0:00:02 > 0:00:04Go on, go and chat her up.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07Remember, you're a great lover.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09Your father was a great lover.
0:00:09 > 0:00:13He never said. How do you know?
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Can't wait to hear this bit.
0:00:15 > 0:00:18Well, all the ladies knew where he had a mole.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21In the garden.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26No... Not the one in the garden, no, the one on his...
0:00:28 > 0:00:30- Gets better.- It runs in the family.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33Uncle Willie, he had one.
0:00:33 > 0:00:34Well, there you are, you see.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36It's in your blood.
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Now, go and tell her that she makes your heart swell.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42It's the elbow usually.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44Are you telling me I've got tennis heart?
0:00:44 > 0:00:47No, no... Look, quick, before she gets away.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50Go and tell her you like her hair.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52I like your elbow.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Eurgh!
0:00:54 > 0:00:56She's not in a good mood.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59She's been hearing noises in the night.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02There's something going off in that house.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Not as much as there could be
0:01:04 > 0:01:09if only you would open yourself up to new experiences.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Oh, come on, they're daft as brushes.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Where is this mole exactly?
0:01:18 > 0:01:20You heard, in his garden.
0:01:39 > 0:01:40Oh!
0:01:50 > 0:01:52TILL RINGS
0:01:53 > 0:01:59COINS CLATTER
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Ha! HE CHUCKLES
0:02:10 > 0:02:11There you go.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18- Good morning.- No, it isn't. - No, it's not.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20We've just agreed that.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Because a man needs a woman in his life.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25I need one out of mine.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Sorry.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31I know what you mean, so a transfer's out of the question.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Well, don't look at me. I'm not on the transfer list.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38You know what the trouble is?
0:02:38 > 0:02:40We don't give the day a chance to get started
0:02:40 > 0:02:44- before we leap straight into it. - You leap straight into it?
0:02:44 > 0:02:46I've only seen you ever creep and stagger.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49I deny being a creep.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Ask anybody, except Mr Richardson,
0:02:52 > 0:02:55who caught me struggling with his daughter.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00I was trying to escape.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03I know the feeling.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05She's a big girl. I'm lucky to be alive.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08I hope you haven't lost us another customer.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11You've got to learn to resist their advances
0:03:11 > 0:03:13while keeping their weekly order.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16She only ever came in for small items.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20Well, she got that bit right with you, then.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Does she know that we do delivery on request?
0:03:23 > 0:03:26She was working on that assumption.
0:03:26 > 0:03:27I have to be up early.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30The dog won't lie in.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Where did your father have a mole?
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Between his leeks and his potting shed.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41I like being up at this time.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45When the world is fresh and Mrs Featherstone free.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47It's my quality time.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Well, you won't do better than that good woman.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51HE SCOFFS
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Good woman. They don't call her the Black Widow...
0:03:56 > 0:03:59I notice you keep backing off from her.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02The dedicated grocer has to remain celibate.
0:04:02 > 0:04:07We who handle people's perishables have to be above suspicion.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Thank you, Humphrey.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18You may return to your station.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- Someone's having fun. - He's more efficient than you are.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28He's my new advertising gimmick.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31You know, I can feel myself going paler and paler.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33I look like an unfried chip.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35It's hard to be efficient because I get no sun.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38It only overstimulate the hormones.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41They're notorious for it when there's plenty of sun.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44A person needs a certain amount.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45That Mrs Mauritz,
0:04:45 > 0:04:49she avoided a nasty sunburn only by being in the shade...
0:04:49 > 0:04:51of a Turkish waiter.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55I'm going to look like Dracula.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Dracula, eh?
0:04:57 > 0:05:01Sinister but still the women found him attractive.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07What if Gastric looked a bit more sinister?
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Gastric looks more like a friendly Labrador.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12He'd get more respect from Madge
0:05:12 > 0:05:15if he had a touch of the nasties from Transylvania.
0:05:18 > 0:05:19You think about it.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Eh, you need to think about how we can get rid of these
0:05:22 > 0:05:26individual Christmas puddings you bought out of season.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29I know... The price was right.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31- WOMAN:- Save me a small brown cob.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40You see what happens?
0:05:40 > 0:05:43You start talking about Dracula and the next thing you know,
0:05:43 > 0:05:47a disembodied voice is after your small brown cobs.
0:05:52 > 0:05:5510-1, that small brown cob of Mrs Alsop...
0:05:55 > 0:05:58The invisible Mrs Alsop.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01First Dracula, now Mrs Alsop, the invisible.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03I think you half believe this stuff.
0:06:03 > 0:06:08All I know is the mysterious, the unexplainable,
0:06:08 > 0:06:11is often staring us in the face.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14I know that's what your VAT inspector thinks.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Out of season Christmas puddings?
0:06:22 > 0:06:26No, it's a sneak preview of next season's Christmas puddings.
0:06:35 > 0:06:36How is Mr Newbold?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Slippery.
0:06:38 > 0:06:39I volunteered to do his ironing,
0:06:39 > 0:06:44but he seems reluctant to let me anywhere near his boxers.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46My old granny used to read tea leaves,
0:06:46 > 0:06:50but I found you can read a man much better by his choice of underwear.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Beware of jockey shorts.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54They should come with a health warning.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58I've had three husbands, all in boxers, or even baggier,
0:06:58 > 0:07:00the time it takes them to work their way out
0:07:00 > 0:07:02gives a girl time to reconsider.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Ah, Cyril's head.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21I hope it's brought the rest of you with it.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24I'm not buying. I'm just asking.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27It says, "Ask inside."
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Well, technically, you're not inside, are you?
0:07:29 > 0:07:31So, come on, come in.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35I'm not buying. Do you understand?
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Yes, I know, you've already said that.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39You don't need to repeat yourself.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43Once you've been in this shop a few times you develop a certain caution.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45I'm only asking, mind you.
0:07:45 > 0:07:50What's this high-energy food breakthrough?
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Christmas puddings?
0:07:55 > 0:07:57It's hardly the season.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01That's because you think these are ordinary Christmas puddings.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Why don't we do something different?
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Because we'd still be the same people.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12How different is that?
0:08:12 > 0:08:15There's a flaw in that logic somewhere.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19OK, why don't we do something that's not different more often?
0:08:19 > 0:08:21SHE GASPS
0:08:21 > 0:08:22I thought you'd never ask.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27I'll provide the wallpaper and paint.
0:08:35 > 0:08:36Forget it.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47This particular brand has only ever been seen
0:08:47 > 0:08:51since those flying saucers were seen hovering over Mexborough.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Because an eyewitness said they looked more like pudding basins.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Christmas puddings of alien origin?
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Dropped by a basin-shaped spaceship?
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Over Mexborough?
0:09:09 > 0:09:14Not just over Mexborough, but as far afield as Adwick-on-Dearne.
0:09:15 > 0:09:19Why would aliens be dropping Christmas puddings anywhere?
0:09:19 > 0:09:23I'm glad you asked me that because at first it puzzled me,
0:09:23 > 0:09:28but then you began to see the diabolical cleverness of it.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36- It escapes me.- And me.
0:09:36 > 0:09:41This stuff looks harmless, but it contains a secret ingredient
0:09:41 > 0:09:47that turned people onto the single-minded pursuit of pleasure.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53In Mexborough?
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Well, today Mexborough, tomorrow the world.
0:09:58 > 0:09:59You see?
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Whilst everybody is having fun and making...
0:10:02 > 0:10:05You know, making whoopee.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08..the aliens would have landed.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12How come you know all this stuff?
0:10:12 > 0:10:16Because the government is having to work closely with the grocers' federation.
0:10:16 > 0:10:21They need our expertise, which is why I'm authorised to sell...
0:10:21 > 0:10:25Well, to selected, responsible people only.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Sounds like us.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Can't argue with that.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37Well, it's people in our professional grocers' judgment
0:10:37 > 0:10:41will be able to handle the effects.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46The loss of all inhibitions.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Ooh!
0:10:53 > 0:10:57Obviously, you can't just let these go to anybody.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01You'll have people going crazy, making whoopee.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Would that be people of both genders?
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Yes, yes. And any in between.
0:11:12 > 0:11:19This harmless looking piece of duff is basically your Viagra.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Although, we recommend that you use it with...
0:11:24 > 0:11:27- Well, a little...- Champagne?
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Roses?
0:11:30 > 0:11:31Custard.
0:11:35 > 0:11:40Now, I'm going to have to ask you to take these from the shop in a brown paper bag.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42No problem.
0:11:42 > 0:11:48But first, I am required to ask you to swear an oath of silence.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Raise your right hand.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Put your left hand on the custard.
0:12:00 > 0:12:01And swear after me...
0:12:01 > 0:12:04I promise by this tin of custard...
0:12:04 > 0:12:08- BOTH:- I promise by this tin of custard...
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Which is exceedingly good value...
0:12:20 > 0:12:22I just know Kath's going to say,
0:12:22 > 0:12:25"What the hell are you doing buying Christmas puddings?!"
0:12:25 > 0:12:28So, we pick the moment and we say...
0:12:29 > 0:12:31"Hey, do you know what I fancy right now?
0:12:33 > 0:12:34"A bit of Christmas pudding."
0:12:34 > 0:12:37And make sure they eat the other half.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48Hello!
0:12:50 > 0:12:52THEY SCREAM
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Oh, you gave me a fright!
0:12:54 > 0:12:55Sh, sh! Hey, hey!
0:12:55 > 0:12:58Not allowed. If he asks, tell him I sold you a fright.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01There's a house rule against giving.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05What are you doing behind there?
0:13:05 > 0:13:08- Have you got a bed down there? - No, but it's not a bad idea.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Oh.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14No, they get me up too early, you see.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17My body clock doesn't really run on Arkwright time.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19You need a rewind.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Or just a lie in.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23At the risk of being forward,
0:13:23 > 0:13:26could I ask what you were doing behind the counter?
0:13:28 > 0:13:30- Tinkering?- Ah, yes.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33The old tinkering... It's been years since I've had a good tinker.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39We often wonder, you know,
0:13:39 > 0:13:42what goodies are available behind that counter.
0:13:42 > 0:13:46Oh, well, at the moment, a stack of Christmas puddings.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49- Don't ask.- You're pulling my leg.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Or is that wishful thinking?
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Oh, some mischievous spirit inserted into this conversation.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Yeah, yeah.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59They do, don't they? Yeah.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Sh! Did you hear that?
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Oh, give up.
0:14:08 > 0:14:09There's nobody upstairs.
0:14:09 > 0:14:10I've just checked, again.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Well, I know how thorough you are.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17You probably went up there and forgot what you went for.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19You're worse than Mrs Patrick.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21She was always hearing things.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Particularly about Mr Patrick.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26She claimed she was psychic.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Maybe I'm a bit psychic.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32It didn't stop you picking someone nasty for a husband.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35He looked so nice in a suit.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Well, what about you?
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Yours was no better.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41At least I knew that before I married him.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43So, why did you marry him?
0:14:43 > 0:14:45He told me I was pregnant.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52So, what is Madge's problem?
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Apart from her long battle against being pleasant.
0:14:55 > 0:14:59She's convinced our place is haunted now.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03Oh, well, there's always been a disturbing presence there.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06It's your Madge.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08It is.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12She's heard something going bang in the night.
0:15:14 > 0:15:15What? At your place?
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Don't knock it.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19One night, I hope it could be me.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31Never heard the bell. You're creeping up on people.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33So, this may come as something of a surprise.
0:15:38 > 0:15:39It's my fault.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44I didn't believe his Christmas pudding story,
0:15:44 > 0:15:46which led to him showing me his...
0:15:46 > 0:15:49ideas for improved workflow behind here.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Still in the planning stage.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54A few wrinkles that we need to... iron out.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04I hope it is still in the planning stage.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35I passed Madge.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38I gave her a wave.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40She gave me a look.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Oh, I can see it now.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46Her eyes were irresistibly drawn towards you, eh?
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Well, if it didn't say, "Drop-dead,"
0:16:49 > 0:16:52it were a look that said something like...
0:16:52 > 0:16:55"kindly leave the universe."
0:16:55 > 0:16:57Which we've noticed you've ignored.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02You see, Madge hasn't spotted your darker side.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04Darker side?
0:17:04 > 0:17:09So you don't think that you've got a darker side? Hm?
0:17:14 > 0:17:16CHUCKLING
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Try that.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Not bad. What is it?
0:17:27 > 0:17:31- 50p.- 50p for that?!
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Well, it includes delivery.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39What you've just eaten, Gastric, is black pudding.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Oh, I like black pudding.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Ah, you see. That shows your darker side.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46It's black pudding.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49And dammed expensive at 50p a hit.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52What's dark about black pudding, you may ask?
0:17:52 > 0:17:55Well, it's made of blood, isn't it?
0:17:55 > 0:18:00So, now we've established that you've got a taste for blood.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04Have you ever had your family history checked?
0:18:04 > 0:18:07We don't speak to some cousins in Newton-le-Fenwick.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10But that were their fault.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Have you got any relatives in Transylvania?
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Mainly Clitheroe.
0:18:18 > 0:18:19Well, that's close enough.
0:18:19 > 0:18:24It's clear to me, and to any unbiased person, Gastric,
0:18:24 > 0:18:28that you have some Dracula in your DNA.
0:18:41 > 0:18:46Oh! How are you today, Mrs Featherstone?
0:18:46 > 0:18:50Probably on the downward slope from the prime years, Granville,
0:18:50 > 0:18:55but they're still a lot here for persons of an adventurous disposition.
0:18:55 > 0:18:56HE CLEARS THROAT
0:18:56 > 0:18:58How is Mr Newbold?
0:18:58 > 0:19:01I'm still looking for his adventurous side.
0:19:01 > 0:19:05I invited him upstairs recently to remove a squirrel from my loft.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Well, you've got to test their basic skills.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10And how are his basic skills?
0:19:10 > 0:19:13I've no idea. He just removed a squirrel from my loft.
0:19:17 > 0:19:22Now, Granville, how would you like to slice me a little bacon?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Half a pound, Mrs Featherstone?
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Or, enough for any single person.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34You know, Granville, I sometimes look at you and I think,
0:19:34 > 0:19:38"Is he wasting his best years, and if so, does he need a hand?"
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Shall I leave the rind on, Mrs Featherstone?
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Oh, go along with you.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45I didn't come in here to get sporty.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Not that I couldn't, if the situation demanded it.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59Oh, go on. We're both adults. Leave it on.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06What makes you think I can shift the noises from Madge's place?
0:20:06 > 0:20:10You're going to impress Madge with your knowledge.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14- Oh, she'll just go, "Urgh!" - No, no, she won't,
0:20:14 > 0:20:20not when she hears how much you've found out about the troubled spirit
0:20:20 > 0:20:23that is roaming her house.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26- I don't believe...- Yes, you do!
0:20:26 > 0:20:34We discovered that Madge's house once belonged to...
0:20:35 > 0:20:37..a Crabist.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40- What's a Crabist? - He's glad you asked that.
0:20:43 > 0:20:48The Crabists were fanatical followers of a certain...
0:20:48 > 0:20:51- cobbler.- You see?
0:20:51 > 0:20:53Cobblers already.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57No, no... He was a prophet that arose out of Birmingham.
0:20:57 > 0:21:02His name was Barry Crab, and that is spelt cu-rah-ab-eh.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04- Right?- Shall I have to spell it?
0:21:04 > 0:21:06No, no.
0:21:06 > 0:21:07It's highly unlikely.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11All you have to do is just remember that Barry Crab was hung,
0:21:11 > 0:21:13drawn and quartered, right,
0:21:13 > 0:21:16in the year 1540 for preaching that
0:21:16 > 0:21:19heaven was just outside Stoke-on-Trent.
0:21:21 > 0:21:26So, there was once a Crabist in Madge's house.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28How does that account for the noises?
0:21:28 > 0:21:33Well, his followers all believed that Preacher Crab, right,
0:21:33 > 0:21:38would one day return as promised.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Am I to remember all this?
0:21:42 > 0:21:46Very unlikely. If you can't remember, just go into a trance.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48How do I do that?
0:21:48 > 0:21:50That's it. Well done.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53That's it. Just do that. Perfect.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12While Leroy is getting Gastric ready for Madge,
0:22:12 > 0:22:18I thought I might interest you in a little bit of grocer's delight.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Last time we got interrupted.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23I know, but I've told Leroy to take his time.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26I never know what to wear for being interrupted.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29I wish I'd worn something nicer.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Oh, no, don't worry. You look great.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41- How does he look?- Early!
0:22:43 > 0:22:46- Well, we can come back later. - No, it's too late.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48Why is he wearing make-up?
0:22:48 > 0:22:50I were wondering that.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53If I see any mates, they'll be wondering that.
0:22:53 > 0:22:59Gastric is going to impress Madge by banishing the spirits from her room,
0:22:59 > 0:23:03so we're trying to lift his image to look a bit more...
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Well, you know, sinister.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08I still don't know why I'm dressed up like a tart.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12It's all right. You look...
0:23:12 > 0:23:14You look dishy.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18No, no. I don't mean dishy, I mean... What do I mean?
0:23:20 > 0:23:21Ludicrous.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Yes, ludicrous... No, not ludicrous.
0:23:25 > 0:23:30No, no. He's dressed like that to stop Madge thinking that...
0:23:30 > 0:23:32What?
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Oh, tell him, will you, Leroy?
0:23:34 > 0:23:38- Oh, yeah, pass it to me. - Tell me what?
0:23:38 > 0:23:39Mavis?
0:23:42 > 0:23:46Well, it's because she thinks you're a...
0:23:46 > 0:23:48She kind of sees you as...
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Or you could say she has this impression of you as...
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Of course, I could be wrong.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Madge thinks you're a wally.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01And of course, you are a wally.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03But a nice wally.
0:24:03 > 0:24:07Oh, for a moment, I thought you were going to say something rude to me.
0:24:13 > 0:24:18CAR HORN BLARES
0:24:18 > 0:24:20TYRES SCREECH
0:24:26 > 0:24:28CLATTERING
0:24:28 > 0:24:30- Sh!- I'm sorry.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Right, the ladder's up near Madge's window where she won't see it.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36I'm not clamouring up there again.
0:24:36 > 0:24:37It's not for you.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39It's for me.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42I'm going to go up the ladder, in through the window,
0:24:42 > 0:24:45and then I'm going to stomp about
0:24:45 > 0:24:51- and then I'm going to come out and nip back down the ladder.- All right.
0:24:51 > 0:24:52I think.
0:24:52 > 0:24:58And all you've got to do is command Barry Crab to leave the premises.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Right, I remember that bit.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03- I can do that.- Right, good.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06My hero. You will be flavour of the month.
0:25:06 > 0:25:07Which month?
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Don't confuse him any more, will you?
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Right, hold the bottom.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19I can't sleep in that room.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Then you'll have to sleep in my room.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Well, you've got cold feet.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Well, I sleep with them.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27BANGING
0:25:27 > 0:25:28Listen!
0:25:28 > 0:25:32BANGING
0:25:40 > 0:25:41Have no fear.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43The spirit shifter's here.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Oh, give him a try.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48What have you got to lose?
0:25:51 > 0:25:53What a place to leave a ladder.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Someone might walk into it.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Or walk off with it.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59We'll put it in Granville's yard.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02I'm getting a good feeling.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Doing something for the community.
0:26:05 > 0:26:06That Eric...
0:26:07 > 0:26:10..they'll say...
0:26:10 > 0:26:12public spirited.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15That Eric, they'll say, making a bog off carrying a ladder.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17It's heavier than it looks.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21So, is life since Mrs Featherstone.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26BANGING
0:26:32 > 0:26:35BANGING
0:26:35 > 0:26:38That sounds to me like...
0:26:39 > 0:26:41..Barry Crab.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45I command thee,
0:26:45 > 0:26:46leave this house!
0:26:48 > 0:26:50BANGING STOPS
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Argh!
0:27:14 > 0:27:18Urgh! Aw! Ooh!
0:27:18 > 0:27:19Ooh!
0:27:24 > 0:27:26I'm sorry, Mrs Featherstone.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29No, this is more excitement than I've had all week.
0:27:37 > 0:27:41'I must stop lying on Mrs Featherstone.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44'I'd like to know who moved that ladder.
0:27:52 > 0:27:57'Still, at least Gastric finally got a smile from Madge.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59'At least he thought it was a smile.
0:28:03 > 0:28:07'Lord, keep us free from all flying basins tonight.
0:28:10 > 0:28:14'A powerful grip, that Mrs Featherstone.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17'Who would believe it took ten minutes to wriggle free?'