0:00:34 > 0:00:38- No' even 10am and we're ringin'. - My drawers are soaking.
0:00:38 > 0:00:43- Ye shoulda went before ye came out. - Very funny, Jack.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47That's Craiglang for ye. It's eternally winter here.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49A bloody vortex.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55That's it. I've made my mind up. I'm gonnae kill myself.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58- That's if ye dinnae drown first. - THUNDER
0:00:58 > 0:01:02Have ye never fancied going on holiday, Victor?
0:01:02 > 0:01:06- What, Spain?- No, Hong Kong. America. A big adventure holiday.
0:01:06 > 0:01:11Naw. It's a big enough adventure getting across to the bloody shops.
0:01:13 > 0:01:18I've always fancied it, you know. Africa. Doon the Nile.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22- Up the Congo. The Taj Mahal. - Getting there's the problem.
0:01:22 > 0:01:2614 hours on a flight at oor age. That would drive ye doolally.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Aye. The flight would kill ye.
0:01:28 > 0:01:33Knees under the chin, waitin' on yer luggage at the other side.
0:01:33 > 0:01:38Blood clot. Thrombosis. Then they have to fly your corpse home.
0:01:38 > 0:01:43And yer down with the bananas and spiders. Deid. Some holiday, that!
0:01:43 > 0:01:44Aye.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Oh! That's good. That was quick.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Gonnae pick that up for me?
0:01:52 > 0:01:56- What's this, then? - It's a tape fae my Fiona.
0:01:56 > 0:02:02- Oh, aye?- Aye. I got it a couple of days ago, but they don't play here,
0:02:02 > 0:02:06so I'd to take it over to Shug and he transferred it.
0:02:06 > 0:02:12- How don't they play?- Cos they're Canadian. The tape's different.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15How is it different?
0:02:15 > 0:02:20Because when you... You know how you've got the tape...?
0:02:20 > 0:02:22The wheel goes...
0:02:22 > 0:02:28- The tape goes across from... It's very technical.- Technical, eh?
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Thank you, Christopher Hawkings.
0:02:30 > 0:02:35- Eh?- Christopher Hawkings. Thanking you.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Who is Christopher Hawkings?
0:02:37 > 0:02:41The brainy bastard. In the wheelchair. With the voice.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45- No, Stephen Hawkings.- Aye. What did I say?- Christopher Hawkings.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48- Did I?- Aye. What about him, anyway?
0:02:48 > 0:02:53- Nothing. De ye want a cup of tea? - Aye. I'll put this tape on.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Look at that, Navid.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58- It's lashing down.- Here, Isa.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02- Did you see Stars In Their Eyes? - Naw, naw.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06Me and Meena never miss it. ..Isn't that right, Meena?
0:03:06 > 0:03:09..Thanks for joining in, ya boot.
0:03:09 > 0:03:14You should've seen the wee prick who won it. Frank Sinatra. Garbage!
0:03:14 > 0:03:19- He was five feet!- He must have sounded like Sinatra if he won it.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Did he, buggery! Nobody sounds like Sinatra.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26This guy was more like a gay Sinatra.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30A tottie, wee, midget, gay Sinatra. Prick.
0:03:30 > 0:03:35It's no' like me to miss it. I'd love to be on that.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39- De ye know who I'd like to be? - Mama Cass?- Naw.- Who?
0:03:39 > 0:03:41- Patsy Cline.- Patsy Cline?- Aye.
0:03:41 > 0:03:46- You'd be a good Patsy Cline. Gie's a blast.- Naw!
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Come on! The shop is empty.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52CLEARS HER THROAT
0:03:54 > 0:03:58# Craaz-eee...
0:03:58 > 0:04:02# Im crazy for feeling...
0:04:02 > 0:04:04# So lonelee-ee...
0:04:04 > 0:04:10# ..eee-eeee-eeee-eee...#
0:04:10 > 0:04:14Tonight, Matthew, I will be a bag of kittens drowning in the canal.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17I think yer being a bit harsh there, Navid.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21I always thought you had a beautiful voice, sweetheart.
0:04:21 > 0:04:26- No, Harry. I'm not even wanting to speak to ye.- Darling, hear me oot!
0:04:26 > 0:04:31Naw, naw. I'm not interested in what ye've got to say!
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- 'Hello, Dad!'- Hello!
0:04:34 > 0:04:36She looks smashing, doesn't she?
0:04:39 > 0:04:43- 'Hi, Grandpa!' - Listen to their accents.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46- Hi, Jack! - That's Tony, boy.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50'What's going on over here? ..Jack and Stephen are cooking burgers!
0:04:50 > 0:04:54- 'How many burgers are you cooking? - Five.- Why five?
0:04:54 > 0:04:58- 'Cos we're cooking one for you, Grandad!- Can you smell that?
0:04:58 > 0:05:00'Take a bite!'
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Looks smashing.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07They've done you a burger, Jack.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25What's the matter, Jack?
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Ach, nothing.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32That tape caught me off guard there, that's all.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36Seeing the size of the grand-weans, and that.
0:05:37 > 0:05:43Always the same. Every time she sends me one of these tapes
0:05:43 > 0:05:47I sit doon, all excited, and then it just depresses me.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50What does?
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Missing them and that, you know.
0:05:54 > 0:05:59I should have bloody emigrated with them, when they asked me.
0:05:59 > 0:06:00Aye.
0:06:00 > 0:06:05I sometimes wish I'd done that with my John in Johannesburg...
0:06:05 > 0:06:10but...ach...ye cannae, can ye?
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Suppose they end up moving again?
0:06:15 > 0:06:18That's YOU to move again.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21And yer just following them roon like a pup.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26That's not life.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Naw, it isnae.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Oor life's here.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36- Aye.- Pish, eh?
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Aye, it's pish.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Come on, we'll get a pint.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47"Matthew."
0:06:47 > 0:06:50No, it doesnae look like a Matthew.
0:06:50 > 0:06:55- How many did you take?- Three. Patch...Fido and Rex.- Fly bastard.
0:06:55 > 0:07:00Ye've swiped all the good dug names and left us wi' all the shite.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04What can I say? I'm the landlord. It's my caird.
0:07:04 > 0:07:08"Richard..." Richard the dog?
0:07:08 > 0:07:13Chris... Chris. I'll take Christopher. Chris the dug.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Oh, look who it is. Batman and Robin!
0:07:16 > 0:07:20Aye. We'll accept that, if you go Catwoman, ya pussy.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26- Jack, Victor. Harry's back. - Aw, no, yer joking?
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Name the dug. I've two left.
0:07:29 > 0:07:33- We're no wantin' a dug. - It's an electric dug.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36A dug wi' a plug? It runs on batteries.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Naw! Bloody daft, electric dug.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41It's for charity. How much? 50p a name.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43I'll take the last two.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Right, Matthew or Richard?
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Matthew. Matt the dug.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51And I'll take Richard.
0:07:51 > 0:07:56- Dick the dug. - Ye can get done for that.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01Isa! Isa, sweetheart! Please!
0:08:01 > 0:08:05- Stay away fae me, Harry. I've telt ye already.- I know, darling.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09The last thing I want is to be hassling ye. But I'm down a hole.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12- I've got nowhere to go!- Harry,
0:08:13 > 0:08:18all my life, ye've cheated on me, lied to me, even stole from me.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22And I've taken ye back time and time again and for what?
0:08:22 > 0:08:27Only for you to leave me. I'll not be made a laughing stock any more!
0:08:27 > 0:08:31So ye'd leave me standin' here? Homeless?
0:08:31 > 0:08:35Like a dug in the street? Without the price of a pint?
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Here.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41This isnae a loan, Harry.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45It's a gift. And it's the last gift ye'll ever get from me!
0:08:45 > 0:08:50Isa, I don't need to remind you... my name's on that door.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55I'll buy a new name plate, then!
0:08:55 > 0:08:59Let's stop playing games, Isa! I love you!
0:08:59 > 0:09:03Well, I don't love YOU! I've met someone else.
0:09:03 > 0:09:08- What? Who?- None of your business! Now, leave me alone!
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Sherry, Bobby.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20- All right, Isa? - Naw. Harry's back.- Aye, we know.
0:09:20 > 0:09:25- And that's not all! I've telt him I've got a fella!- Eh?- Your sherry.
0:09:25 > 0:09:30Lager, please, Bobby. Allow me, sweetheart.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- I'm paying for Isa's, Harry. - You're the new fella?
0:09:35 > 0:09:37That's right.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Cracking woman. Bit of a gabshite, but generally lovely.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46Er.. Bobby, who's won the dug?
0:09:46 > 0:09:49- Looks like I have.- Eh?- Nothing. - Scrape it aff.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Attention, everybody! >
0:09:53 > 0:09:59The winner of the Name-the-dog competition is...
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Matthew.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Smashing.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Gies my dug.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Come here, Matthew.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17- ELECTRONIC YAPPING - Is that it?
0:10:17 > 0:10:21Ye've got to give it commands. Train it and that.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Matthew...bite his baws!
0:10:29 > 0:10:31What time is it there?
0:10:31 > 0:10:35It's half past eight here. ..Aye, I got it.
0:10:35 > 0:10:39I'm just after watching it. It was absolutely fantastic.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43Jack and Stephen look a right handful.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Aye, oh, aye.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Have you lost weight?
0:10:48 > 0:10:52You're not as broad in the arse as ye used to be!
0:10:52 > 0:10:55I'm only winding ye up, God's sake!
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Aye, I'm fine. Aye, I've never been rosier.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02Victor? Aye, he's fine and all.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04He's got a dug now.
0:11:04 > 0:11:09Eh? No, not a real dug. No, it's a gold dug.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Eh?
0:11:11 > 0:11:12Och, never mind.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15It's just a gold...a gold...
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Awf, I don't know about that.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22When were you thinking?
0:11:23 > 0:11:26Oh, well, that's a bit soon.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Can I think aboot it?
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Oh, right.
0:11:33 > 0:11:38I don't know. The morra? ..I'll phone you the morra.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Right.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Eh?
0:11:43 > 0:11:47Oh, no, that's fine, then. No, that's fine.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51I'll speak to you the morra. All right? See you then.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Canada...
0:12:03 > 0:12:05BUZZ!
0:12:05 > 0:12:08- Oh-ho. Here we go.- Morning, Navid.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11- Morning, Harry. - 20 Benson and Hedges.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17I hear my Isa's, er... hooked up with Winston.
0:12:17 > 0:12:23- How do you mean, hooked up? - Going out...together.
0:12:26 > 0:12:31Winston and Isa? That's a belter, right enough! Winston hates Isa.
0:12:31 > 0:12:36Naw, Harry. Check your Y-fronts. Someone's pulling your pisser.
0:12:36 > 0:12:3820 Benson and Hedges.
0:12:38 > 0:12:43- Ye couldnae possibly let me have them on the...?- No, no, no, no, no.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47Sorry did I say no there? I meant to say NO!
0:12:47 > 0:12:51C'mon, Navid. Isa'll gie ye the money back.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55Jesus. Tapping Isa in her absence. Unbelievable.
0:12:55 > 0:13:01- It's only 20 fags, Navid.- Do you see buttons, a zipper, Velcro,
0:13:01 > 0:13:03or any other fastening device? No!
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Sling yer hook, ye panhandling bastard.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12- How long have I to walk aboot with ye? I'm choking for a pint.- Lager?
0:13:12 > 0:13:19- At this time of day?- We've only been going oot two minutes and yer nagging already! I want a divorce!
0:13:19 > 0:13:23- It's just for a couple of days, Winston...- Hello.- Hello.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25..till Harry gets the message.
0:13:25 > 0:13:30It's the message everybody else is getting I'm worried about.
0:13:30 > 0:13:31Oh, God!
0:13:31 > 0:13:36- Give us yer arm.- Nae touching. That is not part of the deal.- Please!
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Right.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48- Harry.- Isa... Winston.
0:13:48 > 0:13:53- Harry.- Thanks for walking me to my work...
0:13:53 > 0:13:56- Pumpkin.- Pumpkin?
0:13:56 > 0:14:01- Oh, nae problem, pumpkin. - Now, away and get yersel' a pint.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04A pint? Oh, that's a rare idea.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08It's not many girlfriends that let you go for a pint. ..Is it, Harry?
0:14:08 > 0:14:11No, it is not!
0:14:11 > 0:14:16Don't make anything for tonight's tea. I'll bring in yer favourite.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20- Ohh, my favourite! Which is a sausage supper.- I know that!
0:14:20 > 0:14:22I know you know that.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Well, then...
0:14:25 > 0:14:27goodbye, Winston.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Jesus!
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Eh...
0:14:32 > 0:14:34That was smashing! Yum-yum!
0:14:36 > 0:14:39Wag yer wee tail.
0:14:39 > 0:14:40Naw?
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Bark!
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Nothing. Are ye hungry?
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Listen, are ye hungry?
0:14:52 > 0:14:56"Clap your hands and the dug will flip."
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Flip! Flip!
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Hey-ho.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Hello, Jack.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11How are ye getting on with the wee dug?
0:15:11 > 0:15:15Och, not so well. I think he's depressed.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20Depressed? Your plastic dug's depressed?
0:15:22 > 0:15:26Look, it says here, if ye dinnae tend to it, it gets depressed.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30A boy skated by here five minutes ago
0:15:30 > 0:15:35and wee Matthew here wandered out in front of him. He's suicidal!
0:15:37 > 0:15:41You can help do it in. Aye. Take his wee batteries out. Euthanasia.
0:15:41 > 0:15:45- Very funny. Where have ye been, anyway?- Eh?
0:15:45 > 0:15:50Thomsons, the travel agents. I'm going to visit my Fiona.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53I'm going to Canada.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57- Yer no'! For a wee holiday? - Aye. A fortnight.
0:15:57 > 0:16:02- That's smashin'. Good for you. When are ye going?- Next Friday.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Jesus! That's quick.
0:16:04 > 0:16:10I was gonnae say, why don't you go and see your John in Jo'burg?
0:16:10 > 0:16:14- That'll save you sitting about on yer arse while I'm away.- Eh?
0:16:14 > 0:16:18- I cannae drop that on them. - Pish! Gie them a phone.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22Never you mind about me. I'll be fine.
0:16:24 > 0:16:29- Why don't ye come wi' me, then? - Jack, give it a rest!
0:16:29 > 0:16:33I'm no' daft. I'll no' go to rack and ruin in the fortnight yer away!
0:16:33 > 0:16:38- Fiona's always asking after ye. They'd be glad to see ye.- Naw, Jack.
0:16:38 > 0:16:42- Promise me you'll phone your John? - Aye, all right.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Canada, eh? Must be chuffed.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Aye. Jack Jarvis Esquire. Canada bound!
0:16:57 > 0:17:00It flipped because I clapped. It says here!
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Rubbish. I clapped and it did hee-haw.
0:17:03 > 0:17:08He's low. He's no' coming out of himself. He's no' happy.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12- You know why that is?- How?
0:17:12 > 0:17:15It's cos he's not got a cock.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18- Shut up!- I'm telling ye.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22That's why Action Man's face is always tripping him.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26- Don't listen to him, Matthew.- So?
0:17:26 > 0:17:32- So what?- Are you phoning your John? - Eh? Oh...naw.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36Come on, get him phoned. Tell him you want to come out next week.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39- I know what he'll say.- What?- "Naw."
0:17:39 > 0:17:44- Ye don't know that for sure.- Aye, I dae. He's always letting me doon.
0:17:44 > 0:17:49- He's no' like your Fiona. He'll say naw.- Right, I'll put the kettle on.
0:17:49 > 0:17:55Why don't you just phone him and tell him yer wanting a wee holiday?
0:18:11 > 0:18:14Hello. John? Aye, it's your da.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17How's it going, son?
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Aye, good, good. ..No, no, nothing, nothing.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23I was just gonnae say...
0:18:23 > 0:18:28Jack's going to Canada. ..Aye. And I was thinking...
0:18:28 > 0:18:33No, no... No, I was gonnae come and see youse, you know,
0:18:33 > 0:18:38rather than sit on my arse for a fortnight while Jack's away.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40End of next week.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Aye, I know it's soon, aye.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Wee bit last minute, eh?
0:18:46 > 0:18:50Well, what aboot the following week, then?
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Are ye?
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Ach, well.
0:18:55 > 0:18:59Not at all. I thought it might be tight...
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Well, when would be best?
0:19:03 > 0:19:05To come over?
0:19:07 > 0:19:10Right, I'll phone ye.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15Naw, naw, I've gotta go. There's somebody at the door.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18Eh? I know. No, I know.
0:19:18 > 0:19:23Gie my best to the boy, eh? ..Right. I'll see ye now.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28- How did that go?- How did that go?
0:19:28 > 0:19:33- Lousy. That's how it went, stupid bastard.- How am I a stupid bastard?
0:19:33 > 0:19:38I told you he'd say no but you're at me - "Phone him, phone him!"
0:19:38 > 0:19:43- Happy now? I've phoned him and he's chased me.- Maybe he's busy, Victor.
0:19:43 > 0:19:48Aye, I could hear the wheels turning, trying to think up a reason.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52- What was the reason?- A convention in Cape Town. Lot of shite.
0:19:52 > 0:19:56Well, that's that, then. Just come with me. My Fiona says...
0:19:56 > 0:20:01Your Fiona. Your Fiona. That's right, your Fiona's an angel, eh?
0:20:01 > 0:20:06"Come over, Dad, and bring as many of your sad old pals as ye want."
0:20:06 > 0:20:10- Wait a minute!- No, YOU wait a minute! I'm not a charity case!
0:20:10 > 0:20:15- I was doing fine till you brought all this up!- Now, look, Victor...
0:20:15 > 0:20:18I know fine how much my boy isnae interested in me.
0:20:18 > 0:20:22But YOU railroaded me into being reminded of the fact!
0:20:22 > 0:20:26- I thought you needed a holiday!- I'll be getting a holiday - from YOU!
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- Fine!- Good!
0:20:28 > 0:20:30DOOR SLAMS >
0:20:30 > 0:20:33..Oh, Matthew!
0:20:41 > 0:20:45# She may be the face I can't forget
0:20:45 > 0:20:49# A trace of pleasure or regret
0:20:49 > 0:20:55# May be my treasure or the price I have to pay
0:20:56 > 0:21:01# She may be the song that summer sings
0:21:01 > 0:21:04# May be the chill that autumn brings
0:21:04 > 0:21:08# May be a hundred tearful things
0:21:08 > 0:21:12# Within the measure of a day
0:21:14 > 0:21:19# She may be the beauty or the beast
0:21:19 > 0:21:23# May be the famine or the feast
0:21:23 > 0:21:28# May turn each day into heaven or hell
0:21:29 > 0:21:33# She may be... # SONG FADES
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Goldie, Bobby.
0:21:49 > 0:21:55- You obviously didnae get that in here. That looks edible.- Don't ask.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59- Is Harry still hangin' aboot? - Aye. Like a shadow.
0:21:59 > 0:22:04He's playing pool the noo. He's waiting for us to slip up.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06How long's that been?
0:22:06 > 0:22:11A week noo. It's not that. Every night I've tae walk her hame,
0:22:11 > 0:22:15and sit for an hour to make sure creepy-breeks isn't hanging about.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21How's things wi' you and Victor? Still no' talking?
0:22:21 > 0:22:26Naw. And I'm no' wanting it to drag on cos I'm away in the morning.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Pint of lager, please, Bobby.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33I'll get that.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Thanks, Jack.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39So, er...away in the morning, eh?
0:22:39 > 0:22:43Aye. It would have been good if you could have came with us.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Aye, well, maybe next time, eh?
0:22:49 > 0:22:53Listen, I didnae mean to force ye into phoning your John, you know.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57Jack...my son cannae be arsed,
0:22:57 > 0:23:01and I shouldnae be taking that out on you.
0:23:02 > 0:23:08- How's wee Matthew?- That arsehole?! Two hours I lost him for yesterday.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12- Where did I find him? In the oven! - Tried to gas himself?- Aye.
0:23:12 > 0:23:17- Are you no' taking a pint? - Naw. I've packing to dae.
0:23:17 > 0:23:22- Och, take a wee pint. Just to see you off.- Aye, all right.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27- Am I not to get one?- Naw. Too many pints affects yer performance!
0:23:27 > 0:23:33Right enough, Bobby! ..C'mon, you! You're nae use to me all floppy!
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Floppy?! Where the hell did that come fae?
0:23:42 > 0:23:45I'm sorry, Winston! It was oot before I realised!
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Harry was was making me all jumpy.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52He must have the message by now. So I'm off the hook,
0:23:52 > 0:23:54we can get back to wur ain thing.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57It's not been that bad, has it?
0:23:57 > 0:24:02I've always got a drink in, and ye enjoy my sandwiches and cakes!
0:24:02 > 0:24:05And we've had a good laugh tae!
0:24:05 > 0:24:07When?
0:24:07 > 0:24:11The other night, we were watching the news, and Jackie Bird came on
0:24:11 > 0:24:18and I said, "Do you think when her and her man are starting to make love, she shouts, 'This just in!' "
0:24:21 > 0:24:25- DOORBELL - Oh, God!
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Who's that?
0:24:27 > 0:24:32- It might be Harry!- Calm doon. ..C'mon.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40It's him, right enough.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44- What'll we dae? - Just ignore it. He'll go away!
0:24:44 > 0:24:48- KEYS RATTLE IN LOCK - He's still got his keys!
0:24:48 > 0:24:50(Jesus!)
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Isa?
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Isa!
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Isa, sweetheart!
0:25:23 > 0:25:27There's nothing floppy here!
0:25:38 > 0:25:40I knew fae the beginning.
0:25:40 > 0:25:45Nae offence, Winston, but you're hardly a match.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48The lengths I've went to to get the message across.
0:25:48 > 0:25:53- I know, darlin'.- It's finished. Can ye no' just accept it?
0:26:03 > 0:26:05I'll see myself out.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09Goodbye, Isa.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12Goodbye, Harry.
0:26:25 > 0:26:29- How are ye?- Aye, good. - Looking forward to the flight?
0:26:29 > 0:26:33I'll wait and see who's sitting here first.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37You generally get an arsehole on a long-haul flight.
0:26:37 > 0:26:42Oh, naw! The windae seat! I've got a weak bladder, an' all!
0:26:42 > 0:26:46I'll be up and doon like a bloody yo-yo!
0:26:48 > 0:26:50- New York, eh?- Eh?
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Only kidding, son!
0:26:54 > 0:26:55Toronto!
0:26:55 > 0:27:00Yer not supposed to drink yer ain, but I'm not waiting an hour
0:27:00 > 0:27:05- for that bevvy trolley to come up! A wee dram?- No, yer all right.
0:27:11 > 0:27:15Is there a film? But I'll no' be paying for headphones.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17I said I'll no' pay for headphones!
0:27:17 > 0:27:21# Come fly with me! Float down to Peru! #
0:27:23 > 0:27:27Look at these people, they look like ants!
0:27:27 > 0:27:31Oh, they ARE ants! We've not taken off yet!
0:27:34 > 0:27:37- 14A? come on.- Victor! - All right, Jack?
0:27:43 > 0:27:46You're a fly bastard!
0:27:46 > 0:27:48I booked it yesterday.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52I'm no' sittin' on my arse for two weeks while you have a guid time!
0:27:55 > 0:28:02Oh, not the windae seat! I've got a weak bladder, an all. I'll be up and doon like a bloody yo-yo!
0:28:02 > 0:28:05New York, eh?
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Toronto...
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Aye, Toronto.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13Jeezo.
0:28:48 > 0:28:51WOOF!
0:28:51 > 0:28:53Oh! Woof!
0:28:55 > 0:28:57Oh!
0:28:57 > 0:29:00- Happy wee thing, eh?- Aye!