0:00:02 > 0:00:03BELL DINGS
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Hmm.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15You're taking crude commercial advantage of me.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17You look great.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19I look like a banana.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22You look as though you're born to be a banana.
0:00:24 > 0:00:30Look, what we're doing here is we are creating customer interest.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33You say "we," but look who's wearing this thing.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36You're playing the lead in this production.
0:00:36 > 0:00:41Oh, well, I am flattered that you think I've got the emotional range
0:00:41 > 0:00:43to be a convincing banana.
0:00:43 > 0:00:49Listen, today a banana, and tomorrow, who knows?
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Hey, I've got this image of a stick of celery.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Oh!
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Oh!
0:01:25 > 0:01:27CASH REGISTER RINGS
0:01:30 > 0:01:32COINS JINGLE
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Come on.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43HE LAUGHS
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Come on.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Oh! Wait, wait for it.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56You may.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Go on.
0:02:01 > 0:02:02Oh!
0:02:02 > 0:02:06All right, Arkwright, don't get overexcited.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Let's try and keep it civilised, hey?
0:02:09 > 0:02:12It too early to be civilised.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14It's only half past barbarian.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18You, you should be jumping out of bed in the morning
0:02:18 > 0:02:22thirsting to get to grips with your first customer.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Yesterday that was Mrs Lewis.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Oh, right, I take your point.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31Anyway, Leroy, you're not showing enough keenness.
0:02:31 > 0:02:36Just remember that one day all of this will be yours.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38You're going to leave all of this to a banana?
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Stop moaning. It worked, though, didn't it?
0:02:41 > 0:02:44Yeah, for you. All I got was greenfly!
0:02:44 > 0:02:46BELL DINGS
0:02:52 > 0:02:56I suppose we ought to be grateful it's not a four by four.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59We can't leave it outside, it'll get nicked.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03To you this is just a tandem, but to us, she's... Well, she's family.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05She shares our pain.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09You know, I've always thought the best way to ease pain is a bit of
0:03:09 > 0:03:11therapeutic spending.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Messrs Arkwright and Son extend a warm welcome
0:03:14 > 0:03:18to practising members of the consumer society.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Didn't you used to be a banana?
0:03:25 > 0:03:27I'm trying to forget.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Would you mind telling me what you come in for,
0:03:31 > 0:03:35- and get that thing out of here.- We want energy snacks.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Healthy bites for athlete reaching for the limits.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Aye, something to see us through the agony.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Well, I've got granary bars.
0:03:44 > 0:03:48Sugar-free whole-wheat crunches.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Bacon buttys.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Thought you'd never ask.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Oh, nice job, Gastric.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05I'm not usually that sure about anything.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08Oh, I knew you'd like it. She'll find fault.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Did you wipe the floor mats?
0:04:13 > 0:04:16Both sides. You could eat a meal off them.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19So that's how you learned your table manners.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21I've been thinking, Madge...
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Don't strain yourself for me.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Close your clacker a minute and listen to what he's got to say.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31We should go out for a meal sometime, I'd get dressed up,
0:04:31 > 0:04:35- you wouldn't know me.- I don't know you.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38You ought to get out more, Madge, get a life.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40A meal with him?
0:04:40 > 0:04:43I've seen him at work on a sandwich.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45It'll be all right if I stay off things that splash.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48You could splash walnuts.
0:04:50 > 0:04:55- Don't give up.- No way, I'm making progress. She used to ignore me.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Now she insults me to my face.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59THEY LAUGH
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Is this loaf fresh?
0:05:08 > 0:05:11This crust is dry.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15Dry, hard, and a specially designed by our leading brain scientists
0:05:15 > 0:05:18to keep out the crumb fly.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23That's a new one on me, crumb fly.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26But you've seen the trail that it leaves, haven't you?
0:05:26 > 0:05:28You know, the crumbs everywhere.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29We all find crumbs.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32And I bet you've scolded your husband, haven't you,
0:05:32 > 0:05:36for leaving crumbs about when all the time it's been the crumb fly?
0:05:36 > 0:05:39I wouldn't say scold.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41I make him clean them up.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44And I suspect he hasn't heard of crumb fly, either.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47He will have heard of the saying, "Oh, crumbs,"
0:05:47 > 0:05:54which dates back to the great plague of the crumb fly in 1460 something
0:05:54 > 0:05:58or other, when they had to evacuate Birmingham.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Well, I've never seen one.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Well, of course, you won't, Madame, will you? Because it...
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Pardon me. ..takes a professional.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09But you're sure there's none in this loaf?
0:06:09 > 0:06:13Well, how about I give it another run through my crumb fly detective
0:06:13 > 0:06:16- for you?- I'd feel better.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Yeah. Won't be a moment.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Excuse me.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24SQUEAKING
0:06:26 > 0:06:27There we are.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Guaranteed crumb fly free.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33That'll be 10p, but worth it just for the peace of mind,
0:06:33 > 0:06:37- don't you think?- How do these flies manage to stay unseen?
0:06:37 > 0:06:42You never know that they've been, because they work in gangs.
0:06:43 > 0:06:48See, they come along and they send one of the gang into the bread,
0:06:48 > 0:06:50and he's in there, sorting it out,
0:06:50 > 0:06:53and he's throwing the crumbs out, like that,
0:06:53 > 0:06:55to his mates that are on the outside.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59They're very organised.
0:06:59 > 0:07:04You're looking at the insect equivalent of five O-levels.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10Anyway, that's £1.50, plus 10p for the test.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26When do I get to ride in front?
0:07:26 > 0:07:30When you're ready for that amount of responsibility.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32I'm ready to change this saddle.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34This thing's got attitude.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Well, it's no picnic in the hot seat.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40It's me who takes the full impact of any collision.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Then, I recommend we don't have one.
0:07:42 > 0:07:46You'll be safe behind me, while I'm out on a limb here,
0:07:46 > 0:07:48on top of which I had to the navigating.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54- Wait! What are you...what are you playing at?!- Argh!
0:07:54 > 0:07:55Argh!
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Get off me.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Oh!
0:08:03 > 0:08:05HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:08:07 > 0:08:11What happens when I go brown and start turning to mush?
0:08:11 > 0:08:14There's nothing looks worse than yesterday's banana.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Why are you wearing dark glasses?
0:08:16 > 0:08:19- You think I want to be recognised? - Come along, man up.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23We don't want to be known as people who are selling bananas of low
0:08:23 > 0:08:26self-esteem, do we?
0:08:27 > 0:08:29What's your worst nightmare?
0:08:29 > 0:08:34- You know that, it's the black widow. - Good luck for mashed bananas.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38No, no, let me, you let me in, you swine, you...
0:08:38 > 0:08:39BELL RINGS
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Was that a banana I saw you with, Granville?
0:08:44 > 0:08:48Stick to your own kind, we peel just as easily.
0:08:48 > 0:08:52- How is Mr Newbold?- Beating a path to my door.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Sometimes he overwhelms me. How long before he gets his
0:08:55 > 0:08:58forceful, masculine way?
0:08:58 > 0:09:03I can't see you being overwhelmed, Mrs Featherstone.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05I saw you frightening a policeman.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08A perfect stranger and he told me I was speeding.
0:09:08 > 0:09:13No, no, Granville, there is a timid female inside here waiting for
0:09:13 > 0:09:16someone who has the nerve to explore.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20Grab me, Granville, before its too late.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24Oh, oh, excuse me, I've got to check my reserve stock.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28Oh, oh, you've got a wicked way with words.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32Secure me now, before Mr Newbold becomes the fourth Mr Featherstone.
0:09:32 > 0:09:37He's a good man. He deserves to be happy,
0:09:37 > 0:09:41but you should marry him anyway.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Well, don't think you could have me as a bit on the side if I marry.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48Although, I would recommend that you check that decision periodically.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56Why? Why do they want to go round Britain by tandem?
0:09:56 > 0:10:01They're blood brothers. It's a symbol of their male bonding.
0:10:01 > 0:10:06Two spirits, joined as one, in search of action and adventure.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09THEY LAUGH
0:10:11 > 0:10:15- I think it's great.- You thought him you married was great.
0:10:15 > 0:10:16I didn't like to contradict him.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Well, no wonder your marriage failed.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22Did you try being nasty? That gets far better results.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25- Hey, we're not all as gifted as you. - I don't do so badly.
0:10:25 > 0:10:29- Ask anybody.- Ask gastric. You're rotten to him.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33Gastric was designed for punishment.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36I always thought you got more by being nice.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38So, what did I get?
0:10:38 > 0:10:40- Pregnant.- There's nice and there's nice.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42I know that now!
0:10:43 > 0:10:47I always found being unpleasant was the best form of contraception.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51I used to fake a runny nose and sniffle a lot.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53- That worked for me.- I thought you were poorly.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57I know, I was good, wasn't I?
0:10:57 > 0:11:00You don't need any tricks, you just say no.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- Don't they sulk?- Of course they sulk, get used to it.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07It's all right for you, you've got somebody amiable.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09I always used to settle for well-trained.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13You'd have been fast tracked for promotion in the SS.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18I applied, but they had no vacancies.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Mine looked really good on our wedding pictures.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Really happy.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Thanks to the best man.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Oh, you thought it was your husband's best friend.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32I did. Especially when he ran off with him.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Are you going to read those or are they just so you can come in,
0:11:51 > 0:11:53- and annoy me?- Bit of both.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55When are we going out for a meal?
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Never.
0:11:57 > 0:12:02Oh, as soon as that, better wash my hair.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04"The Handbook Of Western Philosophy."
0:12:04 > 0:12:07I was going to wait for the movie, but...
0:12:11 > 0:12:12All right.
0:12:23 > 0:12:28- Hello, Mavis.- Hello, Granville.
0:12:28 > 0:12:29Alone at last.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Not for long, I bet.
0:12:32 > 0:12:36You're just in time to see my collection of Victorian cheese slices.
0:12:36 > 0:12:40You certainly know how to tempt a person.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42I wonder how many girls have gone wrong
0:12:42 > 0:12:45falling for an invitation like that.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47I can't imagine.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49But let's see if we can add one.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53They warn you against everything but cheese slices.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56I have an admission to make.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59I don't actually have a collection of Victorian cheese slices.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02So I've been tricked and misled?
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Oh, well,
0:13:04 > 0:13:07feels all right so far.
0:13:07 > 0:13:08And it could get better.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11You'd talk me into anything.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14I've forgotten what I came in for now.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17You see, I now have a dilemma.
0:13:17 > 0:13:22Because I don't have a collection of Victorian cheese slices,
0:13:22 > 0:13:25I wonder what it is we're going to do.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Don't ask me.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30You know what I'm like at decisions.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Fortunately, I do have an idea.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Is this the idea that's just getting interesting,
0:13:38 > 0:13:41and somebody comes into the shop?
0:13:41 > 0:13:46That's the one. And then I serve them like lightning.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48And I'm straight back.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51BELL RINGS
0:13:52 > 0:13:54DOOR CLOSES
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Don't go away.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Yes, yes, Mr Newbold, what can I get you?
0:14:05 > 0:14:08- Very quickly.- I'm here with a sizeable order.
0:14:08 > 0:14:12- I've made a list.- Right, OK, leave it with me, off you go,
0:14:12 > 0:14:14and I'll get it sent round to you.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18No. No, I need it now, I want to take it with me.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22But, you see, I've got certain logistical problems that require my
0:14:22 > 0:14:24attention in the warehouse.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Can't you attend to me first? Can't they wait?
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Well, they do depend on the size of your, you know,
0:14:30 > 0:14:33your list. All right.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Have a look.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Three, four...
0:14:39 > 0:14:40Oh!
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Erm...
0:14:45 > 0:14:46Oh.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Oh, hello, Mavis, are being attended to?
0:14:51 > 0:14:54The short answer is no.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56- Me, neither.- He said he'd be straight back.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59I think I'm in love with a librarian.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Is that wise?
0:15:01 > 0:15:02They probably read in bed.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06I'm never going to find out.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08She won't look at me because I eat meat.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Only at mealtimes.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Emergency rations, Granville.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18That's why all the tinned stuff.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21My door's going to be firmly locked against allcomers.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24I shall be unavailable.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28Locking yourself in with Mrs Featherstone.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Sealing off your little love nest.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34Way to go, Mr Newbold.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37Locking her in? I'm looking her out.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41A man's house is his castle, and I'm pulling up the drawbridge.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45I'm barricading me in.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56I was coming back from town.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58They passed me on the tandem, wobbling.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00It's what they do best.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04You have to admire their ambition, though.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08Also, I do feel obliged to point out some wives might find the magic
0:16:08 > 0:16:10returning at the sight of their husbands
0:16:10 > 0:16:13dressed head to toe in Lycra.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15I must have missed it.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17DOOR CLOSES
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Oh! Get me a chair.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24With a cushion on it.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Where's the other idiot?
0:16:26 > 0:16:29Coming. He'll need a cushion, honey.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Two cushions.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39BELL RINGS
0:16:39 > 0:16:40Hey, I've had three good rollickings
0:16:40 > 0:16:43from that Madge today already.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45I'm really getting her attention now.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Hey?
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Hello? Is there anybody there?
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Nod once for yes.
0:16:59 > 0:17:00Mrs Featherstone.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03No, the way you can tell is I'm not in a frock.
0:17:03 > 0:17:08No, but I can tell you what I mean, trouble.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11You were so far gone, I could have shoplifted anything.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- You what?- You were miles away.
0:17:14 > 0:17:20Yeah, not enough miles between me and the threat I'm under.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23The weights and measures been checking you again?
0:17:23 > 0:17:26No, no, it's worse than that.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30It's the black widow.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34I've got to get her and Mr Newbold back together again.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Do you think he fancies her?
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Of course he fancies her.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41It's just that he doesn't know that yet.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45But watch this space.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03Careless. Has he forgotten I'm coming?
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Black mark, Newbold, this won't do.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07KNOCKING ON DOOR
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Is he going deaf?
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Is he concealing it from me?
0:18:17 > 0:18:22You see how they suck you in, pretending they're fit for purpose.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Why didn't you tell me?
0:18:25 > 0:18:28What other little disabilities are you going to spring on me?
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Is this why you have never sprung on me?
0:18:38 > 0:18:42Oh, men! Who can you trust?
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Shame on you, Newbold!
0:18:46 > 0:18:47Ooh.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Wait a minute.
0:18:49 > 0:18:53This is not the Newbold I know and can turn to jelly.
0:18:54 > 0:18:55I see what it is.
0:18:55 > 0:19:00He's afraid to tell me in case...in case it drives me away.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Oh, bless him.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04All is forgiven.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Unless it's something very unsightly.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13It is I, Wilburn, your Delphine.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27You know what Mr Newbold's problem is, don't you?
0:19:27 > 0:19:32Well, he sees Mrs Featherstone as a tough old bat.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35That could be because she is a tough old bat.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39Yes, on the surface. But does he know what lies beneath?
0:19:40 > 0:19:44Does he know that she was once an exotic dancer,
0:19:44 > 0:19:48who went by the name of Roxy Thong?
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Mrs Featherstone?
0:19:50 > 0:19:51- Yeah.- Get over.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54She performed mainly in Europe.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57That's why we don't know about her here.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00She drove them mad in Germany, you know.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04She did things with three balloons that you could not believe.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19HE GRUNTS AND STRUGGLES
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Right, I've got you.
0:20:22 > 0:20:26There. Who did that? That's Leroy.
0:20:26 > 0:20:27BELL RINGS
0:20:27 > 0:20:29DOOR CLOSES
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Right, stay there, don't go away.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Good day to you, Mrs Thong.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43- "Thong"?- Featherstone.
0:20:43 > 0:20:44You said "Thong."
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Did I say? Why did I say "Thong"?
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Perhaps we could go to a quieter place,
0:20:48 > 0:20:52and tease out the roots of that Freudian slip.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56How is Mr Newbold?
0:20:56 > 0:20:59He's dead.
0:20:59 > 0:21:00"Dead"? What?
0:21:00 > 0:21:03- He can't be dead.- I went round to his house.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06I called and I called, there was no reply, he must be dead.
0:21:06 > 0:21:10Well, he was in here this morning. He looked perfectly well.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13They go fast at his age.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17So, there's just you and me now, Granville.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Oh! I'll give him a call.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Well, what's the point if he's dead?
0:21:23 > 0:21:27- He's not dead.- No, well, he better be if he's not answering my calls.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29PHONE RINGS
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Hexthorpe Gasworks.
0:21:40 > 0:21:45You're not the Hexthorpe Gasworks. It's you, Newbold, isn't it?
0:21:45 > 0:21:48I thought you were dead.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Why didn't I think of that?
0:21:54 > 0:21:58Why are you masquerading as the Hexthorpe Gasworks?
0:21:58 > 0:22:00It's a fantasy. Do you mind?
0:22:00 > 0:22:04I've always wanted to be the Hexthorpe Gasworks.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06- Wait there, I'm coming round. - No.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10- "No"?- No, it's dangerous. I've got spots, I'm contagious.
0:22:10 > 0:22:14Ah! Oh, well...
0:22:14 > 0:22:17Not dead, just unhygienic.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24There's a window of opportunity for you here, Granville,
0:22:24 > 0:22:27until spots disappear.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31Oh, yes. Right, no, hang on,
0:22:31 > 0:22:35hang on, look, sorry, we've just got to get rid of that.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39You can't have that on your continental sausage.
0:22:39 > 0:22:40What is it?
0:22:40 > 0:22:42It's, it's...
0:22:42 > 0:22:47Hold on, there it is. It's the bratwurst beetle.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50There are terrible little breeders, they are.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52I mean, you get two of these together,
0:22:52 > 0:22:56and the next thing you know, you've got a colony.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Hold on, there it is. Hold on, then it goes.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01You stay there.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Get out. There he is.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05THUD
0:23:05 > 0:23:08That'll tie a knot in his prospects.
0:23:08 > 0:23:13As I was saying, Granville, a window of opportunity.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Argh!
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Sorry, you were saying?
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Not now, can't stop, must fly!
0:23:23 > 0:23:25BELL RINGS
0:23:32 > 0:23:35- Who's got spots? - Seems like everyone.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Did you know that Granville had spots?
0:23:37 > 0:23:40Just the one near his...
0:23:43 > 0:23:45PHONE RINGS
0:23:50 > 0:23:55- Hello?- IMITATING GERMAN ACCENT: Would this be the Herr Newbold mit
0:23:55 > 0:23:57whom I am speaking?
0:23:57 > 0:23:59This is Mr Newbold, yes.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03The one who Frau Featherstone calls Smoochy?
0:24:03 > 0:24:06I have never been called Smoochy.
0:24:06 > 0:24:11But also known as Foxy Fingers, ja?
0:24:11 > 0:24:15- Never.- Well, to business.
0:24:15 > 0:24:20We understand that you may have the number of Frau Featherstone.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Oh, yes, I've got her number all right.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26You see, I'm speaking on behalf of the Monchengladbach
0:24:26 > 0:24:30over 60s Frauline Roxy Thong fan club.
0:24:32 > 0:24:36Ein question, Herr Newbold, does she still do the balloons?
0:24:36 > 0:24:39And would she do them for us one more time?
0:24:39 > 0:24:45I'm sorry, but I heff...have no connection with Frau Featherstone.
0:24:45 > 0:24:50But we are told that you are the lover of the former Roxy Thong.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54Oh! Those balloons!
0:24:54 > 0:24:58I can assure you that I'm not a lover of Frau Featherstone.
0:24:58 > 0:25:03Then I can only conclude that you have never seen the balloons.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Forget the balloons.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Believe me, I try.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11For many years I'm seeking to forget the balloons,
0:25:11 > 0:25:13but under my skin she gets.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15I'm sorry, but I can't help you.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18What I am saying is...
0:25:18 > 0:25:21help yourself.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24She was the toast of Europe.
0:25:24 > 0:25:29Are you telling me that the woman I know as Mrs Featherstone was once an
0:25:29 > 0:25:32exotic dancer who went by the name of...
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Miss Roxy Thong?
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Yup. So, who's the lucky boy, then? Ja, ja, ja!
0:25:38 > 0:25:40HE LAUGHS
0:25:48 > 0:25:52Will you get out of here? You'll get me sacked.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55I wanted you to know I'm suitable for vegetarians.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27I've come to mop your fevered brow.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37It's been a funny day.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42I had to let the banana go early.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44I hope he's not getting overripe.
0:27:47 > 0:27:52I was barely half a cheese slicer away from that Mavis
0:27:52 > 0:27:55when my instinct for avarice took over.
0:28:00 > 0:28:06Miss Roxy Thong, I wonder what she actually did with those balloons.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Must have gone with a bang.