:45:19 > 0:45:21- CRACK! - Argh!
0:45:24 > 0:45:28- COSMO:- It's a very nice drop, this, actually, Ian.
0:45:28 > 0:45:30£6.99.
0:45:30 > 0:45:31It's very drinkable.
0:45:32 > 0:45:34- MEXICAN:- Yeah, clearly.
0:45:34 > 0:45:37Hey, this is a serious bloody injury, I'll have you know.
0:45:37 > 0:45:39Yeah, minor miracle you're still standing.
0:45:43 > 0:45:46# You can never know what it's like
0:45:48 > 0:45:51# Your blood like winter freezes just like ice
0:45:52 > 0:45:55# And there's a cold, lonely light that shines from you
0:45:56 > 0:45:59# You'll wind up like that wreck you hide
0:45:59 > 0:46:00# Behind that mask you use
0:46:02 > 0:46:05# And did you think this fool could never win? #
0:46:05 > 0:46:06Yeah!
0:46:06 > 0:46:09# Well, look at me, I'm coming back again
0:46:09 > 0:46:12# I got a taste of love in a simple way
0:46:12 > 0:46:14# And if you need to know while I'm still standing
0:46:14 > 0:46:16# You just fade away
0:46:17 > 0:46:20# Don't you know I'm still standing?
0:46:20 > 0:46:23# After all this time
0:46:23 > 0:46:29# Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind
0:46:29 > 0:46:32# I'm still standing
0:46:32 > 0:46:34# Yeah, yeah, yeah!
0:46:35 > 0:46:37# I'm still standing
0:46:37 > 0:46:39# Yeah, yeah, yeah! #
0:46:50 > 0:46:52Bit of a secret Elton fan, then?
0:46:54 > 0:46:55What's that supposed to mean?
0:46:57 > 0:47:00It's not supposed to mean anything.
0:47:00 > 0:47:04With the help of Bernie Taupin, Elton John writes good songs.
0:47:04 > 0:47:06- I agree.- That's his job.
0:47:06 > 0:47:07I know.
0:47:09 > 0:47:11I wasn't saying you're a...
0:47:11 > 0:47:14- Not that I have anything against... - You don't know me.
0:47:14 > 0:47:16You don't know my friends.
0:47:19 > 0:47:21They call me The Mexican,
0:47:21 > 0:47:23and I'll take that.
0:47:25 > 0:47:26Do you understand?
0:47:26 > 0:47:28Yeah.
0:47:28 > 0:47:30Is anyone else getting that?
0:47:31 > 0:47:33You guys getting that?
0:47:34 > 0:47:36THEY SNIFF
0:47:39 > 0:47:40Genius, mate!
0:47:42 > 0:47:44THEY CHEER
0:47:59 > 0:48:01Guys...
0:48:04 > 0:48:05What did I say?
0:48:05 > 0:48:07What did I tell you, hmm?
0:48:07 > 0:48:12"Head south and ye shall find."
0:48:12 > 0:48:14Well, there's no-one here.
0:48:14 > 0:48:17If there isn't a phone here, at least one,
0:48:17 > 0:48:20I'm a chocolate kettle, I really am.
0:48:22 > 0:48:24HE SIGHS
0:48:27 > 0:48:28These are our...
0:48:32 > 0:48:34This isn't someone else's...
0:48:37 > 0:48:39Been walking in a huge circle.
0:48:43 > 0:48:46Oh, fuck!
0:48:49 > 0:48:50It's not your fault, mate.
0:48:51 > 0:48:54Well, in fairness, who else is to blame?
0:48:54 > 0:48:56Oh, Sugar Puffs.
0:48:58 > 0:49:01Sugar Puffs? I'll give you fucking Sugar Puffs, mate.
0:49:01 > 0:49:03"Keep the sun on the left," he said.
0:49:03 > 0:49:07Well, that worked an absolute treat, and now the sun's going down.
0:49:07 > 0:49:08Fucking ideal!
0:49:08 > 0:49:11I was trying to make a helpful suggestion.
0:49:11 > 0:49:14Yeah, well, maybe keep those helpful suggestions to yourself from now on.
0:49:14 > 0:49:17None of it adds up, if you ask me.
0:49:17 > 0:49:21He rocks up in a Poundland tux and expects us all
0:49:21 > 0:49:23to believe he's the bride's brother.
0:49:23 > 0:49:24He is.
0:49:24 > 0:49:27Really? Johnners didn't even recognise you.
0:49:28 > 0:49:31Well, I'm slightly forgettable.
0:49:32 > 0:49:34Take it easy, guys.
0:49:34 > 0:49:36No, no, no.
0:49:36 > 0:49:40I want to know what you were doing in that tent with Aitken.
0:49:40 > 0:49:43I want to know what you were doing in those woods with Wendy.
0:49:43 > 0:49:45I want to know why you packed a bomb.
0:49:49 > 0:49:50What are you saying?
0:49:52 > 0:49:53I think, mate...
0:49:55 > 0:49:57..that you've got something to hide.
0:50:02 > 0:50:03Think away, mate.
0:50:20 > 0:50:21Oof!
0:50:29 > 0:50:31I want to know why you have the kitty.
0:50:33 > 0:50:36Aitken had the kitty, Ian, and now he's dead.
0:50:38 > 0:50:40Why do you have the kitty, Ian?
0:50:42 > 0:50:44This is most irregular.
0:50:44 > 0:50:46GROWLING
0:50:53 > 0:50:54- Every little helps.- Let's go!
0:50:54 > 0:50:57GROWLING
0:51:00 > 0:51:01WHISTLE BLOWS
0:51:04 > 0:51:05WHISTLE BLOWS
0:51:15 > 0:51:17WHISTLE BLOWS
0:51:24 > 0:51:25GROWLING
0:51:31 > 0:51:33LOW GROWLING
0:51:38 > 0:51:39GROWLING STOPS
0:51:44 > 0:51:47(How long do you think we give it?)
0:51:47 > 0:51:48A week.
0:52:01 > 0:52:02It's fresh.
0:52:04 > 0:52:05Neils, this fucking stinks.
0:52:08 > 0:52:10He fucking stinks.
0:52:11 > 0:52:14Maybe that's how it knows where we are.
0:52:14 > 0:52:16The Fear Mor.
0:52:16 > 0:52:18The same way sharks can sense blood from miles away,
0:52:18 > 0:52:19maybe whatever's doing this...
0:52:19 > 0:52:22No, you don't need superpowers to smell that.
0:52:22 > 0:52:24Let's just ditch him.
0:52:24 > 0:52:27You ditch Wendy, you ditch me too.
0:52:27 > 0:52:29- It's not as if it's his head. - Guys...
0:52:31 > 0:52:32Guys?
0:52:33 > 0:52:35Guys.
0:52:37 > 0:52:39That's a freshwater tributary.
0:52:39 > 0:52:42Oh, sweet Aled Jones, man, what are you on about?
0:52:44 > 0:52:46Do you know what? It doesn't matter.
0:52:48 > 0:52:52I'm just a teacher, on 21K, who drives a Ford Focus
0:52:52 > 0:52:54and listens to Radio 2.
0:52:54 > 0:52:56You guys are the best and the brightest, aren't you?
0:52:56 > 0:52:58Things work out for guys like you
0:52:58 > 0:53:01so I'm just going to follow this tributary here, which I think
0:53:01 > 0:53:04is freshwater, which hopefully means it'll lead to a loch.
0:53:04 > 0:53:06I'd suggest you follow,
0:53:06 > 0:53:09but I've been told to keep my helpful suggestions to myself.
0:53:13 > 0:53:14Best man says let him go.
0:53:14 > 0:53:17I'm not comfortable taking orders from a guy who only
0:53:17 > 0:53:20- earns 21,000 a month.- A year.
0:53:20 > 0:53:21Fuck me!
0:53:43 > 0:53:45BIRDS CRY
0:54:10 > 0:54:13NEILS LAUGHS
0:54:13 > 0:54:15ROAR!
0:54:16 > 0:54:18The boat, the boat!
0:54:20 > 0:54:22Go, go, go, go, go!
0:54:22 > 0:54:24ROAR!
0:54:24 > 0:54:26Hang on!
0:54:30 > 0:54:32Guys!
0:54:34 > 0:54:37THEY YELL
0:54:37 > 0:54:38Go, go, go!
0:54:42 > 0:54:45Come on!
0:54:45 > 0:54:46Wait!
0:54:46 > 0:54:48- Come on, Neils!- Wait!
0:54:48 > 0:54:50Neils, come on!
0:54:50 > 0:54:51Wait!
0:54:59 > 0:55:01- Where are you going?!- Neils!
0:55:01 > 0:55:03- I'm going to make it!- Come on!
0:55:03 > 0:55:07I'm going to successfully leap onto that fucking boat!
0:55:07 > 0:55:08Come on!
0:55:08 > 0:55:11- LASSO WHOOSHES - Argh!
0:55:20 > 0:55:22WHISTLE BLOWS
0:55:22 > 0:55:24WHISTLE FADES
0:55:40 > 0:55:41- MEXICAN:- He had two kids, as well.
0:55:44 > 0:55:45Wendy had three.
0:55:46 > 0:55:48As if that makes it any worse.
0:55:51 > 0:55:53I'm serious.
0:55:53 > 0:55:54Why do people always say that?
0:55:54 > 0:55:57Because it's sad when children lose their parents.
0:56:00 > 0:56:02Who's going to tell Wendy's wife?
0:56:03 > 0:56:05That is not a text I would like to write.
0:56:12 > 0:56:13Look.
0:56:38 > 0:56:40DOOR CREAKS
0:56:41 > 0:56:42Hello?
0:56:47 > 0:56:48Hello?
0:56:58 > 0:56:59I'm going to find a phone.
0:57:14 > 0:57:16Cos...?
0:57:16 > 0:57:17Yup.
0:57:18 > 0:57:20Find a phone, mate?
0:57:20 > 0:57:21Yup.
0:57:33 > 0:57:34Aitken.
0:57:35 > 0:57:36The line's down.
0:58:00 > 0:58:02Oh...
0:58:02 > 0:58:04I'm going to enjoy this.
0:58:04 > 0:58:07THUNDER CRACK
0:58:40 > 0:58:42PHONE RINGS
0:59:02 > 0:59:04What will happen now?
0:59:04 > 0:59:05FAST BEEPING