0:00:13 > 0:00:14Hello. Look at that.
0:00:15 > 0:00:18Ooh, she's got a powerful left hand, that Mrs Willis.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23You have to marvel at the chemistry that could bring those two together.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26Yeah, apparently they met at Butlins.
0:00:26 > 0:00:29He said that she looked like Marilyn Monroe.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Give over!
0:00:31 > 0:00:33Marilyn Monroe were gorgeous.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Mrs Willis looks more like Marilyn Manson.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39Yeah, but you're forgetting the power of Butlins.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Those chalets were like incubators.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46Do you know it was the first time in British social history that
0:00:46 > 0:00:48lovers were free from damp grass?
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Maybe she did look like Marilyn Monroe.
0:00:53 > 0:00:54In the dark.
0:00:58 > 0:00:59- I do love a happy ending.- Mmm.
0:01:03 > 0:01:04Hi, Leroy.
0:01:06 > 0:01:07Hi, Wendy.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11That's a lot of Wendy to be saying hi to, isn't it?
0:01:12 > 0:01:16That is number 37, Hazelwood drive.
0:01:16 > 0:01:17Divorced.
0:01:17 > 0:01:18Just moved in.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22Well, remember, she may look like that now...
0:01:22 > 0:01:27but inside there's an old Mrs Willis waiting to come out.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48HE BREATHES DEEPLY
0:01:53 > 0:01:56There was somebody wearing perfume in this doorway last night.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Could be him from Sprotbrough.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Actually, it was her with me.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04Elaine.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Ooh, she always smells good enough to make you forget people
0:02:06 > 0:02:08not called Elaine.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Oh, well, let's see what sort of mood Arkwright's in this morning.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Oh!
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Who's had a bad night, then?
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Short, as usual.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Just remember, if you were longer in bed
0:02:25 > 0:02:26your pyjamas wouldn't fit.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32I could be reclining on a hammock, in some warm country,
0:02:32 > 0:02:34with Scarlett Johansson.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36What, on one hammock?
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Well, we're saving up for a mortgage.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41She doesn't want to live over the shop.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44Although I've told her we'll move the boxes of baked beans.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47You don't dream like a grocer, you.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Some of my best ideas come at night.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50And mine.
0:02:52 > 0:02:57While you're snoring I'm practising advanced grocery.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00You know, plotting and scheming for this business?
0:03:00 > 0:03:01You know what the trouble is?
0:03:01 > 0:03:04We've no room for expansion.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06I'm not surprised, on one hammock.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09Have you never thought about moving to bigger premises?
0:03:09 > 0:03:11TILL BANGS COINS SCATTER
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Now look what you've done.
0:03:17 > 0:03:18You know he's had a bad night!
0:03:21 > 0:03:23He didn't mean it.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26It was just, you know, off the top of his head.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Bit of mental dandruff.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33You know what they're like, at his age.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34Hmm?
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Lucky be-be-beggar.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43What have you been buying now?
0:03:43 > 0:03:44Well, what have you got?
0:03:44 > 0:03:45"Little Jump-start.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48"Electronic assistance for tired feelings.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51"Turn your thoughts into muscular activity."
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Oh, "Batteries not included."
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Hey, hey - we sell batteries, don't we, eh?
0:03:56 > 0:03:58"Bored with life?
0:03:58 > 0:04:00"You need a Little Jump-start.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02"Scientific way to boost lost feelings."
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Who is going to fall for that?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Apart from you.
0:04:06 > 0:04:07Well, it doesn't matter, does it?
0:04:07 > 0:04:10I mean, if they don't work we can say they're...
0:04:10 > 0:04:12mognamite detectors.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Mognamite?
0:04:16 > 0:04:20It's a little-known gas that seeps out of old wardrobes
0:04:20 > 0:04:22and discarded knee bandages.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25Right, what's it say?
0:04:25 > 0:04:27"Just carry in pocket.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30"Do not exceed the recommended."
0:04:30 > 0:04:31The recommended what?
0:04:31 > 0:04:33It doesn't say. Just ends there.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Oh. All right. Well, never mind.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Go on - put a battery in and then you can try it.
0:04:41 > 0:04:42Me?
0:04:42 > 0:04:43Well, you'll be all right,
0:04:43 > 0:04:46as long as you don't exceed the recommended.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Why don't we both try one?
0:04:50 > 0:04:52All right, OK.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09You've bought a turkey again.
0:05:09 > 0:05:10BELL JINGLES
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Oh, hiya. You must be Granville.
0:05:15 > 0:05:19Yes. And you must be Hazelwood Drive.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21That's right - number 37.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23- Wendy.- Oh.
0:05:23 > 0:05:24You run a good business here.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27And I like your taste in Leroys.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Well, he's the only one I've got,
0:05:30 > 0:05:33so I'd like him back in good condition.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Yeah, well, I'll be home later, awaiting his delivery.
0:05:36 > 0:05:37Tell him to add a bottle of vodka, all right?
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Yes, he likes vodka.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41- I know.- Oh.
0:05:41 > 0:05:42- Bye.- Bye.
0:05:43 > 0:05:44BELL JINGLES
0:05:48 > 0:05:49Hey...
0:05:49 > 0:05:53I don't know how you can say we don't need more space.
0:05:53 > 0:05:54LEROY SNIFFS
0:05:56 > 0:05:57Wendy!
0:05:57 > 0:05:58Now, listen to me -
0:05:58 > 0:06:01you pack in that vodka.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02She's going to be a good customer.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Nice woman.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07"Nice" is not the first thing that springs to mind.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11I know what you mean.
0:06:11 > 0:06:12CRACKLE OF ELECTRICITY
0:06:14 > 0:06:15Hey!
0:06:18 > 0:06:20- What was that?- Hmm? What was what?
0:06:20 > 0:06:24Come on, you were thinking certain thoughts and your arm shot up.
0:06:24 > 0:06:25Well, so were you!
0:06:25 > 0:06:26You were thinking something
0:06:26 > 0:06:28and your knee nearly went through the ceiling!
0:06:28 > 0:06:32It is a perfectly innocent grocer-client relationship.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Yeah - just like you and Mavis.
0:06:34 > 0:06:35Oh, rubbish!
0:06:35 > 0:06:36CRACKLE OF ELECTRICITY
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Hey!
0:06:38 > 0:06:40There you go. You see?
0:06:40 > 0:06:43- Saucy thoughts and... - HE WHISTLES
0:06:44 > 0:06:46They get electronically assisted.
0:06:46 > 0:06:47Hmm?
0:06:47 > 0:06:49"A little muscular Jump-start."
0:06:49 > 0:06:50Hey...
0:06:50 > 0:06:52It's these things.
0:06:53 > 0:06:54Oh...
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Eh up!
0:06:56 > 0:06:58This might be useful, this.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04It's very odd to find you've got a leg with its own agenda.
0:07:05 > 0:07:09A lot of people think that's always been your problem.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11And who have they heard it from? Eh?
0:07:11 > 0:07:12- You.- Yes, well,
0:07:12 > 0:07:15I'm just trying to keep you away from elderly women.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Wendy is 35.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Yes, well, so was that old Mrs Willis and...
0:07:19 > 0:07:21look what's happened to her.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25And I am not mixed up.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27She merely invited me in for coffee.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30A good-looking woman, yeah, but what's underneath?
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Actually, she's not my type.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Oh, pull the other one, will you?
0:07:34 > 0:07:38I tell you what - if I were your age, she'd certainly be my type.
0:07:38 > 0:07:39CRACKLE OF ELECTRICITY
0:07:41 > 0:07:43BELL JINGLES
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Ah, the happy couple.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Ooh, don't let's jump the gun.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Mr Newbold is entitled to only very limited pleasure in these
0:07:55 > 0:07:58early stages of our relationship.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Limited pleasure.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01I can testify to that.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06A lot to look forward to, though. Eh, Mr Newbold?
0:08:06 > 0:08:07Yes, isn't there?
0:08:08 > 0:08:10I've told him he'll have to pace himself.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12I will allow no liberties
0:08:12 > 0:08:14before legalities.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Except...under special circumstances.
0:08:21 > 0:08:22CRACKLE OF ELECTRICITY
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Am I disturbing you, Granville?
0:08:35 > 0:08:37No, no, it's just a, just a twitch.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42I always say just a twitch is better than none.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Aren't we neglecting Mr Newbold?
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Yes, please do...
0:08:51 > 0:08:53carry on.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56I've recently begun to see the benefits of neglect.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Being on my own, abandoned.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Pay no attention. He has these little outbursts.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05But I'm reducing his carbohydrates.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08She is. I can feel them shrinking.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14Now, we're here, Granville, because Mr Newbold has a problem.
0:09:14 > 0:09:15I'll say.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Mr Newbold has excessive gravity in his underwear.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29That sounds serious.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Well, look at him - struggling with it now.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35Mr Newbold's boxer shorts are forever on their way down.
0:09:36 > 0:09:42Forgivable, surely, in the first flush of excitement of meeting you.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44They're falling down on their own initiative.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47They're not party to any excitement.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51And I don't see why the state of my underwear should go public.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Nonsense! We have to find a cure.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56Can't have you squirming down the street.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Look as if you're pole dancing.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Have you thought of buying new?
0:10:01 > 0:10:04No, he has this absurd sentimental attachment to them.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06It's only the elastic gone a bit.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Otherwise they're perfectly sound.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Right, now, listen - if you call back later,
0:10:10 > 0:10:15I may have the solution, fresh from my supplier.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Fear not, we will stabilise his underwear.
0:10:18 > 0:10:19Well, I hope so,
0:10:19 > 0:10:22cos I don't want people thinking I'm behind his loose underwear.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25I don't want anyone behind me.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28I don't want anyone within miles of me.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Oh, stop panicking.
0:10:30 > 0:10:31I'm here for you, aren't I?
0:10:37 > 0:10:39- Biscuit? - Oh, thank you.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43What is it about your husband and your relatives?
0:10:43 > 0:10:46Why is there always this iron curtain?
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Well, I'm not qualified to speak,
0:10:48 > 0:10:51but isn't picking a husband a bit like impulse buying?
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Can you really be surprised if your family thinks,
0:10:54 > 0:10:57"What the heck did she buy that for?"
0:10:57 > 0:11:00I can understand my lot being dubious about Eric.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02I mean, let's face it - I'm dubious about Eric.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04No, you're not. You love him.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Keep your voice down.
0:11:06 > 0:11:07I try and hide it.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09You do pretty well, normally.
0:11:09 > 0:11:10Oh, thank you.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14I don't get it.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16What have we got for assisting gentleman
0:11:16 > 0:11:18to get a grip on their underwear?
0:11:18 > 0:11:23We have the answer to a widespread problem in this area.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27And there it is - look!
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Right there, look - that's him.
0:11:30 > 0:11:31He's doing the dance.
0:11:34 > 0:11:35The underwear two-step.
0:11:39 > 0:11:40Chasing the bunny.
0:11:42 > 0:11:43The bunny?
0:11:43 > 0:11:47Aye, well, he's losing his undies, eh?
0:11:47 > 0:11:48They're slipping down,
0:11:48 > 0:11:49aren't they?
0:11:52 > 0:11:55Making me feel like I'm losing mine.
0:11:55 > 0:11:56You probably are.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59I know I'm losing mine.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Oh, no - don't tell me it's the money belt!
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Oh, 'eck!
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Oh... Ooh...
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Is it your brother that's the problem?
0:12:11 > 0:12:13You know, the...
0:12:13 > 0:12:14quiet one?
0:12:14 > 0:12:16That's tactful.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19- You were going to say "miserable", weren't you?- No...
0:12:19 > 0:12:20It's true, I was.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22I know he's not Mr Smiley,
0:12:22 > 0:12:25but he's had a lot in his life to be miserable about.
0:12:25 > 0:12:29All I ask of Eric is just try and be nice to him.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Oh, they're not good at nice.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33They do nasty much better.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36I find they're often nicer underneath.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Underneath an anaesthetic, maybe.
0:12:40 > 0:12:41That's true.
0:12:41 > 0:12:42They're all more bearable unconscious.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46So, does he look after you brother?
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Does he 'eck!
0:12:48 > 0:12:51He says he does, but you should see the look on his face.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53You'd think Lester had a disease!
0:12:53 > 0:12:54I've been to Leicester.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56It looked all right.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Not the city!
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Cath's brother's called "Lester".
0:13:02 > 0:13:05Oh, I suppose it's better than Wolverhampton.
0:13:08 > 0:13:09It's uncanny, really, isn't it?
0:13:09 > 0:13:13How I knew that braces would be making a comeback?
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Well, I haven't seen any sign of it.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Nobody I know wears braces.
0:13:17 > 0:13:18Well, of course not.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20You only know girls.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24No, the men have a proud tradition of wearing their undies
0:13:24 > 0:13:26to destruction.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30Always find room for their favourites.
0:13:30 > 0:13:31Better the devil you know...
0:13:31 > 0:13:35The ladies spend their lives trying to snatch them off us.
0:13:35 > 0:13:36You wish!
0:13:36 > 0:13:38I mean, they're forever buying new, aren't they?
0:13:38 > 0:13:42You know, new at Christmas and at birthdays, and where do they end up?
0:13:42 > 0:13:46They end up in their packs in the bottom of a drawer.
0:13:46 > 0:13:47So, here we are -
0:13:47 > 0:13:49forever chasing the bunny.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54The league of butterfingered gentleman,
0:13:54 > 0:13:57whose undies are forever diving to their knees.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01But Arkwright's have the solution!
0:14:03 > 0:14:05I'd a phone call from our Ethel.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10She says, "Walter's passed away."
0:14:10 > 0:14:12I tell her, "Oh...
0:14:12 > 0:14:14"I'm sorry to hear that.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17"But who's Walter?"
0:14:17 > 0:14:19She says, "You know who Walter is."
0:14:19 > 0:14:21And I say, "No.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23"There's not much point in starting now, is there?"
0:14:23 > 0:14:27HE LAUGHS
0:14:33 > 0:14:34What?
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Just waiting for the sign.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40What kind of sign?
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Well, we'll know it when we see it.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44You think we'll see it?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Oh, yes.
0:14:46 > 0:14:47Yes.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51He's the sort whose undies are in for the long haul.
0:14:51 > 0:14:52What's he talking about?
0:14:57 > 0:14:58There he goes.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00That's it.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Chasing the bunny.
0:15:13 > 0:15:14CRACKLE OF ELECTRICITY
0:15:20 > 0:15:23You don't know who you're messing with, kid.
0:15:23 > 0:15:24You sure you've got the right kid?
0:15:24 > 0:15:28I don't want you parking your trolley at number 37.
0:15:28 > 0:15:29I catch it there one more time
0:15:29 > 0:15:31and you're dead.
0:15:31 > 0:15:32Dead?
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Don't you think that's a bit OTT?
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Well, what am I supposed to threaten you with -
0:15:36 > 0:15:38community service?
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Can we just clear up why you need to threaten me at all?
0:15:40 > 0:15:43That's my wife you've been parking your trolley at!
0:15:44 > 0:15:46- She's divorced. - Don't get technical.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48How do you think it looks?
0:15:48 > 0:15:51She leaves me - Wayne Ferris...
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Now you see where you went wrong?
0:15:54 > 0:15:55You've heard the name, right?
0:15:55 > 0:15:58Wayne Ferris?
0:15:58 > 0:15:59No.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Wayne Ferris!
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Rising figure in the criminal underworld!
0:16:07 > 0:16:08Maybe you've, erm...
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Maybe you've heard my, erm, street name.
0:16:13 > 0:16:14(The Undertaker.)
0:16:17 > 0:16:18- Sorry.- Oh!
0:16:18 > 0:16:21I'm on Facebook. Give me your e-mail, I'll send you some literature.
0:16:21 > 0:16:22If this is about Wendy...
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Bingo! Finally, yes!
0:16:24 > 0:16:26This is about Wendy -
0:16:26 > 0:16:30the Wendy YOU are on notice to stay away from.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32I deliver her groceries.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35My people will deliver her groceries.
0:16:35 > 0:16:36As of now,
0:16:36 > 0:16:38she's with Tesco's.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40"My people"!
0:16:40 > 0:16:42If you've got people, where are your minders?
0:16:42 > 0:16:44- I've got two of the best.- Oh.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47You know, it's just that they're...you know...
0:16:47 > 0:16:48It's their day off.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50On the same day?
0:16:50 > 0:16:52They're very fond of each other!
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Yeah? What am I supposed to do, yeah?
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Ruin their leisure time together?
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Wayne, I think you're telling porkies.
0:16:58 > 0:16:59I mean, you don't look dangerous.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01I think you're a sweetheart.
0:17:01 > 0:17:02I could kill you.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04I could kill you...
0:17:04 > 0:17:05with this finger.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08- LEROY LAUGHS - You're killing me now, Wayne!
0:17:08 > 0:17:10- You're hilarious!- No...
0:17:10 > 0:17:11No, you couldn't be more wrong.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13You stay away
0:17:13 > 0:17:15from that gorgeous little creature. All right?
0:17:15 > 0:17:19That is the first thing you've said that makes any sense.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21She is gorgeous.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23- CRACKLE OF ELECTRICITY - Oh... Oh, right!
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Oh, right! Right, that's how you want it, is it?
0:17:26 > 0:17:28- Sorry!- You crossed a line, pal.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30You crossed a line!
0:17:30 > 0:17:31Wayne, she gives me coffee.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33I was talking to you civilly,
0:17:33 > 0:17:35and you start throwing punches at me.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38- Wayne, it was just a twitch. - You, you wait...
0:17:38 > 0:17:41you wait till my minders get back from their...
0:17:41 > 0:17:42cookery classes.
0:17:46 > 0:17:47Aargh!
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Thank you. Right.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53There we are, Mrs Hussein - your change.
0:17:53 > 0:17:54Thank you very much.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57I suppose you've heard about Hazelwood Drive?
0:17:57 > 0:17:59- Number 37?- That's the one.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01No. What have you heard?
0:18:01 > 0:18:05As it happens - although, you know, I am not one for gossip...
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Yeah, somebody was telling me that.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09I think it were you.
0:18:09 > 0:18:10Well...
0:18:10 > 0:18:12she's divorced but he wants her back.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14She's spoiled rotten.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17It's his father's money - bought her the house, furnished it through.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19She's changed the curtains twice!
0:18:19 > 0:18:20Oh!
0:18:20 > 0:18:22She takes pills for an overactive thyroid.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Where do you get all this stuff?
0:18:26 > 0:18:28She fancies your Leroy.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30She feeds him coffee.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Leroy doesn't drink coffee.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34He's developing a taste for it.
0:18:34 > 0:18:35Two lumps.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40I suppose she's attractive to certain men.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Her cleaner says she wears next to nothing round the house.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Disgusting. CRACKLE OF ELECTRICITY
0:18:49 > 0:18:51He's developing a taste for coffee.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55He's using words like "latte".
0:18:58 > 0:19:00How can I compete? Eh?
0:19:01 > 0:19:05I mean, I can't start wearing next to nothing round the house.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08BELL JINGLES
0:19:08 > 0:19:09I'll be back.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19What's this little Jump-start you're offering for tired feelings?
0:19:22 > 0:19:23Come in, Cyril!
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Prepare to be amazed.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Oh, and here's another seeker of the truth.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34Even a lie, if it improves your prospects.
0:19:34 > 0:19:35There she is.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39Your pathway to a richer personal life.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Batteries not included.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43So, how much richer is your personal life
0:19:43 > 0:19:45when it's got a battery in it?
0:19:45 > 0:19:49Are we talking really personal "personal life"?
0:19:51 > 0:19:54I mean, the kind your honeymoon lures you into believing
0:19:54 > 0:19:57this could be a regular thing?
0:19:59 > 0:20:01With this little gadget,
0:20:01 > 0:20:07your scoring rate for the occasions of domestic "bliss" will rocket.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09You'd go as far as "rocket"?
0:20:09 > 0:20:11I'd settle for the stairlift.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16This thing takes all the guesswork out of it.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20This little beauty will tell you when the time is right
0:20:20 > 0:20:22to make your move.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23It has better be right -
0:20:23 > 0:20:25or I might HAVE to move.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28How come this thing knows so much?
0:20:28 > 0:20:30A little piece of plastic
0:20:30 > 0:20:32without any hormones or interest in...
0:20:33 > 0:20:34..basic messing around.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39A-ha, you see, that is where the battery comes in, don't it?
0:20:39 > 0:20:41It brings it to life.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44It stirs up the atoms
0:20:44 > 0:20:46and they all go zipping about.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48And they come in contact with the electrons.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50And the electrons then go,
0:20:50 > 0:20:53"Woop-woop-woop-woop, woop-woop-woop-woop."
0:20:53 > 0:20:54HE JOINS IN
0:20:54 > 0:20:56HE ALSO JOINS IN
0:20:56 > 0:20:57DUO START BARKING
0:20:57 > 0:20:59No! Now, stop now!
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Please!
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Let's not get into nanotechnology.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Do you want to get into nanotechnology?
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Not necessarily, at this moment in time.
0:21:13 > 0:21:14Right, now listen.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17You get her to carry one of these about or, better still,
0:21:17 > 0:21:20you slip it in her pocket.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25How long do the batteries last?
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Don't worry. I can always sell you a spare.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31- Does it come with a guarantee? - No!
0:21:31 > 0:21:34It doesn't get BBC Two, either.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40Are you in an emotionally dry place or not?
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Parched.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Then, this is your future here.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50This is where the desert blooms.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Stand there, Mr Newbold. This is girl talk.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05I'm just taking him to have his squirm removed.
0:22:07 > 0:22:08Sounds like a plan.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Do you find they have a tendency
0:22:11 > 0:22:13to hang on to their old underwear?
0:22:13 > 0:22:16Oh. You could take their appendix easier.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19The men round here develop such a deep affection
0:22:19 > 0:22:21for their familiar underwear,
0:22:21 > 0:22:23I'm surprised no-one has written an opera about it.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Why is it, do you think?
0:22:27 > 0:22:28They don't like change.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Which is fine...
0:22:30 > 0:22:31until your elastic goes.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Right, hold on, sir, just a moment.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46There we go. There, now, you see?
0:22:46 > 0:22:49You've got free access to his undies.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Would you care to rephrase that?
0:22:54 > 0:22:55A pair of braces?
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Yes, as recommended by Sigmund Freud.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01It's the shortest way to the well-adjusted male.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03I've sold eight pairs of these today already.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06But I don't wear braces.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08You see, that is your problem.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Wearing a belt,
0:23:10 > 0:23:12you can't get your hand
0:23:12 > 0:23:16down there, to haul your boxers back up.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Right?
0:23:17 > 0:23:19But now...
0:23:21 > 0:23:24..you can get both hands down there, see?
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Haul them back up,
0:23:26 > 0:23:28like that.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33OK? Instant access
0:23:33 > 0:23:34to all the help you need.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Well, don't look at me!
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Do you think we've been had?
0:23:39 > 0:23:40Again?
0:23:42 > 0:23:43Has he done it again?
0:23:44 > 0:23:48You know, he takes advantage of the fact that we're desperate.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51I always wanted to be a good lover.
0:23:51 > 0:23:52Amusing,
0:23:52 > 0:23:54considerate,
0:23:54 > 0:23:55but above all...
0:23:57 > 0:23:58..regular.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00That's what you miss.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03It's the uncertainty that gets to you.
0:24:10 > 0:24:11- BOTH:- Hey!
0:24:11 > 0:24:13- BOTH:- It works!
0:24:27 > 0:24:28DULL THUDDING
0:24:29 > 0:24:30Hmm?
0:24:30 > 0:24:32SOFT WHISTLING
0:24:43 > 0:24:45How was the coffee?
0:24:45 > 0:24:46It was just coffee.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49I met him - Wayne, the ex. Hmmp!
0:24:49 > 0:24:51He's a giggle.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Oh, can I go a bit earlier this evening?
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Where?
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Just out, meet a few friends. Usual.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02You can get done for some kinds of "usual".
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Not more coffee, I hope?
0:25:04 > 0:25:06No. Put your mind at rest.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08And stop being so suspicious.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10All right. You can go.
0:25:12 > 0:25:13I trust you.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17I don't trust him!
0:25:17 > 0:25:20He's going out and I want to see where he's going!
0:25:20 > 0:25:23How are you going to follow him if the shop's still open?
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Oh! Will you close it?
0:25:25 > 0:25:26No!
0:25:26 > 0:25:28No, no, I won't close the shop!
0:25:28 > 0:25:32I'm leaving Gastric in charge.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Oh... please, God,
0:25:34 > 0:25:37don't let Gastric screw up.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40You see, I'm borrowing Gastric's Mini,
0:25:40 > 0:25:43so I thought that you could come with me.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46Oh, I don't know that I'd be any good at following.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Oh, it won't be all following, will it?
0:25:48 > 0:25:52I mean, there will be time for us. Hmm-hm.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55ELECTRICAL CRACKLING
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Hey!
0:25:59 > 0:26:00Come on.
0:26:02 > 0:26:06You said this was going to be a little outing for us two.
0:26:06 > 0:26:07It is.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10I haven't forgotten that.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13You needn't think I'd forgotten THAT.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Oh. ELECTRICAL CRACKLING
0:26:16 > 0:26:18ELECTRICAL CRACKLING
0:26:18 > 0:26:19Oh!
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Sorry. Sorry about that.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26It just... It's my foot keeps jumping.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29It's nice to get a few minutes together.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33Madge wanted to know what we were going to do with it.
0:26:33 > 0:26:34Oh.
0:26:34 > 0:26:35ELECTRICAL CRACKLING Oh! Oh!
0:26:35 > 0:26:37TYRES SCREECH
0:26:41 > 0:26:42Eugh!
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Don't smile at me. It sets me off.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46ELECTRICAL CRACKLING
0:26:47 > 0:26:50Can you move your knee somewhere... ELECTRICAL CRACKLING
0:26:50 > 0:26:53..out of my eye-line? Ooh! Open a window!
0:26:53 > 0:26:54ELECTRICAL CRACKLING
0:26:54 > 0:26:56That perfume is dangerous!
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Argh! Oh!
0:27:11 > 0:27:12ELECTRICAL CRACKLING
0:27:22 > 0:27:25'Wow, that Mavis is attractive, even the wrong way up.'
0:27:25 > 0:27:26ELECTRICAL CRACKLING
0:27:26 > 0:27:27Oh!
0:27:36 > 0:27:38Next time, I'll drive.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41- Well...- I hope you're safer indoors.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45I suppose there's only one way to find out.
0:27:45 > 0:27:46ELECTRICAL CRACKLING
0:27:48 > 0:27:50Oh, heck! Oh.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53Oh...heck!
0:27:58 > 0:27:59Hello, Mavis.
0:28:01 > 0:28:02Hello, Granville.