0:00:43 > 0:00:45Mornin', Victor.
0:00:45 > 0:00:46Mornin', Jack.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49- What are you up tae?- Ah.- Oh, aye...
0:00:49 > 0:00:54let me guess. The breakfast biscuit of this morning is...Rich Tea!
0:00:54 > 0:00:59- Please, my friend.- Oh, aye, right enough, it was Bourbon Creams at mine yesterday
0:00:59 > 0:01:02- so you would try and top that with the Mint Viscount?- No. Way aff.
0:01:02 > 0:01:06If you got in a private jet, Jack, you could not get further away...
0:01:06 > 0:01:13- Kit Kat?- No.- Penguin?- No. - Blue Riband?- No.- Breakaway?- No. - Fox's Classic? ..Jaffa?
0:01:14 > 0:01:18- No.- There arnae any mair biscuits.
0:01:18 > 0:01:23You've gottae think outside the box and more along the lines of... patisserie!
0:01:23 > 0:01:29Mammy Daddy! Chocolate eclairs! That is exactly what you're after at half eight in the morning! To me.
0:01:30 > 0:01:34That's it, Jack. Savour it. Take your time.
0:01:34 > 0:01:39Would you like a tea plate and a pastry fork?
0:01:39 > 0:01:43By the way, before I forget, Winston cannae meet us for a pint the day.
0:01:43 > 0:01:49- He's gaun up the hospital to get his new leg.- Good fur him. About bloody time, an a'.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59I'd a boner this morning.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03- A boner?- Aye. Just woke up, there it was. Hello.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07So, what did ye dae?
0:02:07 > 0:02:11- What do you mean what did I dae? - A wee fouter...?
0:02:11 > 0:02:16Shut up. Course I didnae, no! I just admired it for five minutes and then it went away.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19I cannae remember the last time I had a bloody boner.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Oh, no, I tell a lie.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25- Judy Finnigan.- Judy Finnigan?!
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Aye. Before she went all shakey.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30Christ, that must have been a while ago.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Ah, well, good luck to you, Jack.
0:02:33 > 0:02:39That there is Mother Nature's way of reminding you that everything is in working order should you need it.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43I think it's Mother Nature taking the piss, giein' you a bone and naewhere to bury it.
0:02:43 > 0:02:49Tell me this...what would you dae if a big dame came to the door and said,
0:02:49 > 0:02:52"Right, Jackie boy. Get me squared up pronto."
0:02:52 > 0:02:58I know exactly what I'd dae. "Come in. Get yer scants and nylons aff, there's a wee sherry."
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Into the bedroom and yabba dabba doo.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Is that right, aye? I think ye'd shite yersel.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08- Aye, I would, aye. So would you! - Course I would.
0:03:08 > 0:03:14- Good job then, intit?- What?- That naebody's up bangin' the door wantin' their hole aff us.- Aye.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18We're lucky. Couple of lucky auld bastards.
0:03:18 > 0:03:24KNOCK ON DOOR Smashin'. That'll be some woman wanting her hole aff us noo.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28DOORBELL RINGS, KNOCKING CONTINUES
0:03:34 > 0:03:39- Yes, lads?- How you daein', Mr McDade? We're collecting for Craiglang Football Club.
0:03:39 > 0:03:44Nice touch. Used ma name. Personal. So what huv ye got tae dae?
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- Pick a number and write yer name on the back of it.- Back of it.
0:03:47 > 0:03:53- Then, when a' the numbers are took, we cut them up and put them in a tombola.- A tombola?- Aye. A tombola.
0:03:53 > 0:03:58- If ye win, it's, er, £20. - The rest of the money goes to jerseys, for the team.
0:03:58 > 0:04:04That sounds smashin'. Hold on, I just want to get my pal. He'll want a piece of this. Jack?
0:04:05 > 0:04:07What's going on here?
0:04:07 > 0:04:12- The boys here are collecting for the Craiglang football team.- Oh, aye.
0:04:12 > 0:04:18Apparently what you do is ye pick a lucky number and then they cut them all up and put them into a...
0:04:18 > 0:04:22- What is it you call it?- A tombola. - A tombola!- Tombola?- You can win...
0:04:22 > 0:04:28- 20 quid!- Where is it Craiglang football team play again?
0:04:28 > 0:04:32- Eh...doon at the green.- Oh, aye, the green, aye. What green's that?
0:04:32 > 0:04:37- Um...the wan just doon there. - Did you no' get beat last week?
0:04:37 > 0:04:41- Aye! Aye, we did! We got beat! - Who was it that beat ye?- Em...
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Come on now, ye must remember, it was only last week.
0:04:45 > 0:04:52- Was it Made Up United?- Arenae There FC?- Don't Exist Rovers? - A Couple O' Wee Lyin' Pricks Albion?
0:04:52 > 0:04:56Put that in yer tombola, ya wee bastards.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Craiglang fitba team! Ma arse!
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Anybody sittin' there, Eric?
0:05:14 > 0:05:16- Eric?- Eh? Aye...naw.
0:05:16 > 0:05:22Mind if I join ye? I'm gonnae get a wee cup of tea before I start at Navid's.
0:05:22 > 0:05:27Bloody parched. Never got ma normal cuppa this morning. Fuse was away in the kettle.
0:05:27 > 0:05:33I always take a cup of tea in the morning. Puts ye right off yer stride when you don't get it.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35That first cuppa.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47- Is it tea or is it coffee you take, Eric?- Tea or coffee.
0:05:47 > 0:05:53- No, it's petrol you drink, intit? - Petrol, aye...
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Oh, aye.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59- That'll be the new lassie then, is it?- That's her.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03- The lovely Rena. - I don't know about that.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07Her skirt's away up roon' her erse and the chest on her's ridiculous!
0:06:07 > 0:06:11Oh, aye. I hate that. She's a widow tae.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15What difference does that make to you? She's aboot 45.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19She wouldnae look at any of youse, ya daft old buggers!
0:06:24 > 0:06:26- Isa.- Eric.
0:06:26 > 0:06:31- Oh, aye. I was wondering when you two would show up.- How's that?
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Down here ogling the new lassie.
0:06:33 > 0:06:39- What new lassie?- Rena. The new lassie.- I didnae know there was a new lassie. Did you, Victor?
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- Nup.- What can I get for you?
0:06:43 > 0:06:48You can accept a warm welcome to Craiglang, sweetheart.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52We wish you every success in your new job. Good luck.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- Two teas, please, sweetheart. - Aw, that's lovely!
0:06:57 > 0:07:00That is really lovely.
0:07:01 > 0:07:07And it's Jarvis and McDade pullin' away from the pack of dead-beat loser arseholes...
0:07:09 > 0:07:13Chocolates and flowers, Eric. The only way to fly, son.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17There he is!
0:07:42 > 0:07:45Can you no' read?
0:07:46 > 0:07:51Aye, I can read. I can read perfectly well.
0:07:51 > 0:07:55Says...Nosmo King. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. He's a good guy, Nosmo!
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Very good.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03- I broke ma wrist at work. - Thanks for that. I didnae ask ye.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Where's yer leg?
0:08:05 > 0:08:08You're no' really readin' that, man.
0:08:09 > 0:08:15You're just pretendin' tae read that so ye don't huv tae talk tae me.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Cos it's a wummin's magazine. Mate...
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Here, mate...
0:08:23 > 0:08:27Here, mate, it's a wummin's magazine.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Mate...
0:08:29 > 0:08:31What is it?
0:08:31 > 0:08:32Where's yer leg?
0:08:32 > 0:08:35- It's no' here.- Where is it, then?
0:08:35 > 0:08:43I don't know. I got it cut off, cos I smoked too many fags like you when I was younger.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46- You smoked yer leg aff, man?- Aye.
0:08:46 > 0:08:51- What ye talkin' aboot?- Well... - Naw, man. Naw, man!
0:08:51 > 0:08:55You smoked yer leg aff wi' too many fags?! Like this?
0:08:57 > 0:08:58Ohhh!
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Naw, I don't think so, mate.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Mr Ingram?
0:09:03 > 0:09:05That's me, son.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13- Oh, aye, mate...- What is it?!
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Don't smoke yer other leg aff, an a'!
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Right, Doc. Let's get a look at this new leg.
0:09:24 > 0:09:29I tried phoning you this morning, Mr Ingram, but you'd already left.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31There's a wee bit of a problem.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Oh.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38New fitba strips? That'd be smashin'!
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Put your purse away, Mima.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44That's right, cos it's a bloody con.
0:09:44 > 0:09:45Is it?
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Ye little bastard!
0:09:48 > 0:09:52What is it wi' you, eh? Preying on bloody pensioners!
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Just tryin' tae get masel some money.
0:09:54 > 0:10:00You're gonnae end up in the pokie, boy. A couple o' quid just now, but it'll lead to bigger things.
0:10:00 > 0:10:05- Bag snatchin'. Armed robbery.- Diamond heists.- It's a slippery slope.
0:10:05 > 0:10:10- You need to get yersel on the straight and narra. Get yersel a girlfriend.- Aye.
0:10:10 > 0:10:15- That's what you should be aboot at your age. Pictures. Dancin'. - Walkin' in the park. The good stuff.
0:10:15 > 0:10:22- You got a girlfriend?- Naw. I quite like that lassie, but, that works in the cafe.- The big redhead?
0:10:22 > 0:10:25- She's old enough tae be yer maw! - Naw. Sinead.
0:10:25 > 0:10:32- The one that does the tables.- Oh, aye, the wee lassie. Well, there ye are then. Ask her oot.- Naw.- How?
0:10:32 > 0:10:37- I wouldnae know what tae say. - Rubbish. Just hit her wi' the young patter!
0:10:38 > 0:10:41The young patter, eh? This'll be good.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44- Gie us some of that, Jack. - Eh, right ye are. Em...
0:10:44 > 0:10:49I like the PlayStation. Do you like the PlayStation?
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Whit are ye laughin' at? Can you do any better?
0:10:54 > 0:10:59Huv ye heard a' the new rapper music? I've heard it. And I like it.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02I'll gie ye that, aye. That's good, aye.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05No, that was pish, man.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09- There's Isa. - Jesus, look at the state of her!
0:11:09 > 0:11:14She's hotfooting it into Navid's to spill the beans about Rena and Wullie.
0:11:14 > 0:11:19Let's beat her to it and put her nose right oot o' joint. Come on.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22You, keep yer nose clean. And good luck with that lassie.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Navid! Guess what!
0:11:29 > 0:11:35- Wait till ye hear, Navid.- Isa, shut up, we're telling the tale.- Ye know big Rena that works in the cafe...?
0:11:35 > 0:11:41- Shut yer hole, Isa. Just for once I would like to hear a bit of gossip no' from you.- I was in the cafe...
0:11:41 > 0:11:45- Get your brush and go behind the beads.- Yeah, but...- Behind the beads.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56Will you get behind the bloody beads, woman!
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Gentlemen, the floor is yours.
0:12:00 > 0:12:06- Right...Victor.- Not at all, Jack. - Are you sure?- I insist.- Right... We're in the Rendezvous Cafe...
0:12:06 > 0:12:11Rena the new woman in the cafe was snoggin' Wullie Reid! Sorry! It's too good!
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Ya lousy bastard!
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Oh, Christ. That's a belter. She's been in here.
0:12:18 > 0:12:24- She's a big honey.- Aye. What dae ye suppose the attraction is there? - It's no' money. He's no' got two bob.
0:12:24 > 0:12:29Naw, he's a scrounging bastard, always asking for tic. He must have a smashin' big cock.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32- Aye.- Probably.
0:12:32 > 0:12:37I'll tell ye what he's got - that smashin' hoose on Blairtannoch Avenue.
0:12:37 > 0:12:42Two in a block. They're like hens' teeth! She'll be after his hoose!
0:12:44 > 0:12:49- Wullie. Christ, look at the state you're in.- Are you riding a bike?
0:12:49 > 0:12:53Aye. It was a gift from ma girlfriend.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57- Aye, we saw the pair o' youse at the cafe. She's half your age.- So?
0:12:57 > 0:13:00It's love. She's moving in wi' me.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05- You not a bit old for a bike, Wullie? - Nonsense!
0:13:05 > 0:13:11- She got me a bike. Keep me fit!- Keep ye fit for what?! Oh, you're no...?
0:13:11 > 0:13:15That's absolutely none of your business! What a thing tae ask.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19I would never discuss anything personal like that!
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Any condoms, Navid?
0:13:23 > 0:13:26- What are youse laughin' at? - Nothing. Nothing. Sorry, Wullie.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30- Ask again. I won't laugh.- Condoms. I'm needin' condoms.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Ribbed...or flavoured?
0:13:34 > 0:13:36..Flavoured.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Ach, get it up youse! I'll go tae Boots.
0:13:55 > 0:14:00There's someone lifted my pint! Where's my pint?
0:14:00 > 0:14:06Jeezo! You go for a quick pish and some lousy bastard whisks yer pint away.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Ye didnae have a pint, Tam. Ye've just come in.
0:14:08 > 0:14:12The Lord loves a tryer. What's that ye've got, Eric?
0:14:12 > 0:14:17- It's supposed to be mince and tatties.- Tatties rock hard?- Mm-hm.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20- Mince a' watery?- Aye.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22- Nae Oxo.- Nup.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24- Salt?- Naw!
0:14:24 > 0:14:26- Tasteless?- Aye.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Pint of lager, Boabby.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36- Two pints, Boabby.- Thank you, Eric.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- Winston. Did you get your new foot? - I did, aye.
0:14:57 > 0:15:03- That's good, Winston. Noo you can have the two shoes on.- Two shoes, Eric, aye.- What's the matter wi' ye?
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Nuthin'. Gimme a pint o' lager.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Look who it is! Phyllis and Diller.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13That's got to be the worst yet, ya tosspot.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17- How?- Cos Phyllis Diller is one person, no' two.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21Normally, when we come in, you gie it, "Batman and Robin."
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Or "Laurel and Hardy." Double acts.
0:15:24 > 0:15:31- What you said is like saying, "Look! It's Frank and Sinatra."- Or "Bob and Hope." But if that's yer patter...
0:15:31 > 0:15:36Knock yourself out. Look, Jack! It's Lawrence Lewellyn Bowen!
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Two pints, ya prick!
0:15:40 > 0:15:43Is that your new foot, Winston? Smashin'.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46- Is it comfy? You getting aboot a' right?- Aye.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50- Gie's a look at it.- Eh? Naw. It's a foot.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53- I've never seen a rubber foot. - It's no' rubber.
0:15:53 > 0:15:59- Is it a good match wi' the other yin?- Can you wear shorts? Let's see. - Get it oot!
0:15:59 > 0:16:04Leave the man alone. He's in for a quiet pint, no' to show it aff!
0:16:04 > 0:16:07- Let's see it!- Aye, c'mon get it oot.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30There ye are.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51- There ye are.- Cheers.
0:17:01 > 0:17:05Gie it a rest, youse two. You've had yer jollies doon the pub.
0:17:05 > 0:17:11It's no' the foot. It's the nails. What's the deal with the nails?
0:17:11 > 0:17:16I've telt youse. It's the only one they had. Bloody NHS.
0:17:16 > 0:17:20- It was either that or wait forever for a man's foot.- Get a marker pen
0:17:20 > 0:17:24- and draw hairs on it! Butch it up a bit!- Gie it a rest.
0:17:27 > 0:17:33- Well, it's, um, a bonnie foot, Winston.- Well-turned ankle. - Sexy even.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36It's depressing, that's what it is.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39- How?- See sitting in that hospital,
0:17:39 > 0:17:43wi' a' the other decrepit old bastards...
0:17:43 > 0:17:47in beds, in chairs and on sticks.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50I've never seen masel as one of them...
0:17:50 > 0:17:53but that's what I've become noo, intit?
0:17:53 > 0:17:57I mean, what next - the other bloody leg?
0:17:57 > 0:18:01- You're not one of them, Winston. - Aye, Jack's right.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04This'll no' change anything.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Ye've lost hauf yer leg, big deal.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12I mean, that's hardly you on the scrap heap, is it?
0:18:12 > 0:18:15When life hands you melons... make melon-ade.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18- Lemons, Jack.- Eh? Oh, aye.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Melons, ya prick!
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Bloody melons.
0:18:24 > 0:18:29- Speaking of melons, eh? We've got just the thing to cheer you up.- Eh?
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Put yer socks on. We're going to the cafe.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Where am I looking?
0:18:37 > 0:18:40You see Wullie Reid?
0:18:40 > 0:18:44- Aye, I see him. What aboot him? - He's shaggin'...her.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Away ye go, ya pair of doolally bastards!
0:18:48 > 0:18:50We're telling ye!
0:18:51 > 0:18:55- Christ almighty.- How about that? - Randy old bastard.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Awright?
0:18:57 > 0:19:02- Huv ye asked that wee lassie oot yet?- Naw.- Noo's yer chance!
0:19:03 > 0:19:06There's yer roll.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Thanks.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- Is there sauce on it?- Aye.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17- Is it red?- Aye.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21- Thanks.- Right.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28Boys. Thought youse might like to hear the latest.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31I was up the high street payin' ma phone
0:19:31 > 0:19:36when who staggers oot o' Curry's carrying a big heavy telly? Wullie.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40And she's at his side carrying nothing! Sweatin', he was!
0:19:40 > 0:19:43- And if that's no' enough... - Jesus, there's mair!
0:19:43 > 0:19:47Etta Clarke who lives through their wall telt me he was up all night bangin'!
0:19:47 > 0:19:51- Good for him!- Naw! Hammerin' and sawin' and bangin'!
0:19:51 > 0:19:56- What's your point, Isa?- I think she's got him daein' too much!
0:19:56 > 0:20:00I think she's trying tae burst his wee ticker and keep that hoose.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04Where do you think you are? Cabot Cove? Who are you?! Angela bloody Lansbury?
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Black widow pish!
0:20:07 > 0:20:11- Hello there, Wullie.- Hello, lads.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15- What's that you're drinkin'? - She's got me on it! Red Bull!
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Says it's good for me!
0:20:17 > 0:20:19My heart's gaun' like a train!
0:20:19 > 0:20:23I huvnae slept in two days!
0:20:25 > 0:20:27See youse!
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Very cynical, Isa. The man's in love.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37He's not the only one, Jack!
0:20:43 > 0:20:46- Isa's talkin' oot her arse.- Aye.
0:20:46 > 0:20:51A bloody black widow in Craiglang. I mean, it's only the daft woman that works in the cafe.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53And Sweeney Todd was just a daft barber.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57Be the way tae go, but, eh? Pumped tae death.
0:20:57 > 0:21:03It's the only way tae go. With a smile on yer face and they cannae get the lid of the coffin doon!
0:21:03 > 0:21:08Look at that Texan billionaire! He was pumped to death by his wife. That Anna Nicole Smith.
0:21:08 > 0:21:12The big blonde? "Here gie me your money! Feel ma diddies!"
0:21:12 > 0:21:16- It would be bad news if it was true, but.- If what was true?
0:21:16 > 0:21:21- Big Rena shagging Wullie oot his hoose.- At his age?
0:21:21 > 0:21:25Your hoose for your hole? That's a no-brainer!
0:21:25 > 0:21:30A pint o' lager. I'll be next in the queue once she's finished wi' him. Imagine that, eh?
0:21:30 > 0:21:36- The last days o' your life and you wake up with a big dolly bird lyin' next to you!- You do that already.
0:21:36 > 0:21:44Wake up, look doon at your lovely wee woman's foot hanging oot the bed. Wee painted tootsies.
0:21:46 > 0:21:53Next, you'll be lookin' for a wee plastic haun, a fake wig and tits. You could shag yersel' tae death!
0:21:53 > 0:21:59- I'll stick this woman's foot up your arse, Boabby. - I'm intae that.- Easy, Winston.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09That'll learn ye, ya bastard!
0:22:10 > 0:22:11Aw, naw!
0:22:14 > 0:22:16I know I'm right.
0:22:16 > 0:22:20She was living in that council estate that had to get pulled doon!
0:22:20 > 0:22:25So she needs Wullie's hoose! Everybody thinks it's a big joke!
0:22:25 > 0:22:30And I'm thinking, "Is it ME? Am I the crazy one here?"
0:22:30 > 0:22:33BHANGRA MUSIC PLAYS
0:22:33 > 0:22:36I mean, what do you think, Navid?
0:22:37 > 0:22:38Navid!
0:22:38 > 0:22:43- Navid!- I'm no' listening to you, Isa. I'm listening to my iPod.
0:22:43 > 0:22:48- Go and hawk your bullshit to someone who gives a toss!- All I'm saying...
0:22:53 > 0:23:00All bloody week! "She's trying to kill Wullie! Big Rena from the cafe is a murdering cow!"
0:23:03 > 0:23:07- Did you hear any of what I was saying there?- Er...no.- Quality.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15- What can I get you? - Big box of matches.- Matches.
0:23:17 > 0:23:21- Bottle of methylated spirit.- Spirit.
0:23:24 > 0:23:28And a packet of Jammy Dodgers.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31THUNDER AND LIGHTNING
0:23:34 > 0:23:36That's...£4.75.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38There you go.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46- There you go.- Thank you.
0:23:52 > 0:23:59What an elaborate trap, huh? First, she lures him into the basement with a trail of Jammy Dodgers...
0:23:59 > 0:24:01then squish...
0:24:01 > 0:24:04whouf... Boof!
0:24:06 > 0:24:11I'm beginning to think you're not so crazy after all!
0:24:17 > 0:24:22That'll be Winston barred oot the Clansman for a wee while.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Well, it's his ain fault.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27He hasnae got a leg to staun' on.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35There she is.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38I know I'm being a sexist pig an' a' that, but...
0:24:38 > 0:24:44there'll no' be a man in Craiglang that wouldnae gie their eye teeth tae be hangin' oot of that big dame.
0:24:44 > 0:24:49I know exactly what you're sayin', Jack. Good luck tae ye, Wullie!
0:24:49 > 0:24:53- Aye, happy huntin' tae him, aye. - Get in amongst it, boy!
0:25:03 > 0:25:05How's that, Rena?
0:25:07 > 0:25:11Are ye gettin' a picture noo? Rena! ..Aagh!
0:25:11 > 0:25:14GLASS SMASHES
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Victor, open the door!
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Jack! Are ye in there?
0:25:28 > 0:25:31- What the bloody hell is it, Isa? - Quick!
0:25:31 > 0:25:34I telt youse, but you wouldnae listen!
0:25:43 > 0:25:46What are we lookin' at?
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Oh, Jesus!
0:25:56 > 0:26:00Poor Wullie. I hope you've got her arrested!
0:26:00 > 0:26:04- Can you stand back, please?- What happened?- There's been an accident.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07- My arse!- Easy, Isa.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10It was no accident. She's killed him!
0:26:10 > 0:26:17- Keep your voice doon, hen. Mr Reid is with the officer just now. He's very upset.- MR Reid? Is he no' deid?
0:26:24 > 0:26:27I wis fixing the aerial...
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Lost ma footin'...
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Ended...falling off the roof...
0:26:33 > 0:26:35crashin' through the greenhouse.
0:26:35 > 0:26:42Rena must have came runnin' doon the stairs tae see what happened and fell.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Snapped her neck like a twig.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Oh, my...
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Are ye OK, Wullie?
0:26:49 > 0:26:51I'm fine.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53These wounds are superficial!
0:26:54 > 0:26:57I don't know what I'm gonnae dae.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03I loved her that much.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09You're a big honey. What's your name?
0:27:11 > 0:27:15DO you like the rappin'? Or the PlayStation?
0:27:43 > 0:27:46Winston!
0:27:46 > 0:27:49- You gettin' aboot then?- Aye, I am. - Good.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53- Want tae by a ticket for the Craiglang fitba club?- Aye.
0:27:53 > 0:27:57- When's the draw?- What the bloody hell are you daein'?
0:27:57 > 0:28:03- You still connin' people?- We were trying to help you. Get you a girlfriend. Keep you oot o' bother!
0:28:03 > 0:28:08I know, man, but I need the dough. Ma burd's up the duff.