:00:10. > :00:19.This programme contains some strong language.
:00:20. > :00:31.APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Hello! Welcome to Sweat The Small
:00:32. > :00:36.Stuff. Sweating the small stuff tonight are Melvin Odoom, and we
:00:37. > :00:44.have the brilliant come Eid yen Ian Smith -- comedian Ian Smith and the
:00:45. > :00:50.Coronation Street star, Georgia May Foote. On Rochelle's team Romesh
:00:51. > :00:58.Ranganathan, and the man sweating it, he is not even a Professor, it's
:00:59. > :01:07.Professor Green everybody. Let's get on with the show!
:01:08. > :01:11.Hello everyone. This is the panel show all about those little
:01:12. > :01:15.annoyances in life because life's little annoyances really are worth
:01:16. > :01:19.worrying about. This week I have been sweating about that bloke from
:01:20. > :01:25.Oldham who I am obsessed with. He got so drunk on a night out that he
:01:26. > :01:37.actually woke up in Paris. Not Paris Hilton. The city. Paris in France.
:01:38. > :01:40.There he is. It's incredible when you think about
:01:41. > :01:47.it, he must have been like blackout drunk going through customs, passed
:01:48. > :01:51.out on the flight, he called it a crazy journey. Sarah Harding just
:01:52. > :01:56.calls it travelling. Also this week I have been sweating about the fate
:01:57. > :02:00.of former X Factor winners. Poor Steve Brookstein and Leon Jackson
:02:01. > :02:06.have been left off the X Factor greatest hits album. Aw! Apparently
:02:07. > :02:09.Steve was so upset greatest hits album. Aw! Apparently
:02:10. > :02:18.news he dropped the burger that he was flipping.
:02:19. > :02:23.Let's find out who our Tapes are. Mel -- Captains are. Melvin, lovely
:02:24. > :02:27.to see you fully clothed. Melvin before the show likes to be all
:02:28. > :02:32.naked back stage just to calm down and get in the mood. He has a sock
:02:33. > :02:35.covering his private parts and walks around back stage. I have the sock
:02:36. > :02:43.here. It's disgusting that.
:02:44. > :02:50.APPLAUSE There you go.
:02:51. > :02:52.Professor Green is here. Welcome to Sweat The Small Stuff.
:02:53. > :02:56.APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Hi, Professor Green. How are you?
:02:57. > :03:02.Very well, how are you? Very good. You got married this year. I did,
:03:03. > :03:08.yeah. That was exciting. You married Millie Mackintosh. Now you are rich
:03:09. > :03:12.beyond your wildest dreams! We had Example on here last week who also
:03:13. > :03:17.got married. We established his wife married him for money. Right. Millie
:03:18. > :03:20.didn't need to marry you for loads of money because she's got loads of
:03:21. > :03:27.money. Why do you think she married you? I reckon it was my marvellous
:03:28. > :03:34.personality. Yeah, I think so. Did you tell her you were a real
:03:35. > :03:38.Professor? Right. We are also joined tonight on the show by a lady called
:03:39. > :03:42.Georgia May Foote everybody. Shall we make some noise.
:03:43. > :03:47.APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Hello. I don't want to be too
:03:48. > :03:51.laddie, because sometimes I get really laddie. You are so laddie. I
:03:52. > :04:02.want to say one thing to you, you are well fit. You were nominated for
:04:03. > :04:04.the Sex jest -- Sexiest Female at the Soap Awards but you didn't win.
:04:05. > :04:11.But to be fair the Soap Awards but you didn't win.
:04:12. > :04:18.of the winner here. I mean... Seriously, she's smoking.
:04:19. > :04:22.Literally, 160 a day now. Is there anything that makes you
:04:23. > :04:25.sweat about life in Coronation Street? A little bit, yeah. Like,
:04:26. > :04:29.because people obviously think they know you because they see you on
:04:30. > :04:34.telly a lot and will come up, how are you, all right? Your hair looks
:04:35. > :04:39.nice. And just like, personal space. Don't say that to Melvin, that's the
:04:40. > :04:44.cruellest thing ever! Can we making some noise as well for a man called
:04:45. > :04:51.Ian Smith everybody. Welcome to the show, Ian Smith.
:04:52. > :04:55.Thank you. Is that one of them fancy showbiz names? If you Google my name
:04:56. > :05:01.that I do a lot, the most famous Ian Smith is a former African war Lord.
:05:02. > :05:12.Ian Smith. That's who I thought we had booked! Sorry, African war Lord
:05:13. > :05:14.fans. Romesh, hello. How are you? APPLAUSE
:05:15. > :05:19.Before becoming a comedian you used to be a maths teener. Yeah. --
:05:20. > :05:25.teacher. What was the most successful career, maths teacher or
:05:26. > :05:29.comedian. Both stressful With the kids it is - you do want to give
:05:30. > :05:33.them a back hand. One situation this parent came in, their son was really
:05:34. > :05:37.badly behaved. I said, well, you know, your son's out of control. He
:05:38. > :05:40.said, can't you just hit him? I said, well, we are not allowed to
:05:41. > :05:45.hit him. Then he said, what if I give you a letter that says you are
:05:46. > :05:51.allowed to hit him? I thought we could give you some cutting witty
:05:52. > :05:55.classroom heckles right now and then if you can respond to them in a
:05:56. > :06:00.brilliant way, I will give you a point for your team. All right,
:06:01. > :06:08.pressure. You have to focus. Teacher, you're shit.
:06:09. > :06:08.pressure. You have to focus. isn't in bed. That's
:06:09. > :06:19.say to a child. A point for your team. Sir, you are a poo-poo head.
:06:20. > :06:27.According to my file you're adopted. Nice, nice. Let's get op on with the
:06:28. > :06:32.show. This week it's about something that Rochelle has been sweating
:06:33. > :06:37.about recently. What is that thing? I was speaking to my friend and she
:06:38. > :06:42.said that her fella fell asleep during sex.
:06:43. > :06:46.AUDIENCE: Oh! Exactly. I would like to know if she is the only person
:06:47. > :06:52.this has happened to because I have never experienced it myself. I just
:06:53. > :06:55.want to know if this is a legit thing what happens Well, it's very
:06:56. > :07:00.tiring, Rochelle. When you are making sweet love... Can you stop
:07:01. > :07:11.calling it sweet love! What about you, Ian? Have you had sex?
:07:12. > :07:17.APPLAUSE Yeah, I have had sex a few times
:07:18. > :07:22.now. Two times. I thought we would find out how common it actually was.
:07:23. > :07:25.We put it to the test. We rounded up people on the streets while they
:07:26. > :07:29.were going about their business and asked them the casual question, hey,
:07:30. > :07:34.random lady, ever fallen asleep during sex? And as always the way
:07:35. > :07:40.this is going to work is we will see the person swear on this!
:07:41. > :07:47.There it is. Oh, yeah. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
:07:48. > :07:52.There it is, the quiff is playing the role of Widow Twanky in panto
:07:53. > :07:59.this year. AUDIENCE: Oh, no he isn't. Oh, yes,
:08:00. > :08:01.he is, I have told you he is! Melvin's team, you get to go first.
:08:02. > :08:06.Hi, my name is James, Melvin's team, you get to go first.
:08:07. > :08:08.quiff of Grimmy that I will tell the whole truth. Have you
:08:09. > :08:11.quiff of Grimmy that I will tell the asleep during sex? I love James,
:08:12. > :08:16.what do we think he has fallen asleep during sex? He looks like a
:08:17. > :08:22.nice dude. If he does have sex, he savours that moment and stays awake.
:08:23. > :08:27.All night long. Exactly. I agree with that. They're saying no. James
:08:28. > :08:34.does not fall asleep. Um, no, I haven't. But it's been tempting.
:08:35. > :08:39.Right, next is Rochelle's team. Hi, I am Sam. I am Joe. We swear to tell
:08:40. > :08:45.the whole truth. Have you ever fallen asleep during sex? Now, I
:08:46. > :08:49.think they're a couple, so both of them. This is about to get awkward
:08:50. > :08:55.again. She was quite excitable, she was like, quite... Yeah, she was and
:08:56. > :08:59.he looked like he was about to fall asleep there. He will say yes, she
:09:00. > :09:10.will say no. Let's find out if that's correct. Yes. No. A few
:09:11. > :09:16.nights ago. It was a different woman, don't worry. Thank you the
:09:17. > :09:28.people of Great Britain for playing on The Quiff of Grimmy. Bye quiff.
:09:29. > :09:31.It's time now for Rochelle and Melvin The Challenges. This is where
:09:32. > :09:36.each week I challenge our Captains to take a small sweat out to the
:09:37. > :09:39.streets and into public spaces. This week it's all about those people who
:09:40. > :09:43.brag all of the time. Melvin, do you think you managed to get away with
:09:44. > :09:48.this one? I thought it was really easy. They were like, Melvin, you
:09:49. > :10:00.smashed it. You are a legend. OK. Let's find out who won in Rochelle
:10:01. > :10:06.and Melvin The Challenges. My message for Melvin is, don't call
:10:07. > :10:13.my old phone number, call my new number, it's 0121, do one. If I had
:10:14. > :10:19.one piece of advice for Rochelle it would be failure is coming to your
:10:20. > :10:25.doorstep and that failure is me. I didn't mean it like that. Task
:10:26. > :10:32.number one. Get chatting to someone. Find out their exam results and brag
:10:33. > :10:35.that you did better. I am DJing downstairs. Do you work here? I do.
:10:36. > :10:41.You look like intelligent ladies. What do you do? I work for a tour
:10:42. > :10:47.operator. What do you work in? Did you have to take GCSEs for that?
:10:48. > :10:52.Really, what did you get? No way. I got a phone call today, I got
:10:53. > :11:01.literally five A*s and five As. The school called me today. It's so
:11:02. > :11:08.random. What qualifications do you have? Although I am a DJ I have a
:11:09. > :11:13.Masters in IT. When I graduated they called me to congratulate me. I was
:11:14. > :11:22.nearly in the social network as an extra to say thank you for your
:11:23. > :11:27.work. Task number two. Ask a member of the public about three items of
:11:28. > :11:33.their clothing. And brag that yours are better. Where did you get that
:11:34. > :11:41.top from? I have five of the same thing at home. Where is this shirt
:11:42. > :11:49.from? Top Shop. I used to have one from Prada. You slipped that in
:11:50. > :11:53.there, Prads! Your shoes, where did you get them from? I have a similar
:11:54. > :12:00.pair but they're a collaboration with a Japanese designer and Marks
:12:01. > :12:04.Spencer. How about that one? I really like that. I used to have one
:12:05. > :12:13.but my walk-in wardrobe is in such a mess. Your jeans, wicked cut man.
:12:14. > :12:17.but my walk-in wardrobe is in such a the thread is gold. I can't even dry
:12:18. > :12:22.clean them, they have to sit in the cupboard. Are they Louboutin? I am
:12:23. > :12:26.good friends with him, he sent me some a little bit like that about a
:12:27. > :12:36.month ago. I just love fashion. Thank you. You look great. Thanks,
:12:37. > :12:43.sorry. Task number three. Name dropping.
:12:44. > :12:52.Drop as many famous names into your conversation as you can. Easy. Were
:12:53. > :13:01.you at the pub last night? I had a mad night out a few weeks ago, Jay Z
:13:02. > :13:09.was here. It was so sick. He rings Gwyneth who brings Chris Martin.
:13:10. > :13:16.Tinie Tempah is next to me, Rita Ora, Adele. Beyonce, I swear, in
:13:17. > :13:21.here. She says she's going to bring Gwen Stefani next time. I was like
:13:22. > :13:32.afterparty, let's go to my house. Open my door, Nicole Sherzinger is
:13:33. > :13:40.there. Tulis. They had to drag all these stools over because... Guess
:13:41. > :13:44.who's in town right now, Miley Cyrus. How are you doing? I am
:13:45. > :13:50.twerking on a Labrador. My friends are coming, they're not anyone
:13:51. > :14:00.exciting like that, unless you like Shakira. She's cool. You like
:14:01. > :14:02.Shakira? APPLAUSE
:14:03. > :14:07.You are the winner, you get a point are to your team, Rochelle.
:14:08. > :14:18.You are the winner, you get a point I like that, you get one point.
:14:19. > :14:23.You are the winner, you get a point these names and I am like, then Cee
:14:24. > :14:28.Lo Green wanted a stool. What have you been sweating about, Romesh? I
:14:29. > :14:33.have been sweating about strangers talking to me in the street. The way
:14:34. > :14:37.strangers talk to you, they say something ridiculously obvious and
:14:38. > :14:41.put isn't it after it. This happened to me, I am in a post office, in the
:14:42. > :14:47.queue at the post office, there is an elderly lady in front with a cat.
:14:48. > :14:54.First of all, that's unacceptable. Sort out people bringing cats out in
:14:55. > :14:58.public! It's an absolute joke. Anyway, she turns round to me, it's
:14:59. > :15:01.taking a long time, isn't it? Obviously what she wants me to do is
:15:02. > :15:06.go yeah, it is taking a long time. She doesn't want me to have a
:15:07. > :15:10.conversation, well, no I don't think it is taking a long time. I don't
:15:11. > :15:14.understand why your perception of time is different to mine, you have
:15:15. > :15:19.so little left. That's not what she wants to hear. She then says to me,
:15:20. > :15:23.this girl behind the counter is not very good, is she. I went no,
:15:24. > :15:27.because I want the woman and cat out of my life. Gets to the front of the
:15:28. > :15:31.queue, does her transaction, I don't know, sending the cat to Melbourne,
:15:32. > :15:35.whatever she is up so. And then says, he and I don't think you
:15:36. > :15:40.should be working it. That's why you don't talk to people.
:15:41. > :15:45.APPLAUSE OK it's time for Grimmy
:15:46. > :15:50.Investigates, that's me. Every week I asked listeners of Radio 1 and
:15:51. > :15:54.followers of Twitter account what their biggest sweats are concerning
:15:55. > :15:58.a topic. I will pick one of those sweats and attempt to investigate it
:15:59. > :16:02.for them. Once again, Melvin, this deserves a detective series opening
:16:03. > :16:07.title sequence. Last week I dressed up as Columbo. This week I thought I
:16:08. > :16:42.would Actual opening sequence of
:16:43. > :16:46.MissMarple that. This week's chosen sweat topic was
:16:47. > :16:51.all about people you fancy but don't know why. I asked everyone who their
:16:52. > :16:55.weird celebrity crushes were ap why. -- and why. We have so many texts
:16:56. > :17:00.and tweets from people. Kerry from Hull, her weird celebrity crush is
:17:01. > :17:08.Eamonn Holmes. Next even weirder, was Laura from
:17:09. > :17:12.Dumfries. Her weird celebrity crush, Melvin Odoom.
:17:13. > :17:16.Sorry, Melvin. I thought it would be good to investigate into whether or
:17:17. > :17:21.not celebrities do have weird celebrity crushes, as well. We are
:17:22. > :17:26.going to play a game now called Oh, Fancy That! Before the show I asked
:17:27. > :17:31.each panellist who their weirdest celebrity crush is and I will show
:17:32. > :17:37.the opposite team a trio of celebrities, they must guess which
:17:38. > :17:42.panellist has a weird crush on. Melvin's team, who out of George
:17:43. > :17:47.Alagiah, Trevor McDonald and Lizo Mzimba does Rochelle have a weird
:17:48. > :17:51.celebrity crush on? Oh my days. Who do you think roch has the hots for
:17:52. > :17:56.out of those people -- Rochelle? It's got to be Lizo. I grew up...
:17:57. > :18:01.Not in the same house. I think it's Trevor McDonald. I do. Rochelle
:18:02. > :18:05.likes a man that's going to take control. He knows what time it is,
:18:06. > :18:09.10.00pm news. He is control. He knows what time it is,
:18:10. > :18:13.down the door and put you to sleep. It's going to be Trev. Rochelle,
:18:14. > :18:19.please reveal your weird celebrity crush. Yeah, it's Trev. It is
:18:20. > :18:22.Trevor! You get a point for your team.
:18:23. > :18:28.Rochelle, what is it about Trevor that you like? He is old school, a
:18:29. > :18:35.bit of a gent. He is brave, goes to prisons and chats to jail-mates.
:18:36. > :18:41.Would you leave Marvin? No That's a yes. Rochelle, I have a very, very
:18:42. > :18:54.sexy treat for you. Take a look at this.
:18:55. > :19:07.Oh-oh! What an action man in his chopper. Nice hose, Trevor.
:19:08. > :19:12.My favourite. Oh, yeah, baby! APPLAUSE
:19:13. > :19:20.Hot shit. Rochelle's team, who out of Minnie Mouse, Lady off Lady and
:19:21. > :19:25.The Tramp and The Hare from the John Lewis Christmas advert does Melvin
:19:26. > :19:29.have a weird celebrity crush on? I reckon lady. Do you think she's fit?
:19:30. > :19:38.Yeah. Who would you most like to have a go on? Or Minnie Mouse.
:19:39. > :19:43.Massive hands. It's not good. Shall we go Lady. They're saying that you
:19:44. > :19:47.fancy Lady off Lady and The Tramp. Better than the tramp, I guess.
:19:48. > :19:55.Please reveal your weird celebrity crush. I fancy the Hare from the
:19:56. > :20:00.John Lewis advert. What! Why, what is it that you like? She's a
:20:01. > :20:03.absolute cock tease. Flirting with all the animals and, you know that
:20:04. > :20:14.she loves to ride all the animals and, you know that
:20:15. > :20:17.so hello. APPLAUSE
:20:18. > :20:23.Oh, no! You have ruined Christmas, Melvin.
:20:24. > :20:40.Melvin's team, who out of Jesse Wallace, Jesse from Toy Story and
:20:41. > :20:47.Jesse J when she was bald does Romesh have a crush on? Jesse the
:20:48. > :20:52.Cowgirl from Toy Story. Well done a point for your team. What is it
:20:53. > :20:56.about her that you fancy? First of all, aesthetically she's very
:20:57. > :21:01.attractive, it's not just that. She's had a tough upbringing, I
:21:02. > :21:05.don't know if you know the story. When her first owner left her
:21:06. > :21:10.behind, she's got that dark past. She doesn't let that define who she
:21:11. > :21:14.is as a person and she's moved beyond that. And also the thing I
:21:15. > :21:21.like about her, she obviously has morals because she liked Buzz from
:21:22. > :21:26.Toy Story two, you could see that. But only at the very end of Toy
:21:27. > :21:32.Story 3 do they even hold hands. So you know, yes, she likes Buzz but
:21:33. > :21:38.she's not going to put it out just like that. Whereas MrsPotato Head is
:21:39. > :21:46.a slut. Thank you all for playing Grimmy Investigates, thank you guys.
:21:47. > :21:49.It's time for the Sweat Box where you get to help members of this very
:21:50. > :21:52.audience. They will tell you what they've been sweating about recently
:21:53. > :21:55.and you must do your best to help them with advice. Which ever team
:21:56. > :22:00.they decide has given them the most help will get the points, as easy as
:22:01. > :22:02.that. Who is first in the Sweat Box tonight? Hi, I am Ed. My sweat is
:22:03. > :22:12.that I am 18 years old but tonight? Hi, I am Ed. My sweat is
:22:13. > :22:19.like, where's your mum? Time to go to bed, lights out. Where is your
:22:20. > :22:25.mum, though? She's in the here, I am sorry. -- not sheer. I am sorry.
:22:26. > :22:30.It's late, let's be quick with this one. Do you have any advice? Maybe
:22:31. > :22:41.get a really hot older partner. Girls or guys? Guys. OK, go out with
:22:42. > :22:48.a hot older guy. But he would look like my dad.
:22:49. > :22:57.AUDIENCE: Oh! APPLAUSE
:22:58. > :23:03.Get to bloody bed, Ed! No Toys R Us tomorrow, you little shit! In years
:23:04. > :23:09.this will be a quality. In a club nowadays people think I have gone to
:23:10. > :23:14.pick up my niece. I look like a taxi driver waiting outside. Business,
:23:15. > :23:20.please? It's awful. You need to enjoy that man, it's great. Embrace
:23:21. > :23:25.it. Ian Smith, do you have any advice? He has to get himself one of
:23:26. > :23:30.these. I have a marker pen, have a go on this. Shall we do him a beard?
:23:31. > :23:34.You are not going to draw on his face? This is permanent so you have
:23:35. > :23:40.to really like this one. We will go with a sort of Romesh line across
:23:41. > :23:50.the top. That's nice. What about crow's feet, as well? Yeah, I feel
:23:51. > :23:56.like the shittest face painter in the world. Only do beards. I know
:23:57. > :24:02.you want to be a lion but you are having a beard. You look like Ian's
:24:03. > :24:05.stunt double. Do you wear glasses? Glasses is nice. Both of you look
:24:06. > :24:10.down the camera here, look. Next to each other. Down this one.
:24:11. > :24:15.APPLAUSE You look exactly the same. Ian, come
:24:16. > :24:19.and sit back down. Whose advice are you going to go for? They're saying
:24:20. > :24:23.embrace it, just enjoy looking young. Or go around with pen all
:24:24. > :24:30.over your face like a nutter? I am going to have to go with Rochelle's
:24:31. > :24:39.team. It's a work of art that! Who is next in the Sweat Box? Hi, I am
:24:40. > :24:44.Hugo, I am 2 is and -- 21 and from Brazil. There is this girl obsessed
:24:45. > :24:48.with me, to get her off my back I lied to her that I was gay. Now
:24:49. > :24:57.she's trying to hook me up with her gay friends. The lie's gone too far
:24:58. > :25:01.for me and I don't know how to solve this problem. This is an amazing
:25:02. > :25:07.sweat. This is good. Really good. I think you need to do is make
:25:08. > :25:11.yourself up as a real man's man on television, then she will see you,
:25:12. > :25:15.realise you are not gay and stop trying to set you up with her gay
:25:16. > :25:19.friends. Why don't you come out to the front here, don't come out! Walk
:25:20. > :25:27.out to the front, Hugo. I will do you a makeover to make you look even
:25:28. > :25:30.more manlier. Come on then, Hugo. APPLAUSE.
:25:31. > :25:35.We will start off with the manliest of all items, the leather jacket.
:25:36. > :25:41.Try that on. Think the Fonz, Elvis or even Tom Cruise in Top Gun. Turn
:25:42. > :25:48.around. It says real man's man. You know it's literally... Turn around.
:25:49. > :25:59.Next. What's is manlier I thought than a cowboy? Nothing gay about a
:26:00. > :26:03.cowboy. That's a real man. You look so manly! Hang on.
:26:04. > :26:05.APPLAUSE There's something missing. You need
:26:06. > :26:07.something else to look even manlier. There's something missing. You need
:26:08. > :26:11.Maybe like a dog. Real men have There's something missing. You need
:26:12. > :26:31.get you a dog. You look so straight. I don't even
:26:32. > :26:35.think you need advice from the teams. Just go and live your life
:26:36. > :26:40.like that. Look down camera one and say, obviously I am not gay, stop
:26:41. > :26:44.trying to set me up with your gay friends. Melanie, I am obviously not
:26:45. > :26:50.gay, stop trying to set me up with your gay friends, please. He is well
:26:51. > :26:55.straight. Ladies and gentlemen, Hugo!
:26:56. > :27:00.APPLAUSE AND CHEERING That's the end of the show. I can
:27:01. > :27:05.reveal that the winners... Wait, wait, I like it when you make it
:27:06. > :27:11.tense on the show. Really, do you want me to make it tense then?
:27:12. > :27:15.Please. Well... Let's... Get tense in this! You are right, it's good
:27:16. > :27:20.when it's tense. OK. It's the best way to end the show. Oh, my God,
:27:21. > :27:28.this is so tense I can barely take it. OK. I actually can't do this.
:27:29. > :27:32.Can we get the Quiff of Grimmy to deliver the winning envelope to me.
:27:33. > :27:36.Oh, my God, you are right, this is locking tense! Ladies and gentlemen,
:27:37. > :27:42.I can reveal that the winners of tonight's show are... While this is
:27:43. > :27:46.really a shocker... It's Rochelle's team!
:27:47. > :27:53.APPLAUSE AND CHEERING What are the chances? Rochelle's
:27:54. > :27:59.team. Wow. Unbelievable. A big thank you to Rochelle, Romesh, Professor
:28:00. > :28:04.Green, Melvin, Ian and Georgia May Foote. This has been Sweat The Small
:28:05. > :28:09.Stuff. I have been Nick Grimmy. You have
:28:10. > :28:18.Stuff. I have been Nick Grimmy. You been beautiful. Bye.