0:00:10 > 0:00:11What?
0:00:11 > 0:00:16Well, you may be a small comfort to the lonely housewife,
0:00:16 > 0:00:18but can you run the shop?
0:00:18 > 0:00:19HE SCOFFS
0:00:19 > 0:00:22You're asking me, with Arkwright blood in these veins?
0:00:22 > 0:00:24TILL CHIMES
0:00:24 > 0:00:26Yes, all right!
0:00:26 > 0:00:28I'll be tough. I'll be as tight as you.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31It takes years, that.
0:00:31 > 0:00:35You'll collapse at the first weeping widow.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38I won't give money back. I'll swear the Arkwright oath.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42You'll be here alone tomorrow all day.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45You'll be on phone every two minutes. It won't feel like alone.
0:00:46 > 0:00:50You'll have to cope with people who think it's their money.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Relax, take a few hours off.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55Enjoy yourself at Scarborough.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Enjoy myself?
0:00:57 > 0:01:00This isn't on a fun trip! This is business, this.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03I'm going to have to go to an auction and buy stock
0:01:03 > 0:01:06and bring it back and that in the van.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08I suppose it's just a coincidence
0:01:08 > 0:01:11that Mavis happens to be at Scarborough.
0:01:11 > 0:01:12With Madge.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16I doubt if I shall even see Mavis.
0:01:18 > 0:01:19And even if I do,
0:01:19 > 0:01:23I don't suppose we'll have time for more than a quick bite.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Meaning sandwich.
0:01:43 > 0:01:48HE SINGS AND WHISTLES
0:01:56 > 0:01:58What are you grinning at?
0:01:58 > 0:02:01Just practising my customer-friendly smiles.
0:02:01 > 0:02:02Ah.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Well, I hope you're not going to be too friendly.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21That encourages the reckless to ask for credit.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22Stop worrying.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24I shall protect your interests.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28Under pressure, I can be almost as mean as you are.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30How near is almost?
0:02:30 > 0:02:34Because a wily customer can slip through a hole like that.
0:02:34 > 0:02:38What's all this "under new management", then?
0:02:38 > 0:02:40HE WHISTLES
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Time we had some new management.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Someone who can make shopping less of an adventure.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48You would miss the challenge.
0:02:48 > 0:02:53Who else will keep you up to the peak of spending fitness, eh?
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Weren't you even going to say goodbye?
0:02:56 > 0:02:59We'll miss having your hand in our pocket.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02I'm only going to Scarborough for the day on business.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04- That's all.- So who's the new management, then?
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Ta-da!
0:03:08 > 0:03:10That opens up a few possibilities.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13No, it doesn't. House rules remain the same.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Can you rely on him?
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Don't you start. He's worried enough.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Hey, he has every right to be.
0:03:19 > 0:03:20You don't look nasty enough.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23I am! Honestly.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Pay no attention. Nothing is going to happen.
0:03:26 > 0:03:31Leroy is here, the rock beyond which no problem shall pass.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35Doesn't he tend to waste his substance on girls?
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Not during business hours.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Will you be back before he has to get married?
0:03:39 > 0:03:43His body might be in the shop, but where will his mind be?
0:03:43 > 0:03:44Well, that's it, I'm not going.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- No, I'm not!- You are going!
0:03:47 > 0:03:49I'll be fine. They're just winding you up.
0:03:52 > 0:03:53Trust me.
0:03:54 > 0:03:55I am the rock.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Oh!
0:04:07 > 0:04:08Mm-hm!
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Has this thing got an alarm?
0:04:13 > 0:04:15It's me that's alarmed.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Now, if anything attractive comes into the shop,
0:04:19 > 0:04:22try not to give it a discount, will you?
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Now, this van is going to be full of stock,
0:04:25 > 0:04:29so I have asked for it to have a loud alarm.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33ALARM BLARES
0:04:33 > 0:04:35ALARM STOPS
0:04:37 > 0:04:38Yes, well, you got your loud alarm.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45That Leroy has some very irritating habits.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Seems to do all right with the local totty.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52That's the one I'm talking about.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55You're right, people covered in attractive females
0:04:55 > 0:04:58is not something you want to see.
0:04:58 > 0:04:59Except in the mirror.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03I wanted to be a ladies' man.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06But then my uncle Willie left me a socket set.
0:05:09 > 0:05:10We all know what he can handle.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Do you think Leroy could handle an emergency?
0:05:15 > 0:05:18It's about time something challenging came his way,
0:05:18 > 0:05:20tested him professionally.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Taught him to feel a little bit of pain.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Don't hurt him.
0:05:24 > 0:05:25He's always nice to my dog.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33We're not going to hurt him, just maybe stretch him a bit.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Excellent training. He'll thank us afterwards.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Oh, aye. Come on.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Away? All day?
0:05:43 > 0:05:45That's not like Granville.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47That is unusual behaviour.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50That is punching my nasty thoughts button.
0:05:50 > 0:05:56I have to ask, have you got a nice thoughts button?
0:05:56 > 0:05:58It didn't survive my first marriage.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59Yes, that can do it.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Of course, it's none of my business,
0:06:02 > 0:06:06but does anybody know where Granville claims to be going?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11To an auction at Scarborough.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13He's hired a van. It's only done 2,000 miles.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16It took him a day and a half to get the price down.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Where do you come up with all this stuff?
0:06:18 > 0:06:21Don't ask, just be thankful she's got nothing on us.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23I wouldn't go as far as nothing.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27Didn't someone say that Mavis was at Scarborough?
0:06:27 > 0:06:30With Madge. For a short break. Visiting her friend Rose.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Do you think that's where he's heading?
0:06:33 > 0:06:34Of course it is.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38He's male, he's human, he's fallible,
0:06:38 > 0:06:41and probably stinking of aftershave.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46I hate to think of him going astray when there are opportunities
0:06:46 > 0:06:48much closer to home.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52And, erm, where's Mr Newbold's place in this, er, plot of yours?
0:06:52 > 0:06:55First reserve. I never go anywhere without a spare.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05PHONE BEEPS
0:07:05 > 0:07:09- Hello?- Leroy, it's me, senior management.
0:07:09 > 0:07:10Now...
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Hm?
0:07:12 > 0:07:16Well, don't let her sneeze over the unwrapped produce.
0:07:18 > 0:07:19Of course you can move her away.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Well, use your initiative, lad.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27You take her firmly by the elbow and then...
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Hm?
0:07:29 > 0:07:33No, of course they can't touch you for elbows.
0:07:33 > 0:07:34No.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Even on the internet, there's no group sharing
0:07:37 > 0:07:40of pictures of elbows, are there?
0:07:43 > 0:07:44Tell her I'm busy.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48You can lie, I've seen you do it.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51I don't like leaving you alone.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54- I've noticed.- You're too trusting.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56You talk to telephone salesmen.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00You have to remember, they were once human beings.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02So is Rose.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04She'll think you're standoffish.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07She knows you didn't like her new kitchen.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09I told her it was lovely.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Yes, but you don't lie worth a bent washer.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Your face says it all.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Well, it's the only face I've got.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19You could do something with it.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23Not if I have to watch her holiday videos. Again.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25It won't be again, will it?
0:08:25 > 0:08:27They'll be new ones.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Anyway, they don't last forever.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30That wasn't my impression.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36Are you saying you've got no interest in foreign travel?
0:08:36 > 0:08:40I can never get past the sight of Rose in a bikini.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42So just look at the places of interest.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45With Rose in a bikini, you can't do otherwise.
0:08:58 > 0:08:59Ahem.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05How are you today, Mrs Hussein?
0:09:05 > 0:09:09Just wondering who you've got behind the counter.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10I've got no-one behind the counter.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12I'm just tidying up.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14I only ask because there have been occasions
0:09:14 > 0:09:17when you did have somebody behind the counter.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21- Twice it were me.- You practically forced your way in.
0:09:21 > 0:09:26- Twice?- You said that you wanted to know what we kept behind here.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Your face was so red I couldn't believe it were just a few tins.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33It's the bending down that makes your face red.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37That's a powerful image in the wrong hands.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42PHONE RINGS
0:09:44 > 0:09:46- QUIETLY:- You are never going to get to Scarborough
0:09:46 > 0:09:48if you keep stopping to call me.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50I'm fine, everything's fine!
0:09:52 > 0:09:53No, I am not just saying that!
0:09:55 > 0:09:59Oh... Yes, of course I would tell you if there was anything wrong.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Listen, I have to go, I've got a customer waiting.
0:10:04 > 0:10:05No, just Mrs Hussein.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09No, we are not behind the counter!
0:10:22 > 0:10:24PHONE RINGS
0:10:28 > 0:10:33What's wrong? Now, don't go hiding anything from me, just tell me.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37It's me. I'm just calling to say I can do lunch.
0:10:37 > 0:10:42- Lunch?- It's that thing that comes after breakfast.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Yes, I know what you mean.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49Oh... Does that mean the three of us?
0:10:49 > 0:10:52No. Madge has gone to a friend's.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54It'll be just me and you.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58That's if you'd like to have lunch.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Yeah! Yeah, yeah, I can do lunch, yeah!
0:11:01 > 0:11:04The only snag is the restaurant's full,
0:11:04 > 0:11:07but we could have a sandwich in the room.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10That's if you wouldn't mind having room service.
0:11:10 > 0:11:11Yeah! Yeah...
0:11:13 > 0:11:16It's gone. I've lost it, I've lost it. Yes, I can do lunch!
0:11:16 > 0:11:19I've dropped my phone. I've dropped the phone!
0:11:19 > 0:11:21I can do it! I can do lunch, I can do it!
0:11:29 > 0:11:31INAUDIBLE
0:11:34 > 0:11:35Be with you in a second.
0:11:47 > 0:11:48Oh!
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Oh!
0:11:55 > 0:11:56This is new.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59That'll teach him to ask for his money back.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03- He came in like that. - He can't come in like that.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Looks like a case for the kiss of life.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11- I'm not kissing him. - You kiss everything else.
0:12:13 > 0:12:14See if he's breathing.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Don't just stand there, do something life-saving!
0:12:19 > 0:12:21I think I can hear the death rattle.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27Give over. He's probably just fainted.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31What would you do to him to produce this effect?
0:12:31 > 0:12:32I haven't done anything to him!
0:12:32 > 0:12:35I told you, he came in like that.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37What, and then dropped dead?
0:12:37 > 0:12:38He's not dead. He's just...
0:12:40 > 0:12:42..rattling.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44I expect he took one look at your prices and wallop!
0:12:53 > 0:12:55HE PANTS
0:12:55 > 0:12:57PHONE RINGS
0:12:57 > 0:12:58Oh.
0:12:59 > 0:13:00Yes.
0:13:03 > 0:13:04What's gone wrong?
0:13:07 > 0:13:08A man has come in and he's fainted?
0:13:10 > 0:13:11Has he paid?
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Oh, he hasn't bought anything.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19Right. Well, he won't do if you leave him lying there, will he?
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Huh? Well, tell you what,
0:13:24 > 0:13:27get him attended to and get him brought round.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Then you can sell him something.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Oh. Oh, right.
0:13:33 > 0:13:34Oh, he's coming around now, is he?
0:13:34 > 0:13:37All right, all right, now, be careful.
0:13:37 > 0:13:38Be careful cos he might be dizzy.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41You know, could be nauseous.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44If he is, don't forget we've got those seasick tablets,
0:13:44 > 0:13:46they're on the top shelf.
0:13:46 > 0:13:47Yes.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49All right, bye.
0:13:50 > 0:13:51LOCK BEEPS
0:13:53 > 0:13:54ALARM BLARES
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Oh! Shh! Shh!
0:14:06 > 0:14:09- What?- You let her go romping off to Scarborough.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12I thought she was supposed to be your woman.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- Who?- How many have you got?
0:14:15 > 0:14:18- Do you mean Madge? - Yes, of course I mean Madge.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21You do know what goes off in Scarborough?
0:14:21 > 0:14:23I know they do a bit of fishing.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27Fishing? Do you know how many women never come back from there?
0:14:27 > 0:14:30- They're coming back Saturday. - You hope.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34There are waiters from all over the Mediterranean flock to Scarborough
0:14:34 > 0:14:35to steal Yorkshire women.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Oh, I don't think Madge will go any wilder than a game of crazy golf.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Well, I hope you're right.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44There's many a Yorkshire pudding been abandoned
0:14:44 > 0:14:47in pursuit of the Mediterranean diet.
0:14:48 > 0:14:53I don't think Madge is all that fussed about the Mediterranean diet.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55But do you even know where she's staying?
0:14:55 > 0:14:56I know exactly where she's staying.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03She's staying at the Hotel Winslow, Duchess Street.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05"Do not ring me unless it's an emergency..."
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Oh! Ohh...
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Oh, Grimwald.
0:15:12 > 0:15:13Arthur Grimwald.
0:15:14 > 0:15:15Nice to meet you.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20I've been out again, haven't I? Oh, I keep doing that,
0:15:20 > 0:15:23falling asleep anywhere.
0:15:23 > 0:15:24It's embarrassing.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27I've flaked out in places you would not believe.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31Sainsbury's, Tesco, B&Q three times.
0:15:31 > 0:15:32Three times!
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Always amongst the bathroom fittings.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38I mean, you have to wonder, what's wrong with soft furnishings?
0:15:38 > 0:15:41- Are you all right? How are you feeling?- Oh, I'm fine.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43I've always been fine. Ask Mrs Grimwald.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47Or, if you want something more up to date, try Mrs Wilkinson.
0:15:48 > 0:15:49You can let me go now.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53See? I'm fine.
0:15:53 > 0:15:54I'm fine.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55I'm not fine.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Oh...
0:15:59 > 0:16:00Oh, dear.
0:16:01 > 0:16:02There he goes again.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Quite the challenge for the keen young executive.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12PEACEFUL MUSIC, CHATTER
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Hello, Granville.
0:16:31 > 0:16:32Hello, bedroom.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36Er, sorry. Mavis.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38I don't know why I said "bedroom".
0:16:40 > 0:16:44I think what we've got to do is... is to play it tactfully.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48You go up first and then I will follow,
0:16:48 > 0:16:51and that will stop all these nosy people...
0:16:56 > 0:16:58..from making mountains out of breasts.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04Molehills. Sorry. Out of molehills.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07OK?
0:17:09 > 0:17:10Ah!
0:17:11 > 0:17:12Thank you.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Right. Thank you very much.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18I don't know who we think we're kidding.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22Oh, you know, a gentleman has to try, doesn't he?
0:17:22 > 0:17:24- 174.- Yes, thank you.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27- Beg your pardon? WHISPERS:- 174.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29LOUDLY: Oh, 174!
0:17:31 > 0:17:33HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:17:36 > 0:17:37Ah!
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Sorry. Sorry.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47We can't just leave him there!
0:17:48 > 0:17:49He looks perfectly comfy to me.
0:17:51 > 0:17:52You know what he said?
0:17:54 > 0:17:57It's dangerous if you try to wake him up too suddenly.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Aye.
0:17:59 > 0:18:00The customer's always right.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04This one's all right, isn't he?
0:18:06 > 0:18:07It's what every shop needs.
0:18:11 > 0:18:12See what a draw he is?
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Is the stuff I ordered ready yet?
0:18:17 > 0:18:19- Yes, it is.- About time.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21It's very inconvenient having to drive here.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25You've got the road up at Milton Street and I hate reversing,
0:18:25 > 0:18:27ever since I ran over Mr Bradshaw.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31- Here's your order, Mrs Bradshaw. - Hmph.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35And if it's not all there, I'll be back.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38And you want to get this place cleaned up.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Your father never had it like this.
0:18:46 > 0:18:51When you asked if I could give you a lift, I assumed you meant into town.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54Enjoy the ride, be carefree.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Where are we going, exactly?
0:18:56 > 0:18:57Nowhere exactly.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00I thought a little trip out might please you.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02I've no idea where we're going.
0:19:02 > 0:19:03There's a roundabout coming up.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Take the second exit, then first left.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13SULTRY PIANO MUSIC
0:19:27 > 0:19:29ALARM BLARES
0:19:39 > 0:19:43I'm coming, Madge! I'll save you from that Mediterranean diet!
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Oh, hmm, the light.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Yes, that's fine.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28That's OK.
0:20:28 > 0:20:29Morning.
0:20:32 > 0:20:33Housekeeping!
0:20:53 > 0:20:56ALARM BLARES
0:20:56 > 0:20:58HE GROANS
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Put him down.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Oof!
0:21:13 > 0:21:14She didn't mean that quick.
0:21:14 > 0:21:18Yes, she did. You, enough from you.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20- I haven't said a word! - Well, that's more than enough.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22What do you think you're doing?
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Helping a poor soul in trouble, as you do.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27And I'm helping him to...
0:21:27 > 0:21:29help a poor soul in trouble.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31As you do.
0:21:31 > 0:21:36Don't lie to me. He can lie to me. We're married. It's his privilege.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37You, get up.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Could be dangerous if he's moved too quickly, right?
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Oh, listen, he's a sweetheart.
0:21:44 > 0:21:45He's a dumb sweetheart.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47They're having you on!
0:21:51 > 0:21:52Come on, get up.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58Knew it all the time.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01That's my story, I'm sticking to it.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03- I'll have to get going. - I'll come with you.
0:22:03 > 0:22:04Stay where you are.
0:22:06 > 0:22:07Looks like I'm staying.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11We'll be thinking of you.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13- That's a help.- Plead insanity.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Bog off.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Instead of fooling around here, when are you going to paper that bedroom?
0:22:21 > 0:22:22I'm guessing really soon.
0:22:29 > 0:22:30Feel like an idiot.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34It was three to one, it wasn't a fair fight.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Don't tell Granville. He'll never leave me in charge again.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39I won't tell Granville.
0:22:39 > 0:22:40My lips are sealed. I'm a clam.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44No you're not.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47You know everybody's business. You tell everybody everything!
0:22:47 > 0:22:51I could help you put a lock on these lips any time.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Do you want a coffee?
0:22:53 > 0:22:56How did you know? Not only desirable, but psychic.
0:22:57 > 0:22:58Come on through.
0:23:00 > 0:23:01No monkey business.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Does that include mutual grooming?
0:23:10 > 0:23:12KNOCK ON DOOR
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Where have you been?!
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Trying to switch off that damn alarm.
0:23:21 > 0:23:22I thought you'd gone home.
0:23:24 > 0:23:25You must be joking.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- I thought maybe something had gone wrong with the shop.- Eh?
0:23:28 > 0:23:31What have you heard? What are they not telling me?
0:23:31 > 0:23:33I've heard nothing.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Oh. Oh, that's all right, then.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Oh!
0:23:38 > 0:23:39Er, heh.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Alone at last, eh?
0:23:44 > 0:23:46I hope you like cheese and ham.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Oh, food of the gods.
0:23:52 > 0:23:53Why Scarborough?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55It's nearer than Portofino.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57You made a beeline straight here.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00- Why this hotel?- Why not this hotel?
0:24:00 > 0:24:01Are you going to argue all day?
0:24:11 > 0:24:13KNOCK ON DOOR
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Let me in, I forgot me key!
0:24:16 > 0:24:18- It's Madge!- It's Madge?
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Oh, heck!
0:24:20 > 0:24:21Oh, er...
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Oh, er, I know, I know...
0:24:24 > 0:24:26I'll get in...
0:24:26 > 0:24:28I'll get in here.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34HE WHIMPERS Ah! I don't want that!
0:24:41 > 0:24:46I've just seen Mrs Featherstone and that poor Mr Newbold.
0:24:46 > 0:24:50I don't know what they're doing here, other than being nosy.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52So, you'd better come down.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Why?!
0:24:54 > 0:24:55So they can see you.
0:24:58 > 0:25:03If you're missing, she'll only dream up something scandalous.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Hello, Madge. You're looking well.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Sea air suits you.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24What is he doing here?!
0:25:24 > 0:25:26We had a sandwich, that's all.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Cheese and ham, it was. Best ever.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32I've got to get home.
0:25:32 > 0:25:33I've got a shop to run.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36How are we going to get him out past that lot downstairs?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Eyebrow pencil.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Who's got an eyebrow pencil?
0:25:42 > 0:25:44- In the bathroom.- In the bathroom.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Thank you. Right.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Oh, here she is.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54I thought she might be otherwise engaged.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56You'll join us for a coffee?
0:26:00 > 0:26:05Ah, waiter. Four white coffees, please, and take away these empties.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08FRENCH ACCENT: Oui, mademoiselle.
0:26:08 > 0:26:14Four blanc coffee and take away ze empty.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Merci beaucoup.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Pardonnez-moi, madame.
0:26:19 > 0:26:24If I may say so, I used to know her really well,
0:26:24 > 0:26:30and you are the exact double of the former Queen of Romania.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34- Oh! - SHE CHUCKLES
0:26:34 > 0:26:36I'm sure there's very little resemblance.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44You overdid it. She might have recognised you.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46He did great!
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Although she's going to be unbearable to live with.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50No, it's Mr Newbold I feel sorry for
0:26:50 > 0:26:54because he's going to have to bob a curtsy now.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56CAR HORN BEEPS
0:27:07 > 0:27:09Hop in, Madge. I hope it's not too late.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17Don't you come here with your Mediterranean diet!
0:27:17 > 0:27:20It's me, you twillip!
0:27:22 > 0:27:24You came to rescue me?
0:27:24 > 0:27:28From foreign waiters, as soon as I heard.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30You're thick as a brick.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Still, it was a nice thought.
0:27:37 > 0:27:41As soon as you get back, you and me, fish and chips.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44Sooner than you think. Wait here till I get my things.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46I'm coming with you.
0:27:46 > 0:27:47Oh, yes! I can't...
0:27:47 > 0:27:49ALARM BLARES
0:27:50 > 0:27:52Shh! Shh!
0:27:58 > 0:28:02VOICE-OVER: Something tells me that the body in the shop
0:28:02 > 0:28:07that puts our Leroy under most stress is Mrs Hussein's.
0:28:10 > 0:28:14I think Mr Newbold is showing the strain of escorting
0:28:14 > 0:28:16the former Queen of Romania.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25I never thought I'd see Gastric
0:28:25 > 0:28:29coming in for extra virgin olive oil.
0:28:31 > 0:28:35I bet he's experimenting with the Mediterranean diet.