0:00:02 > 0:00:08This programme contains some strong language and adult humour.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11Morning, sweetness. D'you get enough beauty sleep?
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Who the hell are you?
0:00:13 > 0:00:15You're in a bit of a pickle, sunshine.
0:00:15 > 0:00:19We had a tip-off from a K McKenzie.
0:00:19 > 0:00:20Grr! Kadean!
0:00:20 > 0:00:23- KADEAN:- 'It's YOUR nightmare, fool!'
0:00:23 > 0:00:26You owe, son. You've been racking up the debts.
0:00:26 > 0:00:27Owe what? Owe who?
0:00:27 > 0:00:28Right, let's see.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Mental anguish suffered to your mum for 15 hours of labour.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32CHA-CHING!
0:00:32 > 0:00:34The psychological toll your life has taken on the family.
0:00:34 > 0:00:35CHA-CHING!
0:00:35 > 0:00:37- Food and board. Upkeep. - CHA-CHING!
0:00:37 > 0:00:38- Maintenance. - CHA-CHING!
0:00:38 > 0:00:41- Birthdays and Christmases. - CHA-CHING!
0:00:41 > 0:00:42- A mother's love. - CHA-CHING!
0:00:42 > 0:00:44- This is bullshit.- Swearing.
0:00:44 > 0:00:45- That's going on the list as well. - CHA-CHING!
0:00:45 > 0:00:47No, wait. This is not fair.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49- Like, how...?- Oh, "Not fair"? Right. - CHA-CHING!
0:00:49 > 0:00:50- Fuck. Kadean!- Yeah, more swearing.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52- Her birthday's the same as mine. - Blaming others?
0:00:52 > 0:00:55ALARM BUZZES
0:00:55 > 0:00:57'Every morning, I used to wake up and thank the universe
0:00:57 > 0:01:00'I survived to see another day on this beautiful planet.'
0:01:00 > 0:01:04And now I'm reminded each morning that I still live with my parents.
0:01:04 > 0:01:05Oh...
0:01:05 > 0:01:09and I think I might have accidentally got engaged.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11- THEY TALK IN SLOW MOTION - Dane?
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Let's do it.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15GASPS OF JOY AND APPLAUSE
0:01:15 > 0:01:17# Mm-hm! #
0:01:17 > 0:01:18There he is!
0:01:18 > 0:01:19Oh, God, I beg of thee!
0:01:19 > 0:01:21SMACK! Argh!
0:01:21 > 0:01:22No blasphemy, Dane.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24You're going to be getting married in a church,
0:01:24 > 0:01:27so don't bother taking the Lord's name in vain.
0:01:27 > 0:01:28Now move it.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30And give your Auntie Barbara and Uncle Samuel a call.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32- Let them know about dates.- Dates?
0:01:32 > 0:01:34The wedding!
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Does this mean you're finally moving out of the house?
0:01:36 > 0:01:37I still live here.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39And, just like you at an all-you-can-eat buffet,
0:01:39 > 0:01:41I'm staying as long as it takes.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44You'll be eating my buffet leftovers out of the bin when you're homeless.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46I wouldn't worry about me being homeless.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48I'd worry about you smelling homeless.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49- HE SNIFFS - Enough!
0:01:49 > 0:01:51This is a joyous day.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Oh, and here's the final amount of bills you owe.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55I take cash and BACS.
0:01:55 > 0:01:56Don't make me chase you.
0:01:59 > 0:02:00Mwah!
0:02:00 > 0:02:02'Great. Those three little words...
0:02:02 > 0:02:03' "Let's do it!"
0:02:03 > 0:02:06'..have now become the most expensive words of my life.'
0:02:06 > 0:02:08TILLS JANGLE AND MONEY CLINKS
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Congratulations, Dean.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14Oh, the engagement thing. Oh, you know, it's complicated.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16We won't be doing anything just yet.
0:02:16 > 0:02:17You are moving out of the house, though, yeah?
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Do you think I still want to be here?
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Do you have any idea how much a deposit is nowadays?
0:02:21 > 0:02:23- I am trying, you know.- Dean...
0:02:25 > 0:02:28..trying means doing something with a view to fail.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Foundations need to be made.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Seeds need to be sown.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34You need to start...
0:02:34 > 0:02:35digging...
0:02:35 > 0:02:37HE IMITATES A SHOVEL BREAKING GROUND
0:02:37 > 0:02:39..son. Mm?
0:02:40 > 0:02:44You need to start..."digging", son.
0:02:44 > 0:02:45Oh, I'll start digging.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Digging your grave. Bitch.
0:02:47 > 0:02:48- STREET FIGHTER ANNOUNCER:- 'Fight!'
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Enough!
0:02:50 > 0:02:53You almost killed me in Labour, and you're both at it again.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Kadean's right.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58You need to make your own life with Nicola, Dane.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Because I can't support you and your sister for ever.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03I plan on retiring at some point,
0:03:03 > 0:03:07while I'm still able to see me grandchildren and bath myself.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10Because you and Kadean won't do it, will you, Dane?
0:03:10 > 0:03:13It's time to learn to look after yourself.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16This engagement is a blessing for us all.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17Amen.
0:03:19 > 0:03:20You know what? Fine.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25I'm moving out. Two weeks from today, I'm gone.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Engagement or not, I'm leaving.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Shit!
0:03:34 > 0:03:35DOOR OPENS
0:03:38 > 0:03:39Right after I get dressed.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41MUTTERS: Put some clothes on and get out of this stupid house.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43People picking on me.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47This Monday's becoming the worst day ever.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Now I know why Bob Geldof hated them so much.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51MUSIC: Doo-Wop (That Thing) by Lauryn Hill
0:03:51 > 0:03:53How'd I let Kadean trick me into this?
0:03:53 > 0:03:55She'll now be sharing the news of my grand departure with Nicky.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56PHONE CHIMES
0:03:56 > 0:03:58It's complicated when the woman you love
0:03:58 > 0:04:01makes friends with every other member of your family.
0:04:08 > 0:04:09LINE RINGS
0:04:10 > 0:04:11Hello, fiance.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15- Yeah, er, about that... - 'Don't panic.'
0:04:15 > 0:04:18We can talk about that later.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20So the other thing is...
0:04:20 > 0:04:22I've kind of left home?
0:04:22 > 0:04:24I know. I heard from Kadean.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Kadean!
0:04:26 > 0:04:27'And, before you ask...'
0:04:27 > 0:04:30- no, you can't move in with me. - Why not?
0:04:30 > 0:04:33'I've signed up for six months with Kitty and Emily at our place.'
0:04:33 > 0:04:36But I'll help you look round at lunchtime.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39That'll be exciting with your budget. Got to go.
0:04:42 > 0:04:43She's right.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45What the hell am I going to be able to afford on my own?
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Am I right, guys?
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Guys?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Here's what we call a character property
0:04:51 > 0:04:53with classic British architecture.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55That's right, have a look. Nice, isn't it?
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Get a waft of that, mate, yeah. That's ammonia, that is.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Yeah, you love it, mate.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02This one is up-and-coming, part of a thriving metropolitan community.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05AUTOMATIC GUNFIRE AND SIRENS Gentrimication.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08That's right. Go on, have a look around.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10That's rustic, that is. EXPLOSION
0:05:13 > 0:05:16This one is absolutely perfect for the single occupant.
0:05:16 > 0:05:17BABY CRIES
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Go on, open the window. How does that look, eh? Lovely.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22European design, that is. Yeah.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Nice pastel colours there.
0:05:24 > 0:05:25HE ROARS
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Our generation used to think having a 9 to 5
0:05:27 > 0:05:29would mean you could at least afford a home.
0:05:29 > 0:05:30Lies!
0:05:30 > 0:05:33I have to keep this mind-numbingly dull excuse of an existence up
0:05:33 > 0:05:35so I can afford my own place.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Here I am, stuck in the middle.
0:05:40 > 0:05:41Janet.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45Three times winner/sole entrant to the office Bake Off competition.
0:05:45 > 0:05:46Gary.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47Here until his band takes off.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Destined to stay here until he's 55.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Jerome, a man who's 55 and lives alone.
0:05:53 > 0:05:54Look at this muffin-muncher.
0:05:54 > 0:05:55He loves it.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59'The thought of being chained to this desk
0:05:59 > 0:06:01'for the rest of my life kills me.'
0:06:01 > 0:06:04And how did Kat Slater not know she had twins?
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Shut up about that stupid show, Janet!
0:06:07 > 0:06:09That's Kerry, my new boss.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Kerry's what you would call...
0:06:12 > 0:06:13career driven. WHIP CRACKS
0:06:13 > 0:06:14# She's a bitch
0:06:14 > 0:06:15# When I do my thing... #
0:06:15 > 0:06:16Correction!
0:06:16 > 0:06:19I'm FEROCIOUSLY career driven!
0:06:19 > 0:06:23I make men and women do what I want in the business world.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25I'm the...
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Alex Ferguson of office logistics.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Because if you screw around with me,
0:06:30 > 0:06:34I will take off my shoe and I will throw it at your goddamn head!
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Then I'll stick my hairdryer to your balls
0:06:37 > 0:06:39until you're nothing but a pretty mute.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40# She's a bitch
0:06:40 > 0:06:41# Come on, say my name... #
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Dane. My office.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47I need to cross examine my senior account manager.
0:06:47 > 0:06:48WHIP CRACKS
0:06:49 > 0:06:51'If I'm trying to get my own place,
0:06:51 > 0:06:53'I need to state in Kerry's good books.'
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Take a seat.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58I'm fine.
0:06:58 > 0:06:59Sit.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01'That book is 50 Shades Of Grey.'
0:07:05 > 0:07:08I hear you're on the move, Dane.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Getting your own pad.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12A dirty little den of your own.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14How do you know that?
0:07:14 > 0:07:15I know everything.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18Due to new European legislation on company e-mails.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22Like I know you'll be needing a good reference.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24'Shit.'
0:07:24 > 0:07:25Er...
0:07:25 > 0:07:28You seem like a smart...
0:07:28 > 0:07:30toned...
0:07:30 > 0:07:32young...
0:07:32 > 0:07:33urban man.
0:07:33 > 0:07:34HE MOUTHS
0:07:34 > 0:07:36And I know that things haven't been easy for you here.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Maybe you don't feel appreciated.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Would you like to...
0:07:41 > 0:07:43FEEL appreciated, Dane?
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Kerry, I've told you, you can't speak to me like this.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47It's just not appropriate.
0:07:47 > 0:07:48Maybe I don't feel like
0:07:48 > 0:07:51your current level of productivity is appropriate.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53I want results.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55I want your figures to stay high.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58I want you to come up from behind
0:07:58 > 0:08:03and hit all targets on a daily basis!
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Cos if you fail, I fail.
0:08:07 > 0:08:13And you are not going to FUCK ME right here in my office,
0:08:13 > 0:08:15right over my own desk!
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Unless I ask you to.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Remember that kid at school who was horrible to everyone,
0:08:24 > 0:08:27pushed everyone around and called everyone names?
0:08:27 > 0:08:29That kid was Kerry.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30Kerry Fitzpatrick.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33MUSIC: Material Girl by Madonna
0:08:46 > 0:08:48- # Gay-y-y... # - Shut up, Janet.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08You realise this is totally unacceptable, right?
0:09:10 > 0:09:13Dane, could you get that file for me, please?
0:09:13 > 0:09:16'It's OK, just say calm. She can smell fear.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19'Remember, any sudden movements might set her off.
0:09:19 > 0:09:20'Shit!'
0:09:20 > 0:09:21Kerry, this is ridiculous.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23What are you going to do, Dane? Quit?
0:09:23 > 0:09:25You need this job.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27You're stuck with me.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31I'm your Simon Cowell, and you are my Sinitta!
0:09:32 > 0:09:37Oh, my, Dane! My goodness! Oh, my! I didn't expect...
0:09:37 > 0:09:38Ah!
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Nicola. Nicky, it's not what it looks like.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- It is.- Oh... - It is what it looks like, and more.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Nicky! Nicky!
0:09:49 > 0:09:52We're here on the set of Goffice News,
0:09:52 > 0:09:55where we have got an exclusive for you guys.
0:09:55 > 0:10:00Love rat Dane has quite dramatically messed up a relationship yet again!
0:10:00 > 0:10:04That's right, viewers! What the hell is wrong with this guy!
0:10:04 > 0:10:07I'm going to go grab the senior account manager
0:10:07 > 0:10:10and get a few exclusive words. Come on!
0:10:13 > 0:10:14Hi.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Jiz Biscotti, Goffice News.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20Dane, honey lamb, tell me how you feel about these accusations...
0:10:20 > 0:10:21What? What is this?
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Get that camera out my face, I've had enough of this shit.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25I'm not a cheater, Jiz!
0:10:31 > 0:10:36# Hello, darkness my old friend... #
0:10:36 > 0:10:39I can't believe Nikki thinks I would cheat on her.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Aren't relationships meant to be about trust?
0:10:42 > 0:10:44I trust she is not cheating on me...
0:10:44 > 0:10:45Unless she is?
0:10:45 > 0:10:48I'm doing everything in my power to show that I love her.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51But she's not replying to my texts.
0:10:51 > 0:10:52Maybe I should tweet her.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02This is bullshit.
0:11:02 > 0:11:03It's not like I've even done anything.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05I feel like I'm being victimised
0:11:05 > 0:11:07for the crimes of my fellow penis-owners.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11No-one prepares you for this kind of thing when you are entering manhood.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Women, you just don't get it.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Having a penis is like trying to raise a spoiled child,
0:11:15 > 0:11:18which I've always kept under control for the sake of my girlfriend
0:11:18 > 0:11:22despite the despite the path of the righteous penis being beset either side by temptation.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Men, how many times have you been out in public with your penis
0:11:25 > 0:11:29and on seeing a vagina it likes, it immediately starts misbehaving?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31"Daddy, Daddy, I want that for myself!"
0:11:31 > 0:11:33And you have to start giving it some dick discipline,
0:11:33 > 0:11:35but with discretion.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37I haven't got the money to afford that kind of vagina right now.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Wait till we get home, there's plenty of free vagina there.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42There's no excuse for this behaviour.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45My penis has been firmly linked to the same vagina for a long time.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48For some reason, I just can't seem to win!
0:11:48 > 0:11:52Only halfway through day one of the rest of my life.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Homeless and single!
0:11:56 > 0:11:59I didn't think you could get any more pathetic.
0:11:59 > 0:12:00Have you spoken to Nicola?
0:12:00 > 0:12:01Oh, speaking to Nicola.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03- Nikki?- Nuh-uh. She won't speak to you, though.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04Nikki!
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Nikki! Nikki!
0:12:06 > 0:12:07Nikki!
0:12:07 > 0:12:09'Nikki!
0:12:09 > 0:12:11'Nikki!'
0:12:11 > 0:12:12Nikk..
0:12:12 > 0:12:13Oh...
0:12:14 > 0:12:17- SHE LAUGHS - Yes.
0:12:17 > 0:12:18Where did she go?
0:12:18 > 0:12:20- What are you doing? - Just planning my night out.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24- It's going to be a big 'un! - Kadean, what are you doing to me?
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Are you going out with Nicola? Tell me!
0:12:26 > 0:12:29That's for me to know and you...
0:12:29 > 0:12:31never to find out.
0:12:31 > 0:12:32No, never.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Dane!
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Come in here, please.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43- SHE SINGS:- Ooh, you're in trouble!
0:12:43 > 0:12:45# You're in trouble
0:12:45 > 0:12:46# You're in trouble!
0:12:46 > 0:12:47# You're in trouble,
0:12:47 > 0:12:49# You're in trouble... #
0:12:49 > 0:12:51My sister relishes so much in my woes
0:12:51 > 0:12:53she's given them their own theme song.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56You'll be in trouble when that silverback gorilla asks for its hair back!
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Daddy! Dane is fashion-shaming again!
0:12:58 > 0:13:00As if you're ashamed!
0:13:00 > 0:13:01Now, please, Dane.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Maybe it's good news.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Maybe my Amazon package arrived.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13What's this I'm hearing from your sister about you cheating on Nicola?
0:13:13 > 0:13:15I didn't cheat! Why is...
0:13:15 > 0:13:17THUNDER
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Not Amazon, then.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Let me tell you a little something, Dane.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26In my day, we realised that when it comes to love,
0:13:26 > 0:13:28we didn't have a choice.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31That's the problem with you kids.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33You're spoilt for choice.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36You have your Facebook statuses set on
0:13:36 > 0:13:38"complicated."
0:13:38 > 0:13:41But where's the complication, Dane?
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Either you want somebody, or you don't.
0:13:44 > 0:13:49When I met your mother, I made my intentions clear.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53What was it like, Daddy?
0:13:53 > 0:13:54Meeting mum?
0:13:54 > 0:13:58REGGAE MUSIC
0:14:00 > 0:14:02You'd see a woman that interested you,
0:14:02 > 0:14:05and you would approach her like a man.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09That's how I met your mother.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12I didn't poke at her,
0:14:12 > 0:14:14or swipe at her, Dane.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16I would just ask for a dance.
0:14:16 > 0:14:21We didn't ping, we just spoke.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23We got to know each other.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27And once I knew her, I made a decision.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30A decision to be with just her.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36That's what you are lacking, son.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Communication.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41And you can't spell communication without U and I.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45U and I.
0:14:45 > 0:14:52Your generation wants everything but can't make an actual decision.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Like a fat child at a cake sale.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56You want it all.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02SHE MOUTHS
0:15:02 > 0:15:05What the hell is wrong with you?
0:15:05 > 0:15:06Aargh!
0:15:06 > 0:15:07If you think a nice guy like that
0:15:07 > 0:15:10is going to wait around for you to grow up...
0:15:10 > 0:15:12It's nothing, Mother, I've got it under control.
0:15:12 > 0:15:13You'd better not be messing around, my boy.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16- Nothing happened! - That's not what Kadean tells me.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18My only son getting engaged.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20It's meant to be the happiest day of my life.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24Well, the real question is, why you are allowing this snitch to live in
0:15:24 > 0:15:26your home and if she knows everything, why doesn't she know
0:15:26 > 0:15:29that a meal suitable for two shouldn't be eaten alone?
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Why don't you know how to make one girl happy?
0:15:31 > 0:15:34And why don't you know that you should be eating out of a dog bowl?
0:15:34 > 0:15:36- Why don't you know... - Enough!
0:15:38 > 0:15:41Dane, where are you learning all this behaviour from?
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Did I raise an Ike Turner?
0:15:44 > 0:15:47I'm not having you going out there sleeping around so the
0:15:47 > 0:15:51photograph album of my grandchildren looks like the Baby Gap advert!
0:15:51 > 0:15:53# People all around the world
0:15:53 > 0:15:56# Join hands
0:15:56 > 0:15:58# It's called a love train... #
0:15:58 > 0:16:01- Who is Ike Turner? - Chris Brown, 40 years ago.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05Could you all just stay out of my business, please?
0:16:08 > 0:16:09This is ridiculous.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11I hate not being able to talk to Nicola.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13I need to see Stefan.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15I just wish I didn't have to meet him here.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17I need to talk to you.
0:16:19 > 0:16:20Go on, my son.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23I'm not bowing and you and I'm not your son, Stefan.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27- Now, listen...- If you could all get into your positions, please?
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Let us raise up and salute the sun.
0:16:36 > 0:16:41So tired of this hype about partners and choosing and relationships.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- Shh! - And now to downward dog.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48When you say "people", you mean your mother?
0:16:48 > 0:16:49Yes, of course.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52I'm just tired of being forced to define myself by my relationship.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55Just because I'm with somebody doesn't mean I can't have a life of my own, does it?
0:16:55 > 0:16:58And now, to happy baby pose.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01What I'm hearing is your ego.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04Why are you so afraid to be vulnerable, fam?
0:17:04 > 0:17:05Are you even listening?
0:17:05 > 0:17:09I don't want to be with Nikki because I've run out of things to do in my own life.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11I don't want to end up horny and angry like Kerry.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13I don't want to be HORNGRY, Stefan.
0:17:13 > 0:17:14The solution is simple.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Do you love her?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Of course I do! That's not the point.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21And now to cobra pose.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Of course it's the point.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Love is the answer.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33Let go of your inner caveman, connect with the soul, brother.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36How much more soul-y do you want me to be? I'm here doing yoga!
0:17:36 > 0:17:39Ryan Giggs did yoga! Can't get more boss than Giggsy.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42Please take your conversation elsewhere.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Oh, for fuck... Take a look at yourselves.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47You're all here unclogging your chakras before you check your yoga
0:17:47 > 0:17:49apps, juice your dinner and talk some bollocks about kale.
0:17:49 > 0:17:53It's always about fucking kale! How much kale have you had today?
0:17:53 > 0:17:55And you?
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Oh, I notice no Asians in this class.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00They invented yoga, by the way.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04OK, I'm going, I'm going.
0:18:04 > 0:18:05I'm going to find her.
0:18:05 > 0:18:09- Do you know where she is? - I have no idea, Stefan.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12You know I can see that guy's testicles through his Lycra?
0:18:12 > 0:18:13- Ooh.- Ugh.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16TEXT ALERT
0:18:19 > 0:18:22You are joking! Kadean!
0:18:22 > 0:18:23It's already bad enough for our relationship
0:18:23 > 0:18:25that Nikki doesn't trust me, and...
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Do I know these guys?
0:18:27 > 0:18:28The hell...
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Is she...?
0:18:30 > 0:18:31Would she?
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Now, I'm well aware that a girl as beautiful and talented as
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Nikki is going to be desired by many men.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40I'm not saying I'm punching above my weight, but if we're using boxing analogies,
0:18:40 > 0:18:42then Nikki is definitely a title shot
0:18:42 > 0:18:45and I have to defend the belt from contenders on a regular basis.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49And that's what love is - light sparring, next thing you know, you're hooked.
0:18:49 > 0:18:53And sometimes, if you don't defend yourself, you get knocked the fuck out.
0:18:53 > 0:18:54BELL
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Now, I got to let Nikki know that she is my undisputed.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Shit. Some advice?
0:19:01 > 0:19:04If you want a lady to be your sparring partner in life,
0:19:04 > 0:19:06you're probably going to need a ring.
0:19:06 > 0:19:07BELL
0:19:07 > 0:19:11# One wish, one wish, one wish
0:19:11 > 0:19:14# One wish, one wish, one wish... #
0:19:16 > 0:19:19RINGS BELL
0:19:19 > 0:19:21All right, scum?
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Why are you even here?
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Night end early when the bouncer smelled your breath?
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Cleared all the men at the place?
0:19:28 > 0:19:29You done?
0:19:31 > 0:19:32Nicola!
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Nicola!
0:19:34 > 0:19:38Can you shut up, you going to wake the neighbours, for God's sake.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39Nikki, er...
0:19:41 > 0:19:44Baby, I'm so sorry. I'm not having an affair with my boss.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46- Ow!- I know that.
0:19:46 > 0:19:51- Really?- In a glass-fronted office at the exact time that you arranged to meet me?
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Even you're not that stupid.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56- Nick, I...- No, Dane.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00You need to step up and take control of your life.
0:20:00 > 0:20:01Nick...
0:20:01 > 0:20:03About her marriage proposal...
0:20:03 > 0:20:05- CHUCKLES - Forget about that.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07I'm surprised you even remember.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12I meant it.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15This is me stepping up and making decisions.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16I want to marry you.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28I'll think about it.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31OK. Because we could...
0:20:33 > 0:20:35We'd have to save money.
0:20:36 > 0:20:40You'd have to stay with your parents until we can afford to do this.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43- Can't I move in here?- No.- No.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Fine. I'll have to speak to Mum and Dad, though.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50Looks like I'm going back to the loving bosom of my family.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Why can't I get rid of you!
0:20:52 > 0:20:56SHE HOWLS
0:21:05 > 0:21:08I don't know why people feel they need to talk about their
0:21:08 > 0:21:10relationships all the time.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13Maybe because they want to feel important.
0:21:13 > 0:21:14That's the thing.
0:21:14 > 0:21:18In an age of social networks, we all want to be something to everyone.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21But I'd rather be everything to someone.
0:21:48 > 0:21:49Get a waft of that, mate. Yeah.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51That's ammonia, that is.