0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains very strong language
0:00:26 > 0:00:27Hello, everyone!
0:00:27 > 0:00:31I'm Nick Grimshaw, welcome to Sweat The Small Stuff!
0:00:31 > 0:00:34- CHEERING - Yeah!
0:00:34 > 0:00:36This is Sweat The Small Stuff,
0:00:36 > 0:00:38the panel show all about those little annoyances in life.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42Because life's little annoyances really are worth sweating over.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45This week, I've been sweating about Gareth Malone
0:00:45 > 0:00:48being on the show, because...
0:00:48 > 0:00:49APPLAUSE
0:00:49 > 0:00:53I know what Malone is going to do - he's going to try and make me sing.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55And even though I don't want to,
0:00:55 > 0:00:58once you look in Malone's eyes, you can't not sing.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00You WILL sing.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03# I can't live
0:01:03 > 0:01:06# If living is without you... #
0:01:06 > 0:01:07More.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09# I can't give
0:01:09 > 0:01:12# I can't give any more! #
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Go for it!
0:01:14 > 0:01:17- # I can't live...! # - I think that's fine, thank you.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19He's so persuasive.
0:01:19 > 0:01:20He's like human Rohypnol.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Right, before we get cracking, let's meet the teams.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27First up, we have the beautiful Rochelle Humes.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29APPLAUSE
0:01:29 > 0:01:31So beautiful!
0:01:31 > 0:01:32Who's on your team, Rochelle?
0:01:32 > 0:01:37On my team, we have the lovely comedian Tom Rosenthal!
0:01:37 > 0:01:39- Yeah! - APPLAUSE
0:01:39 > 0:01:41And EastEnders' Khali Best!
0:01:41 > 0:01:44APPLAUSE
0:01:44 > 0:01:48- And, next, we turn to Melvin Odoom's team.- Hello.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Hello, Melvin Odoom. Who's on your team this evening?
0:01:51 > 0:01:55On my team, I have the very funny Roisin Conaty!
0:01:55 > 0:01:57APPLAUSE
0:01:57 > 0:02:00- And...? - And singing star Gareth Malone!
0:02:00 > 0:02:02APPLAUSE
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Let's get to know your team-mates this week -
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Khali Best, welcome to Sweat The Small Stuff.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11- You recently won the NTA for best newcomer.- Yeah!- That's right.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12That's pretty amazing.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15- That is the National...? - National Television Award.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18National Television Award! Congratulations, Khali.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20APPLAUSE
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Where is the award, Khali? Where do you keep the award?
0:02:22 > 0:02:25So, what I did is, I took it home to Mum, and Mum lost her mind,
0:02:25 > 0:02:28she was like, "Khali, I can't believe what you just did!"
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Polishes it up, stuck it on her little mantle,
0:02:31 > 0:02:34- and she's just got it now. - Your mum's nicked it, essentially.
0:02:34 > 0:02:35Effectively, yeah.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Shout out to Mum, the best newcomer at the NTA.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40- APPLAUSE - Congratulations.
0:02:40 > 0:02:45You are nominated for the Soap Awards' sexiest male, everybody.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48ALL: Woo!
0:02:48 > 0:02:52The sexiest male. You are up against Danny Dyer.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56Objectively speaking, what have you got that he doesn't?
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Chocolate brown skin, you know what I'm saying?
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Other than that, me and Danny Dyer are exactly the same.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06What about your losing face?
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Cos obviously if you go to award ceremonies,
0:03:08 > 0:03:11if you're up for something, you do have to practise your losing face.
0:03:11 > 0:03:12- I'm just not going to look at anyone.- No?
0:03:12 > 0:03:14"And the winner is...Danny Dyer!"
0:03:16 > 0:03:17Yeah. What we thought we could do,
0:03:17 > 0:03:20cos there's quite a lot of sexy men in here tonight, right, Rochelle?
0:03:20 > 0:03:23- Oh, yeah!- Right, Roisin? There's a lot of sexy men.- Yeah!
0:03:23 > 0:03:26I mean, Roisin can barely control herself tonight.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28I want to see those hands on the desk.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32Well, I want to see who's got the best losing face tonight.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35We polled the audience tonight before you all came and sat here,
0:03:35 > 0:03:39to find out who the sexiest male is on the show tonight.
0:03:39 > 0:03:44And I have the results right here in a gold envelope.
0:03:44 > 0:03:50I can announce that the winner of 2014's sexiest male award
0:03:50 > 0:03:52goes to...
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Oh, my God. Nick Grimshaw!
0:03:54 > 0:03:58- Oh, my God! - APPLAUSE
0:04:00 > 0:04:03I actually... Oh, my God.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06So many people to thank, the Lord Jesus Christ.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Um, of course, my parents, the surgeon who helped,
0:04:09 > 0:04:11it really means the world to me.
0:04:11 > 0:04:12Thank you so much.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15So embarrassing, cos I wasn't even nominated.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Right, Gareth Malone, let me officially welcome you to the show.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Thank you, Mr Grimshaw.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Of course, Gareth, you are best known for The Choir,
0:04:24 > 0:04:26that documentary, a wonderful documentary,
0:04:26 > 0:04:28which was such a huge success.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Do you now, when you watch things like The Big Reunion,
0:04:31 > 0:04:34do you just sort of like vomit into a handkerchief?
0:04:34 > 0:04:36- It's not QUITE what I do.- No.
0:04:36 > 0:04:37What DO you do?
0:04:37 > 0:04:41Good question. I like to get people who've never sung before singing.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44- Yes.- And probably that's the same on The Big Reunion, right?
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Do you think you can make ANYONE sing well?
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Well, Auto-Tune is amazing these days.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51What about...?
0:04:52 > 0:04:55I'm sure she doesn't need any help.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57- CLEARS THROAT:- She does.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58Piss off.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Roisin Conaty is here, everybody!
0:05:05 > 0:05:07- Hi, Roisin.- Hello.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10You know, I like you cos you immediately smile when I see you.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12- Aww.- Yeah, it makes me so happy.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15Why have you been sweating about holidays,
0:05:15 > 0:05:17cos holidays are the best, no?
0:05:17 > 0:05:19They're not. They're a load of old shit.
0:05:19 > 0:05:20What?!
0:05:20 > 0:05:23- Why are they a load of old shit? - So overrated.
0:05:23 > 0:05:24I always get excited for them.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Like, "I'm going to go on holiday, I'm going to be happy."
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Then I go on holiday and I get there and it's just me.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31I forget that I'm there.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Same shitty brain, same shitty thoughts,
0:05:34 > 0:05:36except now I've got a head full of cornrow
0:05:36 > 0:05:38and I've got a Solero.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42It's rubbish.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47I go somewhere quiet and relaxing with no internet signals.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50So, basically, it's like internet rehab and then you go nuts.
0:05:50 > 0:05:51Four days in, you're like,
0:05:51 > 0:05:54"This is my stone, get your own stone."
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Tom Rosenthal is here, everybody.
0:06:02 > 0:06:03Hi.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07You are about to start filming a second series of Plebs?
0:06:07 > 0:06:09- Yeah, tomorrow.- Tomorrow? - Yeah.- Oh, wow, OK.
0:06:09 > 0:06:10Well, we better get on with it.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14For anyone who hasn't seen it, it's a sitcom set in Ancient Rome.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- Like Khali, you starred alongside Danny Dyer.- Yes.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21There it is. There's a picture. That is Danny Dyer's bottom.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Does that look like it's going in his bum?
0:06:24 > 0:06:26So, what are you seeing in that picture?
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Are you actually seeing the real deal, or has he put a sock on it?
0:06:29 > 0:06:30No, yeah, you can see it all.
0:06:30 > 0:06:35Was it like Dickus Massivus, or Dickus Tinius?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37There's a lot of Danny to his Dyer.
0:06:37 > 0:06:38Wow. Dickus Massivus.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40I don't want to be crass, but in a competition
0:06:40 > 0:06:42between mine and his genitalia,
0:06:42 > 0:06:44I finished third.
0:06:45 > 0:06:46Let's get on with the show.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49It's time for the round where we meet members of the public
0:06:49 > 0:06:50and test out a sweat on them.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53This week, we hit the streets with a particular sweat
0:06:53 > 0:06:55that's been getting on Rochelle's nerves.
0:06:55 > 0:06:56What is that sweat, Rochelle Humes?
0:06:56 > 0:06:59So my sweat is, you know when people think
0:06:59 > 0:07:02they look like someone famous and you have to guess who it is?
0:07:02 > 0:07:05I always get, "Guess who I always get told I look like?"
0:07:05 > 0:07:06"Um..."
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Gareth, I've heard you think you look like a celebrity.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12There's a couple, but one in particular. Should I say?
0:07:12 > 0:07:15This makes me feel under pressure, cos I'm like,
0:07:15 > 0:07:16"Shit, who can I mention
0:07:16 > 0:07:20- "that's a really good-looking version of Gareth?" - LAUGHTER AND GROANING
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Who do you think you look like?
0:07:23 > 0:07:26I used to get people saying I look like Rick Astley quite a lot.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Rick Astley! Let's have a look.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Oh, a little bit!
0:07:30 > 0:07:33This is BBC Three - no-one knows who Rick Astley is!
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Everyone's skateboarding in future merch.
0:07:37 > 0:07:38I think you look more like, um,
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- Sue Perkins. - I get that all the time.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43LAUGHTER
0:07:43 > 0:07:45That's what I'm talking about.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49Yeah, Melvin, you think your doppelganger is
0:07:49 > 0:07:52'90s children's television presenter
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Dave Benson Phillips.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Here we go.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:08:00 > 0:08:04Someone said to me, you look a little bit like
0:08:04 > 0:08:06a black Tom P from TOWIE.
0:08:06 > 0:08:10I was like, "What are you talking about?!" But you look the same!
0:08:10 > 0:08:11Oh, my God.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19- That is scary.- I'd like to broadcast that image for a full 30 minutes.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23We rounded up some people on the streets and asked them
0:08:23 > 0:08:26which celebrity do you think you look like?
0:08:26 > 0:08:30All you have to do is decide who they genuinely think they look like.
0:08:30 > 0:08:34Now, I let Melvin name this round every week, OK?
0:08:34 > 0:08:38So what have you got for me this week?
0:08:42 > 0:08:44..game.
0:08:48 > 0:08:49It's not great, is it? Every week.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Melvin's team, you go first. Take a look at the first one, please.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58Hi, I'm Matthew, I'm 18, and my celebrity lookalike is...
0:08:58 > 0:09:02Who do you think Matthew thinks he looks like?
0:09:02 > 0:09:05I think he looks like Ed Sheeran with brown hair.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07He does a little bit, yeah. That's good.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10I've never seen a face so dissimilar to every other face...
0:09:10 > 0:09:13Denzel Washington, because he looks like NO-ONE.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17He looks like a homeless Prince Harry Lego man.
0:09:17 > 0:09:18Yes!
0:09:18 > 0:09:21What are you going to go for, Melvin's team?
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Let's go for Ed Sheeran.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Ed Sheeran. Let's find out if you're right.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28..and my celebrity lookalike is...
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Harry Styles.
0:09:30 > 0:09:31LAUGHTER
0:09:35 > 0:09:37He genuinely thinks that.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41- Rochelle's team, the next one is for you.- Oh, no.
0:09:41 > 0:09:48Hi, I'm Rhodri, I'm 35, and the celebrity I think I look like is...
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Who do we think he could be?
0:09:50 > 0:09:53- Ben Fogle.- Who?- Ben Fogle.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56He looks WELL posh, like he likes a good game of ruggers.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58His face is pointy. You know in Angry Birds...
0:09:58 > 0:10:01The yellow birds that you press and they go "voom", like that.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03That's what he's doing with his nose.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04The yellow bird from Angry Birds?
0:10:04 > 0:10:07- I'm not sure he's the kind of guy who'd say that.- No.
0:10:07 > 0:10:12- I think it would be someone posh. - OK, thank you, Rochelle.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15- Is it someone posh?- Really good input.- Who do you want to go for?
0:10:15 > 0:10:18- He just looks like a nice guy. - Just a nice guy?!
0:10:18 > 0:10:20I think I just look like a nice guy.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22- He does.- Nicolas Cage.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Nicolas Cage. OK.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Let's see if this man thinks
0:10:27 > 0:10:29he looks like Nicolas Cage.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32The celebrity I think I look like is...
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Daniel Craig.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36- Oh...- I knew he was can say that.
0:10:36 > 0:10:37I knew it'd be Daniel Craig.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40- He does a bit.- I said that. - Not so licence to kill.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44Sort of licence to do your end-of-year tax report.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47OK, let's have a look at the next one for you.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Hi I'm Krishma, I'm 29 years old.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52The celebrity I think I look like is...
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Who does Krishma think she looks like?
0:10:54 > 0:10:56- Kim Kardashian.- Do you think?
0:10:56 > 0:10:58- Really?- She's kind of like
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Kim Kardashian before
0:11:00 > 0:11:02she went to the doctor's.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08- I think you might be right there. - I'm right with Kim.
0:11:08 > 0:11:09I don't think I can top that.
0:11:09 > 0:11:10She looks like Kim Kardashian,
0:11:10 > 0:11:13before Kim Kardashian had a brand-new face.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16- I don't know what she liked before that.- Like that.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Um, let's see. Who is it?
0:11:18 > 0:11:21The celebrity I think I look like is...
0:11:21 > 0:11:22Kim Kardashian.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Yes!
0:11:24 > 0:11:26I guessed well.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Rochelle's team, this next one to you.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31- Hi, my name is Tom.- I'm Lauren.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34- TOGETHER:- And the celebrities we think we look like are...
0:11:34 > 0:11:36- I know who he is already.- Who?
0:11:36 > 0:11:38- RPatz.- RPatz.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40And who do you think, Khali, that she is?
0:11:40 > 0:11:43I reckon she...he... I reckon that's Marilyn Manson.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Marilyn Manson and RPatz.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50And the celebrities we think we look like are...
0:11:51 > 0:11:53- ..Robert Pattison... - ..Kristen Stewart.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57- Kristen Stewart. - Did you see his reaction?
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Less Twilight, more dusk!
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Thank you to the people of Great Britain for playing
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Fairly Famous Faces. Thank you for your faces.
0:12:09 > 0:12:14Khali, you have been sweating about something to do with talking speed.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18Yes, I think for me. People tell me, "Khali, you talk too fast."
0:12:18 > 0:12:20- They say, "what?" - You see? You see? They tell me
0:12:20 > 0:12:22- that I talk too fast, right.- Yes.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24I'm like, "All right, cool, I'll try and slow down."
0:12:24 > 0:12:26I try and slow down and I feel weird for slowing down.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29I'm like, "It's not me talking fast, you lot just listen slow.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31"Why don't you listen fast?"
0:12:31 > 0:12:34I quite like it because the faster you speak, the faster
0:12:34 > 0:12:38EastEnders is over and then we can get on with our real lives.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42- Great.- I'd like to see Dot Cotton doing it really fast.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44"Oh, my God, can't believe it. Get some air..."
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Maybe you should train her up. You should train her up.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Right, it's time now for Rochelle and Melvin - The Challenges.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57This is where, each week, I challenge our team captains to take
0:12:57 > 0:13:00a small sweat out onto the streets and into the public's face.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03This week's sweat is about those kind of annoying health
0:13:03 > 0:13:07and safety jobsworths who take health and safety to the extreme.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09So I sent Rochelle and Melvin out to find out what would happen
0:13:09 > 0:13:12if they became those really annoying health and safety people.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14How did you find this, Rochelle?
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Like this series, it is so hard.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20It is harder but I did like this particular challenge
0:13:20 > 0:13:22because people kind of respect you.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24- Do people not normally respect you? - No, they don't.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Only when he's got a hard hat on.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Well, let's find out who won in
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Rochelle and Melvin - The Challenges.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Rochelle is a maverick. She doesn't care about rules.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43- You've seen what she wears. - I don't have a chance.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47- Melvin's a short, annoying, anal man.- She doesn't care about you.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49She doesn't care about me.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51If he doesn't win this, he should just call it a day.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Do you know what I care about? Winning.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55This is a family and I'm Uncle Melvin.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Come here and suck on my teat.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03"Measure the speed of a pedestrian. Accuse them of speeding."
0:14:03 > 0:14:08"And get them to sign an official document promising not to do it again."
0:14:08 > 0:14:09This is the worst.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Sir, could you step to the side of the walkway, please?
0:14:14 > 0:14:17I need to have a conversation with you about the speed of your walking.
0:14:17 > 0:14:18Excuse me.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21I have to step you to the side one minute.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23This time last year, we had a head-on collision.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27Two people just walking into each other. Arms and legs everywhere.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29It's showing on my gun that you were walking
0:14:29 > 0:14:32over 14kph, which is really dangerous.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Because you got long strides, that I can see.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36But long strides kill lives.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Short strides save lives.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Basically you will be liable for a fine with the CCTV.
0:14:41 > 0:14:46So I just need to make sure... I know, right, I'm just doing my job.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49You're like the Usain Bolt of walking out there.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52It's not a fucking race, do you know what I mean?
0:14:52 > 0:14:56- Where are you off to? - I'm just going to get coffee.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01I'm sure they don't need their coffee in such a rush next time.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Are you Melvin?
0:15:03 > 0:15:06No. No, I've already told you, my name is Fred.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08INDISTINCT
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Thank you. Have a good day.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21Task number two. "Stop shoppers with too many bags. Weigh them.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23"Explain they're too heavy."
0:15:23 > 0:15:25"And if they want to continue shopping,
0:15:25 > 0:15:28"they must use the wheelbarrow provided."
0:15:28 > 0:15:33Excuse me, miss. Can you step to the side for a moment, please?
0:15:33 > 0:15:36We're just checking that people's bags are an OK sort of weight.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41- Do you know how much weight you're carrying in those bags?- Too much?
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Yes, probably. I've some scales here.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45What we're trying to encourage people to do is
0:15:45 > 0:15:47pop their shopping in a wheelbarrow.
0:15:48 > 0:15:53Osteopaths, chiropractors and even witch doctors support this.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57And if you can't trust a witch doctor, which doctor can you trust?
0:15:58 > 0:16:02I know it seems ridiculous but they're definitely coming back into fashion.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05- Do you want to give it a go? - I'm OK.- No?
0:16:07 > 0:16:11Don't you feel more comfortable rather than holding all that weight?
0:16:11 > 0:16:16My grandfather used to carry bags like this every day for 90 years.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19And do you know where he is now? He's dead.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23APPLAUSE
0:16:26 > 0:16:28That was good. You were both pretty incredible there.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32Are you both ceding that's a draw, cos that was a big waste of time?
0:16:32 > 0:16:34- Yes.- It's a wasted day.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37- Yes, a wasted day.- Roisin, how do you think they got on?
0:16:37 > 0:16:41It's really hard going up to strangers and being a bell-end.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44You both excelled at it, guys!
0:16:44 > 0:16:47Yes, a round of applause for Rochelle and Melvin.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49APPLAUSE
0:16:51 > 0:16:55Tom, why have you been sweating about Facebook quizzes?
0:16:55 > 0:16:57Things that come up on your Facebook feed like,
0:16:57 > 0:17:00"What minor Harry Potter character are you?"
0:17:03 > 0:17:05"I've got Times New Roman. What font are you?"
0:17:05 > 0:17:08- "What dictator are you?" It's a real one.- What dictator are you?
0:17:08 > 0:17:12- "What infectious disease are you?" - What are you?- "What sex toy you?"
0:17:12 > 0:17:16I'm not Tom Rosenthal. I'm Saddam Hussein Chlamydia Butt Plug.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Wow! Gareth, why have you been sweating about people putting their
0:17:19 > 0:17:21fingers in their ears? What's wrong with that?
0:17:21 > 0:17:24I'm fine with people with itchy ears. I've no problem with an itchy ear.
0:17:24 > 0:17:29- Thank God.- But it's when it becomes sort of unseemly
0:17:29 > 0:17:32and almost like a kind of self-pleasuring.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34You know, when it's kind of like that
0:17:34 > 0:17:37- and they're talking to you and looking you in the eye and going... - Oh, yeah.
0:17:40 > 0:17:41Look at that.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45- Oh... - Oh, I don't do that, but I do that.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47We all have quick scratch but there's no...
0:17:47 > 0:17:49There are limits. There are limits.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52My mum said that ear masturbation'll make you go deaf.
0:17:53 > 0:17:58The thing is, if you go deep enough, you can get an eargasm. You get it?
0:17:58 > 0:18:02You said it's like masturbation, so I put the word "ear" into it.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05That is good. A point for your team.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08OK, let's move on to the next round. It is time for the Sweatbox,
0:18:08 > 0:18:12where you get to help actual members of this actual audience.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15They will tell you what they've been sweating about recently
0:18:15 > 0:18:18and you must do your best to help them out with some nice advice.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Whichever team they decide has given them the best advice,
0:18:21 > 0:18:22we will give a point to.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Who is first in Sweatbox tonight?
0:18:25 > 0:18:30Hi, my name is Calum and, basically, my sweat is my gaydar is off.
0:18:30 > 0:18:34I was out for a meal with some friends last week and I couldn't tell
0:18:34 > 0:18:38if the waiter was into me or if he was just doing his job.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41LAUGHTER
0:18:41 > 0:18:43How off are you? Like your gaydar?
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Do you ever watch Splash! and you're like, "Oh, my God, that Tom Daley is..."
0:18:47 > 0:18:49- So butch.- "..loves the women,"
0:18:49 > 0:18:51"loves them.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54"He loves tits."?
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Before you give advice, let's put this to the test and find out
0:18:58 > 0:19:00if your gaydar really is off.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04Do you think, look at this panel, look at this panel,
0:19:04 > 0:19:07do you think that anyone is gay on here?
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Gareth?
0:19:09 > 0:19:10Gay or nay?
0:19:10 > 0:19:14- Yay.- Gareth?- His gaydar is off.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Not gay. What about any of these people over here?
0:19:17 > 0:19:21- No. I wish, but no.- No. Ooh, who do you wish?
0:19:21 > 0:19:23I kind of wish Rochelle was a man.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25LAUGHTER
0:19:32 > 0:19:35What are we going to do? We're going to test some of the audience.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38Before the show, I asked the audience
0:19:38 > 0:19:42if there was anyone in here up for playing a game of Gay Or Nay.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46So, will those people who were ready to play the three homosexuals
0:19:46 > 0:19:50or heterosexuals, who knows, come down to the studio floor, please.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55# Hallelujah, it's raining men... #
0:19:58 > 0:20:00OK, here we go.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Calum, one by one you have to say whether you think these
0:20:03 > 0:20:07members of our lovely audience are either gay or nay.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Let's start with Lee. Gay or nay?
0:20:09 > 0:20:13Right. Gay.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15- I am gay, yeah.- He is gay!
0:20:15 > 0:20:19Gay.
0:20:19 > 0:20:24OK, next up, we have Simon. Gay or nay?
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Nay.
0:20:26 > 0:20:27- Simon?- I'm gay for Lee.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29He's my boyfriend.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Oh! Gay.
0:20:31 > 0:20:36Finally, Jake. Gay or nay?
0:20:36 > 0:20:39- Er, gay.- Nay, I'm not.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Nay! Boo!
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- Boo.- I'm sorry, I love women.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Boo.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Thank you all for playing Gay Or Nay.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51# It's raining men, hallelujah
0:20:51 > 0:20:54# It's raining men... #
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Right, teams, what should Calum and his broken gaydar do?
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Have you tried turning it on and off again?
0:21:01 > 0:21:05There's no troubleshoot, there's no reboot, so...
0:21:05 > 0:21:08You need to develop a special wink, that's my tip.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10So let's see the special Malone wink.
0:21:10 > 0:21:15- GARETH MOUTHS - Oh, wow. So if Malone does the wink to you, that means he is...
0:21:15 > 0:21:17LAUGHTER
0:21:17 > 0:21:19What advice would you give over here?
0:21:19 > 0:21:23I would just ask more questions maybe.
0:21:23 > 0:21:24The first one, "Are you gay?"
0:21:24 > 0:21:29That's where you start. But just slip it in there so...
0:21:29 > 0:21:30Don't slip it in there.
0:21:30 > 0:21:31ROCHELLE SQUEALS
0:21:31 > 0:21:35Rochelle, that's terrible advice. I mean...
0:21:38 > 0:21:41When you're in the restaurant ordering your food, and he's like,
0:21:41 > 0:21:43"Can I get you anything else?" Just be like,
0:21:43 > 0:21:46"Whoa, whoa, whoa, are you gay?" Just get it out there straightaway.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Maybe when you're looking at the menu, go,
0:21:48 > 0:21:51"I don't know what to have. What would a gay eat?"
0:21:55 > 0:21:57And he'll be like, "Sausage."
0:21:59 > 0:22:01And whose advice are you going to go for?
0:22:01 > 0:22:05- I think I'm going to have to go with Rochelle's team.- Rochelle's team.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09- Thank you.- You get a point, thank you.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Thanks, Calum.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15- OK, who's next in the Sweatbox? - My name is Lucy.- Hi, Lucy.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17What's your sweat, Lucy?
0:22:17 > 0:22:21My sweat is I have a friend who I love, love, love, love
0:22:21 > 0:22:25but as much as I love her, I won't say she copies my style,
0:22:25 > 0:22:28she tries to copy my style, cos like...
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Ooh, no!
0:22:30 > 0:22:33I'm kind of hard to copy, but, you know?
0:22:33 > 0:22:36I like that it's not copying, it's "trying".
0:22:36 > 0:22:38She's trying to get to this level but it's not working.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40She's essentially a shitty you.
0:22:40 > 0:22:44It's like you can't have... There's no shitty version of me.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46LAUGHTER
0:22:46 > 0:22:49But you can't blame her. I feel like I want to dress like you now.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51I know. But everyone does, babe.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Any advice for this wonderful woman that I'm fully obsessed with?
0:22:56 > 0:22:59What you do - when you've got, like, a week off, yeah?
0:22:59 > 0:23:01- is dye your hair green and see if she does it.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04If she does it, you'll be like, "I knew you was a hater.
0:23:04 > 0:23:05"A hater from the beginning.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09"Go and dye your hair back, because you can't be me, babes." See what I'm trying to say?
0:23:09 > 0:23:11And that way you'll know.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13- APPLAUSE - Nice advice.
0:23:13 > 0:23:17And Melvin's team, what advice would you give to this woman
0:23:17 > 0:23:19with this unfortunate problem?
0:23:19 > 0:23:23I'd do that thing where I'd show her in a really petty way.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27You know when you're a kid and you repeat what the person says to you? So say something.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31- Hello.- Hello.- What's your name? - What's your name?- Where are you from? - Where are you from?
0:23:31 > 0:23:33That's how I feel when you dress like me!
0:23:33 > 0:23:35I like that one.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37That's brilliant!
0:23:38 > 0:23:43Whose team do you think gave the best advice?
0:23:43 > 0:23:47- I'm going to go here. - You got a point.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Yay!
0:23:49 > 0:23:53Thank you, Lucy. Right, who is next in the Sweatbox tonight?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Hi, my name's Zinar.
0:23:55 > 0:24:00I'm an actor and entrepreneur and my sweat is I've recently become single
0:24:00 > 0:24:03and there's this girl mate of mine I want to ask out,
0:24:03 > 0:24:05but I just don't know how to.
0:24:05 > 0:24:10- Ooh. That is awkward.- How good a friend, Zinar?- Really close.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14Oh, wow. This is an issue. Tom, do you have any advice?
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Has this ever happened to you, Tom?
0:24:16 > 0:24:19I've got nothing good to say except stop describing
0:24:19 > 0:24:22yourself as an actor/entrepreneur, that's really not good.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24TOM INDISTINCT
0:24:24 > 0:24:26APPLAUSE
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Let's take a look at the lady in question. This is the lady.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35Wow! Look at that sword!
0:24:37 > 0:24:40- Is she a model? - Yeah, she's a model. Yeah.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42She doesn't just watch telly like that?
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Ooh, Emmerdale's on, where's my sword?
0:24:47 > 0:24:49It turns out, when we researched this woman,
0:24:49 > 0:24:53it turns out that Melvin Odoom follows this woman on Twitter.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56Oh, my God. Of course he does. Of course he does.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59The worrying thing with Melvin and Twitter when he says that
0:24:59 > 0:25:03he's following you, he actually is LITERALLY following you.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06- How long have you been friends? - For about three years.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08It's not going to happen, mate.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13Having a friend is a good foundation for a relationship.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17You go all-out and get on your knees and you propose to this woman.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Yes.
0:25:19 > 0:25:23You're a good man. She's a great woman. I know - I've seen her tweets.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27- Excuse me, have you been there? - No, no, I haven't.- No.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29- Who are you going for? - Melvin's team.
0:25:29 > 0:25:30OK, Melvin's team, you win a point.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Do you know what, Zinar? I am looking forward,
0:25:36 > 0:25:40to knowing whether or not that advice will actually help you.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43I'm looking forward to that in the future. In fact, why wait?
0:25:43 > 0:25:47Let's find out right now. Please welcome Charley Simmonds, everybody!
0:25:47 > 0:25:48CHEERING
0:25:48 > 0:25:52MUSIC: "Gangnam Style" by Psy
0:25:52 > 0:25:56# Ooh, sexy lady... #
0:25:57 > 0:26:00- Hi, Charley Simmonds.- Hi. - Where's your bloody sword?
0:26:00 > 0:26:01I left it at home.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04Oh, yeah. It's in the dishwasher.
0:26:04 > 0:26:10Go on, Zinar, you must follow through on the advice that we have given.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13And you have to propose to Charlie.
0:26:13 > 0:26:17- Go on.- I'll just... Will you go out with me?
0:26:18 > 0:26:20- We'll go on a date and see how it goes.- Yes!
0:26:20 > 0:26:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:25 > 0:26:26That's nice.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29But, seriously, if you ever get married, we need to go.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32- We need to be invited to that. - I'll do the choir.- Yeah.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35- Be the best wedding ever. - Roisin will come and get drunk.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38- It'll be brilliant.- Yes, I will!
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Zinar, why don't you leave through the curtains
0:26:42 > 0:26:44and it'll be like Take Me Out.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50INDISTINCT COMMENTS
0:26:50 > 0:26:53Zinar and Charley, everyone!
0:26:56 > 0:27:00And that was the final round. Thank you, teams.
0:27:00 > 0:27:01Yeah.
0:27:02 > 0:27:07So, it is the end of the show, which means it's time to get tense
0:27:07 > 0:27:11right now in an attempt to make people care about who wins.
0:27:11 > 0:27:15OK, let's just get tense to try and hope people care.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18And, OK, I'm not sure I can do this, I do feel a bit sick.
0:27:18 > 0:27:19So tense.
0:27:21 > 0:27:27Ladies and gentlemen, I can reveal the winners of tonight's show are...
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Be quick. I've been holding his hand for a very, very long time.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32OK, OK, OK, OK.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37The winners tonight are...
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Melvin's team!
0:27:40 > 0:27:45MUSIC: "The Winner Takes It All" by ABBA
0:27:45 > 0:27:47They are the winners.
0:27:47 > 0:27:51So a big thank you to Rochelle, to Tom and Khali, Melvin, Gareth
0:27:51 > 0:27:52and Roisin.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - This has been Sweat The Small Stuff.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57I've been Nick Grimshaw. Good night.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06Subtitles by Red Bee Media