0:00:10 > 0:00:13You let Old Man Bracket sell you too many.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16They're fresh from his allotment.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18It were a steal.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20You know why it was a steal.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22He's grown too many, and he can't get rid.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25- Neither can you.- Just watch this space.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27You couldn't get rid of Dr Proctor's nerve tonic,.
0:00:27 > 0:00:31That were different, weren't it? Now we're professionals.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33Watch this. Watch this.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Good day to you, Mrs Teasdale,
0:00:36 > 0:00:40don't tell me you intend walking past these lovely fresh turnips?
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Turnips? Oh, we're into quinoa.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48Last year she thought that quinoa was near Benidorm.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13HE SNIFFS
0:01:13 > 0:01:14HE SIGHS
0:01:17 > 0:01:21Some girl was making a lot of noise in this doorway last night.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Woke you up, did she?
0:01:23 > 0:01:24Very much. I was with her.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28She never stops yakking.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Worth it though, if you just ignore it and keep snogging.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35She's going to uni next month.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37I expect they'll ruin her for normal purposes.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04We're going to have to put a muzzle on this till.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06I think I'm in love with someone gobby and intelligent.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Intelligence would do you no good at all.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Gobby gets things done.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14She wanted to know what I thought about Salvador Dali.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17I told her, I don't even know who he plays for.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21She immediately withdrew my snogging privileges.
0:02:22 > 0:02:26Snogging? I thought you said that she were a talker.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Yeah, she talks through it.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32- Morning.- Good morning, Gastric.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Right, what do I fancy for breakfast?
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Turnip.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40For breakfast?
0:02:40 > 0:02:42It's the new quinoa.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44You enjoyed it yesterday.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46I had bacon and eggs yesterday.
0:02:46 > 0:02:50Yes, you did, with thin fried slices of turnip.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52You said how much you enjoyed it.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55I never came in here twice yesterday morning?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57I were working on a roof.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Oh, dear, your memory's going.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05We've seen it coming, me and Leroy. Don't you remember?
0:03:05 > 0:03:06Madge was in here.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10She gave you a kiss.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12I don't remember that.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15She usually goes, "Eww"!
0:03:17 > 0:03:19It's worse than we thought.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22I'm saying nothing.
0:03:22 > 0:03:23You see...
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Leroy's too choked up to speak.
0:03:27 > 0:03:28He said to me, he said,
0:03:28 > 0:03:32he was getting so worried about Gastric losing his memory permanently.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35I said, "No, don't you worry, Leroy," I said.
0:03:35 > 0:03:40I said, "You're forgetting that we have the cure."
0:03:40 > 0:03:41There's a cure?
0:03:41 > 0:03:46Yes. Treasured since Roman times for restoring the memory.
0:03:49 > 0:03:50A turnip?
0:03:50 > 0:03:54A turnip. They never went anywhere without their raw turnip.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57That's why they had short swords.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Because the rest of the scabbard was filled up with raw turnip.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Here we are, Cyril.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20Please accept this small, free gift, with our compliments.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23What is it?
0:04:23 > 0:04:26It's one of nature's premier remedies.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30You put it around your ankles, and it keeps the smidges away.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Raw turnip round your ankles?
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Yes, well, we don't recommend it mashed.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39It doesn't have the same prophylactic effect.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43And what are smidges?
0:04:43 > 0:04:44You mean midges.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46No, no, midges are visible.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50Smidges are too small to be seen with the naked eye.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53So how do you know that they're there?
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Well, you don't, of course, unless you have a smidge detector.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Don't tell me you haven't got a smidge detector?
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Oh, dear, oh dear.
0:05:05 > 0:05:06Oh.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11Never mind, here you are, one smidge detector.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13There you go.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17It changes colour if the little beggars are about.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19And, of course, you can tell they're about now,
0:05:19 > 0:05:21because five minutes ago that were blue.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Because that holds your slice of turnip in place
0:05:25 > 0:05:28when you put it round your ankle.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Why round your ankle?
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Because that's where they are, aren't they, the smidges -
0:05:34 > 0:05:36they're not high-flyers.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38No, smidges are very, very low.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40They're sneaky. They come in low like that,
0:05:40 > 0:05:44they go EEH, they hit you on the ankle, and go DZZZ like that.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46And SPLAT - they've gone.
0:05:49 > 0:05:50So no serious effects, then?
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Well...
0:05:54 > 0:05:59Er, no. Not if you don't mind losing all of your masculine vigour.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05Not to mention your interest in the...opposite sex.
0:06:07 > 0:06:08No, please, don't let me keep you.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12How much?
0:06:12 > 0:06:14£4.25.
0:06:14 > 0:06:15What, for a rubber band?
0:06:15 > 0:06:18But you do get the turnip absolutely free.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Are you sure this is going to work?
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Trust me. It's one of my best advertising gimmicks.
0:06:29 > 0:06:33Oh, excuse me. Do you mind taking a look at this?
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Do you recognise this man?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37I know he lives in this area.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40He promised he'd write, but, of course, he never has.
0:06:41 > 0:06:42Wait, that's...
0:06:42 > 0:06:43Hmmm.
0:06:45 > 0:06:46Very unfamiliar.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Dodgy, but unfamiliar.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Then would you mind keeping it and showing it to your customers?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53I'll be back later, thank you.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Eh, she had...
0:06:55 > 0:06:57I know that. Come on.
0:06:58 > 0:06:5920p for that apple.
0:06:59 > 0:07:00You must be joking!
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Don't be alarmed, Mr Newbould, it's only me.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Or should that be "I"?
0:07:09 > 0:07:13Whatever. It's only us.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Ah, there you are.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18Don't mind me. You carry on with whatever you're doing.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Whatever it is.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Reading?
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Straining the brain, Mr Newbould.
0:07:25 > 0:07:26I've seen it happen.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29It's only my stamp album, it's hardly a strain.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32I had to ban my second husband from reading anything exciting when he
0:07:32 > 0:07:35threw off his pyjamas and claimed the right to sleep naked.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41How are you on pyjamas, Mr Newbould?
0:07:42 > 0:07:46I'm for them. The thicker the better.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47I knew I could rely on you.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Oh, drinking already?
0:07:52 > 0:07:54It's only my sister's home-made wine.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57May I offer you a glass?
0:07:57 > 0:08:01You may. Though it won't further your naughtier intentions.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04I have an iron constitution.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06I don't doubt that for a moment.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10And I'm unaware of any naughty intentions.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Oh, they'll be there. They always are.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16Even my third husband came alive if he I fed him too many carbohydrates.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19This is rather strong.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24Pleasant, but one never knows what punch may lurk
0:08:24 > 0:08:25in these home-made things.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Mm! Oh, yes.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33That is very pleasant.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39I think we'll do that again.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Whose pram might that be?
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Why ask me? Am I the local know it all?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54- Usually.- It's true.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57And now I'm feeling challenged, because I don't know
0:08:57 > 0:09:00who's recently been filling prams round here.
0:09:00 > 0:09:04I hope young Leroy's chickens haven't come home to roost.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08Don't say that. I always think Leroy is such a charmer.
0:09:08 > 0:09:09So, yes, of course, you could be right.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14It's one of his advertising stunts.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Where does he come up with these things?
0:09:18 > 0:09:20I wonder where he got t'pram?
0:09:20 > 0:09:21I wonder where he got t'baby.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24I usually know who's scattering THEM about.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26There can't be a baby in.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Even he wouldn't leave a baby outside.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Unless there's a profit in it.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07- You wanted to see me?- Yes.
0:10:07 > 0:10:08Yes. Come in.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13And what have you been up to?
0:10:15 > 0:10:16Not a lot, lately.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20I'm saying lately, I mean ages.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22There an angry female looking for you.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26I'm married. Tell me something I don't know.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31This is not Cath.
0:10:31 > 0:10:36This is another angry female, one that we don't know.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Did she say what it was about?
0:10:38 > 0:10:41No, but she didn't look too pleased.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43So not only is there a strange woman looking for me,
0:10:43 > 0:10:45it's a strange woman in a bad mood?
0:10:46 > 0:10:48It's typical.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52Where did I get this gift for arousing female hostility?
0:10:52 > 0:10:57Well, hell hath no fury. Who have you been scorning lately, Eric?
0:10:57 > 0:11:00- Hey, hey.- Ah!
0:11:00 > 0:11:01You didn't give them my address?
0:11:01 > 0:11:04No, no, no, I didn't. No, calm down.
0:11:04 > 0:11:05Relax.
0:11:07 > 0:11:08I can help you there.
0:11:08 > 0:11:09Yeah.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Cath's going to kill me.
0:11:17 > 0:11:18Why, what have you done?
0:11:18 > 0:11:22Nothing I can remember. She'll think of something.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24You're going to need one of these.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Help you calm your nerves.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Have you seen my brother-in-law?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Don't you think one turnip in the family is enough?
0:11:33 > 0:11:38With some people it's rocks, with others it's turnips.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42What you do is you hold it, you stroke it,
0:11:42 > 0:11:46and it will lead you peacefully to your calm centre.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54I'm going to look a right muffin stroking it.
0:11:56 > 0:12:01Not only will this turnip bring you immediate tranquillity,
0:12:01 > 0:12:05but a recent survey of 78% of people
0:12:05 > 0:12:10reported it stimulated their partner's urge
0:12:10 > 0:12:12to possess them.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21£4.75.
0:12:21 > 0:12:22£4.75?!
0:12:22 > 0:12:25Ah! But it includes...
0:12:27 > 0:12:28Free of charge.
0:12:37 > 0:12:38Right, now watch this.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49Right. You give the customer a fright.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54And then be ready with your Dr Proctor's nerve tonic.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57You can put your spider away.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00It won't work. In my opinion, no chance.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08As I looked from my window I accidentally saw you last night
0:13:08 > 0:13:11in the shop doorway. With the one who's going to uni.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15You seemed very interested in higher education.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18She only gave me a B minus.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21You should go where there's a chance of straight As.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Now then, how may we help you?
0:13:25 > 0:13:26I don't want a turnip.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30We've got a special offer on nerve tonic.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Why would I need nerve tonic?
0:13:32 > 0:13:35I'm only modestly educated, but a rock of stability.
0:13:37 > 0:13:38SHE SCREAMS
0:13:40 > 0:13:41I'll take it.
0:13:50 > 0:13:51Ow!
0:13:52 > 0:13:54So who's this woman who's looking for you?
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Ain't it marvellous how word travels round here?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00So who is she?
0:14:00 > 0:14:02I don't know!
0:14:02 > 0:14:04You'll probably know before I do.
0:14:06 > 0:14:11Oh, put your leg away, Cyril, there's no such thing as smidges.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14How do you know if you can't see them?
0:14:14 > 0:14:16I'm just taking precautions.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18I wish I was.
0:14:18 > 0:14:19There's a woman looking for me.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Oh. So you've got some memory, then?
0:14:23 > 0:14:25I'm joking.
0:14:27 > 0:14:28I'm joking!
0:14:31 > 0:14:34And that will stop the smidges?
0:14:34 > 0:14:35Oh, yes.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38It's the only effective countermeasure when used
0:14:38 > 0:14:41in conjunction with your slice of turnip.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Is he on special offer?
0:14:49 > 0:14:52We're nearly finished, Mrs Featherstone.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54He's got a hole in his sock.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Well, I didn't know it was going to be on show.
0:14:57 > 0:15:02Yes, well, it is a diagnostic tool, Mrs Featherstone.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Show me a hole in a sock, and I'll show you where the smidges have been.
0:15:05 > 0:15:06Smidges eat your socks?
0:15:09 > 0:15:12I am looking at you, Granville,
0:15:12 > 0:15:17through the glow of Mr Newbould's sister's home-made wine.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22It's tilted your hat, Mrs Featherstone.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25Oh, it's tilted more than that, Granville.
0:15:25 > 0:15:29In fact, I am leaning towards...
0:15:31 > 0:15:35Put your boots on outside, Gastric!
0:15:35 > 0:15:40The next few moments are not for those with holes in their socks.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Good luck with the next few moments, Granville.
0:15:46 > 0:15:51My relationship with Mr Newbould gathers pace, Granville.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Oh, he's a good man.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55I'd hang onto him, you know.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58However, let it be known, that for the right party,
0:15:58 > 0:16:00there is still time.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03Time? Yes, yes, just look at the time.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Oh, dear.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08Would you take me as I am, Granville?
0:16:13 > 0:16:14What, now?
0:16:14 > 0:16:16With a slightly tilted hat.
0:16:17 > 0:16:21Have you ever seen me in disarray before, Granville?
0:16:21 > 0:16:24- No.- Well, this hat is just the start of it.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25For the right party,
0:16:25 > 0:16:28Delphine Featherstone can do disarray
0:16:28 > 0:16:31with the best of them.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Oh, gods, that one's ugly.
0:17:13 > 0:17:14It's a bit cold.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18And life is going to stay that way until I get some answers.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Who is this woman who's looking for you?
0:17:21 > 0:17:25Cath, this time I'm innocent.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29I am pure snow white. I hope it's not blinding you.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32I don't know who the woman is.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36All right.
0:17:36 > 0:17:37Well, let's start at...
0:17:39 > 0:17:41WHY would this woman be looking for you?
0:17:44 > 0:17:45I have no idea.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47What have you been up to? And when?
0:17:48 > 0:17:51And stop fiddling with your foot. What's that you've got around it?
0:17:52 > 0:17:55Oh, you're wearing ankle bracelets now?
0:17:57 > 0:17:58It's a smidge detector.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02You can't see them with the naked eye.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07And you wonder why I'm convinced you're not reliable?
0:18:13 > 0:18:14I bought one for you too.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18It helps keep your turnip in place.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Eric, am I missing something?
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Have you been replaced by something from outer space?
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Right, you're all loaded up.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Oh, and listen, when you get to Mrs Atkinson's...
0:18:44 > 0:18:45Yes.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48When you get to Mrs Atkinson's, knock three times...
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Pause. And three times again.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55She's nervous. She won't open up to strangers.
0:18:57 > 0:18:58What are you doing?
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Mrs Featherstone seriously bent my spider.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04She has the same affect on me.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Anyway, you're going to serve Mrs Featherstone in future.
0:19:08 > 0:19:09What kind of future's that?
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Now, watch this.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Little gag for Mavis.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24I'll show her what she does to this beating heart.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Thank you, as ever, Mrs Hussein.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Oh, er...
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Can I tempt you with a turnip?
0:19:41 > 0:19:43You can tempt me with or without, Leroy.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Speaking of turnips...
0:19:51 > 0:19:53You should be ashamed of yourself.
0:19:59 > 0:20:03Oh, Nora, the women are born sharp-tongued round here.
0:20:03 > 0:20:08Speaking of which, who's this female that's been looking for you?
0:20:08 > 0:20:10I keep telling you, I've no idea.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13Come on, you can tell me.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15I never shopped you about that barmaid, did I?
0:20:15 > 0:20:16What barmaid?
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Keep your voice down!
0:20:19 > 0:20:21It were perfectly innocent.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25We had a mutual interest in... Japanese prints.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31She were in awe of my expertise.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34In that particular field.
0:20:34 > 0:20:35Which field?
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Japanese prints!
0:20:45 > 0:20:46Chuffing hell!
0:20:51 > 0:20:57Oh, where are we going for mischievous night?
0:20:57 > 0:20:59That's months away.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Haven't you got anything nearer?
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Oh no, see, that's the old one,
0:21:03 > 0:21:08the new mischievous night is being formally opened in the back of the shop
0:21:08 > 0:21:10after closing.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Is this where I lose another earring?
0:21:12 > 0:21:13I hope so.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Me too.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20You know that you make my heart go pitter pat, pitter pat.
0:21:25 > 0:21:26It's OK.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29It's just my little joke.
0:21:29 > 0:21:30SHE SCREAMS
0:21:46 > 0:21:48It's you, isn't it? You're the one.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52I've never seen this woman before! And I can prove it!
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Relax. We bought your mum's house.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00She said you'd be in touch and tell us where everything is.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02We can't even find the stopcock.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Oh!
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Oh, I'm sorry.
0:22:06 > 0:22:07She never said anything to me.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10She's getting forgetful.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Look, I'll come with you and show you.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Great. Thank you.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17And congratulations.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Oh, no, no, it's not a baby.
0:22:23 > 0:22:24It's a turnip.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33He looked so pathetic and innocent, for a minute I almost believed him.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Bad move. They do that.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37They think innocence is some sort of excuse.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Get nasty. Go for it.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41What are the odds he'll be innocent?
0:22:41 > 0:22:43And if he is, then you can give him double grief
0:22:43 > 0:22:45the next time he slips up.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56I knew it. >
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Knock three times.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04Pause and then knock three again.
0:23:08 > 0:23:09Pause.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30How could you think that I'd be involved with another woman?
0:23:30 > 0:23:34OK, you may be innocent this time, but it doesn't give you a free pass.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Ah.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40But it shows that deep down, you think I'm unreliable.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42You were talking to a turnip.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48They can be surprisingly comforting under times of great stress.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Eric, it's a turnip.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57IT has a name.
0:24:08 > 0:24:09You're back quick.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13Number 14, what goes off in there?
0:24:13 > 0:24:15What do you mean what goes off in there?
0:24:15 > 0:24:20Well, I gave the secret knock, you know, and this naked arm came out.
0:24:20 > 0:24:26And it was naked way beyond where an arm usually finishes.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30She's a bit eccentric. She wears a swimming costume to do her housework.
0:24:30 > 0:24:31She's harmless.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33Why, does she go swimming?
0:24:33 > 0:24:34How would I know?
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Well, you know the secret knock.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Have you been splashing about in there?
0:24:40 > 0:24:42She feeds me plum cake.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44She makes great plum cake.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47She's not exactly dressed for baking, is she?
0:24:48 > 0:24:50That's why she needs the special knock.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54- She's not exactly going to open the door to anybody when she's dressed like that, is she?- No.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Now what are you plotting?
0:25:00 > 0:25:02I've got to get the black widow off my back,
0:25:02 > 0:25:06she's not moving fast enough with Mr Newbould.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09You can't throw that poor man into the jaws of Mrs Featherstone.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Self defence, Leroy. Self defence.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Anyway, I'll make it up to him once they're married.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22French colonial stamps, mint condition,
0:25:22 > 0:25:24entire collection, for sale.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27French colonial? That's my field.
0:25:27 > 0:25:31Is it? What a coincidence!
0:25:31 > 0:25:36I'm sure they said French colonial. But I'm only repeating what I heard.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Number 14?
0:25:38 > 0:25:42Yes, but she won't answer unless she gets the special knock.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Which is...
0:25:46 > 0:25:47Pause.
0:25:50 > 0:25:51There.
0:25:51 > 0:25:52She must be a keen collector.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Oh, yes, she is.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58I thought it was only of young grocers, but...
0:26:08 > 0:26:13How very encouraging of you, to invite me on this little drive, Granville.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16But why are we parking here?
0:26:17 > 0:26:20Just taking a breather, Mrs Featherstone.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Oh, look who's coming.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28Oh, I hope he's not following me.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30They get obsessed with you.
0:26:30 > 0:26:31Well, you know how it is.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Oh! You're a tall person.
0:26:46 > 0:26:47Did you see that?
0:26:47 > 0:26:51Oh, that - I'll deal with him later.
0:26:52 > 0:26:53Ah!
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Oh, no, Mrs Featherstone. Smidge!
0:26:55 > 0:26:59Smidge attack! And I've got cramp. It's cramp.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Yes, it is. It's cramp.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Ooh. Ah.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Ooh. Hey.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08Sorry. I've got cramp.
0:27:08 > 0:27:09And it's, oh, look at that,
0:27:09 > 0:27:13it's changed the colour of the elastic in my underwear.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17No, it's cramp. I have to walk it off, you see.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Sorry, Mrs Featherstone.
0:27:19 > 0:27:20Oh!
0:27:20 > 0:27:23Well, well, well.
0:27:23 > 0:27:27Look who's caused the elastic in his underpants to change colour.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29SHE CHUCKLES
0:27:29 > 0:27:32He may fight it, but he's yours, Delphine.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37If you wait I'm sure I can find some stamps!
0:27:42 > 0:27:44I thought she had some French colonials.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48Most of them, I should think, dressed like that.
0:27:53 > 0:27:58It's amazing how that Mrs Featherstone really fills a small car.
0:27:58 > 0:28:01There seemed to be no air.
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Just the scent of lavender.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06And the creek of corsetry under stress.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15Oh, preserve our Leroy, Lord,
0:28:15 > 0:28:20from the perils which lie in the way for personable young grocers.
0:28:20 > 0:28:25And if he has to stumble, let it lead to a sizeable weekly order.