0:00:00 > 0:00:01'I enjoy my ain company.
0:00:01 > 0:00:05This programme contains adult humour
0:00:35 > 0:00:40VOICE ON TV: 'So for Glasgow and the surrounding areas, get set for another scorcher.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44'Temperatures set to soar into the 80s and no let-up as we head towards the weekend
0:00:44 > 0:00:49'when there is a distinct likelihood of temperatures reaching 90, which London enjoyed yesterday...'
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Shut up.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54FRONT DOOR OPENS
0:01:03 > 0:01:07What's the matter wi' you? You're walking as if you've shit yersel'.
0:01:07 > 0:01:11I'm taking my time, Jack. Pacing myself.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13No sudden movements.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16How's that?
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Well, according to this,
0:01:18 > 0:01:22we are in the midst of one of the most dangerous times for pensioners.
0:01:22 > 0:01:28"This heat wave could claim more lives than the sub-zero snap in January."
0:01:28 > 0:01:31It's a bastard, intit? What's that?
0:01:31 > 0:01:35People always says all pensioners do is complain about the weather
0:01:35 > 0:01:39but the truth is unless it's 55 degrees Fahrenheit on the button,
0:01:39 > 0:01:43the chances are you'll freeze to death or fry to buggery.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Aye, well, no me... It's lethal oot there.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Dropping like flies, they are.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Jesus, Jack. Steeping your feet?
0:01:53 > 0:01:55In this weather?
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Ah!
0:01:59 > 0:02:03What are we doing the day? It's no a question of what we're doing.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05It's aboot what we're avoiding doing.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Aye.
0:02:07 > 0:02:13Nae running aboot, nae hauling, no lifting, no cleaning, nae exertion.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Just a normal day, then? Pretty much, aye.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21Did you hear about Andy Carslaw? The bastard with the bastard dug?
0:02:21 > 0:02:23The very same.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25The one that bit Winston's shoe. Aye, what?
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Andy rolled up to the bookies yesterday in his car,
0:02:28 > 0:02:32left the dug in the back for two hours, never rolled the windae doon.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36When he came back oot, the dug was cooked through!
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Hot dog!
0:02:38 > 0:02:40I've aye hated that bastard. Aye.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45You want a cold drink? Bring it on, Jack.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Mmn. Tempting.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56I was thinking mair along the lines of lager.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Aye. Good call.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01A hop, a skip and a jump to the Clansman.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Oh, sweet, sweet fan!
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Work your magic.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11Come on, Navid. Gie's a shot. That's been a full five minutes.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Has it, buggery!
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Here, you. I'm sorry, Here You's not here today.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Can I help? I'm no payin' for them mini eggs.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Sell-by is good.
0:03:23 > 0:03:27Aye, but they're hot. Oh, Jesus. Hot mini eggs.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29You're off your nut. It's a hot day.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32You don't complain in December about your mini eggs being too cold!
0:03:32 > 0:03:35Aye, well, I'm not gaein ma wean hot mini eggs. It's your lucky day.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37It's too warm to argue with you.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41There you go. Do you know what you should do?
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Tell me. Do what they do in Kohli's.
0:03:44 > 0:03:48Put all your chocolate in a cooler cabinet. That's a great idea.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51We could put your methadone in there as well.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Keep it nice and chilled for the next time you're rattling.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Get out, you junkie bastard! Arsehole.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Whatever!
0:04:05 > 0:04:08The summer's finally here, Navid.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12Eh? You know, when the polis are in their summer uniform.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16They look that smart and well turned-oot. Aye.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20Post. Oh, aye, the summer uniform of the postie.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23So smart and well turned-out.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Oh, Isa. You've to sign for this.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Oh, aye. What's this?
0:04:27 > 0:04:33Bill, bill, bill, bill, bill...
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Well. That's that, then. What?
0:04:41 > 0:04:42Harry's deid.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Put yer back intae it.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48I'm bloody meltin'.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Arthur. ..Eric.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55There's Jack and Victor here, Bobby.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Two lager. Right!
0:04:57 > 0:04:59What are we doing out here?
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Cannae sit in the Clansman. It's like an oven. What?
0:05:02 > 0:05:06We were hopin for a bit of respite. It's bloody roastin' oot here.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07Jack, Victor...
0:05:07 > 0:05:11I meant to tell you, I met Isa in Navid's. That's Harry deid.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Oh.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17How is she? Not the slightest bit bothered.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Ach, she's well rid.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Aye. I don't mean to speak ill of the dead
0:05:21 > 0:05:24but he was a prick. That's bloody terrible, that.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26He WAS a prick.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29He gave her the life of a bloody dog. Aye.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31He'd been away for ages.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35They were divorced for years, anyhow. He'd only turn up and tap her money. Good luck to her.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Two lager.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Jesus, shirt aff, noo?
0:05:40 > 0:05:42It's Tarzan!
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Put it away, Boabby, you're like a deid body.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Thanks, Winston. Anybody else?
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Aye, I'll have a pop.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52You're like an albino on hunger strike.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54You're like Michael Jackson's cock.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Jesus, Boabby, that's bloody roasting!
0:06:00 > 0:06:04Aye. The cooler's no working. It's packed in.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08God almighty. That's bad that. Them weans messin' aboot wi' the hydrant.
0:06:08 > 0:06:13They're trying to get the lid off of that. Shut up.
0:06:13 > 0:06:18They're just weans. They're just playin', they've nowhere to go, nuthin' tae dae.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22It's dangerous, that. And it's no just that. The fire brigade'll be along in five minutes.
0:06:22 > 0:06:26You can be charged with that. Misappropriating a public service.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30They're up here trying to turn that aff while some hoose is burnin in another part of the city.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33For God's sake! I'm no puttin' up wi' that.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36I used to be in the Fire Brigade. I'm gonnie say something.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Eric, sit doon.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40This is murder.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43The city's nae place to be in this heat.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45You know what we should do the morra?
0:06:45 > 0:06:48Go to the park. Get a nice wee carry-oot. Aye.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Six ice cold tinnies in a poly bag!
0:06:50 > 0:06:54Ach, the park's aye mobbed. No, no, no, no, no.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58Not if you go down early enough. Get a nice wee spot. Spend the day.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Here, look at Eric!
0:07:07 > 0:07:11What is it, Navid? What is what? I can feel you watching me.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15What is it? I told you to go home and you're still here mopping.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18I don't need to go hame. I'm fine.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27I used to have an uncle. Ashir. I loved him dearly.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30I used to spend summers at his house.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34His wife died in the flood of '62.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37And you know, it didn't seem to affect him at all.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40He was still funny, telling stories.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Crazy. Just his usual self.
0:07:42 > 0:07:48Then one day, it must have been six months later,
0:07:48 > 0:07:51I kicked a jug of water over at his house.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54He went ape-shit with the grief.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Wept for two solid days.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Inconsolable.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01What happened to him?
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Once he had let the grief out, he was much better.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06He released it.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11A couple of years after that, he died.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14He was in the field and got bit by a snake.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18You have to let it out, Isa.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Don't bottle it up. Come here.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Let it go, Isa. The grief.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Come on. Come on.
0:08:31 > 0:08:36I know you are trying to be brave, Isa. But the existence of a person
0:08:36 > 0:08:38is like a serpent.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41It has a head and a tail,
0:08:41 > 0:08:45just like the serpent that took my poor Uncle Ash away from me.
0:08:48 > 0:08:52Ahhhh!
0:08:53 > 0:08:55I miss you so much, Ash!
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Why did you have to go?
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Why? Why?
0:09:10 > 0:09:13No much of a spot, this, eh?
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Nah, but it'll have to do.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Location, location, location.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Is this the best spot you can find? Have you found a better one?
0:09:28 > 0:09:34No. We've been marching about for half an hour. There's a fat bastard there with a whole bench to himself.
0:09:34 > 0:09:38Winston went for the sympathy vote and flashed his dummy leg. Got heehaw.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41We were doon here at 10am.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43You couldnae see the grass for arses.
0:09:43 > 0:09:4410's too late. Aye.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47That's the prime spot up there.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48It's got the view, it's got shade.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Right next to the snack bar, an' all.
0:09:51 > 0:09:52That's where you want to be.
0:09:52 > 0:09:57Well, come on, we'll got up there, then. We'll just mill about until somebody leaves.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Do you no think we've thought aboot that?
0:10:10 > 0:10:14Well, it reeks of piss and garbage but at least it's quiet.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18MOTOR STARTS
0:10:30 > 0:10:33The strange thing is, Harry's been gone a long time.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37Even though we were never going to get back together,
0:10:37 > 0:10:39I still felt...
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Och, you know... Attached?
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Aye. But not now.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47I feel as if I'm... I don't know.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Free. It's actually a good feeling.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51I know what you mean.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53That's you completely single now.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57Aye, that's it, Sheila. Completely single. Christ, at my age!
0:10:57 > 0:11:00This is a great age to be single.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03There's dances, outings... But I do all that anyway.
0:11:03 > 0:11:08Aye, but you'll be doing it with a different frame of mind now.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Oh, away, you! Oh, no.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14I couldnae see myself... No.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Betty Melville - what age is she?
0:11:17 > 0:11:20I don't know. She's 88.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Where is she now, do you imagine?
0:11:23 > 0:11:25She's no deid, is she? Far from it.
0:11:25 > 0:11:30She's in Santa Ponsa having a lovely time with a fella she met at the Parkmill swimming baths.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34Oh! Her man died when she was 50-odd.
0:11:34 > 0:11:3730 years she spent saying, "No for me.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39"That's all past me."
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Huh! Eighty-bloody-eight!
0:11:41 > 0:11:4388?
0:11:43 > 0:11:45And is she still, eh...
0:11:45 > 0:11:48you know, sex? No!
0:11:48 > 0:11:52Just companionship. It's nice that, ye know?
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Aye, that would be nice.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57There's a lot to be said for having a man on your arm.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59It can happen to you at any age.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01You just need to, eh...
0:12:01 > 0:12:04dust off your radar.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11What radar? YOUR radar.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Oh, my!
0:12:19 > 0:12:23I've no had ma breakfast. I cannae operate without ma breakfast.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Makes me grouchy. What time is it?
0:12:26 > 0:12:27Five past eight.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30What time do you call this, ye arsehole?
0:12:30 > 0:12:33You've got us stannin' here like a couple of wankers! Jack!
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Excuse my friend, he's no had his rice crispies yet.
0:12:36 > 0:12:40You get the bench. I'll try to organise a couple of rolls and sausage.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43Focus, Jack. Come here.
0:12:43 > 0:12:44We'll worry aboot food later.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47The zombies are gatherin' behind us.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49There no comin' here to feed ducks.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51They're in for that bench. C'mon. hurry up.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Easy, there.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Look at this yin! I think you've dropped your wallet there, sir.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Bastards!
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Lousy bastards! How have you done that?
0:13:13 > 0:13:17We just went into the shop, gave the man ?2 and he gave us two rolls and sausage.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20No the rolls! The seat! Oh, the seat.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22Just got here early, ye see.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26Wait a minute. The parkie took the padlock off that gate when he let us in.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30That gate? Oh, what is it we call that gate, Tam?
0:13:30 > 0:13:35Losers' Gate. Aye, it's generally just for dafties, that gate.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Face it, boys. You haven't really thought this through.
0:13:37 > 0:13:42Shut up, there's nothing to think through. You must have come in the Galloway Street gate.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44He must open that one first.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Does he? Shut up. It's no rocket science.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50See the morra? We'll be sitting on that bench.
0:13:50 > 0:13:55You'll no be at any bench today if you stan' there like a couple of whingeing women bumpin' your gums.
0:13:55 > 0:13:56Oh!
0:14:06 > 0:14:07Get off!
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Right. Galloway Street.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16First thing tomorrow morning.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Aye, first thing.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22So I was thinking aboot what you said in the cafe the other day, Sheila.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26Right enough, I'm no that old that I wouldnae enjoy a bit of company.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29That's what you miss, intit?
0:14:29 > 0:14:32A nice gab, somebody to talk to, somebody to have a laugh wi'.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Somebody that's on your ain wavelength, know what I mean?
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Aye. A good listener, Sheila.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Harry was never one for listening.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42I like to gab. You know I'm gabby.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Aye, Isa.
0:14:44 > 0:14:45That's the thing.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49A lot of men at the beginning like to do the talking.
0:14:49 > 0:14:53It's no every fella that appreciates that gabbyness.
0:14:53 > 0:14:54I'm no sayin'...
0:14:54 > 0:14:57No, no. I hear what you're saying.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01That would maybe scare a fella off, that, you know? Aye.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04And if you don't mind me sayin', hen.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08The cardigan. It's no really summery, is it?
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Oh, right enough, aye. I never really...
0:15:11 > 0:15:15gie it a thought when I put it on this morning.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18Here comes Billy Young. He's nice. C'mon, we'll talk to him.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Wait a minute, Sheila... Sssh.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Hello, Billy. Enjoying the weather?
0:15:23 > 0:15:26It's too hot, Sheila.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31Who's this? This is ma pal, Isa. Hello, Isa.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Isa lives in Craiglang.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39Craiglang, aye. I used to love Craiglang.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Of course it's changed a lot now, hasn't it?
0:15:42 > 0:15:46What was the name of that pub? I used to go in there often.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49The Clachan, was that it?
0:15:49 > 0:15:51No. No the Clachan.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Was it like the Clachan?
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Clansman?
0:16:01 > 0:16:07Well, I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'm going along to the Pavilion, sit and get a nice cold drink.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11That sounds nice, Isa.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15Do you want to take a walk down, Sheila? Um...
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Aye. That would be lovely.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Is that all right, Isa?
0:16:23 > 0:16:25That's a sin. Is yer pal no right?
0:16:31 > 0:16:33What time is it?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Twenty-five to eight.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39This is strange. How?
0:16:39 > 0:16:43Well, if this is the gate that Tam and Winston have been using, where are they?
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Aye, right enough. Maybe they're no coming today. What else would they be daein?
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Is that other gate opened yet?
0:16:49 > 0:16:53Nup. No yet. So this is the first gate you've opened? Aye, how?
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Nae reason. Oot the way.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00Well, they couldnae accuse us of no being organised.
0:17:00 > 0:17:06Big flask of tea, sandwiches, radio. And a couple of big macaroon bars for three o'clock.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Aye, you're well sorted.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11All you're needin now is the number one bench!
0:17:11 > 0:17:14You one-legged fat bastard!
0:17:14 > 0:17:17How in God's name did you...?
0:17:17 > 0:17:18Look, Jack, quick!
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Too late!
0:17:32 > 0:17:36Don't start wi' the stick or I'll take it aff ye and jam it up your arse!
0:17:37 > 0:17:41This is all right. Aye, this'll do us.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Could be daein with a wee bit mair shade, but.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Aye, well, we're here to soak up the rays.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52"Number one bench"! Lot of garbage.
0:17:52 > 0:17:53Aye, it's a lot of garbage.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56A bench is a bench is a bench.
0:17:56 > 0:17:57You said it, boy.
0:18:06 > 0:18:07I need tae sit doon.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09It'll no be long noo.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12I've been standing for 20 minutes. I don't feel well noo.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16It's just cos you're thirsty. We'll get you a drink in a wee minute.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Nuh, I need tae sit doon.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20I can feel the sweat runnin' doon the crack of my arse.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Wait a minute, Charlie, the queue's movin.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Shut up. I'm sittin doon.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Right, you two - budge.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Wait a minute, there's really only room for, eh...
0:18:30 > 0:18:31Right.
0:18:35 > 0:18:36Another cracking day, boys.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39It was indeed, Eric. Where were you?
0:18:39 > 0:18:41I had a good yin. I put the tranny on,
0:18:41 > 0:18:45filled the bath up with cold water and lay on ma back all day.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Magic!
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Sounds nice. You gotta keep cool in this weather like this.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53That's the beauty of that spot we've got.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Best of both worlds.
0:18:55 > 0:19:00Mr Sun comes up over there, and then sets way over there.
0:19:00 > 0:19:05Got it all day. But you're under a tree, you see, and that lets in just enough sunlight.
0:19:05 > 0:19:11And when you're getting just that wee bit too hot, a lovely breeze comes along and cools ye right doon.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Honestly, Eric. It's nature's wee miracle.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16That's the only seat that gets it, too.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19Everybody else is, well...
0:19:19 > 0:19:21burning, aren't they?
0:19:21 > 0:19:22That right, boys?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26That's right. Aye.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29MUSIC PLAYS Are ye no dancing, Isa?
0:19:29 > 0:19:32No, away youse go.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34All right, then.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45Are you picking that up on your radar?
0:19:45 > 0:19:46I certainly am.
0:20:07 > 0:20:12I've walked all the way round the park. Apart from the front gate and the Galloway gate,
0:20:12 > 0:20:15this is it, there's no even a hole in the fence.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17This MUST be it, then.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20VEHICLE ENGINE
0:20:20 > 0:20:22HORN TOOTS
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Can I help you? Just comin' in, son.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39No in here, you're no. Employees only.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42This is the service gate.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47How the bloody hell are they getting in?
0:20:47 > 0:20:48They must have a tunnel.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Thanks again, Craig.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Oh, Jesus! Yes?
0:21:04 > 0:21:07Money back. What the hell is it now?
0:21:07 > 0:21:09You're haunting me, woman! I did what you asked!
0:21:09 > 0:21:12I put all the chocolates in the fridge, just like you said.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27HE OPENS TILL AND REMOVES MONEY
0:21:31 > 0:21:33That's me, Navid.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35You never told me.
0:21:35 > 0:21:39How did you get on at the dancing? Did you meet the man of your dreams?
0:21:39 > 0:21:42No. I'm just no cut out for it, Navid.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Sheila and Elsie didnae seem to have a problem, though.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Is that who you went with? Aye.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51There's your problem. I'm no wi you. It's all about perception.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54They're bubbly, gregarious, attractive women.
0:21:54 > 0:21:59You are like a novice. You have to stack the odds in your favour.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03How do you mean? It's who's WITH you that's the problem.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05You need to get an ugly pal.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09A hound. Then next to her, you'll look like Cameron Diaz.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Oh, no! What a horrible way to go about things!
0:22:12 > 0:22:16To do that to another person!
0:22:16 > 0:22:18That's just like using somebody!
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Oh, no. No, no.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Thanks, son.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30As I live and breathe, John MacLaughlin!
0:22:30 > 0:22:33The very same! How are you, Edith, darlin'?
0:22:33 > 0:22:36I cannae remember the last time I saw you!
0:22:36 > 0:22:39I can, and neither of us had any drawers on!
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Thanks, Isa.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Aye. Magic!
0:22:50 > 0:22:52I'll, eh... I'll...
0:22:57 > 0:22:59This is magic, intit?
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Aye. I love sticking it to thae two old bastards.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05D'you think they've gied up yet? Oh, aye.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07There's your pals there!
0:23:13 > 0:23:16Jesus, that's them. Hurry up!
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Come on!
0:23:24 > 0:23:29What now? Jump ower. Who do you think I am, bloody Steve Austin?!
0:23:29 > 0:23:33We havnae thought this through. Go further up and I'll lower ye doon.
0:23:33 > 0:23:37YOU come up the ladder and I'LL come doon! Will you go further up till I lower you doon?!
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Right, Jack, easy now.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Easy now, that's you...
0:23:55 > 0:23:57That's you...
0:23:58 > 0:24:01That's you. Easy... Easy!
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Oh! Ah!
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Ah! Jack?!
0:24:09 > 0:24:12Hurry up, ya silly bastard! We're runnin oot of time!
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Right, get off my back!
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Oooh!
0:24:19 > 0:24:21SNAP!
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Ooh! You All right?
0:24:27 > 0:24:30HE GASPS: Fine, throw the bag! Throw the bag.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Right, aye.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Ooh! Victor...go and get the seat!
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Go and get the seat!
0:24:55 > 0:24:57..Oh, oh!
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Oh! Victor!
0:25:10 > 0:25:14'Face it, Isa, You're never gonnie meet anybody.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17'You don't need to meet anybody.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20'I enjoy my ain company.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23'Trying to meet a fella at my age!
0:25:23 > 0:25:25'It's undignified.'
0:25:28 > 0:25:33Huh! The only time you get a seat in this bloody park, when they're shutting it!
0:25:33 > 0:25:37Get a wee read of ma paper then get up the road for ma dinner.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41Are you local? Just over there in they flats.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44Oh, aye. Aye, they flats are nice.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47I'm Isa.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Hello.
0:25:50 > 0:25:51I love the park.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53So beautiful.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56You appreciate a thing like a park at oor age, don't you?
0:26:02 > 0:26:06I'm gonnie take a walk round the Pavillion Palace.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08You want to come wi' me?
0:26:08 > 0:26:10That'd be smashin'.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Just let me finish up here...
0:26:12 > 0:26:16Oh, you dirty, filthy bastard, you!
0:26:23 > 0:26:25Oh! Oh!
0:26:27 > 0:26:29Jesus!
0:26:29 > 0:26:32What time is it?
0:26:32 > 0:26:346:45am.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38We done it, Jack, we beat them!
0:26:40 > 0:26:43Oh, boy!
0:26:43 > 0:26:45That is beautiful.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49Oh, the number one bench, eh? This'll do us,
0:26:49 > 0:26:51this is where we belong.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Okey-dokey.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Can I offer you some breakfast, sir?
0:26:57 > 0:27:00Avec pleasure. There you are.
0:27:04 > 0:27:08Is that clouds? Eh?
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Do you want to leave?
0:27:13 > 0:27:17Not...on your...nelly!
0:27:17 > 0:27:20THEY BOTH SHIVER
0:27:49 > 0:27:52So after Harry died, I thought,
0:27:52 > 0:27:57"What's holdin me back? Why couldn't I meet somebody else?
0:27:57 > 0:27:59"Why shouldn't I meet somebody else?"
0:27:59 > 0:28:01Quite right. What age are you?
0:28:01 > 0:28:07Here, you...! Well, I don't mind telling you, I'm no spring chicken, I'm not long off retiring.
0:28:07 > 0:28:12But I see you're wearing a wedding ring. All the good ones are taken.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15I'm sure you'll meet somebody nice.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17Anyhow, shall we...?
0:28:17 > 0:28:19Aye...
0:28:21 > 0:28:24Which one do you think it is?
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Number four.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Dirty pig!