0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language
0:00:05 > 0:00:07What I'm struggling to understand, Clark,
0:00:07 > 0:00:10is why all the people that need saving are strippers.
0:00:10 > 0:00:14Clark... Oh, female strippers, Clark.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16and why you need their pictures on your phone. I mean,
0:00:16 > 0:00:20you haven't got a picture of the old lady you saved from a gas leak.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21If I put a fire out in a strip club,
0:00:21 > 0:00:24those strippers are going to want to thank me, Lois.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26How is that my fault?
0:00:26 > 0:00:27It's a kryptonian thing.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29You wouldn't understand.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Oh! Drop dead!
0:00:31 > 0:00:35Where are you going now, Lois? Going in the bedroom to call your mother?
0:00:35 > 0:00:37I can see through the door, Lois, I've got X-ray vision!
0:00:37 > 0:00:41I wish I could call my mother, but she died when my planet exploded.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42I'm an orphan, Lois!
0:00:42 > 0:00:45Oh, oh. What are those?
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Kryptonic pants from your mother.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Oh, that's mature, Lois, real mature.
0:00:49 > 0:00:50You realise I've got two jobs, Lois.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52One of them is saving the world, Lois!
0:00:56 > 0:00:58PHONE BEEPS
0:00:58 > 0:01:00'This better be PPI.'
0:01:05 > 0:01:07HE SIGHS
0:01:08 > 0:01:11'Where's a tax rebate scam when you want one?'
0:01:11 > 0:01:15Nicola's dad, frickin' Jamaar, let me tell you about this douche bag.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18The word pussyhole isn't in the dictionary, but if it was,
0:01:18 > 0:01:20then his picture would be there.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22He's the reason Fathers For Justice can't get any.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Eight kids, three mothers to the children,
0:01:24 > 0:01:28Jamaar practises what I like to call ABC fatherhood -
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Appearing Birthdays and Christmases only...
0:01:30 > 0:01:32or when he needs money.
0:01:32 > 0:01:33Why?
0:01:33 > 0:01:34He's busy pursuing his career.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37You see, Jamaar's going to be the next king of the dancehall,
0:01:37 > 0:01:39the best reggae artist in all of Jamaica!
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Even though he was born in Bristol.
0:01:42 > 0:01:43You don't know.
0:01:43 > 0:01:47Me are the best artist in Jamaica, England and Canada.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51Beenie, Maxi, Vibes, then me.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Nobody can't test me, so don't watch me.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56HE SUCKS THROUGH TEETH
0:01:57 > 0:02:00We don't watch you, that's what child support services does.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03If only you were as good at reaching nativity plays and parents' evening
0:02:03 > 0:02:05as you were at reaching the dancehall.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Nicola worked hard to make something of herself
0:02:08 > 0:02:10and now she's a doctor I see the heroine of this movie.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Jamaar sees a lottery ticket.
0:02:12 > 0:02:13If there's one thing Jamaar hates
0:02:13 > 0:02:16more than his responsibilities it's me
0:02:16 > 0:02:18because apparently I'm...
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Too bumbaclart sarf.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24Look at him, always bawling about how hard his life is
0:02:24 > 0:02:28when he has my daughter, who's going to have all the money and success
0:02:28 > 0:02:31that she should be sharing with her family...
0:02:31 > 0:02:33like with the man that brought her into this world.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35And left her there.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37HE SUCKS THROUGH HIS TEETH
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Why are you still here?
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Why am I still here?
0:02:43 > 0:02:44Mm...
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Oh, yes, I live here.
0:02:46 > 0:02:50Well, tick-tock because two weeks you said, and I quote...
0:02:50 > 0:02:53'I'm moving out. Two weeks from today, I'm gone.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56'Engagement or not, I'm leaving.'
0:02:56 > 0:03:00Oh, and I quote, "My name is Kadean. I get dressed in the dark.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02"Is that a cake? Rrrah, rrah, rrah!"
0:03:02 > 0:03:04That is a binding contract.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07- Plans change.- Binding!
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Why must we have all this planning?
0:03:09 > 0:03:12You know? Why can't everyone just relax?
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Huh?
0:03:15 > 0:03:17I feel sick.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20SHE HUMS CONGRATULATIONS
0:03:22 > 0:03:23Here's the groom!
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- So proud of you, Dane.- Thanks, Mum.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Congratulations, Dane.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Have you set a date?
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Oh, we don't want to rush anything, you know.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- Rush?- Oh, we'll take our time.
0:03:37 > 0:03:38Time?
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Dane, when a man makes a commitment,
0:03:44 > 0:03:46he sticks to it.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48That's what makes it a commitment.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Otherwise it's just words.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Of course, I get it, Dad. I'm a man of my word.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Nicola and I are engaged now.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03You were engaged to Nicola already, fool.
0:04:03 > 0:04:04Morning, Daddy.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07We've arranged for Nicola's father to come round here this evening.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Full steam ahead with the wedding plans. Choo-choo!
0:04:10 > 0:04:12(Fuck you!)
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Great, I look forward to it.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18'An evening with my future father-in-law,
0:04:18 > 0:04:20'and Jamaar-athon - great(!)'
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Don't get me wrong, Nicola is definitely the love of my life.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30She's the best thing that's ever happened to me,
0:04:30 > 0:04:32she's my Juliet, my Jada Pinkett,
0:04:32 > 0:04:35the Rochelle to my Marvin, the Catwoman to my Batman,
0:04:35 > 0:04:37my Bridget Jones -
0:04:37 > 0:04:39not that I've watched that film,
0:04:39 > 0:04:41at least not on my own anyway.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44She's the one, if there is such a thing.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46# Hey, lady
0:04:48 > 0:04:52# Let me tell you why
0:04:56 > 0:05:01# I can't live my life
0:05:01 > 0:05:04# Without you
0:05:04 > 0:05:06# Oh, baby
0:05:08 > 0:05:14# Every time I see you walking by I get a thrill
0:05:14 > 0:05:17# You don't notice me
0:05:17 > 0:05:20# But in time you will
0:05:20 > 0:05:26# I must make you understand
0:05:27 > 0:05:30# I'm gonna be your man
0:05:30 > 0:05:32# I wanna be your man... #
0:05:32 > 0:05:34'I do want to be with her, but married?
0:05:34 > 0:05:37'I mean, isn't heterosexual marriage a bit outdated now?'
0:05:37 > 0:05:40I guess I'm afraid. What the hell is wrong with me?
0:05:40 > 0:05:41COMPUTER BEEPS
0:05:41 > 0:05:44With 42 percent of marriages ending in divorce,
0:05:44 > 0:05:46I don't want to be another statistic.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51'Your 30s, you begin life as two halves of the same whole
0:05:51 > 0:05:55'and quickly realise that one half is making a lot of the decisions.'
0:05:55 > 0:05:58- Low-fat?- Just put it in the trolley.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59BOTTLE SMASHES
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Just wait in the car.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04'And so it begins.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08'You quickly realise everything the Brady Bunch taught you
0:06:08 > 0:06:10'about starting a family was wrong.'
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Can you stop her, please, Dane?
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Don't throw things, sweetie.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16This is all your fault.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19This is because you don't know how to co-parent.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Yes, dear.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Where are you going?
0:06:23 > 0:06:25'There's only way one way to future-proof yourself...'
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Vasectomy.
0:06:29 > 0:06:30'By the time you hit 40,
0:06:30 > 0:06:33'you're emotionally numb and physically worthless.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35'The job has destroyed your motivation,
0:06:35 > 0:06:37'you can't be bothered to talk to your partner over dinner,
0:06:37 > 0:06:40'let alone the show an interest in what your child is doing.'
0:06:40 > 0:06:43- Dane, can you tell her, please? - Yes, dear.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47At least someone's fingers are getting some action.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Fine. You can have the talk with her, then.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52I'll get the books.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57'The laughs around the family meal table have gone,
0:06:57 > 0:06:59'replaced with a silence so loud it echoes.'
0:06:59 > 0:07:02HEAVENLY CHOIR SINGS
0:07:02 > 0:07:06'Staggering into old age, you realise you've managed to push away
0:07:06 > 0:07:09'anyone who you thought would bring you a moment of happiness.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12'Your only salvation now will come from JC himself
0:07:12 > 0:07:15'as he guides you into the light.'
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Yeah, yeah!
0:07:17 > 0:07:18Ugh!
0:07:20 > 0:07:22'As you drift into oblivion,
0:07:22 > 0:07:25'you draw your last breath to say your final piece.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28'This is your legacy, you mustn't waste it.'
0:07:28 > 0:07:29Shut up, Kadean.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30Ugh!
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Dane...
0:07:34 > 0:07:36MUSIC: Mexican Hat Dance
0:07:36 > 0:07:38COMPUTER BEEPS
0:07:38 > 0:07:41'Reminder, office closes at 5pm
0:07:41 > 0:07:44'so all employees can prepare for the departmental football match.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46'This means you, Dane.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49'I'll need you to manage those balls for my benefit.'
0:07:52 > 0:07:54SHE SQUEALS
0:07:54 > 0:07:56So, you're engaged now, Dane.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Have you been monitoring my internet use, Kerry?
0:07:58 > 0:08:00- Of course. - Do we have to go through this again?
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Do I need to explain to you why this engagement is
0:08:02 > 0:08:04the worst idea you've ever had?
0:08:04 > 0:08:05Well, it's all a bit, you know ...
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Oh, have you volunteered for castration?
0:08:07 > 0:08:10You might as well. What use are your balls
0:08:10 > 0:08:13if you're only going to share them with one woman?
0:08:13 > 0:08:14'It's not technically sharing
0:08:14 > 0:08:18'if they're still safely in your fiancee's pocket.'
0:08:18 > 0:08:21Is that what you are now, Dane? Mr Whipped?
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Yeah, OK.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Bitches be crazy!
0:08:29 > 0:08:32'I have never met anyone so obsessed by balls.'
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Feel the squat, kids.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45It's a department store toilet on a Saturday afternoon,
0:08:45 > 0:08:47you don't want to touch the rim.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Yes, it's very simple - claw the opponent.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Claw the opponent.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Yeah, get a shovel and dig this. I'm fired up!
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Yeah, you're feeling good!
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Shut up, Janet! Game day, ladies and gentlemen.
0:09:03 > 0:09:08Remember, I am your Alex Ferguson and you're my Man United,
0:09:08 > 0:09:12and anyone who lets me down will be out of the transfer window.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14I mean, literally out the window
0:09:14 > 0:09:17with your P45 as a fucking parachute.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19So let's get out there.
0:09:19 > 0:09:20Yes, off you go.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22'I don't think sport is necessarily
0:09:22 > 0:09:24'the most important thing in the world,
0:09:24 > 0:09:26'especially when it's organised by work,
0:09:26 > 0:09:27'but you need to understand...'
0:09:27 > 0:09:29I've always been competitive.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Having a twin like Kadean, the fight begins in the womb.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35I was born into competition.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Lawrence, the babies are kicking.
0:09:40 > 0:09:41I can't feel anything.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44That's because they're kicking each other.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01I can't be held responsible for the way I am now.
0:10:05 > 0:10:10'So, you join us again at the ARSE inter-departmental football match.'
0:10:10 > 0:10:15Do we have an Italian in the house? Cos I can see some hot meatballs.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18You're so slick and black, you're looking like an oil spill.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Let's call BP in to clean this up.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23You look like Seal if he was an actual seal.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25I know you're sweaty, don't worry about it,
0:10:25 > 0:10:28let that sweat drip off your face onto your black body.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31You're looking like a chocolate fountain out there,
0:10:31 > 0:10:33it makes me want to dip my strawberry in it.
0:10:35 > 0:10:39It's been a tough week for the accounts team and, well, now...
0:10:40 > 0:10:43'Oh, aggressive play from young Dane there.'
0:10:43 > 0:10:45You want to chat to me about quarterly budgets?
0:10:45 > 0:10:46You'd didn't care about the budget
0:10:46 > 0:10:49when you ate my Kit-Kat when I was on holiday, did you?
0:10:49 > 0:10:51You wanted a break? Here's a break, Jerome!
0:10:51 > 0:10:53'Yes, he's had some issues to deal with off the pitch
0:10:53 > 0:10:56'and I think we're seeing that in his performance today.'
0:10:56 > 0:10:5880p in a vending machine, Jerome.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01'Let's see what the young player has to say for himself.'
0:11:01 > 0:11:02I let myself down out there,
0:11:02 > 0:11:05I let the boss down, all the kids at home that are watching.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08I mean, there weren't any kids, but if there had been.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10I let Nicola, my fiancee, down.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Nicola, shit! I'm meant to be having a wedding meeting today!
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Hey, where do you think you're going?
0:11:18 > 0:11:20- Home. I got sent off.- I get it.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25- Off to the sin bin with you, eh, Dane?- That's ice hockey.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Oh. Home for a soapy bath?
0:11:28 > 0:11:31The phrase is "early bath" and it...
0:11:31 > 0:11:32Doesn't matter. I've got to run.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35OK, well, let's just hope nobody's hidden your clothes
0:11:35 > 0:11:37as punishment for that nasty outburst.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Got to get me some more of that vitamin D.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51# Girl, let's just get married
0:11:51 > 0:11:53# I just wanna get married. #
0:11:55 > 0:11:58'Late...for a wedding meeting.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00'This is going to be unbearable.'
0:12:00 > 0:12:03- I know, I know.- You're late.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05- Yes.- Yes.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Yes, I'm sorry, OK?
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Well, I think, if you love somebody,
0:12:09 > 0:12:11then you should be with them for ever.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Then why haven't you proposed to the fridge, Kadean?
0:12:15 > 0:12:16Nic, your dad not come?
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Wouldn't be the first time he hasn't bothered.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22- Ha-ha! Jamaar always comes. - Oh, Dad!
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Hush your mouth, child!
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Be glad the world love your father.
0:12:29 > 0:12:30Dane.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32HE SUCKS THROUGH HIS TEETH
0:12:32 > 0:12:33Jamaar.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35HE SUCKS THROUGH HIS TEETH
0:12:35 > 0:12:36Dane.
0:12:36 > 0:12:37HE SUCKS THROUGH HIS TEETH
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Jamaar.
0:12:39 > 0:12:40HE SUCKS THROUGH HIS TEETH
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Dane.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44BOTH SUCK THROUGH THEIR TEETH
0:12:48 > 0:12:51What about you, eh, Stephan? You got a girl yet?
0:12:51 > 0:12:55No? You're not settling down to make a few babies for yourself, man?
0:12:55 > 0:12:58You got to have a boy, definitely got to have a boy.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01I've got eight of them. Different baby mothers, but you get me.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04I'm opting out of Western ideals at the moment.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Sowing those wild oats, are you?
0:13:07 > 0:13:10You got all the time in the world, my man, you got all the time.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13But, you - you've got no time.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16I happen to have a boyfriend, thank you.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Oh, yeah, the boyfriend who exists purely online.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21As if I'd bring him here to meet you, you rodent.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24What's his name again? Carlos?
0:13:24 > 0:13:26- Ketchup?- His name is Kavante
0:13:26 > 0:13:29and he happens to be a genius, thank you very much.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31- Is this the singer, Kadean?- Yeah.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33He's an online singing sensation, actually.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Er, a few clicks on YouTube does not a megastar make.
0:13:36 > 0:13:37Anyway, I want a word with you.
0:13:37 > 0:13:41How does everyone know about Nic and I getting engaged, Kadean?
0:13:43 > 0:13:46I can't wait, I'm going to get the most amazing bridesmaid's dress.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Then I'm going to get my hair done like Rihanna.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51Then I'm going to get my heels and they'll be this high...
0:13:53 > 0:13:56How am I supposed to know it's some big secret?
0:13:56 > 0:13:58- I knew it!- What is wrong with her telling people, Dane?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Because it's not her business.
0:14:02 > 0:14:03Dial it back a little, brother.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06There's an alien in the camp today.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08We need to reel that one in, remember?
0:14:08 > 0:14:11Get my man on side. I'm here to help.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16It's just different for the youths nowadays, innit?
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Gossiping with his little friend.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20I mean, where's your balls, boy?
0:14:20 > 0:14:23I'm telling you, you'd better be there for my daughter.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Like you were, Jamaar?
0:14:25 > 0:14:28- So there's never been a day you weren't there for her?- Enough.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32Unlike you, my boy, I didn't have some cushy job in the city.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Man had a real man job back in my day.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Ask your father, he knows, yeah?
0:14:37 > 0:14:41Men like us didn't sit behind some desk with some lickle mouse.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43You're still afraid of mice, Dane?
0:14:43 > 0:14:44SHE SNIGGERS
0:14:44 > 0:14:47- What?- Why are you telling people things like that?
0:14:47 > 0:14:49"People"? He's my dad, Dane.
0:14:49 > 0:14:53Hey, I bet you've not seen no pubic hair on a woman before, have you?
0:14:53 > 0:14:55- I, er...- I'm telling you, in my days,
0:14:55 > 0:14:57if we pull down some panty
0:14:57 > 0:14:59and see a ewok doin' a somersault,
0:14:59 > 0:15:01we still went in. You know why?
0:15:01 > 0:15:04- Because we were men.- Dad!
0:15:04 > 0:15:08Even if you got STD, we didn't care about that. And you know what?
0:15:08 > 0:15:11If you got one, you just drink a Lucozade and walk that off.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Well, that explains your unfortunate sexual history, doesn't it, Jamaar?
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Don't talk back, Dane, yeah?
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Me and your father from a different generation, yeah?
0:15:21 > 0:15:24I can feel the hardship from back home running through my veins.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26You? You've grown nice.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29You don't know one thing about struggle, my youth.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Weren't you born here, Jamaar?
0:15:31 > 0:15:34I don't think Bristol and Kingston are that similar.
0:15:34 > 0:15:38Oh, and how's that dancehall career going, Jamaar? Any bookings? No?
0:15:38 > 0:15:41- Oh, that's a shame(!) - I said that's enough.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43This is the boy you want?
0:15:43 > 0:15:47Dad, Dane totally understands that you have got artistic integrity.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50You hear that, boy? I got integrity.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Unlike you, living here with your mother and father.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55And you think my daughter is going to be your...
0:15:55 > 0:15:57# Night nurse... #
0:15:57 > 0:16:01- Mercy!- Dane, let me get back to planning the wedding. Try this cake.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04- Tell me what you think. - You've decided on a cake already?
0:16:04 > 0:16:08Yes, I am, Dane, cos that's what you do when you get engaged -
0:16:08 > 0:16:12- you plan a wedding. - Fine, I'll eat the whole damn thing.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16You're eating with a fork?!
0:16:16 > 0:16:19- And you want to marry my Nicole?! - Nicola.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23You're not ready for that yet, boy. Yeah? Look at you -
0:16:23 > 0:16:24too bloody soft!
0:16:24 > 0:16:26You want to see how soft I am, Jamaar?
0:16:26 > 0:16:28You can't even step to a girl.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31- How you think you're going to step to me?- This is all your fault.- Me?
0:16:31 > 0:16:34You're the one going around telling everyone. Well, I hope you're happy.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38I'm beginning to wonder whether you even want this wedding at all, Dane.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Well, do you?
0:16:43 > 0:16:45'It's not about what I want,
0:16:45 > 0:16:47'it's what about what I've been sentenced to.'
0:16:47 > 0:16:50And just how shall I punish this young man?
0:16:50 > 0:16:52What cruel fate awaits him?
0:16:52 > 0:16:53Let him be...
0:16:55 > 0:16:57..married!
0:16:57 > 0:16:58No, please, no!
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Please, sire!
0:17:00 > 0:17:02I don't have the finances for marriage,
0:17:02 > 0:17:04I have many tuppences to my name.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Well, do you?
0:17:06 > 0:17:11As a Nubian, I'm thankful for this glorious day, for the air,
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- for the sky...- Shut up, Stephan! - Don't you dare tell him to shut up!
0:17:14 > 0:17:17He's my best friend, I can say what I like to him.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20- If me and Nicola break up, it'll be all your fault.- Good riddance!
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Stay and live at your momma house for ever.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26- You can't stay here!- Living in Mummy house for ever.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28I need his room back now.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Lickle baby, lickle baby!
0:17:31 > 0:17:32My, you pussy or what?
0:17:32 > 0:17:34You can't stay here!
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Why don't you fuck off, Jamaar, you prick?!
0:17:42 > 0:17:44I need Dane to move out now because...
0:17:48 > 0:17:49..I'm pregnant!
0:17:49 > 0:17:51You're what?
0:17:54 > 0:17:55Yeah, what?
0:17:57 > 0:18:00'Now, you may be thinking, how shit of a twin am I?
0:18:00 > 0:18:02'Aren't you effectively one half of the same person?'
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Blah, blah, blah.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07And the answer is no. No, we are not.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Because I take after my parents and she takes after
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Satan, Satan, Satan!
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Come to think of it, though, the clues were there.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19'That juice she was sipping at the party was light on the gin
0:18:19 > 0:18:21'and heavy on the juice
0:18:21 > 0:18:24'and, if she wasn't hung over, there's only one explanation.'
0:18:24 > 0:18:25I feel sick.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Hm, what do you know?
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Is this true, Kadean?
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Yes, Daddy.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Yes, it is.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Sweet Jesus!
0:18:39 > 0:18:43I know you're expecting to hear, douf-douf-douf-douf-douf.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45But we are not doing that.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48This is a sensitive time for my sister and it's not that show.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Roll credits, please.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54# Oh-oh, baby
0:18:54 > 0:18:56# How do I know I'm a lady?
0:18:56 > 0:18:59# How do I know she baby?
0:18:59 > 0:19:01# Yeah
0:19:01 > 0:19:04# Sometimes I wonder how I never make it to
0:19:04 > 0:19:07# Into this world without having you
0:19:07 > 0:19:10# I just wouldn't have a clue
0:19:11 > 0:19:15# When I see you smile
0:19:15 > 0:19:16# I see the rings of life
0:19:16 > 0:19:18# Oh-oh... #
0:19:18 > 0:19:20A ewok doing a somersault.