0:00:01 > 0:00:01You have me at a disadvantage there, Jack. I don't believe we've...
0:00:34 > 0:00:38Did you watch the football last night? Naw.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40I was gonnae come in here and watch it,
0:00:40 > 0:00:46but it's no' the same without Winston shoutin' and bawlin' at the telly, is it?
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Aye. He made it worth watchin' even when it was a shite game.
0:00:49 > 0:00:50Aye, aye.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53I fair miss him. Me too.
0:00:53 > 0:00:57I was in the bookies yesterday and Captain Dandy was running.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59He won as well!
0:00:59 > 0:01:02I wonder if Winston was backing him.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Aye, I wonder.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Aye. I miss him too.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Our wee pal. We're lost without him.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Get it up ye, ya prick!
0:01:17 > 0:01:24You wouldnae know what it is to miss a pal, Bobby, never having had one, ya black-hearted loner bastard.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26You don't need pals in the pub game, Victor.
0:01:26 > 0:01:27Suck ye dry.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Here's yer post, Boabby.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Chris, give us our post.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Save ye humpin' it up the block.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Cannae do that, Jack. Her Majesty's post is very clear on this.
0:01:37 > 0:01:41Mail must be delivered to the recipient at the recipient's place of residence.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Since when have you cared aboot rules? Gies wur post!
0:01:43 > 0:01:46No. Against the regulations. Chris.
0:01:46 > 0:01:47You are a shiftless deadbeat.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51Why are you acting all officious as if yer being watched? Post!
0:01:51 > 0:01:54No! I'll no' tell ye again. C'mon!
0:01:54 > 0:01:56I'll get hung for this.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00Osprey Heights... No, you've no' got any.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Boabby, you've got a leccy bill and a postcard.
0:02:03 > 0:02:04Oooh, what to read first.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Leccy bill or postcard?
0:02:09 > 0:02:12I'm gonnae keep you till later, ye wee minx.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Ah. It's from Winston.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17What's he sayin'?
0:02:17 > 0:02:19"To all at the Clansman.
0:02:19 > 0:02:23"Just a wee update on life in Finport.
0:02:23 > 0:02:29"Won 25 quid in a puggy in Neville's Amusement Arcade and a new baker's has opened.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31"Their cream horns are the bollocks.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36"The place is hoaching with Fandan.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38"Best move I ever made coming here.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40"Get it up youse."
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Another nice piece of correspondence from Oscar Wilde.
0:02:43 > 0:02:47And the photograph? Nude lassie.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Put it up with the rest of them.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52He must have been buying in bulk.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55And he never puts his address on them, eh?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57No, queer, that.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00He doesnae want anybody droppin' in on him.
0:03:00 > 0:03:01He likes advanced warning.
0:03:04 > 0:03:05Afternoon, gentlemen.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09This is Frances' sister, Molly Drummond.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Now that's a familiar face.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Jack Jarvis Esquire.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16How do you do?
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Boabby, lager, two sherries.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22You have me at a disadvantage there, Jack. I don't believe we've...
0:03:22 > 0:03:24C'mon now. Molly Drummond.
0:03:24 > 0:03:29Sold out the Alhambra six weeks in a row in 19 - ahem - 2.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34# Paradise is just next door...
0:03:34 > 0:03:38# And it's all there Waiting for you! #
0:03:38 > 0:03:41I remember now, aye. What was the other one...?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44# Be sure to write me when you get there... #
0:03:44 > 0:03:47No. I never done that song.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49That was Tilly Macaig.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Nasty wee cow.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56I'll get these. You picked me up at the bus station, Tam.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00Indeed you will not. Tam! Of course.
0:04:00 > 0:04:05Aye, aye, aye. Molly's up from Finport for a few days.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08Oh, we've a nice friend in Finport. I was telling her.
0:04:08 > 0:04:14Anyway, Molly couldnae make Frances and I's weddin', so this is a sort of getting to know each other.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Aye.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24Did I tell ye that Molly played the Carnegie Hall in the Big Apple?
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Alongside Billy Eckstein and Sarah Vaughan.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Really?
0:04:28 > 0:04:30That's something, aye.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36And do you know who bought her a drink after the show one night? No.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Who?
0:04:38 > 0:04:43A certain Francis Albert Sinatra.
0:04:43 > 0:04:44Really?
0:04:54 > 0:04:56On the house. Very kind.
0:05:00 > 0:05:05Tam, always a pleasure to watch you work. Maestro! Maestro!
0:05:05 > 0:05:09# I did it my-y-y wa-a-a-a-ay! #
0:05:19 > 0:05:23# Paradise is just next door... # Where are ye? Sssh.
0:05:23 > 0:05:24Listen.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27That's Molly live at the Alhambra. 1962.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29What a voice!
0:05:29 > 0:05:32# Give a little knock on the wall tonight... #
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Here, has she still got the looks, eh?
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Oh, aye, aye. She's...foxy.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Aye. Nicely turned oot.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Blonde hair and the make-up and a' that. A looker.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Aye, she's... She's a looker.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Er, what is it you're wanting?
0:05:51 > 0:05:55Eh? Oh, aye. Aye, ye'll never guess. Bloody Winston's just phoned.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57What's he sayin'? Nothin', really.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59How's tricks?
0:05:59 > 0:06:01He was bumming up Finport something chronic. Did you get his address?
0:06:01 > 0:06:06No. No. I asked him but he was waffling on and I didnae get it.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09That's nae bloody use, is it?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11He said a funny thing, though, Jack.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Oh, aye? He said, "How's the Clansman?"
0:06:14 > 0:06:15What's funny aboot that? Well, nothin'.
0:06:15 > 0:06:20But...then he said, "How's Boabby?"
0:06:20 > 0:06:22"How's Boabby?"
0:06:22 > 0:06:26That IS funny. They must have arseholes in Finport, surely.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28You woulda thought so. Why would you miss a wanker?
0:06:28 > 0:06:32Why would you miss a big walking tit wi' legs?
0:06:32 > 0:06:34A dunderheid, a walloper.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36A serf. A go-get-me.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38A dimwit. A cockbag. Oh-h.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Do you know what I think? What?
0:06:41 > 0:06:44I reckon he's desperately lonely.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48..Go on.
0:06:48 > 0:06:55Well, if yer so low that you miss the shitiest thing aboot the place ye've left... Boabby.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59..then ye must really be hating the place ye're in.
0:06:59 > 0:07:03Where does that put us? Puts us on the bus tae Finport, Jack.
0:07:05 > 0:07:10I'll get the plates and the sauce. No, don't bother wi' plates!
0:07:10 > 0:07:14It's awful good of ye tae have me for the few days.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Not a bit of it, Molly. You're family, for God's sake!
0:07:17 > 0:07:23I mean I could have booked into a hotel, but so many of them nowadays are so impersonal.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Bloody expensive, too! Oh, aye.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27I brought the plates, anyway.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33Thanks, Frances.
0:07:33 > 0:07:39Right, darlin'. Ta. Huv ye nae brown sauce, Frances? Brown sauce? Aye.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Oh, er. No!
0:07:41 > 0:07:43It's just red sauce we take, eh, Tam?
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Aye, just red sauce.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Here, I might have a sachet of brown sauce that I've lifted.
0:07:48 > 0:07:53When I eat out, I always grab a handful of these.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58You havenae changed! I know. What am I like?
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Every penny's a prisoner wi' me, eh?
0:08:01 > 0:08:08# You're the lady you're the lady that I love I'm the lady, the lady who... #
0:08:08 > 0:08:12We've got the bus station there, so that's a five-minute walk doon to the beach.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14That's the shops there.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18I reckon the best bet's starting at that wee estate there. Aye, well.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20That's as good a place as any.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24Besides, how many one-legged old duffers can there be in Finport, eh?
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Youse want another? Naw, actually. We're heading off.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30Um... We're going to go down to Finport, check up on Winston.
0:08:30 > 0:08:34Why, what's up with him? Nothing's wrong wi' him. It's time for a wee visit, ye know?
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Boabby. Lager and a sweet sherry.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Right. Hey, Tam.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42..We're gonnae shoot doon tae Finport, see how Winston's doing. De ye want tae come wi' us?
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Ordinarily, er...
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Any other day, but...
0:08:47 > 0:08:49No. Ye dirty bugger.
0:08:49 > 0:08:54What? Nickin' aboot in the middle of the afternoon wi' yer wife's sister.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57What you all about?
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Frances is stuck in the library till five o'clock.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02It's my responsibility to...
0:09:02 > 0:09:04To what, Tam? Show her a good time!
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Curious choice of words, that.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11What is your idea of showing a woman a good time, Tam?
0:09:11 > 0:09:16Well, bring her in here and have a sherry. Chat. Convivial...
0:09:16 > 0:09:20Boabby. Your idea of showing a woman a good time? Pumpin' her.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24That's my wife's sister you're talking about.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26And I'm only married ten minutes.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Have a little respect.
0:09:28 > 0:09:33Tam. Here's your chance to gie me a bit of respect and gie us ?3.80 for the drinks, eh?
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Ye can look aboot all ye want, Tam.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Naebody's gonnae save ye fae buyin' this round.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45Ye've had yer freebie, noo it's time to cough up.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Is it?
0:09:50 > 0:09:51Is it really?
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Oh, just in time, Eric!
0:09:54 > 0:09:59I've got yer signed album from the lovely Molly. Oh, boy!
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Unbelievable. That's made ma day.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12Right. Let me square ye up for they drinks, Boabby?
0:10:12 > 0:10:17I'll get that. It's the least I can dae. And the next yin and the next yin!
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Oh, thanks for that, Eric.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Do you know what? Give us another couple of drinks.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Has anybody got a light?
0:10:25 > 0:10:28Aye. Er...
0:10:28 > 0:10:33There ye go. Thanks. I've never got one of these when I need one. I'll give it you back in a minute.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Oh, that's all right. You can keep that one.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Thanks.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44# You're the lady, you're the lady that I love
0:10:44 > 0:10:47# I'm the lady, the lady who
0:10:47 > 0:10:52# You're the fella, you're the fella that rocks me... #
0:10:56 > 0:11:01Maybe we should have come down earlier. Time's marching on a bit.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03No, we've got stacks of time.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06The last bus doesnae go back tae eleven o'clock.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Right. What we doin' first when we get doon here?
0:11:08 > 0:11:12Er, well, we should be cognisant of the fact that we are doon here looking for Winston.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16But we should also bear in mind that we are pensioners and we don't get to the coast very often.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19So what ye thinking?
0:11:19 > 0:11:25Fish, chips, ice cream, pint...then Winston. Sounds like a plan.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32SEAGULLS CALL
0:11:33 > 0:11:35WIND HOWLS
0:11:36 > 0:11:40Here, listen, we'll no' bother with the ice cream, eh? No.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58I cannae feel ma clacker bag.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00It doesnae matter, the chips'll warm us up.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Shut. When does it open?
0:12:07 > 0:12:08May.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10Pint? Pint.
0:12:20 > 0:12:21DOOR CREAKS
0:12:26 > 0:12:30I'm starving. Aye, I know. Me an' a'.
0:12:30 > 0:12:35You doin' food, son? Normally, aye. But ma cook's in hospital with the depression.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Queerest thing I've ever seen.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41Took a' his claes aff, put them in a neat wee pile, walked into the water.
0:12:41 > 0:12:42They carted him.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44He was navy blue.
0:12:44 > 0:12:49Shoutin' and bawlin' aboot toasties.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Aye, well. Two lager. That's food of sort.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Two pints of lager coming up.
0:12:58 > 0:12:59DISPELLING AIR
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Need tae change the old barrel, eh?
0:13:01 > 0:13:06Nope. That's the last one. The brewery only delivers on a Wednesday.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Okey-dokey. Two whiskies, then, please.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11Don't recognise the two of you.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13We're doon fae Glasgow.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16What brings ye tae Finport?
0:13:16 > 0:13:17Well, we've got a pal doon here.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21He moved doon here six weeks ago and we just wanted to see how he was doing, you know?
0:13:21 > 0:13:25Problem is, we don't have his address. What's his name?
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Winston. Winston Ingram.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Red face. Pot belly.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Limp. Wooden leg.
0:13:32 > 0:13:33No! No!
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Where d'you think the best place tae start would be?
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Youse two aren't going to wander aboot Finport in the dark, are ye?
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Well, aye.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47That wouldnae be the best idea.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50SIREN BLARES
0:13:51 > 0:13:53See when darkness comes...
0:13:53 > 0:13:56Finport belongs to the young team.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59SHOUTING
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Jesus. What are we doing now?
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Just hole up here for the night.
0:14:05 > 0:14:10Start your search in the morning. Michael here has got a bed and breakfast.
0:14:10 > 0:14:11Haven't you, Michael? Yeah! Oh!
0:14:14 > 0:14:17The fella was sayin' ye've got a bed and breakfast.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21Yeah. That's right, yeah. You're an English fella, aren't ye? Yeah.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Used to be a cab driver.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27I came up here in '95 with me missus.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Worst move I ever made.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34I'd go back to London in a flash, but the house market went crazy down there.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36So I'm trapped.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Trapped in Finport.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Like a rat.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Me missus couldn't stick it.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46She's gone back to live with her mother.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Been quiet, has it? Quiet?
0:14:51 > 0:14:53It's...
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Yeah, it's quiet.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58I've had to sell me car to make some money,
0:14:58 > 0:15:00but it's been up for sale for two years.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06There's my card.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Breakfast is between 7 and 7.30.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Or whenever you like, really.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17OWL HOOTS
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Four and five. At the top of the stairs.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Thanks very much. Nighty-nighty now.
0:15:21 > 0:15:26Want to have a nightcap with me? Naw. We've an early start in the morning. Aye.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28We've got a very big day tomorrow. But thanks for offering, though.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Go on.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Have a drink.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34No, thanks.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37Have a drink with me, will ya? Please.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41OK. Great.
0:15:46 > 0:15:47Oh, aye.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Now, what have I got?
0:15:52 > 0:15:54I've got vodka.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56No, I don't.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59I've got Bacardi. Aye, Bacardi's fine. We'll gie it a try.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Now...have I got a can of coke?
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Diet lemonade do ya?
0:16:30 > 0:16:33Two Bacardis and diet lemonade.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Thank you.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37That's ?4.80.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Hello, Molly.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52Evening. Evening, Molly.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Evening, Tam.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Is yer room OK, Molly?
0:16:58 > 0:16:59My room's lovely, Tam.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Lonely, but lovely.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Oh, here, you sit there.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Thank you.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Where did you get yer goonie, Tam?
0:17:14 > 0:17:16The hospital.
0:17:16 > 0:17:21I was in for a bladder operation back when and I thought, "A wee souvenir," you know?
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Yours is nice, too.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26St Anne's Hotel. Very nice.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29I actually got two of them.
0:17:29 > 0:17:30Oh.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32It was a lovely hotel. Lovely rooms.
0:17:32 > 0:17:37Oh - beautiful, big fluffy towels.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39I could hardly get my case shut!
0:17:43 > 0:17:44Case shut!
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Right. What are we watching?
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Ooh. Basic Instinct.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Ow!
0:18:03 > 0:18:08I know you asked for bacon, but...there wasn't...
0:18:12 > 0:18:16See, if you opened a gun shop doon here there'd be a queue right down to the beach.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20SOBBING
0:18:20 > 0:18:24Michael, get over it. She's no' coming back!
0:18:25 > 0:18:28We need to get out of here.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29Get looking.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Jesus! What?
0:18:34 > 0:18:36It's him!
0:18:39 > 0:18:41No, no, no, no, no.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43I've had that before. Now pay up.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46We're no daein' a runner. Our pal's just walked past the windae!
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Yeah, good for you. Now, ?14 each.
0:18:49 > 0:18:50Cough up.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56There you are. There's 30.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58I'll just get you your change.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02No, get yersel a Bacardi and diet lemonade, ye arsehole, ye!
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Winston! W...
0:19:09 > 0:19:11There you go.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13It's on the house, seeing as it's your birthday, eh?
0:19:16 > 0:19:20You cannae get enough sweetness in your life, Tam.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24No, I know. You cannot.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Molly, I'm...sorry you haven't seen much of Frances this week.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32They work her hard at the library there.
0:19:32 > 0:19:38Och. Tam, it's gied us the chance to get to know one another and that's a good thing, isn't it?
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Oh-oh! The dreaded bill.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42The bill, the bill, the bill.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46Och, Tam. Allow me.
0:19:46 > 0:19:47I will not allow you. Not at all.
0:19:47 > 0:19:48No.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Get this money oot of my pocket.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57That's a classic move.
0:19:57 > 0:20:01But here's one I don't think you'll have seen.
0:20:11 > 0:20:18# Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you
0:20:18 > 0:20:23# Happy birthday, dear Sandy
0:20:23 > 0:20:26# Happy birthday
0:20:26 > 0:20:29# To yo-o-ou! #
0:20:38 > 0:20:42PEOPLE APPLAUD 80, Sandy? Well, done, darlin'.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Let me attend tae ma bill now.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Let me attend tae that.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Oh, Tam.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Did you enjoy that wee song?
0:21:03 > 0:21:05No, it was the bill.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07It was beautiful!
0:21:07 > 0:21:10I've never had a freebie oot of this place before!
0:21:17 > 0:21:21We musta been up every bastardin' street in this town.
0:21:21 > 0:21:25I've chapped a' the skin aff ma knuckles. Should have brought a photo.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27That woulda done it. A wee town like this.
0:21:27 > 0:21:33That would've been the clever thing tae dae, but with us being a couple of daft auld pricks... Aye, daft.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Hello, ya couple of queer hawks! Winston!
0:21:35 > 0:21:38What in the name of Christ are you two doin' here?
0:21:38 > 0:21:41We're doon tae see you! You should have phoned!
0:21:41 > 0:21:45Aye, well, we woulda done if you'd given us the bloody number! Aye.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Came doon tae see if you're awright.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49What de ye mean, if I'm awright? Of course I'm awright!
0:21:49 > 0:21:51I'm in Finport!
0:21:51 > 0:21:52Welcome tae Finport!
0:21:57 > 0:21:59That'll be a cat stuck up a tree or something.
0:21:59 > 0:22:06Listen, it was really nice of youse tae come doon, you know, but, as you can see, I'm fine and dandy.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Aye.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12So, er...what is it you want to do?
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Just see ye and that. Get a cup of tea and that.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Have a look at yer digs.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Oh, aye, aye. Nae bother. We've...
0:22:18 > 0:22:20We've been a' roon aboot.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24There's not a lot to do, is there? What is it ye do all day here?
0:22:24 > 0:22:29Me? Oh, pshaw! I'm never done daein' stuff.
0:22:29 > 0:22:30A' day. Aye.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Every day. Like what? I'll tell you what to do.
0:22:33 > 0:22:38Come with me and I'll gie ye a day in the new life of Winston Ingram!
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Right, do you know what this is?
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Penny falls machine.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48Not quite, Victor. Nearly.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51This is a cash cascade.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53It's a licence tae print money.
0:22:53 > 0:22:58See this. It's a penny falls machine without an alarm. Oi, oi, oi.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07Aw, boo. Nothin' happens. Will those coins ever fall?
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Right, gentlemen.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Time to paint the town red.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22See, eh?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24You don't get this in Craiglang.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27No, you can get pneumonia in Craiglang, as well.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33So, er... So, you're settled then, eh? Here.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35What? Aye. Of course I am.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Couldnae be happier.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Well, that's youse. Oh, is that us?
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Aye.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44Oh, we never seen yer digs, eh?
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Oh, aye!
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Er... Next time, eh?
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Aye. We'll do that the next time.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Right, well,
0:23:53 > 0:23:55all the best. Goodbye, Jack.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Cheerio, Winston. Cheers, Victor. See youse later.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02WINSTON WHISTLES
0:24:10 > 0:24:13I'll just get you a tea for the bus, Molly.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16I'll come wi' ye, then! Don't be stupid. You've got the case.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18You stay and keep Molly company.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Righto.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23What's the matter, Tam?
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Do you no' want to be alone with me?
0:24:26 > 0:24:29That's the problem, see? I want to be alone wi' ye.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33Tonight, tomorrow night, for the rest of my life.
0:24:33 > 0:24:37Your tightfistedness drives me crazy, sweetheart.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40It gets me harder than the crossword in the Herald.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44But this weddin' band says we can never be.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46I'm married to yer sister, Molly.
0:24:46 > 0:24:50Any feelings I have for you ain't worth a hill of beans.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54Got ye a tin of sweeties an a', Molly. Thanks.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Now, you look after yourself.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Here's one last freebie for ye, Tam.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04TAM GROANS
0:25:11 > 0:25:16# You're the lady you're the lady that I love
0:25:16 > 0:25:19# I'm the lady, the lady who
0:25:19 > 0:25:23# You're the lady you're the lady that I love... #
0:25:28 > 0:25:30KNOCK ON DOOR
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Ye happy noo?
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Ye've seen it all.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59What the hell's happened here?
0:25:59 > 0:26:02The council telt me I was going to a new place, you know.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04I thought they meant a new house.
0:26:04 > 0:26:09Down at the beach. But...it wasnae. It was sheltered housing.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11Full of deadbeats.
0:26:11 > 0:26:15A wee red string tae pull in case ye've fell or shat yersel'.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17I blew up at them.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20Telt them to stick it up their arse.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Well, you obviously did the right thing there, eh?
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Cos this is the Savoy.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28I know what I've done. I've made a complete hoor of it.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33See, my problem is...
0:26:33 > 0:26:37I don't know when to admit I'm wrong.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41I came doon here thinking that I could start all over again,
0:26:41 > 0:26:44without anything, without anybody.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Just me. On ma tod.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50But ye cannae.
0:26:50 > 0:26:51Not at this age.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56As shite as Craiglang is,
0:26:56 > 0:26:59I miss it.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02I need it.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04I need the pub.
0:27:04 > 0:27:08Navid's. I need...youse two.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14What does it matter anyway, eh?
0:27:14 > 0:27:16I've burnt ma boats.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Have ye got a suitcase?
0:27:18 > 0:27:20I have, aye. How?
0:27:20 > 0:27:23Well, get it bloody packed. Yer comin' hame wi' us. Aye.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Where am I gonnae stay? Jack's. Victor's.
0:27:33 > 0:27:34Here, gimme a wee second, fellas.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44Get it right round ye, Finport!
0:27:48 > 0:27:50I'll take your case for you now, sir.
0:27:50 > 0:27:51Thanks, son.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Is that us in Finport?
0:28:30 > 0:28:32THEY ALL CHEER
0:28:36 > 0:28:39Lager, please...
0:28:39 > 0:28:45ya big lantern-jawed, bug-eyed, junkie-faced, bone-idle, dim-witted bastard, ye!
0:28:45 > 0:28:49What?! I've been away six weeks!