0:00:02 > 0:00:06Hurry up. That's good. That's it, right.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Put it down here, look, in the centre, there.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12There.
0:00:12 > 0:00:16And we need an eight-foot plastic sunflower because...?
0:00:16 > 0:00:21Think visual impact. "What's this?" they'll wonder.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24"What is he up to now?"
0:00:24 > 0:00:26And, "How long has he been going barmy?"
0:00:26 > 0:00:31No, no, no, no, not once they know it's got mystical powers,
0:00:31 > 0:00:35that it comes from an ancient temple deep in the jungle,
0:00:35 > 0:00:38where people used to bring their babies,
0:00:38 > 0:00:41looking for success in life,
0:00:41 > 0:00:43and a cure for wind.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46You lie faster every day.
0:00:46 > 0:00:47Oh, well, thank you, Leroy.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Yes. No, I thought it would bring
0:00:49 > 0:00:53a bit of sunshine into the street, especially today as it's
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Kevin's wedding day, I thought, you know, how appropriate.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Oh, that's if he makes it this time, he's chickened out twice.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03Well, if he chickens out again, I want my cuff links back.
0:01:22 > 0:01:23HE YAWNS
0:01:27 > 0:01:28Oh!
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Oh, you gave me a fright, Mr Newbold.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38I felt everything shrink. And I'm supposed to be going to a wedding.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Fright? You don't know what fright is, boy,
0:01:41 > 0:01:45until you've been in the sights of Mrs Featherstone.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49Good morning. Mr Newbold, are you still calling her Mrs Featherstone?
0:01:49 > 0:01:52I thought she'd be Delphine to you by now.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55I've more than I can handle with Mrs Featherstone,
0:01:55 > 0:01:57I'm nowhere near ready for Delphine.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01Just a moment, sir, I'll be with you.
0:02:01 > 0:02:02Ummm...
0:02:06 > 0:02:08TILL RINGS
0:02:08 > 0:02:09Eh-eh-eh!
0:02:12 > 0:02:15I suppose you and, er, Mrs Featherstone will be going to
0:02:15 > 0:02:18- Kevin's wedding? - So I'm told.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22You need to find your inner monster, Mr Newbold, mm, put your foot down.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Er, would you excuse us, please, Mr Newbold?
0:02:25 > 0:02:27What? Ah.
0:02:27 > 0:02:28Come with me.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35What do you think you're doing, inciting rebellion?
0:02:35 > 0:02:37- I feel sorry for him. - Feel sorry?
0:02:37 > 0:02:40You ought to feel sorry for me! Well, and for you,
0:02:40 > 0:02:44because when she hasn't got her eye on him, she's got her eye on me.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Do you want the stepmother from hell?
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Oh, well, if he's got to go, he's got to go.
0:02:52 > 0:02:53Yeah, that's it.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Well, Mr Newbold, what can we treat you to today?
0:03:06 > 0:03:09Apart from Mrs Featherstone, that is.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Got some nice streaky bacon.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15It's been banned, she's got me on yoghurt and fibre.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18Oh, see what it's like, Leroy, to be in the hands of a caring woman?
0:03:18 > 0:03:22In the hands of? Feels more like an armlock.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26- You don't live with her, Mr Newbold. - And I'm trying to keep it that way.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28No, what I mean is, you know, you've got your own house,
0:03:28 > 0:03:32can't you sneak your streaky when she's not there?
0:03:32 > 0:03:34You can't cook bacon sneakily.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39She's got a nose like a bloodhound that thinks it's a Dyson.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Mr Newbold, it is
0:03:42 > 0:03:47well-known that, um, each of Mrs Featherstone's
0:03:47 > 0:03:53husbands are reported to have died from an excess of pure pleasure.
0:03:56 > 0:03:57I must keep moving.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Thank you.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04I've been up half the night wondering what to
0:04:04 > 0:04:08wear for this wedding, since somebody shrunk my best suit.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Oh, I wonder who that could be?
0:04:11 > 0:04:16Anyway, it's not a problem for an upscale emporium, Gastric,
0:04:16 > 0:04:19we can hire you a suit.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21- Eh?- We can?
0:04:23 > 0:04:29We can hire his suit. It's upstairs in the wardrobe doing nothing.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32He'd probably be delighted that it was earning a few bob.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35You're going to charge Gastric?
0:04:35 > 0:04:39- Why don't you just lend it to him? - Any old scruff can borrow a suit.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42It takes a better class of person, entirely, to hire a suit.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46The aristocracy always hire a suit.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48I mean, you don't think all that flash at Royal Ascot
0:04:48 > 0:04:50is their own, do ya?
0:04:50 > 0:04:52I bet it is their own.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55- No, rubbish. - What?
0:04:55 > 0:04:58No, you can't move at Moss Bros in the morning, for peers
0:04:58 > 0:05:00of the realm, you know.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Reclaiming their deposits.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- You're an old tight wad. - Thank you, Leroy.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11I hope he heard that, he'd be, er, s-smiling.
0:05:13 > 0:05:18C'mon. Right... Chop, chop, over there.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23That's it.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26There you are.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34C'mon, let's take it back.
0:05:37 > 0:05:38Right, steady.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Oh!
0:05:45 > 0:05:49Whoops, that's a bad omen for a wedding.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Mm, a man in pain - always lifts the heart a little.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Oh, look at him making a meal of it,
0:05:56 > 0:05:59anyone would think he was having twins.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03At least his bruises won't show and I bet he's recovered by mealtime.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Good job it wasn't Kevin,
0:06:05 > 0:06:08you're nervous enough on your wedding night.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Oh, you should have them trained by then.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12There comes a point
0:06:12 > 0:06:16when they learn to look on twin beds with a sense of relief.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Oh. You must have a softer side somewhere, Delphine.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23Oh, I can get quite girlish over a handsome bank account.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26I could never marry for money, in case they took you back
0:06:26 > 0:06:27if you didn't fit.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30And look what you did marry!
0:06:30 > 0:06:33And that's another thing, you're expected to get it right first time.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Well, let's hope it's third time lucky for the bride.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39How was she when you did her hair this morning?
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Twitchy. She was chewing her beads.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Well, that gormless twit Kevin's called it off
0:06:44 > 0:06:47twice at the last minute.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49No wonder she's insecure.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51I used to be insecure,
0:06:51 > 0:06:54until I realised I was insecure and then it got worse.
0:06:55 > 0:07:00Men, they need a firm hand... everywhere but where they'd like it.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06Well, I like weddings, I think there's still a place for romance.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09One less since they pulled down that bus shelter.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17They see Kevin's light on at all hours,
0:07:17 > 0:07:21they see him pacing backwards and forwards.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24I would think Kevin's better at backwards.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28He was so confused when he came in the shop yesterday, it took
0:07:28 > 0:07:31all my willpower not to overcharge him.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35I saw him yesterday, staring at a wall.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37He'll get on well with the brother-in-law, then.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40I passed him in the street, I said, "Good morning, Kevin,"
0:07:40 > 0:07:42and he said, "20 to nine."
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Oh, eh-up, here he comes now.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Hello, Kevin, we were just talking about you.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Huh, I know, everybody's taking about me -
0:07:52 > 0:07:56"Will he or won't he?" Puts a person under pressure.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00You know, er, Kevin, I've always found the best way to relieve
0:08:00 > 0:08:03pressure is to treat yourself, you know, buy something.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07You want to know pressure?
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Wait till she catches ya fancying some other woman.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13I don't fancy other women.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Well, they're better than walls, Kevin.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18It's no good never looking at other women,
0:08:18 > 0:08:21your wife won't believe you, anyway.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Oh, don't listen to 'em, Kevin, they're only pulling your leg.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Anyway, what are you doing here?
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Hey, you should be going to get ready for your wedding.
0:08:29 > 0:08:33I'm having a last look round as a single person.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35KEVIN SIGHS AND CLEARS THROAT
0:08:44 > 0:08:48I'm going to miss places like this, where once you were free.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50You'll get nothing free in here.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55I always think if everybody's overcharged equally,
0:08:55 > 0:08:57it's my contribution to fair-trade.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03There we are, sir. Oh, £5.00, just about right, thank you.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Hey, you'll miss more than places, Kevin, I don't know where I'd be
0:09:09 > 0:09:12if she didn't like Walnut Whips.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14It's all right for you, mine's on a diet.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19I've always admired the way you've stayed single,
0:09:19 > 0:09:21you're my role model, Granville.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25I never have time for a roll, that's WHY I'm still single.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28Ah, Kevin.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Oh, d'you know, I've buried three husbands
0:09:34 > 0:09:38and they looked better at the end than you do at the beginning.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Where we going?
0:09:40 > 0:09:42To get you smartened up and then married.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45It's taken you long enough - what were you doing?
0:09:45 > 0:09:49You're allowed to wed, you know! Even if nobody's pregnant.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Now, Granville, Granville, I know that Mr Newbold is pursuing me,
0:09:55 > 0:09:58but there's still time for someone with a back pocket
0:09:58 > 0:10:01as full as yours, to slip a wedge between us.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Hey, you should maybe think about that, Granville.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17I think he'd make a lovely wedge.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Just bog off, you two, will ya?
0:10:21 > 0:10:23THEY CHUCKLE
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Oh, I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy it,
0:10:36 > 0:10:39but, er, I'm running late - I'm going to a wedding.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41So am I, in about three months.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Right, I'll be back as soon as I can.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55Oh, er, the old lady here, she usually keeps me talking...
0:10:55 > 0:10:57HE CHUCKLES
0:10:57 > 0:10:58You know what they're like.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02I'll start being good in three months.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26Good day to you, Madge.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28It looks a better day for you.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32I was just showing him my wedding shoes.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Is that why your lipstick's smeared?
0:11:35 > 0:11:38Oh, it got smudged when we shared a fig biscuit.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Yes, just a small free sample.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Well, you needn't be looking at me like that,
0:11:45 > 0:11:49I'm old enough to accept a fig biscuit.
0:11:53 > 0:11:58Oh, Kevin, you do look smart.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02Except about the face - look at that expression, I think
0:12:02 > 0:12:05I've seen it on a punctured inner tube.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09You'd best keep him till it's time.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Where am I going to keep him?
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Same place you keep your fig biscuits.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19Well, I'd stay and keep him on his mark if I had time,
0:12:19 > 0:12:22but I must go and assist Mr Newbold into a wedding mood.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Now, Kevin, behave, or I'll be back...
0:12:26 > 0:12:28with a blunt needle.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34You'll be fine, Kevin - just because I had a bad marriage
0:12:34 > 0:12:37and she had worse, doesn't mean they're all bad.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41You're really not helping.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45Kevin, there are many happy married couples around here.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49I mean, you take that Mrs Harris over there, for example,
0:12:49 > 0:12:52she's never been happier since they had that lodger move in.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57I'm only joking. There...
0:12:57 > 0:12:59HE CHUCKLES
0:13:02 > 0:13:05No, no, it's all right, leave him, he can't go far,
0:13:05 > 0:13:09he can only get as far as the yard, and the gates are locked.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12He'll enjoy a bit of sunflower therapy.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16C'mon, Mavis, you need to redo your lipstick.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Hey, that was a good line of yours about the fig biscuit.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29Oh, heck, perhaps I'm going to be a natural at misbehaviour.
0:13:29 > 0:13:30Oh!
0:13:32 > 0:13:35I think I could live with that.
0:13:38 > 0:13:39HE SIGHS
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Right...
0:13:43 > 0:13:45A-ha, yes...
0:13:56 > 0:13:58TYRES SQUEAL
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Apply your handbrake, Mr Newbold.
0:14:06 > 0:14:10An urge to travel. This is a new you, Mr Newbold.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Have you forgotten you're taking me to a wedding?
0:14:12 > 0:14:13I hate weddings.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Oh, don't say that, it could soon be your own.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Now, show me a nice three-point turn.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Er, but I'm overdue for visiting this friend.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Oh, but you've got a new friend now, Mr Newbold - and I'm sure we'll
0:14:30 > 0:14:33be very happy together, once we understand certain rules.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36"You must come," he said, "I'll be expecting you."
0:14:36 > 0:14:39Find reverse, Mr Newbold, it's a knack you'll need
0:14:39 > 0:14:40if we're to prosper.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46How ancient would you say she was?
0:14:46 > 0:14:52- Oh, oh, lost in the mist of time. - She's plastic.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57Oh, er, yes, it's magic, isn't it, hey?
0:14:57 > 0:15:02They were using plastic when we still had wooden plates.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Well, if she's that old, how would you find her?
0:15:07 > 0:15:09I like to think that, um, she-she found me.
0:15:11 > 0:15:16Can you feel the mojo, Kevin? Mm?
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Talk to her... Listen.
0:15:20 > 0:15:21She talks?
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Oh, yes, to those fortunate enough to listen.
0:15:24 > 0:15:29She's on your side, Kevin, yours and Eileen's.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33Now...don't... don't let her down, will you?
0:15:33 > 0:15:35She's a plastic sunflower...
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Hey, what's this?
0:15:37 > 0:15:40You're now locked on to her ancient wisdom.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43Don't worry, I'll be back to undo you for the wedding.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01Hiring a suit turned out to be a bit more expensive than I'd imagined.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06That's because you have no imagination, Gastric.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09I tell you what he has got. A pretty powerful pong.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13How can you say that? I'm awash with deodorant and aftershave.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15No, no, it's not you, it's, er... I think
0:16:15 > 0:16:17we've overdone it with the mothballs.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19- Oh, is that what it was? - Mm.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21I thought they were Mint Imperials.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Tell me you didn't eat 'em.
0:16:26 > 0:16:27I'm not stupid!
0:16:29 > 0:16:30One was enough.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38I tell you what, though, Gastric, huh, those moths have got some balls.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43HORN TOOTS
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Oh, why am I going to a wedding?
0:16:47 > 0:16:49I hate weddings.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Oh, stop fighting it, Newbold.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55You're helpless in the slipstream of a determined woman.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Go on, then. Do it.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Still can't believe you're closing the shop.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36I can do it. I can, I can do it.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42I can close the shop!
0:17:45 > 0:17:48No, no, it's all right, just... We'll do it in a minute,
0:17:48 > 0:17:51there's no need to close before we have to, is there?
0:17:51 > 0:17:54- It's nearly time. - Mm? I know what time it is.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57- How long? - Mm? How long what?
0:17:57 > 0:17:59How long are you going to close the shop for?
0:17:59 > 0:18:03Oh, er, well, you know... It's Eileen's wedding, isn't it?
0:18:03 > 0:18:07And she's waited a long time, you know, and if she could
0:18:07 > 0:18:11wait for two years, we can close the shop for a couple of hours, can't we?
0:18:11 > 0:18:12A couple of hours?
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Minutes, minutes, couple of minutes, minutes I meant,
0:18:15 > 0:18:16that's what I meant.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18I mean, I tell you what, what we'll do is, you see,
0:18:18 > 0:18:23we'll go to the service and then, and then we'll come back here and then
0:18:23 > 0:18:27you can stay here and then I can go to the reception, then I'll come
0:18:27 > 0:18:31back here and then you can stay here and I can go back to the reception.
0:18:33 > 0:18:34Sounds like fun.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41Is that your best tie? Could you not find a better tie?
0:18:41 > 0:18:45Well, it's too late now, you'll just have to keep stroking your chin.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Did you bring a clean hanky?
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Yes, oh!
0:18:58 > 0:18:59Well, hello.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04Is there a photoshoot going on in the street?
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Hello, Mavis.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Hello, Granville.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11You're looking very grocer-friendly.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15And what does that make me?
0:19:15 > 0:19:20Oh, yes, I was coming to you, yes... Well, I think you're getting,
0:19:20 > 0:19:24er, very close to borderline attractive.
0:19:26 > 0:19:27You both look great.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Well, thank you, Leroy, I'm glad one of you's got manners.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33I'd like some tissues - I always cry at weddings.
0:19:33 > 0:19:38Well, the marriage you had - enough to make anybody cry.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39Well, yours was no pleasure trip.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42I know, let's hope Eileen does better.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Where's the slippery Kevin?
0:19:46 > 0:19:50Ah, well, he's, er, safe within the embrace of his spiritual advisor.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59Aftershave? That's very adventurous.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Do you have a secret side that I should know about?
0:20:02 > 0:20:05I've had it for years, it's an old Christmas gift.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Oh, they must've thought you were the kind to use aftershave.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Never struck me as Hugo Boss material.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Well, what are we waiting for?
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Well, instructions - where am I going?
0:20:25 > 0:20:29Well, we're going past the shop to pick up Nurse Gladys.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Well... How do I look?
0:20:35 > 0:20:39You look...unsinkable.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Unsinkable?
0:20:43 > 0:20:45I meant... Nice.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54And don't slouch, keep your shoulders back. I do.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56You keep everything back.
0:20:58 > 0:21:02And just remember - there's a help-yourself buffet.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04That does NOT include the bridesmaids.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08As if.
0:21:08 > 0:21:12You'd only tell your mother - you know I live in fear of your mother.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Oh, there's no need...!
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Just live in fear of me!
0:21:23 > 0:21:29Ah. Ha, right. Here we are, all looking delicious. Even Cyril.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33So it's time to undo the groom.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37Leroy, go and undo him and don't let him get away.
0:21:38 > 0:21:39Where's the key?
0:21:39 > 0:21:40Erm...
0:21:42 > 0:21:45I dunno, I thought you had it.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Surely he's not still fighting marriage?!
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Well, you have to admire him.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56Not if you want a peaceful day.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59I don't care if he is fighting, he's still going down.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03It's sad, really, we used to hold him up as an example.
0:22:03 > 0:22:04Yeah.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10Before we discovered the delights of matrimony.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14- Give us a kiss. - Get lost.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18- You see what I mean? - Mm.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Maybe YOU dropped it in the yard?
0:22:22 > 0:22:25What if he's found it? Quick!
0:22:27 > 0:22:31Mind the suit! Mind one of the world's most expensive suits!
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Hey! This is private property back here. Oh, heck.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Oh...
0:22:48 > 0:22:51What's the problem?
0:22:51 > 0:22:52He is.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55That's going to be inconvenient when they retire for the night.
0:22:55 > 0:22:56Well, it's no big deal,
0:22:56 > 0:23:00just cut the flower away from that big tub of concrete.
0:23:00 > 0:23:05No way, I paid good money for this ancient sacred item,
0:23:05 > 0:23:10it comes all the way from the jungles of Patagonia.
0:23:10 > 0:23:11He means Leeds.
0:23:14 > 0:23:19C'mon, c'mon, to me, to me, that's it, right, that's it.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Gastric, get...get the door, will you?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Hold it, hold it, hold it.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Right, now down your end, down, down - right, push, lads.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30It'll go, it'll go. Don't worry.
0:23:31 > 0:23:35Get it back the other way. Put the pot in first, it's obvious, isn't it?
0:23:35 > 0:23:39- Stand there, Gastric. - One, two, three!
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Right, your end down now.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44Right, in you go, that's it, it'll...it'll work this time.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48You dozy beggar, fancy chaining him up!
0:23:48 > 0:23:50That's another wedding he's going to miss.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54No, he won't, we'll get him there one way or another.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Right, think of something else, c'mon.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08It's all right.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Oh, ah, oh, no, ah!
0:24:13 > 0:24:14- Oh-oh-oh. - Eh, up.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18Stop! Ah-oh, help! Oh! No!
0:24:20 > 0:24:23HE WAILS
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Why can't he wear a buttonhole, like anyone else?
0:24:56 > 0:24:58SHE MOUTHS
0:25:03 > 0:25:05THEY MUTTER
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Hello, erm, good afternoon.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43We're gathered here today to celebrate the union
0:25:43 > 0:25:46of Eileen and Kevin.
0:25:46 > 0:25:51Marriage is a desire by two people to share their lives together,
0:25:51 > 0:25:55and a willingness to accept each other for who they are.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00SHE SNIFFLES
0:26:04 > 0:26:08It is a commitment to friendship...
0:26:08 > 0:26:11mutual respect... and calls for patience...
0:26:21 > 0:26:25..courage and, of course, humour...
0:26:33 > 0:26:35GASTRIC BURPS
0:26:37 > 0:26:39SHE COUGHS
0:26:41 > 0:26:45And now a solemn moment has arrived for these,
0:26:45 > 0:26:51Eileen and Kevin, to contract their marriage before you.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04CAMERA CLICKS
0:27:10 > 0:27:13'They'll all be raving now at the disco.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18'I hope Gastric's not over-exercising that suit.
0:27:21 > 0:27:25'You do realise you're now married to Eileen?
0:27:32 > 0:27:34'Not to mention Kevin.'
0:27:38 > 0:27:42Hey, you not going the disco?
0:27:42 > 0:27:44At my time of life, Leroy,
0:27:44 > 0:27:47I'd be much happier curled up with a good book.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50Good evening, Leroy.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53And if Madge asks, I'm still at the disco.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58Oh, enjoy your book.
0:27:59 > 0:28:02I hope I can remember my place.