0:00:11 > 0:00:19This programme contains strong language.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21APPLAUSE
0:00:21 > 0:00:24Hello, I'm Nick Grimshaw,
0:00:24 > 0:00:26welcome to Sweat The Small Stuff Extra Sweaty!
0:00:27 > 0:00:30CHEERING
0:00:33 > 0:00:34Hello, everybody!
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Welcome to Sweat The Small Stuff,
0:00:36 > 0:00:40the show that makes the big deal about the little things in life,
0:00:40 > 0:00:43cos those little things really are worth sweating about.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46I am not interested in the politics of this country,
0:00:46 > 0:00:50like what's happening with the Tories or Labour.
0:00:50 > 0:00:54I'm more concerned about Rochelle's labour going all over this floor.
0:00:54 > 0:00:55LAUGHTER
0:00:55 > 0:00:58That's a real issue. I don't want placenta on my shoes.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00LAUGHTER
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Shall we meet our team captains, everybody?
0:01:03 > 0:01:04CHEERING
0:01:04 > 0:01:06It's Rickie Haywood-Williams and Melvin O'Doom!
0:01:06 > 0:01:09CHEERING
0:01:09 > 0:01:12- How are you, Rickie? - I'm all right. What's going on?
0:01:12 > 0:01:15- Yeah, I'm all right. I'm good. - Do you like my top?- I don't know.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16I'm not sure about it.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19- You've both gone for a quite outlandish look today.- Yeah.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21I feel like I'm from East London.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Via Nigeria.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29On Rickie's team this evening is a pop superstar who is sweating it
0:01:29 > 0:01:32because, scientifically speaking, she must share at least
0:01:32 > 0:01:35some of the same genetic make-up as her cousin, Dappy.
0:01:35 > 0:01:36It's Tulisa, everybody.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39CHEERING
0:01:41 > 0:01:43And, joining them, we have an award-winning comedian from Canada
0:01:43 > 0:01:47who's sweating it in case we mention that she used to work in Hooters.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48It's Katherine Ryan!
0:01:48 > 0:01:50CHEERING
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Woo!
0:01:52 > 0:01:55And over on Melvin's team... Yeah, I know what you're thinking.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57She's still here.
0:01:57 > 0:01:58LAUGHTER
0:01:58 > 0:02:01She's been pregnant for five years now.
0:02:01 > 0:02:06- It's Rochelle Humes from The Saturdays.- Thank you, Grimmy.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08PARTY POPPER POPS
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Oh, no! Last week it was so much bigger.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14We spent the budget last week, cos you said you were having your baby.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16- I know.- She's back here again. - What can I do?
0:02:16 > 0:02:19What is weird, when we recorded this,
0:02:19 > 0:02:22what you're watching on the telly right now is a week ago.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24So anything could have happened.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27- Rickie could be dead. - ROCHELLE: Oh, no!
0:02:27 > 0:02:28Why me?
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Melvin could have had a growth spurt.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32LAUGHTER
0:02:32 > 0:02:34- Hopefully.- You will have probably had a baby.
0:02:34 > 0:02:35Oh, wow, yeah.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37This time next week, but now.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41Last week, if you're watching, but next week if you're here.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44So, let's talk as if you've had the baby.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47I want the scoop, the first interview. How did it go?
0:02:47 > 0:02:49LAUGHTER
0:02:49 > 0:02:51- I'm going to say really well. - Yes?- Yeah.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Did it sting?
0:02:53 > 0:02:57Oh, my God! What sort of a question is that?
0:02:57 > 0:02:58It's going to sting, Rochelle.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Joining Melvin and new mum Rochelle...
0:03:03 > 0:03:05You're such a weirdo.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08..is a notorious actor and TV hardman
0:03:08 > 0:03:11who never sweats about anything.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13In fact, he kicks his sweats in the nuts and then takes their
0:03:13 > 0:03:15mum for a night out on the tiles.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17LAUGHTER
0:03:17 > 0:03:18It's Danny Dyer!
0:03:18 > 0:03:21CHEERING
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- Hi, Danny Dyer! - Hello, baby.
0:03:26 > 0:03:31- I like it when you call me baby. Say it again.- Hello, baby.
0:03:31 > 0:03:32"Hello, baby."
0:03:32 > 0:03:35- You've been sweating about flies.- Yeah, flies.
0:03:35 > 0:03:36Why are they here?
0:03:36 > 0:03:37LAUGHTER
0:03:37 > 0:03:41- What do they want? What... What is it?- I've no idea!
0:03:41 > 0:03:44- They wake up in the morning... - They wake up!- ..if they wake up.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45LAUGHTER
0:03:45 > 0:03:48They fly about making a stupid noise, all right?
0:03:48 > 0:03:49What are they looking for?
0:03:49 > 0:03:51They're looking for a pile of shit to sit on.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54The worst flies are the ones in Spain.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57They land, you go like that, it's like a yo-yo. It just comes back.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02I tell you what I love - a fly stuck in a spider's web.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04LAUGHTER
0:04:04 > 0:04:06I look at it and go, "You're fucked."
0:04:06 > 0:04:08LAUGHTER
0:04:08 > 0:04:11"You ain't eating no more shit, mate. It's over."
0:04:11 > 0:04:13- What are they about? I don't get them.- I don't know.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15They fucking wind me up.
0:04:15 > 0:04:16LAUGHTER
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- Is everybody ready?- Yes! - Time now for Round One.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22As Sweat The Small Stuff is all about the little things in life,
0:04:22 > 0:04:27it seems appropriate that this round is all about little Melvin.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Melvin, tell everyone in the audience what you call your...
0:04:30 > 0:04:33downstairs pal.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37I call my private parts Carlito.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Oh, my God.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41How often do you call him Carlito? Do you talk to him?
0:04:41 > 0:04:44After sex, generally, I'm like, "Well done."
0:04:44 > 0:04:46LAUGHTER
0:04:46 > 0:04:48- You name yours?- I have a name.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50- What is it?- It's my Minky.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52LAUGHTER
0:04:52 > 0:04:55If I had your vagina, I'd call it Tulipsa.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58LAUGHTER
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Amazing!
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Tulisa, do you think it would be weird if you were with someone
0:05:04 > 0:05:07that named their own parts, if they named their bits?
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Or would you take it on the chin?
0:05:09 > 0:05:10The cheek, the forehead.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13LAUGHTER
0:05:13 > 0:05:17Pretty much all of my boyfriends have named their private parts.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Do they have sexy names or normal names? Like Colin.
0:05:20 > 0:05:25One of them had, like, three and one of them was Hercules.
0:05:25 > 0:05:26He had three penises?
0:05:26 > 0:05:28LAUGHTER
0:05:28 > 0:05:31I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
0:05:31 > 0:05:32I call mine Piers Morgan,
0:05:32 > 0:05:33because he's a massive cock.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35LAUGHTER
0:05:35 > 0:05:37APPLAUSE
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Hi, Piers! Hi, Piers!
0:05:40 > 0:05:43- Melvin, you're not the only one with a name, though.- Right.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46We've done some research and people actually do this.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50We found a teeny tiny story that says Justin Bieber's fans
0:05:50 > 0:05:52have nicknamed his penis Jerry.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55Jerry mouse, because it's a fucking tiny little thing, innit?
0:05:55 > 0:05:57LAUGHTER
0:05:57 > 0:05:59- It's mousy and small.- Makes sense.
0:05:59 > 0:06:00And goes into little holes.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02AUDIENCE: Oh!
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Stinks of cheese.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Stinks of cheese!
0:06:06 > 0:06:08I interviewed him once and I was in his hotel
0:06:08 > 0:06:12and there were all these people like, "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! "
0:06:12 > 0:06:15And he was laughing and I was like, "Who's Jerry?", and he was like...
0:06:16 > 0:06:21- What?!- So his fans, rather than shout his name, shout Jerry.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23I like the sound of that.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25- Would you like everybody in here to scream Carlito?- Give it a go.
0:06:25 > 0:06:30- Carlito!- AUDIENCE: Carlito! Carlito! Carlito!
0:06:30 > 0:06:32- DANNY:- Go on, get him out. Get him out.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34CHEERING AND LAUGHTER
0:06:34 > 0:06:38- No!- No-one wants to see that. - What is yours? My Minky?
0:06:38 > 0:06:39Minky's not as cute.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42My Minky! My Minky...
0:06:43 > 0:06:45- Do we think that people do have names?- I think so.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47- You reckon?- Yeah.- We thought we'd put this to the test,
0:06:47 > 0:06:50so we rounded up some people on the streets and asked them,
0:06:50 > 0:06:52"Do you have a name for your privates?"
0:06:52 > 0:06:55The way this is going to work is we'll see the person swear on this.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59The quiff of me.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01It's the hairy good book which we got them
0:07:01 > 0:07:03to swear on and tell the absolute truth.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05All you have to do to is decide
0:07:05 > 0:07:09if they've nicknamed their sexual reproductive organs.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11We're going to start with your team, Rickie.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Let's have the first person, please.
0:07:13 > 0:07:14Hi, my name's Claire
0:07:14 > 0:07:17and I swear by the Quiff of Grimmy to tell the whole truth.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Do you have a nickname for your privates?
0:07:19 > 0:07:21LAUGHTER
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Does she name her vagina?
0:07:23 > 0:07:25- She had trouble saying "quiff". - Yeah.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Maybe it's called Quiff.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30- Maybe.- What do you think? - I don't know.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32I'm making the decision for us. We'll say no.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35They're saying no, she doesn't name it. Let's find out.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Yeah, Minnie Moo.
0:07:37 > 0:07:38LAUGHTER
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Sad, but true.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Minnie Moo! Quite like yours.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44They should be friends.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46My Minkle and Minnie Moo.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47- Minkle?- Minkle?
0:07:47 > 0:07:49I don't know what your fanny's called!
0:07:49 > 0:07:51LAUGHTER
0:07:51 > 0:07:52For Melvin's team.
0:07:52 > 0:07:53Hi, my name's Kelly
0:07:53 > 0:07:57and I swear on the Quiff of Grimmy to tell the absolute truth.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Do you have a nickname for your privates?
0:07:59 > 0:08:01LAUGHTER
0:08:01 > 0:08:04- What do you reckon? - Yeah... Yeah, she has.- Rochelle?
0:08:04 > 0:08:07She did a little look up as if to say, "Oh, I'm thinking about it.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09"Am I going to tell the truth?"
0:08:09 > 0:08:11She'll probably say a pocket or something.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13- A pocket?- Something...
0:08:13 > 0:08:15But I don't think she'll admit it, though.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17- You going no?- Yeah. - OK, they're saying no.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19- Yeah.- What is it?
0:08:22 > 0:08:24I can't think of it off the top of my head.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28My little flower, or something like that.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Eurgh. My little flower.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34She said, "A flower, or something."
0:08:34 > 0:08:36That says to me she's talking bollocks.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39I reckon she's got a name for it and it's something dirty...
0:08:39 > 0:08:40Like stinging nettle.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42LAUGHTER
0:08:42 > 0:08:45Get hold of that. Stings you like that, pow!
0:08:45 > 0:08:47LAUGHTER
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Rickie, next one for you.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Hello, my name is John and on the Quiff of Grimmy
0:08:51 > 0:08:52I swear to tell the truth.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Have you got a nickname for your privates?
0:08:55 > 0:08:57LAUGHTER
0:08:57 > 0:09:00This ain't fair. This geezers got a muff round his fucking mouth.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03LAUGHTER
0:09:04 > 0:09:07What do we reckon? Does he name his private parts, yay or nay?
0:09:07 > 0:09:10See the way he's holding his hand up, he looks very...
0:09:10 > 0:09:12He looks like a religious man.
0:09:12 > 0:09:13He does look law-abiding.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16- I think he's going to be really honest.- He does look quite serious.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20And we know religious men don't do anything weird with their cocks.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23Are we going yes or no, does he name his private parts?
0:09:23 > 0:09:26I think he could be one of those dodgy foreign men
0:09:26 > 0:09:28that are like, "Yes, I call him...
0:09:28 > 0:09:29"moussaka."
0:09:31 > 0:09:34- Say yes. Every guy does, I think. - All right, we're going to say yes.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37You're seeing yes, he names his cock. Let's find out.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41- No, I haven't, I promise. - That was the religious thing!
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Too indie to name his penis.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Next one for Melvin's team.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Hi, my name is Del and on the Quiff of Grimmy I swear
0:09:49 > 0:09:51to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Do you have a nickname for your privates?
0:09:55 > 0:09:58- Yes, he does!- You saying yes? - He definitely does!
0:09:58 > 0:10:00He looks very suave, doesn't he?
0:10:00 > 0:10:03He looks like he might converse in like a gentleman's club
0:10:03 > 0:10:04with his penis with a cigar.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07It's got its own bank account, it's got its own mortgage, as well.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09- It's got its own life, yeah. - He talks to it all day long.
0:10:09 > 0:10:14It would be great if that was the nickname. All Day Long, All Day Long.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17- You think he names it? - Yeah, he looks like a powerful guy.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19I think it's well scrubbed and all, he looks after it.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22LAUGHTER
0:10:22 > 0:10:25You're saying he does name it. He also cleans it really well.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30No. And that's the truth.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33I swear, that's the truth.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35- Liar!- Would you like to name his penis, Danny Dyer?
0:10:35 > 0:10:38No, I think I've said enough tonight.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42OK, then. Rickie next one for you.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Hi, my name's Bryn
0:10:45 > 0:10:47and I swear on the Quiff of Grimmy to tell the absolute truth.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Do you have a nickname for your privates?
0:10:50 > 0:10:51LAUGHTER
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Does this man name his cock? Do you reckon?
0:10:54 > 0:10:57He's handsome, he's together. He's got a cardigan.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00- I'd say he's got an ego.- Yeah.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02I think we're going to say yes on this one.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05- You're going yes? - I think he calls it Twinkle.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Tulisa is saying yes and Twinkle. Let's find out.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10- Yes.- What is it?
0:11:10 > 0:11:11Bobby.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14- Barbie!?- Is it Bobby or Barbie?
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Bobby, I think he went for Bobby.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Melvin's team, one for you.
0:11:20 > 0:11:21Hello, my name is Yassine,
0:11:21 > 0:11:24and I swear on the Quiff of Grimmy I will tell the truth.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Do you have a nickname for your private parts?
0:11:27 > 0:11:30LAUGHTER
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Audience, does he name it?
0:11:32 > 0:11:34AUDIENCE: Yes!
0:11:34 > 0:11:36- No, he's got...- He's got a name?
0:11:36 > 0:11:38I pray that he names it.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40- They're going yes. - ROCHELLE: I want to hear him say it.
0:11:40 > 0:11:41Come on, son.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43- Yes.- What is it?
0:11:43 > 0:11:46- Yas.- What do you call it?- Yas.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49- Yas.- Yes?- Yes.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52LAUGHTER
0:11:52 > 0:11:54It's called Yas!
0:11:54 > 0:11:56APPLAUSE
0:11:56 > 0:11:59"Err..Yas."
0:11:59 > 0:12:00"Err...Yas."
0:12:01 > 0:12:03His name is Yassine,
0:12:03 > 0:12:05so his man downstairs is called Yas.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09So, basically, like half of his name. Little Yas.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11- Little Yas downstairs.- Yas.
0:12:11 > 0:12:12Thank you, teams, for playing
0:12:12 > 0:12:16that very highbrow round of On the Quiff of Grimmy.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18APPLAUSE
0:12:22 > 0:12:25And, Tulisa, I've got some of your Sweats here. What's the problem?
0:12:25 > 0:12:27I have deep issues with food.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30OK. Like what?
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Let's say I've spent all day cooking a shepherd's pie, right?
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Now, with my shepherds pie, I have to have cheese sprinkled
0:12:36 > 0:12:40across the top and Worcestershire sauce and salt and pepper.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Let's say if I sent my boyfriend to the shop when I'm cooking it
0:12:42 > 0:12:45and he came back without the cheese and the Worcestershire sauce
0:12:45 > 0:12:47and there was no salt and pepper.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49I wouldn't eat it.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Imagine getting home to an angry, cheeseless Tulisa.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53LAUGHTER
0:12:53 > 0:12:57At least you can train the guys up. As soon as they start dating...
0:12:57 > 0:12:59- "Train the guys up?"- Yeah!
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Because, now he knows, he's going to go to the shop,
0:13:01 > 0:13:03he's not going to come back with no cheese again,
0:13:03 > 0:13:05cos he got his head bitten off last time!
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Next time, he'll have the cheese.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10- Danny, have you ever been trained up by a woman?- No, no, no.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12I don't believe that!
0:13:12 > 0:13:15No, but women are petrifying. They can be.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18I imagine, if I was her fella, I'd be fucking...just...
0:13:18 > 0:13:20LAUGHTER
0:13:20 > 0:13:22Danny, isn't Tulisa worth it?
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Wouldn't you bring home the cheese to get a little cheddar?
0:13:24 > 0:13:27LAUGHTER
0:13:27 > 0:13:29OK, time for Round Two.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32What is it about this that I have been sweating about?
0:13:35 > 0:13:41HE PLAYS "LAST POST"
0:13:52 > 0:13:53GUN POPS
0:13:53 > 0:13:55CHEERING
0:13:57 > 0:14:01So, any ideas what it is about that that I've been sweating about?
0:14:01 > 0:14:03- Danny Dyer, what do you think? - Mouthy people?
0:14:03 > 0:14:06- Mouthy people.- Cocky celebrities?
0:14:06 > 0:14:08- Kind of.- MELVIN:- Like, beef. - TULISA:- Outspoken.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10If you've got there with war and mouthy celebrities.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13- MELVIN:- Celebrity beef? - TULISA:- Celebrities at war?
0:14:13 > 0:14:15- Online.- Online. Boom!
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Let's give them a point for their team. That's absolutely right.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20APPLAUSE
0:14:21 > 0:14:24We have been sweating about war, but a specific type of war.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Not like boring wars about oil. Ugh!
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Sweating about celebrity online wars.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32They're so much fun to follow, but my Sweat is that when...
0:14:32 > 0:14:35I tried to have beef with someone famous,
0:14:35 > 0:14:37but I thought I'd have beef with Rihanna.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39But she didn't even know about it.
0:14:39 > 0:14:40LAUGHTER
0:14:40 > 0:14:42I had a war with her in my own head.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44- She didn't even know about it. - Why did you do that?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46She cancelled on my radio show
0:14:46 > 0:14:49five minutes before she was meant to come on air.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51So then that's why I thought I'd have beef.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Yeah, but with a valid reason.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56No, the e-mail said - true story - Subject, Rihanna.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58E-mail, "Not happening."
0:14:58 > 0:15:00LAUGHTER
0:15:00 > 0:15:026:25am.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05We are honoured, actually, everybody,
0:15:05 > 0:15:09to have two of the best in the business at it in this room.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11We have Lieutenant General Tulisa
0:15:11 > 0:15:14and Field Marshal Danny Dyer.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17You are truly great online war heroes.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Do you both like to be quite outspoken and mouthy?
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Who have you had a go at in the celebrity world?
0:15:22 > 0:15:25God knows. Who's had a go at me? Then you'll find your answer.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28You'll notice anyone I've ever had an argument with
0:15:28 > 0:15:30or been mean to, it has been defending myself.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32- Yes.- In response to abuse. - Yeah, sister.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35However, Danny likes to have a feud with the public.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38In just the last week, Danny Dyer has told
0:15:38 > 0:15:40an aspiring actor from the Midlands that
0:15:40 > 0:15:43he was going to work at Matalan until the age of 40.
0:15:43 > 0:15:44LAUGHTER
0:15:44 > 0:15:48Told a bald man from Suffolk that he has a head like a crystal ball.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50I remember the crystal ball geezer, yeah.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Said that the game Scrabble could, "Get fucked."
0:15:54 > 0:15:56LAUGHTER
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Because we love an online feud so much, we are going to play
0:15:58 > 0:16:00a brand-new game - Online War Heroes!
0:16:00 > 0:16:02APPLAUSE
0:16:06 > 0:16:09OK, I'm going to give both teams the name of a celebrity
0:16:09 > 0:16:13and a comment they have posted about another celebrity online.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15All you have to do is guess which celebrity
0:16:15 > 0:16:18they were insulting for publicity.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Melvin's team, you are up first.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Zayn Malik off of One Direction. He tweeted...
0:16:25 > 0:16:28..winky smiley, but who did he tweet that to?
0:16:28 > 0:16:31I think that was one of The Wanted. They always fight, don't they?
0:16:31 > 0:16:32One of The Wanted.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34You say fight, I mean, fucking...
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Yeah, only over Twitter.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37I think it was Max.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40It was Max from The Wanted!
0:16:41 > 0:16:43A point to your team.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Our next one, for Rickie's team.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53"Stop tweeting about me and go and find some happiness! It's embarrassing..."
0:16:56 > 0:16:57Who did you say that to?
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Lord Twatteth.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Is it Lord Twatteth?
0:17:02 > 0:17:04It's Lord Sugar!
0:17:05 > 0:17:07That's such a funny person to have beef with.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10He literally, for the past two years, was just going for me.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12But this guy had a proper vendetta for no reason.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14- What's wrong with him? - Don't know.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17- Is he an ex-love? - He needs a shag or something.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Something's up with him.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Shall we try and start an online feud now?
0:17:21 > 0:17:22- AUDIENCE: Yes!- Shall we do one?
0:17:22 > 0:17:24I think it would be good. Can't we get you to do one?
0:17:24 > 0:17:27- You're good on Twitter. - I don't start them, I finish them.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Go on! OK, let's start one this time. Break the mould, Tulisa.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Why don't you start one? Start one with Dappy.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Just message Dappy, like, "You arsehole!"
0:17:33 > 0:17:37You know what? I am actually mad at Dappy for something.
0:17:37 > 0:17:38Why? What? Smelly beanie?
0:17:38 > 0:17:41No, he's living with me at the moment.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44- And is he behaving?- He is. Well.. - How is he as a houseguest?
0:17:44 > 0:17:48He was, up until I found a hole in my wall.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52Just message him. "@Dappy - Get home right now!"
0:17:53 > 0:17:55- Like what mums would say. - "@Dappy - Get home right now."
0:17:55 > 0:17:57"Get home, right now, you idiot!"
0:17:57 > 0:17:59"...immediately." Capital letters.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02- Yes!- "Or I'm going to spank your bottom."
0:18:02 > 0:18:05- He's my cousin.- Oh, yeah, don't spank his bottom.
0:18:05 > 0:18:09How about, "Dappy, why am I staring into your hole?"
0:18:09 > 0:18:11LAUGHTER
0:18:12 > 0:18:14- Are you doing it, Tulisa?- All right.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17"Dappy, get your arse home right now and fix this mess."
0:18:17 > 0:18:22"You dick." Go for dick, dick's offensive. "You dick!"
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Do you want to deal with the N-Dublets after this tweet?
0:18:25 > 0:18:28- N-Dublets don't sound too scary.- I know.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29Like the Munchkins.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31What have you said, Tulisa?
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Son is patronising.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42And that is going online now.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Sorry, Dappy, you've got war.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47- I'll start one with Tulisa right now.- It's fine.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49I'll just retweet it and let the N-Dublets deal with you.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Come at me!
0:18:51 > 0:18:53LAUGHTER
0:18:55 > 0:18:57I've got Danny Dyer on my side.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59I'll back you.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02Yes, me and Danny Dyer versus the N-Dublets. We'll have you.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05All rights, teams, thank you for playing Online War Heroes.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07APPLAUSE
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Right, it's time now for Rickie and Melvin - The Challenges.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16This is where, each week, I challenge our wonderful
0:19:16 > 0:19:17team captains to take a small
0:19:17 > 0:19:21Sweat out onto the streets and into the public's faces.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24This week's Sweat is all about food envy. Do you ever have that?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Have you ever ordered the wrong thing and regretted it?
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Ever had anything in your mouth that's backfired, Tulisa?
0:19:29 > 0:19:31AUDIENCE: Oh!
0:19:31 > 0:19:33You bastard!
0:19:33 > 0:19:34The N-Dublets!
0:19:34 > 0:19:36ROCHELLE: Grimmy looks petrified!
0:19:36 > 0:19:38Let's find out how they got on.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40This is Rickie and Melvin - The Challenges.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44- I should tell you why I brought you to these restaurant toilets.- Yeah.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47It's because this week's challenge is all about food envy.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50You know when you order and you're jealous of someone else's food?
0:19:50 > 0:19:51- OK.- It's all about that.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53So what we'll do is get you to complete as many
0:19:53 > 0:19:57challenges as possible in these gold envelopes.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59- Do you get it, Rickie?- Yes!
0:19:59 > 0:20:01- Do you get it, Melvin?- I do.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03OK. Back to business.
0:20:03 > 0:20:04LAUGHTER
0:20:13 > 0:20:14Am I going to win?
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Do bears shit in the woods? Do they?
0:20:17 > 0:20:18He's not going to win. He's not going to win.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Can you not put that in my face?
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Mmmm. Mmmm.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25- I'm going to win.- I'm going to win. - Shut up.- Shut up.
0:20:25 > 0:20:26- You shut up.- You shut up.
0:20:29 > 0:20:30OK, this week's tasks...
0:20:30 > 0:20:33taste somebody's meal.
0:20:33 > 0:20:34Man!
0:20:34 > 0:20:38Excuse me, guys, sorry to interrupt. I saw your food coming over.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40- What is that?- Calzone.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46- Evening. You're not on a date, are you?- No.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49- Well, my boyfriend's in the bathroom. - Your boyfriend?- Yeah.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53That looks so much better than this! Would you do a swap with me?
0:20:53 > 0:20:56- Swap a salad for my calzone? - Yeah, yeah.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59I saw your bread and it looks absolutely amazing.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02- Can I try a bit? - Yes, you can have some bread.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07Could you feed it to me before your boyfriend comes?
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Not really, no.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13You need a better sales pitch than swap that and that.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15What about if I get to taste a little bit?
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Mate, do you want to taste some of my calzone?
0:21:17 > 0:21:20- I'd love to. But you give me the bit.- You want me to feed you?
0:21:20 > 0:21:21LAUGHING: Here you go, mate.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28APPLAUSE
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Take home someone's meal.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34How am I going to take home a meal?
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Sorry to disturb you. Is anyone sitting there?
0:21:38 > 0:21:40I'm just going to be completely blunt with you guys.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42I've got really bad food envy.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44I just saw them bring your meal
0:21:44 > 0:21:47and everything about that meal says absolutely eat me.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49What is that you're eating, by the way?
0:21:52 > 0:21:54LAUGHTER
0:21:54 > 0:21:59I can't eat this. But your food looks really good. What is that?
0:21:59 > 0:22:01- Calzone.- Calzone.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05Would it be bang out of order if I took yours home and we did a swap?
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Not going to happen.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- Please.- Why don't you just order it?
0:22:10 > 0:22:13- They're not doing it any more. - No, sorry.- All right, fair enough.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16I'm going to get a doggy bag right now.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Could I take that home with me? Is that cool?
0:22:20 > 0:22:22- Is that not going to work?- No.
0:22:22 > 0:22:23It's not a problem...
0:22:24 > 0:22:26You're eating it right now?
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Sorry. Guys, you have a great evening.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33OK. Thank you so much.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39APPLAUSE
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Wow!
0:22:42 > 0:22:45At the end of that painful challenge, it was a draw,
0:22:45 > 0:22:47which means you have a point each!
0:22:47 > 0:22:50CHEERING
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Katherine, you have been sweating over the eyebrows of teenage girls.
0:22:54 > 0:22:55It's the time in your life
0:22:55 > 0:22:59that you try to do your own eyebrows cos you're poor and it's...
0:22:59 > 0:23:03- It's not a good idea, it ruins the face.- It's a tough thing.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06I remember girls at school, they'd all gone,
0:23:06 > 0:23:08so they'd just do it in pencil and they'd be all wonky
0:23:08 > 0:23:10and they'd look like a villain...
0:23:10 > 0:23:13And they don't know. You need to reach a certain age.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16You can't vote, you can't drive, you can't get a mortgage,
0:23:16 > 0:23:18don't touch your eyebrows.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Do you ever worry what you'd look like with no eyebrows?
0:23:21 > 0:23:24- I never want to see that day.- Well, we're going to do it right now.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Let's have a look at Katherine without any eyebrows whatsoever.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30There you are with eyebrows, nice and Katherine-like.
0:23:30 > 0:23:31And without.
0:23:31 > 0:23:36You see? I'm unemployable there. I look like I've been to prison!
0:23:36 > 0:23:38- Tulisa, shall we do you?- Oh, God.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Let's have a look at Tulisa without any eyebrows.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47- That is so funny, isn't it? - It's so weird.- I look like an alien!
0:23:47 > 0:23:50- Shall we do Danny Dyer, audience? - Yes.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Let's see what he looks like. Let's see regular Danny.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54There he is, a little bit of a tan.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56- Whack them off, go on. - Whack them off.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58LAUGHTER
0:23:58 > 0:24:00- So weird.- Size of my nut!
0:24:02 > 0:24:04I was just going to say that!
0:24:04 > 0:24:07And we have me. Let's do me. Let's get rid of them.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12- It's really scary. - That is not the one, is it?
0:24:14 > 0:24:16- You need eyebrows, don't you? - You do need eyebrows.
0:24:16 > 0:24:21If you take anything away tonight, you do need eyebrows.
0:24:21 > 0:24:22LAUGHTER
0:24:22 > 0:24:24It's time now for another Sweat.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26What is it about this that pretty much
0:24:26 > 0:24:29the entire world has been sweating about?
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Oh, hello! Any ideas, teams?
0:24:32 > 0:24:34- DANNY:- First of all, look at the size of this geezer.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36You stand up.
0:24:38 > 0:24:39Look how he wears that shirt.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41All that gym is a waste of time!
0:24:41 > 0:24:43LAUGHTER
0:24:43 > 0:24:47Look at that! Your arms are bigger than my legs!
0:24:47 > 0:24:48Oh, my God!
0:24:48 > 0:24:51It looks like really unsuccessful human cloning.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55You're like the by-product. Shall we get Rickie up over here, as well?
0:24:55 > 0:24:59KATHERINE: Is it when dads and kids dress alike?
0:24:59 > 0:25:00LAUGHTER
0:25:02 > 0:25:03There we go.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06ROCHELLE: Is it... I really mean this in the nicest possible way.
0:25:06 > 0:25:10But someone wearing the same outfit and they rock it a bit better?
0:25:10 > 0:25:12LAUGHTER
0:25:12 > 0:25:15That's exactly it, Rochelle!
0:25:15 > 0:25:17You win a point for your team.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19I'm talking about you, Melv!
0:25:19 > 0:25:20APPLAUSE
0:25:20 > 0:25:23That is correct. We have all been sweating about turning up somewhere
0:25:23 > 0:25:26only to find someone in the exact same outfit and, even worse,
0:25:26 > 0:25:28it's someone who looks better in it than you.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31A point for your team, Melvin.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33APPLAUSE
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Well done. Well done.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Have a look at this. We have a picture.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39It's worse if you're a famous person.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43Kim Kardashian in that infamous outfit. There she is.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45First of all, Mrs Doubtfire.
0:25:45 > 0:25:46LAUGHTER
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Robin Williams looks pretty good in it there.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52A couch there. Has that ever happened to you?
0:25:52 > 0:25:55It is a bit of a girl's worst nightmare, isn't it?
0:25:55 > 0:25:58Or maybe now Melv's worst nightmare, too.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00- It doesn't really happen to boys, does it?- No.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02- Well, this has happened to you. - Has it?
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Yes. There you are.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07LAUGHTER
0:26:07 > 0:26:09Fucking liberty taking.
0:26:09 > 0:26:10LAUGHTER
0:26:10 > 0:26:13And who looks better here? Alexa Chung off of fashion...
0:26:13 > 0:26:14or me?
0:26:14 > 0:26:17LAUGHTER
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Two killer looks there.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22- This is a hard one. - Who would you go for, Melvin?
0:26:22 > 0:26:24I mean, they are both smoking. Look at them legs!
0:26:24 > 0:26:28Erm, I think you win it on the stance, Grimmy.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31I think so. In your face, Chung!
0:26:31 > 0:26:34- I give it to Grimmy.- I like the way you pulled your socks up.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36She looks like she's wearing your famous wig on top of her head.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38- She's been wearing this. - That's what it looks like.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40It's funny for me cos it's fancy dress,
0:26:40 > 0:26:43but that's actually what Alexa Chung wears in the street.
0:26:43 > 0:26:44LAUGHTER
0:26:44 > 0:26:47But how good do you think you would be at spotting
0:26:47 > 0:26:50people in exactly the same outfits, is my question for you.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Could you do this? Could you work it out?
0:26:52 > 0:26:56- Yeah.- Well, let's find out as we play Snatch & Match.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58APPLAUSE
0:27:01 > 0:27:04Right, so I need a person from each team to play this game.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Who is going to play from your team, Rickie?
0:27:06 > 0:27:08The lovely Tulisa.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- Melvin, who's going to play from your team?- Danny Dyer!
0:27:11 > 0:27:13CHEERING DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:27:16 > 0:27:18It's going to be a feisty battle.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Danny and Tulisa, join me round the front,
0:27:20 > 0:27:23round here, as we play Snatch & Match!
0:27:23 > 0:27:26APPLAUSE
0:27:28 > 0:27:30- All right, Danny? - All right, geeze? All right, geeze?
0:27:30 > 0:27:32- What are you saying? - Do you want some?
0:27:32 > 0:27:34Have a fight! Have a fight!
0:27:34 > 0:27:38OK, this is how it works. I've split the audience into two, right?
0:27:38 > 0:27:40Two halves. One half is for you, Danny Dyer,
0:27:40 > 0:27:42the other half is for you, Tulisa.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45In each of your halves, we have hidden three pairs
0:27:45 > 0:27:49of human beings wearing exactly the same outfits.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53You just need to find them and bring them down, back here.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56The team who brings back their three matching pairs first wins
0:27:56 > 0:27:58a massive point for their team.
0:27:58 > 0:28:00- Are you ready, Danny Dyer? - Come on, let's have it!
0:28:00 > 0:28:02OK, go grab some humans!
0:28:02 > 0:28:04CHEERING
0:28:06 > 0:28:08Tulisa's going on a tight session.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10- Danny Dyer...- There you are.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Yes, hello.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17- It's so difficult!- Hello!
0:28:18 > 0:28:20Danny's being quite calm.
0:28:21 > 0:28:22- Tulisa.- Blue top, blue top.
0:28:22 > 0:28:25Tulisa, no idea. Danny's got one.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27- Oi! Get up, come on! - Danny's got one.
0:28:27 > 0:28:29Yes, Danny Dyer.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32APPLAUSE
0:28:32 > 0:28:33Who's going to get back?
0:28:35 > 0:28:37Tulisa makes it back first.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39AUDIENCE SHOUTS
0:28:40 > 0:28:42Oh, there's one. There's one.
0:28:42 > 0:28:44AUDIENCE SHOUTS
0:28:45 > 0:28:47Here we go.
0:28:51 > 0:28:54CHEERING
0:28:56 > 0:28:58CHEERING DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:29:01 > 0:29:02LAUGHTER
0:29:02 > 0:29:06I'm just playing the game, bruv, do you know what I mean?
0:29:06 > 0:29:08What? OK, this is how it works.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11Tulisa, you can have a point for winning.
0:29:11 > 0:29:14But Danny Dyer can have a point for finding my new life partner.
0:29:14 > 0:29:16LAUGHTER
0:29:16 > 0:29:18Well done, teams!
0:29:18 > 0:29:21And thank you for playing Snatch & Match, everybody!
0:29:28 > 0:29:32OK, Danny Dyer, it says here you've been sweating about this
0:29:32 > 0:29:34miniature dog, the Chihuahua.
0:29:34 > 0:29:39Yeah, I got bullied into buying a Chihuahua by my daughters.
0:29:39 > 0:29:42- They wanted a Teacup Chihuahua. - They're tiny, aren't they?
0:29:42 > 0:29:44There's no such thing as a Teacup Chihuahua.
0:29:44 > 0:29:46What it is is the runt of the litter, right?
0:29:46 > 0:29:49It's a little thing sitting in the corner, shaking,
0:29:49 > 0:29:50with piss coming out its eyes.
0:29:50 > 0:29:53LAUGHTER
0:29:53 > 0:29:56There's a geezer over the park with a Frisbee with a big,
0:29:56 > 0:29:58red setter dog, chucking his Frisbee,
0:29:58 > 0:30:00the dog's catching it and all that.
0:30:00 > 0:30:01And I'm walking along.
0:30:01 > 0:30:04My dog's a bit cold, his jumper ain't thick enough.
0:30:04 > 0:30:06LAUGHTER
0:30:08 > 0:30:10Has he got a name?
0:30:10 > 0:30:11It's called...Dodger.
0:30:11 > 0:30:13LAUGHTER
0:30:13 > 0:30:15We looked after my friend's the other day.
0:30:15 > 0:30:17It did not know its own name.
0:30:17 > 0:30:19It was just like...
0:30:19 > 0:30:20LAUGHTER
0:30:22 > 0:30:24It just does that all day. It's like,
0:30:24 > 0:30:26what's the point? It's just like...
0:30:27 > 0:30:29They're so stupid.
0:30:29 > 0:30:32Right, it's time now for The Big, Little Question.
0:30:32 > 0:30:34We asked our viewers the biggest little question
0:30:34 > 0:30:37that we've been sweating about this week, which was
0:30:37 > 0:30:39what is the most embarrassing thing your parents do?
0:30:39 > 0:30:42The public said the most embarrassing thing that parents do
0:30:42 > 0:30:44was to try and act cool.
0:30:44 > 0:30:47What I thought I'd do, cos my mum and dad were quite embarrassing when I was a kid,
0:30:47 > 0:30:50I thought I'd dedicate my adult life to embarrassing them now.
0:30:50 > 0:30:52That's why I chose this career.
0:30:52 > 0:30:56And also, if you would like to witness exhibit A,
0:30:56 > 0:30:58this is me and my father enjoying Christmas Day.
0:31:01 > 0:31:04I thought when my dad was watching television,
0:31:04 > 0:31:07he'd like me to wear a turban and pull my boxer shorts into a thong.
0:31:08 > 0:31:11One of the things that really annoys me is
0:31:11 > 0:31:15when my parents tell all sorts of embarrassing facts and stories,
0:31:15 > 0:31:18you know, to like a roomful of people. That's embarrassing.
0:31:18 > 0:31:19Which leads me onto our next game -
0:31:19 > 0:31:22the Rickie And Melvin's Parents Have Secretly Given Us
0:31:22 > 0:31:25Embarrassing Facts About Rickie And Melvin Without Them Knowing game.
0:31:25 > 0:31:28- Yeah! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:31:32 > 0:31:33It's a catchy title.
0:31:33 > 0:31:35OK, teams, we have secretly got in touch with
0:31:35 > 0:31:38Rickie and Melvin's parents who, it turns out,
0:31:38 > 0:31:41were more than happy to tell us all sorts of stuff about them.
0:31:41 > 0:31:42All sorts of embarrassing stuff.
0:31:42 > 0:31:46I'm going to read out some of those facts about our team captains.
0:31:46 > 0:31:49Guess which one is correct and you'll win a point for your team.
0:31:49 > 0:31:52Rickie's team, you'll answer questions about Melvin.
0:31:52 > 0:31:55Melvin's team, you'll be answering questions about Rickie.
0:31:55 > 0:31:57Melvin's team are up first.
0:31:57 > 0:31:59Question one -
0:31:59 > 0:32:02what was Rickie's favourite item of clothing at school?
0:32:02 > 0:32:07Did he like A, a turquoise shell suit? B, a Burberry shirt?
0:32:07 > 0:32:10Or C, a leather waistcoat?
0:32:10 > 0:32:13I think I know this! I think it was a Burberry shirt.
0:32:13 > 0:32:15Did he ever rock a leather waistcoat?
0:32:15 > 0:32:18Not that I can remember. I pray that he did!
0:32:18 > 0:32:19What are you going to go for?
0:32:19 > 0:32:22I can definitely remember a Burberry something.
0:32:22 > 0:32:23You saying Burberry, yeah?
0:32:23 > 0:32:27And he wore it all through uni for any special occasion.
0:32:27 > 0:32:29OK, they're saying, B, a Burberry shirt.
0:32:29 > 0:32:31APPLAUSE
0:32:32 > 0:32:36- Why would she do this to me?- Look at that picture.- Look at the earrings!
0:32:36 > 0:32:38I look like something from Pirates Of The Caribbean.
0:32:38 > 0:32:40We also have a picture of option C.
0:32:40 > 0:32:43If you'd gone for that, you would have got that correct.
0:32:43 > 0:32:45Let's see the leather waistcoat.
0:32:47 > 0:32:48You look amazing!
0:32:48 > 0:32:50Right, one for you, Rickie's team.
0:32:50 > 0:32:52When Melvin got into fights at school,
0:32:52 > 0:32:55he was too small and wimpy to stand up for himself. No shit!
0:32:55 > 0:32:57LAUGHTER
0:32:57 > 0:33:00But who did he get to fight his battles on his behalf?
0:33:00 > 0:33:04Did he go for option A, his dog? Option B, his mum?
0:33:04 > 0:33:07Or option C, his little sister?
0:33:07 > 0:33:10- His sister does fight a lot of his battles for him.- Does she?- Yeah.
0:33:10 > 0:33:13Well, he said that when they used to have sibling fights,
0:33:13 > 0:33:17- she'd beat him up a lot of the time. - But a mum is very powerful.
0:33:17 > 0:33:19A mum's a powerful weapon.
0:33:19 > 0:33:22Like, my daughter is nearly four and when she goes to big-girl school
0:33:22 > 0:33:25I'm very scared of bullying, but I have a plan.
0:33:25 > 0:33:29See, if anyone bullies my daughter, I will sleep with the bully's dad.
0:33:29 > 0:33:31LAUGHTER
0:33:31 > 0:33:33You don't like having two birthdays?
0:33:33 > 0:33:35You don't like being in the car for two hours
0:33:35 > 0:33:37visiting your parents, they're split up?
0:33:37 > 0:33:39Maybe you shouldn't have bullied my child.
0:33:40 > 0:33:43You bully my child, I'll have sex with your dad.
0:33:43 > 0:33:46I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it, I'll do it.
0:33:46 > 0:33:49- Rickie's team, are we going for A, B, or C?- I've got no idea.
0:33:49 > 0:33:52- He didn't have a dog, so it's not a dog.- Mum or sister?
0:33:52 > 0:33:53I'm going to say...
0:33:53 > 0:33:56- I'm going to say his mum. - You think mum?
0:33:56 > 0:33:58OK, they're saying B, mum.
0:33:58 > 0:34:01No, it is his sister. There they are.
0:34:01 > 0:34:04Look at her, she'd take on anyone!
0:34:04 > 0:34:06She's called The Destroyer!
0:34:06 > 0:34:09Right, let's have one for you, Melvin's team.
0:34:09 > 0:34:12When Rickie was 16, his mum caught in the kitchen
0:34:12 > 0:34:13with his first girlfriend,
0:34:13 > 0:34:15but what were they doing in that kitchen?
0:34:15 > 0:34:20Were they A, snogging with a little bit of touching?
0:34:20 > 0:34:22B, playing conkers?
0:34:24 > 0:34:28C, eating jam on toast?
0:34:28 > 0:34:31Rickie is a good son, so...
0:34:31 > 0:34:33What do you think, Danny?
0:34:33 > 0:34:36He wouldn't be playing conkers, would he?
0:34:36 > 0:34:38I'd be worried if he was.
0:34:38 > 0:34:41- But the thing is... - Tonguing her.- Tonguing her?
0:34:41 > 0:34:44Rickie taught me everything I know. So I think...
0:34:44 > 0:34:46- You think so? - I think he was probably just kissing
0:34:46 > 0:34:50and he thinks in his head that Mum didn't see, but he got caught.
0:34:50 > 0:34:53It's actually eating toast.
0:34:54 > 0:34:57Right, for you guys, when Melvin was nine years old,
0:34:57 > 0:35:01he performed a rap at school to his entire school assembly.
0:35:01 > 0:35:03But what was the rap about?
0:35:03 > 0:35:05A, boobs?
0:35:05 > 0:35:07B, STDs?
0:35:07 > 0:35:09Or C, chicken and chips?
0:35:09 > 0:35:12What did he go for?
0:35:12 > 0:35:14- It's got to be chicken and chips. - You're saying chicken and chips.
0:35:14 > 0:35:17It's all he ever talks about to this very day.
0:35:17 > 0:35:21You think chicken and chips? That's absolutely incorrect.
0:35:21 > 0:35:23He performed a rap about what, Melvin?
0:35:23 > 0:35:25It was called Go See The Doctor.
0:35:25 > 0:35:27LAUGHTER
0:35:27 > 0:35:30- What was it about, Melvin? - It was about an STD.
0:35:31 > 0:35:33But the thing is, I can't remember...
0:35:33 > 0:35:35You can't remember the words?
0:35:35 > 0:35:37Don't worry, we've got a printout here.
0:35:37 > 0:35:39Take it as a hymn sheet if you want.
0:35:39 > 0:35:43We can recreate this magic right now. Can I have a beat?
0:35:43 > 0:35:45Who can make a beat?
0:35:45 > 0:35:49KATHERINE BEAT-BOXES BADLY
0:35:49 > 0:35:51RAPS: Three days later I go see the doctor
0:35:51 > 0:35:54I was walking down the street, I was rocking my beat
0:35:54 > 0:35:56Clapping my hands and stomping my feet
0:35:56 > 0:35:58I saw a little lady so neat and petite
0:35:58 > 0:36:01So sweet that I wanted to meet
0:36:01 > 0:36:03So I asked this lady could I take her out
0:36:03 > 0:36:05We could wine and dine and talk about
0:36:05 > 0:36:07The birds and the bees in my waterbed
0:36:07 > 0:36:09We continued to talk and before we knew it
0:36:09 > 0:36:12We were at my house and it was time to do it
0:36:12 > 0:36:14As soon as I finished I lost my poise
0:36:14 > 0:36:16I ran outside and told all my boys
0:36:16 > 0:36:19I said, listen up, fellas Come over here and bust it
0:36:19 > 0:36:20LAUGHTER
0:36:20 > 0:36:22Do it in Ghanaian!
0:36:22 > 0:36:26They said, Did you get it? I said, Yeah. Hey, how was it?
0:36:26 > 0:36:27# Go see the doctor. #
0:36:27 > 0:36:30LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:36:31 > 0:36:34I think it's a really nice rap for any child.
0:36:34 > 0:36:36It was educational at the time.
0:36:36 > 0:36:39Thank you for playing the Rickie And Melvin's Parents
0:36:39 > 0:36:42Have Secretly Given Us Embarrassing Facts About Rickie And Melvin
0:36:42 > 0:36:44Without Them Knowing game. Good game.
0:36:44 > 0:36:46APPLAUSE
0:36:48 > 0:36:51Time now for The Sweatbox, where you get
0:36:51 > 0:36:53to actually help members of this very audience
0:36:53 > 0:36:56who will tell you what small thing they have been sweating about.
0:36:56 > 0:36:59You do your best to help them out with advice and whichever team
0:36:59 > 0:37:02they decide has given them the most help will get the point.
0:37:02 > 0:37:03Are we ready?
0:37:03 > 0:37:05- MELVIN:- Yes!
0:37:05 > 0:37:06Yeah. Who's in The Sweatbox, please?
0:37:06 > 0:37:09- I'm Jordan.- Hi, Jordan. What is your Sweat?
0:37:09 > 0:37:11Basically, my eyebrows are out of control.
0:37:11 > 0:37:13LAUGHTER
0:37:13 > 0:37:15What do you mean? They are quite big.
0:37:15 > 0:37:18I had an ex and she plucked them really badly, so it was well thin,
0:37:18 > 0:37:21so I had to go through a stage where I had to grow them.
0:37:21 > 0:37:24So I went about six months without plucking them or anything
0:37:24 > 0:37:26and it was basically just like a monobrow.
0:37:26 > 0:37:29I got them waxed for my first time ever just about two months ago
0:37:29 > 0:37:32and now I go two times a month just to get them waxed,
0:37:32 > 0:37:34and it really hurts.
0:37:34 > 0:37:36I can tell. They're very shaped.
0:37:36 > 0:37:39So, basically, they were normal, then they went small,
0:37:39 > 0:37:42then now they're out of control and constantly growing on your face.
0:37:42 > 0:37:45- They won't stop growing. - You've got Delevingne-itis.
0:37:45 > 0:37:47That's what you've got. A serious problem.
0:37:47 > 0:37:49Do you have a nickname for your eyebrows?
0:37:49 > 0:37:51I get called Slug, Caterpillar Boy, Mars Bars.
0:37:51 > 0:37:52ROCHELLE: You speak like...
0:37:52 > 0:37:54- Joey Essex.- Joey Essex. - Yeah, he does.
0:37:54 > 0:37:56That's not a good thing.
0:37:56 > 0:37:57LAUGHTER
0:37:57 > 0:37:59He really sounds like him!
0:37:59 > 0:38:01Danny, what advice have you got in male grooming?
0:38:01 > 0:38:04Do you have any views about eyebrow plucking and things?
0:38:04 > 0:38:06I mean, they are proper eyebrows, aren't they?
0:38:06 > 0:38:07LAUGHTER
0:38:07 > 0:38:11- Are they quite heavy on the face? - Yeah, they stop the sweat as well.
0:38:11 > 0:38:14- That's good.- Why don't you just leave them? You look like a proper geezer.
0:38:14 > 0:38:16- But I get the middle bit. - Don't pluck them.
0:38:16 > 0:38:18I don't know why you let your bird pluck your eyebrows.
0:38:18 > 0:38:21Babe, get the fuck away from me with your fucking...
0:38:21 > 0:38:22- Tweezers.- Tweezers.
0:38:22 > 0:38:24LAUGHTER
0:38:24 > 0:38:27I would say maybe don't make them look as groomed as they are now.
0:38:27 > 0:38:31Maybe just pluck the centre, so you don't go full Gallagher.
0:38:31 > 0:38:33And does it happen quite quick overnight?
0:38:33 > 0:38:35Well, this was about a week ago now.
0:38:35 > 0:38:38Cos sometimes I to go to bed normal and when I wake up in the morning
0:38:38 > 0:38:41I look like Noel Gallagher, it's just joined overnight.
0:38:41 > 0:38:43- It's really quick. - So do you pluck them?
0:38:43 > 0:38:47I have to pluck the middle there, but literally twice a year.
0:38:47 > 0:38:49But it will be normal, I'll go to bed tonight...
0:38:49 > 0:38:51It could be tomorrow, I never know when it is.
0:38:51 > 0:38:54I wake up tomorrow and it's full and I'm like, "Urgh!"
0:38:54 > 0:38:56And you get rid of it and it's gone for ages,
0:38:56 > 0:38:57but it always creeps up on you.
0:38:57 > 0:39:00Just leave it, just leave it alone, you know what I mean?
0:39:00 > 0:39:02Why don't you wear snowboarding goggles 24/7?
0:39:02 > 0:39:05Shall we see what you look like without eyebrows?
0:39:05 > 0:39:08We did this before to everyone else. There you are normally.
0:39:08 > 0:39:11Let's see what you look like without the eyebrows cos this could be...
0:39:11 > 0:39:13LAUGHTER
0:39:13 > 0:39:15No, you need your eyebrows.
0:39:15 > 0:39:17Shave them off, I say, look like that.
0:39:17 > 0:39:21No, you look good. You know, I'm from Canada.
0:39:21 > 0:39:23It's animalistic, your look. I love a bear.
0:39:23 > 0:39:27You could dive into my river like the salmon were migrating.
0:39:27 > 0:39:28LAUGHTER
0:39:28 > 0:39:30I'm loving it, don't change a thing.
0:39:30 > 0:39:32- Do you have any other advice?- I do.
0:39:32 > 0:39:35- OK, so you are obviously unhappy with them?- Yeah.
0:39:35 > 0:39:37There are a number of treatments you can use to deal with them.
0:39:37 > 0:39:40Apparently, threading your eyebrows is a lot better than waxing,
0:39:40 > 0:39:43so it prevents it coming back as quick.
0:39:43 > 0:39:47Also, the strongest form of treatment you can do is laser.
0:39:47 > 0:39:51- Go on, T!- Oh, my God, are you a doctor? That was amazing!
0:39:51 > 0:39:53Hashtag just sayin'.
0:39:53 > 0:39:56Are you going to go for the sensible option of advice from Tulisa
0:39:56 > 0:40:00or Melvin's option of wearing ski goggles?
0:40:00 > 0:40:06- I think I'll go for Rickie's team. - Rickie's team, a point for you guys!
0:40:06 > 0:40:08APPLAUSE
0:40:08 > 0:40:10Who's next in The Sweatbox?
0:40:10 > 0:40:12- Hello, I'm Georgina.- Hi, Georgina!
0:40:12 > 0:40:15- Hi.- What is your Sweat?
0:40:15 > 0:40:18Well, someone did a poo in my kettle and boiled it.
0:40:18 > 0:40:21AUDIENCE: Oh!
0:40:21 > 0:40:24Basically, we had a house party for my birthday
0:40:24 > 0:40:27and someone did a poo in the kettle and boiled it.
0:40:27 > 0:40:30- ROCHELLE: How did you know? - How did you find it?
0:40:30 > 0:40:32GEORGINA: Because it boiled everywhere.
0:40:32 > 0:40:35It stunk the whole house.
0:40:35 > 0:40:40Oh, my God. Danny. Any advice for Georgina here?
0:40:40 > 0:40:43You've got to find out who it is and then go round to their house
0:40:43 > 0:40:45and shit all over their fucking carpet.
0:40:45 > 0:40:46LAUGHTER
0:40:46 > 0:40:48APPLAUSE
0:40:51 > 0:40:52You don't know who done it?
0:40:52 > 0:40:55We reckon it's one of three people, but what do you say?
0:40:55 > 0:40:56"Did you poo in my kettle?"
0:40:56 > 0:40:58LAUGHTER
0:40:58 > 0:41:01Yes! I would be offended, though, if I woke up hungover,
0:41:01 > 0:41:04say one Sunday afternoon, I got a call from Georgina.
0:41:04 > 0:41:07"Hiya, rough today." "Did you poo in my kettle?!"
0:41:07 > 0:41:08LAUGHTER
0:41:08 > 0:41:11- MELVIN:- Do you think they were trying to make Ass-am tea?
0:41:12 > 0:41:14Or CRAP-uccino?
0:41:14 > 0:41:17LAUGHTER
0:41:17 > 0:41:19Georgina, have you still got the kettle?
0:41:19 > 0:41:20Err... No.
0:41:20 > 0:41:22- ROCHELLE: No, you were going to say...- She has!
0:41:22 > 0:41:24- You have, haven't you?- Terrible!
0:41:24 > 0:41:26People round at your house like...
0:41:28 > 0:41:30"Is this milk off?"
0:41:31 > 0:41:33Guys over here, what would we do?
0:41:33 > 0:41:36All right, I think, first of all, you've got to find out who it is
0:41:36 > 0:41:38and then what you do is you go round their house
0:41:38 > 0:41:40and you piss in their vodka and Red Bull.
0:41:40 > 0:41:41LAUGHTER
0:41:41 > 0:41:44So, both great options. Who are you going for?
0:41:44 > 0:41:45GEORGINA: That team.
0:41:45 > 0:41:47- You're going for Team Rickie?- Yes.
0:41:47 > 0:41:48OK, another point for your team.
0:41:48 > 0:41:50APPLAUSE
0:41:50 > 0:41:52Thank you, Georgina.
0:41:53 > 0:41:54That is so bad!
0:41:56 > 0:41:57And that was the final round
0:41:57 > 0:42:01and I can reveal that tonight's winners are...
0:42:01 > 0:42:02Rickie's team!
0:42:02 > 0:42:04APPLAUSE
0:42:09 > 0:42:12A big thank you to Rickie, Tulisa, Katherine Ryan, Melvin,
0:42:12 > 0:42:15Rochelle and Danny Dyer.
0:42:15 > 0:42:19This has been Sweat The Small Stuff, I've been Nick Grimshaw. Good night!
0:42:24 > 0:42:26Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd