0:00:08 > 0:00:10Well, Leroy, what do you see?
0:00:10 > 0:00:15You, rubbing your hands together like some old money grabber.
0:00:15 > 0:00:18Less of the "old".
0:00:18 > 0:00:19Anyway, rubbing your hands together
0:00:19 > 0:00:24is a grocer's ancient spiritual practice.
0:00:24 > 0:00:25Spiritual?
0:00:25 > 0:00:29Yes, it's the small shopkeeper's form of yoga.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32I learnt that from the "ma-ma-ma" master.
0:00:32 > 0:00:36You know, there are some experts who can rub their way
0:00:36 > 0:00:40to a transcendental state of pure avarice.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42Ooh!
0:00:42 > 0:00:45- Don't you have to sit cross-legged? - Mm?- Mm?
0:00:45 > 0:00:46Oh, yes, sometimes -
0:00:46 > 0:00:48as long as you're not near the bacon slicer.
0:01:08 > 0:01:09HE SNIFFS
0:01:19 > 0:01:20Wait for it, will you?
0:01:20 > 0:01:22BELL CHIMES
0:01:22 > 0:01:23Oh!
0:01:23 > 0:01:25You're early, Mr Newbold.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29Oh, you have to be, if you want to get here on your own,
0:01:29 > 0:01:31unaccompanied...
0:01:31 > 0:01:33- free.- Heh!
0:01:33 > 0:01:35How is Mrs Featherstone?
0:01:35 > 0:01:36Relentless.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Oh, dear.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Yes, anyway, er, would you excuse us for just a moment, sir?
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Come here, you.
0:01:43 > 0:01:47- Take your time, I'm enjoying the lack of companionship.- Yes.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51Now, listen, what is your opinion of Mrs Featherstone?
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Frightening.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54Mm, yes, agreed.
0:01:54 > 0:01:59But don't you think that she'd make a perfect partner for Mr Newbold?
0:01:59 > 0:02:00Why do you care?
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Well, because whenever Mrs Featherstone
0:02:02 > 0:02:06hasn't got a man in tow, she looks hungrily at me.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Ah!
0:02:08 > 0:02:12May I be the first to wish you both every happiness?
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Thank you.
0:02:14 > 0:02:15Oh! Jeez.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Now, what can I help you with, er, Mr Newbold?
0:02:21 > 0:02:23I think I'm beyond help.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Oh, really? We've got some nice kippers.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27She doesn't like kippers.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31- What about you?- Oh, she likes me, that's the problem.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33You lucky devil.
0:02:33 > 0:02:38I have seen men crawling across that doorway on their hands and knees
0:02:38 > 0:02:42broken in spirit because she has rejected them.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44I missed that. Must've been out.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Well, if one comes in again, broken in spirit,
0:02:48 > 0:02:51ask him how he managed it.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Now, Mr Newbold, don't be hasty,
0:02:53 > 0:02:57I know that she no longer is a professional wrestler...
0:02:57 > 0:02:58What?
0:02:59 > 0:03:02She no longer wrestles professionally -
0:03:02 > 0:03:04but she would keep you safe, Mr Newbold.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07A sound woman in so many ways.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Mostly in my way.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12Yeah, well, she runs a neat ship - housekeeper of the year 2004,
0:03:12 > 0:03:15her place is spotless.
0:03:15 > 0:03:16No wonder.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18She's never in it - she's always in mine.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Oh! Mr Newbold, kippers...
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Your... I've got some very nice...
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Damn.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28"No longer wrestles professionally"?
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Hmm? You get worse, you do.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33Oh...
0:03:33 > 0:03:35He got away.
0:03:39 > 0:03:40BELL CHIMES
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Delivery.
0:03:43 > 0:03:44Where do you want it?
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Oh, just drop it here.
0:03:46 > 0:03:47CRASH
0:03:50 > 0:03:51One item. Sign here.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55Can we accept the possibility that the contents might be damaged?
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Why should they be damaged?
0:03:57 > 0:03:58Guess.
0:03:58 > 0:03:59- You want me to lift it?- Mm.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01With my back? A thing that size?!
0:04:01 > 0:04:02HE LAUGHS
0:04:02 > 0:04:04No.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06- I shall sign it unexamined, hmm?- Mm.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12You don't walk like you've got a bad back.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14I fight through the pain, don't I?
0:04:14 > 0:04:15Until it gets too much for me.
0:04:18 > 0:04:19Agh...!
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Hullo! What's this, then?
0:04:30 > 0:04:32It's your lucky dip.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34It's that mystery lot you bought, sight unseen.
0:04:34 > 0:04:39Guaranteed to contain items worth more than I paid for it.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43You know, that Madge...
0:04:43 > 0:04:47she desperately need the comfort of a man in her life.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Well, there's Gastric.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51He could be a comfort in your life,
0:04:51 > 0:04:53- providing you've got a tail you can wag.- Mm.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56I think Madge has got a tail...
0:04:56 > 0:04:58and it's forked.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03He's no experience with women.
0:05:03 > 0:05:04He was married.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06She left him on their honeymoon.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Not till midweek.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15He's a warm-hearted, decent human being -
0:05:15 > 0:05:16internally.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19The outside needs a bit of work.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Well, who else is good-hearted enough -
0:05:22 > 0:05:25or should I say, daft enough - to tackle her?
0:05:26 > 0:05:31I was thinking that I might organise the four of us on a...on a date.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34- You're not getting me out on a...! - No, not you!
0:05:34 > 0:05:35Not you and me.
0:05:35 > 0:05:36- What...?!- No!
0:05:38 > 0:05:41I meant me and Mavis and Gastric and Madge.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43- Oh!- Mm.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Madge'll never go for that.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47But what if it were a blind date
0:05:47 > 0:05:49and she wouldn't know who were coming?
0:05:49 > 0:05:51- Oh!- Mm!
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Now, that is sneaky.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57Just one of the weapons in a small shopkeeper's armoury.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59HE CHUCKLES Eh?
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Oh...
0:06:08 > 0:06:10I've been up half the night with...
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Gastric, you're just the man.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14..an upset stomach.
0:06:14 > 0:06:15I must've eaten something.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Eaten something?! You eat everything.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Rubbish.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Oh, we have that for lunch.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Right, now...
0:06:24 > 0:06:26I want you to blow in that,
0:06:26 > 0:06:29blow it up and then pinch it by the neck.
0:06:29 > 0:06:30Could I ask what for?
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Look, save your breath for blowing.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Just, er, blow it up - just do it.
0:06:52 > 0:06:53- Ugh...- Good. Right.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55What's all this about?
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Yeah, I was wondering that.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58Ah, thank you.
0:06:58 > 0:06:59Diagnosis.
0:06:59 > 0:07:04We're going to find out what is wrong with Gastric's digestive system.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07With a balloon?
0:07:07 > 0:07:09This is more than a balloon now, ain't it?
0:07:09 > 0:07:11It's got you inside it.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13It's got all your molecules, your DNA -
0:07:13 > 0:07:17it can even tell what you had for supper last night,
0:07:17 > 0:07:20all we've got to do is to listen to it.
0:07:20 > 0:07:21Listen to what?
0:07:21 > 0:07:24To you coming out of the balloon.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29You don't want to be trapped in there all day, do you?
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Now, wait a minute...
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Don't fight it, Gastric.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36It's bigger than the both of us.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Look, just-just be quiet, will you?
0:07:39 > 0:07:43Listen to what it tells us about Gastric.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45What can a balloon tell us about me?
0:07:45 > 0:07:46Everything!
0:07:46 > 0:07:48The ancient Egyptians,
0:07:48 > 0:07:52they built their entire medical knowledge on this sort of thing.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54The ancient Egyptians had balloons?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Mainly for, er, birthdays and stag nights.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04No, they did not -
0:08:04 > 0:08:07they had bladders of goats and of camels, right?
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Now, unless you want to wait for a camel to come through here,
0:08:10 > 0:08:12can we get on?
0:08:12 > 0:08:13Go on, I'll give it a go.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Right, quiet please.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17It takes concentration, this.
0:08:21 > 0:08:22BALLOON SQUEAKS
0:08:28 > 0:08:30HE MIMICS SQUEAKING
0:08:34 > 0:08:36BALLOON SQUEAKS
0:08:36 > 0:08:37PFFFRT
0:08:40 > 0:08:43You heard that? Obvious, ain't it, eh?
0:08:43 > 0:08:44You're lovesick.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50- Lovesick?- Mm-hm.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52It's a stomach problem.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Yes, well, that's where the deepest love lies, doesn't it?
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Right down there in the...in the belly.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00I mean, who said that?
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Probably William Shakespeare.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Or was it Mr Arnold Smethwick of Wolverhampton?
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Who am I supposed to be in love with?
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Well, it's obvious - it was Madge, wasn't it?
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Didn't you hear it? Didn't you hear the balloon?
0:09:12 > 0:09:16When it went like that, it went, "Maaaaadge!"
0:09:21 > 0:09:25I've sent Gastric home to get his best suit on.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28I want him looking sharp for his date tonight.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30You think Madge will turn up?
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Oh, yes, Madge will turn up -
0:09:32 > 0:09:35even if it's only just to annoy me and Mavis.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Till she sees Gastric.
0:09:40 > 0:09:45Supposing we hit her with a more sophisticated, suave -
0:09:45 > 0:09:49dare I say, elegant - Gastric, eh? Mm...
0:09:49 > 0:09:53Cos you know that ladies like surprises, don't they?
0:09:53 > 0:09:56I wouldn't dare.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Right, what have we got here?
0:09:58 > 0:10:01The Pyongyang Cosmetic Company?
0:10:03 > 0:10:06What the heck have you bought?
0:10:06 > 0:10:10"North Korea's first venture into the beauty industry."
0:10:11 > 0:10:17"352 tubes of invisible lip salve for chapped lips...
0:10:17 > 0:10:19"in three flavours."
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Yeah, well, that's good - choice, choice, three...
0:10:21 > 0:10:23what are the flavours?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25"Peasant flags unfurling"...
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Yes, yes, good.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31"Death to capitalism"...
0:10:33 > 0:10:35..and "the east is cerise".
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Well, that's catchy. HE CHUCKLES
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Well, forget the flavours and concentrate on the product, hey?
0:10:42 > 0:10:46It's not winter. Who gets chapped lips?
0:10:46 > 0:10:51Well, we don't need to say that they are FOR chapped lips, do we?
0:10:51 > 0:10:53- For what, then?- Mm...
0:10:55 > 0:10:57We'll think of something.
0:11:16 > 0:11:17Wait!
0:11:21 > 0:11:23What do I need with bullets?
0:11:23 > 0:11:25It's not a bullet.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27It's a love charm from North Korea.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Who told you that twaddle?!
0:11:29 > 0:11:31At the shop.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Listen, whatever your name is...
0:11:33 > 0:11:34Call me Mick.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Take it back to North Korea.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Take it personally and ask for a refund.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42You've forgotten the magic, haven't you?
0:11:42 > 0:11:44That...
0:11:44 > 0:11:45That thing we had.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48I squeezed your boil.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51If ever I got another one, I swore I'd be back.
0:11:51 > 0:11:52I've retired -
0:11:52 > 0:11:58from nursing, from boils and especially from dozy men.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Well, at least take the flowers.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03What am I going to do with the flowers?
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Don't tempt me.
0:12:10 > 0:12:11Yes.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13It's coming.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15The new image is coming.
0:12:15 > 0:12:16GASTRIC CHUCKLES
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Some way still to go.
0:12:18 > 0:12:22Yes, yes...but, er, you know, you're given top marks for trying.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25The man is looking tastier, isn't he?
0:12:25 > 0:12:29Gorgeous - even charismatic wouldn't be going too far.
0:12:29 > 0:12:30Oh, you think?
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Tell him, Leroy.
0:12:32 > 0:12:33Well, I think it's a good suit.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36It must be - look how long he's made it last.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Oh, they don't make 'em like this any more.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42No! Thank goodness, no.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Well, who's he when he's at home?
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Remind me. How did you meet him?
0:12:49 > 0:12:52I've told you - he says I once squeezed his boil.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Oh, that's one boy-meets-girl story
0:12:54 > 0:12:57that's never going to be made into a film.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59I can't think what's got into him.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01It's called romance.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03You're a big tulip, our Mavis.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05It makes the world go round.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07It's all right when you're 16,
0:13:07 > 0:13:10but who wants a man round your neck at our age?
0:13:15 > 0:13:19And where's Mr Newbold been hiding, then? Before you spotted him.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Just around the corner, would you believe?
0:13:21 > 0:13:24He was there, all alone, and nobody said a word.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26He still looks lonely.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29I bet he's known tragedy in his life.
0:13:29 > 0:13:30If he hasn't, he soon will.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37I shall be glad to get out of this suit.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39You'll be cooler when the sun goes down.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42I shall be cool enough with that Madge.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44She'd freeze anybody!
0:13:44 > 0:13:45No, no, no, no -
0:13:45 > 0:13:47the balloon, think of the balloon.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49The balloon is never wrong.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Deep down inside you, you want this woman.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56You want to lift her up and you want to carry her away.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58It's the Tarzan thing.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00"Carry her away"! Where to?
0:14:00 > 0:14:04To where all lovers want to go - to paradise,
0:14:04 > 0:14:09to that little den that you have, you know, tucked away for her.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13I used to rent this static caravan at Hornsea.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Do you want a choc ice?
0:14:20 > 0:14:24Oh, I'd sooner have a cornet - with a great big lickable lump.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27We'll, that's you all over, ain't it, Gastric?
0:14:27 > 0:14:28Heh-heh-heh, hey?
0:14:28 > 0:14:30You're a great big lickable lump.
0:14:30 > 0:14:31HE CHUCKLES
0:14:31 > 0:14:36That is the image that we want to give to Madge, ain't it, eh?
0:14:38 > 0:14:39Ohh!
0:14:39 > 0:14:41There we go.
0:14:41 > 0:14:42Oh-ho, ho!
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Don't get it down your suit.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Oh, are you saying I'm a messy eater?
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Only when you're eating.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Because I want you looking your best for Madge tonight.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- Well, I've given it all I've got. - Yes. Hah!
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Looks like your dog's been giving it all he's got -
0:14:56 > 0:14:59look at you, you're covered in dog hairs, look.
0:14:59 > 0:15:00Oh, that.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03I'm always covered in dogs' hairs.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05We have the solution - we have the solution.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08This little monster here will soon sort you out.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12You know, this is a combined vacuum cleaner and hairdryer
0:15:12 > 0:15:15which means it sucks as well as it blows.
0:15:15 > 0:15:16HE CHUCKLES
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Right, so...
0:15:18 > 0:15:20IT WHIRS Ah! Here we go.
0:15:21 > 0:15:22Oh!
0:15:22 > 0:15:25Hey, hey, look at that! That's working.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26Hey, hey, hey...
0:15:26 > 0:15:28SQUELCH Hey! Oh!
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Oh, hey!
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Have you seen the power of this thing?!
0:15:47 > 0:15:48Oh, heck.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53I can't go on a date like this.
0:15:53 > 0:15:54I'll have to cancel.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57No, no, not so fast.
0:15:57 > 0:16:02You can't cancel. No, er...
0:16:03 > 0:16:06You'll wait until you've had the benefit
0:16:06 > 0:16:11of the, er...Arkwright washing and pressing service.
0:16:11 > 0:16:12How long we had one of those?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14For years.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17We just didn't realise we had the equipment for it.
0:16:18 > 0:16:19WATER GUSHES
0:16:21 > 0:16:22Is Gastric in there?
0:16:22 > 0:16:25- Yeah.- Lock him in, lock him in.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27'Oi, hey, oi!'
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Well, that's it, see?
0:16:30 > 0:16:34Gastric oughtn't to see this professional bit.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44You see, to the layman it might look like we're mishandling his suit.
0:16:50 > 0:16:51Yeah.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Yeah, I can see that.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Here you are - c'mon, your turn. Keep it going.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58That's it, go on.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Well, put your back into it, you...
0:17:02 > 0:17:04Ha-hey, go on.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11But we haven't got chapped lips.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13They've not had that much wear and tear.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17No, but chapped lips in North Korean
0:17:17 > 0:17:22is loosely translated as "kiss me" lips.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Can you see blokes wearing this stuff?
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Giving it a quick touch up when they pass a mirror?
0:17:26 > 0:17:30They'll soon start getting fidgety at the darts club.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34No, no, no, it's invisible - people don't know you're wearing it.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36What are you saying it does, exactly?
0:17:36 > 0:17:37Or even roughly?
0:17:39 > 0:17:40Listen, you've got to open your minds.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43I'm open-minded.
0:17:43 > 0:17:44I like Chinese food.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49I like to think I'm free of any prejudice.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52Except for people from Warrington...
0:17:52 > 0:17:55which I think is understandable.
0:17:55 > 0:17:56Mm, yeah.
0:17:56 > 0:18:01This stuff was working its magic before there even was a Warrington.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04I'm inclined to like it already.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06I don't know how it works,
0:18:06 > 0:18:11but this powerful lotion tends to draw people to your lips.
0:18:11 > 0:18:12I wouldn't want to be wearing it
0:18:12 > 0:18:15when I pass that bloke at the Post Office.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Could we narrow it down a bit?
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Yes - people of the opposite sex.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Oh, you're moving into my sphere of interest, now.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26This attracts people that you're close to.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30You apply it on your lips, and as soon as you have,
0:18:30 > 0:18:33your nearest and dearest will start to pucker.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35She'll go...
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Give over!
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Hey, get real.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10Stop acting like a pair of local yokels, you two.
0:19:10 > 0:19:15There's a thousand years of oriental magic behind this stuff.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18They have some funny ideas, it's true.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Well, as far as I can see, it's the same idea as us -
0:19:21 > 0:19:23they just go about it in a funnier way.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26You see, they were skilled in the arts of love
0:19:26 > 0:19:28when we were still painting by numbers.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31Aye, and some of us still are.
0:19:31 > 0:19:37But that will change once your partner finds that she can't resist.
0:19:43 > 0:19:44I'll try one.
0:19:44 > 0:19:45You must be barmy.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Ah, go on, then, make it two.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Ugh...
0:20:05 > 0:20:06We'll never get it dry enough!
0:20:06 > 0:20:08They managed in the old days.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Oh - and what about pressing?
0:20:10 > 0:20:11That's been arranged.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13You're doing it.
0:20:13 > 0:20:17I only do a bit of ironing - normal laundry.
0:20:17 > 0:20:21Well, now's your chance to move up to the next level, ain't it?
0:20:21 > 0:20:22Does that come with more money?
0:20:22 > 0:20:25You see, Leroy, you've got to look at it this way -
0:20:25 > 0:20:28one day all of this, and that, will be yours.
0:20:28 > 0:20:33So, by not giving you a raise I am building up your nest egg.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37So, technically, you could say that I am working for you.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Oh!
0:20:40 > 0:20:43All right, then - but don't expect a raise.
0:20:43 > 0:20:44Oh, no.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46- SHOUTING:- Is my suit ready yet?
0:20:46 > 0:20:48No, no, no - give us a chance, will you?
0:20:50 > 0:20:52This is never going to get the water out.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56Well, we need more intelligent use of what's available.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12You know, I never did get to finish that ice cream.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15- Oh, go on - help yourself.- Oh!
0:21:16 > 0:21:18'What's the matter with them all?!
0:21:18 > 0:21:20'Something's going on.'
0:21:20 > 0:21:21I don't know what...
0:21:23 > 0:21:24I passed Cyril in the street -
0:21:24 > 0:21:27he looked like his lips were going wild.
0:21:27 > 0:21:28Well, now, that's funny,
0:21:28 > 0:21:32because I've just seen Eric and he was pushing his lips about.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35I thought, "I hope you're not aiming those at me."
0:21:35 > 0:21:38- They look like they've been sucking a lemon.- Yes, but why?
0:21:38 > 0:21:41And not the same lemon, one would hope.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- There's some very strange things going on in this neighbourhood.- Mm!
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Sharing a lemon...
0:21:46 > 0:21:49not the sort of thing you should be seen doing in the street.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Ladies, what is your pleasure?
0:21:52 > 0:21:56Oh, well, thank you for asking, Granville...
0:21:56 > 0:21:59but I think I'll do me shopping first.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06Now, Granville, if Mr Newbold comes in here on his own,
0:22:06 > 0:22:08turn him round and send him home.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10I can't do that!
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Of course he can't do that.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15I don't like him spending unsupervised.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18I promised his mother I'd look after him.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20You never knew his mother.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Well, I would've promised, had we met.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24BELL CHIMES
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Oh, good day, ladies. Sugar, Granville.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29I'll get it, I know where it is.
0:22:31 > 0:22:32SHE SCREAMS
0:22:34 > 0:22:35Oh...
0:22:42 > 0:22:43He wanted an ice cream.
0:22:46 > 0:22:47Well, he looks cool enough to me.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Are you all right, love?
0:22:51 > 0:22:53I hope you only got a brief glimpse.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Now, in situations like this,
0:22:55 > 0:22:57I always think it's best to look them straight in the eye.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59I'm sorry for losing it,
0:22:59 > 0:23:02but you don't see many of those on your baking shelf.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05You just caught him between trousers.
0:23:05 > 0:23:06I never touched him!
0:23:07 > 0:23:11That was always my policy - unless there was a medical reason.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Don't worry, he'll be fully clad within the hour.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Oh, I'm pleased to hear it -
0:23:16 > 0:23:19I was worried you might be keeping him for display purposes.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22I'm sure there'd be little demand for what he were advertising.
0:23:26 > 0:23:27Now...
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Oh!
0:23:29 > 0:23:30HE COUGHS
0:23:32 > 0:23:33Ooh-ah!
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Ah-ah...
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Ooh, ha, ah-ah-ah-ah!
0:23:37 > 0:23:38- Ooh!- Ooh, ooh!
0:23:38 > 0:23:39Agh!
0:23:41 > 0:23:43How am I meant to press this?
0:23:43 > 0:23:44Perfectly.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46And get a move on -
0:23:46 > 0:23:51I've got to keep Gastric away from this suit until it is presentable.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53He's going to be away a long time.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55BELL CHIMES
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Where's Gastric?
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Er, we're keeping him in the privy.
0:24:01 > 0:24:02Is that legal?
0:24:02 > 0:24:05No, not forever - it's just until his suit's ready,
0:24:05 > 0:24:08he tends to excite the ladies.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10It's not working with Madge.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12She's still coming tonight, though?
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Yes - to keep an eye on you and me.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17Oh, right, well, it's a start.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20I mean, you know, if she likes going out in a foursome.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22I wouldn't exactly say "likes",
0:24:22 > 0:24:25but she thinks it's better than you and me going off on our own.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Where does she get these attitudes from?
0:24:28 > 0:24:32She's not wanted for war crimes anywhere, is she?
0:24:32 > 0:24:33Nobody's perfect.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35No.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Well, anyway, it's progress.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39I thought she might back out entirely
0:24:39 > 0:24:41when she knew her date was Gastric.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45Ah, well, yes - did I actually tell her?
0:24:45 > 0:24:49I intended to, but...I got busy - you know how it is.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53I like your eyes.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Oh, they're just eyes.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Not from this side.
0:24:57 > 0:24:58THEY CHUCKLE
0:25:02 > 0:25:04BELL CHIMES
0:25:09 > 0:25:10Is it ready?
0:25:10 > 0:25:13Tell me it's ready! There's a lot riding on that suit.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Ta-da!
0:25:15 > 0:25:18Oh, yes, What a good job.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Well, it's all in the wrist.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Any good presser will tell you that.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25He'll be a right girlie magnet, won't he, hey?
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Clean, well-pressed, smart.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Got to be worth something - even to Madge.
0:25:29 > 0:25:30What time you going out?
0:25:30 > 0:25:32When we close.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Be a couple of, er, you know...
0:25:35 > 0:25:38- get-to-know-you drinks.- Mm-hm.
0:25:38 > 0:25:44Back to their place for a bit of...late supper, and, um...
0:25:44 > 0:25:45don't wait up.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51SPINE CRACKS Oh...!
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Mm...
0:25:59 > 0:26:04Now, the question is, do we feed Gastric before we go?
0:26:04 > 0:26:08I'd hate to turn him loose at Madge's if he's hungry.
0:26:09 > 0:26:10Ey-up!
0:26:10 > 0:26:14That North Korea, it's going to be a big name in loving circles.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Save me a dozen.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Well, are you coming out, or what?
0:26:28 > 0:26:30That's if you've got time to wait.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34At that speed, he's not your dashing lover, is he?
0:26:34 > 0:26:39- I expect he's being careful not to spoil his creases.- Mm.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Oh...oh!
0:26:43 > 0:26:44Agh...
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Oh! Aah!
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Oh...
0:26:48 > 0:26:49Ngh...
0:26:49 > 0:26:50You've ruined his suit.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Me?!
0:26:52 > 0:26:55That's inferior material, that is.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58It's got a grip like a boa constrictor.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00I think supper's off...
0:27:00 > 0:27:03There's no room for aught else in here.
0:27:03 > 0:27:04Augh!
0:27:04 > 0:27:07Nicely cleaned and pressed, though - let's be fair.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11Wait - sit down, if it's painful.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16- There.- Sitting down's not all that easy.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Oh...oh....
0:27:18 > 0:27:20- TROUSERS RIP - Oh!
0:27:25 > 0:27:27- BOTH:- Oh!
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Oh!
0:27:42 > 0:27:44'It's going to be a tricky suit to get out of.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48'I wonder if he'll have to live in it forever.'
0:27:50 > 0:27:52Did you enjoy wrestling?
0:27:52 > 0:27:56You can forget that stuff till I get a ring on this finger.
0:28:03 > 0:28:07'Under the circumstances, I think I'm going to have to forget
0:28:07 > 0:28:11'that Gastric still owes me for that ice cream.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16' "Open at the other end."
0:28:16 > 0:28:18'Hm!
0:28:18 > 0:28:21'I should've stuck that on Gastric's trousers.'