0:00:32 > 0:00:33HE PLAYS THE MOUTH ORGAN
0:00:33 > 0:00:34Oh-h!
0:00:34 > 0:00:37Thank you very much, Victor(!) That's three months up the spout!
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Oh. Sorry, Jack. Here.
0:00:39 > 0:00:40What're you doing with a bloody moothie anyway?!
0:00:40 > 0:00:43I'm bored out my gord!
0:00:43 > 0:00:44Aye, well...
0:00:47 > 0:00:49You're no the only one.
0:00:49 > 0:00:53- Well, I dug this oot. I'm gonnae learn it.- Aye, well, good.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Gie us a tune, then.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58- What's your pleasure?- Er...
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Yellow Rose Of Texas or something.
0:01:00 > 0:01:01Good choice.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06TUNE IS NOT RECOGNISABLE
0:01:07 > 0:01:11Oh, well, Larry Adler'll be shitin' hissel' now, won't he?
0:01:11 > 0:01:13- Needs a bit of work. Do you no think?- Aye.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19- This is murder, innit?- It is, aye.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29That is the source of oor misery right there.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Look at it - pitch black.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Five to three in the afternoon.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Do you know what we are?
0:01:36 > 0:01:38A couple of bears in a Russian zoo.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40- Caged. Demented.- You're right, Jack.
0:01:40 > 0:01:45I mean... It's OK in the summer, we can sit in the park till, I don't know, ten o'clock. But this...
0:01:45 > 0:01:46I know.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48What are we supposed to dae?
0:01:48 > 0:01:51See, yer young people, they're busy working.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55They don't notice this time. But see between about three o'clock and the time ye get to yer bed,
0:01:55 > 0:02:00- for a pensioner, it's like a bloody week.- Right, that's it.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Oh, easy cowboy. It's a bit early for that, is it no?
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Is it? Is it?
0:02:06 > 0:02:08- Is it, though? - Talk it up, Jack. Convince me.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12Yer Swedes, yer Norwegians, yer Icelandics...
0:02:12 > 0:02:15they all live in places of the long winter's night. What do they dae?
0:02:15 > 0:02:18How do they combat the boredom? I'll tell ye what they dae.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22They seek the company of Mr John Barleycorn. They get pished!
0:02:22 > 0:02:25That's how you never here fae these countries in the winter.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27That's how a situation never arises.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30They're wasted!
0:02:30 > 0:02:36Are you sure, Jack? Are they no fishing and skiing and driving sleds wi' huskies?
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Yes, they are. Pished.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42Mush-mush, old friend, get the lid aff it!
0:02:44 > 0:02:45Aye, it's good news right enough.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49Aye. I'm actually quite excited at the prospect.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50What's that?
0:02:50 > 0:02:53They're opening the bookie's again - next to Navid's.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55- And what? - I think that's great news.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Do you no think that's fantastic?
0:02:57 > 0:03:01- It'll save us dragging ourselves down the high street if we want to put a bet on.- Aye. It's tremendous.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Bang, right on your doorstep.
0:03:03 > 0:03:07Look at the pair of youse. Foamin' at the mooth at the prospect of a shitey bookie's opening, eh?
0:03:07 > 0:03:13Oh, I cannae wait to be a pensioner when's life is as exciting as yours is(!)
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- Oh, lads, can- I- tell him? Pretty please?
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Wait to you hear this, Winston.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22You'll pish yer frillies!
0:03:23 > 0:03:25The bookie's is opening again!
0:03:25 > 0:03:27I heard. Big deal.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Thank you. ..Big deal.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Well, it is an occasion.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34I mean, they're bringing down Captain Dandy and a jockey.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36The papers are gonnae be there.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39I'm gonnae get ma photo taken with a horse.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42Have you got a camera you could lend me, Boabby?
0:03:42 > 0:03:45- Lads.- You got my pie?- Aye.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48What are you daein' bringin' pies in when I've got perfectly good pies here?!
0:03:48 > 0:03:52- These are Gregg's, Boabby.- A pie's a pie, for Christ's sake, is it no?
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Uh-oh! There's three in here. I only asked for two!
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Can I get it?
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Too slow, Boabby!
0:03:59 > 0:04:01I see the bookie's is opening up again.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Yes. We know.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- Great, in't it?- Aye, it's great, aye. If you're a mug.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08What ye talkin' about, Winston? You love the bookie's.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11No, loved. Past tense.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14You'll no catch me setting foot in there again.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18We all love a bet, Winston, but you... You were never happier than when you had a line on.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20You were like a wean on Christmas Eve!
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Aye, well, not any more.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Look all the wee horses, Winston.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Which one's gonnae win? I don't know!
0:04:30 > 0:04:32"Pick me, Winston."
0:04:32 > 0:04:35- Touch it.- I don't want to touch it.
0:04:35 > 0:04:36Come on, Winston, look at it!
0:04:36 > 0:04:38It's a page full of promise!
0:04:38 > 0:04:41That has to get yer plums pumpin'!
0:04:41 > 0:04:42Tam, Tam, Tam...
0:04:42 > 0:04:46I see what you're trying to do, but you're wasting yer breath.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48I'm done with the bookies.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Stevie was a long time ago, Winston.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Let me tell you something.
0:04:55 > 0:05:01All my adult life - right? - every single week, I would dae my wee accumulator. Never won a button.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Then - bingo - up it comes.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Result after result.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10£32,550! Hooray!
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Do I get paid?
0:05:12 > 0:05:13Do I shite!
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Stevie the bookie does a runner.
0:05:17 > 0:05:23Me? I'm left screaming, running about from town to town, gibbering like an idiot!
0:05:23 > 0:05:26"Has anybody seen Stevie with my money?!" Searching for him!
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Aye. You even made up wee wanted posters, d'ye remember?
0:05:29 > 0:05:32- I kept one!- Put it away, Boabby.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34I don't want to see his face.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36I'm about to eat.
0:05:36 > 0:05:37Anyway...
0:05:37 > 0:05:40I'm past all that now.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43That's all behind me. I'm in a better place now.
0:05:44 > 0:05:45Here it is.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47Aw, f...
0:05:49 > 0:05:53He who moves with lethargy eateth not a pie for tea!
0:05:55 > 0:05:58- Ah, Navid. - Gentlemen, what can I get you?
0:05:58 > 0:06:02Well, here's the thing. What can you offer us in the line of a decent whisky?
0:06:02 > 0:06:05- Absolutely bugger all.- Eh? - Sorry, lads.
0:06:05 > 0:06:11You are looking at the purveyor of such fine beverages as Sputnik vodka, Mississippi Steamboat
0:06:11 > 0:06:12and Blue Hyena for the kids.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Craiglang is not for the connoisseur.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18- So what have you got? - We have a Kildrum, two-year-old.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Largely cos it's been lying there for two years.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24- Nah. You're all right. - You're Grant's men. Why the sudden snootiness?
0:06:24 > 0:06:28Ach, it's him, Navid, you know. We finished off this lovely bottle of malt that Jack had.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Once ye've had malt, ye've touched the stars.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Aye, you don't want to go back to mundane, you know.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35- The run of the mill...- The shite.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Aye.
0:06:37 > 0:06:43- You need a bus. - Tae where?- West End. Oddbins do whisky tasting every Thursday.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45It's for all the arseholes with too much money.
0:06:45 > 0:06:49They break open six or seven bottles every week. Good gear.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51I used to go to that. Lovely.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54- Barred me but.- What happened?
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Well, they only gie you two halves, right?
0:06:57 > 0:07:00So I swipes the bottle, necks it and split the guy's heid wi' the empty.
0:07:00 > 0:07:06- Oh, convivial.- Hey, Navid, how come you don't have tastings in here? I'd certainly come.- Good idea, Pete.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10We'll do one tomorrow. What time's good for you?
0:07:10 > 0:07:15What about 5am, just before I take the rolls in, ya jakey bastard?!
0:07:20 > 0:07:22- Free whisky!- Aye.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25- That's two words that go together well, eh?- Well, that's that, then.
0:07:25 > 0:07:29We'll get the 36 into the toon and the 89 oot tae the West End.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30Jesus, is that a horse?
0:07:33 > 0:07:34That's no just any horse, boy.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37That's Captain Dandy!
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Right, Freddie, just another couple with you with Captain Dandy?
0:07:43 > 0:07:45That's it. That's lovely.
0:07:45 > 0:07:46Winston!
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Hey, Winston. Captain Dandy, eh?
0:07:52 > 0:07:56- He's beautiful, in't he?- Aye.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00- Aye, he is, aye.- Get the bookie in. Where's the bookie?- Right. I'm off.
0:08:04 > 0:08:05Stevie?
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Stevie! You bastard!
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Wait a minute. I'm no Stevie!
0:08:10 > 0:08:12WINSTON ROARS
0:08:12 > 0:08:13Oh, Jesus!
0:08:14 > 0:08:15HORSE SCREAMS
0:08:22 > 0:08:25I'm telling you, that man's name is Stevie Reid!
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Please be quiet a minute.
0:08:28 > 0:08:32- Francis Reid.- Francis Reid, ma arse! It's Stevie Reid, I'm telling ye.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Look, officer. I can explain this.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36He thinks I'm my younger brother.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39- He used to be the bookie here, but he done a runner.- Aye, wi' ma money!
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Look, mate, I'm sorry!
0:08:41 > 0:08:44If it's any consolation, he owes me a fortune an' all!
0:08:44 > 0:08:45- No way. No way!- Look.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47This is an end to the matter.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51The gentlemen's provided documentary evidence stating he is who he says he is,
0:08:51 > 0:08:55not this Stevie character you're on about. Now count yourself lucky I'm no arresting you.
0:08:55 > 0:08:56Everything all right?
0:08:56 > 0:08:59He's still a bit dizzy, but he'll be fine.
0:08:59 > 0:09:00Right. On yer way.
0:09:00 > 0:09:04I don't like this. This stinks. That is that bastard.
0:09:04 > 0:09:05- I'm sure of it.- That fella's baldy.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07It could be Stevie's brother.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10I think ye got aff light. Imagine the headline!
0:09:10 > 0:09:12"Craiglang man beats Derby winner by a head."
0:09:12 > 0:09:14THEY LAUGH
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Er, ahem...could we, eh...?
0:09:23 > 0:09:25There we go, gentlemen.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29The Balvenie 15. It's a limited edition.
0:09:29 > 0:09:30Absolutely gorgeous.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34Not too much peat, orange peel and burnt almonds.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36- Aye, I'd heard that. - I've heard that an aw.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39The orange peel, aye. Smashin'.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Not for me, that one. Too earthy.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46I don't like a cask strength.
0:09:46 > 0:09:52A couple of those and you're, well... Let me put it this way. You're, um... Not to put too fine a point on it...
0:09:52 > 0:09:56Shut up! Wind yer neck in and try enjoy yersel', son.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Please excuse my friend, for he is an ignorant bastard.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Don't be shy, gentlemen.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Try the Maclivie.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Now, that distillery is silent now.
0:10:05 > 0:10:0725 years old. A wee sip of history.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11Aye, it'll be history when it's flyin' oot ma pisser in aboot an hour!
0:10:13 > 0:10:16Oh, the old Pulteney. I like this one.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18It's got a lovely nose.
0:10:18 > 0:10:23I like this one. It's got a lovely shiny label.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- There we go, gentlemen.- What's this? - You could win a case of whisky.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- Scratch cards?- Let's see what we're onto to here now.
0:10:31 > 0:10:32Hee-haw.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Visit. Visit. Visit.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38What's that?
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Hmm?
0:10:40 > 0:10:42What's that, son?
0:10:42 > 0:10:46Well done. You've won a visit to a local distillery.
0:10:46 > 0:10:47- No!- Hey!
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Have another dram and I'll fetch you up the details.
0:10:50 > 0:10:55- Could we manage another wee dram? - What time is it?
0:10:55 > 0:10:58- Half past one.- And what time is the last bus home to Craiglang?
0:11:02 > 0:11:03What ye daein', Winston?
0:11:03 > 0:11:06- Nuthin'.- Have you got a bet on?
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Oh, yes, Eric. Yes, indeedy.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Aztec Flame - 8-1.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Jesus! 20 quid?
0:11:13 > 0:11:16I thought you were done with the betting?
0:11:16 > 0:11:19This isnae betting, Eric. This is an experiment.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23- What do you mean? - Always smiling away.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Never happier, this "Frankie"!
0:11:25 > 0:11:27You're no still maintaining that's Stevie?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Smiling away.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Loves his work.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Ye see, Stevie hated his life.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Hated his punters.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37And he hated me most of all.
0:11:38 > 0:11:45You cannae disguise that, Eric. See, that there happy-go-lucky attitude - that's all a performance.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47He cannae keep that up.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51- Least of all... - 'That's a turn up for the books as Aztec Flame is the winner.'
0:11:51 > 0:11:52..when I've got a winner.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54- WINSTON CHANTS: - Ste-vie!
0:11:56 > 0:11:57Ste-vie!
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Ste-vie!
0:12:01 > 0:12:05- My name's Frankie. - Frankie? Is it? OK, Frankie.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07I'll play along with that, Frankie.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10Frankie, you owe me 180 quid. What do you make of that?
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Oh, did you have Aztec Flame? Good for you!
0:12:13 > 0:12:14Winston, in't it?
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Another winner down at Frankie's!
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Ye see, gentlemen? That's how you do it!
0:12:20 > 0:12:21Well done, sir.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Shut up, you. He husnae gie'd me the money yet.
0:12:29 > 0:12:30- Oh, you bastard!- What?
0:12:30 > 0:12:33You nearly showed yer true colours there.
0:12:33 > 0:12:39You used to hate paying me oot! You used shove they winnings at me like it was a wean's shit-filled nappy!
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Gutted at payin' out. You just managed to catch yerself there!
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Listen, friend, you're confused.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45I understand.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Enjoy your winnings.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Go and spend it on something nice.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Don't fritter it away in here.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Know this, ya ugly bastard.
0:12:55 > 0:13:01I'm watching you. You will fall. And when you do, it's gonnae cost you thirty two and a half grand!
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Have a nice day.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Pound each way Spanish Maria, Frankie.
0:13:09 > 0:13:10Frankie?
0:13:10 > 0:13:11- HE CHANTS: - Fran-kie.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14- FRANKIE!- What?!
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Spanish Maria - pound each way.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Nae bother.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Welcome to our distillery here in Dumgoyne.
0:13:28 > 0:13:33Now, your whole day begins here. My name is Andrew and I will be your tour guide today.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36We will begin in the main bonding hall shortly.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38I'm so excited, Jack. Do you know what this is like?
0:13:38 > 0:13:40It's like Charlie Wonka.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Oh, aye, aye. Charlie Wonka and the booze factory!
0:13:42 > 0:13:45- How many drinks do you think you get?- It's hard to say, in't it?
0:13:45 > 0:13:49I mean, at a small distillery, you'd get mebbe one at the end.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53But this is a big place, you know. It's a lot of people. It's a day out.
0:13:53 > 0:13:58- So have you got a figure in mind? - I'm surmising six, mebbe eight halves.- Six, mebbe eight?!
0:13:58 > 0:14:00- That's respectable!- That's a glow!
0:14:00 > 0:14:02- Aye, it's a snifter!- A snootful!
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Listen, gents, it's not really about the free whisky.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08It's more about absorbing the culture.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11Well, me and my friend here are gonnae get absorbed oot wur tits.
0:14:11 > 0:14:16It is here you'll discover a bit about the history of the distillery and a bit about the people involved
0:14:16 > 0:14:22in the centuries-old production of what we consider to be the finest malts in the world.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24JACK AND VICTOR CHEER
0:14:25 > 0:14:29I see some of you have cameras. That's fine, feel free to snap away.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33If I could just ask you, though, to refrain from picture taking in the actual blending room.
0:14:33 > 0:14:38- Peter, our master blender, likes to protect the family secrets. - Excuse me, son.- Yes?
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Well, it's no family secret that me and colleague here enjoy a dram.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43When are we getting one?
0:14:43 > 0:14:47I think you might all agree it's just a tad early for that. Don't worry.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51- You'll get a chance a little later on.- Oh, a little later on.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53- Nightmare, in't it? - ANDREW CONTINUES HIS TALK
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Well, well, well.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Now...
0:15:37 > 0:15:41why would a baldy bastard be shaving his baldy bit?
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Why would he do that?
0:15:43 > 0:15:46Is it because he isnae a baldy bastard?
0:15:46 > 0:15:50Oh, he IS a bastard, but he isnae baldy!
0:15:50 > 0:15:51Stevie...
0:15:51 > 0:15:53you're busted!
0:15:53 > 0:15:55You hid in ma lavvy all night?
0:15:56 > 0:15:59That's right. I telt ye I was watching ye.
0:15:59 > 0:16:05You see, I knew if I could catch you unawares, that ye'd let yer guard slip. And I was right.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07Yes, indeedy, Stevie boy.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10- You're humped! - What are you gonnae dae?
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Go to the police?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14They think you're a crackpot.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17And better yet, they think I'm Frankie.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20I've documents to prove it. Who's gonnae believe ye?
0:16:20 > 0:16:27I've got to say, an old man prepared to sit on a shitey lavvy all night - that's impressive.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29But it's just you and me, pal.
0:16:29 > 0:16:34Frankie and the old loony.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37A smart man would have brought a witness.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42Morning, Stevie.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44That's you ran oot o' bog roll.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Thanks for the dough, Stevie boy.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Oh, look at that.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58That's really stickin' in your craw, in't it?
0:16:58 > 0:17:02- I'll see you this afternoon, then. - Oh, you'll no see me in there.
0:17:02 > 0:17:03Course I will.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05You cannae keep away, Winston.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08You're a mug punter. You built my bookie's.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11Bricks and mortar. You'll be back.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13You're just keeping that money warm for me.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Get it up ye!
0:17:17 > 0:17:20- What's the matter wi' you? - I fell asleep against the cistern.
0:17:27 > 0:17:32These are some very special bottles that have sat here for some time.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Can anyone tell me why this whisky is so pale?
0:17:35 > 0:17:38It's been filtered though heather.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41This was barrelled in what we call a blonde barrel, pale wood.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Is that... Is that Clark Gable there?
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Well spotted.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Clark Gable used to buy whisky from us.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Crates of it for big Hollywood parties.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54As a token of our appreciation, we made up a special personalised line.
0:17:54 > 0:18:00We said to Mr Gable, "Any time you want some of your own whisky, just pick up the phone." And he did.
0:18:00 > 0:18:05Time and time again, until he sadly passed on. That's the last bottle.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Clark Gable was a wanker.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Aye, he was a wanker. His oily hair and his piss-thin moustache.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14She loved him! I thought he was red rotten.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18- Aye, big sticky oot ears. - Like a taxi wi' its bloody doors open. He was a prick.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Here, here.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22What's this?
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Full barrel.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Empty hip flask.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Tobacco knife.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Right. Get ready.
0:18:31 > 0:18:32LIQUID GURGLES
0:18:32 > 0:18:33There you go.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- Oh!- What have ye done, ye fool?! - Put the cork on!
0:18:42 > 0:18:45- You're standing on it!- Get it in!
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Right, that's it! That's it!
0:18:56 > 0:18:58- Are you OK there?- Aye, nae danger.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Come and get a drop.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06I hope you enjoyed the tour, ladies and gentlemen.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10Feel free to purchase a gift from our whisky shop. Thank you very much for coming.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Just through there, please.
0:19:12 > 0:19:17- Is that it? I was just getting a bloody taste for that there. - Aye, it's a con, in't it?
0:19:17 > 0:19:22Show you a couple of stills, gie ye a couple of halves, then boof! Bounce you intae the shop and fleece ye!
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Aye, dirty, fly bastards.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Oh, no, no. Have a look at this.
0:19:27 > 0:19:28What is it?
0:19:29 > 0:19:32That is another tour kicking off.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Oh, different tour guide.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37- Do you want to latch on to it? - Come on, quick, quick.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47'Best safe in the world, boy.
0:19:53 > 0:19:54'Ha-ha-ha!
0:19:54 > 0:19:56'You've cracked it!
0:19:59 > 0:20:00'Ah-h!
0:20:03 > 0:20:05'Thirty-two and a half grand!
0:20:05 > 0:20:09'Play your cards right and life's gonnae get a whole lot easier.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11'You'll be getting thrown oot for a start.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14'Aye, you've served me well, but it's time to go.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18'It's leather that'll be caressing my butt cheeks from now on.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20'Shitey carpet tae.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22'Goodbye, old friend.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23'A wee holiday maybe.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25'Or you could go to the bookie's!
0:20:30 > 0:20:33'Pop into a wee showroom.
0:20:33 > 0:20:34'Aye, buy a wee car.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38'Ye can dae that after ye've been to the bookie's!
0:20:40 > 0:20:41'Options...
0:20:41 > 0:20:43'Bookie's!'
0:20:43 > 0:20:44For God's sake!
0:20:44 > 0:20:48'Come on, man. Take mair money aff that bastard!
0:20:48 > 0:20:50'Get back in and finish him off!
0:20:50 > 0:20:51'You know yer horses!
0:20:51 > 0:20:55'Stick it tae him! Leave him for deid!'
0:20:58 > 0:21:00So it's Finbar's Fury in the 2.30.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Put your house on it, the granny's savings, the mortgage,
0:21:02 > 0:21:05the kids' college fund, your wife, whatever you like!
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Cannot get beaten! I could ride Finbar's Fury and it would win!
0:21:08 > 0:21:13They're all piling in! I don't know the 2nd or 3rd, but I've got a horse. Finbar's Fury!
0:21:13 > 0:21:15No, no! Don't switch off, Winston!
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Well, done, Winston. We thought we'd lost you there.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26There's plenty of time for leather sofas, luxury holidays and sports cars!
0:21:26 > 0:21:31Imagine thirty two and a half grand. That would be fine, but it could be 50 grand! It could be 100 grand!
0:21:31 > 0:21:37There's Finbar's Fury in the 2.30! Get that wedge off the table and get your backside down to the bookie's!
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Now, Winston! Now!
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Right, John!
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Give me a minute to get ma leg on!
0:21:45 > 0:21:50Now up here are some very special whiskies.
0:21:50 > 0:21:55Now, can anybody tell me why this one is so pale?
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Certainly.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Could it be that it was filtered through the heather?
0:22:00 > 0:22:02A blonde wood barrel, perhaps?
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Oh, excellent.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07- You know your whiskies.- Oh, yes.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- Now this here...- Clark Gable!
0:22:10 > 0:22:15Now, I'll tell you, I was reading a whisky journal and that whisky was specifically
0:22:15 > 0:22:21commissioned by the distillery here and sent to Mr Gable, because he was such a good customer. That...
0:22:21 > 0:22:23- That's the last bottle.- My goodness.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25That's very well-informed of you.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28- Nip, sweetheart?- Oh, lovely.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32- I don't want to finish it all. - Oh, don't worry about that.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35We've got our own private barrel through there.
0:22:36 > 0:22:40- RACE COMMENTARY ON TV - I telt ye ye'd be back.- Shut up!
0:22:40 > 0:22:43No sign of Finbar's Fury!
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Well, I'm flabbergasted! I must admit I fancied Finbar's Fury a bit.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48- But never mind...- John!
0:22:48 > 0:22:53In the three o'clock here at Lingfield, the jockey of the moment is Pat O'Crieff...
0:22:53 > 0:22:56- Never mind that the noo. - The man's on fire!
0:22:56 > 0:22:57John!
0:22:57 > 0:23:00What are ye talking to the telly fur, Winston?
0:23:00 > 0:23:01John!
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Agh! Ignorant bastard.
0:23:14 > 0:23:164,000 - King Vidor.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Welcome back.
0:23:18 > 0:23:19I've missed ye.
0:23:20 > 0:23:24OK, ladies and gentlemen, I hope very much you've enjoyed your tour.
0:23:24 > 0:23:29Please make your way to the gift shop where we have a beautiful selection of keenly priced whiskies.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33- This way, please. - Is that the tour over? Aw.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35That was a bit short and sweet.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37No more free drink either?
0:23:37 > 0:23:39- Not necessarily.- Come on.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48No good.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52No good at all. All good horses, aye, but just no good luck!
0:23:52 > 0:23:54- What are you talking about?!- Soft!
0:23:54 > 0:23:59He said the going was gonna be soft! Aye, but it wisnae! No, it wisnae, it was hard!
0:23:59 > 0:24:02The whip was oot too early. He didnae stand a chance!
0:24:02 > 0:24:07Good horses too, lovely horses, strong horses. Just tired. So, so tired.
0:24:07 > 0:24:08Listen to yourself. You're raving!
0:24:08 > 0:24:11- John! Where's John? I need to speak to John!- John who?
0:24:11 > 0:24:14John McCririck! He talks to me.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16He told me everything would be fine!
0:24:16 > 0:24:20Right, that's enough. I'm gonnae get you outta here. How much money have you got left?
0:24:20 > 0:24:23- Three grand.- Jesus!
0:24:23 > 0:24:25See you. You should get the jail!
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Man makes bets.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29I'm a bookie. I did warn him.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33- One mair bet. Fix it all. Make it all better.- Behave yourself!
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Behave Yourself? When's it running?
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Pull yourself together!
0:24:37 > 0:24:38It's over!
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Three grand's still a lot of money. Right, you, come on!
0:24:41 > 0:24:44Jesus! What have I done?!
0:24:44 > 0:24:45It disnae matter.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Come on, I'll get you a pint!
0:24:48 > 0:24:50A pint, aye.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Three grand Spartan Dream!
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Three grand on Spartan Dream.
0:24:59 > 0:25:03Now up here we have some very important bottles of whisky.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05# Filtered through the heather!
0:25:05 > 0:25:09# She's as pure as the heather in the dell!
0:25:09 > 0:25:12# The bonny, bonny heather... #
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Yes, quite. Thank you.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17And on this one we have Clark Gable.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20- Ooh!- I'm Clark Gable.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22I was in Gone With The Wind.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Stupid prick!
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Andrew.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Oh, it's Andy! It's Andy! It's Andy!
0:25:34 > 0:25:37Come on, Spartan Dream!
0:25:37 > 0:25:39'There's nothing between them as they go to the line.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43- 'Spartan Dream wins it by a nose!' - YE-E-ES!
0:25:45 > 0:25:47It's 10/1!
0:25:47 > 0:25:52That's 30 grand plus your three grand stake. That's 33 grand!
0:25:52 > 0:25:54You're up 500 quid!
0:25:55 > 0:25:58Thank you, Stevie. Thank you for keeping me money warm.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Now get into that safe and get me paid!
0:26:02 > 0:26:07Look at you, Stevie. You're actually thinkin' aboot doing it again, in't ye?! Doing a runner!
0:26:07 > 0:26:09What are you gonna do this time?
0:26:09 > 0:26:12Cut yer baws aff and come back as yer sister?!
0:26:12 > 0:26:13Get me paid!
0:26:16 > 0:26:18Oh, look, here we go.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25- WINSTON LAUGHS - Thank you, Stevie.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28I'll tell you who I fancy in the last race here at Lingfield...
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Shut up, John!
0:26:41 > 0:26:47I cannae believe they let they women on the bus, but they wouldnae let us on the bus, eh?!
0:26:47 > 0:26:51Stuck here, alone in the middle of naewhere, steamin'.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55You know what? Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59- VICTOR LAUGHS - Clark Gable!
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 2006
0:27:19 > 0:27:22E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
0:27:35 > 0:27:37How much money have you got now?
0:27:37 > 0:27:4033 grand.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42I'm actually £500 up! It's all in there.
0:27:42 > 0:27:47- It's all in your leg? That's good, Winston!- Here, are youse no having a drink, no?
0:27:47 > 0:27:49No. Tea's fine.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52I tell ye whit, boys.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55I was down the biggest hole of my life there. An abyss it was.
0:27:55 > 0:28:00Staring the devil right in the face. But I didnae gie up. I knew my luck would turn.
0:28:00 > 0:28:04I'll tell you one thing, though. That's a rollercoaster I'll no be riding again.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06I'd love to have seen that Stevie.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08Chalk white he was. A wreck.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11I'll never forget that face as long as I live.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13Good fur you, Winston.
0:28:13 > 0:28:17- You're no going to do anything silly with that money, are ye? - No, no danger.
0:28:17 > 0:28:19Aw! Aw, but his face, though!
0:28:19 > 0:28:23It's as if I planted one right in his balls!
0:28:23 > 0:28:26Boof! Right in the Niagra Falls!
0:28:26 > 0:28:30- Boof. Right in the Costa del Sols! - Right in the Davina McCalls! Boof.