Episode 1

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:00:00. > :00:21.This programme contains some strong language.

:00:22. > :00:31.CHEERING AND APPLAUSE hello, hi, I'm Nick Grimshaw.

:00:32. > :00:36.Welcome to a brand-new series of Sweat the Small Stuff, yeah! And

:00:37. > :00:45.these are the people who are going to be sweating it

:00:46. > :00:54.these are the people who are going because his new opening highlights

:00:55. > :01:00.how small he is, is it is Melvyn. And the EastEnders actress who found

:01:01. > :01:05.out the real reason why Danny Dyer took the job, and the X Factor stud

:01:06. > :01:10.who is sweating it because he's never seen this many hopeless

:01:11. > :01:15.wannabes in one room before, it is Matt Richardson. And the team

:01:16. > :01:22.Captain, a proud new mum who is sweating it because she's been up

:01:23. > :01:26.all night breast-feeding, it is Rochelle, and a come hike is

:01:27. > :01:35.sweating it because the last time he was in a line-up like this he ended

:01:36. > :01:41.up with a criminal record, it is mass murderer Seann Walsh. And his

:01:42. > :01:52.mum's got the lock on the iPlayer, it is Conor Maynard everybody! Let's

:01:53. > :01:59.go Sweat the Small Stuff. Hi. Hello. Let's start off by

:02:00. > :02:07.finding out how our team captains are. Malcolm Odoom, good to see you.

:02:08. > :02:15.Good to see you Grimmy. Do you like my trousers? I'm worried they make

:02:16. > :02:21.me look like I'm at the cricket Your mum is gangsta? No, she is

:02:22. > :02:25.actual gangsta. She is watching in Holloway Prison. Hi mum. Rochelle

:02:26. > :02:31.welcome to the show. You seemed to have changed since the last series.

:02:32. > :02:34.You mean I'm not fat? Zarlings you're thin! You lost a baby out of

:02:35. > :02:39.your body and it's alive and everything? I had a baby girl and

:02:40. > :02:42.your body and it's alive and she is very good. Is she bigger than

:02:43. > :02:46.your body and it's alive and Melvyn yet? You know what, she's

:02:47. > :02:52.about a foot taller. Let's get to know your team-mates this week. We

:02:53. > :02:54.have Jacqueline Jossa off EastEnders.

:02:55. > :03:02.APPLAUSE Hi Jacqueline. How are you? I'm good thank you how

:03:03. > :03:06.are you? You've never done a panel show before? Be nice to you. Melvyn

:03:07. > :03:11.will be really nice to you I imagine. Melvyn will be helpline

:03:12. > :03:16.nice. Is there anything about being on EastEnders that makes you sweat

:03:17. > :03:24.or is it the dream job for you? It's the dream job but you also have to

:03:25. > :03:31.kiss older men. Eww, kissing. How is that, is it awful? Yeah. No offence

:03:32. > :03:38.to them, but it's scary. Who've you had to kiss so far? Jamie, who was

:03:39. > :03:45.Warren on Hollyoaks. Have you kissed Ian Beale? Is he still a tramp? No,

:03:46. > :03:53.he's not a tramp. Remember when he was a crackhead and he came around

:03:54. > :03:57.that tree? I thought he was on meth or something. Everybody, Conor

:03:58. > :04:03.Maynard is here. Welcome to the show Conor. Thank you for having me. It's

:04:04. > :04:07.awkward because me and Rochelle are racing in the charts right now. She

:04:08. > :04:17.didn't know we were relesion at the same time and she tweeted about my

:04:18. > :04:22.single, I love Conor and she deleted it. Seann, do you have a single out?

:04:23. > :04:29.I didn't even know they still had the charts. You look like the star

:04:30. > :04:38.of Nickelback over there. What a what a line-up. The closest I would

:04:39. > :04:40.be was if I was in the line-up in Never Mind the

:04:41. > :04:43.be was if I was in the line-up in Nicola I want my money back.

:04:44. > :04:50.APPLAUSE Let's get on with Nicola I want my money back.

:04:51. > :04:56.it's about something that Melvyn's been sweating about. Pray tell. I'm

:04:57. > :05:00.not going to Naymars but I have a friend and his girlfriend liked him

:05:01. > :05:06.to wear her underwear. I don't know if this happens out there, I'm a

:05:07. > :05:15.freak in the bed room, I'm not going to lie, Jacqueline. By freak in the

:05:16. > :05:20.bedroom he means circus dwarf. APPLAUSE I think that's a step too

:05:21. > :05:25.far. Who would want that. I don t get it, it is not for me personally.

:05:26. > :05:29.You see weird stuff on the internet and I've seen this before. Seann,

:05:30. > :05:35.can we assume you've done this and move on? Yes. We rounded up some

:05:36. > :05:39.people on the streets and asked them, you have ever tried on your

:05:40. > :05:53.partner's clothes. We'll see the person swear on this, the Quiff of

:05:54. > :05:58.Grimmy. It was a little bit over the top wasn't it? This series we pushed

:05:59. > :06:04.the boat out. We went around the country and got the public to swear

:06:05. > :06:08.on this, the Quiff of Grimmy. We went to Swansea and Birmingham and

:06:09. > :06:14.got the public to swear they looked like the true. You have to decide if

:06:15. > :06:19.they look like someone who wear their friend's nickers or underwear.

:06:20. > :06:23.My name's Beth and I swear on the give of Grimmy to tell the whole

:06:24. > :06:29.truth. Are you ever tried on your partner's clothes? What do you guys

:06:30. > :06:36.think? I'm going yes at the minute. It's not so bad when girls wear

:06:37. > :06:40.their boyfriend's clothes. It is when I put my girlfriend's bra on my

:06:41. > :06:47.head, two big cones. What when I put my girlfriend's bra on my

:06:48. > :06:53.answer? I'm going to say yes. They are saying yes. Yes. Once or twice.

:06:54. > :07:00.Do you find it sexy? No, not really. I wanted to see what boxers felt

:07:01. > :07:05.like. APPLAUSE She wanted to see what

:07:06. > :07:09.boxer shorts felt like. It is not like a burning desire in your head.

:07:10. > :07:17.For those of you who haven't done it, it is like wearing shorts.

:07:18. > :07:22.Melvyn's team, look at this. Hi I'm Steve and swear on the Quiff of

:07:23. > :07:27.Grimmy to tell the truth. Have you ever tried on your partner's

:07:28. > :07:33.clothes? Jacqueline and market? Absolutely. He's got murderer eyes

:07:34. > :07:40.so I suspect he wears his partner's skin. I think he looks cute. I think

:07:41. > :07:46.he definitely has. What do you think? I think no. I think no. I'm

:07:47. > :07:53.going for no. They are saying no. Yeah.

:07:54. > :07:58.Did you find it sexy? No. Weird He hated that question. You can see

:07:59. > :08:01.he goes from happy to be on telly and furious for being reminded of

:08:02. > :08:09.his most horrific sexual experience ever. Rochelle's team this, one is

:08:10. > :08:14.for you. I swear to tell the whole truth on Nick Grimshaw's quiff. Have

:08:15. > :08:24.you ever tried on your partner's clothes? What do you think? Is he

:08:25. > :08:31.trying to be a rapper? Does he know that Asap Rocker exists? And does he

:08:32. > :08:37.know that Del Boy exists. I think if he does he won't admit it with the

:08:38. > :08:50.camera there. I'm saying no. No I'm not that kinky. I love him.

:08:51. > :08:54.camera there. I'm saying no. No I'm he should li a little and pop a

:08:55. > :09:02.thong on, maybe some heels, paints the town red. The next one for you.

:09:03. > :09:05.Hi, I'm James and I swear on the quiff for you. Hi, I'm James and I

:09:06. > :09:07.swear on the quiff of Jimmy -- Grimmy I will tell the whole truth.

:09:08. > :09:13.Are you ever tried on your partner's clothes? I don't think he's ever had

:09:14. > :09:20.a partner, he's not been tainted by women. I think he is nice and kind.

:09:21. > :09:23.It is always the quiet ones. You should know Jacqueline. What do you

:09:24. > :09:33.guys think? AUDIENCE: No. Thank you! They are

:09:34. > :09:43.saying no. Yes. But find it sexy? Yes. It was, it was nice.

:09:44. > :09:56.LAUGHTER Naughty James. Thank you to the people of Swansea and Birmingham

:09:57. > :10:00.for playing the Quiff of Grimmy Bring it up and put it back down it

:10:01. > :10:06.looks like you know the films where someone escapes jail, they dig a

:10:07. > :10:12.hole and they come out of the wrong hole? And realised they've gone back

:10:13. > :10:15.in. Smith! Not here. Ey dig a hole and they come out of the wrong hole?

:10:16. > :10:17.And realised they've gone back in. Smith! Not here. -- Shit! Not here.

:10:18. > :10:21.Jacqueline, why have you been sweating about walking in the wrong

:10:22. > :10:25.direction, what's wrong with you? When you realise you are walking in

:10:26. > :10:29.the wrong direction, what do you do? Turn around. Not when there's a big

:10:30. > :10:34.crowd and you know people are watching you. That's quite awkward.

:10:35. > :10:39.You think, shall I keep on walking and see where I get to? You go all

:10:40. > :10:44.the way around the country and eventually get there. Seann, does

:10:45. > :10:48.this worry you? Know what you are talking about. It is one

:10:49. > :10:52.this worry you? Know what you are to. If you realise you are walking

:10:53. > :10:58.in the wrong direction you have to go, oh, God, sorry, what am I doing?

:10:59. > :11:04.One thing you can't react to, don't react to this, it makes it worse,

:11:05. > :11:08.you are walking past a car and you check your reflection and you

:11:09. > :11:14.realise, oh, my God, there's someone in there. That is really bad.

:11:15. > :11:43.APPLAUSE Don't react to that. It is time for Grimmy Investigates.

:11:44. > :11:50.I'm Kirsty and I'm from Epping in Essex. Most annoying thing that s

:11:51. > :11:57.been happening this week is everybody calling me by my nickname

:11:58. > :12:01.Wing not, because my ear keeps popping out like this. It is really

:12:02. > :12:07.annoying. I like Kirsty. She doesn't look like a wingnut does she? She

:12:08. > :12:11.does a bit actually. It is uncanny. To show Kirsty from Essex she isn't

:12:12. > :12:16.on her own, I thought it would be good to find out if you guys had to

:12:17. > :12:21.sweat over having a nickname. We are doing this in the form of Nick's

:12:22. > :12:27.Naff Nickname Game, which I hate by the way. Melvyn's team, I have an

:12:28. > :12:31.envelope for Melvyn's team. Here I have some badges with some nicknames

:12:32. > :12:36.on which apply to the people in your rival team. All you have to do is go

:12:37. > :12:41.over and figure out who has had to endure these any more names. For

:12:42. > :12:46.each one you get right you get a point for your team. Fist

:12:47. > :12:56.each one you get right you get a is... Noodle. Next up... Surely

:12:57. > :13:06.Seann. Next, the Girl from Outnumbered. I wonder who that is?

:13:07. > :13:17.Is. And finally, I don't know who this could apply to, Condom Gaynard.

:13:18. > :13:24.Time's were tough Rochelle. I think that's Rochelle. Melvyn and your

:13:25. > :13:31.team, figure out who those names apply to. They have had to endure

:13:32. > :13:40.those nicknames. Explain why you think these. The Girl from

:13:41. > :13:45.Outnumbered? Yes, it's Seann. Jack laoengs you've got this for your

:13:46. > :13:52.team. It looks like the Girl from Outnumbered has a heroin addiction.

:13:53. > :14:07.You are saying Conor Maynard is Condom Gaynard? And finally... Jack

:14:08. > :14:09.laoengs we'll find out if g Conor Maynard is Condom Gaynard? And

:14:10. > :14:11.finally... Jack laoengs we'll find out if you're -- Jacqueline, we ll

:14:12. > :14:18.find out if you are right. Seann, what's your embarrassing nickname

:14:19. > :14:24.and how did you get it? My any more name is the Girl from Outnumbered.

:14:25. > :14:33.People just shout it at me in the streets. Along with Aslan, just

:14:34. > :14:42.inLee Collins, Jesus and locking tramp, mate.

:14:43. > :14:48.APPLAUSE Let's see how accurate that nickname is. I don't even know which

:14:49. > :14:53.one's nickname is. I don't even know which

:14:54. > :14:58.got the Girl from Outnumbered on the show or Seann Walsh. I have never

:14:59. > :15:08.even seen her. That's scary. I didn't realise that was true. She's

:15:09. > :15:14.watching this going, dad? Rochelle, what is your nickname, could you

:15:15. > :15:21.please reveal? When I was at school I had hair like yours, really curly.

:15:22. > :15:27.They used to call me Noodle. Let's see how accurate that nickname is.

:15:28. > :15:37.Here you are with noodle hair. And Conor, please reveal your nickname.

:15:38. > :15:42.Yeah, it was Condom Gaynard. That is hilarious. Apparently my friend were

:15:43. > :15:47.good at rhyming and they weren't my friend, but I've been getting weird

:15:48. > :15:52.things for a long time, because now with fans everyone names their fans

:15:53. > :15:57.and that kind of thing. Once genuinely this happened, a dad of a

:15:58. > :16:05.fan came up to me, I think it was at an album sign. He said, is you know

:16:06. > :16:17.Bieber's fans have Bieber fever your fans should have conditioner

:16:18. > :16:19.roea. Ow Bieber's fans have Bieber fever, your fans should have

:16:20. > :16:25.conditioner roea. -- Conor reeia. Last teem you were on you told us

:16:26. > :16:34.thaw never cook, you have learnt to cook? No, God, no. I'm still

:16:35. > :16:40.terrible. I still get take aways. Is it just me, but sometimes when your

:16:41. > :16:46.pizza's delivered you think, can't you just break in? Do you know what

:16:47. > :16:51.I mean? you just break in? Do you know what

:16:52. > :16:55.got your iPad you just break in? Do you know what

:16:56. > :16:59.Sports News and you think, for God sake, if you can hear me, I will

:17:00. > :17:05.give you an extra two quid if you climb through the window.

:17:06. > :17:11.APPLAUSE OK, time for Rochelle and Melvyn for the challenges. This is

:17:12. > :17:16.where our team captains take a small sweat on to the streets and into the

:17:17. > :17:20.faces of the public. This week's sweat is the annoying things people

:17:21. > :17:25.do online which you would never do in the real world, unless you were

:17:26. > :17:30.made to on a panel show. Anything that people do online that annoys

:17:31. > :17:37.any of you? I hate the statuses that are like, oh my God, I've had the

:17:38. > :17:42.best news ever. I go, OK, what is it, really, what is it? And they

:17:43. > :17:49.don't write another one. I do like it when people are drunk drunk on

:17:50. > :17:56.Facebook. You can tell they are going to be a good one, because you

:17:57. > :18:00.have to click Read More. The first things I picked was annoying tweets

:18:01. > :18:06.about nothing, just getting a coffee. People posting albums of

:18:07. > :18:12.boring stuff like food or their baby or selfies. Sorry. And vague things

:18:13. > :18:16.like oh, why does everything bad happen to me? Or I had such a

:18:17. > :18:24.horrible day but don't ask me about it. Ask if you want help. I sent

:18:25. > :18:30.Rochelle and Melvyn out to find out what would happen if people behaved

:18:31. > :18:37.in the real world like they do online.

:18:38. > :18:42.Come on, then. You know you are going to lose today don't you?

:18:43. > :18:52.Sorry, I thought I could hear someone talking. I really feel like

:18:53. > :18:56.this is my week. I feel pretty confident you know. Are you doing

:18:57. > :19:03.something behind my back? No. You are taking annoying online behaviour

:19:04. > :19:15.offline. Update your status out loud three times when ordering a coffee.

:19:16. > :19:18.Simples. Smash the ffline. Update your status out loud three times

:19:19. > :19:52.when ordering a coffee. Simples Smash the gym today # Gun show.

:19:53. > :20:06.Task two, ask a strange tore look through and like your entire photo

:20:07. > :20:15.album. What album? Can I just squeeze on there? Sorry. Can I share

:20:16. > :20:24.my album with you guys. Can I show you my album? Sure. That's like a

:20:25. > :20:30.half a bigger and and half a pizza. And then he a really nice salad and

:20:31. > :20:39.there's pasties there. I like to eat. This is my cat. She's doing

:20:40. > :20:45.yoga. I sit her down and put her in positions. That's when she hurt her

:20:46. > :20:50.neck. I know, so old, bless her This is my cat on the toilet. I look

:20:51. > :20:51.neck. I know, so old, bless her like I'm doing a helicopter but I'm

:20:52. > :20:59.in the back of a car. And like I'm doing a helicopter but I'm

:21:00. > :21:07.Did you like it? Yeah. And that s it asleep. Do you like it? Yeah, it's

:21:08. > :21:11.good. Task three. Vagueing. Say out loud one of those vague

:21:12. > :21:16.attention-seeking updates... And hope a member of the public cares

:21:17. > :21:22.enough to check if you're OK. This might be hard.

:21:23. > :22:06.CHEERING Well done to Rochelle and Melvyn on

:22:07. > :22:13.the challenge. That was pretty amazing. Conor, I believe you have a

:22:14. > :22:26.brand-new book out? Yes, I do. I've got it right here. Here you go. You

:22:27. > :22:32.are supposed to stay inside the lines, silly. Not outside the lines.

:22:33. > :22:38.That's madness. I have got a real book here. I've been reading it but

:22:39. > :22:43.don't tell me what happens at the end. Let's move on to the next

:22:44. > :22:46.round. It is time for the return of the sweat box, where you help

:22:47. > :22:50.members of this audience. They will tell you lot what they've been

:22:51. > :22:56.sweating about recently and you must do your best to

:22:57. > :22:56.sweating about recently and you must advice. Whichever team they decide

:22:57. > :23:02.gave advice. Whichever team they decide

:23:03. > :23:11.pint. Who is fist? Hi I'm Imogen, my sweat is that I cannot stand the

:23:12. > :23:15.sound of someone eating a banana. That's like the most silent of

:23:16. > :23:24.snacks. It is like stealth fruit. Not when they have their mouth open.

:23:25. > :23:29.How close... And why bananas?? It is the sound that it makes. I hate this

:23:30. > :23:35.word and it should never be mentioned, but the word moist.

:23:36. > :23:41.Before I thought I would go around and put a banana under each of your

:23:42. > :23:45.desks in case you needed some potassium, but now it seems the

:23:46. > :24:09.perfect opportunity to eat them around Imogen. It has to be silent

:24:10. > :24:23.though. Imogen? CHEERING Mmmm. Nom-nom. Sorry, I

:24:24. > :24:29.didn't even get in the shed there. Night was like a journey you think

:24:30. > :24:34.you would never have. I am just a man that walks up to a shed with a

:24:35. > :24:42.banana, had a couple of bites and walked back to the chair. On my own.

:24:43. > :24:56.This is what I did. LAUGHTER

:24:57. > :25:06.Out of everyone I know, someone said, guess who walked up eaten a

:25:07. > :25:11.banana and left, I would say, Seann Walsh. Any advice from Melvyn's

:25:12. > :25:16.team? I don't know what you are talking about. Oh, banana eating.

:25:17. > :25:24.Why don't you get one of those things that people sleep, with a

:25:25. > :25:29.banana mask. Get out a pineapple. If someone's eating a pineapple, just

:25:30. > :25:36.go, wa'gwaan? Why did you have to eat a pineapple

:25:37. > :25:41.with a West Indian accent? Whose advice are you going to take?

:25:42. > :25:47.Pineapple. CHEERING Who is next in the sweat

:25:48. > :25:51.box? Hi, my name is Hussein. My sweat is that I've introduced quite

:25:52. > :25:57.a few of my friend to each other that didn't know each other and now

:25:58. > :26:02.they are going on holiday and they didn't invite me. You introduced

:26:03. > :26:09.your friend? They sound great. Where's the holiday? Apparently it

:26:10. > :26:16.is Thailand. You don't even know where they are going? They haven't

:26:17. > :26:21.gone yet? No, they are going. I want an invite. Any advice here? What can

:26:22. > :26:29.he do about this problem? I could be your friend.

:26:30. > :26:33.AUDIENCE: Ah. Your new friends Jacqueline and Matt Richardson. This

:26:34. > :26:40.is how you should decide it. Who would you rather go on holiday to

:26:41. > :26:48.Thailand with, Melvyn or Rochelle's team? I would bring Caroline Flack.

:26:49. > :27:09.All of the Saturdays. That would be a lot of fun. One Nicoleshire zinger

:27:10. > :27:14.equals four Saturdays -- Nicole Scherzinger equals four Saturdays.

:27:15. > :27:18.Before you decide, wait one second, if you go with our team we'll tell

:27:19. > :27:27.you what's going to happen on the next episode of EastEnders. Yes

:27:28. > :27:32.that's good. Christmas. I can tell you what happens at Christmas. I

:27:33. > :27:36.want to go with you lot. A point for Melvyn's team. That was the final

:27:37. > :27:42.round and that's the end of the show. Tonight's winners and big best

:27:43. > :27:48.stressors are... Rochelle's team. CHEERING

:27:49. > :27:53.A big thank you to Rochelle, Conor, Seann, Melvyn, Matt and Jacqueline.

:27:54. > :27:56.This has been Sweat the Small Stuff. I've been Nick Grimshaw, you've been

:27:57. > :28:02.beautiful. Goodnight.