0:00:31 > 0:00:33Visit Santa's grotto!
0:00:33 > 0:00:35SHE SCREAMS
0:00:37 > 0:00:39HE LAUGHS
0:00:50 > 0:00:52- You look a right muffin, you.- Ssh!
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Don't talk to me. I'm a stranger round here.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Are you hiding from her boyfriend again?
0:00:58 > 0:01:01I've told her she should go back to him cos when you get to know him
0:01:01 > 0:01:04he's really very...big.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Here you are.
0:01:07 > 0:01:13Oh, look, there's the Black Widow with that poor fly.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Smile, Mr Newbold.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18No, that's not good. Put it away!
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Looks as if it's on the wrong face.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25It's you she fancies. He's just for practice.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32Oh, good day to you, Mrs Bridges.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35You said that yesterday and it wasn't.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38Oh, is there a man anywhere you can rely on?
0:01:38 > 0:01:43You give them your best years, smarten up your underwear,
0:01:43 > 0:01:45totter about in crippling heels
0:01:45 > 0:01:50and still they leave you empty, broken.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Is that it? Is that life?
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Is that all there is?
0:01:56 > 0:01:59I've got some nice fresh kidneys.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Ole!
0:02:49 > 0:02:52It's getting more like a bullfight with this till.
0:02:52 > 0:02:53Did you see that?
0:02:53 > 0:02:56This time in the morning you think people can see?
0:02:57 > 0:03:01I think it's Arkwright having a laugh.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05He's deadly when he's playful. You ask Nurse Gladys Emmanuel.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Oh, good morning, Gastric.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Morning. Right, I want...
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Why's he dressed like a pillock?
0:03:20 > 0:03:23It's not me. I'm out.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- Anyway, you owe me 10p from yesterday.- How come?
0:03:26 > 0:03:30Well, actually it's 11p, but I'm giving you favoured customer rates.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32It's about time!
0:03:32 > 0:03:35Well, don't tell anybody else cos they'll all want it.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39I've forgotten it already, along with what I came in for.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42I'll have to come back.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Eh? No!
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Heck, now look what you've done. You've lost us a customer!
0:03:47 > 0:03:50- He said he'll be back.- Yes, I know, but they lie, don't they?
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Right, I want two pound of bacon.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57- Two pound of bacon. - A dozen eggs.- A dozen eggs.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59- A large tin of beans. - Large tin of be...
0:03:59 > 0:04:02You know, Gastric, I'm glad you got your appetite back.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06I mean, Gastric and diet were two words that don't really go together.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09It's not just for me. I've got Cliff Bridges staying with me.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13Elsie's husband. Mrs Bridges.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Oh, yes! I thought he'd left her?
0:04:15 > 0:04:19Oh, he's left her three times altogether but now he's come back
0:04:19 > 0:04:20just in time for Christmas.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22So he's brought himself back, has he?
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Well, it saves him buying a Christmas present, I suppose,
0:04:25 > 0:04:27doesn't it?
0:04:27 > 0:04:30He must pack some romantic punch if he gets away with that.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34Oh, not this time. She won't let him in. She's thrown him back out.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38I've taken him in temporarily for a while.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41I thought I might pick up a few pointers about how to handle Madge.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Oh, Mrs Bridges, eh? Poor lass.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48I thought she looked a bit emotional yesterday.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52She's always emotional. She cries when anything dies.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Well, there's no harm in that.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Her battery?!
0:04:59 > 0:05:02He comes home for Christmas and she won't even let him in.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04How Christmassy is that?
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Women! Where do they learn this behaviour?
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Are they born nasty?
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Elsie's not nasty...
0:05:12 > 0:05:14compared to some I could mention.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17It's hardly Good King Wenceslas.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21A poor man comes inside and all she gives him is grief.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Then she shoves him straight back out
0:05:23 > 0:05:25into the deep and crisp and even.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29He's left her more than once and always for some other woman.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Well, there you go.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34It's not as if he didn't have a good reason.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36She's taken him back twice.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39I don't think mine would show that kind of consideration.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42What's he like, this Bridges fella?
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Are we talking good looking, athletic?
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Unfair competition?
0:05:47 > 0:05:51Obviously he has some pull with the ladies.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53I don't like him already.
0:05:58 > 0:06:04Oh, get a grip, Elsie. Have a good sing. Take your mind off him.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08Forget him. Repeat after me - "Cliff who?"
0:06:08 > 0:06:12Was he born at the seaside? Why did they call him after a cliff?
0:06:12 > 0:06:14His name's Clifford!
0:06:14 > 0:06:17It bears no relation to the seaside.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21Cliff to me is something you have to be careful not to fall off.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24I think Elsie found that.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Did he just appear at your doorway?
0:06:28 > 0:06:31With a suitcase and his washing.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Three years of washing?!
0:06:34 > 0:06:38No, I think she must have done her bit,
0:06:38 > 0:06:42although I don't believe that was the attraction.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45- I hope you didn't let him in. - No, I didn't let him in.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Did it never occur to you to set the dog on him?
0:06:51 > 0:06:55- I don't have a dog.- For the occasion, I'd have borrowed one!
0:06:55 > 0:06:56You give them your best.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Ah, now that's where you went wrong, right there.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01They thrive better on less.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Think of him as dead or living somewhere similar,
0:07:05 > 0:07:07like Lancashire.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11And don't you be encouraging her to take him back.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15He's all alone and it's Christmas.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19Oh, I can see him now out on the street in a blizzard,
0:07:19 > 0:07:22trying to keep warm with only a Mars bar.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Why would he have a Mars bar?
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Because I would have just given him one.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32- You're as daft as Auntie Eileen. - She found love in the end.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35And we all know which end!
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Be firm, Elsie, don't weaken.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40I know it's Christmas, goodwill to all men,
0:07:40 > 0:07:43but you're allowed to be nasty to those closest to you.
0:07:43 > 0:07:50I AM being firm, even though his coming back must mean something.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53It probably means the other woman's chucked him out!
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Came straight home though, didn't he?
0:07:56 > 0:07:58- Oh, Elsie!- Oh, Elsie!
0:08:00 > 0:08:03You're only guessing it's me.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05I could be a real elf.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07You're too tall.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09I've been stretched.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11I'm an elongated elf.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13My favourite kind.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Have you got a name?
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Ginger.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21May I enquire where the bit might be that's ginger?
0:08:26 > 0:08:28I'm looking forward to a little session
0:08:28 > 0:08:29with the kid that works here.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Me too!
0:08:32 > 0:08:34- Was that him? - I'm not allowed to say,
0:08:34 > 0:08:37on the grounds of "elf" and safety!
0:08:42 > 0:08:46Do you often talk to strange elves?
0:08:46 > 0:08:48He's got a nice face.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50You ought to see it first thing in the morning.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Ready when he is.
0:08:57 > 0:09:01# Therefore, Christian men be sure
0:09:01 > 0:09:05# Wealth or rank possessing
0:09:05 > 0:09:09# Ye who now will bless the poor
0:09:09 > 0:09:13# Shall yourselves find blessing. #
0:09:16 > 0:09:17SHE SIGHS
0:09:17 > 0:09:20OK, well, a smidgeon better than yesterday,
0:09:20 > 0:09:23but remember, we've got that choir in Finkle Street to beat,
0:09:23 > 0:09:26otherwise they'll be bragging all year!
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Go on, take ten.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Were you singing? Cos I couldn't hear you.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34I told you, I'm not much for singing.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Well, you didn't tell me you needed a voice transplant.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Get some expression into it.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43And try to look happy.
0:09:43 > 0:09:47They know we're an item. If you don't look happy it reflects on me.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49You expect me to be happy?
0:09:49 > 0:09:53Until after the formal engagement and then I'll settle for obedient.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Engaged? You and me?
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Well, unless I get a better offer you're in with a chance.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Lots of goodies coming your way.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08Where's this collector of ladies' scalps then?
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Oh, I couldn't dream. Elsie goes ballistic.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14In that case, he can't be all that magnetic.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17I don't see him any more Leonardo DiCaprio than I am.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Listen, I were at school with him.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23While the rest of us were playing marbles,
0:10:23 > 0:10:25he were playing with the entire girls' hockey team!
0:10:28 > 0:10:32I bet Elsie and Cliff have really missed each other.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35I bet you still believe in Father Christmas.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37Not always.
0:10:37 > 0:10:42I can't afford to keep him. He eats like a woodchipper.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46Lost his wife but not his appetite. How heartbroken is that?
0:10:46 > 0:10:50He's not lost her. She's trying to be tough but she's wavering.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53His old magic is still working.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56It's magic the way he goes through a bacon butty.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02The entire girls' hockey team?
0:11:02 > 0:11:04They'd have shin pads,
0:11:04 > 0:11:06but what protection would that be against him?
0:11:06 > 0:11:08If I tried half that stuff on with our lass,
0:11:08 > 0:11:11I'd be the one needing shin pads!
0:11:11 > 0:11:14If you want to have a look at him I'll bring him in the shop.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16HE BURPS
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Two o'clock this afternoon.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Right, what have we got here?
0:11:28 > 0:11:32"Dr Proctor's Fiery Chest Pastilles."
0:11:32 > 0:11:34You can put them away.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36They never sold. Far too hot.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38It's like sucking a chilli.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42Well, maybe they've cooled down now we've had 'em for a while.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47- Plus they turned your tongue green. - Yeah, well, it wore off, didn't it?
0:11:47 > 0:11:51Anyway, we can tell them it was a sign of inner purity.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Right, come on, you try one.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56- YOU try one!- No, no, you try one.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59- Oh, no, you...- TRY ONE.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01All right, tell you what, we'll both try one.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04We should always be familiar with the products that we are selling,
0:12:04 > 0:12:08right, apart from a small selection of ladies' underwear, OK?
0:12:10 > 0:12:13There you go.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20You better get that in your...
0:12:20 > 0:12:23All right, all right, all right.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34- Oh.- Oh.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Yeah, they have. They've cooled down.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Used to bring me out in clammy sweats.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Black Widow does that to me.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Hmm, yeah.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01It's when you get to the middle!
0:13:01 > 0:13:04You can clear drains with these things, can't you?
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Stand there, Mr Newbold. This is girl talk.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29You're looking a bit female stressed.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33I'm getting older. It can't last forever.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Oh, there's better solutions than being dead.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Not as reliable.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42You need a few hours of all-male company. Crack some jokes.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45A free flow of bad manners. Spill a few drinks.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49- Drop some crumbs down your front. - Belch a bit.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53It's true. It's those little things you miss.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56First of all, two o'clock at Arkwright's.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Let's get a look at this Cliff Bridges.
0:13:58 > 0:14:03The man with power over women. Pick up a few tips.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Not that we need any help in that direction.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07I think that's understood.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17HE PANTS
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Guaranteed to clear all your passages.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34You do know it's bad luck, don't you,
0:14:34 > 0:14:38standing out here practising not spending?
0:14:38 > 0:14:41- Just browsing.- Just happened to be coming in your direction.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46Here, what time have you got?
0:14:46 > 0:14:50Well, does it matter? You're not doing anything with it, are you?
0:14:51 > 0:14:55- Are we late?- For what? - Well, I don't know.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58- Mr Newbold said we had to get a move on.- I didn't say a word.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02- He's so forgetful.- I forget when I last got the CHANCE to say a word!
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Listen to him rattling on. Do be quiet, Mr Newbold.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08People are going to think you're a chatterbox.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Hey, we've got quite a crowd building now, haven't we?
0:15:14 > 0:15:18You must have all heard about my special offers.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20- Just passing.- I'll take some.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22You don't even know what they are!
0:15:22 > 0:15:24I like surprises.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33What's all this then? Have I missed something?
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Not a lot, by the look of that lipstick.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39I turned a corner, walked straight into this pair of lips.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Which corner?
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- Here comes Gastric's mini. - HORN BEEPS
0:15:45 > 0:15:46Hey up!
0:15:48 > 0:15:49What's going on?
0:15:53 > 0:15:56THEY GASP
0:15:56 > 0:15:58THEY SIGH
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Now, listen, you lot,
0:16:00 > 0:16:04if you're not going to buy anything there will be a parking fee,
0:16:04 > 0:16:07refundable upon your first purchase.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11THEY GASP
0:16:11 > 0:16:13THEY SIGH
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Hey up, it's Black Friday.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19- Where is he?- God's gift to women.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23- Cliff Bridges.- He's adjusting his cap in the rear-view mirror.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25He'll be here in a minute.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28So THAT'S what this is all about, is it?
0:16:28 > 0:16:31You all want to see Mr Magnificent.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35THEY GASP
0:16:38 > 0:16:40You've got to be kidding!
0:16:41 > 0:16:42What?
0:16:46 > 0:16:48He reminded me of someone and he was dead!
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Maybe he's got a big personality?
0:16:52 > 0:16:55He's not big enough to have a big personality.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58If I were you I'd ask for your Mars bar back.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Who in their right mind would take him back?
0:17:01 > 0:17:03He's hardly fit for recycling.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06- Makes your man look good. - I wouldn't go as far as good.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10There's been some wear and tear in there.
0:17:10 > 0:17:11No wonder he's ready for home.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Home? I wouldn't have him delivered!
0:17:15 > 0:17:20- So you've left Elsie three times? - Anybody can make a mistake.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22What, three times?!
0:17:22 > 0:17:26- Same mistake.- Mmm. You don't look like a lady-killer, Clifford.
0:17:26 > 0:17:31- You look more like his grandad. - I've retired.
0:17:31 > 0:17:36All right, from the horse's mouth, what's the secret?
0:17:36 > 0:17:38- He keeps asking me that. - On behalf of a friend.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43All right, so he keeps asking. What do you tell him?
0:17:43 > 0:17:47I tell him I don't know. Anyway, that's all in the past.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51Dr Proctor's Fiery Chest Pastilles?
0:17:51 > 0:17:54Haven't seen these in a while.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56I used to swear by these.
0:18:09 > 0:18:10Oh, hello, Mavis.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Hello, Granville.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15- What are we doing for Christmas? - We did that last year.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Wasn't it a lovely Christmas?
0:18:20 > 0:18:24I shan't enjoy this Christmas if poor Mr Bridges can't get home.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28You're such a kind-hearted woman, Mavis,
0:18:28 > 0:18:31but Elsie is surrounded by the female Mafia.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34They're all telling her to send him packing.
0:18:34 > 0:18:39I don't think there's anybody going to be able to get him back.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41I bet you could.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43If anyone can...
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Oh.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51- FROM INSIDE BOX:- Ow! Ah! Ooh!
0:18:51 > 0:18:53She'll only throw him out again.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Even now he's gift-wrapped.
0:18:55 > 0:18:59Once he's inside the house, he'll be able to work his magic, won't he?
0:18:59 > 0:19:03He's not sounding all that magical at the moment.
0:19:03 > 0:19:04Stop moaning, will you?
0:19:04 > 0:19:08- We're trying to get you back to where you want to be.- Ow! Ah!
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Oh, it's no good.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Open the lid, will you, let's see what he's grizzling about?
0:19:15 > 0:19:16Ah!
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Oh, 'eck!
0:19:24 > 0:19:26When she opens the box, Mr Bridges,
0:19:26 > 0:19:29my advice is to grab her while she's too surprised to speak.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Give her your best shot.
0:19:37 > 0:19:38Parcel for Bridges.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53She should have opened it by now.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56He should be out of the box.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00Unless he's dragged her in. She's not complaining.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03He's done it again, that old hockey magic!
0:20:03 > 0:20:06I think you're right, I think he's cracked it!
0:20:06 > 0:20:08He's still got it, eh?
0:20:08 > 0:20:10I wonder if he keeps his cap on.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16She dumped me and kept the box.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23She's got them women with her. They threw me out the back.
0:20:25 > 0:20:26You blew it!
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Where was all this magic?
0:20:29 > 0:20:33I just want to go home. I'm all out of magic.
0:20:33 > 0:20:34And I'm all out of bacon.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Can I ask you please not to repeat that?
0:20:38 > 0:20:41I've been telling everybody it's down to
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Dr Proctor's Fiery Chest Pastilles.
0:20:45 > 0:20:46We need a plan B.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11This forgotten secret from the Victorian era
0:21:11 > 0:21:13has to be handled with care.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16I mean, are you ready for this much power over women?
0:21:19 > 0:21:21You're going to have to pace yourselves.
0:21:21 > 0:21:22We're ready.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27I think I can safely speak also for my colleague here.
0:21:27 > 0:21:32Providing it's the genuine stuff Cliff Bridges has been using.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34To such effect.
0:21:34 > 0:21:39And providing it will prove to have a similar effect upon us.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Within reason.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Nobody's talking an entire ladies' hockey team.
0:21:48 > 0:21:52Tom Jones has a pack of these at his bedside.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57He always sucks two when he sings Delilah.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03And if you listen carefully, you can hear the whisper
0:22:03 > 0:22:06of ladies' underwear as it sails past.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Today, Tom Jones. Tomorrow, Eric and Cyril.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18So how come these are not more widely known?
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Oh, because they were banned, you see,
0:22:20 > 0:22:23once they found out that they started the First World War.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28I thought it was because some archduke got himself shot...
0:22:28 > 0:22:29in the Balkans.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34Yes, and very painful it was, too.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39But you've got to ask yourself, why was he shot?
0:22:39 > 0:22:43He was shot because he was doing a bit of archduking on the side,
0:22:43 > 0:22:45you know, he was running amok with his Dr Proctor's.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51So, if they're banned, where did you get these?
0:22:51 > 0:22:55They were from a secret hoard that was buried in the grounds of
0:22:55 > 0:22:59the lodge of the Royal Antediluvian Order of Buffaloes.
0:23:00 > 0:23:01Near Macclesfield.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11The men still need to give it some...oomph.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14It's not something I'd encourage in Mr Newbold.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16You've got to let them loose sometime.
0:23:16 > 0:23:20But you have to be careful, in case they turn out to be ravening wolves.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22I think you're safe enough with Mr Newbold.
0:23:26 > 0:23:31Hey, let's get this thing over with and then, er...
0:23:31 > 0:23:33we can go and make some magic together.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35You've got to pick my mother up.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40You'll regret this when I'm irresistible to women.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42There'll be a queue.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Maybe if you were at a bus stop.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Right, places, everybody.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Clear your throats.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54Get all your coughs and sneezes over with. This is our last rehearsal.
0:23:54 > 0:23:59Let's make it a good 'un. Come on, open your books.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03- We ought to go see Uncle Gerald. - Again? Oh, he doesn't recognise us.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06Well, he knows when it's mealtimes.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08He thought I was German.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Well, you CAN be a bit that way inclined.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Stay there, Mr Newbold. I'll soon be back at your side.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20I'm beginning to feel she's at both sides.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Granville, you're a man of experience.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27I'd like you to come upstairs to my bedroom
0:24:27 > 0:24:30and take a look at a damp patch.
0:24:36 > 0:24:40I think you'll need a builder for that, Mrs Featherstone.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44Come and look at my damp patch, Granville. We can build on that.
0:24:48 > 0:24:53Come along, people. Let's get this show on the road.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55SHE SIGHS
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Hey, so where's this lad of yours?
0:24:58 > 0:25:03Ooh! Well, the last time I saw him, he was, er, dressed as an elf.
0:25:06 > 0:25:07Ooh!
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Right, take those glasses off!
0:25:11 > 0:25:13You can wrap this up for Christmas, and all.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Take your hands off my husband.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Look at me, Norm.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21You're not fit to be loose.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24And stop grinning!
0:25:24 > 0:25:26You've got some grovelling to do!
0:25:34 > 0:25:37You look like you might be a baritone.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Well, I'm no soprano.
0:25:39 > 0:25:44Hmm. Good. Give it some volume.
0:25:44 > 0:25:45Hey, what have you got there?
0:25:49 > 0:25:53- It clears all your passages.- Oh!
0:25:53 > 0:25:57Do you want a throat pastille, everyone? It clears your passages.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02We need all the help we can get if we're going to beat Finkle Street.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10# Good King Wenceslas looked out
0:26:10 > 0:26:13# On the feast of Stephen
0:26:13 > 0:26:17# When the snow lay round about... #
0:26:17 > 0:26:20THEY COUGH
0:26:20 > 0:26:24SINGING AND COUGHING
0:26:31 > 0:26:36COUGHING AND WAILING
0:26:49 > 0:26:50'I think that's the first time
0:26:50 > 0:26:54'I've heard people COUGHING Good King Wenceslas.
0:27:01 > 0:27:05'Lucky I sent some of those pastilles round to Finkle Street.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09'After all, it IS the season of goodwill.'
0:27:12 > 0:27:15HE GRUNTS
0:27:18 > 0:27:21I knew you could get Cliff back home if anyone could.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23I thought you were singing.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25I got hiccups in Denbigh Street.
0:27:25 > 0:27:29A-ha! You need a shock.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Will it be a shock if you're expecting one?
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Trust me, I'm tricky. Come here.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36THEY CHUCKLE, SINGING IN DISTANCE
0:27:36 > 0:27:39Oh, listen! Right.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43Hang about. Right.
0:27:43 > 0:27:49# Sleep in heavenly peace
0:27:49 > 0:27:54# Sleep in heavenly peace. #