0:01:05 > 0:01:06Phil!
0:01:07 > 0:01:10- Tam!- What are you in for?
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Getting a new pacemaker in the morning.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Are ye? You've only had that one a couple of years.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18Aye, I know.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22I took the grandweans to one of them LaserQuests.
0:01:22 > 0:01:27Ye know, where the weans shoot one another wi' laser beams and lights flashing.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30Thing went aff its nut. I got carted.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Oh, Jeez-o.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36So that's me.
0:01:36 > 0:01:41- It's a bastard, cos I was supposed to be going my holidays on Wednesday. - Oh, aye. Yer timeshare.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45I'm very sorry, sir, but it's well past visiting time.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Excuse me, hen.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Don't you recognise ma face?
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Tam Mullan.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54- Hospital DJ?- Oh, aye.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57I've seen yer face on the radio.
0:01:57 > 0:01:58Beat it.
0:02:00 > 0:02:05I'll be seeing you Phil, eh? I'll be thinking of ye. Keep strong.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Keep positive.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16So, eh... that yer timeshare lyin' empty?
0:02:18 > 0:02:21- Dirty bastard. - Dirty stinkin' bastard.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Dirty, low-order stinkin' bastard.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27Dirty, low-order, hoachin', stinkin' bastard.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30- Bastard!- Aye, he's a bastard.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34I might well be a bastard but in a week's time I'll be a golden brown bastard.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Takin' a dying man's holiday.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40He's no dyin'. He's incapacitated.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43I'm doing him a favour. Hoose watching, you could call it.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Pint of lager, Bobby. What have I missed?
0:02:45 > 0:02:50There's Phil Johnson lyin' up there in the hospital, cannae get goin' his timeshare holiday.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Tam's hoovered it aff him!
0:02:52 > 0:02:56- Dirty, low order, stinkin'... - Aye, we've gie'd him that.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Aye, good! That's you all o'er, isn't it, Tam?
0:02:59 > 0:03:01- Whit?- Spongin' stuff aff the ill.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Whit's wrang wi' ye? Stone deaf?
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Nothin' they can dae? Shame.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08- Gie's yer Walkman...- Shut up!
0:03:08 > 0:03:10- Who's doing your show while you're away?- Good question.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Timely. Apt. Know what I never dae?
0:03:13 > 0:03:16- What's that? - Buy Jack and Victor a pint.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Would you like a pint? Jack? Victor?
0:03:19 > 0:03:20Nice cold pint? Tasty? Frothy?
0:03:20 > 0:03:23No thanks. No way, Jose.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- How no? All you're daein' is spinning some records.- No.
0:03:26 > 0:03:32- Cos then we would be accomplices in you stealin' that man's timeshare aff him.- I'm due a holiday.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35I have been going up there for two year every week.
0:03:35 > 0:03:36Playing records for thae people.
0:03:36 > 0:03:40I have given tirelessly of myself for no reimbursement,
0:03:40 > 0:03:44apart fae tea, sandwiches and my weight in biscuits...
0:03:45 > 0:03:46Gie it a rest.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51C'mon, Jack. They people've got nothing.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55Lying up there, no' knowin' what's coming next.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58Be it good news or bad news.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02There's no' a lot of joy in a hospital.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04It's a lonely place if you're no' well.
0:04:05 > 0:04:11Ma show is a glimmer of hope. A beacon of happiness to a lot of people who need it.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16I won't have that sullied. Not by youse, not by anybody!
0:04:17 > 0:04:19New watch, Tam?
0:04:19 > 0:04:21John Gilchrist. Ward ten. Cancer.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Family size bag o' Revels, Navid.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38- That's no' a family size bag. - Aye, it is.- No, it's no'!
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Jesus, it is! Take them. 80 pence.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43I'm no giving it! That's no' a family bag.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47Christ, look! This is a regular bag.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50- This is a family bag.- I know what a family-sized bag looks like.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53I should know. And that's too wee.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56That's all the wean'll eat, in't it, Justin?
0:04:56 > 0:04:58We've tried him wi' vegetables, fish, meat.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01All he likes is a family bag o' Revels.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05Well, you have the peanuts, caramel, orange, coffee,
0:05:05 > 0:05:08so I suppose all the food groups ARE represented.
0:05:08 > 0:05:0980 pence.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12He had these for his breakfast.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16Look at the size of it. That's a family bag. THAT isnae!
0:05:16 > 0:05:19No, you're right. That is a full-size family bag.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22This is for you. A single-parent family bag. 80 pence.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Hurry up, Meena! What are doing in there?
0:05:34 > 0:05:38- SPEAKS IN PUNJABI - Sit on yer crate and read that!
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Come on, my back teeth are swimming here!
0:05:40 > 0:05:42IN PUNJABI
0:05:47 > 0:05:52Just gonnae gie the floor its wash, Navid. Murder that, in't it?
0:05:52 > 0:05:55When you're needin' and somebody's in there.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59TAP RUNNING
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Meeeena!
0:06:17 > 0:06:21Meena, you are rotten! There's a can of Haze here, ya stinky boot!
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Right, out you come.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Oh, shit.
0:06:38 > 0:06:39Hold the lift!
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Hold the lift!
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Oh! I nearly missed that there.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50What's in your bag?
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Never mind what's in the bloody bag, Isa.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Looks like LPs.
0:06:54 > 0:06:59What's this, X-ray vision? You're correct, it is LPs.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Victor and I are standing in for Tam at the hospital radio.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06That's good of you! I've got LPs here an aw! Funny that, in't it?
0:07:06 > 0:07:11What are the chances of us both staunin' here wi' a stack of LPs?
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Spooky. C'mon.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20I'm away to ma wee dance evening at the community centre.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22That's them started up again, ye see.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26We each take turn at bringing the records. That's how I've got....
0:07:26 > 0:07:29The LPs! Smashing, Isa. Good.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Ye might see Navid up at the hospital.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34- Navid? What's the matter wi' him? - Couldnae say that.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37That's a confidential thing, that.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40A man's health. He couldnae get a pee.
0:07:42 > 0:07:4520 minutes he stood, squeezing, shoving and grunting. Not a drop.
0:07:45 > 0:07:51Oh, there I've telt youse. Winston, what's your part in all this radio business?
0:07:51 > 0:07:54- I'm helping them. - Oh, aye? Helping them?
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Runnin' aboot after them like a sort of tea boy?
0:07:56 > 0:08:00Do you mark yer diary to get on my tits, Isa?
0:08:00 > 0:08:06I was just thinking, if the boys don't need ye, ye might like to accompany me to the dance class.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09We're always looking for partners. Big, handsome man like yersel',
0:08:09 > 0:08:15I'd be the envy of all the girls! # Oh, Rose-Marie-e-e
0:08:15 > 0:08:16# I lo-o-o-ove you-u-u-u... #
0:08:16 > 0:08:21I'm racking my brains here, Isa, to come up with reasons why not. Oh, that's right.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25I've only wan leg, I've never liked you and - this just in -
0:08:25 > 0:08:27naw!
0:08:33 > 0:08:37Good feeling being in a hospital and there's nothing wrang wi' ye.
0:08:37 > 0:08:42- Aye. Makes ye appreciate yer health, don't it?- Lads...
0:08:42 > 0:08:46Look at this. There's yer audience.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50There's no business like showbusiness.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53- Are you helping us or what?- Aye. - Well, c'mon then.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Hey-ho, Tam!
0:09:00 > 0:09:03You're late. Sit doon.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Sit here.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14- What'll you be daein'? - Stuff. Helping.- A lackey!- Whit?
0:09:14 > 0:09:16A footman. A toady, if you will.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20- Shut up!- Right, Tam, how do I switch this mic on?
0:09:20 > 0:09:21Doesnae matter.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23You don't need to talk - I never dae.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26- Just play some records.- Nae talking?
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Ma heid's full of shite for talkin'!
0:09:28 > 0:09:31Aye, we've got loads o' pish ta say.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Just keep it simple.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37One record finishes you put another one on. You don't need to talk.
0:09:37 > 0:09:44Apart from, on the hour, every hour, gie it, "This show is brought to you by Lanarcare."
0:09:44 > 0:09:46It's comin' up. Gie it a shot!
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Right, er, mic, is it?
0:09:51 > 0:09:55This show is brought to you by Lanarcare.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Oh, that was good!
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Right, lads, you're off air at ten.
0:10:00 > 0:10:06- I've got to go and get wan of these electrical bug mosquito killer things.- I've got one of them.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Have ye?
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Could you lend me it?
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Suppose so.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15That's great of ye. That's a saving.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18I'm away. Enjoy yersels, now!
0:10:21 > 0:10:25- Well?- "Well" what?
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Two teas, please!
0:10:30 > 0:10:34Generally with men your age it tends to be an enlarged prostate.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38But I wouldn't rule out at this stage a stricture or a kidney stone blocking your bladder.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41That's good, Doctor, but when can I pish again?
0:10:41 > 0:10:43That's what we're going to find out.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46I need to do an internal examination of your prostate.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Aw, Jesus. Up the butthole?
0:10:48 > 0:10:52I'm afraid so. Just roll onto your side.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Bring your knees up to your chest.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02And relax.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08You'll need to relax a wee bit more than that.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Bit more than that.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13I'm trying to relax!
0:11:13 > 0:11:16- There we are.- Oi!
0:11:23 > 0:11:27- Any joy?- I'm just going to press on your prostate.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29You may feel a slight discomfort.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Slight, eh? I'll be the judge of...
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Jesus!
0:11:37 > 0:11:38Sorry about that.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41That's all right.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46Don't worry. We'll get you up to a ward and have you fixed in no time.
0:11:46 > 0:11:51Good. I cannae have Meena daein' that every time I need a wazz.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57# Agadoo, doo, doo Push pineapple shake the tree
0:11:57 > 0:12:00# Agadoo, doo, doo Push pineapple, drink coffee
0:12:00 > 0:12:04# To the left, to the right Jump up and down and to the knees
0:12:04 > 0:12:09# Come and dance every night To a hula melody... #
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Ooh, Margaret...
0:12:17 > 0:12:19I'm sweating like Pavarotti in a cake shop!
0:12:21 > 0:12:26Hello, hen, how you doing? You should be up dancin', Liz.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30I'm saying, Liz here, she should be up dancing. Where's that Kenny of yours?
0:12:30 > 0:12:33He's usually wi' ye. Lazy bugger, eh?
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Isa!
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Kenny's no deid, is he?
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Oh, Jeez-o!
0:12:49 > 0:12:52SLOW MUSIC PLAYS This is borin', in't it?
0:12:53 > 0:12:57Aye. It's no' as fun as I thought it was gonnae be.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03How're we no allowed tae talk, Victor?
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Tam says we've no' tae talk.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Tam's no here. I'm choking tae talk.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12I'm choking tae say, "Hi there, welcome to the Jack Jarvis show".
0:13:12 > 0:13:17- How's it your show? - I'm no' being funny, but ma name's got more of a DJ ring to it.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19"Jack Jaaarvis."
0:13:19 > 0:13:21So's mine.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- "Victor MacDaaade."- That's nae use.
0:13:24 > 0:13:29See, ma name's got two letters the same. JJ! Jack Jarvis!
0:13:29 > 0:13:32"Gyrate tae Jack Jarvis!"
0:13:32 > 0:13:33I'm Victor MacDade.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35That's your record I played.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40- What about the Jack and Victor show? - What about the Victor and Jack show?
0:13:40 > 0:13:44What about The Jack Jarvis and Victor show?
0:13:44 > 0:13:46What about "Desert Island Dicks?"
0:13:47 > 0:13:50If we did start talking, what would we say?
0:13:50 > 0:13:54- That's the thing. DJs just talk a lot of shite anyway, don't they? - Aye.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Aye! Right, Winston?
0:13:57 > 0:14:00- No, no mair tea, no way!- Not at all.
0:14:00 > 0:14:04You've been promoted to the position of collector of requests.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08- Smashin'! That's better. - Aye. Take that pad and pen.
0:14:08 > 0:14:12Go round the wards and find out what everybody wants tae hear.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Jack! Lanarcare.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20This programme was brought to you by...Lanarcare.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Keep going.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Oh, by the way,
0:14:24 > 0:14:29If you are wondering who's that strange voice on the radio, I'll put you straight in the picture.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Your usual host is on holiday.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36So standing in for him this week is, Me, Jack Jarvis and my good friend...
0:14:39 > 0:14:45- ..Vic Vaughn. Hello, Vic(!) - Howdy, JJ!
0:14:45 > 0:14:50Currently circulating the wards is our good friend Winston Ingram
0:14:50 > 0:14:53collecting requests for your listening pleasure!
0:14:53 > 0:14:55For your delectation.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57- For your enjoyment. - Hope you enjoy this.
0:14:57 > 0:15:03Joe Loss, with his rendition of Glenn Miller's "In The Mood"!
0:15:06 > 0:15:08GLENN MILLER PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Aye. Thanks for dropping in for dinner.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15Look at that. She visits, sits for an hour, says nothing.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17She tans ma grapes!
0:15:17 > 0:15:20It's like a family tree wi' nae names on it!
0:15:20 > 0:15:23- Navid! Huv ye had yer op? - Aye, Winston.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26You're looking well. There couldnae have been much tae it.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Naw there was nothing to it, it was a skoosh.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Just three feet of cable jammed up my cock.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35Now I'm pissing blood into a bag for two days, what a laugh.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39- Was that Jack and Victor I heard on the radio? - Aye. They're staunin' in for Tam.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41- I'm taking requests.- Smashin'.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43I'll take Long Da Lishkara.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46And if they don't have that?
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Um, Zindagi Ka Safar.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51Right. Anybody else?
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Anything by Lena Horne?
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Right-o.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03- Yes?- Daniel Bedingfield. # I gotta get through this!
0:16:03 > 0:16:04# I've gotta get through this! #
0:16:04 > 0:16:07Jesus. Right.
0:16:07 > 0:16:08Come here, son.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11What can I dae for ye?
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Have ye got Nelson Eddie singin' Rose-Marie?
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Aye, that we could probably dae!
0:16:16 > 0:16:19- How ye keeping?- Aye. Good.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Can I come in?
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Aye, Isa.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42- Do you know ma trouble?- What's that?
0:16:42 > 0:16:44I've got a mooth like the Clyde tunnel.
0:16:44 > 0:16:45I've always been the same.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Talk first, listen later.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Margaret telt me there about your Kenny.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53I'm awful sorry.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58Aye. ..He loved this wee class.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03When we were getting ready he'd be the one shoutin' "Come on!
0:17:03 > 0:17:05"Come on! Get yer skates on!"
0:17:06 > 0:17:09I really shouldn't still be coming.
0:17:17 > 0:17:22You know, my granny and granda loved their gairden.
0:17:22 > 0:17:27When we were wee they would let ye play in it, but you had tae be careful, cos it was pristine.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Beautiful flowers all round about it.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Their wee lawn was like a putting green.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Every weekend they were in it, pottering about.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41When my Granda died, that was it.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43My granny wouldnae go out there.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46She let the garden run to seed.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50We tried to coax her to keep it nice, but she wisnae interested.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54Without him there, she didnae want anything tae dae with it.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57The place ended up like a jungle.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00A right mess, covered in weeds.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04And I remember thinking, "If ma granda saw that, he'd be fizzin'.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07No' angry cos the garden was a mess.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Angry cos she wasnae looking after it like they had.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15You've got to keep dancing, Liz.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18MUSIC STARTS
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Come on.
0:18:29 > 0:18:34Seven...multiplied by the nine, times ten.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Minus the five...
0:18:37 > 0:18:40minus seven. 618.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42HUMS COUNTDOWN THEME
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Aw, ya bastard, I've used the seven twice!
0:18:46 > 0:18:48PHONE RINGS
0:18:55 > 0:18:57- Hello?- Hello, Winston?
0:18:57 > 0:19:00- Tam? Are you at the airport?- No yet.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Eric's giving me a lift in a minute.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Taxi fair saved. Well done.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06What is it?
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Do you have any sun cream? Sun cream?
0:19:08 > 0:19:10I've gie'd ye every thing else.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14Towels, shoes, case, sunglasses! Chase yerself.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16But you know that stuff is £8.99 a bottle?
0:19:16 > 0:19:18I'm fair-skinned, I'll burn up.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21- £8.99!- Keep yer bunnet on.
0:19:21 > 0:19:25C'mon now. What's that stuff you put on yer heid at the bowling?
0:19:25 > 0:19:29- Factor 25. I got it fae the chemist.- Chemist?
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Bit oot ma road, the chemist.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Right, fine. Come round and get it.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37That's the game. See ye in a minute or two.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15It's now coming up to 7.30.
0:20:15 > 0:20:21Time to hop on the feel-good bus for a trip down memory lane. Jack!
0:20:21 > 0:20:23MUSIC: "Hard To Handle" by Otis Reading.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30# I can give you what you want but you got to go home with me
0:20:30 > 0:20:35# I've got some good old lovin' and I got some in store
0:20:35 > 0:20:38# When I get through throwin' it on you
0:20:38 > 0:20:41# You got to come back for more
0:20:41 > 0:20:43# Boys and things will come by the dozen
0:20:43 > 0:20:45# But that ain't nothin' but drugstore lovin'
0:20:45 > 0:20:47# Pretty little thing let me light your candle
0:20:47 > 0:20:51# Cos momma, I'm sure hard to handle Now I gets around
0:20:56 > 0:21:01# Actions speak louder than words, I'm a man with a great experience
0:21:01 > 0:21:06# I know you got you another man But I can love you better than him
0:21:06 > 0:21:10# Take my hand, don't be afraid I'm gonna prove every word I say
0:21:10 > 0:21:15# I'm advertisin' love for free So won't you place your ad with me?
0:21:15 > 0:21:21# Boys will come a dime by the dozen But that ain't nothing but ten cent lovin'... #
0:21:21 > 0:21:24That was for Sheena who's getting out this evening.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28Sheena, darling, hope we don't see you back in here again too soon.
0:21:31 > 0:21:36What is it you're saying to people who are suggesting that the health service isn't doing enough?
0:21:36 > 0:21:39The waiting list for operations is getting shorter.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42I've got a pal who's been waiting three years for a hip replacement.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44What do you say to him?
0:21:44 > 0:21:48- Statistically speaking...- Ach, away and don't talk a lot of shite.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Here's a mention for a good friend of ours, Navid.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03If you ever find yourself in Craiglang, be sure to pop in to Harrid's general store,
0:22:03 > 0:22:09for your fruit, veg, bread, pipe tobacco and a warm, friendly smile.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11That's ma shop! That's ma shop!
0:22:11 > 0:22:16But don't expect to see him in the shop for the next few days, because he's in here, wi' pisser problems.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Eh, everythin' all right there?
0:22:29 > 0:22:33Aye, they're shifting me. Want tae keep an eye on me.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35What aboot ma song?
0:22:35 > 0:22:36- Your song?- Aye.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Nelson Eddie.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Rose-Marie.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Jesus. Aye. Did they no' play that?
0:22:43 > 0:22:45I'll look into that. Good luck!
0:22:47 > 0:22:51- It's Winston, isn't it?- Aye, hen.
0:22:51 > 0:22:55It would be good if you could play that record for Tommy. Today.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57How?
0:22:57 > 0:23:00We're not sure he's going to make it through the night.
0:23:00 > 0:23:01Oh, right.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07- Sorry, Winston. We huvnae got it. - That's how we've no' played it.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Aw, shite.
0:23:10 > 0:23:16- Can we no just play him something else?- He's asked for it. And, um...
0:23:16 > 0:23:19- Looks like he's gonnae snuff it the night.- Christ.
0:23:19 > 0:23:25- Nelson Eddie? That's the 1930s, in't it?- Aye.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- How does it go again?- Er...
0:23:28 > 0:23:32# Oh, Rose-Marie, I love you
0:23:32 > 0:23:35# I'm always dree-aming... #
0:23:35 > 0:23:41# Aw, Rose-Marie-e-e-e I love you-u-u-u... #
0:23:41 > 0:23:43I'll be back in half an hour.
0:23:51 > 0:23:55Right, here we go... D-Day.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Or P-Day.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Right, come on now. Don't let me down, my little lavda....
0:24:03 > 0:24:06- TINKLING NOISE - Aw, ya beauty!
0:24:08 > 0:24:09And cease pishing...
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Commence pishing.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Oh, yes!
0:24:16 > 0:24:19I pish at will. Like a man should!
0:24:19 > 0:24:22For I am the Prince of Pish!
0:24:23 > 0:24:27When the Prince is finished pishing, can the Duke take a dump?
0:24:27 > 0:24:28Aye. Sorry.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Not so fast.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38We're doing something for you - but what are you doing for us?
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Good-looking fella like you.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42CEILIDH MUSIC STARTS
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Must be grim that, eh?
0:25:01 > 0:25:03What's that?
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Being told you're no' gonnae see the morning.
0:25:07 > 0:25:08Aye.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29That's me noo. It's happening.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31I'll get the nurse.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34No. Stay.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Stay here.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38It's been a long road we've walked together.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42I'm just sorry...you'll have to walk the last bit yourself.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55I've got it.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03- What's his name, Winston?- Tommy.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09This one goes out to Tommy.
0:26:09 > 0:26:17# Oh, Rose-Marie, I love you
0:26:17 > 0:26:24# I'm always dreaming of you
0:26:24 > 0:26:30# No matter what I do I can't forget you... MACHINE BEEPS CONTINUOUSLY
0:26:30 > 0:26:39# Sometimes I wish that I had ne-e-e-e-e-ver met you-u-u-u
0:26:39 > 0:26:46# And yet if I could hold you
0:26:46 > 0:26:50# Would make my very life....
0:26:50 > 0:26:51Rose-Marie!?
0:26:51 > 0:26:53Rose-Marie!? Ya bastards!
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Rose-Marie was his bit on side!
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Fancy piece! I'm Agnes!
0:27:35 > 0:27:38- Can ye see him? - Oh, Jesus, that's him.
0:27:38 > 0:27:39Sit doon!