0:00:35 > 0:00:38- Have you got this steady? - Aye, I've got you.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Okey-dokey, gie me the towel.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44Look at that! Dirty miserable bastards.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47Aye, it's all about saving money, you see?
0:00:47 > 0:00:50Wee, low dingy light's cheap.
0:00:50 > 0:00:54That's no' safe, having pensioners creepin' about in the half light
0:00:54 > 0:00:56trying to get in and out their hooses.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Let's have a look and see what we've got here.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06Oh, aye. There, you see?
0:01:06 > 0:01:0825 watts.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Ooh, ya bastard! It's red hot that.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16- Where are you?- Here. - Where's the bulb?
0:01:16 > 0:01:17I'm offering it tae you.
0:01:17 > 0:01:22- Where's yer haun'?- That's ma face! - Sorry! Right. Take the auld bulb.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24- To me. - BULB SMASHING
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Oh, shit!
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Was that the good bulb or the shitey bulb?
0:01:28 > 0:01:31- Shitey bulb. Here's the good bulb. - Right, aye. Got it.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Right.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38- That's better, in't it?- Aye, aye.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40It's no' too bright, is it?
0:01:40 > 0:01:42No, no. Not at all.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45- It's safe, is what it is. - Aye, it's safe, aye.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Jesus! You've got it bright enough in here, boys!
0:01:55 > 0:01:59- What time do you call this? - I cannae see ma watch for the glare!
0:01:59 > 0:02:03It's 12 o'clock, ya cheeky bastard. Where's our post?
0:02:03 > 0:02:05I was in at half eight with the post.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Youse two didnae have any. I'm done for the day.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09I came up tae see Isa.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14For God's sake!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16I cannae... What's going on? Have I died?
0:02:16 > 0:02:19Right, Isa doll. Is that us agreed then?
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Aye. See you, darlin'.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24Where did you get the bulb, boys? Wembley?
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Shut up ya tit. Navid's.
0:02:29 > 0:02:33- That one dae you? - Aye, that's the fella.
0:02:33 > 0:02:39- What's Chris daein' for you anyway? - Oh, he's just gonnae decorate my living room.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Eh? Isa, he's a postie...
0:02:41 > 0:02:44and a shitey one at that!
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Naw, he said he was a decorator before he became a postie.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Ri-i-ight. What's he wanting off you for that?
0:02:50 > 0:02:55He's gonnae paper the living room and paint it for 160.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59Eh? Aye, and that includes the paper and paint?
0:02:59 > 0:03:01No, I've tae get the paper and paint.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Ach away, for Christ's sake!
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Tell him to sling his bloody hook!
0:03:06 > 0:03:10You do not want that shiftless bastard floatin' aboot your hoose, in your fridge...
0:03:10 > 0:03:13In your cupboards...your wardrobe,
0:03:13 > 0:03:16- your knicker drawer, going through your smalls...- That's plenty, Jack.
0:03:20 > 0:03:21- We'll dae it fur you.- Oh!
0:03:21 > 0:03:22How much?
0:03:22 > 0:03:24We'll no' charge you anything.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28Make sure there's plenty for eatin' an' we'll blast through it.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31- Are you sure?- Aye, for God's sake.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33What are neighbours for?
0:03:33 > 0:03:37You've got two handymen on your doorstep. It'd be a pleasure, darlin'.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39I suppose.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41I'd be letting Chris doon, but.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Chris is a wanker.
0:03:44 > 0:03:49- I like Chris.- Well, that's what to say to him, "Chris, I like you. I've always liked you.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52"You're likeable. But Jack and Victor, they think you're a wanker,
0:03:52 > 0:03:56- "so you'll no' be doin' any painting!"- Hmm.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59I'll maybe think of something masel'.
0:03:59 > 0:04:05Right, you come out...and you go in.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Ah! That's more like it, eh?
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Much better.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16Boaby, can we put a film on?
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Aye, on you go. They're on the top shelf through the back.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21What are you for, Isa?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23I'm getting these.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Not at all now.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Two lager and a sherry, Boaby, and don't take their money.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30- Godfather I or II? - What's going on?
0:04:30 > 0:04:33- We're putting a film on. - Magic! That'll make a change.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36No' The Godfather, but. "I knew it was you, Fredo"
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Bang! Boom! Deid! Shite!
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Isa buying yer drinks noo? That's a new low, even for you two.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Shut yer hole, Boaby. We're daein' a favour.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49- Jaws!- Naw. Big, stupid, rubber shark. Garbage!
0:04:49 > 0:04:52- What you daein'? - Painting and decorating.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55- You two haufwits? - Less of yer shite, noo, Bobby.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03If you want tae see dafties escaping oot a loony bin, come back at shuttin' time!
0:05:03 > 0:05:06Gie's two cans of Fusilier, Boaby, will you?
0:05:06 > 0:05:09- Right-o, Shug.- I'm off.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12- That you away on the night shift? - Aye. Pain in the arse.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15How's that a pain in the arse?
0:05:15 > 0:05:19- Big department store all to yersel'? - Ach, yer just watching the telly.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23- Tryin' tae stay awake. - I'd love tae be in there at night.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Are you allowed visitors?
0:05:25 > 0:05:28- No' really.- I'll get a couple of cans and keep you company.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Och, naw.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32You'd be bored oot yer tits.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35No, gie yerself peace. It'll be a good laugh.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52- Huv you got one, Tam? - Aye. It's a good one.
0:05:52 > 0:05:53It's a cracker.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Police Academy 8 - Mission to Moscow!
0:05:59 > 0:06:01ALL: Wa-hey!
0:06:02 > 0:06:03I like all that...
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Hello. Here you go.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12- Hello. Here you go. - I'm no needin' a Big Issue, son.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15It's a map of the store.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Map of the bloody store? Get a grip.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20It's a shop, no' a mountain range.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23- Where are we?- I don't know.
0:06:23 > 0:06:28- What are we needin'? - Ten litres of Vinyl Silk Emulsion.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30- Dusky blue.- Try doon here.
0:06:34 > 0:06:39Drammall four. It's everything required in the one tool.
0:06:39 > 0:06:44It saws, it drills, it routs, it jigs, it hammers...
0:06:44 > 0:06:47- Does it collect yer pension an' all, does it?- Jack!
0:06:47 > 0:06:52Imagine a fiddly job. Something like a letterbox in the door.
0:06:52 > 0:06:57Normally that would require a drill, a coping saw, a hacksaw, a file...
0:06:57 > 0:06:59but, with a Drammall,
0:06:59 > 0:07:02you're in and away and finished in a matter of seconds.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Don't just take my word for it. You, sir.
0:07:05 > 0:07:09There you go. Are you right or left handed?
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Oh, you're askin' a mouthful there, son.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15Now, ordinarily, if I'm hammerin' or sawin', I use the right hand,
0:07:15 > 0:07:20but I've seen me wi' pliers in ma left hand then switchin' to ma right when this hand gets sore.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23But gimme a pen and away I go, nice as you like, wi' the right hand.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27Jack here'll tell you - if I'm doin' a crossword, it's my left.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30It's all capitals. Go figure.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34Right. Good. Thank you.
0:07:34 > 0:07:35Here. Switch it to drill.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Drill.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Oh... Nice action.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46That's yer pilot hole.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Good! Switch to saw.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52- Saw...- And off you go.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Here, Jack boy! This is the bollocks...
0:07:59 > 0:08:00Ah! Ya bastard, you!
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Right. Let's see what you're all about.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26FEMALE VOICE: 'I'm hot.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- 'Is it OK tae take ma T-shirt off? - Aye. Wow, Tiffany!
0:08:29 > 0:08:31'You've got great tits.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34'I know. They're crackin' in't they?
0:08:34 > 0:08:37'If I wasnae straight, I'd be right intae them.'
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Oh, my God. Home-made porn!
0:08:40 > 0:08:43- KNOCK ON DOOR ON TV 'Who's that?- I'll get it.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46- BOBBY:- 'Hello. Just to let you know yer lawn mower's not working.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48'Who are you, big boy?
0:08:48 > 0:08:51'I'm Troy, the gardener.'
0:08:52 > 0:08:56You're no Troy the gardener. You're Boaby the barman.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00FEMALE VOICE: That's me back!
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Have we tae wait here for ever?
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Do you think that boy's gonnae be OK? Oh, aye.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19He'll be fine, it's only a bloody thumb.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23Pack it in ice and then they stick it on later.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25- He'll be back at his work on Monday. - Do you think?
0:09:25 > 0:09:31- Where is this boy?- Excuse me, son. We've been waitin' a wee while.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33We're wanting paint.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35You need the paint guy tae get you paint.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37I'm carpet. I can only get you carpet.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Fine. Where is the paint guy?
0:09:40 > 0:09:42He might be on his tea or something.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46The other paint guy - he'll be floatin' aboot somewhere.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51- Excuse me, son! - I'm laminated floorin'.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00There are two customers hanging aboot like a couple of spare pricks waiting for the paint guy.
0:10:00 > 0:10:07The carpet arsehole is unable to assist because the shiftless bastard knows hee-haw aboot paint.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- AMPLIFIED:- You cannae say all that shite intae a microphone!
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Take a walk and get that fat bastard with the tool belt.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17- See if that dick'll help us! - All right.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Shovin'.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28- You all right, son?- Aye.
0:10:30 > 0:10:31Hello!
0:10:31 > 0:10:34- Anybody there? <- Just... Just a second.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38- I'm in a hurry here. <- Just a second.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Can I leave you the money?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Listen, hen. Meena's no' here. I'm run off my feet.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47I'm trying to attend to an urgent matter. Gimme a goddamn minute!
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Right.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54- What have I missed? Did you pause it?- Aye, I paused it.- OK, play.
0:10:56 > 0:11:01He-he-he-he! Look at his arse.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03It's going up and down like a jackhammer!
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Troy the gardener. Ya dirty bastard!
0:11:06 > 0:11:09- Go on Bobby, son! - She's a bit of alright, in't she?
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Aye, she was. She comes in the shop.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14She's a big fat cow now. This must be ages ago.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17CUSTOMER: Fine! I'm off to Kohli's!
0:11:17 > 0:11:22- That's what to do, love! Knock yourself oot!- That's you losing a customer.- It's only money...
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Jesus, Shug. This is too good.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Here's what I'm gonnae dae.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05I'm gonnae try on all they fancy aftershaves,
0:12:05 > 0:12:08maybe even have a shave with an electric razor.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12A jaunt over to the suits to try on the expensive clothes,
0:12:12 > 0:12:17a good hauf hour fannying aboot in the toy department, and a rummage aboot with the hi-fi's,
0:12:17 > 0:12:21culminating in a kip on the king of beds - the Sealy Posturepedic.
0:12:21 > 0:12:22Is that so?
0:12:31 > 0:12:33- What's this?- This is it.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37This is ma work.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41Aw, yer jokin'! You've got a world of entertainment oot there.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45Aye, a world of security cameras and recording equipment.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48I warned you it might be boring.
0:12:48 > 0:12:49Oot there's a no-go!
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Bloody company man.
0:12:52 > 0:12:53Look. If you want tae go...
0:12:53 > 0:12:58No. I said I'd keep you company and I am nothing if not a man who keeps his word.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01PHONE RINGS
0:13:01 > 0:13:02Delaney's, security?
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Whit? Oh, right. It's for you.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Hello.
0:13:13 > 0:13:14Uh-huh.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Mmm. Mmm, I see.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Understood.
0:13:23 > 0:13:24Shug, yer on yer own.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Tam's got a porn tape wi' Boaby the Barman in it.
0:13:37 > 0:13:42- Are you gonnae buy a pint?- Just staunin' here, if that's all right.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45- What are you waiting for? - Nothin'.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48So you've come into the pub and you don't want a drink?
0:13:48 > 0:13:50- That's right. - Two pints of lager, Boaby.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52See Eric? He knows how it works.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58You're here. Have you got it?
0:13:58 > 0:14:03- Is it right enough? - It's right enough. It's a belter! Here, get that in yer pocket.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07- Right, I'll get a pint and get up the road.- Pint nothin'!
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Get up the road and get into your machine. Get it watched and get it
0:14:10 > 0:14:12back to me first thing tomorrow
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- cos Jack and Victor still huvnae seen it!- Got you.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20There we go. Two pints.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23- Usual, Winston? - "Usual, Winston", you maddy!
0:14:28 > 0:14:31- How's you doing? - Shagged oot, Boaby. Shagged oot.
0:14:31 > 0:14:36It's no' that, I've got ma garden tae do the morrow as well.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39- That's a chore.- Aye. You see,
0:14:39 > 0:14:42what I need is a gardener.
0:14:43 > 0:14:47That's the problem. Where do you find a gardener in Craiglang?
0:14:47 > 0:14:49There used to be one.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Eh, Roy, I think his name was.
0:14:51 > 0:14:56Roy the Gardener? If it wasnae Roy it was something very like Roy...
0:14:56 > 0:15:00- Gie's a pie, Boaby.- Aye. Gie's a minute and I'll stick one in...
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Ah-hah! Ya dirty clatty bastard!
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Two for Jack, two for Victor.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22- Three each. - DRILL WHIRRS
0:15:22 > 0:15:24What the blazes?
0:15:26 > 0:15:30- Have you got it?- I've got it, aye. - Well, move o'er a bit. Jesus!
0:15:30 > 0:15:32It's all right.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36- What are you daein'?- Well, you've no' got a pasting table,
0:15:36 > 0:15:38so we're just gonnae use your front door.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42Oh, now. Naw, this isnae what I had in mind at all.
0:15:42 > 0:15:48You cannae dae that! The big jaggy letter box'll tear all ma paper!
0:15:48 > 0:15:51Oh, aye. Ach well, we'll screw that aff an' all.
0:15:51 > 0:15:55- Oh, I don't know.- Calm doon, hen. It'll be fine.- Can I do anything?
0:15:55 > 0:16:00Yes, you can get tae yer work. Chase yersel'. You're only gettin' under our feet, darlin'.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Oh, here...
0:16:07 > 0:16:10Here, I've got ma mobile. I can leave you the number.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12We'll no' need you.
0:16:12 > 0:16:13Go on. Get!
0:16:16 > 0:16:17Oy, oy!
0:16:17 > 0:16:20That's you. There you are.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24- I've got pies there.- Isa!
0:16:28 > 0:16:32- Right, is that you?- Aye.- Okey-dokey. There we are. That's us. On you come.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Let's plant it there.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39SCRAPING
0:16:47 > 0:16:48Erm...
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Get they pies in, Vic boy.
0:17:06 > 0:17:07Nae danger.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26- KNOCK AT DOOR WINSTON:- Jack! Victor! Are you in?
0:17:26 > 0:17:29Winston! We're in here.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Jack. Sit doon. Victor, you sit there.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37- What's going on?- Eric.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41You're no' gonnae believe this.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45Silence, Tam. There are no words needed to describe this.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48This truly speaks for itself.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52- FEMALE VOICES: 'You've got great tits.- I know, they're crackin', aren't they?'
0:17:53 > 0:17:55- It's a porno movie. - Wait. Wait. Keep watching.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58GIRLS GIGGLE
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Ach, turn that aff, Winston.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Easy.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Steady... It's comin'!
0:18:05 > 0:18:08BOBBY'S VOICE: 'Hello. Just tae let you know...'
0:18:10 > 0:18:14I was gonnae bring this round last night, but I watched it three times.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16The plot's a bit thin, but there's a lot of action.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Are Jack and Victor good at that?
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Aye. They wouldnae have offered otherwise.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31I suppose. I could have done it for you.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35- You? Do you do DIY?- Who do you think keeps this place running
0:18:35 > 0:18:39like a Swiss watch when anything goes wrong?
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Anyway, it's Chris I'm worried about.
0:18:45 > 0:18:50- Aye. You have to break it to him that he's no daein' it. - Aye. I feel bad.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53- What will I say to him? - What can you say, Isa?
0:18:53 > 0:18:56You promised him the job, then you give it to someone else.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Your word is not your bond.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00You lied. You stabbed him in the back.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Stop it, Navid.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Ach, I'll just keep oot his road.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Aye. That's what tae dae. It might be difficult.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09- How?- Because he's standing right behind you.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Well. What do you make of that?
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Does Boaby know you've got that?
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Aye, aye. It was him that gave me it
0:19:22 > 0:19:24and telt me to show everybody in Craiglang.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Of course he doesnae know I've got it.
0:19:27 > 0:19:28I lifted it out his stockroom.
0:19:28 > 0:19:32- How old is that? - We think aboot ten year.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Are you no' supposed to have a big walloper to be in they movies?
0:19:35 > 0:19:39Aye. That's just a daft wee piece he's got, eh?
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Mind you, he was busy with it.
0:19:43 > 0:19:48I know that, but how does it come to pass that you end up in a porno movie?
0:19:48 > 0:19:51I don't know. Probably an advert in the back of a paper somewhere.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55Aye. "Wanted - men for pumpin' women...
0:19:55 > 0:19:58"must be dirty bastards."
0:19:58 > 0:20:02- I'll no' be able to look him in the eye again.- Or eat his pies!
0:20:03 > 0:20:07Right youse lot. Shoot. We've got work tae be getting on wi'.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Who's all seen it?
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Navid, you two and us.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16- You puttin' it back?- Oh, aye. Right back...
0:20:16 > 0:20:20via the bookies, big Arthur's and anybody else that wants a look at it!
0:20:20 > 0:20:23- Don't forget Shug. He's screaming oot for it.- Oh, aye, Shug tae.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25C'mere a minute.
0:20:32 > 0:20:33That's not right, is it?
0:20:33 > 0:20:35That's just a washer.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38That's no' a washer. That just needs tightened.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Gie it a twist, Jack.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45I said twist it, no pull it, ya daftie!
0:20:45 > 0:20:48- I gie'd it a bloody twist! - Right. Oot ma road.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53It's nae big deal.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57See all that there? That's just a coupling.
0:20:57 > 0:20:58It's just uncoupled.
0:21:04 > 0:21:05Eh?
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Well, done. Good for you.
0:21:07 > 0:21:12Panic merchants. 35 year a Clyde fitter.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16The one thing you have to remember about pipes, especially in these buildings, is...
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Ye want tae have seen them.
0:21:26 > 0:21:30- They were like the Three Stooges! - Aye. We high-tailed it oot.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Jesus. That's funny.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Oh, right, right.
0:21:34 > 0:21:35What about this tape?
0:21:37 > 0:21:39OK. There we are.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41- Is it good?- Oh, aye.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Is it Boaby right enough?
0:21:43 > 0:21:46It's Boaby's all right. It's all Boaby.
0:21:46 > 0:21:51- It's full o' boaby!- I'm gonnae watch it the minute I get to work.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53I'm burstin' tae see it.
0:21:53 > 0:21:54Burstin' tae see what?
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Chariots Of Fire.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Shug hasnae seen that. Have you Shug?
0:21:59 > 0:22:03Eh. Naw. But I am burstin' tae see it.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Chariots Of Fire?
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Aye. I love all that stuff.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11Romans, horses, chariots.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14I love that Charlton Heston.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18G'night.
0:22:19 > 0:22:23- Another pint, Tam?- Yes, I'll have another pint please, Troy.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31What did you call me?
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Boaby?
0:22:36 > 0:22:37No. You called me Troy.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Did I?
0:22:45 > 0:22:47- Where's ma tape?- Whit tape?
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Ma PORN t...
0:22:50 > 0:22:53My porn tape.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Shug's got it.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58- Right, Isa?- Sherry, Boaby.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02You're gonnae have to look after the bar for hauf an hour, darling.
0:23:02 > 0:23:03Aye, aye, OK.
0:23:03 > 0:23:09Boaby... Come on, Boaby...
0:23:09 > 0:23:17- What's going on?- Believe me, Isa, you don't want to know. It's a man's thing.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Och! Is it Boaby's porn tape?
0:23:21 > 0:23:23You know about that?
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Aye. I seen that years ago.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Connie Jackson used to clean in here.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30She snuck it oot. We used to watch it at parties.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Sorry, Eric, it's old news.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36- What are you after?- Lager, love.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39It's a sin, that.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42You coming in after yer work for a sherry and end up working again.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Ach, I'm no' botherin'.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47To be honest, it keeps me oot the road of Jack and Victor.
0:23:47 > 0:23:51- They're decorating ma living room. - I know. I was up there earlier.
0:23:51 > 0:23:55- How are they getting on?- Aye, good!
0:23:55 > 0:24:01- WINSTON:- Towels! I need towels! - Victor, for God's sake, hurry up!
0:24:01 > 0:24:02Towels, towels.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Oh, that's marvellous, you clown, in't it?
0:24:05 > 0:24:09Right you want to go and get a bloody sponge.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Jack! Shoes aff, you dozy prick!
0:24:11 > 0:24:12Ah, Jesus!
0:24:12 > 0:24:18- Where's these bastard towels? - Gie's yer haun'.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20What the bloody hell has happened in here?
0:24:25 > 0:24:28I couldnae find the stopcock. Somebody's tiled o'er it.
0:24:28 > 0:24:32- It's the council! They dunno what they're daein'! - It was a drip. A tiny drip!
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Whit are you shoutin' at me for?
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Stick this up yer arse! I'm off!
0:24:37 > 0:24:41Listen to me, you big bastard! We're supposed to be painting and decorating.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44We've no' even opened a roll of paper!
0:24:44 > 0:24:48- Jack...- You're not going anywhere until you sort that trouble oot.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51- Jack...- You get in there, boy, and find that stopcock!
0:24:51 > 0:24:52- Jack!- What?
0:24:52 > 0:24:54The wall.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17HE COUGHS
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Now then.
0:25:29 > 0:25:30In you go.
0:25:39 > 0:25:40What?
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Aw!
0:25:56 > 0:25:59Ya bastard! Come on!
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Right. Delaney's?
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Aye, top of the street there. Below the big telly.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08MOANING
0:26:50 > 0:26:52It's lovely, boys.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56My hall, my living room, the kitchen.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58What have you done all this for?
0:26:58 > 0:26:59You know what it's like Isa.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Once you get started, you just get carried away.
0:27:02 > 0:27:06And we're not done yet. C'mon.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12Oh, ma bathroom!
0:27:12 > 0:27:14It's like Changing Rooms!
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Oh! I'll away and get Sadie!
0:27:32 > 0:27:33That money was gonnae bury us.