0:00:00 > 0:00:01Calm doon, wummin.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32TV: Any regrets about relocating to Rimini?
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Well, Italian's not the easiest...
0:00:35 > 0:00:37At first you struggle with the language.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40But the locals are very patient with you
0:00:40 > 0:00:43and there's a lot of Scots and Brits out here, so you don't get lonely.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46That's good. I'm that happy for ye.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Is there anything you miss?
0:00:48 > 0:00:53Occasionally you'll miss odd things like tea bags or a tin of Baxter's soup.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55But we've long since sorted that.
0:00:55 > 0:01:00Oor son Robin comes oot at least once a month and brings us all those provisions that we miss.
0:01:00 > 0:01:05Thank God for Big Stupid Robin runnin' aboot like a daft lassie for his maw and da(!)
0:01:05 > 0:01:08The restaurants are that cheap that you can eat out.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11We never use the cooker now! SHE LAUGHS
0:01:11 > 0:01:14The cooker's never on! Aye, I'm the same!
0:01:14 > 0:01:17I just cook everything in the microwave like a bastardin' astronaut!
0:01:17 > 0:01:23I don't mean to sound smug, but when November comes, we really don't miss the Scottish rain.
0:01:23 > 0:01:28With all due respect to the people back home, they do not know what they're missing.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31With all due respect, sweetheart, stick it up yer arse.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36I've got my wee bit of Italy right here.
0:01:37 > 0:01:38PING!
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Bon appetit.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53That changes yer view, right enough.
0:01:53 > 0:01:57I remember when they built that towerblock and now they're pullin' it doon.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Shower of arseholes.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Who? Architects.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05Who needs a balcony 24 up? A balcony, by Christ!
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Ye can see the church noo.
0:02:07 > 0:02:08Can ye? Let me see.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11I cannae see...
0:02:12 > 0:02:14These are garbage. Haud on.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16I've another set in here.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18WAAAAAAAAAAH!
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Eh? What? What ye sayin'? Nuthin.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22I thought ye said something.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26How's that?
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Aye, that's me noo.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32That's something. I can see Navid pointing up at oor building.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Gie him a wave.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37He'll no wave back. He'll no see us. He's no got binoculars.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44D'ye mind they pulled doon that row of hooses behind Winston's?
0:02:44 > 0:02:48They'd only been standing 11 year. Behind Winston's.
0:02:48 > 0:02:54I was offered one of them. A Swiss guy or a Swedish guy had designed them.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Flat roofs.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58All right for Algeria but no for here.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Aye. Bunch of wankers.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02Where is it you live?
0:03:02 > 0:03:05A freezing cauld wet and windy country?
0:03:05 > 0:03:08There's a hoose made oot o' papier-mache.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11And we'll put all yer windaes in wi' Plasticine.
0:03:11 > 0:03:12TELEPHONE RINGS
0:03:15 > 0:03:16Hello?
0:03:16 > 0:03:17It's Isa.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Calm doon, wummin.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Jesus!
0:03:37 > 0:03:41Right, Tam. What's this? It's a kitty for Hughie's widow.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44No, Victor. No me. Come on. Get yer haun in yer pocket.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45No. And I'll tell ye why.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49Cos yer a dirty miserable shite, that's why. No.
0:03:49 > 0:03:54If that man had died of a heart attack, ran over wi' a bus or shot, even, I'd've chipped in.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56But divin' out a building?
0:03:56 > 0:03:59I know it's harsh, but suicide doesn't merit a kitty.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03Tam, whatever happened to, "I left ma wallet in ma other troosers,"
0:04:03 > 0:04:05or "I don't draw ma pension till Thursday"?
0:04:05 > 0:04:07"Suicide doesnae merit a kitty"?
0:04:07 > 0:04:12It's no aboot him any mair. It's aboot his poor wife. She's left tae deal wi' it awe.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13What's she called again?
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Ella.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Oh, Ella. That's right.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Sherry please, Boabby.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Gies a pie and beans, Boabby...and a whisky.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Have ye heard? Whit?
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Aboot Hughie Casey? Aye.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28Terrible business, i'n't it?
0:04:28 > 0:04:32Ye think? I think he's done himself a favour, if you ask me.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Come on noo, Winston. You cannae say that.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Ach, gies peace, Isa.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40His worries are over. I would do it masel if I didnae only live one up.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43I see we've caught you on a guid day.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Look, Hughie Casey was a nice fella.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47But it's this place, innit?
0:04:47 > 0:04:49The Clansman? Aye, it does get to ye.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Naw, Craiglang.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55He's took one look at this place and he's went, "Nah!"
0:04:55 > 0:04:58If he was a Red Indian, naebody would be botherin' their arse.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00The long walk, they call it.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02And it's no a big deal tae them.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Nae shame in it at aw.
0:05:04 > 0:05:05To Hughie.
0:05:07 > 0:05:12Here is your pie and beans, Dances Wi' One Leg. Stick it up yer arse.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17Jesus. What's eatin' him? I don't think Winston's far off the mark.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20I knew Hughie well. He didnae want tae retire.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22He was all about the job.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Chauffeuring for 40 year.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26People relying on him to be there.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30Then...no longer required. That's a lot for some folk tae to take.
0:05:30 > 0:05:35He said to me before, "I don't know what I'll dae when this is all done."
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Sittin' in aw day, every day wi' Ella? Hey, hey!
0:05:38 > 0:05:40C'mon, Jack. She's nae oil paintin'.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Jesus Christ, that's terrible.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45She's the double of Ken Dodd. Aye, Tam. That's enough. Isa?
0:05:45 > 0:05:50Aye. She does have a look of Ken Dodd aboot her. The two boys got called the Diddy Men at school.
0:05:50 > 0:05:55Whoa! Where you goin' wi' that pie, Kemosabe?
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Winston's pie? Back into the fridge, Tam,
0:05:57 > 0:06:01until such time's as a customer wants to pay for one.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04That's been heated. You cannae reheat that. That's Health and Safety.
0:06:06 > 0:06:07?1.50.
0:06:08 > 0:06:1050.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11A pound.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Deal.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Ring the bell. Ach, Isa!
0:06:34 > 0:06:38We've never even met this woman. Can YOU no just gie her the money?
0:06:38 > 0:06:40And we'll see ye in the pub later? Look...
0:06:40 > 0:06:45ye've done a nice thing here havin' a whip roon. The least ye can dae is hand the money in yerselves.
0:06:45 > 0:06:50Anyway, it's good for her to know she's got neighbours round aboot her.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Oh...Isa.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Hello, hen.
0:07:01 > 0:07:06I was just daein' a bit of dusting to take ma mind aff things.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09Aye. This is Jack and Victor.
0:07:09 > 0:07:13They knew Hughie. Would youse like to come in?
0:07:17 > 0:07:21Eh...we were sorry to hear that Hughie was Dodd, eh, dead.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25That's good of you, Jack.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27He often mentioned youse.
0:07:27 > 0:07:28Diddy?
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Um, did HE?
0:07:33 > 0:07:36The boys have aw put together, and eh...
0:07:37 > 0:07:39It's no much but...
0:07:39 > 0:07:41there ye go.
0:07:41 > 0:07:45It's a lovely gesture. Much appreciate it.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49Must have been an awful shock. It was just the way it happened.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52So quick.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54He parked his car.
0:07:54 > 0:07:55He came up the stairs.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59I went in the kitchen to get him a cuppa.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00When I came oot...
0:08:03 > 0:08:05..he'd done it.
0:08:07 > 0:08:08MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:08:08 > 0:08:09Oh, that phone!
0:08:09 > 0:08:15I wish I could get peace from it. Why don't you just turn it off?
0:08:15 > 0:08:16It's his chauffeur phone.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18That'll be his boss.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21I don't know what to say to him.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Now listen to me, sweetheart. Calm doon.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Don't concern yersel' wi' this any more.
0:08:26 > 0:08:31The next time this phone goes, we'll get it and we'll explain
0:08:31 > 0:08:35to him what's happened to Hughie and everything's gonnae be fine.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37MOBILE PHONE RINGS AGAIN
0:08:48 > 0:08:52Hughie Casey's phone. Jack Jarvis Esquire speaking for Hughie Casey.
0:08:52 > 0:08:56I'm afraid he's not available at the moment.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58I'll be able to explain that...
0:08:58 > 0:09:00If I could... If I could just...
0:09:00 > 0:09:04Here, listen, I'd rather you didn't take that tone with me.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Aye, well, you'd have a bloody job wringing his neck.
0:09:07 > 0:09:08He's in a million bits.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10ELLA CRIES
0:09:10 > 0:09:15If you want tae rummage through the mush tae find his neck tae wring, you're welcome to try, sir.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Excuse me, sir. Sorry about that.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22That is an idiot boy that works for Hughie.
0:09:22 > 0:09:23Just so you understand,
0:09:23 > 0:09:29Hughie Casey took his own life by ejecting himself from his ain living room windae.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33That's a very considerate question, sir. Yes, the car is fine.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35He didn't jump on top of it.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Righto. Hold on.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39..They want the car back.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Is that the keys there, hen? Aye.
0:09:43 > 0:09:47If you can come to Osprey Heights on Saturday, 2.30?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49We'll make sure the car's there.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Right you are. OK.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57The fella was a wee bit concerned because Hughie had two weddings this weekend.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59That's that oot the windae, eh?
0:10:04 > 0:10:06What about Deanhill? Deanhill?
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Do I look as if I enjoy crack? Sorry?
0:10:10 > 0:10:14Do I look like a junkie? A dragon chaser? Och, no.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17No. Well, I'm gonnae look oot o' place in Deanhill, amn't I?
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Whit about Cravenwood?
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Cravenwood! Yer offering me a flat in Cravenwood?!
0:10:23 > 0:10:27Do I get a free shotgun with that, son? Cos I'm gonnae need it in Cravenwood.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29That's Comanche country! Ach, ye know what, son?
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Just forget it.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Sorry. Mr Ingram! I completely forgot...
0:10:37 > 0:10:39What? Your leg.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41You're on invalidity, aren't you?
0:10:41 > 0:10:45I am. Aye Well, if your interested...
0:10:45 > 0:10:47you would qualify for a new council housing initiative.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Keep talkin', son.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53Well, it is in Finport, though. Finport?
0:10:53 > 0:10:56I used to go there when I was a wean.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Here we are. Lovely big motor, eh?!
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Aye, kept it nice, didn't he?
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Automatic.
0:11:17 > 0:11:18Easy to drive yer automatic.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28That's you a chauffeur noo, Jack. What the bloody hell are you doing?!
0:11:28 > 0:11:29Oh!
0:11:31 > 0:11:32Left here, Jack.
0:11:33 > 0:11:34For God's sake!
0:11:35 > 0:11:37VICTOR TUTS
0:11:37 > 0:11:39What are you tutting at?
0:11:39 > 0:11:42Ye never checked yer mirror tae see if anyone was behind ye.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44That's because there isnae anybody behind us.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Aye, 20/20 hindsight, aye!
0:11:47 > 0:11:50You see, your job as the driver...
0:11:50 > 0:11:56Chauffeur. Chauffeur, aye, is to convey your passenger effortlessly from A to B without them being
0:11:56 > 0:12:01overly concerned with being battered up the arse by another car because you never checked yer mirror.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Nobody will be getting battered up the arse on ma shift.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Anyway, if I'm the chauffeur, what does that make you?
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Aye, well, I've thought about that.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11I'll be dealing with the customer, you know, front line.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Opening doors, the smiling face.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17You're mair... boiler-room staff really.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21I know what your position is. You're the spare prick at a weddin'.
0:12:21 > 0:12:22Oh, dear, Jack.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25Navvy chat. Ye've showed yerself tae be uncouth.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Unfit to be dealing wi' the general public.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Shut up, ya bastard.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Just drive, ye clown. Don't call me a clown.
0:12:32 > 0:12:33Oh!
0:12:34 > 0:12:37PEDESTRIAN CROSSING BEEPS
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Fergie, ya bloody halfwit!
0:12:39 > 0:12:43What ye daein' in the middle of the road on the crossing when the...when the wee man's at...
0:12:43 > 0:12:44green? Sorry!
0:12:44 > 0:12:49It's aw right. Just takin' this beer up ma ma's. Oh, aye. Bit of a party, is it?
0:12:49 > 0:12:53It's fur ma reception. Are ye marryin' that wee lassie? Congratulations.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Is that Mr Casey's motor? It is, aye.
0:12:55 > 0:13:00I was gonnae ask him how much he charges cos that would have been nice.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Pick her up in a big motor. She'd love that.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06But he's thrown hissel oot a windae, i'n't he? Aye, he did.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Ach, probably too dear anyway.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11So where are you havin' yer reception?
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Naewhere. In ma ma's.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Best of luck to the two of ye, Fergie.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Fergie?
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Where is it yer girlfriend lives?
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Aah, Mr Finport! Eh?
0:13:53 > 0:13:54How...?
0:13:54 > 0:13:58I know Jackie in the housing office.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Aye, Finport. It's gotta be better than this cesspit.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Good for you, Winston.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Very brave to make that kind of decision at your age.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09A life beside the ocean.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Getting to see your horizons, rather than just imagining them.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Nicely put, Navid.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17My father-in-law lived inland all his days.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21Then as soon as he unloaded Meena onto me, he took his chance
0:14:21 > 0:14:24and started up his own business in the coastal town of Puri.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Building pedaloes. Sounds lovely.
0:14:27 > 0:14:28Mmm.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31So, is he still there?
0:14:31 > 0:14:33No. He was eaten by a tiger shark.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36There was a reason there weren't any pedaloes in Puri. Silly bastard.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40I'll don't think there are any sharks in Finport.
0:14:40 > 0:14:41Jelly fish maybe, but nae sharks.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44Finport?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Who's off to Finport?
0:14:46 > 0:14:48I am. Saturday. Oh, nice.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50How long for?
0:14:50 > 0:14:51Eh...
0:14:51 > 0:14:54..for good.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59For good! Finport, by Christ.
0:14:59 > 0:15:04What ye laughin' at? That's what I'm daein'. I'm leaving Craiglang and I'm setting up in Finport.
0:15:04 > 0:15:09If you want a break from Craiglang, do what everybody else does. Take a couple of days in Blackpool.
0:15:09 > 0:15:14That's right, but no, you've got to go a wee bit better. You've got to go the extra mile. Finport, eh?
0:15:14 > 0:15:16That's you all over! Impulsive! Madcap!
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Another hair-brained scheme from Winnie Ingram!
0:15:19 > 0:15:23Well, I'm glad my plan amuses you.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Navid, cheery-bye.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35What's the matter with him?
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Where we out of line there? Well, I dunno. He's your pal, gentlemen.
0:15:38 > 0:15:39You've known each other all your days.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43But if you feel confident enough to stand there and rubbish him
0:15:43 > 0:15:46in front of the man who sells him his bog roll, then fine!
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Jeezo. Yer far on wi' this.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12I telt ye I wasnae messin' aboot.
0:16:12 > 0:16:17And, listen, if you've come here for round two of takin' the piss, ye kin sling yer hook.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Actually, we're here to apologise.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24Aye. We were out of order. We just didnae think you were serious.
0:16:24 > 0:16:30We don't want ye to make a mistake. I tell ye what would be making a mistake, stayin' here and festerin'.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33You know me. Once I've made ma mind up...
0:16:33 > 0:16:35But the coast, Winston, it looks dandy on paper.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38A lot of people oor age think that's the answer.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40It doesnae pan oot that way but.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Apart fae that, yer breakin' up the old team, ye know.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Christ's sake, Jack. What team?
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Most of the team are deid.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52Youse two are more than welcome to stay here in Craiglang marking time.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55But see this place? It depresses me.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57It brings me doon.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00I'm sick of the same old faces.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Thanks very much, Winston.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04Look, you know I didn't mean that.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Youse two are awright. You do your ain thing.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11But me, I'm out.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14I'll tell you another thing. They're doin' a lot of good things down there.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17They've just put new railings right along the front.
0:17:17 > 0:17:18Ooh, new railings!
0:17:19 > 0:17:20Sorry.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23And a new tea room tae. That'll be good.
0:17:23 > 0:17:28It's just been done up. It'll be hoachin wi' widows in the summer.
0:17:28 > 0:17:33That's what I'll be - the sly auld fox in amongst the chickens, eh?
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Look, lads...
0:17:36 > 0:17:41I'm no askin' for yer permission, but I want you to be happy for me.
0:17:41 > 0:17:46Eric's organised a wee drink on Saturday night in the Clansman. A wee sort of cheerio affair.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Will ye come? Eric's organised it, has he?
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Aye, we'll come. Of course we'll come.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58To the fanny in Finport.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01And the other one who'll be joining them shortly.
0:18:01 > 0:18:02Oh.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Oh, aye, here, lads! This is Jack and Victor! They're gonnae pick Sinead up the morra!
0:18:15 > 0:18:19How youse doin'? C'mon, we'll buy ye a drink!
0:18:19 > 0:18:22No, no. Yer awright, son. We're a wee bit past stag parties.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Garbage. We're going up tae Reflections.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Gonnae get full o' it. C'mon.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31Reflections? No. Enjoy yersel', Fergie.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33I'll see ye the morra.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39I've to let you know about Winston's drink. In here tomorrow night.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42You're all the heroes we know all about it.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44See ye then.
0:18:44 > 0:18:454pm.
0:18:50 > 0:18:55Ye'll have heard aboot this, eh? Winston off to the coast. Aye.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57It's a mistake.
0:18:57 > 0:18:58Jealous?
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Excuse me? You two. Jealous.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Winston! Don't go!
0:19:04 > 0:19:08Don't leave us! Yer makin' a mistake! Holding on tae his wooden leg! Sta-ay!
0:19:08 > 0:19:11What is it you're on aboot? You two.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14You don't like change.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17As much as I think he's an arsehole, at least Winston's got balls.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20The balls to get up and go. Make changes.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22And youse cannae stand it.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Pish. It's not pish.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30Winston's a bull and he wants into the next field. Nothing's gonnae stop him.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Whereas you two are sheep.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35And Craiglang is yer wee pen.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38Right, if that's us, what does that make you?
0:19:38 > 0:19:40I know what I am.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42A brainless bastard.
0:19:42 > 0:19:47The highlight of my day is eating one of ma ain pies and throwing a few quid intae that puggy.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51I know I'll no get oot a here but I've made peace with it.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Craiglang is Death Row
0:19:53 > 0:19:55and I'm...I'm on it.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Dead man walking.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Don't rise to that, Victor. He's just pullin' yer chain.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12There's plenty of life left in Craiglang yet.
0:20:14 > 0:20:19Oh, aye? Where are you two rock stars up tae the night, when you leave here?
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Close the curtains. Be-e-e-e-ed.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26No, we're going to Reflections.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Aye! Are we?
0:20:30 > 0:20:32DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Jesus, that boy's got his haun right up that lassie's skirt! Is that allowed?
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Evidently.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46When was the last time you done that?
0:20:46 > 0:20:50I don't know, but Pat Boone was singing while I was daein' it.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54This is murder. Let's get oot o' here.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59No, you're all right, Fergie. C'mon! Get it doon ye! It's best o' gear.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02We're no very big on the blue drinks, Fergie. What are they?
0:21:02 > 0:21:06Electroid - vodka, Red Bull and Blue Bols.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08That's all we're needin' at oor age.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Blue Bols. We're away!
0:21:10 > 0:21:13C'mon. It's ma stag night, man!
0:21:23 > 0:21:26For God's sake. Jesus, Jack!
0:21:26 > 0:21:28What am I daein' in your bloody hoose?
0:21:28 > 0:21:30I'll tell ye what yer doin' in ma hoose.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34You and I are a couple of party animals.
0:21:34 > 0:21:35HE LAUGHS
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Sheep, by Christ!
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Ooh...this is the bollocks right enough.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Very strange, though.
0:21:47 > 0:21:52What's that? Well, generally if I've been on a night on the skite, I couldnae face that.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54But I feel great.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Aye, me an' awe.
0:21:57 > 0:22:03I'll tell ye why that is. See yer boozy coloured drinks, they're full of vitamin C and fruit juice.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05That'll be why the kiddies drink it, aye.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09So they can get up nice and early in the morning and go to school.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22What a day! I remember Sinead when she was a wee lassie!
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Is that right, aye? Prick. Couldnae remember his address.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29Are you the drivers? That's right, sweetheart. Who are you? The blushing bride?
0:22:29 > 0:22:33Ooh-hoo! ALEC, that's the drivers here!
0:22:33 > 0:22:35'SINEAD!'
0:22:35 > 0:22:39"Who are you? The blushing bride!" Shut up. You no wantin' a tip? Fae this mob?
0:22:42 > 0:22:47Oh, er, nearly ready then, eh? Just getting a button put on ma troosers.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Bastard pinged aff this morning when I was tryin' them on. It's the cider.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53It's a bastard. Ye's wantin' a can?
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Oh, no, no.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Here she comes, the bride noo!
0:23:00 > 0:23:04Look at her skin! She's been Tangoed! That's no skin, that's rind!
0:23:04 > 0:23:06This way, darlin'. What a day!
0:23:06 > 0:23:08I remember when Sinead...
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Aye, a wee lassie! Aye.
0:23:10 > 0:23:11In ye get, darlin'.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Beautiful motor. Classy.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Where's the other motors?
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Other motors? Will we all get in this?
0:23:22 > 0:23:25I've been a bit selfish with the driving.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Would you like to drive, Victor? And I'll sit with...
0:23:28 > 0:23:30No, I'm fine, Jack. Fine.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33Haud the bus, driver! I need tae dae the scramble.
0:23:35 > 0:23:36Scramble!
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Fur God's sake, Da. How much did you throw oot?
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Three pound and a power card.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Thanks, fellas! That was smash...
0:24:09 > 0:24:12You're welcome. Get back in the car.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15Eh? Get back in the car.
0:24:15 > 0:24:16Oh!
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Hello there! There's your keys there.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Ah, now...
0:24:31 > 0:24:35the reason the car's... warm is we, um...
0:24:35 > 0:24:36That's because we started it up.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39We did, aye. Because...
0:24:39 > 0:24:42..because we didn't want you gettin'...a flat battery. Battery.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45That's right. Thanks.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Winston's drinks! Oh, Jesus.
0:25:02 > 0:25:06Stop! Ye couldnae drap us at the Clansman, could ye?
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Well.
0:25:09 > 0:25:14Better be off. My taxi comes soon tae take me tae the bus depot.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Hold on for Jack and Victor, Winston.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19They'll no want to miss ye. Och, no.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21They're obviously busy daein' something else.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Right.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Oh, I'll miss ye, Winston.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Come on, you. Nae tears.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Remember, I'm only away doon the coast.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42Listen, hen, thanks very much for that jumper, by the way.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Boabby, thanks for the malt.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Eric, thanks for that smashin' set of darts.
0:25:50 > 0:25:55Tam, thanks for...sitting there and watching me getting gifts off everybody else.
0:25:55 > 0:25:59No problem, Winston. Oh, Winston, thank God you're still here.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Oh, ye finally made it.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04Eh, we got you something.
0:26:04 > 0:26:05Oh, aye. That's right.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08We just wanted to wish ye luck.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Well, you've been a great pal.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12It's very nice, that.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15If you ever need to find yer way back...
0:26:15 > 0:26:17There's a compass on the front.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Oh, full, tae.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22Oh, it's full o' lemonade.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26It was just to gie ye an idea what weight it would be... when it's full o' whisky.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Very nice of ye, fellas.
0:26:39 > 0:26:40Right.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Well, I guess that's me then.
0:26:42 > 0:26:47Right, where is he? I'm gonnae rip that little bastard's lungs oot! What the hell's happened?
0:26:47 > 0:26:52Fergie! He stood ma Sinead up! Wait a minute, where is he? Youse were the last to see him. No, we werenae.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Youse were. You took him hame!
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Did we?
0:26:58 > 0:27:00DRUNKEN SINGING
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Jack!
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Victor!
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Ya couple of basta-a-ards!
0:27:25 > 0:27:27SCREAMING AND SHOUTING
0:28:17 > 0:28:19Finport?
0:28:19 > 0:28:21Finport, aye.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23To live.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25Really? Me too.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27Is that right?
0:28:27 > 0:28:28Aye.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31Well, my husband died last year so, um...
0:28:31 > 0:28:33Sorry to hear that.
0:28:33 > 0:28:36Oh, no. He left me a fortune.
0:28:36 > 0:28:39So I'm off to Finport to spend the lot. Oh, aye?
0:28:39 > 0:28:43And I'm looking for a man to spend it with. But most of all...
0:28:43 > 0:28:46I'm looking for somebody to attend to these puppies.
0:28:46 > 0:28:50They've been so-o neglected.
0:28:51 > 0:28:53FINPORT!
0:28:53 > 0:28:55Feet aff!